Discernment Is Not Judgment: Protecting Your Energy Without Guilt | Star Women Rising

Discernment Is Not Judgment: Protecting Your Energy Without Guilt | Star Women Rising 

Have you ever been told, "You don't like people," when the truth is you simply protect your peace?

In this deeply personal episode of Star Women Rising, Melinda unpacks the powerful difference between discernment and judgment. Through stories from her career, family life, and spiritual journey, she explores what it means to recognize both the light and the shadow in people—without condemning them, trying to fix them, or becoming entangled in their energy. 

As we grow spiritually, many of us become more sensitive to the energy around us. We begin choosing relationships, environments, and conversations differently—not from fear or superiority, but from wisdom, self-awareness, and self-preservation.

In this episode, you'll discover:

✨ Why discernment is an act of self-respect—not rejection
 ✨ The difference between intuition, judgment, and energetic awareness
 ✨ Why some people mistake healthy boundaries for being cold or unfriendly
 ✨ How to recognize when you're protecting your peace instead of avoiding people
 ✨ Why spiritual maturity often looks like calm instead of emotional reactivity
 ✨ How to stop explaining your boundaries and start honoring them with confidence
 ✨ Practical ways to stay compassionate without becoming emotionally entangled

If you've ever felt misunderstood because you've become more selective with your time, energy, and relationships, this conversation is your reminder that protecting your peace doesn't require an apology.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and for others—is to quietly step back, remain centered, and trust what your intuition has been trying to tell you all along. 

🌙 Your intuition isn't asking you to judge people. It's asking you to honor yourself.

#Discernment #Intuition #ProtectYourPeace #HealthyBoundaries #EnergyHealing #SpiritualGrowth #PersonalGrowth #WomenHealing #Empath #ConsciousLiving #SelfAwareness #StarWomenRising #ChickologyPodcastCollective #SoulWisdom #HealingJourney

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Star Women Rising, where cosmic roots meet earthly power. I'm Melinda, and together we'll awaken the fire within and above, exploring intuition, soul wisdom, and the ancient truths written in the stars. This isn't about escaping the world. It's about remembering who you are and rising stronger in it. Star Women Rising is part of the Chicology Podcast Collective. Real women, real stories, rising together. Hey, if you haven't already, go check out some more of the uh podcast on the Chicology Collective. Real Women, Real Stories, getting it done. So today uh I want to talk about this this experience I had, but it seems to be kind of a recurring theme with me. And it I guess I'm I'm just done. I just had it. So I wanna wanna talk about it. And then I think I want to be done with it. Like I want to be done explaining, I want to be done talking about this idea of not liking anybody or or being judgmental. Uh this I've I've had this said to me numerous times over the years. And the other night I was I was having a conversation with my cousin, and he asked me what I was doing over the 4th of July, and I said, We're we're gonna be going on a on a little getaway, little weekend trip with some friends. And I I said I'm just I wasn't really excited about I'm just not. I'm not excited about the idea. This is a 250th what anniversary, and my mind goes to all of you know these places, these destinations, having these big events and lots of people gathering, and that that does not appeal to me. The the crowds and and kind of the the chaos and and craziness. It's not my favorite, it's not my favorite thing. And his response to me was, you don't like anybody. And I'm gonna tell you, I've I've heard that so much, especially probably over the the past 15 years or so, that you don't like anybody, you're so judged, you're so judgmental. And, you know, initially when when people were kind of saying those things, I I'd like I like to reflect, you know, do some self-reflection. Like, am I am I being judgmental? You know, am I am I kind of a dick? Am I like, I just don't like anybody and I think I'm better than everybody else, and everyone's beneath me. And and you know, I I did the reflecting, and then I did the change myself, right? Well, maybe, maybe I'll just try to be a little more open and a little more accommodating and a little more friendly because surely if if these people are telling me this, there must be something. There must be something wrong with me. And I'm over that. I am absolutely over that because in my my self-reflection, I realized that I am a person who can hold two truths about people and even some of the what we would maybe consider the worst of the worst behaved people. I can recognize people's light and their shadow. I can recognize that people can be perfectly amazing beings, but also have this shadow side or this darkness or this chaos or drama or whatever it is that I don't want to engage with, right? You can you can have a really sweet neighbor that you love and you know that she's a perfectly nice person, but you don't want to hang out with her, right? It's nothing about the kind of person she is. It's just there's no, you don't resonate. So bless my cousin's heart. I appreciate him. And I hope he doesn't, if he listens to this, I hope he doesn't feel like I'm throwing him under the bus because that's not what this is about. This was really an opportunity for me to look at this, this theme, this pattern that keeps coming up. And then I reflect on it and and I feel like I have reflected on it for the last time. I'm done. And I I'm sure I am not, again, the only person out there who is who's had this experience or is in the middle of this experience of being judged and being told that you're you're judgmental or you don't like anybody. And and you know, there are actually those people out there that will say, I don't like people, I hate people. I am not that person. And I always find that kind of weird. Like I I don't dislike people at all. And I've mentioned, you know, in my career, I I dealt with what I always called society's throwaways, right? That that portion of the population that would participate in really unsavory behaviors, some of it minor, some of it like unconscionable. I mean, I I I've mentioned this before. I I inter I had to interview a serial killer for for sentencing, and nobody else wanted to do it. Remember, I I mentioned I I tried to pay some of the guys to do it because I was just creeped out. I I had it was a cold case from 1976, and I I didn't wanna I didn't want to deal with it. And nobody would do it. Everybody's like, ooh, yeah, that's creepy. Heck no, I I'm doing that. So I did the interview, but what I found was how very pleasant, very pleasant this man was. And you know, my mind's all over the place. It's like, you know, I could meet this guy on the street, and he he could be a perfectly pleasant person, but he's got this really dark aspect to him. The the pedophile who sued me in civil court $65 million lawsuit, he he came, his dad was a pastor. He, by all accounts, was a great guy. He was a great guy. I got so many letters from people telling me that they would trust him with their children. So there's these, you know, I can hold two truths about people, but I'm discerning. There, there's this level of discernment, there's this level of I I don't want to entangle with your drama. So does that make me a bad person? Does that make me a person that doesn't, you know, judgmental or doesn't like anybody? So it this conversation, and I actually explained, I said no. I I I kind of explained the same way I did here that no, it doesn't mean I don't like people. Just means I don't like being around a lot of people, or I choose not to engage with maybe certain people or most people. And then I thought, I'm tired of explaining. I'm tired of explaining this. So this is gonna be my last time explaining this because I don't have to explain anything to anybody, but I know that there's other people out there that are probably having this very same experience. I think I, you know, when my kids were teenagers and they would have certain friends or bring certain people around, and I would be like, something's not right. Probably perfectly nice kid. Obviously, I'm not hanging out with them, you know, but probably fine. But there's just something there. There's just something there. And this is discernment, right? I'm discerning. And what what exactly is is discernment? It's not rejection. I'm not rejecting these people. What I'm doing is I'm saying, there's something's not resonating. Something is just not quite right. Something makes me not totally trust what's going on here. It's like you you you can recognize there's some that energetically that something about them is not resonating. You're you're it's making your bells and your your alarms, alarm bells go off. It's not a judgment. It's this gut feeling that it, you know, you there's something going on here that that I don't want to participate with. It's not a judgment. And you're not, I don't see it as disliking people. I see it as protecting myself. And at the time, you know, with my kids, trying to protect my kids. Like this is this is a disruptive pattern that I am seeing that I don't want entering into my into my arena, my field. I I something I just don't trust. Doesn't mean I don't like them. It just means I'm seeing something. Even, even if you're, you know, you can you can have a smile on your face, right? Smile on your face, but behind that smile is something super dark, super weird. And it's not always to that extreme. And I've learned over the years, and what's really funny is when I was a teenager, I used to kind of do the same thing. And my mom would, my mom would snap, you brought this person to our house, and there's they something's not right about them. And I'd be like, Well shit, I didn't I didn't know because I'm not paying attention, right? But my mother was very discerning. So, you know, I I I get it. I get it with the younger, the younger people. You're everybody's your friend. You you know, go on social media and you've got seven million followers, and you think every one of them is your friend, and you don't realize that the boogeyman is hiding, probably several boogeymen are hiding in that seven million people, right? Uh in fact, the pedophile who sued me in civil court was one of those catch predator type things where he was soliciting a five-year-old. So, not you know, trying to get the younger people to to realize, you know, not everybody, not everybody that that likes your stuff or follows you is has good intentions. So this this discernment. And maybe, you know, as you age, you develop it. I wasn't always called unfriendly. I used to be, you know, super happy to be out and about and partying and hanging out and friendly with everybody, but it it it was at a very high cost. And then over the years, I started to kind of listen to what was going on and and realize, man, I this doesn't always make me feel good. Like this is not, this is a big draw on my energy. And I always say energy doesn't lie. Energy doesn't lie. But in this, I have really become very misread. And this, I am not coming from a victim perspective. This is just an observation that that in this, I people really have started to misread where um where I'm at because I don't engage in their drama. And what happens when you stop engaging in people's drama is they begin to feel exposed. There's there's sort of this. I guess a good example is like when I quit drinking. I mentioned this before. When I quit drinking, and and really it just kind of happened. I just stopped liking it. I stopped enjoying it. It started tasting horrible. So it wasn't like I went to, you know, rehab or AA or anything. For me, I was really lucky. It just stopped. It was like, ugh, this is gross. It's not, it's not working for me anymore. And when I stopped drinking, and I had the people that were like, you were so much more fun. You were so much more fun when you were drinking. And of course, they're shitty drunk, and they're looking at me all googly-eyed, and they're telling me that I'm I'm no fun anymore because because I'm not participating. So there's this like this level of exposure, I think, that happens when you pull back and you saw decide not to engage in people's drama. And then people start to interpret your distance as judgment, and because their their identity is is built on resonating with others, right? You think you're a nice person. You think you're a nice person, and you probably are, but this person over here is pulling back from you and it starts to make you think, well, what's what's wrong with me? You know, and and your mind starts spinning because your identity is is based upon people liking you and people wanting to be around you. And for me, it's really it's not it's not personal. It's not a, it's just, mm, it just doesn't work for me. It there's no, this is not a judgment on your value. It is not a judgment on your worth, it is not a judgment on the kind of person you are. It is my my being is not enjoying something that's in there. I'm stepping back from something that's going on in there that I don't want to entangle with. This isn't, you know, this isn't a you thing, it's a me thing, right? And it's funny, I say that a lot. I think people think that that that's sort of this catch, catchphrase line kind of thing that, oh, this, it's this isn't about you. This is about this is about me, but it's absolutely true. This is this is no has no bearing on the kind of person you are. And it has everything to do with me trying to stay clear, trying to stay centered. And people don't see it that way. People don't see it that way. They take it, they take it personal. Your your silence can also maybe trigger their their shadow projection, right? They're they're you're I guess the best way to describe it is you're judgmental. You're not you're not a nice person. You don't like anybody. That's a that's a shadow projection because that's not true. It's absolutely not true. I am a very loving, compassionate, caring person, but I'm not going to do it at my own expense anymore. I'm just not gonna do it. And I've been I've been in this process for several years. Like, yeah, I'm not gonna do it. I don't care who you are. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're my own mama, I don't care if you're my child. I'm I'm just not gonna do it. I can't. I cannot do it. And I also think that people lash out and call me judgmental, maybe you two, because they don't have a frame of reference to understand what you're what's going on with you, right? What is what they're you know, you're you're built a little different. And like I said, it's not personal. You know, I for me, it's there's it's no no judgment on your work, no judgment on the kind of person you are, but that's confusing. I think that's confusing for people. I think I think they are deeply confused. I, you know, I know some people, I can think of one person in particular, by all accounts a very nice person, very caring person, a very loving person, very generous person, but there's just something there. And I I just don't want to hang out. I just can't do it. It causes me such discord to be in their presence that, you know, I I can't exactly explain it. And it's nothing really specific. Sometimes that the there's a combination of things. I think, I think this person is so paradoxical for me that it it actually blows my mind. Like, you know, that two truths, like there's this really caring, loving side, but then there's also this side that absolutely is not, and it's subtle, right? It's it's a subtle me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me energy and weirdness that it it causes me such discord that I I just can't do it. And I'm not being mean. Or maybe they maybe I am, maybe they think I'm being mean, I'm being honest that there's just something there, and I can't do it, and I'm not gonna force myself to, not going to force myself to take part of it. And so if if I have the opportunity, and when I have the opportunity to disengage, I absolutely disengage. It's it's such an interesting place to be in, but boy, it puts you out there. You're you know, everybody's like, why, why are you rejecting me? Why are you so distant? Why don't you want to do things? Why are why do you keep our conversations really short? Why don't you participate? Why don't you like anybody? So it's just not true. It's just not true. And like I said, I'm so done explaining it, but but I know that there's other other people, surely there are other people that are go, you know, going through this. Maybe you've kind of reeled things in a bit. Maybe for your own self-preservation, you kind of reeled things in a bit. Maybe you've been going hard in the paint, right? Maybe you've been freaking hair on fire and and and you're worn out, and now you're trying to do things a little differently. You've expended so much energy all over the place trying to keep people happy and trying to seem like a nice person and trying to be helpful that you have completely depleted yourself. And that's, you know, I came to that. And it was it was a progression. It was a progression. I think the discernment kicked in. And I think, in particular with teenage kids, you that's you really start paying attention. You have to, you have to. And that's when I noticed it with my mom that oh, don't don't bring that person to this house ever again and couldn't figure out why. Why seem like a perfectly nice person? But now I understand. Now I understand she was reading something probably very subtle that I was not paying attention to because I just wanted to have fun. I just wanted to, you know, I just want to hang out, be a teenager, which is, you know, valid too. That's that's fine. It's part of being a teenager. But my mother was that discerning aspect for me. Nope, don't do it. So I can carry two truths about people. I can carry their light, super nice, super amazing person, really caring, really generous, and their shadow. There's some manipulation going on there. I can I can see some of these moves that are highly emotionally manipulative. I can see some of these moves that are so deeply self-centered, and I and I mean that not in a good in a in the way of self-care. I mean it in the way of I live on an island and I'm going to behave unconsciously and run roughshod over everybody and not think about how it affects anyone else. That kind of selfish. And maybe I shouldn't use the words interchangeably, but it's really a level of unconsciousness that is shocking to my senses. And I see it. And I think other people see it too sometimes, but but we don't we don't want to be mean. We don't want to be thought of as mean. We don't want to, we don't want to be thought of as judgmental. So we just stay the course and we keep pretending like there's not something there rattling your your field. And I can't do that anymore. And when you see people so clearly, you see them so clearly, and it's not a judgment, it's a choice. Like I see, I see you so clearly that I know better than to get involved with you. I see you so clearly that I know to just keep my distance and let you do your thing. You do your thing. You don't need me. You probably got plenty of other people that are willing to entangle with you, but yet you want to focus on me and why I'm not wanting to participate. That kind of goes back to that. Don't have a frame of reference for what I'm experiencing here, and you're not validating my drama. Am I crazy? And it's causing me to have an identity crisis. But everybody else will participate with you. I I won't. So it's it's an interesting, uh, it's an interesting setup how that happens. Like, just leave me alone. Just let me go sit in my little corner and be quiet and read a book. Just leave me alone. I am not, I am not trying to change you. I am not trying to create problems for you. I'm trying to just stay out of your way. I don't want to dance with you. I don't want to tango with you. I can't. And it it comes across as cold. I think sometimes I definitely come across as cold because I don't react the way it, you know, think people think you should react to things. Now, this is new. This is new. This staying centered kind of thing has become new for me. And I know it looks cold. I know it does. Because the past me would have looked at it and said, damn, you're cold-blooded. Like you're not all broken up over this. You're you're you seem solid. Damn, you're cold. No, it's not. It's not. And maybe some of you out there are also experiencing this. You know it, you know, you don't feel cold. You just feel centered. And I think that that's a level of sort of a spiritual maturity where you just don't let yourself get drawn into things, maybe emotionally, physically, mentally. You stay centered. And boy, there that that certainly looks cold. But I don't care. I don't care. I feel much better. I feel much better not getting drawn in. And the reality is I am not rejecting anyone. I am absolutely not rejecting anyone. You some of these people, you know, you you call me tomorrow and you need you need a dozen eggs. I'm just throwing stuff out there. I'm gonna bring you a dozen eggs. Your house burned down and you need some clothes. I'm gonna go through my closet. I'm gonna get some clothes for you. You don't, you don't have any money for a meal. I'm gonna make sure you get that meal, but I'm not going to entangle with you. I am compassionate, I am caring, but I do it in a different way now. And I am preserving my own well-being. I am preserving what I have really worked hard to get to for 55 years. I have really had to be diligent to get to where I am now. And I've mentioned before I was half dead. I was looking in the mirror. There's a dead woman looking back at me, big dark circles under our eyes, pale lips that are peeling and cracking because my body was just trying to keep the energy in my vital organs to keep me alive. Like I am not joking. I am not joking. I am not exaggerating. So it for me, I've learned it is imperative. It is imperative that I come from this self-preservation. And it is not personal. It is not personal. It is no judgment on the kind of person you are. Your journey is your journey. I'm just not, just not gonna engage. I'm not gonna, I'm not going to allow myself to become entangled. And it just, it just hit me, just hit me so hard the other night. And like I said, this wasn't the first time. This was not the first time I heard this. Been hearing it for years, been for a lot of that time. I was thinking, well, what's wrong with me? You know what? Why am I why am I like this? Why am I this person? And I was internalizing this this idea that I was, I don't like anybody. And certainly, probably from the outside, it looks that way. Way. And I'm like, no, I don't really want to go. I don't want to be part of this. I don't want to be. And my thought in it is always, I kind of do this scan of how my body feels. Oh, do you want to go do this? And and if there's any contraction, you know, I sometimes you get this big contraction that says, I really don't want to go. Then I listen to that. That contraction tells me all I need to know. No, no, this is not something I want to do. And and literally that's what I base my decisions on. It has really on other people. And that's not always true. There are sometimes there are people that I just absolutely don't, I don't enjoy their company. And that's not a them thing, that's a me thing. And I'm learning, I'm learning to breathe through because I can't, I can't stay holed up in the house all day, every day. I have to be able to get out and about. I have to be able to go to Walmart and do my grocery shopping without feeling like I'm going to spontaneously combust the minute I walk in the door. I'm learning to regulate my nervous system to be able to move about the cabin and not be completely paralyzed. I don't think that's necessarily healthy too, but it's it's a process. I'm learning to self-regulate. And part of it is paying attention to these sensations that I get that tell me, oh, this is not a good setup. This is this is not healthy for me. Sometimes I I'm already someplace and that feeling comes on. I have to breathe through it. But, you know, like I said, I'm I'm not trying to stay holed up in my house being the cat lady, you know, for the rest of my life. I'm I'm still in this process, just like everything else I've kind of discussed. I'm still in this process of getting to a point where I can be in the crowd and it doesn't bother me that I'm not hyper-vigilant or on high alert or, you know, crashing in on myself because I just there's so much chaos and energy about me. You know, I'm learning to not absorb that. I'm learning to stay centered so that I can be in those environments and not be so deeply affected. I am a work in progress, but I'm also, like I said, absolutely done explaining myself. I will not explain myself anymore on I choose not to engage. And that's that's that. This was my this was my explanation, and I'm done. So thank you for for participating in that. Thank you for being part of that process for me. I'm sure others of you are going through the same thing. And hopefully, this maybe provides a little bit of insight, maybe gives you some permission to be discerning in whatever the situation is. I mean, it could be a close family member, it could be a perfect stranger. You sense this that, you know, grandma's trying to manipulate me. You know, be aware of it and you know that you can back off from that. You can discern that and you can choose not to engage, whatever the whatever the case may be. I'm just throwing grandma out there, but it could be anybody, anybody, any situation. So, with that, I'd like to thank you for joining me here on Star Women Rising. If today's conversation stirred something in you, trust it. That's your fire awakening. This podcast is part of the Chicology Collective where women everywhere are reclaiming their voice, their power, and their light. Be sure to subscribe, share this with the Soul Sister, and explore more shows under Chicology because we rise higher when we rise together. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars and rooting deep in your power.