Breaking Free from Fear: The Power of Trusting Yourself

Breaking Free from Fear: The Power of Trusting Yourself 

What do you do when you know something is wrong—but speaking up could cost you everything? 

In this deeply personal episode of Star Women Rising, Melinda shares one of the defining moments of her life: the day she chose integrity over acceptance and found the courage to stand alone. Looking back on her career in law enforcement, she reflects on the difficult decision to challenge a broken system, the loneliness that followed, and the unexpected freedom that came from trusting herself. 

This isn't just a story about the workplace. It's about those pivotal moments we all face—when we know we're being called to stop staying silent, stop people-pleasing, and stop compromising who we are simply to fit into a system that no longer aligns with our values. 

Melinda explores how fear, conformity, and the desire to belong can keep us trapped, while courage opens the door to personal transformation. 

✨ In this episode, you'll discover: 

•  Why standing up for your values often feels lonely 
•  How fear keeps us trapped in unhealthy systems 
•  The hidden cost of staying silent to fit in 
•  Why integrity is more valuable than approval 
•  How difficult decisions become spiritual turning points 
•  The freedom that comes from trusting your inner guidance 
•  Why some closed doors are actually setting you free 

If you've been wrestling with a difficult decision, questioning your career, or feeling called to step away from something that no longer fits who you're becoming, this episode is a reminder that courage isn't the absence of fear—it's choosing your truth anyway.
 
Sometimes the bravest thing you'll ever do is stand alone.
 
And sometimes that's exactly where your real life begins.
 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Star Women Rising, where cosmic roots meet earthly power. I'm Melinda, and together we'll awaken the fire within and above, exploring intuition, soul wisdom, and the ancient truths written in the stars. This isn't about escaping the world. It's about remembering who you are and rising stronger in it. Star Women Rising is part of the Chicology Podcast Collective. Real women, real stories rising together. Let's jump right in. Again, I'd like to invite you to explore more podcasts under the Chicology Collective. Got some outstanding women sharing their journeys with some tremendous insight. Today I've been pondering this journey. This journey I've been on. And I I wanted to talk about, you know, at some point, at some point, there was there was this need for me to take a stance. A really what felt like a really big stance at the time. It it really required an amount of maybe bravery, maybe some audacity. It was several years ago in my career. Now I I started this career, I kind of landed in it when I was in college. I majored in psychology and I thought, I want to be a therapist. Yeah, I wanted to I wanted to be an MSW. When I got my degree in psychology, I minored in sociology, and uh I actually did really well. I graduated with a a 3.8 or something like that. It's really not important. It's it's only important to the degree that I moved back to California. I I graduated, I got my my bachelor's at the University of Albany in upstate New York, and I did really well. I mean, I I think I had one B, one B while I was there, and moved back to California and applied at Cal State San Bernardino for their social work program. And I have really good recommendations, a good GPA, and I couldn't get in. I couldn't get in. And being young and not, I guess, naive, I didn't I couldn't understand. Like why why am I not a good candidate? I later understood, you know, I wasn't I didn't do my undergrad in their program, so I I was at a disadvantage. You know, they they were taking their own people. So moving on from that, I ended up in a job that was probably maybe incorporated some of that that book learning I got. And then once once I got into this this job and I was working with juvenile juveniles, juvenile offenders, I realized, oh man, I I don't I do not want to be a therapist. I got my own damn problems. I'm looking at these kids with all this crazy stuff, and I thought, okay, well, probably dodged a bullet there because it I it just dawned on me that I just that was not something I wanted to deal with for whatever reason. You know, I but in this career, I really enjoyed initially I really enjoyed what I was doing. I I was into it. I was I was working hard. I was I was I felt like I was kind of a hard charger. You know, I had my conditioning was if you work hard, you'll be rewarded. So I worked hard. Yeah, I worked really hard. And it a lot of times probably at the expense of my own children, my own family, you know, putting in extra time, you know, just being the person that would pick up a slack, being dependable. I was always taught, be reliable, be a dependable person, always be on time. I think the one area where I really struggled was I'm just I'm not really a yes person. I'm inquisitive. I want to know why. Why why are we doing things this way? Why, you know, this sometimes this doesn't make sense. Wouldn't it be easier if we did it this way? And not not that I was right, but I I questioned a lot, and that's that is frowned upon. People don't want to be questioned. And especially in the career that I chose, it was, you know, you just do what I say. And that's that. And I I used to, you know, I used to watch people who could do that. Like they just they had no no connection. People they were told what to do and they did it, and they didn't they didn't trip, they just did it. And sometimes I thought, man, I wish I wish I could be more like that, where I I just, you know, that sort of military, paramilitary style of just taking orders. But sometimes things just didn't make sense. They didn't make sense at all. Like and I wanted to know why. Like, wouldn't it be easier if we just did this? Or are aren't we just trying to reinvent the wheel and making things more difficult? And again, there was probably an element of being naive how things work, right? So, you know, later you kind of realize, oh, there's there's funding issues, or you know, you have to do it this way because you need funding, or you're getting grants, and a grant requires this. So, I mean, in my career, we did a lot of shifting, shifting around, going back to what we were doing before, just to start all over. And it it just felt crazy, felt felt nutty to me, felt ridiculous on some levels. But yeah, you know, the first probably 10 years of my career, I was great. I was running and gunning, I was out catching bad guys, putting people in jail, keeping the streets safe, you know, we're the safety of the community, and maybe doing a little bit of counseling, really piss poor counseling with the people that you felt like you could actually do that with. And it was it was definitely not one of those careers where you got any uh immediate gratification that you've done something good, like there was never that, other than the safety of the community, right? That was that was the only bone, you know, that made things kind of worthwhile at the time. But really, I mean, you never, if you even the people that you had an opportunity to help that maybe didn't belong in that system, maybe did something stupid and had the opportunity to do better, you don't you never knew. You rarely ever got to see if you did anything productive. You had to just trust or just figure, uh, whatever. Like I said, there were the people that were just absolutely not connected to this job. It was a nine to five, you know, they they'd hit the gate, be done with it, collect their check. And I I had wished that I could be that person, but I was far more, far more into it. But as the years progressed, I grew increasingly weary of this system. Yeah, I'm looking around, things are shifting. I'm not managing these changes so well because you know, I couldn't understand like why, you know, why are we doing these things? And then I started to notice sort of how how business was in my mind, I guess a little corrupted. A little corrupted. You know, it's like I I put in 10 years, I worked every assignment, pretty much every assignment. I worked supervision, I worked investigations, I worked gangs, and and the gangs was a brief, brief stint because the unit I was in was just absolutely horrible when it came to the behaviors of the other people that were in there. You know, I just I didn't kind of I didn't really fit their archetype of we are elite, nobody else knows how to do this job, everybody's stupid except us, and I just wasn't that person, so I didn't really fit in. But I I worked gangs for a bit, and I was low man on the totem pole at the time. I was the newest person to the unit. And it but I had worked every aspect of the job adult, juvenile, specialized. So it made sense to me that after a while I would start trying to promote. And when I started trying to promote, I started noticing that I was getting I was getting passed up over and over and over again. And I am not the only person that's that's had this experience. I actually have a friend who's who's still in the business who is dealing pretty much with the same thing. And so my I couldn't understand, you know, there were people that were coming in that were brand spanking new and would have two years and and not really much, much uh experience, and they were promoting. And that this was very confusing to me. And then you we ended up with a chief who who really flew up the ladder fast and never really worked the job like a lot of other people, like myself, with experiences in all the areas. And I just I I was so confused. I was so confused. How how is this? How does this work? And at one point, after several years of trying to promote, I made another attempt, put in my application, and got an interview. And the interview was, you know, they they have to give you this form, you know, they have these policies they have to follow of how they're going to run the interviews. So I got into the interview and it was not like that. They were asking me some questions and crazy stuff that wasn't on this form. So I ended up filing a complaint. And filing complaints is something people just didn't do. People were so afraid. People and I was part of that. If you just don't want to rock the boat, you just stay in line. If you if you rock the boat, they're gonna come after you. And nobody wanted to deal with that. Nobody wanted to deal with that, but I had just had enough. I had had it. So I filed a complaint. It's what's really funny about it is they sustained my complaint. There was another brave woman who actually jumped on board with me, and I think that opened Pandora's box for her for the rest of her career. But she was brave enough to do it, and they sustained the complaint. The department investigates its own dirty laundry. So I got I got the result back. They sustained it and they said basically admitted, yeah, we've been doing that, we've been doing it the whole time to, you know, on other levels. And yeah, too bad, so sad. Like tough shit. We just, yep, we're doing that. The result of that was I actually did end up getting promoted because while they're kind of silly in their approach, they're not totally dumb. So they promoted me because they knew that if they didn't, after I filed this complaint, that there was a good likelihood of them being involved in a lawsuit. So they did promote me, but I didn't get my promotion on merit. I got it because they didn't want to deal with a lawsuit. And and I found that just really interesting, and especially the response. I yep, yep, we we absolutely did that. Tough. You know, and they promoted me, and then it was just kind of huh, all right. The other the other woman did not get promoted and kind of I think spiraled with them going after her with a vengeance. And I don't think she helped her cause, but she was on the radar. So after that, I kind of had developed this level of bravery. And I I bring this up because in this journey, I think, I think there are going to be times where you are challenged to do something brave. And and brave isn't the best word, but you're gonna have to take a stance. It's almost like a test. Are you going to continue on with this gatekeeper system or are you going to break free? And you break free on a lot of levels, mentally, physically, emotionally. Like, do you have what it takes to break free of this system? And that I have that moment came and I was sort of prepared for it. I had had some dreams, I had some interesting experiences that that were leading up to you're gonna have to be brave. So I I think I was fortunate because I I feel like I had, I was, I was, there was sort of this, you're gonna be okay. Something was there that was saying you do this and you're gonna be supported. You're gonna be okay. Because I I I was headed for something much bigger. And it was it was it was huge. It was huge for me. But in my capacity in this promotion, it was it was like an assistant supervisory position. And once you cross over into those positions, there are certain laws that you are bound by, right? You're like harassment laws or or whatever. Like if somebody reports something to you, you have to take action. So in these, in this capacity, my role changed. And I was the person sitting in the corner, minding my own business. I've mentioned this before, had my do not disturb sign up, didn't didn't want to be bothered. But in that, many people came to my office and started to express these very strange things that were going on that they were experiencing in this department. I mean, some pretty ugly stuff, how they were being treated or the stuff they were privy to. And this went on for years. I mean, this was I mean, I literally, people came in and told me so much stuff. And I'd always say, Well, why don't you file a complaint? Why don't you, oh no, no, no, no, can't do that. You know, everybody's scared. So then one day, one of my coworkers came in and and told me that that the chief had called her personally and essentially levied a threat at her, but it involved her marriage. It involved her her marriage, her husband that was really connected to the chief, that you could always tell he whatever he wanted, he got it, and they were going through a divorce, and she got this really threatening phone call. Well, there's policies that that govern that, right? That if somebody's being threatened or workplace kind of stuff, you have to report it. But but there's nothing, what do you do when it's when it's the top person, right? And it's it's the law. So, you know, I took this information and I wasn't the only person in a supervisory position that knew about this. There were others, but nobody nobody did anything. So I thought, well, what do you do with this? Like, who do you go to? You go to the the very department that's allowing this garbage to happen, or you know, so so I filed a whistleblower complaint with the board of supervisors, and I put my name to it. And that's the big thing. People complain all the time, but they never want to put their name to it. So I put my name to it. It launched outside investigation, but it was really interesting because the it wasn't really my complaint, it was a culmination of all these things that were placed on me over the years that I put out there, and people were shocked. Actually, there were people that were cheering. It was almost like, you know, like freeing the slaves. Uh I don't even know. It was there was just this very incredible response. And then people were coming to me saying, I, you know, can you let the investigator know that I want to talk to her? Can you let the investigator know to call me? I've got this information. And and by that time it was too late. They they were only investigating my allegations. The union, the union would who would not back me, I'd go to the union meetings and I'd tell them, these things are happening, this stuff is happening, and nobody's standing up. And every month we come here and we sit and boo-hoo about the stupid shit that's going on or the unjust stuff that's happening, but nobody stands up. And even after the complaint, I'd go, I said, look, we've got this complaint. We have an opportunity to do something. And and people were, you know, there were the people that were like, oh no, no, I'm not getting involved with that. And and then we have the spies, right? We had the the spies that were being promised promotions if they'd come into the union meetings and report things back. Like this, this was like a crazy, crazy time of and a very eye-opening experience. And I I mean, it was our it was our chief, it was our assistant chief, and I put it all out there by myself. I had nobody, I had the one the one woman who backed me over the promotion was actually the only other person that backed me during this this complaint, too. And she she paid a very hefty price. She, you know, they they did go after her with a vengeance. Now there's some other aspects to that, you know. I don't think she she helped her cause with her own behavior, but but they did go after her, like I said, with a vengeance. But this, I mean, I had administrators coming to me and telling me, man, you got big balls. I can't, you know, and they were so happy. It was like it was like the house being dropped on the witch, right? And the wizard of oz. And all the munchkins came out and they're first, you know, kind of looking around, the dust is settling, and then they're cheering. But it still really wasn't enough to get people to see, you know what, you can you can do this. So I was absolutely on my own. Now, you know, the laws are such that you file the complaint and they investigate, but you you never know. You never know what's come out of it, right? All that's all that's secret, and it's under the guise of protecting basically the perpetrator, right? They have rights to privacy, even though, even though the stuff that was happening and you're at the highest level of this department and the things that you're doing are so egregious, you have this expectation of privacy. So I don't really know what happened, you know, what sort of punishment that was doled out. And it was, you know, maybe a a month on the the beach. I do know that the assistant chief actually retired early, earlier than her plan. And she was missing for a while. And I was told nobody was allowed to talk about why she was missing. And I think she ended up being the fall guy for a lot of I think some of the most damning information was was on her, but it it was not, it was not by any means just her. And I I wanted to bring I wanted to bring this up because it was such a pivotal moment in my journey. And I think, I mean, I imagine that there are more people who come up against these really difficult situations where you have to make a really scary, difficult decision. You have to use your voice, you have to put yourself out there. And I I didn't fall on the sword for anybody. Like I I did this because I'd had it. I'd had it. And you know, at some point I realized, you know, keep your stinky promotion. It's almost it became a badge of honor to not be promoted because I realized they only want people who'll shut the hell up and do what they're told, even if it's dirty, even if it's wrong. They don't want minds that think. They don't want people that question. They don't, they don't want critical thinkers, they just want somebody who's driven by the money and the job. Just just collect your check and shut the hell up. And I was not that person. Then whatever. No, no shade on the people that are just making their living and doing. But at some point, it's the deal with the devil. To me, it's kind of it's the deal with the devil. And I had plenty of people who made that deal with the devil that were coming to me going, man, I I I wish I'd never done this. So I I learned that not climbing the ladder in this particular place was a badge of honor. It was a testament to my unwillingness to submit. I didn't have a problem doing the job. I didn't have a problem following whatever, whatever orders. You know, there's some level of that. I really didn't have a problem with that. I really, what I had issues with were some of the really crazy shady things that I started to see happening. You know, how they manipulate statistics to get new construction sites or, you know, like all these things. People always talk about statistics, statistics, and and then you, you know, being a psych major, I had to learn statistics. But you also learn statistics can be manipulated. So not everything they're telling you is true. The promotion process. I interviewed for supervisor at one point. I had more education than everybody on the panel, and I had more experience than most the people that were being interviewed. And the person that got the position over me wasn't even recommended by the panel. I don't know that I was, but I know that he wasn't. But he happened to be the guy that was super close to the top, to the top dog of the department, right? Doing her bidding. The one who, you know, who was going through the divorce that the chief threatened his wife. I mean, I'm not, I'm not trying to gossip or throw anybody under the bus. I'm telling my experience of the absolute craziness that was transpiring all around me. And I for a while it's getting my feelings hurt. Like I was like, what? What is what why am I not good enough? And it had nothing to do with that. And then I realized this is a very dirty system, a very broken system. And to not fit into that system was was absolutely um glorious thing. Our egos get sort of caught up in, you know, why, why not me? Why am I not good enough? And it had nothing to do with that. It had everything to do with I just did not fit in the system. And I can look back on that, and even at the time, I could look back on that. But these people that were very adversarial at the time, in particular the the person I filed this whistleblower complaint against, I had to acknowledge and thank her. I didn't do it personally because it it wasn't it wasn't that kind of relationship at the time. But in my mind, I I felt like, you know what? She gave me an opportunity to soar. Not not through promotion or anything, but she provided the platform for me to take a very big, brave leap to bust out of the system, to go against the system, to be a maverick, to show what I was made of. So I am I am grateful to her for that. Like don't get me wrong, this isn't this isn't my my I I'm not here to to throw shade on people or throw people under the bus. I'm really focusing on how these these circumstances, these situations have helped me move forward, helped me expand. But so in that, I you know, I I did. Something that was unthinkable to pretty much everybody else in the department. It was unthinkable. Like, are you crazy? What are you doing? And I did it. And then after that, I kind of realized, you know, I mean, I'd been wanting to get out of there for years. I'd gone back to school. I thought, oh, be a dental hygienist. Or you know, I went and got my master's degree. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. It it didn't help my career one bit. It helped me personally, but it didn't help my career. But I came to the realization that I got to get out of here. Like you can't just throw the grenade and sit around and wait for it to explode. You know, it's gonna, you're gonna get hit. You're gonna get hit by the shrapnel. And I thought, you know, they're probably watching me now. They're probably looking at everything I do, seeing if I'm coming in late. And they're just gonna wait. They're gonna patiently wait for me to slip up and then they're gonna hammer me. Because once you file a complaint, essentially you're kind of, you're kind of bulletproof for a little bit. You know, when everything sort of smooths over and it quiet down years down the roads, they're gonna get you. They're gonna come at you. And I knew that. So at that point, I started figuring out what I needed to do to get out because I just knew it was a matter of time that my Kevlar was going to fade away, probably, you know, sooner than later. But it was, it was one of the bravest, most difficult, most lonely experiences and a and a very, very difficult thing to do. Like I said, I I I did have some dreams and stuff that that let me know, no, you're you're headed down the right path. This is but you still have to have this trust, right? You still have to trust what you're experiencing. And I did. Nothing major, nothing major came of it. Like I said, maybe got a couple weeks on the beach. Who knows? We we aren't allowed to know, and that's that's not really what's important. What was important was I did what needed to be done. And there was fear, I was scared, I was worried, but I did it anyway. And I think many people out there may be facing some difficult decision where you're scared, you don't know where it's gonna go, you know, it's it's kind of ominous, and something's pushing you to do a very difficult thing. You can push through, you can push through, you can do it, whatever that is for you. So I just wanted to share that because, like I said, it was a pretty profound experience for me. It was a huge growth experience for me. And again, the point wasn't blasting these people. The point was it was an opportunity for me to break out of a system that I did not fit into. I clearly didn't fit there. I had no business there. It served its purpose. I learned a lot, but it was time to move on. And I will say from from that point on, I stopped. I stopped being afraid. I stopped, I stopped being bullied, bullied by the system, bullied by people. It was a powerful, pivotal moment for me. So, you know, if you're out there and you've got some difficult decisions and you know everybody's scared, but but you're you're heading someplace. You know your journey is taking you someplace. You can do it. You can do it. You don't need everybody back in you. If it's in your heart, if everything's telling you, follow your own guidance. You'll land on your feet, or you'll, you know, you'll soar. That's a even a better way to put it. You'll take that leap and you will soar. All right. Well, thank you for joining me here on Star Women Rising. If today's conversation stirred something in you, trust it. That's your fire awakening. This podcast is part of the Chicology Collective where women everywhere are reclaiming their voice, their power, and their light. Be sure to subscribe, share this with a soul sister, and explore more shows under Chicology because we rise higher when we rise together. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars and rooting deep in your power.