Shedding Your Old Self: How Letting Go Creates Space for Who You're Becoming

Shedding Your Old Self: How Letting Go Creates Space for Who You're Becoming 

Have you ever looked around your home, your relationships, or even your own life and realized… none of it quite fits anymore?

In this deeply reflective episode of Star Women Rising, Melinda explores what she calls "The Snake's Journey"—the often uncomfortable but necessary process of shedding old identities, outdated beliefs, emotional baggage, and even physical possessions to make room for who you're becoming. 

Through personal stories of leaving a long career, questioning old systems, watching relationships naturally change, and discovering that even the objects in her home were quietly holding onto a version of herself she'd already outgrown, Melinda shares a powerful perspective on spiritual expansion.

Sometimes growth isn't about becoming someone new.

Sometimes it's about releasing everything that no longer belongs to you.

✨ In this episode, you'll discover:

•  Why personal transformation often feels uncomfortable before it feels freeing 
•  The surprising connection between clutter and emotional growth 
•  How your environment reflects old versions of yourself 
•  Why some friendships and relationships naturally fall away 
•  The spiritual meaning behind letting go of possessions 
•  How to recognize when you've outgrown a chapter of your life 
•  Why making space physically can create space emotionally and spiritually 

If you've been feeling restless, confined, or like your life no longer fits who you are becoming, this episode is a reminder that transformation often begins with release.

Your next chapter doesn't require becoming someone else.

It simply asks you to let go of who you no longer are.

🌸 About Chickology™
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Star Women Rising, where cosmic roots meet earthly power. I'm Melinda, and together we'll awaken the fire within and above, exploring intuition, soul wisdom, and the ancient truths written in the stars. This isn't about escaping the world. It's about remembering who you are and rising stronger in it. Star Women Rising is part of the Chicology Podcast Collective. Real women, real stories, rising together. Let's begin. Again, if you haven't already, check out those other shows from Chicology, those other podcasts. Something in it for everybody. So today, today I want to kind of share my experience. I guess, like I said, all of this is really my own, my own journey, my own experience, the my own epiphanies, realizations. I'd say conclusions, but there it doesn't con there's no conclusion because it's ongoing. Sometimes I'm here in the middle of something. Sometimes I don't have the language for it, and I'm trying to translate this experience into words. And sometimes that's that's very difficult. But regardless, this is this is my my journey, my experience. And then you know, I've come to the realization that I know I'm not the only one. I know I am not the only one that is going through some of these uh some of these interesting experiences, expansions, whatever you want to call it. But I the other day, it's usually something that that happens, some sort of aha moment that I that catches me, and I think, okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna talk about this because I know I know I'm not alone in this. I was I was going over this very, very profound transformation. And so sometimes I kind of equate it back to a few months ago or the past year, but it's it's it's been far longer than that. I just haven't always paid attention. Haven't always paid attention to the signs, the signposts, the things that were that were happening, pointing me in a different direction. I've mentioned, you know, we we made a very big move. Gosh, it's been like eight years ago now, and I quit my job. I wasn't old enough to retire. I quit that place. Quit dropped them like a hot rock, but I had some some things that had transpired that that told me, yeah, you need to get out of here. You don't wanna you don't wanna sit around and and wait for them to come back on you for standing up for what you felt was right. But even before that, I was noticing, you know, my kids in school, you know, there were things that were happening in the school systems, you know, my kids were I tried to to raise my kids to be somewhat of free thinkers and to make make choices. And sometimes I question whether or not I did the right thing if I gave them too many choices, but I wanted them to make choices and experience the consequences of those choices within reason, right? You obviously aren't gonna let your kid do something horribly dangerous, and the consequence is something horribly irreversible. But I I wanted them to have that experience, I wanted them to be free thinkers, I wanted them to explore their spiritual world. I think kids are far more connected, they haven't been programmed so much. So I I wanted them to have that experience, and I kind of noticed that the school system was stifling. I remember my daughter taking a test and she got a bad grade on it because she didn't she didn't answer the questions the way they wanted her to answer the quite answer the questions. And she, you know, she brought the test home, and I'm looking at one of the questions. It was, this poem makes me feel A, B, C, or D. And my daughter's response was, Well, it doesn't make me feel any of these ways, which to me is a totally reasonable response. But this I remember this because I came back at the teacher over this, and you know, how how do you give an A, B, C, D choices for something so deeply personal as you know, how a poem makes you feel? So totally ridiculous shit that was going on with the schools, you know, my sons doing reports, and you know, pick somebody who inspires you, but you can't pick these certain people, can't be Jesus, Malcolm X, or you know, whatever. Like they put these ridiculous parameters around it. So I was really starting to have my eyes open to how much I was not enjoying that aspect. And then I'm kind of going off on a sidetrack, but I'm sort of setting the stage for these things that just that were happening that I became acutely aware of, and I didn't like what I was experiencing, whether it was the schools, employment, you know, in my employment, I saw through the legal system, the criminal justice system, how a a trajectory that was that they were starting to take that I felt was very dangerous. So there was this this this eye-opening experience that told me that I needed to to move on, to get out of the place where I was at and find someplace else to live where I had hoped that my kids would follow, that my grandkids wouldn't be brought up in this very stifling system that tells you how to feel and how to think. And you know, it landed landed someplace totally different that was at the time more conducive to what I was looking for. I mean, I was I was I had outgrown. I had outgrown that that lifestyle. It was it was no longer no longer fit. It was no it was stifling. I felt like, you know, there was no room to grow in that particular setup. So we moved someplace that allowed for more growth. So it, you know, kind of shedded that. You know, the I titled this the snake's journey because it literally has been like you sh the you shed these old skins, the skin that used to have these old systems and these old ways of doing things, and you you just outgrow them. I mean, for a long time I kind of blamed the system, I blamed, you know, the setup. But really what was happening was I was outgrowing it or expanding beyond it. I for some reason outgrowing it doesn't fit. It's more like you're expanding beyond these uh these old systems, these old constraints, if that makes sense, makes sense in my mind. So we moved someplace where there was plenty of room for expansion. Personally, you know, personally, I've you know, I started learning new things, I started to try different things, but I was also going through a deeply transformative period that I didn't have the language for, and it felt like everything falling apart, everything that I thought I knew about whatever, my family, about myself, whatever, all of that was just coming apart, it was unraveling, uh, and I couldn't hold it together. I you know, try as I may. I'm trying to fix things, I'm trying there's no fixing this stuff. But I didn't know that. So I'm trying to hold it together. I'm trying to keep everybody together, I'm trying to make everybody happy. I'm putting up with bullshit that I would never put up with just to to keep the peace. I say I would never put up with, but I was putting up with it to try to keep peace and hold, you know, I'm trying to keep that that skin suit on, right? It's it was a comfortable discomfort. I thought it was comfortable, it it was what I knew. You know, the devil you know, right? So I'm I'm trying to hold this, hold this on, keep it, keep it on because it felt more comfortable than the unknown. You know, if if I shed this, if I let it go, then what's what's out there? What am I gonna be facing? Is it far worse? Is it far scarier, you know? Then there's you know, you kind of I think in that that process, you I think that is probably an area of life where people maybe will leave a situation that doesn't fit anymore, but then jump right back into another situation that you think is better, but it's really the same, you know, the same situation with different faces on it, different, you know. Uh for example, when when you start to outgrow things or expand beyond your your current setup, sometimes we think that it's you know, this like a relationship. This relationship isn't fulfilling. You know, what you're not thinking in terms of expanding so much beyond it, it's just not fulfilling. You got in you you you don't recognize the person that you you married or whatever that you hooked up with six or seven years ago or ten years ago, and you know it's uncomfortable, there's there's a lot of discomfort, things aren't going quite how you thought they would or how you wanted them to. And so you leave and then you jump into something that's pretty much the same thing. You just don't know it yet, right? It feels new, it feels exciting, and then at some point you go, man, this is this is kind of the the same setup, the same ridiculousness, the same lack of fulfillment, whatever the case. Same, you marry the same person, right? You didn't realize it, but you jumped right back into the same snarky, verbally abusive, or or whatever the case, same purpose, same person. So this expansive period for me, it was I I was really initially, I was thinking it was everybody else. Like, what is going on? The you know, losing friends, some of them are exploding, some of them are just quietly going away. Some of them are like ghosted, like you hear from them one day, and then you never hear from them again. And you can take it quite personally. It's like, but I was always looking at it outside of myself, like what is wrong with these people? And it wasn't until probably recently that I realized, oh, it wasn't, it wasn't them at all. It wasn't that they were wrong, wasn't that any any of this, any of these people were wrong. It was it had more to do with with me and where I was headed and shedding shedding this old skin, this old me. And some of these behaviors and some of these people and some of these circumstances don't really fit with where I am now. It's not personal, it's not personal. It's nobody's wrong for it. It's just I'm expanding beyond it. And if if you're really lucky and you wait a little bit and give it some time, you'll find that some of those people will will expand with you. You know, they're not it's not like they fall in line or you know what it's not like that. Your momentum, your expansive momentum will sometimes bring these these people along with you if that's if that's what they want, you know, if if that's what they choose. And I don't think it's necessarily a conscious decision always. It just sort of happens, you know. I I think I may have one friend that rides it out. I I think she's kind of like, I want to see where this is going. Yeah, I want to see where she's heading. And in that, maybe she's having her own expansive experiences. And this isn't a hierarchy. This isn't like I'm I'm not I'm not saying this as a I'm better, I'm not saying, you know, I'm above anybody. I'm saying I'm expanding. I am expanding, I'm my world is changing, I'm shedding these old identities, these old n stories, these old narratives, and I'm moving into something different where a lot of that stuff isn't necessary. And maybe you know, maybe in this shedding of the skin, you know, the the sh the snake doesn't shed its entire body, it sheds layers, layers of skin. And they say it's a very uncomfortable experience for the snake and makes them grumpy. I get that. I totally get that. I can't even tell you how, and you probably already know. If you're listening to this, you probably already know. It is very uncomfortable. It is a very difficult space to be in. It's it's personal for me. It's not anybody else, it's me. You know, it's you're you know that that sort of, oh, it's not you, it's me. That's clear, it's so cliche. That's kind of, you know, the the way of telling somebody that, yeah, I don't want to hang out with you, I don't want to be within with you anymore, I've moved on. It's not you, it's me. It really is not anybody else. It's me, but it's not in that sort of tacky, you know, I'm dumping you so I can find another version of you someplace else, sort of way. It's it gives me it it allows me to do to expand in a in a compassionate way or in a way that doesn't blame anybody or expect people to change their behaviors or for them to do things different. I just know that it, you know, my my world is changing. And it's it's been on every level. So what happened to me, the reason I bring this up is like I said, it's been ongoing. I haven't always been aware of what exactly was happening, the shedding. I just thought people were being assholes and you know, dipping out ghost to me behaviors. I started becoming super sensitive to to behaviors and the levels of unconsciousness. And I'm I'm not I'm not, you know, saying that in a holier than thou sort of way. And I hate that I have to keep justifying that, but I it's it's true. It's real that I'm I'm not looking down my nose at anyone. What I'm finding is I'm seeing these behaviors and I'm going, oh my god, have I ever been this way? You know, I can I can see in myself areas where I've been going through life unconsciously, but so I'm see I'm seeing it, but not to judge it. I'm seeing it to look at it in myself. And boy, I'm seeing a lot of it, right? I'm I'm looking around and sometimes like I I don't understand the level of of unconsciousness and and and what's going on. So this this expansive period or this shedding period is is just tremendously, tremendously uncomfortable in every aspect of my life. And so once when we moved, we landed in a in a place and then we brought our family out. Our family wanted to be here, so we kind of expanded our living spaces to accommodate that. And we we built a house, we put up a you know, nothing fancy. I didn't want fancy. Everything has a purpose, right? You you're brooding baby chicks in the bathtub or whatever. It's kind of it's not fancy, it's functional. And it's it's a pretty good size house, but I had been feeling like I don't have any space. I don't have any space in this house. I'm looking around and I'm going, how how come I feel so stifled here? Like I wanna, we should have got the upstairs. We should have had an upstairs, but on I just need space. I don't have any space here. This this house doesn't it it doesn't accommodate me. I don't it it's a very strange experience. I felt very uh stifled inside this this house. It's not a bad house, you know, it's a nice home. It's but I've just felt suffocated, suffocated in here. And this has been going on for probably a couple years. I'm just I'm like, oh I I you know, and I'm looking around. I've got stuff, I've got stuff everywhere. I'm not like hoarder status yet, I'm not quite hoarder, but I've just got stuff in random places, and my mind keeps saying, Well, I don't have any space, I don't have anywhere to put that. And getting angry, actually, just you know, angry at myself, like, you know, why can't I be more organized? Why can't I find a place to put this stuff? And I'm looking around and I'm there's just no place to put it. There's no space, there's no space for me in this home. And then go through this period too where the house is popping, the house keeps popping. And first I thought it was mystical, you know, there's a mystical reason for it. And then I think my husband was like, no, I think that's the siding uh from the heat expanding. But I mean, it's loud, it's loud, it'll happen in the middle of the night, and I thought maybe the house is falling apart. You know, did you check the foundation? I like I'm starting to feel like the house is is gonna fall apart around me, and just a weird, it's just a really weird experience in my home. Like this place where I should be comfortable, where I should feel peace, and I'm not. I'm not. I'm worried, I'm worried something's going on, it doesn't fit. I need I need an upstairs, I need more space. Can we put an addition? Uh something's wrong. Do I need to move out of here? And and and what's really funny is it's like I want I want to move out of here to a hut with nothing in it by myself. You know, I need it. I I told my husband, I need an 1100-foot she shed. And he said, honey, that's not a she shed, that's a house. I'm like, exactly. Like I I need space. And it just literally dawned on me probably two or three days ago that what I was requiring really was not because of the house. It was because of me. And the house has been screaming at me, right? It's been screaming at me, you've you've expanded, you've expanded. And what's here really represents that old skin. And it's not everything, it's not everything. And there, and I've had clues all along as I walk through the bedroom and I'd side-eye something that's been sitting on the nightstand for eight years and it's got six feet of dust on top of it, and then I I'd look at it, but I didn't have the capacity to to do anything about it. I wasn't quite there yet. So a few days ago, I I don't know, I don't know why this happened, but I happened to look up on the mantle and I saw a couple candles that I've had for probably 10 years. Okay, maybe not 10 years, but probably eight years that have, you know, that nice big thick layer of dust. And I thought to myself, I'm gonna start burning these candles. That I'm gonna start there. I'm gonna burn these candles because they they were gifts. They were gifts, they were given to me to burn, and I never burned them. I'm that person. I they're gifts, I keep them. I keep them forever. I am a sentimental person, but I don't even I don't even think I can justify it anymore with sentiment. I don't, I don't like to get rid of stuff. I have, you know, people gift me things if I really like it. And so I took two candles. I had one in my bathroom, one on the mantle, started burning them. And my thought process was I'm gonna burn these. I'm gonna burn them ever all day, every day until they are gone, and then I'm gonna throw out the containers. And in doing that, I started to look around my house and realize that my house is full of those types of things. And they have been screaming at me for a very long time now that it's time to go, it's time to move on, that they don't match the person that I have become, right? They haven't, they're not uh, they're not, they don't fit with the new me. They're it's it's part of the past. Not that they weren't great, not that they don't have their story, and not that I don't appreciate it. It's just it doesn't fit. And then it was like, no wonder why the house has been screaming at me and popping, and you know, I've got my house is decorated with stuff that was from everybody else, and it doesn't, it doesn't fit me. It doesn't uh it's not the person I am anymore, and that's okay. That's okay. So I went out. This is these are big steps for me. I don't know if anybody else is like that, but these are very big steps for me. I don't like to give away things that were gifted to me that that I found useful or purposeful or beautiful. I don't like to do that. And actually, when we moved out here, I had boxes and boxes of my kids' artwork in the attic, and my husband was like, This is ridiculous. We are not putting this on the truck. I was very sad. I I still wish I would have got rid of some other stuff as opposed to my kids' artwork, but that's that's okay. We're move we're moving on. So I walked out to the shop and I got a couple big garbage bags. The I at first I tried to get the little white ones, the little kitchen ones, and I was like, Yeah, that's not gonna cut it. Like literally, I caught myself trying to, you know, skimp on it, like, nope, you march your ass out there and you get those big green trash bags. You're we're gonna we're gonna hit the ground running. And I started to do an inventory and looking around of things that just that don't that don't fit me anymore, that are taking up emotional space, physical space in my life that need to move on. They either, you know, they need a new home or they can't burn the damn candles. Burn the candles, get rid of the jars, don't try to repurpose them, you know, recycle them, do whatever. I'm a repurposer. Oh, there's gotta be, you know, there's gotta be a use for this, you know, whatever. I went through it. There was no systematic process to it. I just would let my eyes land on certain things, and I'd have to kind of breathe with it for a second. And if it's telling me, you know, this is this isn't you anymore. This isn't you, then it went in the bag. I actually filled a trash bag for the trash, and I want, you know, I was like, okay, trash day is Wednesday. I want to I want to fill this bag and get it out so it's gone, right? I don't want to be out there in the middle of the night with a flashlight, you know, after everybody's asleep, digging in it, pulling shit out of it that I that I regretted throwing away. I wasn't gonna do it, but I I didn't I don't want to take that chance. Like, I really didn't want to take that chance that I'd be that person. No judgment here, but I just wanted it to go and be gone. And then I filled another trash bag of maybe I had some old things, I had some some old wards that I had in front of my doors. Like, you know what? I don't need that anymore. I don't I don't need the wards in front of my Door, you know, these little these little uh protective things. I don't need that. I don't need that anymore. I don't need the the psychological aspect of that protection. I'm I'm doing pretty good myself. I'm taking care of myself, protecting myself. So got rid of that. You know, just and there there's plenty of other stuff. My my eyes have landed on other stuff that I have unraveled myself from, you know, it's great story, great story behind that, great gift, great whatever. I bought this thinking I, you know, this was useful. And at the time it probably was, but I've expanded beyond it. I've moved in a different direction, and it's it's time to go. So I'm, you know, in shedding that that skin, I am looking around and seeing things in my home that represent a part of me that has long since gone away, that is that has moved on, and I have it. So I don't know if there's anybody else going through a similar thing, but uh literally this stuff was yelling at me, but I just didn't have the capacity. I didn't have the capacity to do anything with it yet. And then all of a sudden I thought I'm gonna burn these candles, like literally just out of the blue. The candle sitting up on the mantle with a muffled scream from the from the inches of dust saying, please, please burn me. I was given to you to burn, to enjoy, to enjoy my scent. Please burn me and let me go. Let me move on. And boy, that opened up, that opened up a doorway for me to listen to what else in my home was screaming at me that it's time to move on. It's time to move on. Doesn't fit, doesn't fit here anymore. So I am making space for myself now. I am making space for this new, this new version of me. Same me, same me, just another layer. I'm making space for this new version of me that is emerging. And all along, the house, the stuff has been screaming at me to move on, to to make space. Like you're you're outgrowing the the need for this stuff. Pass it on. Maybe somebody else is, you know, would enjoy it as opposed to it sitting here collecting dust and sometimes painful reminders. I had some rocks. This is a funny thing. I had some rocks that were sitting on my porch. The the babies like to bring me rocks, and I love it. They, you know, anything they'll bring me dead bugs. Nona, you know, can you can you help this dead bug to go with the ancestors? So I have a thing with dead bugs, and I'm gonna tackle that too. But these rocks were sitting on my porch, and these rocks were a painful reminder of a time long since gone, but a very difficult, rough time in my life. And I grabbed those rocks and I walked them down my driveway and I threw them across the road neutrally. I gave them back to the earth and let go. Like if you've got stuff hanging around that's a painful reminder. If you've got things around that you're outgrowing or you have long since outgrown, I'm giving you permission to get it out, move it on, give it to somebody else who might enjoy it, send it to the trash, throw it across the road. I feel so much better. And I that was only a start. I mean, I'm I'm having to do this in baby steps, and as as it comes to me, I'm doing it. No expectation. I'm just doing what I can when I'm compelled to do it, no pressure, no judgment. And I'm here to invite you to do the same because there is something in that process that has freed me. It's freeing, it's freeing to let go of that old skin. It's difficult while it's happening, but you shed that skin, expand it as into a different version of yourself. And it's it's important, I think, to to look around, to look around and see those things that are still trying to keep that skin tacked on. I mean, try, you know, I'm trying to it in my mind describe this experience, but it's definitely freeing. So if you're shedding skin, let it go. Let it go. Just expansion, just expansion. So having said that, thank you for joining me here on Star Women Rising. If today's conversation stirred something in you, trust it. That's your fire awakening. This podcast is part of the Chicology Collective where women everywhere are reclaiming their voice, their power, and their light. Be sure to subscribe, share this with a soul sister, and explore more shows under Chicology because we rise higher when we rise together. Until next time, keep reaching for the stars and rooting deep in your power.