My Story: Part 8 with Sean Davis

This episode is the moment where everything shifts.  For the first time, Sean joins me to help tell the next part of our story, because this chapter could not be told without him. What begins as a celebration of love, family, and finally building something that was truly ours quickly turns into one of the most unexpected and life-altering turns we have ever faced.

In this conversation, we share the beauty of choosing to adopt Ana as an adult and what it meant to create a family not just by circumstance, but by intention. We reflect on the season of finally having our home, our space, and each other after years of pouring into everyone else. But just as we reached what felt like a long-awaited sense of peace, everything changed. Sean shares the moment he felt called to move, the urgency behind it, and the tension it created between us as I wrestled with letting go of the very life we had just built.

What follows is a story of obedience, resistance, loss, and trust. From selling everything and leaving our home behind to arriving in a new place only to face immediate grief and doubt, this episode holds the raw reality of what it looks like to follow a path you do not fully understand. It is about the stretch that comes with growth, the pain that can accompany purpose, and the quiet faith it takes to keep going anyway.

If you have ever felt like your life was being uprooted just as things were finally starting to feel right, I hope this episode reminds you that sometimes the breaking is part of the becoming. Even in the uncertainty, you are still being led somewhere meaningful.

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Transcript

Heather 0:02

Hello, friends, and welcome back to The Free Advantage. I'm your host, Heather Davis, and I want to invite you into a new season of real stories, real recovery, and real freedom. This show has always been about self-discovery, authenticity, and recovering a life of freedom. And this year, we are taking that journey together in a deeper way. You're gonna hear raw, honest conversations with people walking this path in real time. Stories of growth, healing, purpose, and becoming whole. You'll also hear from me as I reflect on these themes that rise from the stories, answer your questions, and offer small, meaningful takeaways that you can carry back into your week. This is not just a podcast you listen to. It's a place you belong where you are part of the conversation. Today is the day.

Sean 0:59

Get it out.

Heather 1:00

I'm starting. I was gonna do it and you laughed really loud. Welcome back, everybody. Today is the day where Sean is finally joining us. We are already having so much fun. I've been laughing hysterically, just trying to get this video started. It's very difficult. So I'm just starting. So here we are. I'm super glad and super excited that you're joining me today, honey.

Sean 1:26

I'm super excited to be here.

Choosing Adult Adoption For Ana

Heather 1:29

Um I am thrilled that he's gonna be able to come on and be a part. I like I said last week, having him on and really sharing and being a part of the end of this story for me is the best way to actually get it out to you guys. Because I don't know that I could really do the rest of my story justice without him, because the rest of my life is nothing but completely incorporated into everything that he is. So thank you for coming on and joining me. Um, last week I know I left off on there was this big surprise that was happening. Um, but before we get into that, I want to just kind of catch up to a little thing, a few things. I know we had talked about me renovating the house, we had been renovating the house. It took us all through COVID and through most of 2021 to get all of that done. I had started coaching school through that year, so a lot was happening. And as we started coming up into 2022, um, we had really gotten into this place with Ana where she had finally decided that she was ready for us to adopt her. And so we went through the whole adoption process. Do you want to talk anything about that?

Sean 2:37

We can. Yes, I'm not as good with dates as you are.

Heather 2:43

Well, the dates, it's just neither here nor there. It's just kind of how I how I collect all of the thoughts in my head. So, but uh we did. It was February. Um, we had decided finally, you know, with her, she had her own family. And Ana was an adult. So it was there was a lot of discussion about how that would even happen, if it needed to happen. But she felt and we felt that it was really important for her to really be a true part of the family and not just saying that she was a part of the family. That was a big deal to her. And we had had that discussion, I think, on and off throughout the the past few years with her. But there was some things that were going on with her own family that we knew that she needed the time to deal with those kinds of struggles that she was experiencing before we were to adopt her. Because we wanted, like, if there was any hope or any chance of like reconciliation with her family, that she had the opportunity to do that. Because once we adopted her, that changes everything. You know, I mean, it basically is like we've had her since birth, even though she's at this time as an adult. And doing an adult adoption is it's not very common. So she was well into her 20s by the time that we adopted her, but it was it was a really good thing. It was a very special experience for all of us. And of course, now she is legally ours. And um, it was been a great thing. I think it was a really big deal for you, too, coming from a background where you don't have any of your own biological children, and then stepping into Austin, having adopted him, and then adopting Ana, you know, what was that like for you?

Sean 4:22

That's a lot. We could probably spend the whole episode just talking about that. I mean, she's a lot like you and my other children as the love of my life. Uh for me, it's hard to see somebody with so much love not being reciprocated for her. And that always broke my heart. Um she just always wanted to be a part. She was so amazing and so talented and so gifted, uh and was just always there, right? Like in the middle of anything that we were doing. She always wanted to be there. Uh, but it was really important as you were talking about that I wanted to make sure that if this is the life she wanted, this is the family she wanted to be a part of, that she takes the time to reconcile her past with her family and with her feelings and thoughts about that, right? Um not only just because of an adult adoption, but like I wanted her to come into it full hearted. I didn't want her to hold on to anything in the past, being scared, like, oh, well, what if this doesn't work out too? Because I didn't want her and I didn't ever want her to have her heart broken again. Um, so we wanted to make sure we went through the right steps and gave her time to be able to grieve that because I mean that you are losing a family when you're gaining another family, and there's a process that comes with that as well. Um, but when she was ready, she was ready, right? There was no question about it. It wasn't a, hey, you gotta meet this checklist of qualifications. She just came to us one day and was like, hey, dad, I'm I'm ready to do this. And we're like, okay, let's go make it happen.

Heather 5:51

Yeah, that was interesting because I know we had had lots of conversations with her over the years before where she was like, I really want this, you know, I really want to have y'all's name. I really want to feel like a part of the family. And we wanted that too, but we knew that she was not ready for it. We knew there was still stuff that she needed to really kind of deal with on her own before we were willing to take that step. Because we were very, very clear about once we do this, we're not doing this back and forth thing, right? Because there's a lot of trauma that goes on with her family. There's a lot of drama that was happening during that time, and people are just coming out of the woodworks, like pulling her in different directions, like people that she doesn't even really talk to ever, who were wanting something from her. And so when I we made it very clear that when you become a part of this family for real, like for your legally our child, right? Like there will be things that we will not allow to happen in your life because we know they're not good for you. And so we wanted to make sure that she was ready for that. And when she was, we all knew. Like we knew that okay, she was ready and this was the time. So it was super cool watching her go down and uh you know us do the whole adoption and then eventually getting her name changed and her carrying our name. It was it was such a beautiful experience, and I'm super glad we got to do that. And that happened, like I swear, everything that happens in my life has just been kind of like and and yours too, right? Like it's just boom, boom, boom. Just it feels like there's never a break from not just bad things happening, but good things too. It's just there was always a lot of you know events going on. And agreed. Um after the adoption, it was literally not even a handful of days, it felt like maybe a couple of weeks, even for me, where now here we are coming up on this really big surprise. So um I'm really gonna let you lead on this one because this was something that you experienced and that you brought to me, and and I will talk about how I felt about all of that. But we had just accomplished the full renovation on the home. Everything is just the way we want, it's perfectly beautiful. We did it exactly as we wanted, and I know we had gone back and forth so many times about the renovation. Was like, okay, so when we do this, do because there was so much talk about do we stay or do we go? Like, do we stay in this house?

Sean 8:20

A theme there.

Heather 8:21

There was, and then it was this weird thing. Like even since the time that we moved in, I mean, it wasn't barely, we hadn't even been there six months before we were like, well, do you think we'll be in this house forever? Do you think we want to move? And I still think a lot of that was wrapped up around your sister and why we bought the home to have more space for everybody, even though our intention wasn't for them to live there forever. But now that they're no longer in the picture, I think our feelings kind of got tainted around the house a little bit because of that. But we always had this do we stay or do we go? Like, do we find something else? So when we remodeled, we were like, do we remodel this as a home that we would sell, or do we remodel it the way we would want, the way we would like it, which is, I will promise you, is very unique compared to what normal homes look like. So, and once we finally got through that debate, we were like, no, we're gonna stay. We're gonna remodel this home the way that we want it, the way that we like it, to make it what we want. And that's what we did. And we were, I mean, man, what maybe three months into fully enjoying that space for the like, oh, Ana was gone, Austin was gone, you know, Andrew is now in college, he's graduated and high school, and now he's doing his own thing in Texas. And it's just you and I, you and I and Ginger, our little dog. And that was a wild experience, um, though short-lived. It was a wild experience, just you and me being in our own home, but enjoying like there wasn't all this work to do in the house. It was finished. We used to put our couches, we had two couches, we used to put them together, and we had this really cool sound system, and we would lay and make this couch bed and just watch all these movies together. And we really enjoyed that time. And I was like really settling into finally like, oh, you know, we've arrived at this place with our home and in our lives and enjoying that. Um, I had just recently had graduated coaching school. I'm getting into starting the business. And so it was, it was, I was excited. And I remember for me personally, I was sitting on the couch one day. It's right this, of course, uh I was just talking to him earlier, like all these random, like big events start happening right around my birthday. So it was just a couple of weeks before my birthday. Um, and you had been outside on the back porch, and I was sitting in the living room, and I remember he came in and he just kind of had this weird look on his face. And uh, I'll let you take it from there.

Sean 10:53

Yeah, that was a big moment. Um I think for me, the entire time of being in that home, I always struggled with are we building this for everyone else, are we building this for us? And for most people, when you get a home, that's a signal that says, Hey, we're really starting to establish our life together. And the entire history of our marriage has always been we were taking care of somebody else, we were taking in people in our homes, or you know, there was it was never just us, right? And not even just us, but us and our children, right? It was always wayward children, it was always new people coming in, like God just had been sending them since the beginning, right? Whether it was our family or not, they became our family. Uh and how you build a home for in service of other people versus in service of the things you really want was radically different. So we were always in this commit or don't commit cycle of what it was we wanted to do with the home. And I think when you know Austin left and uh Ana had, you know, gotten ready to move out, and everybody, my sister was gone, and everyone else was gone, it was the first time where it was like us. And I think we were trying to find our identity because building a house to be durable enough to support 11, 12 people is very different than it being aesthetically pleasing for a couple of people.

Heather 12:18

Definitely.

Sean 12:19

Um, so we had built this house, and I thought it was such a such an amazing experience because it started with you wanting to have shelves on the wall. And I was like, those are hundreds of dollars. We can't afford that. You want like a 12-foot shelf on the wall, and you wanted three of them. And I was like, man, this is gonna be uh almost to $10,000 for somebody to custom build stuff like this and install it. And you're like, I'll just build it myself. And I thought, oh dear God, no, because the only thing that's worse than spending $10,000 on really nice shelves is probably spending a couple of grand on the materials to not make really great shelves that neither of us have ever had experience with. So when you said that, I was like, okay, I'm gonna go do this. So I went and learned how to build floating shelves, and then I added my own twist in with lighting and everything else. Um, and then that led to me saying, Oh, well, look at what I can do. I can do these things. And you said, Hey, can you build floating cabinetry? Can you build floating shelves for the kitchen? And it ended up like our entire house and this remodel that we did was all custom cabinetry that I had built from the start to the end. So I think it really kind of pulled me into saying, okay, for the first time in our lives, something is ours. Yeah. Like we didn't just buy some stuff and install it in. We didn't go to Home Depot, spend 40 grand and just throw some stuff in the kitchen. We're gonna get it.

Heather 13:38

Yeah, and that's what I said last week. It's like it's like we did all the work. We built all the things, we came together and really collaborated and watched and really saw what you and I could create together.

Sean 13:48

What an experience that was. So I think it was the first time we were investing in stuff for us, and that was my perspective of the journey I I had in that part. But then like everything just started to click after that. Like you and I got on the same page with the types of things that we wanted, with the accents, how we were doing the trim, and then the color, right? Like all of these things kind of just came together at the time and we really started moving through it. Right. And the house. Yeah, the house was done in you know, a matter of months, but it was just I worked, I cut off of work, then we started to work on the house until three o'clock in the morning, just watching through the entire series of friends in the background.

Heather 14:28

We always kept friends on in the background that kind of helped keep us awake. I think I went also through like hundreds of atomic fireballs. I mean you had gone and got me a bunch of atomic fireballs, so I'm just kind of like popping those to stay awake. It's it's crazy.

Sean 14:42

Uh we learned a lot about ourselves through this process, the things that we liked, the things we didn't like, and we upgraded and changed things according to that. Uh, and I thought it was really great because it was the first time I I felt like in our life together, we ever made something ours. It wasn't like, hey, we're creating because we're we're really good at creating space together for others.

Heather 15:02

Yeah.

Sean 15:02

But we've never really been really great at creating space for each other. Yeah. Um, you do good for me and I do good for you. But when we as together say, hey, let's make a space for us, despite everything that's going on in our life, was not something we ever really spent a lot of time doing. So I think that was the first time we had, and that was incredibly important to me because we had just built this thing together for the first time after being together for like 10 years.

Heather 15:27

And we loved it.

Sean 15:28

Oh, and it was everything that we loved. It just it's one thing to go and buy stuff and have it installed and it be things that you love. It's something entirely different to build it by your hands, your own blood, sweat, and tears every single day, and to see it come out the way that you dreamed it to be when you wrote it on a piece of paper.

Heather 15:45

It's way different.

Sean 15:46

I highly encourage no matter how good you are, no matter how not good you are at something, like let those dreams out and just give it a shot, right? Like you will be surprised at how much it changes your life.

Heather 15:58

Yeah, and how much you're capable of.

Sean 16:00

Absolutely, right? And if you could do it with your spouse, even the better, right?

Heather 16:03

DIY for the win.

The Quiet Peak Before Change

Sean 16:04

It was it was go through the experience. It'll be tough, but it'll be worth it in the end. Yeah. Uh so that kind of leads me to like, we had just finished, it had been a couple of months, and we're really enjoying this. We rewarded ourselves with a sound system, and we decided we were gonna watch all the Marvel series movies end to end. We had them in order, and we were why and it was like the coolest thing in the world because we live far enough away from everybody that nobody was gonna hear it. So it was like being in a Dolby movie theater in our living room. We could literally hear it from the street, and it had the atmosphere, so like stuff that you could hear, helicopters coming from around. It was amazing, it was amazing. Um, and it was like our own little slice of heaven, and nobody was around, so that was what we were enjoying every day. It was literally like time was frozen. I remember that as like one of the big moments that it was just you and I, and we were loving life together for once, and it was incredible, right? Peak for me. It really was because it felt like peak life, like we had finally arrived at what we wanted together.

Heather 17:09

Like handful of months that we have ever spent together alone in our own home. Like that was just it's just something that we've not done.

Sean 17:17

We've not it was not interrupted by needs of other things or by life around you or by the massive events. It was like this nice quiet lull to get to enjoy each other for the first time in over 10 years, and it was incredible.

Heather 17:31

Oh, the rest we needed that we didn't even know to prepare for the next what's coming.

Sean 17:37

So one day I go out to I'm smoking a cigarette and I'm surveying the land. I'm looking at this big, beautiful oak tree that we've had for so long. The thing is like over 300 years old. Um, you know, we've cared for this land, we've built it into what we want. I'm just reflecting on how wonderful the home is, all of the things that we had. And I turned to look at like this rack of where my wife had kept plants, and it was like pretty much just like the all the dead plant rack or whatever.

Heather 18:06

Like she was winter, but it was winter, so things had died down.

Sean 18:10

She was never like the green thumbiest person in the world, but you know, it's like all these plants had pretty much just wilted or whatever. And I was like, I can't wait till you know these start springing back up and seeing all the different because you were always about the environment. Everything looked nice. There's always flowers around. Like you always made things beautiful no matter where we were and what we were doing. And uh, you know, I'm I'm starting to pray, thanking God for all of this wonderful stuff. I'm like, man, it's exactly like we want it to be. You know, this came from a tragedy of us coming home after a vacation and water had just leaked out under the toilet and had flooded the basement, and all this other crazy stuff had happened that led to us having to do the renovation. And I'm like, I'm so grateful of what you turned in because the amount of money that we got, had we not done all of the work ourselves, we could have never had half the nice things that we did. We redid two bathrooms, a full kitchen, a full living room, painted the entire house, retrimmed the entire house for less than 15 grand. I mean, that's incredible, even in COVID times because the price on lumber was higher than it had ever been. And I was like, Thank you, God. It's just so awesome for everything that you've given us and like the life that we have now. We just get to enjoy each other, we get to watch movies and all these other. I'm just in this like mode of thankfulness because that's always like my prayer mode is just thank you. I'm so grateful, I'm so appreciative. Um and then I hear this little voice bring me back over to these plants, and it's like, it's time to go. And I'm kind of like, why am I getting this compulsion to go? Like, do I need to leave to go on a trip or something? Like that time with Brian or Marcus, you know? And I hear this like voice say, Well, she's she's going to die if you don't put her in a bigger pot. And I'm like, what does that mean? So now I'm like in reflective mode of like, okay, God's speaking me. I hear what you're saying, I'm listening. What does this mean? Like, bigger pot. What are you what are you talking about? And I just kept getting this feeling that was like this urgency started to well inside of me that was like, we have to go. And I'm fighting with it because I'm like, no, we just built all of this. It is exactly like my wife is at peak happiness, and I'm not trying to, as a husband, for all the husbands out there that know, is like you're not trying to mess with like when you've got as close to perfection as you're ever gonna get, right? Like she could not be happier. It's exactly the way she wants it. I'm happy with all of it, and I did it all myself. For a man, it doesn't get any better, right? Because now she's happy with the world that you've built around her, and it's like you need to go. And I'm like, no, I don't know that I I want to do that. Like, maybe this is my mind getting in my own way, telling me like you can't be happy, like you need to be unsettled again because our life had never really been settled.

Heather 21:05

Yeah.

The Big Fight About Moving

Sean 21:06

And I I I got ready to throw my cigarette down and I'm stepping away, and then I'm overcome by this feeling that's like I don't know how to explain it, other than if you feel like there's imminent danger, and you it's that fight or flight that click clicks in, and it's like you you're ready, you're prepared for the battle, but your body's like, nope, peace out. Like, you gotta get away from this, like you're not going to survive this battle type thing, right? And I'm like, I, you know, and I'm wrestling with God, like metaphorically wrestling with him. And I'm like, I don't want to do this. Um, well, you know, I said, Well, speak clearly, right? Tell me what it is that I honestly need to do. And I get this picture of this wilted plant, right? And I get this feeling like my wife. Is struggling to be in the place that she's at, right? Like it wasn't a metaphorical death of like, oh, if we don't move from here, your wife is literally going to die, physically die. It is a she's stunted where she's at, right? And you need to go somewhere else and put her somewhere where she has opportunity to do more, to be more, to find more, to seek more. And I'm like, okay. Right? Like, uh I get that. Can I not move? Maybe we can keep this house or whatever else. But it's it's you know, if you've ever had an experience with God, I don't know what your experience is like, but mine is like you're told without being told, in so many words. Like you know what to do, but you've not been given an instruction manual on how you're going to do it, right? And I was like rarely is that the case you know, and and what kept coming back to me is like, we have to leave, we have to go somewhere else. This is not the right place for us anymore.

Heather 22:58

And and that is exactly what you came in and said. So it was kind of weird because like I remember I'm sitting there, you come in and you're just standing like in the doorway, and you're acting funny, and I'm like, what's going on? And you're like, oh nothing, you know, and I'm like, okay, well, something's going on, I can tell. I mean, you're obviously affected, and you're like, I don't want to say. And I'm like, okay, well, you need to say it. Like, you need to say it. And you're like, we need to move. And I remember just laughing. I'm like, that's cute. Um, what? And you're like, no, I'm serious. We need to move. And I'm like, well, what do you mean we need to move? And he was like, I mean, we have to move. He's like, I was outside, I was praying, and God spoke to me, and he says that we have to move. And he goes, and we have to move now. And I am what? You talk about fight or flight. I'm like, oh no, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. We just finished this home. We have already made these decisions, we've already had these conversations. I'm not going anywhere. Like, no.

Sean 24:14

And you were not happy.

Heather 24:16

And you were like, well, um, it doesn't really matter. We're gonna have to move. And I'm like, I don't even know what that means. And I honestly, I don't even remember the rest of what that night held, but I remember the ongoing days where this kept being a conversation because you did feel an urgency and you're like, no, I'm serious. Like, we need to start looking for another place. We're moving from here. And you're trying to explain it to me, and I'm I'm arguing him. I'm not, I am not about it.

Sean 24:44

Oh, you're angry.

Searching In A Brutal Market

Heather 24:46

I was, I was very angry, and you're like, no, we're gonna have to move. And so, like, you immediately start looking for places to rent, you're looking for other homes to buy, um, you know, and I'm going, I'm like, look around. Like, look, look what we just did. Like, if this was the point all along to move, then why did we spend the time making it exactly what we wanted? Like, why that we why did we do this? Like, I would never have done this, right? If it was just going to be ripped out from underneath me. And I'm like, now I'm praying, and I'm like, God, you need to tell me that he's crazy, so I can go tell him he doesn't know what he's talking about. And he was like, you know, and I'm like, I'm getting nothing. And I'm like, oh my heaven's sakes. And I remember we had a really big argument about it one night, and I'm like, why? Like, there's no way that God is just telling us to move and there's no reason why. And you just kind of got this look, and I'm like, you know why? Like I knew that you knew more than what you were telling me. And you were like, I don't want to tell you because I do suffer from a lot of anxiety and I do get weird, you know. I start feeling weird about certain things. He goes, if I tell you, I don't want it to weird you out. And I'm like, uh, well, you're gonna have to tell me, you know, and he was like, uh, and he's like, well, he was like, you know, God told me that if we don't move, if I don't move you from here, he's like, that you're gonna die. And I'm like, what? And he was like, and it's kind of funny because when you said it, it was kind of like I had this confirmation in me that I my spirit knew what you meant. And I I did not like that. I fought against that because I'm like, nope, I don't want this to be true. Because it was like I knew what you were saying. I knew that it wasn't that I was, it was gonna be a physical thing. I knew that that this had to do with who I was, me physically, like it is, it was a physical thing though, because of how I was being pulled in so many different directions at that time, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and where God was actually taking me and the things he was gonna have me do, it made a lot of sense. And, you know, you were like, no, you know, if you're in too small of a pot is what you told me. You're in too small of a pot. And if you you're growing enough that you're too small, you're getting too big for your pot, if you don't repot it, your plant will die. And so, you know, when you told me, I was like, oh man, okay. There was this resolve in my spirit, but everything else, everything else was like, absolutely not. You know, I think as our life has transpired since then, I'm always having these moments with God where God is like, hey, hey, uh, yeah, uh, so this is gonna happen. And I'm all like, no, it's not. Like I I always have this really visceral angry reaction to things when God is having us move and do stuff because I'm like, what else is this? Like, what how much more is gonna be required of me? That's how I feel about it. But um so we did, we looked around, we looked at homes for sale. I mean, you know, so this was at the height of like the COVID market. So this is a Oh God, it was horrible. It was awful. There, it was a seller's market, you know, buying was a nightmare.

Sean 28:16

Um, so charging prices for stuff that nobody had any business charging. It was obscene.

Heather 28:20

It literally was obscene. I I I remember there was nothing that we were willing to pay the price for, right?

Sean 28:26

There was nothing we could afford to pay the price for.

Heather 28:29

Yeah, I mean, it was just it was like, we're not doing this, and then we're obviously just not finding anything that we wanted or that we liked. And now, of course not, because we're coming off the hills of making a home exactly the way we want it. So you go in looking at all these other cookie cutter homes that are like the way your house started, you're like, no. So we're like, okay, well, maybe we don't need to buy, let's look for rent. And we looked all over for different things, and it was, you know, we found a couple of things and it just wasn't working out. We didn't, you know, the whatever situation wasn't working with that. So I'm like, okay, well, you know, what do we do? And then we did find one place, and they're like, well, bring your I'm I'll never forget it. You need to bring your best and highest offer for rent. And I'm like, for rent. That was no, I'm like that. It was insane to me to think about that. I'm like, no, the market price is the market price, right? And having worked in real estate for a long time, I was like, there's no way, there's no way we're doing that.

Sean 29:26

It was insane.

Florida Becomes The Only Door

Heather 29:27

And so started feeling I started feeling really helpless because you were like still very gung-ho, like this is gonna happen. I'm like, well, if we can't find anywhere to go, obviously we're not gonna move. And you're like, oh no, we're moving. Um, we have to find somewhere to go. And I'm like, okay, you know, and then I remember that one night, you're like, well, hey, you know, what about Florida? And I was like, Well, what about Florida? He's like, Well, maybe now is the time, right? We, you know, I had mentioned last week and over the past couple of episodes, like we've talked so much about moving to Florida as this dream life, like, oh, what would our life look like and how beautiful it is, and and how much we enjoyed it there when we were staying there. And you're like, Well, maybe now's the time. And I'm like, now is not the time. Like, I'm losing my home. I'm gonna be, you know, moving away from my family. And he's like, but now's the time. Like, we, the kids are gone, they're all on their own, you know, it's just you and I, you know, what better time? And he's like, I think we should start looking in Florida. And I'm like, uh, okay. So he's looking in Florida and I'm still looking everywhere in Georgia where we were at, right? And nothing was coming available. And he was finding all of these places. So I'm starting to look at them and I'm like, of course, there's all these places available and they're priced well. And um, you know, so we made some some calls. Um, we did a couple of virtual tours, and there was this one we had finally settled on. And they I remember it was the it was between you and and a you and I and another couple. And so we were waiting to hear back. And when they finally came back, they had said that they had gone with the other couple, and they were like, there was really no reason. It was just basically a coin toss, you know, and they won. And so we were like, okay. And then I was like, well, maybe this just means we're not supposed to move to Florida. And you're like, well, I have a couple of other places. And I was like, well, I'll call that other one tomorrow and we'll just see what happens. And so I had called or I was emailing or whatever, and the lady messaged me back and she's like, I'm gonna do a video, a video of it, and then I'll send it to you, and then y'all can just, you know, let me know. So she did a little video, sent it to us, saw some pictures. Now, this place was very different, it was much smaller. Um, we are living in a 4,000 square foot home, and this place is barely 1,100 square feet. And so, but you know, the pictures, it looks bigger, right in your mind. There's no garage, there's no basement, there's hardly any storage. But it was on the water. It was like the wall, you could reach out and touch the water from your from your back porch. And I was just like, God, the I mean, of course, they got you the view and the sunset, like it's right on the corner of Tampa Bay, and you've got the most gorgeous view you could possibly ask for.

Sean 32:23

Right and then unobscured.

Heather 32:25

We were like, well, of course, like there's no way there, there's no way we'll be able to get something like that, like on the water, or you know, because I'm sure there was tons of people in line. Um, you know, being the magic one that gets gets it for people being in line to rent was it was a hard thing. It was very competitive. Yes. Um, and you know, we we reached out and I was like, okay, let's just pick that one. Let's just pick that one. We did debate on the size because we had looked at other big homes where we could put all of our stuff.

Sean 32:55

Yeah, it required some paring down.

Heather 32:58

Yeah, it did. And so, you know, she had called me back and she was like, Yeah, it's yours if you want it. Y'all can move in like next week.

Sean 33:06

Yeah, because we had found out her husband worked at the same company I had just stopped working at when I moved to my other job.

Selling Fast And Leaving Quietly

Heather 33:13

Yes. And so there was like that weird little connection. And so they were like, Yeah, absolutely, y'all can have it. You can move in next week. Now, this is really wild because during this time our home had been up for sale. We immediately he immediately put the house up for sale. There were like minor things that we needed to fix up, and they gave us, they were like, Yo, we could do it in like a month or so, and then then we'll put the house on the market. And you literally did it all in two weeks, you know, shocked our realtor, and she was like, Okay, but when we put the house up, it sold immediately. I think it was on the house for three days, yeah, and then it sold immediately.

Sean 33:47

And we made a decision on a Sunday, right? So there was like a hundred people that came through the house. And it was just wild, right?

Heather 33:53

There's so many people in and out, but the house sold very quickly, and then we're like, we have to have somewhere to go. Because I'm like, well, maybe we can stay. And he's like, Well, we're under contract. There's no staying. We had to move. Um, and I was thinking, well, maybe there's some way we can get out of it. But no, there wasn't. But we did, we got the home on the water, and you know, I so then it was like a fire cell.

Sean 34:17

It was because then we had to like, okay, well, we're gonna have to get pretty rid of pretty much all of our furniture and all of our other things. We'll have to get a storage unit, but we're still gonna have to figure out how to fit all this in here. And on top of that, the biggest truck you could get it was gonna be a 26-foot, and we barely crammed everything even into that.

Heather 34:34

Yeah, it was okay, so that was such a strange thing for me because here I am, I'm dealing with all of the emotions of losing the home, of walking away from all the things that we've done. I'm in the process of now, mind you, I'm dealing with a lot of emotion because we did not tell any of our family.

Sean 34:57

It was happening too fast.

Heather 34:58

We it was happening very fast. We let them know that we were selling the home, but we did not tell them that we had decided to move to Florida. And that was by design. Um we really felt that if we had told everybody that everybody was gonna be very upset, which they were, um, and they wouldn't understand, which they didn't, and there would be a lot of conversation happening that was going to try to keep me there, right? All of the the bargaining, you know, the the telling me all of the good things, the bad things about moving, you know, having to be away from the family. And I knew that if I did that, that I would be listening to those voices. And I had come to this place where whether I was happy about it or not, if God is is asking me to do this, and this is what I need to be doing, and a lot of outside influences is sometimes just overwhelming and it can be too much and it can change your decision. And so I was like, I don't want to tell them until it's absolutely we have to do so. Um, you know, we told mom first, and then we told Marcus and Jen and the kids, and it was just my brother. Um, and then we told our friends, and they took it the hardest. You know, it was tough. It was tough walking away from our best friends, from my brother and his children, and my mom, like and my dad. It it we walked away from everybody. We knew nobody in Florida. It was just you and me. And while there were some things, and of course, Ana, our daughter is still in Georgia. Like it, there were so so many things that we were walking away from. I just emotionally, I felt like I was collapsing. I really did. And I thought, well, how is this supposed to help me grow when I feel like I'm emotionally falling apart? Um, you know, and I had those things like we had I have moved so much in my life, and finally feeling like I had some stability, had a place, had a home. And this is like the last place. Like, I'm gonna get all emotional again, as I usually do. Um, but Austin had left, right? This is the last home that he lived in. And it was hard because like he had gone out, now he's living his own life, and I'm like, I don't even have those, like, those little memories and pieces of him at home anymore. So when we moved, it was like all of that was just gone. And it was very difficult. And on top of that, it was like it was literally like just we opened our doors and just like let people in and they just like bought our life. It was such a weird thing. Like we gave things away that we couldn't sell, like, and like people came in, they bought our couches, they bought all of our appliances, like everything. Though we had, like, it's funny because though we had a 26-foot truck, most of it was like our bed and all of our belong, like our personal effects, right? Like on all of my Christmas stuff, which Lord knows took up half of it. I had I crochet, so I had like gallons. I had like four 50 gallon bins of yarn, you know. So we had a lot of stuff, and the stuff that I was just like, I'm not willing to part with. I was trying to part with like, you know, couches, things that didn't really matter that much. And but it was hard. It just kind of saw my whole life being stripped away. And I did not know how to handle that. And it was tough. And it was just quick. It happened, and to me, it just happened so fast, you didn't have time to think about it, which uh again is is was by design. I know now that that's the way God had it because of the way it was, like it had to be that way. And you know, Ana was very excited for us, like she knew how much we love Florida, so she was like, This is gonna be so great. She's trying to hype it all up. And I was having a really tough time. And you know, but we did, we left. You know, it was April 8th, we had moved. I mean, you think I you had just told me in the middle of February, and by April 8th, the house is sold, every all of our belongings are half gone, and we're in a caravan all the way to Florida. And we get there.

Sean 39:05

My Ana showed up for that one.

Heather 39:07

She she helped, she helped like to drive one of the cars down and help us move. And it was just really crazy that to talk about a wild time. I mean, I I say that a lot in my stories, but uh there's so many wild times in my story. It still to this day to kind of blows me away. But we had finally left. I remember like the day we left, like nobody came, nobody came out and said goodbye. Nobody it was it was a tough, it was tough for me. Like nobody saw us off, like it was it was tough.

Sean 39:42

And yeah, just roll down the door, get in the truck, and leave.

Heather 39:46

Yeah, and we did.

Sean 39:47

It was very uneventful.

Arrival Shock In A Smaller Space

Heather 39:48

It was. Um, but then we got there and that all changed. So you think in your mind that you know what 1100 square feet is, right? You think you know, and then you get there and you walk in, and you the our first reaction was like, Where are we going to put anything?

Sean 40:09

Well, when somebody shoots the long view of an apartment or a condo or whatever classification you call it or whatever, it looks bigger than it is. Then we unload this 26-foot U-Haul and literally in the bins because we put everything in the 50-gallon bins so they had rolly wheels on it, and it is easier to move all of our stuff except for big things that didn't fit in there. And the 50-gallon bins alone filled up the entire living room. And then we had to put the furniture in the bedrooms because there was nowhere left for anything.

Andrew Calls And We Make Room

Heather 40:44

It was, it was, right? So that there was a lot going on. Um, I want to try to like make sure that I I hit all the the special points because also like right before we had left, we had gotten a phone call. Now, this is a huge deal because I know that I have talked a lot about Andrew and about how he didn't come to live with us and and how now he's graduated, he's in college, he's going to school um at Texas State to be a physicist. Um, he's my smart kid, don't know where all that came from. Like he's incredibly intelligent. Um, and that's his dream. His dream is to be a physicist. But after his first year of college is completing at this point, he had called right. We had already signed the lease on the new place, and he had called and said, you know, I want to come live with you guys. He had been struggling um at home with his dad. He had been struggling in school. There had been a lot of things that in his life at home that was not conducive to him going to school. There was a lot of things batting against him um at home with his father.

Sean 41:47

And we had already signed for the other place.

Heather 41:49

Right, and we had already signed for the other place. So we were like, Well, yes, absolutely you can come. But then we're like, oh crap.

Sean 41:57

There's no office anymore.

Heather 41:59

Because like we had bought got this little bitty space, and like that one room would be the office because you work remote. And I'm like, now if Andrew comes, he's gonna have to live in there. We've already signed the lease. And I'm like, oh, wow, like, okay.

Sean 42:12

And that was one third of the space of the house that was gone.

Heather 42:15

It was wild. I was like, oh my goodness, what are we gonna do? But like we're just gonna make it work because I'm like, there is no way in hell I was telling Andrew no, right? I'm like, now is my time. I'm like, it has happened, it is arriving here. Like, I'm going to get him, I'm going to have him in my home. And I was so excited.

Sean 42:33

Well, it was important because when we talked to him, like he basically called us, and there was no like asking. It was like, this is what I want to do, right? And you can't tell your kids when your kids have a plan because that's what a parent waits for, is for the child to grow into an adult, and then adult actually has a plan. And he had a plan. So he was calling to kind of like inform us. But you know, it was important to me that before we said yes to this was that he wasn't running from the situation that he was in. Because, you know, I the last thing I want is for him to just like go from one place to another and be unhappy there because all he was doing was running from the problems. Because no matter where you go, there you are.

Heather 43:13

Well, it was a big deal because he was leaving school. Yes, right.

Sean 43:16

And that's really weird for him. It is always dressed by since he's little bitty.

Heather 43:21

Yeah, and and going to going to school was his dream. So it walking away from that was a was a big decision.

Sean 43:28

It was massive.

Heather 43:29

It was.

Sean 43:30

So, like, where are you sure? You know, and he was like, Yes, dad, this is what I want to do. So we're like, okay, we will make space for it. We will find a way, right?

Heather 43:39

Like, I'll we will figure it out.

Sean 43:41

Yeah, and we did. And we did. Um, you know, we led the charge by getting there first, settling, and having to deal with some other stuff before.

Heather 43:48

Yeah, because he wasn't coming until like May. Um, he was waiting till actual school was out. He was going to complete his entire first year. So we get there, right? Now we're preparing for him. So how we kind of set the house. Up. It's day one, right? We just get there.

Sean 44:02

Night one when we get there.

First Night Ends At The ER

Heather 44:04

Well, it's yeah, because it's probably like five, six o'clock because it's a it was a long drive from Georgia in the truck. We get there. Ana has helped us. She's actually gonna get on a flight to go home because she has work the next day. She was so graciously helped drive one of our vehicles because it was two cars and a truck. And um, you know, I had our dog Ginger and I had our cat Yuki. So Yuki, our cat. Um, I don't I don't talk about him a whole lot, but um, he had come into our lives just that recently that October. So he's like just barely a few months old. And so we got the cat and the dog, and I'm trying to maneuver them in the house into a new space, which was enough in itself, and then getting into this tiny space with all of our stuff. And we get I take Ana to the airport and I come back. So we've literally only been here about three hours. And when I come back, you're trying to move stuff in, and the dog is really freaking out. She's doesn't know what's going on, she's barking a lot. Um, and I'm anxious because like this is a new space. I don't want to like disrupt all the neighbors, and um, I don't know what's going on. And I remember I had leaned down to like pick her up and she bit me. And that is that's the first time she's ever bit anybody. So I was like, what is going on? And we knew Ginger had been sick for a while. We we've known for about um, I don't know, probably a few months that she had had cancer. Um, and she was sick, but she was fine, she was acting fine. And so something she was just really struggling, I guess, was the stress of it. And I remember when I went to go put her down, um, she fell. She like jumped out of my arms and fell on the floor. And I was like, oh my God. And she, when she got up to like walk, she stumbled and she could not walk anymore. And I was like, oh my God, I I've done something to the dog. And that's the way I felt. And like she started acting very weird. And I remember coming running out and getting you and going, oh no, oh my something's wrong with her, something's wrong with her. And you came back in and you were like, oh my God, what do we do? So we like I'm looking up like emergency hospitals. It's the weekend, there's no it's nighttime. And um, so we ended up having to like shut the truck down, shut this apartment up. We've been here for barely three hours, and we're running to an emergency uh animal hospital. And we get in there, and they're doing all the tests and everything on her, and we spend the entire night there. I think it was we didn't end up leaving until probably seven o'clock in the morning to come home. But we had been there with her all night, and it was just after a few hours that they had let us know that that there was nothing they could do. Right. That um that, you know, we we had a decision uh we had a decision to make whether we were going to euthanize her or take her home and let her pass at home because she wasn't gonna make it through the night. And talk about shock and devastation. We just got here we have not even been here a full 24 hours, and now we're having to put her down. And I mean, that was so hard, and you took it so hard, like I wasn't even expecting you to really feel the way you did, but it was so difficult.

Sean 47:36

I don't think I was either.

Grief Doubt And Finding Meaning

Heather 47:38

Yeah, I mean, like, and I at that point I think both of us were starting to question like, what have we done? Like, why are we here? Like, we've given up our entire home, we've given up almost all of our belongings, and now our freaking dog died. Like, ginger has been with us for 16 years, like with me. Even before you and I were together, she was my mom's dog, and I've been, you know, with ginger since my mom got her. We went and picked her up from the uh the place where she got her from together. I mean, she was I mean, she was so itty bitty, and she has been a huge part of mine and the kids' life the whole time. And you know, with my mom who's lived with me throughout the years, and ginger's always been there, she's always been with us. She was just like as another part of the family. And then when you came in, you know, you were like her boyfriend. She just fell in love with you. Like she was like everybody else out, like he's mine. And you were her person when you came into the picture. And I remember my she had been still living with my mom for a long time, but in like 2015, mom had come and visit for Thanksgiving, and Ginger had uh, we had ginger there. And um, when my mom went home, she was like, All right, ginger, let's go. And ginger ran and she hid and she didn't want to go. And ginger was a very social dachshane. She wanted to be where the people were, she wanted to be with the family always. And my mom had her, but my mom was working all the time, so she spent a lot of time alone. And I told mom, I said, Hey, just leave her here for a little while. I'll take care of her and she can hang out. Mom's like, okay. And I mean, and it was just from that point on, Ginger never went back. You know, mom's like, she chose y'all, right? She just picked her bags up and moved out. She was like, I'm, you know, here. So we've had ginger in our care since 2015. And and then this happens, right? And then when we're moving, you know, taking her with us, and then immediately this happening. And I get it. I know that she had been sick. I know that we got more time with her than we were expecting, and I'm so grateful for that. But for it to happen the way it happened and when it happened was so devastating. Like, could this have this in my mind, it just could not have gone any worse. And you know, we spent our entire first like two weeks in Florida together grieving just everything. We grieving ginger, grieving the loss of the home, grieving our decisions to move here, questioning God, like you know, you know, maybe he didn't really tell me this, like maybe this wasn't the right thing, maybe we didn't listen, you know, and you know, that that's always the nature, right? I think of when when God is moving you to do something, you know, and you follow through and things don't always look the way that you want them to, and they don't feel the way you want them to, that you our natural response is to start questioning, are we really hearing from God at all? Right. Because there's so much, for me, I really believe there's so much misnomer around around God and what he in and what he is and what he does and what he actually asks and requires of us. And people are like, oh, well, if if the path is just open and free and it's made easy, then that's God, right? Like if it's God, then it'll just open up. But that's not always the way that it is, right? Sometimes when God asks you to move and not even just move physically, just to move in your life to do something, there are a lot of trials and obstacles that come with that, right? Because they're the forces that be don't want us doing that, right? There, there are definitely things that come against you that like we don't want you out in the world doing what you're supposed to do. We don't want you following God's will. We don't want you, you know, being free, being a free human. We don't want you living as your authentic self. It's while we struggle so much with the thoughts and the the self-talk and the negativity within ourselves. So it was a natural place for us to feel, right? And then, you know, at the night, you were definitely getting in that space. And then I'm coming back out and going, no, this is this is the way it's supposed to be.

Sean 52:09

And then Yeah, because up to that point, you pretty much punished me for having to make the decision and to move. You're like, you took us away from all of our friends, you took us away from the family, you know, and now ginger has died, and that's where I really started like I did. I felt doubt of like, did I do the wrong thing here? Like, because no husband wants to see their wife or their kids, like the consequences of a decision, good or bad, right? Like, you don't want to see them in pain, regardless of what the concern was. And you had stacked so much on me for so long about being angry about the move that I was like, Well, did I not listen?

Heather 52:45

Did I and I did, and not do it.

Sean 52:47

But then you were kind of like the strong one in this stuff, and you were like, No, it was the right decision in the height of all of this stuff of you still being upset, and that's where things really I think for me looked like they started changing was like, okay, now we're on the same page with this, right? We're moving closer toward us both believing that this was right, but that there were things that were necessary in our life that we didn't understand at the time because of what was coming. Before it was coming next, like, but what you can't see that like hindsight's 2020, but when you're living it, it feels very different.

Heather 53:22

Yeah, it does. It does feel very different.