Stop Absorbing Everyone’s Energy: How to Protect Your Peace & Stay in Your Power

Stop Absorbing Everyone’s Energy: How to Protect Your Peace & Stay in Your Power 

Some days feel messy, overwhelming, and completely unstructured—and this is one of those real, raw conversations. In this episode of Star Women Rising, Melinda opens up about the emotional chaos of everyday life, the pressure to hold everything together, and the powerful shift that happens when you stop making other people’s energy your responsibility. 

From family dynamics to old patterns of peacekeeping, this episode dives deep into what it really looks like to protect your energy, set boundaries, and stop shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, misunderstood, or pulled into emotional cycles that don’t belong to you—this conversation will hit home. 

This isn’t about perfection or having it all figured out. It’s about awareness, growth, and choosing a new way to respond when life tests you. 

✨ In this episode, we explore: 

•  Why we absorb other people’s emotions (and how to stop) 
•  The hidden cost of being the “peacekeeper” 
•  How to recognize patterns that keep repeating in your life 
•  The power of choosing your response instead of reacting 
•  What it really means to protect your energy unapologetically 

If you’re on a journey of self-discovery, spiritual growth, and stepping into your power—this episode is your reminder: you don’t have to carry what isn’t yours.
 
Because sometimes growth isn’t loud… it’s choosing not to engage.
 

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💫 Because when women rise together, we change the world.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Star Women Rising, where cosmic roots meet earthly power. I'm Melinda and together we'll awaken the fire within and above, exploring intuition, soul wisdom, and the ancient truths written in the stars. This isn't about escaping the world. It's about remembering who you are and rising stronger in it. Star Women Rising is part of the Chicology Podcast Collective, Real Women, Real Stories, Rising Together. Let's begin. Quick reminder, everyone. Hello, hello. Please check out the other women from Chicology. Real women, real stories. Real powerful. Okay, I'm gonna jump right in. I ain't even gonna lie. Today is one of those days that is feels like a shit show. And I I have those often. But you know, I wanted to jump on here and podcast, but I was like, I don't have anything to talk about. But at the same time, I have a lot to talk about, but I can't form it. I can't seem to pull it together. And then on top of that, I've got you know, my mother's texting me. She needs to go someplace, she needs some assistance. I've got my son calling me wanting to know this, that, or the other. Got a grandbaby on the way to visit, which I'm super excited about. And so I'm trying to do some cleaning, I'm trying to get some laundry done, I'm trying to get a podcast done. And I guess it would have been maybe easy to just say, yeah, no, I'm not gonna do it. But I'm thinking about the time aspect of it. It's like, okay, well, my granddaughter gets here. I'm gonna wanna hang out and spend time. Tomorrow we've got this going on, the day after we have this going on, and it's it's just it's kind of making me a little cranky and edgy, but I thought, you know, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna jump on and do it. And because this is real. This is real, this is raw. I think this happens to everybody at some point. It happens to me a lot, right? I feel like there is a something out there that constantly interferes with whatever I'm trying to do, but it's probably nothing out there. It's probably me. I'm probably drawing in these interferences constantly. It it's not happening as much as it used to, but it still happens. And it it makes me, it makes me a little edgy. So I challenge myself today to just do it unscripted, jump on here and move forward. And it's it's incredibly challenging. I'm one of those Virgos. I I think I overthink everything and it it has to be just so, and it really never is. You know, I'm I'm looking for outlines, I'm from, you know, tapping into every resource I have, trying to figure out, okay, what am I gonna, what am I gonna talk about today? And I've had these different, these different thoughts that, you know, I kind of want to talk about this idea of the matrix. And I kind of want to talk about this this journey of, you know, these roles, of, you know, having roles that are placed on you, you agree to, that you put on yourself. So all these things are are swimming around in my mind, and I can't quite tap into any of them enough to put something together. So if if this sounds a little discombobulated and a little disjointed, it it is, but I'm gonna just roll with it because it's not always neatly packaged and it's not always perfect, and it's not always there, and it doesn't always land. And that's okay. That's the reality. That is okay. I think what what is pulling at me more if I if I sit quietly and I think about what I really want to touch on today, I'm in I think I've mentioned before, I'm sort of in this very strange place of being completely on the outside. And it's not even that doesn't even quite cover it. It's almost it's not like it's the outside because I'm I'm I'm in it, but I feel like I'm just by myself. And it's it's hard to it's hard to describe, but I'm sure people understand. You know, on this journey, I think I committed a long time ago to push forward in my journey, and I'm constantly learning, and as I learn more things, I have to pivot. And all the while I think the the people closest to me are looking at me like she's crazy. Like, what what is she doing now? And and in reality, bless their hearts. I think they are keeping up. They, you know, they come along, but it's usually there's a lot of resistance and there's a lot of growing pains and in my constant pivoting. So I I understand, I understand how perplexing it must be, but the flip side is I have to keep I have to keep moving. And and this in doing that, I I get taken to some very interesting places. Um and and I mean metaphorical places, like my the journey, thought different thought processes, different ways of of living that sometimes are completely different from where I was, you know, five, ten years ago. So I I understand this, the difficulty with this, but and then there's this I I am watching the resistance of those around me. And and literally my circle has been whittled down to my immediate family, and not even all of those, like several people in my immediate family. So I I I'm kind of in this this place right now where I am not, you know, people aren't really jiving so well with me for whatever reason. Good example. I had a a situation last night. We we all got together for some pizza with my parents who I've we moved them out with us. They have their own space, and periodically we get together and have dinner or whatever. And and I think my parents really enjoy it. Really, I can see for them, it's probably adding some years to their lifespans. They're um they're absolutely enjoying the family connection. It's really important. I don't, I can't stick around too long. The energy gets to be too much for me. This is not a judgment. This is a this is a me thing. When I start feeling kind of edgy or I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the activity or what's being said or what's not being said, I politely excuse myself and retreat to a space where I can recalibrate and feel comfortable, feel good. And it's not personal. This is this is the tricky part. It's not it's not personal. I think people take it personally. And the reality is, is that's not my problem. Like I said, this is such an interesting space to be in, but it it's not my problem. And then, you know, shortly after that, I was met with some energy that just felt very hostile, very uh, you know, just some some energy that I'm it's not new to me, but I'm witnessing it in a different way. You know, there's there's some stomping around and some door slamming. And in my mind, I'm thinking, well, what's that all about? What it what did I do or what did I not do that created this really hostile dissonance, you know, like, and it it just seemingly came out of the blue. And I caught myself thinking about, you know, what did I do? What, you know, what did I do to cause this? Why is this happening? Did I not do something? Did I miss something? And I I had to stop myself. Nope, no, this isn't about you. This is not about you. So I sat with that and I could feel the uh the absorbing, the absorbing emotion or ex, you know, maybe some of you are are these people, but yeah, as a child, I always absorbed everything. I just wanted everybody to be happy, tried to uh, you know, take it in and and be peaceful, maybe even transmute this really dense energy on some level, like it was my responsibility to take this on and then make it right. So it was kind of brought to my attention that I'm still sort of, you know, my mind still wants to do that. What did I do wrong to bring this upon myself? I didn't do anything. I was minding my own damn business. You know, I I came home, sat down, kind of brought, you know, cleared my head and and and embraced sort of, you know, clearing my energy a little bit, and then was met with some really super um hostile stuff. And I say hostile, you know, just it felt hostile. It wasn't like violent or anything like that, but I I was acutely aware of this energy and I wanted to make it mine and I wanted to make it about me. And I thought, well, maybe I should say, is something wrong? Did something happen? And I said, no, I'm not gonna do that. I am not going to make myself small to clear the air. I'm not going to involve myself. So I didn't. I stayed quiet, went on with my business, which was really nothing, you know, just hanging out. It was it was a little challenging, but I had an opportunity to sort of recognize this old patterning of the peacekeeper. And I think I've mentioned before I gave up peacekeeping for Lent years ago, but I think there's still some residual aspects to that. And then I really made a conscious effort to protect my space, to, you know, this is not about me. This is, you know, this is somebody else's issue. I don't know what's going on, but it's none of my business. I didn't do anything. I'm not going to try to clean this up. I'm not going to try to correct it. But, you know, the flip side of that is when you do stop engaging, you do stop participating and owning stuff that's not yours to own. I think there's also this counter-reaction of why aren't you participating? Why aren't you responding? Why are you just pretending like this is not happening? And, you know, it's just, it's, I guess my point is, you know, when you when you decide that you are going to stop shrinking yourself, or when you are going to stop responding to stuff that's not yours and making it yours, or, you know, when you decide to stay in your lane, there's already resistance, but then I think it creates more dissonance, and you have to be a little bit prepared for that. And I guess for me, I feel like at some point it will it will settle itself down, but I'm not going to engage. I'm not going to engage it. Like I've come too far. And this is across the board. It's across the board with anything. This was this was just something that kind of came up. It's not the first time, but I really took a look at it. I'm I'm not going to shrink, not going to own stuff that isn't mine. And this is what this is what got me in trouble, I think, in the first place. I was so used to absorbing. I was so used to pivoting to make everybody feel comfortable. I was making myself small so that keep the peace. And sometimes I was engaging. Sometimes I was fighting back. And that was not helpful either. That's not to say that, you know, not to fight back. I'm not saying that at all because I think there are times when you have to clap back, you have to establish your own sovereignty. You have to clap back at times. But and I do, I think I sort of choose my battles. And when I clap back, it's literally just that. It's a clap back, it's not an engagement, it's not participating in an argument. I say what I have to say, and then I move on. And it's a very different space of the back and forth, which really pulls at your energy, and then it becomes sort of this loop that really never gets resolved. You know, you try to resolve these things, and the reality is they never get resolved. You know, I would say something, somebody else would say something back, and it would be a back and forth, and then it would just end at a back and forth, but there's never really any resolution because you walk away feeling resentful no matter what. That doesn't, that doesn't complete the, you know, the pattern. It doesn't, it doesn't get away with it. It just sort of creates more of a it it creates a loop. It comes back, you know, you're gonna keep repeating this cycle until you complete it sick successfully, essentially. So I'm really learning to not participate in these loops or patterns that really have nothing to do with me. And I've mentioned that before, but I'm telling you, it just it keeps coming up. It never really stops until I think at some point it comes back, and then you're just kind of like, yeah, no, I don't, you know, doesn't bother me. I'm moving on. But you know, I get told a lot, you need to say this and you need to do this, and you need to, you need to tell them and let them know. I've never, even though I'm pretty vocal about how I feel about things, I also learned that that doesn't really work. And here's here's why. I I feel like at some point it's like you're speaking a different language. If you're on, if you're pushing through and you're on this expansive experience, and this is not even, you know, some people are consciously choosing something different, and it's expansive. When you're when you're doing that and you're trying to communicate with someone who's not quite there yet, and like I said, it's not a judgment, it's not a hierarchy, it's not that you're better or this, you know, this person is a loser because they're they're on the the same path or the same journey. It's not that at all. But at some point, that expansion, you're it's like you're speaking a different language. And I I learned that years ago in trying to communicate with people, it's like I'm speaking from this, this a little more expanded place, and it's not landing with the person that I'm that I'm talking to, whoever it was. It could be people at work, it could be, it could be, you know, a spouse, it could be a parent, a child, like it's not landing, it's not sinking in and beating your head up against the wall because they're not hearing me. They can't. You know, you and sort of an example of this. Years ago, I was I was listening to this guy on YouTube who was probably speaking from a very expanded place. And I really enjoyed listening to him talk, you know, the things he said and what he talked about. It and I I found him to be just an amazing oracle, this really cool person. My husband said to me, he's like, I don't know what the hell you're listening to, but it sounds like gibberish to me. Like, how do you even understand what this guy is talking about? And I think for me that it was at that point that I uh really made the connection of, you know, trying to explain things or trying to discuss things when you're pretty much in a different, a different place, not hierarchy, not anyone being better. You're just in different places, different stages of the game. This this moment last night, and like I said, I'm I'm not pointing fingers and I'm not trying to throw anybody under the bus. It's never, it's never my intention to do that. I'm not trying to make anybody wrong or anybody right or be right. I used to do that, you know, when you fight to the death because you've got to be right. I'm I'm not even trying to do that. What I'm trying to do is I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to learn about myself because really it's about myself. So I'm not, I'm just sharing this experience. Like I said, not to throw anyone under the bus, but to share that I could see my own growth in how I'm responding to these adverse reactions from other people. And I can also see where I still have the tension. Like it's not completely gone. Like it's, you know, my immediate thought, because my mind is doing its own thing. My immediate thought was, you know, what did I do? And I'm and I'm playing through all, did I forget to do this? Did I not do this? Am I not doing enough? Am I just sitting here watching TV and that's not going over well? Uh, you know, and I I couldn't land on anything, but there were probably 10 or 15 different things that it that it could have been. And then I've had to stop myself. I could feel my breath getting shallow. Um, I could feel this res this sort of anxious response that I did something wrong. It's like being a being a teenager, like coming home after your curfews. It was just really interesting. So I sat with that, I observed it, how it made me feel, how I my mind wanted to respond. Is everything okay? Are you what's going on? What's wrong? What you know, and I didn't do that because I figured, no, this isn't, I haven't done anything. I had dinner with my family. I enjoyed my little pizza and the kids squealing and being loud. And and then when I was done, I was done. I didn't have to be there all night. I didn't have to be there for, you know, minutes more. When I was done, I was done. And I retreated to my sanctuary and recalibrated. And then through the night, I recalibrated. And it I did it for me. I know what I need to recalibrate. And I know that I have to protect my own space, my own energy. And I'm learning to do that unapologetically. You know, if you need to step away, do it. If you need to sleep in a hammock, do it. Listen, listen to yourself, listen to your body, listen to your soul. If it's telling you you you need to do a little something to protect yourself or to feel safe or content, do it. It's and you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna get the resistance. But I think part of it is moving forward anyway, it not shrinking yourself, not staying small, following your journey and doing what you need to do to protect yourself. So for for not having really much to say, uh, that that just was kind of on my mind because it was such a strange, such a strange turn of events. I know people have this, you know, seemingly out of the blue, and I maybe sometimes I'm being tested. Let's see how far you've really come. Are you just gonna say the hell with it and freaking jump in with both feet and go to battle because you just have had it and you need to be right or you need to prove something, but experience kind of tells you that doesn't work. Like I said, you never get any resolution when you respond that way. There's never resolution. And even if you shake hands at the end, you're walking away going, screw that guy, asshole, whatever, you know, whatever. Because I'm telling you, if you're honest with yourself, you know that that you just don't you don't ever reach resolution, or you even that friend that sort of does something, you know, sort of shitty, and you go, ah, you know, okay, well, yeah, I forgive you, but do you? You walk away, and a little piece of you is like, I will never fully trust so-and-so again. I'll never do it again. You're it's always gonna be in the back of your mind, you burn me. You burn me. So I'm learning to to do things differently. I think it's a lot cleaner when I just when I protect my space. And I just let people have their cycle. You know, I don't have to correct them, I don't have to do you just go on and spin over there. Just do your little spinning, and I'm not gonna jump in that that loop with you. I'm not gonna spin with you, get dizzy. I'm gonna stay over here, I'm gonna let you spin. No judgment. Because I and I can see in that spinning, yeah. I used to do that. Yep, I used to have that thought process. And yeah, sometimes I still feel that way. No judgment, just a recognition of, yeah, I've been that done this, I've been this person. So I'm just gonna let you spin and do your thing. And and when you're done, I'm gonna be right here. I used to call it, you know, circling the drain with people. It's like, I'm not, I'm not gonna circle the drain with you. I'll stand up here on the edge of the sink and I'll watch you circle a circle, whatever. I'm not jumping in after you. You know, when you're done circling, I may, I may put a hand down there to help, you know, help you get yourself out, but I'm not gonna jump in after you. And that's that's been a huge, huge life lesson for me. I came on here today, everything was just being blown out of the water. And maybe, maybe I just needed to talk about this experience that began yesterday evening. Maybe I'm still in it a little bit. Maybe I have to, maybe I have to clear the air on that, like within myself. Talk about it and move on. Because I I I I struggled. I struggled this morning. There's just all of a sudden, just everything's starting to happen to today. I need to I need to get my podcast done, but I there's not a whole lot of space being created for me to sit and ponder and do, you know, so you just gotta do it. Sometimes you just gotta jump in and do it. And that and I feels like this was a little cathartic for dealing with whatever it was I was being shown last night and waking up still in still in the energy of it and just needing to process it. Like I said, did nothing wrong, was minding my own business, but I absolutely observed myself trying to make it about me or trying to make it my problem or you know, and that just that just never worked. So I I appreciate the opportunity to just kind of share that. Nothing earth-shattering, nothing life-changing, just a moment of the universe or whatever you want to call it, sort of testing how far I've come. And I I think I I think I did okay. I think I passed. And I'm gonna move on. I'm gonna move on now. So I'd like to invite you, you know, to think about in these moments where you're being pulled into something that maybe it's a test, you know, maybe it's just trying to see how you react. And your reaction may very well dictate if you get pulled back in or if you are able to move on to something more expansive. I don't know. I don't know. My mind goes in so many different directions, and I always have so many thoughts on these things. But, you know, I invite you to to look at these moments in your lives and maybe take the opportunity to respond in a different way or not, or jump in with both feet and and go to battle and and take note, take note of if you feel resolution after you cuss somebody out, you know, do you feel complete? Do you feel like defending yourself actually worked? Yeah, I think these are these are patterns that we we all really deeply share in. The you know, these this need to show somebody, you know, not always that you're right, but defend yourself. And don't get me wrong, there's defending yourself. If somebody's gonna attack you, you know, you have I'm talking about these sort of these tiffs that we get in where we we feel like we have to dig in our heels and some we allow somebody to draw us in and knock us out of our center. And and then trying to get back to your center is very difficult. And what I'm learning is to just stay in my center no matter what it is, no matter what. If it's someone stomping around the house or somebody saying some little curt words or, you know, doesn't mean that it doesn't piss me off, doesn't mean that I just let it roll off my back. It doesn't mean that at all. It just means I'm in control of my response. And there's something really powerful about that. Something really powerful and expansive. You know, I didn't wake up exhausted worrying about it. I literally got up. This is probably one of the first times in a long time that I got right up and I got up early and I felt really good and I going about my day, and yeah, it's crazy, and yeah, I keep getting interrupted and I didn't really know what to podcast about, but I decided to do it anyway. And yeah, maybe I maybe that was a good choice. So with that, thank you for joining me here on Star Women Rising. If today's conversation stirred something in you, trust it. That's your fire awakening. This podcast is part of the Chicology Collective where women everywhere are reclaiming their voice, their power, and their light. Be sure to subscribe, share this with a soul sister, and explore more shows under Chicology because we rise higher when we rise together. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars and rooting deep in your power.