Greatmomma 0:04

Myth Lab Entertainment presents Home for the Holidays: All of the Lights. 'Twas several nights before Christmas and all through the block my great niece was taking her usual walk. She would speak to everybody.

Robyn Gibson 0:27

Good evening.

Greatmomma 0:28

Always offering favors. Many folk believed she was a mighty fine neighbor. And she was, to a degree, though a tad bit nosy.

Robyn Gibson 0:37

How y'all doing?

Greatmomma 0:38

Buried under those sentiments sounding so rosy. And that bad side is one you don't want to be on. So keep your tree branches trimmed and be on point with your lawn. Don't let packages sit, nor let trash day escape you.

Robyn Gibson 0:53

I see you.

Greatmomma 0:53

Or she'd take out her phone and videotape you.

Robyn Gibson 0:56

If you don't come get these damn cans...

Greatmomma 0:57

She had many run-ins, but the one I'm gonna share might send a little white streak right into your hair. She learned a big lesson one Yuletide night on minding her business 'bout all of the lights.

Robyn Gibson 1:28

Hey neighbor! You wearing that hat. Where are you off to looking so cute?

Hat Neighbor 1:30

I'm just trying to be like you.

Robyn Gibson 1:33

Kev, are you walking the dogs or are they walking you?

Kev 1:35

Robin, you crazy girl.

Robyn Gibson 1:40

Mr. Paige, you know you shouldn't be out here shoveling with that bad back of yours. I'm gonna send Brian over here with that snowblower. Go on back inside.

Mr. Paige 1:48

Oh, bless you, Robin. You're the best.

Robyn Gibson 1:53

Oh, Lord, have mercy. I got to deal with this man today. Mr. Allen, you home? It's Robin from next door. I got another one of your packages by mistake.

Gray Allen 2:05

Oh, that's a doorbell, not a panic button. Give me a damn second to get down the stairs.

Robyn Gibson 2:13

Okay, but I'm starting to get frostbite out here.

Gray Allen 2:17

What now, Mrs. Gibson?

Robyn Gibson 2:20

Sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you, but I believe this is yours. I would have left it at your doorstep, but Ms. Wright said these porch pirates have been bold and busy this week. Here you go. (Old ungrateful ass.) Listen, I don't know why these delivery drivers keep mixing up our houses after all you've done to stand out.

Gray Allen 2:43

If this is about my Christmas lights again, I already told you.

Robyn Gibson 2:48

That you're not taking them down? I already know. But would you be open to some slight edits? This isn't even about me. I'm thinking about all the sick elderly people and little kids on this block. Some of us need to sleep, and you got this place lit up like the Vegas Strip.

Gray Allen 3:06

If you're the protector of peace in this neighborhood, might I suggest that your first mission be to wrangle in those unruly children of yours. Hooting and hollering all day and night. I've asked you repeatedly to stop them from flying that spy craft over my property.

Robyn Gibson 3:27

A toy drone? Look, I'm not doing this with you today. I'm just not.

Gray Allen 3:30

Furthermore, I don't see anything wrong with my decorations.

Robyn Gibson 3:34

Probably because you burned out your retinas. Look at this mess. You've got blinking lights, twinkling lights, cascading lights, flickering lights, hell, strobe lights. This house needs a damn epilepsy warning. My goodness.

Gray Allen 3:53

Really?

Robyn Gibson 3:54

Oh Lord. And now you got these red icicle things aimed right at my bedroom window. Exactly, who do you think is coming to town, Mr. Allen? Santa or Satan?

Gray Allen 4:05

Oh, you're the only one I hear complaining.

Robyn Gibson 4:09

Oh, please. Our neighbors have been roasting you like a chestnut over an open fire. Do you know what they call you on the Next Door app?

Gray Allen 4:16

What?

Robyn Gibson 4:16

The nuisance of the neighborhood.

Gray Allen 4:19

Really?

Robyn Gibson 4:19

And I don't condone bullying, but they ain't wrong.

Gray Allen 4:22

Yeah, well, one day you'll learn that on the road of life, a path of people pleasing leads nowhere.

Robyn Gibson 4:29

What?

Gray Allen 4:30

Simply put, I don't give a shit.

Robyn Gibson 4:34

I guess curmudgeons gonna curmudge.

Gray Allen 4:40

What is this? Some kind of bomb?

Robyn Gibson 4:44

An outdoor timer. Let's just call it an early Christmas gift and a compromise. This way you can enjoy your little light show and program it to turn off when folks are trying to sleep. So do we have a deal, Mr. Allen?

Gray Allen 4:57

I'll tell you what. If any of my bills get mistakenly delivered to your house, and you pay them, then we have a deal. Until then.

Robyn Gibson 5:11

Oh, this motherfucker.

Greatmomma 5:16

Now we're back at my niece's house. She's feeling defeated. Though it was cold outside let's just say she was heated. It was late in the evening, but the light on the lawn had it looking much more like the breaking of dawn. She and her hubby were settled in bed when she ended up triggered by something he said.

Brian Gibson 5:38

Babe, can you turn off the lights?

Robyn Gibson 5:41

Brian, the lights are off.

Brian Gibson 5:43

What?

Robyn Gibson 5:43

This meteor shower happening outside of our window is courtesy of Mr. "All of the Lights" Allen. Oh, he's doing his big one tonight.

Brian Gibson 5:53

I thought you were going to talk to him.

Robyn Gibson 5:55

I swear every time I say something to that man, he goes and adds another string of lights just to piss me off.

Brian Gibson 6:03

Well, stop going over there.

Robyn Gibson 6:04

I'm done trying to communicate. I completely misjudged the level of this man's lunacy. And I'm only partially fluent in crazy.

Brian Gibson 6:13

I'll be so glad when Christmas is over. And I don't have to hear that man's name in this house ever again. Just put a pillow over your head like this and try to get some sleep. See, it works.

CJ Gibson 6:26

(screaming) Mom, dad!

Imani Gibson 6:26

Mom! Dad! Help!!!!!

Robyn Gibson 6:29

Did you hear that? Get that damn pillow off of your head. CJ and Imani, stop yelling! Your dad and I trying to think.

Brian Gibson 6:40

I'm going to check around the back of the house. Y'all stay put.

Robyn Gibson 6:44

I bet Mr. Allen blew up his house with all them damn lights. Are you kids scared?

CJ Gibson 6:49

Yes!

Robyn Gibson 6:50

You want to sleep in here with us tonight?

Robyn Gibson 6:59

Naw, it's too bright!

Cousin Sharon 6:59

So what happened?

Robyn Gibson 7:03

It went boom! Girl, I thought the whole roof was about to collapse on us. The kids were screaming. Brian and I just grabbed them and ran out the back with nothing on our feet!

Cousin Sharon 7:10

I know that's right. Run first and ask why later.

Robyn Gibson 7:14

They said it was an ice quake. Did it happen over your way too?

Cousin Sharon 7:18

No. That's crazy.

Robyn Gibson 7:21

Shhhh! I'm on the phone with your cousin Sharon. Sit down and eat your breakfast.

CJ Gibson 7:25

There's a package outside.

Robyn Gibson 7:26

Girl, let me call you back. What did I tell you about opening up that door. Somebody could be outside hiding, ready to snatch your little asses up. Forget about the presents. I'm getting y'all some street smarts for Christmas.

Imani Gibson 7:38

CJ, is it for me? Give it.

CJ Gibson 7:41

Stop. Stop.

Robyn Gibson 7:46

Not everything that comes into this house is for you, greedy.

CJ Gibson 7:49

It says it's for Mr. Gray Allen. From Gemson's Specialty Lights.

Robyn Gibson 7:54

Lord help me, Jesus. CJ, go put that package under the Christmas tree. Way, way, way in the back. I'll deal with it later. Now finish up your food so we can help clean up for the Christmas Eve party tonight.

Imani Gibson 8:06

But it wasn't even our idea to have the party. We're just bystanders.

Robyn Gibson 8:11

If that's how you feel, I better not catch you standing up by any party wings. Grandma's sweet potato pie.

Greatmomma 8:18

So now we fast forward to Christmas Eve night. Robyn had the house sparkling, not a dust bunny in sight. Brian had the broom, Imani the mop. CJ tested their handiwork with his pure white socks. Presents were under the tree, matching paper and bows. Every surface was gleaming from sink to commode. The desserts were laid out. The appetizers were done. But Robyn knew there was something that could ruin their fun.

Gray Allen 8:57

Mrs. Gibson! What are you doing in my yard?

Robyn Gibson 9:02

Uh looking for you? I thought I heard you back here. I'm just out here reminding all these neighbors about my party tonight. We'll try to keep the noise to a minimum. But you may hear some extra hooting and hollering as you say. But don't call the cops, cause it's just my cousins n ‘nem.

Gray Allen 9:21

Oh, how wonderful. There will be more of you to contend with. Thanks for the warning.

Robyn Gibson 9:31

How about you? Do you have any family coming in for the holidays?

Gray Allen 9:34

I haven't seen my family in a very long time. Mrs. Gibson?

Robyn Gibson 9:40

That's a shame. What happened? They owe you money? You owe them some money?

Gray Allen 9:46

Nothing like that. They live quite a distance away. But I hope to see them very soon.

Robyn Gibson 9:54

But listen, don't hope. You gotta make it happen. Family over everything, right? Well, anywho, let me go on and get out of your way. Oh. And you know you're more than welcome to come tonight.

Gray Allen 10:09

That's very kind of you, but I wouldn't want to impose.

Robyn Gibson 10:13

Oh Lord, thank God. I don't want to twist your arm, but if you change your mind, you know where we live.

Gray Allen 10:21

Hold on! Stop!

Robyn Gibson 10:23

Shit!

Gray Allen 10:24

While I have you here? Did you happen to get another one of my packages? I'm expecting something very important.

Robyn Gibson 10:33

Hmm? No. I don't recall seeing anything. These damn package thieves are relentless. 'Tis the season for snatching and grabbing, I guess.

Gray Allen 10:44

I guess.

Greatmomma 10:49

Merry Christmas, baby! It's time to get down. My niece and her family were gathering round. It was 7 p.m. sharp. And as guests were talking and dancing, they noticed Robyn by the window doing some watching and glancing. But the sky stayed dark. She was mumbling "Thank God."

Brian Gibson 11:09

Hey!

Greatmomma 11:09

Her company had begun to find her behavior quite odd. Luckily, she joined them and was having a blast. Looks like her box scheme was working at last.

Robyn Gibson 11:32

Auntie Lisa! It's so good to see you. Come on in. Everybody's in the back. And don't mind that thing flying around. The kids wanted to film the party with the drone.

Aunt Lisa 11:44

Ew, y'all have a dog. You know, I get nervous around anything furry.

Robyn Gibson 11:49

No, CJ's allergic.

Aunt Lisa 11:51

Okay. I got worried when I saw those little paw prints around the house.

Robyn Gibson 11:56

What prints? Oh, I think our neighbor's poodle got out again. Poor baby must be freezing. Let me call Kev.

Greatmomma 12:07

Back at Mr. Allen's house, he had a different concern. Had his lights been sabotaged? Were they broken or burned? Had some neighborhood hoodlums cut one of his wires. He got out his ladder and climbed higher and higher.

Gray Allen 12:27

Why won't you turn on? You kids? Will you get that damn drone out of here?

Greatmomma 12:41

While Mr. Allen was up on his roof, a muttering and grumbling, the Gibson's event turned out to be bumping. There was Uno and Domino's, even some spades, and everyone loved the rum cake Big Mama had made. The children weren't fighting. The adults were just laughing. Then Imani walked up with a question quite baffling.

Imani Gibson 13:02

Dad, what happened to Mr. Allen's cool Christmas lights? CJ and I want them in the video.

Brian Gibson 13:08

Looks like your mama is a better negotiator than I thought. Babe, how'd you get Mr. Allen to back down?

Robyn Gibson 13:15

I guess he had a change of heart.

Greatmomma 13:17

Now, deep down, Robyn knew no heart had been changed. In fact, that box she had borrowed was acting quite strange. It was making a loud buzzing sound from under the tree. Robin was glad no one could hear it over her loud company. But she was starting to feel nervous, though she stayed laughing and smiling. What if Mr. Allen found out and came over there wilding? Just as her fears had reached their peak, she heard the video bell chime, and she knew who it'd be. There was no need to check the camera or investigate. She had one more guest, and he was fashionably late.

Robyn Gibson 14:00

Mr. Allen. You actually came?

Gray Allen 14:03

Mrs. Gibson.

Robyn Gibson 14:05

Let me introduce you to my family.

Gray Allen 14:07

Mrs. Gibson.

Robyn Gibson 14:08

Everyone? Meet Mr. Allen.

Cousin Sharon 14:11

Wait. I know that's not the neighbor she's been bothering me about.

Robyn Gibson 14:14

Can I take your coat? Get you a drink? Do you play Bid Whist?

Gray Allen 14:19

No. This isn't a social call, Mrs. Gibson. I presume these scissors belong to you. Was this the real reason for your little visit today? To cut my lights and abscond with my package?

Brian Gibson 14:32

Babe? What's he talking about?

Gray Allen 14:34

I was able to track my delivery here. On top of vandalism and obstruction of correspondence, do you realize the havoc you've wrought?

Robyn Gibson 14:45

Wait a minute. You are the fool, not me. The havoc I've wrought? Mr. Allen, you are really something else. This neighborhood has been under siege for weeks by those ugly ass Christmas lights you can see from space. You refuse to listen to reason, so somebody had to save us.

Brian Gibson 15:03

Hold on. Hold on. Everybody needs to calm down and stop incriminating themselves.

Cousin Sharon 15:12

I don't know who you think you are, sir, but you can't come up in here talking crazy to my little cousin.

Aunt Lisa 15:17

What's all this fussing and fighting? I can see the damn Christmas lights from here. And I don't even have my glasses on.

Cousin Sharon 15:23

Robyn, you weren't lying. That shit is bright.

Aunt Lisa 15:30

Oh, what was that?

Robyn Gibson 15:31

Relax. It's just an ice quake.

Gray Allen 15:42

Not quite. Allow me to introduce you to my family. Gibson's meet The Greys.

Brian Gibson 15:55

Aliens?

Imani Gibson 16:00

They shot down our drone.

Gray Allen 16:03

What a travesty!

Brian Gibson 16:07

Now what are you doing? Oh my god, they're on the wall! They're on the wall! No, they're coming up the side of the wall! What are you doing over there? Get off my TV!

CJ Gibson 16:15

I have to get the drone!!!!

Brian Gibson 16:22

CJ, if you don't get your disobedient behind away from that door, kids, over here, now!

Robyn Gibson 16:28

Wait, wait, wait! You're a grey alien! Gray Allen? Grey alien? Ah! You didn't even try to hide that shit! But why are you here? What do you want with us?

Cousin Sharon 16:47

Run first and ask those stupid ass questions later!

Gray Allen 16:47

Yes, well you were correct about my lights being bright enough to see from space. Oh, I needed them to safely guide my family in from Planet Alteron. But meddlers had to meddle. Now you've drawn them to your home instead with that transponder you stole and so carelessly concealed.

Brian Gibson 17:18

Allegedly stole.

Robyn Gibson 17:20

That package was delivered here by mistake. I was gonna give it back after the holidays. See, it's right here under the tree.

Aunt Lisa 17:29

Sir, we don't want no smoke from y'all aliens. No lasers, no probes, none of that.

Robyn Gibson 17:34

Please just take the transponder thingy and go.

Gray Allen 17:38

Oh! What would be the fun in that?

Greatmomma 17:59

The party goers were snatched right into the sky. Neighbors all around could hear their scared cries. Aunt Lisa was particularly through because the experience took her out of her brand new shoes. Cousin Sharon was worried her car would get towed if she didn't retrieve it right out of the road. But they had bigger concerns than a ticket or clothes. As that beam of light locked in on them, they froze. The last words to be heard were the Gibsons in flight. All because Robyn couldn't abide by those lights.

Robyn Gibson 18:36

Brian! Imani! CJ!

Gray Allen 18:40

Delivery!

Robyn Gibson 18:59

I can't come to the door. Whatever it is, just leave it.

Gray Allen 19:19

Mrs. Gibson, I believe these are yours. It seems they were delivered to my home planet by mistake.

Robyn Gibson 19:23

Mom!

Brian Gibson 19:24

Babe!

Robyn Gibson 19:24

You brought them back. Brian! Babies!

Gray Allen 19:28

Let's just call it a Christmas gift. And a compromise.

Cousin Sharon 19:34

Girl, those Greys know how to throw a party. A couple of them are cute, too.

CJ Gibson 19:40

We flew in the ship!

Imani Gibson 19:41

I can't wait to tell all my friends. They'll never believe you went to space.

Gray Allen 19:46

Oh about that.

Greatmomma 19:50

With a whip of a device that no one could name, Mr. Allen cleared the memories from everyone's brains. The lights, the drones, the abduction, the ship, the entire adventure, gone in a blip. He turned around and walked back next door, thankfully to feud no more. But if only Mr. Allen had been able to zap away what was written in the Next Door app.

Robyn Gibson 20:19

Brian, Brian! Oh my god, I think they're talking about us on here.

Brian Gibson 20:23

Talking about us where?

Robyn Gibson 20:25

Next Door, baby. They're saying we were making all kinds of noise and that we had a party and kept everyone up.

Brian Gibson 20:30

Party? What party? Maybe they heard the kids on their games.

Robyn Gibson 20:35

And the whole damn neighborhood heard? Brian, listen. Listen to this.

Neighbors 20:40

Those Gibsons have got to go. That Christmas Eve party was loud as hell.

Mr. Paige 20:45

Loud as hell.

Neighbors 20:46

Whatever happened to Silent Night? When did we start shooting fireworks on Christmas Eve? The Gibsons just be doing the absolute most. No respect for people trying to sleep. Looks like we got a new nuisance of the neighborhood on our hands.

Robyn Gibson 21:01

What? Oh no!!!!!! No!!!!!!!

Greatmomma 21:32

Tune in for the next episode of Home for the Holidays. An entitled woman makes her New Year's resolutions come true, but at a terrible cost in: "The Burning Bowl." Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.