The Burning Bowl: New Year, New Fear

In the third episode of our horror comedy podcast series, “Home for the Holidays,” an entitled woman engages in a burning bowl ceremony to cleanse her life of exes, annoying relatives, conniving co-workers and other adversaries. At first, she is delighted with the quick and powerful results, but it’s not too long until she discovers the true cost of this popular New Year’s Eve ritual. Let the countdown to chaos begin!

Created, written and directed by The Kyles Sisters (Kyra Kyles and Kozi Kyles)
Myth Lab Entertainment
Podcast Engineer: Casey Baker 
Intro/Outro Music “The Bayou’s Lament” by: Guillermo Cueva
Additional Music: “Sinister Game" | 0QCLSXOWXJBRQEWJ

THE CAST: 
GREATMOMMA (NARRATOR): T.J. Pryor-Wells
DIANA: Bianca Lemaire
NICHELLE:  LaToya Cross
PASTOR BERNIECE JACKSON: Dominica Ivey
USHER/NEWS ANCHOR: Dexter Herron
PARISHIONER: Matt Henson
APOSTLE DEE: Sharon McKay-Anguin
KELLY: Danielle House
MEGAN: Rickel Hayes
AARON: Darian Johnson
DISPATCHER: Harlesha Taylor
MABLE: kittie KaBoom
WENDELL:  Reason Dixon
KAI: Dante Reid-Morgan
BURNING BOWL VOICE: Gary Scales

Your holidays are numbered... Follow @mythlabent on TikTok and Instagram. Friend us on Facebook at Myth Lab Entertainment. 

Transcript

Greatmomma 0:06

Myth Lab Entertainment presents Home for the Holidays: The Burning Bowl. On New Year's Eve, not too long ago, my niece Diana decided it was time to grow. She was tired of crowding around on the couch, fighting cousins for space in my cramped little house. We all watched a ball drop on my tiny TV. But whose fault is that? It's the size my son bought me. But I digress. It wasn't that we were all underdressed. Drinking Brut, count down with Ryan Seacrest. This year, she wanted to see a big shift. So her little girlfriend tried to give her a lift. Inviting her to church on New Year's Eve. All Diana had to do was believe. And maybe add to that collection plate 100 odd bucks. At least that's what they told her about changing her luck. Not having a husband, being plagued by her ex. Not getting promoted at work. Diana thought she'd been hexed.

Diana 1:18

It isn't fair.

Greatmomma 1:19

But you have to do this ceremony just as they say.

Diana 1:22

I'm leaving all the bad in 2025.

Greatmomma 1:24

Well, let's just note. Diana ain't known to obey.

Diana 1:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Let's go.

Pastor Berniece 1:45

God is good, y'all. Settle down, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For being in the house of the Lord tonight. I know you could be out clubbing. You could be uh drinking at a house party. For some of you men folk out there, even uh shooting up the neighborhood with your uncles old 45. But instead, you hear me? I said instead. You chose to be here at the Church of Overflowing Bounty and Endless Options.

Diana 2:23

Hey man. Well, some of us didn't choose to be here. We were dragged.

Nichelle 2:29

You said you wanted to come. Diana, that's great. People can hear you.

Diana 2:34

How with all this hooping and hollering, Nichelle? I thought you said this was a progressive church. I did not sign up for all the screaming on New Year's Eve.

Pastor Berniece 2:42

Amen, amen! All right now. I know some of y'all getting impatient. And when I say some, I'm speaking specifically to the young lady in the all-too casual jeans rolling her eyes in the third row. Nichelle, get your friend.

Diana 3:01

Oh my god. Matter of fact, young lady, come on up here. That's it. If you ain't too embarrassed with them acid washed pants, and that top with your titty meat out in the house of God. And bring your slip of paper. And perhaps a jacket to cover up your bosoms. Baby, I said a slip of paper. This is a whole scroll. What is this? Wait, hold on, baby. Only Pastor Berniece holds the mic. Hi, hi everyone. My name is Diana, and I'm a manager at the Hue R U Multicultural Agency. By the way, I should have been a director three years ago. That's right, I've been waiting a long time for a promotion that last week was given to a white woman.

Parishioner 3:50

No, they didn't! Sister, speak yo truth!!!

Diana 3:53

Yes, yes. And despite me giving 10 years, my cute years, to a man who I helped put through dental assistant school, he told me last year that he needed space. Now he is, what are you doing? And "good morning, beautifuling me" to death while all my other friends are married with kids. It isn't fair.

Pastor Berniece 4:13

I understand that, sister.

Pastor Berniece 4:14

But uh, let me get the mic back. You know, uh, all things are in God's time.

Diana 4:22

Well, God is definitely taking all of his time, and I'm tired of waiting. So I put all the things I'm sick of in here, and I'm ready to go to the bowl.

Pastor Berniece 4:30

Okay, uh, Diana, is it? Yeah, well, sister. The way we do it here is one item at a time. We want to be fully intentional when we go to the bowl. I'm gonna ask you, sis to stand to the side and pick one thing you wanna leave in 2025. And while you do that, I'm gonna have everyone else start lining up. Come on now, Ushers. Help her along now.

Diana 4:55

One thing??? I can't pick just one thing. Wait, get your hands off me.

Pastor Berniece 5:00

Ushers, just please help Miss Diana over to the side so she can choose her paper slip.

Diana 5:05

Stop! Okay, no need to shove. Wait, you made me drop some of them.

Usher 5:10

Here, you can use my flashlight. Just get a line when you finish.

Diana 5:14

The line is 100 people deep now.

Parishioner 5:16

The Lord is patient, as should you be.

Diana 5:20

Michelle! Michelle! Hold my space in line!

Nichelle 5:23

I'll try, girl. You know, I'm trying to get my blessings too. You know that.

Greatmomma 5:31

Now you know how I said Diana doesn't like to mind. Well, she high-tailed it out of there with her fast behind. And in her rush, she left a trail of paper and knocked down the vision boards of all of her neighbors. She even pushed an usher and a deacon as she fled, determined to go through with what she had in her head. She saw what the church had, and it wasn't unique. Just a bowl, some matches and paper, one sheet. She could do all of this and without all the prayer. If it had been me, I wouldn't have dared. But she lit up her fireplace. She wasn't scared.

Diana 6:17

Burning bowl ceremony. There we go.

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 6:23

All right now, if you will, Grand Rising. Now, you know, if you're watching this video, you're looking to purge yourself of the evils that are holding you back. I was just like you when I found myself underwater on my mortgage, drinking too much, and then forced to start living with my bald-headed, evil-ass sister. I was also hundreds and hundreds of points from getting A list status on Southwest despite frequent trips to see a man I later learned was cheating on me with that same evil bald-headed sister.

Diana 6:50

Lord, you are just as mouthy as Pastor Berniece. Let's go...

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 6:56

Why the burning bowl is important and can only be done once a calendar year. And you have to come at it with a clean spirit and limit yourself to something in your life (fast forwarding) Write down exactly what you want to lift from your spirit. You got to be exact. Because not only are other spirits listening, but demons are listening too, honey.

Diana 7:20

Yeah, yeah.

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 7:21

Place a slip of paper in the bowl and watch it burn completely. One wish per year, and make sure you come at it with clean hands.

Diana 7:29

Yep, just use some Purell not too long ago. Let's go.

Greatmomma 7:37

So as you know, Diana had a laundry list, and she figured she wouldn't waste a chance like this. She had about ten names of folks she wanted to smite. She started with her new boss, her ex, and her father's new wife. She also wrote that she wanted to be free of the meddling members of her family. I didn't see all the names, but I do suppose she might have thrown my name into that burning bowl.

Diana 8:08

By the power invested in me, I commit to this bowl the name of Kelly O'Hagan. You know damn well you didn't deserve that promotion. Bye, bitch.

Greatmomma 8:18

Little did Diana know that somewhere across town, Kelly was at a nightclub getting down.

Kelly 8:31

Yeah. 2026 is our year, bitches.

Megan 8:36

Congrats on the promotion, Kells.

Kelly 8:39

Thank you, babe. Let's do a shot. Congrats, Megan, on your baby.

Megan 8:45

Oh, should I be drinking?

Friend Group 8:47

Shop, shot, shot, shot, shot.

Greatmomma 8:55

Before that Jager bomb made it to their lips, there was a plume of smoke. Then Kelly didn't exist.

Megan 9:06

Oh shit. Somebody turn down the smoke machine. Kelly, you okay? Kelly? Kelly? Kelly, where'd you go? Oh my god, did we just get roofied? Where is she? Oh shit. Someone call security! Kelly? Kelly!

Greatmomma 9:29

And if that wasn't enough of a Thanos blip, Diana was filling out another slip. This one was about her competitive brother, but the phone drew her attention to another.

Diana 9:47

Hello, Aaron.

Aaron 9:48

Hey, beautiful. What you doing? Are you out for New Year's? I went to your mama's house looking for you.

Diana 9:54

Uh, okay. You didn't go to my mama's house when we were together. I hope you didn't embarrass me.

Aaron 9:59

When have I ever embarrassed you? I just missed you.

Diana 10:03

So why haven't you returned any of my calls? Oh, I get it. You're drunk.

Aaron 10:08

Not drunk. I'm just in a good mood. You let me come over. Won't you?

Diana 10:15

I'm not.

Aaron 10:16

Then why is your car outside?

Diana 10:20

Why are you here? Where's Brandy?

Aaron 10:25

You know the only woman for me is you. You know that. You just complain so much.

Diana 10:31

Well, if I'm the only woman for you when you get drunk, I'm not the woman for you. Go home, Aaron. I'm busy.

Aaron 10:37

I drove all the way across town. I can't come in for one drink to toast the new year. I'ma leave after that, I promise.

Diana 10:46

You'll leave? Why do you have your go bag? No, sir, not tonight. I'm leaving all the bad in 2025, and that includes you.

Aaron 10:53

I'll put it back in my trunk, okay? Just one drink. Please, baby.

Diana 10:58

Immediately no.

Aaron 11:03

I'm gonna sober up on your steps, then. Now I remember why we didn't work out. You evil as hell.

Diana 11:10

Am I? Well, let's see about that.

Greatmomma 11:14

Before Aaron could put his butt on the porch, his name had been written and summarily scorched. As the paper caught aflame and disappeared, Diana, for the first time, felt a twinge of fear. She didn't open the door, as that was a whole thing. So she looked on her phone and opened her Ring. There was nobody there as she examined the porch. But there was a big black mark, as if something was torched. She reround and watched Erin vanish from sight, leaving behind the bag he'd brought to stay overnight.

Diana 11:50

Holy shit! Holy shit! Aaron! Aaron! Aaron! Stop it! Where'd you go? Aaron! Aaron!

Greatmomma 12:03

She ran to his car, but there was nobody. When she burned up his name, she had not meant it. And now all that was left of her fickle beau was a duffel full of condoms and a plume of smoke. She ran back into the house and closed the door. You would have thought she'd learned something, but more was in store.

Diana 12:29

Oh my god. A P O S T L E D E E Burning Bowl. Oh my god, oh my God.

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 12:41

And you have to come at it with a clean spirit. And limit yourself to something in your life you want to leave behind. A dead-end job. A bad relationship with your father or whomever else. Whatever you do, do not put anyone's name in the bowl.

Diana 13:00

Now you tell me, you idiot!

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 13:02

Not only will that person be in mortal danger, the demon will see this as a sacrifice. It's like opening up a line of credit. But this ain't no Mastercard. Place the slip of paper in the bowl and watch it burn completely. One wish per year and make sure you come at it with clean hands.

Diana 13:26

This should have been in the caption!

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 13:26

Whatever you do, do not put anyone's name in the bowl. Not only will that person be in mortal danger, the demon will see this as a sacrifice. It's like opening up a line of credit but this ain't no Mastercard.

Dispatcher 13:59

9-1-1. What is your emergency?

Diana 14:02

This is Diana Farmer. I live at 3508 King Drive. There's been an explosion outside my house. Somebody is missing.

Dispatcher 14:12

Ma'am, it's New Year's Eve. There are a lot of explosions. Please hold.

Diana 14:16

Wait, wait, no. His name is Aaron Hodges, and he has vanished completely. You need to get over here now. Hello? Hello?

Diana 14:31

(Knock at door) Hey, Mabel, I'm sorry. Now's not a good time.

Mabel 14:34

You're damn right it's not a good time. Your shiftless boyfriend is blocking my drive. I've told you about this shit 100 times. I'm gonna call the tow truck.

Diana 14:49

Girl, do what you need to do. I'm on the line with the police. Aaron vanished.

Mabel 14:54

Oh, I know that. I seen him vanish into that young lady's house that lives right up the street. And once he was in there, I bet he vanished in the more than that.

Diana 15:06

Get out of my house, you miserable ass cow. 911? Is there anyone on the line?

Mabel 15:13

That's a good idea. I will call 911. You don't even pay your assessments on time. Always causing trouble.

Diana 15:23

Mabel, shut up! Just give me a minute to think.

Mabel 15:27

I don't have to give you nothing. I'm going to stay out here u ntil you or he moves this car. I'm not going nowhere. (to dispatcher) Hello? Yeah. I need a tow truck to come to 3508 King Drive, immediately!

Diana 15:59

I can't move the car. Aaron really disappeared!

Mabel 15:59

I'm sure he did! Why wouldn't he? I would too if I was dating some selfish, evil heifer who plays her music too loud. And you got that fireplace going and smoke is everywhere. That's a fire hazard right there!

Greatmomma 16:11

Now, I know you'll say my niece had gone too far. But she didn't know about Kelly, and she was worried about Erin and the car. But she and Mabel never got on. In fact, her neighbor had been trying her last nerve for ever so long. So before she knew it, Diana had that pen. I don't have to tell you what happened then.

Mabel 16:35

Sick of it was so peaceful till you moved here. And you never parked your car in the lines. I ought to have you towed too.

Diana 16:48

Yeah, shut up. Shut up. Back to hell where you belong. That's right. 2026 is gonna be my year. I was feeling bad, but you know what? Demon or not, I told y'all to leave me alone and y'all wouldn't.

Greatmomma 17:03

And while my niece was dealing with that, she heard some gunshots firing out back. Some teenage boys who like to make racket were back there going full metal jacket.

Kai 17:14

2026! Happy New Year!

Diana 17:15

Oh my god, is someone hurt?

Wendell 17:19

Ayo, auntie, nah. It's just me and my boys celebrating the new year. 10 minutes to midnight.

Diana 17:25

It is? Wendell, is that you? I thought I asked you to stop shooting that gun. Last year you hit my car.

Wendell 17:31

Yeah, we ain't nowhere near your car. Be cool.

Diana 17:33

Wendell, it's been a long night. My nerves are fried. Can you all just take that down the block?

Wendell 17:38

Nah, we really can't. Girl, my family been out here for 60 years. You just moved up in here. Gentrifying. Just go on to bed. Isn't it past bedtime for people your age anyway? Hmm.

Diana 17:50

You know, you a good kid, and I don't want to put any young black man in the path of the police. But just so you know, I'm on hold with 911.

Wendell 17:58

You threatening me?

Diana 18:00

I'm warning you.

Kai 18:03

Oh no, she warning us, twin.

Wendell 18:05

Miss Diana, good night. Oh, you may want to keep away from the windows in case we miss.

Diana 18:15

You're right, Wendell. It's time to wish you a good night. And yeah, happy new year. Wendell Adams and random assholes he's friends with.

Kai 18:42

Damn, dog, you hit? What happened? Wendell, you good? Oh shit, maybe he saw 12! Let's go.

Greatmomma 19:05

She was losing it more with each name that she pledged. But what she didn't realize or didn't want to know is that there was really dark magic up in that bowl. As the clock turned to midnight, she was running a tab on each name that she'd write.

Dispatcher 19:22

911, thanks for holding. What is your emergency?

Diana 19:25

Nothing anymore. Happy New Year.

Greatmomma 19:29

She cleaned out the bowl that was filled up with ash. Then she grabbed some champagne and poured up a glass. She was toasting herself and the loss of the blights that until now had been keeping her from her best life. She wanted Nichelle to know that she was made whole by her own approach at the burning bowl. Nichelle heard her friend and thought she sounded undone. She was leaving church and decided to come. She wanted to see if Diana was straight, but little did she know she was sealing her fate.

Diana 20:15

Hello? Hey girl, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Hold on.

Nichelle 20:23

Hey, sis. I'm sorry it's so late. I just wanted to check in on you before I head home. Oh, it's so quiet and nice. Those pookies around the corner ain't shooting?

Diana 20:34

What'd I tell you, burning bowl?

Nichelle 20:37

Yeah, yeah. I heard what you said, but I'm trying to understand. What does a burning bowl have to do with getting rid of them little YNs back there?

Diana 20:45

I'll put Wendell's name in the bowl.

Nichelle 20:48

And then?

Diana 20:48

He's gone. They're all gone.

Nichelle 20:53

Who's they?

Diana 20:54

Well, Aaron, for one. Take a look there.

Nichelle 20:58

What's that? Somebody lit a firecracker on your porch, girl. They can get that out with some turpentine.

Diana 21:04

That's not from a firecracker. That's Aaron. I have his bag right here. Gucci slides and everything.

Nichelle 21:10

Oh, he came over here?

Diana 21:12

Yes, for the last time, too. And that over there, see by the bushes under the window. That's where Mabel was.

Nichelle 21:18

Oh my god. Girl, all the grass is burnt. Yeah, I think those pookies had some fireworks from Indiana. Mmm. Are you gonna get fined by your association?

Diana 21:30

Who's gonna tell them? Like I said, Mabel is gone.

Nichelle 21:34

Diana, you know I love you, right? But this is scaring me. Sit down. The burning bowl doesn't do this. I have done this every year since I turned 21. I put things in a bowl. Sometimes they work out, sometimes the problem stays. It's a mindset thing, girl. Clearing your mind, it's not literal.

Diana 21:57

I didn't do it like you did in church. I did it my way and it worked.

Nichelle 22:01

It's not a Twilight Zone episode. You can't just wish people away.

Diana 22:06

You can't. How about this?

Anchor 22:14

Tonight at the Starlight Night Club on the city's Northwest side, a celebration is turned into a search. Friends say that Kelly O'Hagan, a local marketing executive vanished before the stroke of midnight. And now one of the friends is missing. Stacey Gates joins us live at the scene.

Nichelle 22:45

Is that old girl who got the promotion? Diana, what is going on? Are you a unabomber?

Diana 22:52

I have already told you what happened. Now it's on you if you don't believe me. I'll tell you what, I'm getting real tired and I want to go to sleep. You can stay here on the couch, but it's late, and I can't talk about this anymore. New Year, new me, and I want to leave it in the past.

Nichelle 23:06

You're telling me that three people are missing because you put their names in a bowl. And your next move is to go to sleep? You need help.

Diana 23:15

Well, if you don't believe me, you don't believe me. What? You want me to show you? No. Because it feels like you need to see it to believe it, girl. The same girl who was up in church doing all them arts and crafts, wishing for a better life, can't understand that I made this shit happen. It sounds to me like you're jealous.

Nichelle 23:33

I sound jealous? You sound crazy.

Diana 23:36

Watch it.

Speaker 6 23:37

I'm serious. Yo, like all year you've been complaining and bitching and moaning, and I've tried to be a good friend to you. I have. I've listened even though you barely even ask me how I'm doing.

Diana 23:48

Nichelle...

Nichelle 23:49

No, no. So I take you to my church. You show up dressed like you're going to the club. You embarrass me in front of my pastor. You leave early, and I have to get an Uber back on New Year's Eve during surge prices. I go out of my way to stop to check on you. And all you talking crazy. Let me just call a car.

Diana 24:08

Call one.

Nichelle 24:09

And just so you know, let me tell you what I put in the burning bowl. Friendships that no longer serve me. I came here to check on you, but also to say goodbye.

Diana 24:22

You phony ass bitch. I knew you didn't care about me. I knew you were always just judging me. Well, guess what?

Nichelle 24:29

What?

Diana 24:29

I'm gonna make it easy for you to make good on your little wish. While you over there talking, I was over here writing. It looks like I'm not done just yet. I have one more thing to put in the bowl.

Nichelle 24:39

Don't you write my name on that piece of paper.

Diana 24:41

Too late. And since I'm crazy, you shouldn't be worried.

Nichelle 24:45

You're evil. Stop!

Diana 24:48

Let it go. It's done.

Nichelle 24:56

No! No! Well, it looks like I'm still here. Time to call an Uber and get away from your toxic ass.

Diana 25:14

Nichelle? Nichelle? Oh no! I didn't mean it, girl. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I'll take it out. I'll take it out.

Greatmomma 25:22

So Diana reached into that bowl in a last dish effort to save Nichelle's soul. But she only succeeded in burning her hand. As she ran to get water, she heard a command. Out of the fiery coals, this voice came. How my niece wished she had not thrown in that last name.

Burning Bowl Demon 25:44

Greetings, Diana, happy new year! But you won't get to experience it, I fear. Before you go, I want to thank you for the souls. I've never gotten so many from one burning bowl. They're all burning in hell, and that's all thanks to you. But you had to be aware that the price has come due. You hated your whole life and all that transpired. Well, now it's your turn to burn the fire.

Greatmomma 26:26

The disaster was blamed on lint in her dryer. Me and the family were wracked with sorrow. We had been hoping to see Di at dinner tomorrow. Now we just wanted to make sure she got put in the ground. But after the investigation, no body was found. Making it more strange, her neighbor had vanished. A young man who lived out back was seemingly banished. And nobody could find her best friend Nichelle. And if this was connected to Kelly, nobody could tell. It was a horrible night, and one we won't ever forget. But one thing I know now, those bowls are legit. So if you ever think to use one to change your fate, find another source of luck before it's too late.

Kozi Kyles 27:39

This episode marks the end of season one of this horror comedy podcast from Myth Lab Entertainment. We are the co-creators, writers, and directors of the series, the Kyle Sisters. I'm Kozi.

Kyra Kyles 27:51

I'm Kyra. If you've missed any of season one, make sure to go back and listen to the dressing and all of the lights. Then subscribe so you'll be among the first to know when we return with more humor, horror, and holidays. Very soon in season two.

Apostle Dee (YouTube Prophet) 28:06

Coming soon to a set of earbuds or speakers near you.