The Mentality that Separates Winners from Losers

In this solo episode, I break down the 10 exact principles that shape how I think, move, and show up in my life, and why most people stay stuck despite “doing the work.”

Because here’s the truth: You don’t rise to your goals… you fall to your standards.

And if your standards are off? Everything else will be too.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why speaking your truth is the fastest way to rebuild self-trust and stop people-pleasing
• The uncomfortable reason your actions don’t match your goals, and how to fix it
• How to build real confidence (hint: it’s not affirmations)
• The missing link in your growth in life and business
• The mindset shift that will make your insecurities shrink
• Why your environment is either fueling your growth or quietly killing it
• The truth about discipline vs. “soft life” culture 
• How to stop fearing failure and start choosing faith over fear
• How to dominate your space
• The hidden cost of keeping the wrong people in your life, and how to raise your standards

CONNECT WITH ME

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're listening to Becoming Her, the show for ambitious women who want more for their health, purpose, and life. Every week, we're diving into real conversations with women who are building impact, healing, and creating lives that they're excited to wake up to. In my world, it's about becoming the strongest, oldest, and brightest version of you. I'm Leslie Jackson, your four-time certified functional nutritionist and integrative health practitioner. And if you're ready for the stories, strategies, and truth that actually uplevel your life, you're in the right place. Okay, so my husband jokes that I have the mentality of some of the greats in basketball, like Kobe Bryant or LeBron James, in terms of my work ethic. And everyone knows that their edge is and was their mind, the way that they think, the discipline, the self-motivation that they have. And I don't know if I quite have the Mamba mentality, but I will say that I know that my mentality is different. And I've known that for most of my life, if I'm being completely honest. And when I think about where that comes from, my dad is the first person that comes to mind. My dad takes so much pride in everything he does. My whole life, I have watched him give his all to anything that he puts his mind to. In his work as a minister, as a college professor, when he became a golf pro, when he became a captain and started deep-sea fishing, when he survived a health scare three years ago, that he had a 1% chance of surviving anything he's done, he's worked his ass off to become the best at it. He has believed in himself. Like he has that mamba mentality in his mind that if he puts his mind to it, if he gives it his all, he will be satisfied. But he's not satisfied with anything less than 110% effort. And he may not know it, but he programmed me for greatness. And I'm not talking about the things that he said to me while we were growing up, although the man is full of wisdom. Um, but it was really the way that I watched him move through his own life, the things that I watched him survive, uh, from my parents' divorce to the health care that I told you about through financial strain and just persevering and never giving up, A, but B, anything that he desired, anything that he had interest in doing, whether it was playing guitar, deep sea fishing, golfing, becoming a golf pro, a minister, founding his own church, becoming a college professor. I mean, he was just so multifaceted talented. And if you can't tell, my dad is my hero. But I want to circle back to the anger of my conversation with you today, which is having a mentality of greatness. And the only way that I know how to share this with you is to share the principles that I live by because I believe that they are really like what fuels my mentality and drives and is the compass for the way that I think, the way that I move, the way that I prioritize things, the the depth of my commitment to my own greatness. So let's get into it. Numero uno, I speak my truth. I have a very strong conscience. And when I say things that aren't true to my belief, I've noticed that it breaks my trust in myself. And although it's really challenging sometimes to speak your truth and to stand 10 toes down on who you are, who you believe in in this world that is pretty sensitive. And it's easy to say the wrong thing to or to say something that is poorly perceived by someone because it rubbed them the wrong way. Uh, you know, I definitely would consider myself a recovering people pleaser. And when I tell you it, it's hard to practice no longer being a people pleaser, but it is the most freeing and liberating thing that you can do for your relationship with yourself. Like, let me give you a stupid example, but to simplify it. Last night my husband cooked us dinner. He made us salmon and asparagus and potatoes, and he came out and with the plates already made, and we were sitting out on our back patio eating, and I'm getting into it, and it was pretty good. It was pretty good, but the asparagus was a little too salty. The salmon was a little dry, and he was like, he was talking up his meal, you know, he's all proud of it here and there. And uh we got to the end of the meal, I was like, babe, that asparagus was a little too salty, and I think I might give my the rest of my salmon to the cat because it's a little dry. Leslie, four or five years ago, would have lied. She would have been like, babe, best asparagus you ever did make, best salmon you ever did make. Because I love seeing my husband happy about what he created, what he cooked. You know what I mean? But I have more respect for me, and I have more respect for him today by just being honest with him about it. You know, like I would have been being dishonest with myself and him if I would have said, yeah, that was the best salmon you ever made. Yeah, that was the best asparagus you ever made. And it felt right to just be honest with him about it. So I speak my truth so that also so that people can also feel safe around me. Like they're, although it's, you know, it sometimes can be hard to hear to receive the truth from someone, even if it's, you know, it's it's it's sometimes hard to hear the truth from people. But I will say that anytime that somebody shares something with me that I know is really challenging for them to share with me because it's not rainbows and butterflies, my respect for them elevates. I'm like, I respect you for embracing the discomfort of saying something that could potentially be hard for me to hear. Like, I expect that from my mentors and anyone who I've invested in mentorship with me, they know I tell them. I'm like, do not sugarcoat shit to me. I want the God-honest truth. And I want to be able to trust that you are going to give that to me because trust me, I can handle it. And that's taken time. You know, I haven't always handled challenging feedback well, but I expect that from the people that I trust and respect. And so I expect that of myself to give that to any and everyone around me so that they can all feel like they will always know where they stand with me and they will know my truth. So I think that speaking your truth, even when it comes down like from the macro things in life as well as with the micro things in life, is really important, not just for your relationship with that other person, but for your relationship to yourself. Speak your truth. I'm not saying you have to be brutally honest and that you have to say things in a way that's going to be poorly received, but that it is a skill set to know how to deliver challenging truths in a respectable way. And if you don't know how to do that, you need to work on your communication skills because it's important to not self-deteriorate by not being able to trust yourself to be honest, even when it's not an easy thing to do. So that's definitely a leading principle of mine. Second is my actions are typically stronger than my words. I don't just express gratitude for the things that I value with words, I put action behind it. And this is absolutely something that I think of my dad's mentality that I absorb from him. And I'll give you another stupid little example. So I was coming home from a walk a couple of days ago, and our cars were like absolutely covered, like smothered in pollen. They looked gross, disgusting. And I almost walked past them and didn't deal with it. My inner Terry Johnton was like, girl, you better not let your car sit in the driveway looking like that. Like, do you really appreciate and are you grateful for that, those vehicles that you have? Like, you can sit here and say that you're grateful for those cars that you have, but if you're gonna walk past them while they sit in the driveway and look disgusting and not properly taken care of, does that action match the statement that I'm actually grateful for these things that we have? No. As we've gotten deeper into this like manifestation world, I think that we've gotten a lot stronger as a society in terms of getting clearer on what we need to verbalize and like the inner language that we need to be saying to ourselves. But I think the big area that we have to improve on and bring up to the same level is our commitment to making our actions match our manifestations and or the things that we're saying that we're grateful for. And reason I'm bringing up gratefulness in terms of manifestation is as I've been surrounded with some people that are incredible manifestation, like leaders, Samantha Kozic, Jamie Ruiz, like the fuel for manifestation is being incredibly grateful for what you have now, like having an abundance of gratefulness for what exists today in order to call in even more greatness and abundance into your life and match your desires in that way. And I think that we've gotten good, like I said, about expressing gratefulness, journaling about what we're grateful for. But I can't sit here and say, I am so grateful for the house that we live in, I am so grateful for the car that we have, I'm so grateful for this able body that I have, but then put trash into my body, skip workouts, neglect my sleep, be chronically dehydrated. Like those actions don't meet the statement of I am grateful for this able body. I can't sit here and say, I'm so grateful for my home, but then neglect it and allow it to be messy and under-supported and under maintenance. That action does not meet the statement of I am grateful for my home. I can't sit here and say, I'm so grateful for my beautiful Lexus that I was a dream car of mine. It's like my favorite car ever. I can say all those things, but if the inside of my car looks like a trash can and the outside of it looks like I haven't washed it in months, that's a conflicting belief. They, your actions are not meeting your statements. And if you want to truly put into the universe that you are grateful for the things that you have, it's important. And I'm saying this to myself just as much as you it's so important that you don't just say you're grateful, but you put actions behind that gratitude that make it abundantly clear that you actually are so grateful that you are going to take care of the things that you own. And when I tell you this, this principle is has it's Terry Johnson coded all over it. Uh, I'm I'm not exaggerating. Like anything that my dad owned or did, like when it cut comes down to like the the thoroughness of how much he cleans his golf clubs or his golf balls or his cars or like anything like I just watched my dad take such great care of everything that he owned. And I think it's just principle. Like when you take care of something, you enjoy it more, you appreciate it more. Making sure that your actions are matching your words is, I think, so much more powerful than just journaling that you're grateful for something or saying that you're grateful for something. Principle number three, I bet on myself. Anytime that I want to make a statement that I am deadass serious about something, I invest, yes, my time, yes, my energy, but I absolutely invest my money into things that that I say are valuable to me. For example, last year I just did my taxes for 2025. I invested$33,000 last year into personal development and my business. And a few years ago, I launched my business and I realized, you know, as you get into a venture, you set goals. And if you are dead serious about reaching those goals, you need to put yourself in an uncomfortable place to where you make a statement to the universe, I am dead ass serious about reaching these goals. And oftentimes, if it's a goal that maybe no one in your lineage or no one in your friend group has ever achieved before, typically you're not really surrounded by people that own the skill set. You may not have the skill set. And that, and I'm I'm also speaking from my own experience, that that was my reality. I knew if I was going to build an abundantly successful practice, I was going to have to put skin in the game. A few years ago, the first time that I invested five figures into mentorship, after I did it, immediately after I did it, I was like, damn, I have to make this work. I have skin in the game now. Like I have I have money on the board. And I think that that is a blessing. I think that it is absolutely a blessing to put yourself in a position where you have so much skin in the game that you're like, I have to make this work. And I think that making an investment, not just from a time and an energy perspective, but from a financial perspective, will pressurize you into greatness. You do have to put a little bit of pressure on you. I made a reel not too long ago about the fact that I've learned that when I put heavier weights on that rack, when I tell you that I straighten the fuck up and I like literally I get my breathing right, I get my form right, I get my mind right because I know I could get hurt if I have this much weight on it and I'm not taking it seriously. So as I'm as I'm going through those reps and I have my heaviest weight on that rack, I am literally in my best form. I am showing up with my best work because I am putting pressure on my back. And the second part to this statement that I made in that reel was that I realized that I am more stable when I have more weight on my back. And I think that as a society, we especially for women in this like soft life girl scenario, we have really demonized pressure. We have really demonized applying structure into our life. And I like fully unsubscribe from that shit. Fully unsubscribe because I know that with a woman, my like with my level of mentality, I thrive off of pressure. I thrive off of putting weight on my back. It makes me straighten the fuck up and show up in my greatest form. And I know that I am more stable and structured when I put skin in the game, when I raise the stakes, and bet on myself. There are very few things in this world that I think will make you really show up in your best form than putting skin in the game in the form of investment. Bet on yourself because you are your greatest investment. And when you invest into skill set, when you invest into mentorship, that is your skill set for life. No one can take that from you. That's another thing that I like about it. It's like I am investing into my own skill set. And yeah, people could take away monetary things, but they can't take away the skill sets that are in my mind. That's on principle number three. I bet on myself because it breeds belief, it breeds confidence, it breeds growth, it breeds discomfort. And I thrive off of pressure, I thrive off of weight on my back. It makes me my best self. Okay, number four, I surround myself with people who believe in me. Because I even notice it in myself when I see sometimes my friends that aren't really pushing themselves to their greatest state. I sometimes see what they're capable of before they see what they're capable of. And because I fucking love and respect them so much, I will push them and I will call them on their shit because I expect them to do the same for me. When I am not being my best self, when I am not pushing my potential to the greatest position that I can possibly be in in the chapter that I'm in right now, my friends and my family and my husband better be calling me on my shit because I will respect them so much more if they embrace the discomfort of calling me out. They take the chance on me getting pissed off because they love me more than the discomfort that they have to deal with to make that statement to me. I have a deep, deep level of respect for the people in my life. And I just so happen to think that I have some of the absolute greatest friends, family, and husband that are on the planet. And they call me up, they call me out, and I would not, I would not be as strong or as capable today without the people in my life that see me for what my true, what my true potential is, and they push me and they get mad at me when I when I am not that. Number five, I choose faith over fear. I trust that I can handle whatever comes ahead. And I'm not saying that that is my default setting. As soon as a challenge presents itself to me, that I just immediately am like, I'm going to choose faith. I know that I can trust this, I know that I can handle this. That's not always like my immediate first thought. Sometimes I'm scared as hell at first, but consciously I make a decision to choose faith over fear. Because if you choose the fear, you will get paralyzed, you will not be able to move, you will not be able to grow and to move through it. There is no going around anything that you fear. You must go through it. And how you go through it is that you trust in your ability to handle whatever is on the other side. You have to make decisions and trust that you can handle whatever that there is to come. And know that there's not just one right way to go. I fully unsubscribe from that mentality of there is just one person on this earth that could be the love of your life. There is only one route in life that is the right one for you. I think that there is a plentiful of options. And whatever route that you take, you will make the best out of it. There are many different routes that you can take in life. There's not just one right way, and you have to move with courage. Notice how I did not say you have to move with confidence. Confidence is built from moving with courage, moving through the fear, choosing the faith, going through the shit, getting through the shit, and then growing respect for yourself because you chose the challenging route and you survived the challenging route. That is how confidence is built. But especially if you're at the beginning of a journey, you're not going to be confident. You're going to be, you're going to feel small. You're not going to feel capable because you haven't really done much yet. But confidence is built through choosing faith, through choosing courage. And it reminds me of one of my current 101 VIP clients. I had a session with her yesterday, and we were talking about her progress, and she's, she's made incredible progress so far. But she still has a ways to go in terms of not just her physical action, but who she believes she is. When we were talking, she was sharing about how she has always viewed herself as the girl that was always overweight, the girl that was always non-athletic and wasn't doing the athletic things and wasn't capable. And I could see her energy and her body language shrinking as she was talking about these large and mega bold insecurities that she was accommodating in her life. And what I spoke with her through, what I coached her through, is that I'm watching you shrink to accommodate some massive insecurities in your life. And the only way that you're going to get through that is if you buck up and you make those insecurities small and you make your courage bold, strong, and loud as fuck. Because insecurities get, they lose their volume when you A, call them out, you identify them. They're not sitting in the shadows anymore. You A, you identify what your insecurities are. B consciously, you choose not to allow them to be your identifier. You do not identify with this insecurity anymore. It is not who you are. You can choose to consciously be someone different than who you previously have believed that you are. And three, most importantly, you take action towards becoming the woman that is not who those insecurities told you you were. So she told me that she hates running. She's not capable of running. It's not who she is. She's not an athletic person. And I don't require for all of my clients to run. But I said to her, it sounds like you're acquainting running with someone that you couldn't be. So tomorrow morning, I want you to wake up and I want you to go for a run just to say fuck you to that insecurity. I can do whatever the hell I want to do. I can be whoever the hell I want to be, because I trust me to be able to do the hard shit, to be an athletic person. You don't have to be an athlete to be athletic or to live an athletic lifestyle. And that is the formula. It is choosing the faith over the fear and making your insecurities weak because your action and the way that you show up for yourself and your life and the way that you respect yourself because you say what you mean and you mean what you say and you back that shit up with action, that's when your insecurities get real fucking weak. And your self-assurance, your confidence, your courage gets really bold. So choosing faith over fear. Number six is I believe that I am one of one. I don't believe in saturation. And there are so many functional nutritionists, nutritionists out there. There are so many people with podcasts out there, there's so many entrepreneurs out there, but no one is going to move in those spaces like I move. I am one of one. And if you're listening to this, you are one of one. What I have really embraced since I launched my practice, launched my podcast, became an entrepreneur, is that I'm gonna do it my way. And the people that really fuck with who I am and really love who I am, my personalities, my values, my morals, my principles, my mentality, my style, my class, like all those things, that's going to magnetize the right people into my practice. And it's going to repel the wrong people away from me. I am not for everyone. Trust me, I know. I am not for everyone. But for the women that find me and are for me, they really fuck with me because they know exactly who I am because I speak my truth. I you will know exactly who I am. You will know exactly where I stand. You you will be able to know exactly who I am, even if you've only met me from online. I actually have to credit uh one of my friends, Samantha Kozich, for the line of I don't believe in saturation. Because she is the first woman that I ever heard say that line and it rocked me. And I fell in love with that statement of I don't believe in saturation. There can be a million people doing the same thing, but every single one of them are gonna do it differently, unless a bunch of them are just watching somebody do it and trying to copy and paste. You know what I'm saying? I strongly encourage you to unsubscribe from any thoughts of, oh, that space is too saturated. I shouldn't even try to go do it and do it your way. Be you, because if you be you in whatever you do, no one else will do it like you. No one else has the same story, has the same wisdom, has the same style, has the same language as you. Your people will find you if you allow the true you to be seen so that you can show up as one of one. Principle number seven, release control of the outcomes. And girl, let me tell you what. And the truth is that's physically impossible. But the good news is you can influence outcomes by committing to giving it your all, preparing as as well as you possibly can, getting your reps up, studying, researching, becoming the best of the best by being being willing to put in the work. Like, for example, when I'm prepping for a speaking opportunity, I will practice that speech. I will practice the flow of that talk again and again and again and again until it feels like it's just muscle memory. But after that point, you got to give it to God. After that point, you cannot cling on to certainty. There, the closest that you can get to certainty is preparing more than most people would be willing to. And that is what gives me my confidence and my courage is how do you fight through those intrusive thoughts, those thoughts of being an imposter? You put the reps up, you do the courageous thing, and you release control of the outcome, but you commit to the process of becoming as prepared and well-equipped as you possibly can. After that, you gotta let the shit go. That you're gonna drive yourself crazy and you're gonna waste your energy trying to obsess yourself through controlling the outcome. Influence, do the best that you can, and then release. Show up and give it your best. Number eight, I lead by example. I know that in my line of work as a leader in the health space is to be an embodiment of my work. I know that my clients trust me because they know that I don't just talk about what you need to be doing to live your highest performance life. I am about it. And I wouldn't hire someone to guide me on my health journey if they weren't healthy themselves. So I honestly hold myself to a higher standard. And anytime that I like have that negotiating voice in my head about, oh, you know, maybe I could just like do it later or skip today, or maybe it won't be that big of a deal. Sometimes I tap, I have to tap into the commitment that I made to my clients, my family, the people that I love. Like, no, that's not who I want to be known for. And I know that if I am going to continuously, every single day wake up, show up, and earn the respect and the admiration of my clients, my community, my family, my friends, that I have to show up and do it, the work every single day. And there is no amount of words that I could say that would replace the power that being about it holds. Like I could sit here and tell you all day long, you gotta work out, you gotta hydrate, you gotta eat well, da da da da. But human nature doesn't respect that. Human nature respects when I'm watching you do the thing that I want to learn how to do. You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't hire a business coach that is running a business that I don't respect and admire and desire to have myself. So I expect that of myself as well from a health perspective and also from a business perspective, too. So I think leading by example is another one of my primary principles that keeps me grounded, that keeps my pressure healthy and that keeps me in check. Principle number nine, I treat my friendships as a privilege, not a right. And I hold my friends to the same standard. Having access to me is a privilege, and it is a privilege for me to have access to my friends. And this is a lesson that really uh settled and integrated into me. I would say probably more so into my 30s. You know, in our 20s, we're still figuring life out, we're making dumb decisions, doing stupid shit, figuring it out. And I think that in our 20s, we're giving ourselves and the people around us a lot of leniency. And I think that that's appropriate. You know what I mean? But as we get older, the excuses of uh, this is what I went through in my childhood, this is just who I am, you know, I just should let it go. It gets a little old. Anyone who has access to my limited resources, which is my time and my energy, are bringing greatness into my life, and I am bringing greatness into their life. But if I am watching someone chronically make extremely poor decisions and going down a slippery slope, at this stage in my life, I will only repeat myself so many times before I exit that situation. Because if somebody is consciously choosing to not respect the life that they were given, you're not taking me down with you. Okay. So, like if you're choosing to date someone that is obviously toxic, that is obviously not worthy of you, that is obviously killing your security. I'm only gonna repeat myself to that person so many times before I create space between me and that person. And I would expect the same from my friends. I think that it is incredibly selfish to make very poor decisions in your life to not take care of yourself, to surround yourself with shitty people, to allow toxicity into your life. It's selfish because the people that are around you also are infected with that toxicity. If I was making chronic poor decisions, if I was getting drunk all the time, not showing up for my commitments, not setting boundaries, not holding myself to a high standard, with my level of emotional intelligence today, it would make sense to me if there were people around me that were starting to create space between me and them. Because it is a privilege to be a part of someone's life. And if you are slowing them down, if you are creating toxicity in their space, it is not your right to be in their life. It is a privilege to be in someone's life. And that is another layer of obligation that I put onto myself I need to be showing up as the best person that I can be, not only for me, but everyone around me. Because I want anyone who is associated with me to know that they can depend on me to be holding my shit down, holding my shit together so that they can know that they can expect for me to show up as a healthy being that they want to have in their life. So I know that might sound a little harsh, that like anyone who has access to me in my life, it is a privilege, but know that I also hold myself to that same standard and that I think that it is a privilege to me to have access to someone else's time, life, and energy. And I treat it as such too. That is principle number nine. And principle number 10. I married a man that makes me stronger and that makes my life easier. I'ma say it right now. I am so sad to watch the deterioration of the belief in the sacredness and the power of marriage today. Marriage is the most powerful thing in the world, in my perspective. When you lock arms and you become teammates with someone who believes in you, that loves you, that respects you, that pushes you forward, that fills the voids in the in your weakness, you are a more powerful person. And I think that one of the principles of my mentality is having chosen the right man to team up with in this life. And that could be an entire episode in and of itself. But I just want to say that if you want to meet your strongest self, if you want to meet your most powerful state of being, I absolutely recommend prioritizing meeting a powerful partner who you deeply admire, respect, and that is honest with you and truthful to you and energizes you and is there for you no matter what. Unconditional love is the most powerful thing in the world. And that is on mastering your mentality. I want to encourage you today to be bold, to be you, to embrace that you are one of one, to be unapologetically you, to hold yourself to a high standard, to embrace the mentality of greatness. And on that note, I will see you on the next episode. If you love this episode, share it with a friend and leave a quick review. And if you want to go deeper, everything you need, resources, programs, and ways to connect is in the show notes. And don't just say this episode. Pick one thing, apply it today, and let it calm down. I'll see you next time.