How Self-Awareness Turns Conflict Into Connection

We share the practices that help us turn conflict into connection, from self-awareness and timeouts to honest repair. Special guest Zoe joins with newlywed questions that spark candid stories about triggers, trust, and choosing authenticity over performance.

• creating safety by showing up as your real self
• observing reactions without judgment to reduce reactivity
• using clean timeouts and always returning to repair
• challenging the story in your head during conflict
• naming triggers and patterns to disarm defensiveness
• communicating needs clearly instead of keeping score
• valuing intention over accusation in hard talks
• building maturity through practice and patience

Don’t forget to check us out on Spotify and Apple Podcasts

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:07

Welcome back to Relationsmith. I'm Jamie Smith here with my beautiful and always gorgeous wife, Stacey.

Speaker 0:15

Hi everyone. Welcome to the podcast. It's a space where we share our relationship and conversations we're having. Sometimes about hard things, sometimes about lighter ones, but always with the goal of staying connected. Thanks for being here.

Why We Share Our Spats

Speaker 2 0:29

Thank you for being here. And don't forget, you can also catch us on Apple Podcast and Spotify. Yeah. Check us out, like us, describe or follow us, and subscribe. You know, not describe. No, don't do that. Anyway, so we've been going at this for four weeks. I can't believe it, right, babe?

Speaker 3 0:48

Yeah. It's been fun.

Speaker 2 0:49

Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. We've had a lot of cool feedback. Talked to a buddy of mine today, and he was talking about just the some of the little things that he's picked up on. He's been able to apply to his uh marriage, and uh he's noticed a difference, and that to us literally said his marriage is better.

Speaker 1:06

Like that blew my mind.

Speaker 2 1:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1:09

That's all we can hope for.

Introducing Zoe And Her Perspective

Speaker 2 1:11

That's I mean, if it helps one couple, yep, or even one person, you know, yeah, that's kind of what it's all about. And with that being said, as we've been doing this, we've been kind of just having conversations about things that are happening in our life, some things that we uh share, little spats or whatever, and how we come through those things. But we also today we have a special guest. She has been listening to us also, and so we kind of wanted to, we kind of talked to her. She had some questions and we said, join us. So, yeah, I want to introduce our daughter-in-law, Zoe. Hi, hi, Zoe. How are you doing today?

Speaker 1 1:51

I'm good. How are you guys?

Speaker 2 1:53

Good, good.

Speaker 1 1:54

Doing good.

Speaker 2 1:54

So, what we want to talk about, I guess, is your questions. We asked you your honest feedback on what you thought about the podcasts. And in your own words, tell us.

Speaker 1 2:08

I honestly have been really loving it. As your guys' kid, and I'm here a lot, I do get to see these conversations and these ha things happen behind the scenes a lot, which I feel like is truly such a blessing because it gives my husband and I, y'all's son, a opportunity to be able to learn and grow so young in our marriage, which is truly just I I don't even have words to describe it. It's the best thing ever.

Speaker 2 2:39

How long have you guys been married? Two years. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 2:43

That's the best thing in the world.

Speaker 2:44

I'm so happy to hear that.

Speaker 1 2:46

Yeah.

Speaker 2:46

As a parent, that's all you you just you want to have something you can share with your kids that they can emulate in a good way. That's right.

Speaker 2 2:55

So that's right. And that's been something that you and I both talked about is having a marriage that our kids will strive to have. And and even others. Right?

Speaker 1 3:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 3:08

Yeah. So Zoe, what what are some of the things that you what are some of the questions that you had for us?

Resources For Self-Work

Speaker 1 3:14

Well, as I was listening to the podcast, I was just I was like giggling and laughing because you guys are going over some of the like disagreements or miscommunications that you have. And I truly love that you guys can take them and share them here and laugh about them because not a lot of people can do that. Right. And I think that that's a very sweet thing. But as I was also thinking about it, if a different version of me was here listening to that, I would be, well, that's all fun and cute, but how do I get there? How do I do that? So genuinely curious as to what some of the things were that you guys were doing or thinking or reading, just your resources for getting yourselves in a headspace to be ready to become your best self for someone else.

Speaker 5 4:06

Right. Right. Okay. All right.

Speaker 1 4:09

Because you guys do talk about that like me needing to work on yourself before and you mean during.

Speaker 5 4:16

Right.

Speaker 1 4:17

Right.

Speaker 5 4:18

Right, right, right.

Building Honest Self-Awareness

Speaker 4:19

Well, I'm really glad you asked that because that is something that we did want to talk about. And because it it is important, it does matter. I know I can share a little bit about just you know it's it's a lifelong work, right? I mean, starting from a young age and just growing and learning over time. I know I had a big time of growth about a little over five years ago, right before I met Jamie. And you asked about resources, and I can name I I a friend of mine recommended uh Gabrielle Bernstein. So I was looking at her stuff, reading her stuff, and that that helped me a lot. Specifically, helped me learn how to look at myself without judgment, which was a game changer for me. I had recognized that I had a lot of judgment, especially about myself, that had bled over into my other relationships. And I had I had recognized it and I knew it was something that needed to change, and but I wasn't sure how to change it. So my friend had recommended Gabrielle Bernstein to me, and that was very much what I needed at that time. And so one of the number one things I learned reading her things at that time was to just observe my reactions without judging them.

Speaker 5 5:46

Right.

Speaker 5:47

And then and get curious about them. So and then I did some other work with another coach named Xavier Dagba and or I think Dagba, sorry if I mispronounced that. But so that was part of my personal work, and he also uh worked a lot with just observing and being curious, being honest with yourself about why you're reacting to things the way that you are. And I knew like Jamie said, I wanted to be a I don't want to get into my next relationship without healing the things I needed to heal to the best of my ability because I didn't want to end up in the same relationship all over again.

Valuing Yourself After Past Hurt

Speaker 2 6:39

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. And and I agree with that. And I think it starts with what I think you were hitting on with the Gabrielle Bernstein and Xavier, is that what they were trying to do with you, that what you were looking for, I should say, is that element of self-awareness, right? You're trying to figure out, okay, and and and I think it starts with this is when you go into a relationship thinking that you're going to be the one that's always right and everyone else is wrong. I think that that you have that's a dangerous way to be, because then that's a sense of unawareness with yourself, right? This is a sense of not looking in the mirror or looking at your past, and you've constantly been bombarded. I mean, we all have scars, right? We all have things from our past that will dredge its way up into relationships or to whatever situation where it could be work, it could be any type of relationship, and and we can be triggered by a lot of these things from our past. And sometimes we can also get to a point that when we're you know dealing with things in a relationship, we we go on the defense and then we start to act like we're we're the ones being wronged, in essence, when it might just not be the situation, right? So for you, from what I hear and understand, and from what things you've told me, it was one of the things you wanted to do is kind of like learn more about yourself and be the person, be the best version of yourself for your forever.

Speaker 8:26

Right. Right. To be to be ready to be the right person, be the right person.

Speaker 5 8:34

Right.

Speaker 8:34

That was something somebody had said and stuck in my head is how do I be the right person? And I just knew that meant being willing to be really honest with myself. And that was also something that I was very intentional about in that sp time in my journey and still continue to be, just developing a practice of being very honest with myself, without judgment and of what's going on, what's really going on here.

Speaker 5 9:08

Right. Right.

Safety, Acceptance, And Authenticity

Speaker 1 9:09

I think that's important to acknowledge too, is like you have to be able to take a step back and acknowledge the root of the problem, whether it's this is what triggered me, this I'm holding on to, or this is consolidated from another, like you said the other day, I'm holding on to this from the other day, and that's why I'm upset and feeling guilty. And that's important to be able to take a step back and acknowledge that because you can't remove yourself from the situation if you don't at least acknowledge that there's a root and you don't acknowledge that there was a problem.

Speaker 2 9:41

Right, right. Because then when you start, you'll start seeing a pattern, right? Yes, all of a sudden it's like, why is this person treating me like this person did and then this person? What is this going on? Why are why is everybody against me? Well, maybe maybe because it's not those people.

Speaker 1 10:00

Yeah, wherever you go, there you are.

Speaker 2 10:02

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 10:03

Common denominators are there for a reason. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 10:06

I mean, if it looks like a duck, it might be a squirrel.

Speaker 1 10:08

No, right?

Speaker 2 10:09

So Yeah, absolutely. And what else happened?

Speaker 10:14

Well, and something that just came to mind while y'all were talking was that those it wasn't all we weren't always recognizing things in the moment.

Speaker 2 10:26

No.

Speaker 10:26

That took practice.

Speaker 2 10:27

Ooh, it did.

Speaker 10:28

Yeah, I mean that yeah, that got that's a muscle that gets developed over time. I mean, it's at first was there's a there's a conflict.

Speaker 3 10:39

Right.

Timeouts And Returning To Repair

Speaker 10:40

And then walking away from the conflict and trying to and then taking the time to say, okay, why did that make me so mad? And getting like I said, being curious, being honest, not judging it, validating it, that was part of it too, is self-validation of okay, I get that. Of course that made you mad. It reminded you of something in your past, or you ha have an insecurity about that.

Speaker 3 11:16

Right.

Speaker 11:16

And then and then you can get start to recognize your own patterns. And that's when it starts over time and with practice, you can start to notice it in the moment.

Speaker 2 11:27

Right. Right. Absolutely. Absolutely. I think for me, did you have anything else on on how you grew in the time?

Speaker 11:36

Uh no, I mean, it might I might think of something as you're talking about.

Speaker 2 11:40

All right, cool. So for me, one of the things I needed to do was discover my true value. You know, and and I think that's what we did for so many years, I even as a kid sometimes, I there were times when I was I just didn't have a lot of self-worth. I mean, my mom tried to steal it in me. She said I was the greatest kid, the most good handsomest boy in the face of the world. And you know, you know, she always poured so much encouragement into me to the point where it was like, yeah.

Speaker 12:16

Kind of white, kind of white noise. Yeah. I love your mom though. She is a person.

Speaker 2 12:21

She's awesome. But you know, and you know, you just but then you get the the people and the and the bullies and all these different things that go on in life. And then, and then, you know, your first girlfriend, and then she dumps you because you're too good to be true.

Speaker 12:35

And then Ooh, I have something to say about that sometimes.

Fighting The Story In Your Head

Triggers, Patterns, And Maturity

Speaker 2 12:39

Yeah, we'll save that for another podcast. So, but you know, there's so much of this I had to figure out, you know, and then I just came out, came out, came out, I just came out of a 24-year-old marriage and a failed marriage, and I had to figure out for myself, what is my value? Who am I? And and how can I, because my goal in life was always to be married. I wanted, I wanted to have that, you know, forever marriage. And how could I how could I make my how could I fix myself and and find true value in who I am? And so, you know, and it and it wasn't, and and then we talked about in previous podcasts that you know, if it wasn't for Stacy, you know, and this and that, but I mean, honestly, if it was it wasn't Stacy that changed me, right and how I operate and how I operate differently in my life. It was it it happened before, even before my divorce, I started developing this. And it was that it was the fact that she provided the space and the acceptance to be able to be my truest self. Right, you know, and and I think that was to me very important. I mean, I remember I had this whole perception that I had to prove myself all the time, right? I had to, I had to prove, you know, and and if I wasn't doing this, then I'm not a good person. Or if I'm not doing this, I'm not a good person. Or I'm I'm you know, I'm not I'm not, yeah, I'm just not a good person. If I'm indulging in this or talking about this or watching this or whatever, I'm not a good person. And you know, I started trying to adjust my mindset to that, and then I just realized I'm not being me. Trying to fit into this box or this world that doesn't accept me for who I am. And I did some tests with myself. I had got a new job and I was at this job, and I was just being myself. I wasn't unapologetic, I was just Jamie. Yeah, I wasn't Pastor Jamie, I wasn't good old Christian boy Jamie. I wasn't go to church every Sunday, you know, morning and and do these things, Jamie. I wasn't like, I wasn't like that Jamie. I was just Jamie.

unknown 15:19

Yeah.

Speaker 2 15:19

And what I noticed through those things as I had coworkers and coming up to me and saying, Oh yeah, the game was great. You know, I was like, Yeah, yeah. Oh, by the way, man, hey, I got some things going on at home, and I was wondering if you could, you know, pray about it in your personal time. And hey man, I I got things going on and I I don't know how to deal with it. And I'd be like, Well, I mean, you know, and and it was weird because people started treating me as if I was, you know, from my past, but I wasn't trying to fit into some kind of box. Right. It was like this is the natural me. This is who I am. And it was it was very validating.

Speaker 16:01

I'm so glad you brought that up too, because I've been thinking about that from our prior episodes of how I feel like you give me uh so much credit. And it's really that you the way I see it is you decided you weren't gonna pretend anymore. You decided I'm valuable the way that I am, and I'm gonna show up as me.

Speaker 5 16:24

Right.

Speaker 16:25

And so yeah, so it wasn't me. I just I just loved that.

Speaker 1 16:29

I think to your credit, you you carry a light and a safety that I feel like a lot of us didn't experience where I like I come over here and I know I don't have to be anybody else.

Speaker 5 16:50

Yeah.

Communicating Needs Without Defense

Speaker 1 16:50

I don't have to be able to do that. Judge in every zone. Yeah, I don't have to worry about putting on a facade when we have dinner or when we're just chilling out, and I genuinely feel very safe in your home and around you, and that's always been the case.

Speaker 2 17:08

Yeah.

Speaker 1 17:09

Thank you.

Speaker 2 17:10

Yeah, so glad.

Speaker 1 17:11

I'm so glad. Yeah.

Speaker 17:13

Life goal, honestly.

Speaker 2 17:14

Yeah, same.

Speaker 17:15

You can check that off the list.

Speaker 2 17:17

So, do you have any other questions? Yes, I wrote that down. Yeah. Oh boy, here we go.

Speaker 1 17:24

Okay. Trying to read the ones that we were.

Speaker 17:26

And while you're looking at it, um, it wasn't always that way though, in my in my home, at least. And so I I hate that, but also that's that's part of the growth process.

Speaker 5 17:38

Right.

Speaker 17:39

So just to anybody out there who's listening, if you're not there yet, just be patient and be compassionate with yourself, be patient with yourself, and just stay committed to the journey.

Speaker 2 17:53

Right. And another thing, and you kind of just made something go off in my head, you know, I mean, we had to learn that about each other. It wasn't always rainbows, sunshine, and butterflies when we first met.

Speaker 18:05

I mean it was most of the time.

Speaker 2 18:06

Most of the time it was. But not always. Not always most of the time. But in but in those moments when it wasn't, I find that even if I was or if I felt like I was right in the situation, and it and it and we had to grow, right? There were the you know, in the beginning, some of our arguments were we just had to have a time out and then come back to it. But we had to make sure that we came back, right? And that's key. It is coming back and civilly without emotion, and I don't mean totally free of emotion, but without the emotion that drives us to the point where I think she's against me or I'm against her. But coming back and having that honest conversation.

Speaker 3 18:59

Yep.

Speaker 2 18:59

And again, remember this. Regardless if I felt like I was right, there is no right, there is no wrong. It's us working through it.

Speaker 3 19:10

Right.

Speaker 2 19:10

Right? It's not like I got the upper hand. Oh, I know I'm right, but I'll just go ahead and let her feel like she's right. No, there's there is not that. This is not a competition.

Speaker 19:20

Yeah, we're on the same team. You were actually the one who was so good about reminding me of that.

Speaker 2 19:26

Yeah.

Speaker 19:27

And definitely such a helpful thing that you brought to the relationship.

Wrap Up And Thanks

Speaker 2 19:33

Yeah, because I gotta remember, I mean, you're my biggest fan, and I love it, and you're my greatest encourager. And so if you have a beef with me about something, I might have done something. Or I might have uh or you might have been triggered by something I did. And so it's not about me going, Oh, I'm sorry. You know, or whatever. It's about let's identify what that is.

Speaker 3 20:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:04

Let's figure that out. Because if I said or did or reacted in a way that made you feel unloved or, you know, less of a person, then we need to identify that and see where the intention was and then how we came out of it.

Speaker 1 20:25

So I think my question from there would be that I just in my very little adult life experience, I will say, they're going back to the root of the problems when you guys are in the heat of the moment. I know a lot of people are, like I said earlier, not able to take themselves out of the situation and say, hey, this isn't about me. Right. So what other methods of communication, because communication is so important, were you guys able to have with each other that made you say, actually, I I'm so sorry, I do need a timeout? Or can we talk about that a little bit more? I'm not trying to offend you, but I would like to understand.

Speaker 5 21:11

Go ahead.

Speaker 2 21:14

Well I mean There's one thing that comes one little spat that we had that comes to mind, and I don't know if we want to talk about it on this podcast, because it was probably the biggest spat that we had in our relationship. I don't know that we have time to unpack all that.

Speaker 21:36

I guess I'm say the question again. I got distracted, I guess.

Speaker 3 21:44

That's okay.

Speaker 1 21:45

What methods of communication do you guys feel like were most helpful to you in being able to resolve your conflicts would be the core of my question, I feel like.

Speaker 2 21:55

Well, I think it's stop, drop, and roll, right? I mean, not not I mean outfire right now. When she's she's firing off, I stop, I drop, and I roll around the question and I haul, but no. No. No, reflecting. I mean, sure, if you want to get in this little if you if there's an argument and let's say she she got she reacted in a way, right? And I I reacted back because I felt like I had to bow up to it. Well, I think one of the things is okay, that's fine. Bow up to the qu you know, the the conflict, right? And all of a sudden you have this like I remember this one time we were arguing, and she said something, and I got offended by it, and I said something back, and she got offended by what I reacted by, and she came back, and it just I it just kept growing, right? And then finally, I I think it was you. I think you backed up and you were like, What are we doing? What what's really going on? What and then I think we argued for probably about a half hour and then try to figure out what in the world we were arguing about. And and it kind of just it kind of made us laugh after that. But then we figured out what it was, got to the root of it, and we kind of disabled it. I think I remember it. We were on the couch and it was like we were ex-relatives and all kinds of things were going crazy.

Speaker 23:28

Um I think on I think that it does I mean, there's no way around that there's it's gonna take some time and a little bit of experience and some maturity, right? Oh yeah. To where you just n you can see that the conversation is going nowhere. And so the only thing to do is take a break and walk away. And but I think what's important is in that moment or in those that that space that you're taking between the argument and the resolution, that you remember that you love each other. Yes, and you have each other's best interests at heart.

Speaker 2 24:25

Right.

Speaker 24:26

And that there you're not enemy, you're not the enemy.

Speaker 5 24:30

No.

Speaker 24:31

And so and that's definitely like that's a battle in your mind, right? I mean, and I I say this, I share this a lot with people. I have to stand up to the voice in my head.

Speaker 5 24:44

Yeah.

Speaker 24:46

For JB sometimes. You know, the voice will come and say, Well, he did this or he didn't do this, or he should have done this, or and I literally have to say what voices are saying that I literally have to say that. Someone that wants to fight. Yeah, yeah. Hold on a minute. That's not true. He loves me, he's on my side, he does. I mean, he's a good man and a great husband, and this is not that is not who he is. So just stop that right there.

Speaker 2 25:26

Right. Right.

Speaker 25:27

And and you have to do the same thing, I'm sure.

Speaker 2 25:30

Oh, 100%. No, not 100%. It's not like it happens all the time at all. I even tell you sometimes I'm like, I'll be at work and I'll just happen to see your picture.

Speaker 25:39

I'm like, oh but but there are times. But there are times where the voice in your head is trying to make me out to be the bad guy, and you have to say, uh-uh, that's not who she is.

Speaker 2 25:52

Exactly. Exactly. And I think to your point, Zoe, or to your question, is that you know, is is taking a beat. You know? Because I think it's hard sometimes when we're in the middle of an argument, or and I think the biggest thing is is to be an offended, and are what are we really offended about? Do you really think, and and you know, do you really think in your heart of hearts you think Tristan is out to offend you? No, right exactly. Never so but will he offend you sometimes? Absolutely, absolutely, but in his heart of hearts, and his truest nature, and in the love he has for you, you do not feel for one moment that he means to offend you. No, exactly, and so I think that's where we have to start. We have to look at our lives like this person who I said I do to, who I have put all the time and effort, who I decided to hand my heart over to, to be vulnerable to, to help this person create a safe space along with her or him creating that safe space for me. I gotta know that their intentions are pure and good for me, and vice versa.

Speaker 4 27:22

I love that.

Speaker 2 27:23

Yeah. Yeah. Anything else to add to that? Any other questions?

Speaker 27:31

No, I was just trying to think. I mean, just yeah, taking a pause, taking a break, and then the rest of it is just overtime practice overtime of just like we keep talking about knowing each other's triggers and knowing that, you know, like Jamie knows I have an insecurity about money. So when we're talking about money, he has to remember don't take it personally. Right. And I'm getting a lot better about that.

Speaker 2 27:59

100%.

Speaker 28:02

Jamie has an insecurity about me trusting him to do things around the house.

Speaker 2 28:09

The dining room comes to mind.

Speaker 28:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2 28:13

It's just awesome because now I'm in this space where even my kids are calling me, hey, what do I do about this? And I'm like, I'll be there in a second.

Speaker 1 28:21

Hey, the vent fell out of my ceiling.

Speaker 28:23

I need help. He loves doing that too.

Speaker 2 28:26

I do, I do. Hey, can you help us move? What time you need me there? Literally.

Speaker 28:31

I don't drops everything.

Speaker 2 28:32

Yeah. Even whatever we got planned. But the the but that's the thing, right? Is that we yeah, we have you know, and I just keep coming to this, you said this earlier, maturity. It's not about it's got a little bit to do with this, but it's not about the maturity of psychosis when you grow up and your brain starts developing the sense of maturity. No, it's you know, there's there's a little bit of that, but I think experience. Yeah, and not just the experience you're going through, but experiences that other people have gone through, right? And not thinking you're too good not not to be able to apply this to your life. Maturity and being that I can't be, you know, I choose to be in this relationship, I cannot be a child in the sense of of fairness. It's it's not fair. It's not fair, you know, and and right. Okay, we all feel like there's a sense of like, I feel like this is what I need in my life.

Speaker 29:43

But at the same time, that's a way different thing than saying it's not fair. Like what you just said is a way different thing.

Speaker 2 29:51

Yeah.

Speaker 29:52

Yeah. I mean, that's that's saying that's communicating a need.

Speaker 2 29:56

Right. Oh, yes. And that's the other thing I was gonna get to that you brought up is the fact that you can't be afraid to share. To communicate communicate is doesn't just mean, hey, I went and got gas in the car. Okay, thank you. You know, it's not it's not like what do we have for dinner? Oh part chops, you know, or you know, what's on the tube? All right, you know, I'm sorry, I I live in Tennessee, so in my head is all the all the markets that you just offended. I mean, I grew up in Plant City, Florida, so I mean sometimes he sounds like that when he gets on a good one.

Speaker 1 30:39

Wow. It's okay. I love you.

Speaker 2 30:41

Yeah, okay. No, but I mean, and seriously, and not basic communication that you would have with somebody, a telemarketer that calls you, right? Right, it's communication where you chose, and back to what I was saying earlier, you chose to have this trust in this person and and and be vulnerable with this person, which also means you talk about the things you wouldn't talk about with anyone else.

Speaker 1 31:10

The hard things, right?

Speaker 2 31:11

And you know, babe, I woke up this morning and whatever, you know. You you you love waking up and telling me about your dreams, you know, and I don't mind listening to them. I love it. You know, you there's some crazy ones, and then there's some like you did what? You know, and I probably wouldn't repeat that to anybody. No, I'm just kidding.

unknown 31:33

Wow.

Speaker 2 31:34

No, but it's it's just it's communicating some of your deepest thoughts. It doesn't matter if they're right or wrong. I mean, I remember when I told her I said one of my favorite shows was Dexter. And what was it that you said? Oh, you were like, hmm, I don't know. Okay, that's kind of weird. No, it wasn't about Oh, it wasn't Dexter.

Speaker 31:59

It was about Dexter, it was a particular series of movies. Yeah, we were talking about different movies, and I just we don't have to say it. Yeah, I'm gonna say it. This is hilarious. I'm gonna ask you after now.

Speaker 2 32:09

No, no, no, I'm gonna say it. So we were talking about horror movies, and I was like, Oh yeah, one of my favorite ones in the beginning was Saw. And she goes, What did you say?

Speaker 32:19

I said, I'm rethinking this relationship right now.

Speaker 2 32:23

She's the people that really watch that. Anyway, yeah, anyway. That was that was yes, yeah.

Speaker 32:28

I'm questioning this relationship right now. That was very early.

Speaker 2 32:31

It was very early, but but but yeah, and that's the thing. But ultimately, obviously, we stayed together, and she didn't question it too too far. And but that's the you know, what is it? What is what are some of the weirdest things? I mean, say it. I mean, it might be kind of weird for her to hear or for him to hear, but I mean, there's nothing between you, right? That's the thing. Once you start, once you stuff a dark secret, whether how big or small, once you stuff those secrets, they stay in there, and then those are what's used as a trigger or as a as a a blow up.

Speaker 3 33:11

How are we doing on time?

Speaker 2 33:13

We're doing good. We probably should wrap it up. We could do a part two later on, see what happens. Zoe, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate you being here.

Speaker 1 33:24

Thanks for having me.

Speaker 2 33:25

Yeah, absolutely. Tell Tristan next time we're gonna have to have him on.

Speaker 1 33:29

You'd have to have questions for that.

unknown 33:31

Yeah.

Speaker 2 33:33

Awesome, awesome. Well, thanks for spending time with us again today. And if there's something from this conversation that resonated with you, we are so glad. We'll be back soon with another conversation. Until then, take care, and thanks to all for listening to Relationsmith. Don't forget to check us out on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 33:55

Bye, everyone.

Speaker 2 33:56

Bye.