S1:E8 How I Told My Husband: Polyamory, Confidence & Coming Out

It’s been a while… but I’m back—and we’re getting real. 💜

In this episode of Her Majesty’s Hideaway, I’m answering your questions about:
✨ Talking to your partner about polyamory
✨ Coming out as bisexual in a relationship
✨ Building real confidence (not the fake kind)
✨ Knowing when to grow together… or walk away

We’re also diving into support systems, counseling, and how to have the hard conversations that actually change your life.

If you’ve been holding something in… this is your sign. 👑

You don’t have to shrink.
You don’t have to stay silent.
You are allowed to want more.

Welcome back to the Hideaway, bestie. 👑

Thank you, my loves, for joining me here in Her Majesty’s Hideaway for a little tea and truth. I hope our time together leaves you feeling empowered, unbound, and wide-open to all the beautiful possibilities life keeps whispering your way.

Your questions and curiosities are always welcome—encouraged, actually. If something stirred inside you today,  tap the Jot Form link below. We can talk privately, anonymously, and far beyond the edges of this podcast.

This cozy corner of the kingdom is supported by my jewelry business, The Queen’s Vault on TikTok. If you ever feel called to support the magic, use code PODCAST on your next purchase to save a little sparkle money.

Both The Queen’s Vault and Her Majesty’s Hideaway are sacred, judgment-free spaces for authentic souls—places where you get to be real, be seen, and be fully embraced.

You are worth it.
You are cherished.
You are loved.

Until next time, my darling—go live boldly. 

https://sondrakiss.com/

https://form.jotform.com/253337751234153

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Welcome, darling, to Her Majesty's Hideaway. I'm Sandra. Once a stay-at-home mom and volunteer extraordinaire, now an empty nester living my most authentic, unapologetic life as an entrepreneur who happens to be poly, pagan, bi and kinky. Here I share how I stepped into polyamory and the wild, beautiful journey that's unfolded over the past few years.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Candid, honest, and a touch intoxicating. I'm not a therapist or a professional. Just a woman with a story to tell and a voice. I'm fucking afraid to use it.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

A gentle reminder: this show explores mature themes and includes explicit language. By listening, you're giving consent to join me in this space. If you're under 18 or uncomfortable with adult topics, please hit stop and thank you so much for coming.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

For those of you who wish to linger, curious, captivated, or just craving a little truth with your teeth, settle in, my darling. Story time is about to begin.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Hello friends, welcome back to Her Majesty's Hideaway. I know it's been much too long. I'm so sorry. Life be life, and sometimes you guys. And I did record an episode a couple weeks ago, and I just didn't love it. And I want to give you guys the very best. I have been focusing really hard on my jewelry business, working hard at my day job, being a mom, doing all the things, dating, being a wife, you know, like I said, life be life in. Well, welcome back. We're gonna do this a little more casual now. You know, when I first started doing this, I would get all dolled up like I was going on stage and I would be on camera, and I would be so focused on what I was doing on camera, I wasn't really focused on what I was saying. And to be frank, no one was really going over to YouTube and watching it anyway. You guys seem to like it here on Spotify. So we're gonna just stay here. So, like I said in the first episode, you know, picture us we're sitting in the castle and we're in this private room. Well, this is a private room, it's just you and I, and I am legit sitting here in my pajamas talking to you. So let's stay cash, let's keep it open and cool. And know that if you message me on the jot form, which you can find on my website, sandrakiss.com, it is 100% anonymous. Unless you want me to respond directly to you, then I need some mode of reaching out to you. But if you want to write to me and ask me absolutely anything about anything, please do, and I will put it here in the podcast so that you get your answer. Everyone can hear what we're talking about, and I will never ever ever mention that it was from you because, like I said, everything is anonymous and everything is private. I need a new chair. This one's so squeaky. Alright, so where do we get? Um, I'm gonna go over some questions I've been receiving from you guys. I hope that's okay. I know some of you I responded in private and we've talked and everything, but I thought it would be good to kind of recap what we've been doing in the first seven episodes since we're up to episode eight now. I can't believe it. Eight episodes of a podcast. How in the world did this happen? Thank you all so much. First question I've been getting a lot. How's Adam? Adam is fantastic, absolutely wonderful. We are having a great relationship. I know it's been over six months because not too long ago he said to me, What do you want to do for our six-month anniversary? And then life just happened and we both forgot about it and ended up not celebrating it, but we are still going strong. Go out to dinner. We end up going to dinner and talking literally for four to five hours at a stretch. We just have amazing conversation, we have a really great connection. So the daughter got to meet him in person briefly. He came to pick me up for a date, and he is daughter-approved, as he had been from the start. She knew how happy I was and actually said to me, you know, she could see how happy I am and how different this relationship is and has been from all the others. And so she said when she met him in person, she got an amazing vibe from him. You know, they had a brief conversation, not too long. And so it was really nice, nice to have them meet. He has not met hubby. There are no plans for him to meet hubby. Um, I did, however, meet his wife. We were both at a polyamory get-together group kind of thing, and he was not there. He knew we were both gonna be there. He had other plans that night, and so we went and, you know, we're doing the group thing or whatever, and then at the end of the night, she came over and we introduced ourselves and chatted briefly. And I was very relieved to know that when I got home I got a very good report card, and as I gave her one also. I'm looking forward to meeting her again in the future. I think we have a lot in common, and uh we'll get along great. But yeah, so parts of our family have met. It's been kind of cool. So on to the next question. Oh, and the other guy, bachelor number two, is gone. I um had to cancel plans back in January. Gosh, it's been that long since I've recorded. I needed to cancel plans with him back in January. I had a knee injury, and we never really kind of reconnected after that and just kind of lost touch. I messaged him, gosh, probably two weeks ago, invited him to hang out, and he said he'd get back to me, and I haven't heard from him, so I guess we are done there. No particular reason, just kind of drifted apart, and that's how things happen sometimes. All right, next question. So we've talked about hubby and daughter a little bit. People have been asking how did they feel about their episodes? They felt really good. Neither one of them really went and listened to their episodes in full, but they did get questions themselves from people, you know. Um, and not really a lot of questions, but more commentary on how brave they both were and how interesting it was that they were both so open and transparent. And, you know, a lot of people were really pleasantly surprised that they were as supportive as the picture I had been painting. So, like I told you guys, I am open, honest, and transparent as I can be. You know, sometimes I have to hide identities or keep things a little vague for the privacy of others. But when it comes to hubby and daughter, you know, what we say is what we mean. A lot of comments about the daughter, um, about how mature she was. Someone actually said to me that while they were listening, there were moments where they forgot that she was even my daughter because it sounded like two besties talking. And I can totally see that. I can totally hear that. We have a very open relationship. I also heard um from other moms that there's no way that their mom would have ever been that open with them, nor could they be that open with their daughter. Although I have heard from a few few people that the doors have opened a little bit more with their daughters and with their sons, and you know, they're finding the bravery to just say, okay, it's okay to talk to me about these things. I want you to know that I'm a safe space and you don't have to go looking outside our home. You can ask me anything, and that really humbles me. That makes me feel really um, I don't know, kind of proud. Does that sound awful that I'm kind of proud that I made that kind of impact, that kind of difference for somebody? Um it's just it's really really amazing to me that that affected people in that way. So for those of you who um mention that to me, thank you so much. It really it really means a lot. Um, one question I'm often asked is how are you so confident? Sometimes I am, and sometimes, you know, it's a persona. Sometimes I'm still that shy little kid in the back of the room that had been bullied. Sometimes I'm that girl in her twenties who um let herself be promiscuous in order just to get the attention of guys and was hoping that, you know, doing one thing or another would all of a sudden make somebody fall in love, and it never worked. So don't do that if you're a young woman or even an older woman or you know, anyone at any age, giving yourself over sexually does not mean that the person is ever gonna fall in love with you. It's not how it works. Um, trust me, from personal experience. My confidence came from a lot, a lot of years, a lot of different scenarios. Um by the time I graduated high school, because I had met the drummer and he was my first kiss, and he really made me be seen by the world differently. I had a little more confidence when I worked my first full-time job, and people didn't know me, and they got to know me for me and not for the geek that every that everybody put down at school. That made me a little more confident. Definitely working at the bank I worked at for eight years is where I gained a lot of confidence professionally, personally, sexually, um, as a woman, all the things. I started working there when I was 19. So eight years later, I was 27. I was engaged to be married. So a lot of growing up in those years, a lot, a lot of growing up. And I think a lot of my confidence came from the fact that I started out as that girl who would, you know, get used and use other people for what I thought was going to bring on long-term relationships and didn't, and ended up figuring out that that was not okay, that I should not be promiscuous like that, and I was worth more. And by the time I quit, I had, you know, met hubby and we fell in love and we've been together ever since. So, so yeah. Um, my confidence now comes from a different place. It comes from a place of going from being a young girl who was learning to being a mom who was learning how to be a mom out in the world and to raise a daughter who was confident and to making friends out in the world through different things. Um, volunteering, Girl Scouts, PTO, cheerleading, bowling. I my gosh, I have oodles and oodles of friends for 30 plus years just from bowling. And a lot of my confidence came from watching them, learning from them, and just knowing that they liked me for me, which was a whole new thing for me. You know, I still was not always secure in how I looked, I still was not always secure in who I was, but over time it became really clear. Um, there were times where I got too confident and it turned into cockiness, which really just makes you into an asshole. And I've been there, done that, and it's part of life and it's part of learning and growing. Um, I wasn't really promiscuous during that time because I like I said, I was engaged, I was getting married and then married and a mom. And then when my parents passed away and I presented polyamory to hubby and dating and everything, my confidence really, really hit when I started doing TikTok and I started making content and people were receptive to it, you know. Men were interested, women wanted to know more. They were, you know, how do you do that? How do you just do that? And you know what? I was just like, you know, I just do. And whatever happens, happens. Because at that point, you know, I'd lost my parents, I had been their caretaker, I had been their executor, I had a lot going on, and I needed a place to let go, and it was the perfect place to just make a music video or, you know, shake my tatas for a minute and have fun with it. And the fact that, you know, people were receptive. And there were some that, you know, they were like gross about it or whatever, and they had to be kicked to the curb, but there were others who really uplifted me and really helped me to figure out who I am now. My confidence now comes from a place of being able to be out, being able to talk to all of you, um, knowing that so many of you are so receptive to hearing my story and want to ask questions and want to know more. It makes me confident in knowing who I am and that it makes a connection with people. I feel like I'm saying um so much, but I'm really just going off the cuff by this list of questions. Confidence is a hard thing for me. I feel like I'm confident in my day job because I know I do well there and I'm a supportive and good team member. I'm confident in my abilities as a mother because my daughter, you know, is a decent person. Has she made mistakes? Absolutely, but show me a 21-year-old who hasn't. Um, you know, I'm I'm a good wife. I stuttered on that, but I am. I'm a good wife. My husband and I, like every couple, if you are not having problems, then you're either lying about it or there's so many problems under the surface that you're not even paying attention to them. You're just kind of being roommates together. I'm good at being a friend. I'm a good listener. As much as the talking that I do when I'm live streaming on TikTok or I'm making content, or I'm here talking to you in the Her Majesty's hideaway. I was gonna say in the hideaway, you know, I do a lot of talking, but it's because I get so much interest that I, you know, you guys want to hear this. So my confidence comes from a multitude of places. And I think all of us have it in us. I think it's just a matter of embracing it. I think it's a matter of just waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and saying, you are a bad bitch and you've got this, and just knowing that you do. And whether it's one little thing, like being able to go to the coffee shop and order a coffee, you know, and not being shy about it and telling them exactly how you want it. That's difficult for some people. It was difficult for me for a long time. You know, I would just order it straight off the menu and take it the way I didn't like it because I was too shy to say, no, I don't want that. I want this. So it is a big deal, guys. So if you have a trouble, have a trouble. If you have trouble with confidence or you feel like you're not confident, that's a good place to start. Just opening up and talking to people. We look for our confidence in others. And it's something we really have to find within ourselves. It's something we really have to sit down and write down. What are the things I really like about myself? What are the things I would love to change? Not things I dislike, but what are things I would love to change? Like if I could change this or that, if I could change my hairstyle and be more brave with it, if I could change the way I speak to so-and-so, you know, and make little changes along the way. And then you'll find that confidence builds more and more over time. And by that's in the next time you know, by the time you turn around, you're gonna be a whole different person. And it's an amazing, amazing feeling. I'm confident because I know who I am and I know what I want, and I've gone after it and gotten it, and I have a supportive family, I have a supportive, extended family, I have a supportive community, and while I don't look for my confidence in others, it does help me to be confident to know that I must be doing something right because so many people are supportive of it. So, next question, uh which I've answered a couple times, but I'm always happy to go over again. How did you approach hubby with the idea of polyamory? Um, very carefully, very carefully, very cautiously. Um it was something that I had to be confident, I had to be brave, I had to make a change in my life. I was at a crossroads. Either I was going to start having my needs fulfilled, or I was gonna have to move on and figure out how to fulfill them afterwards. Because I couldn't stay stuck in the box that I was in. I absolutely could not. I'm a totally different person now. Not totally different in the fact that I'm not as compassionate, caring, good family member, good sister, things like that, but different in the way I carry myself now. Um, so how did I approach hubby? I did research, I read up, I watched YouTube videos, I watched a lot of shows on polygamy because there really weren't any at the time about polyamory. There were podcasts, there were YouTube videos, and so I took those into account. I talked to other people on social media about how they do it. And so I really gathered a lot of information. There was a there's a show on Netflix, it's called Sex Backslash Life, and it's a series about this woman, and she's married, and she finds this guy she used to date, and they used to have like really hot sex, and they start chatting on social media and stuff, and she starts writing this journal, and her husband finds the journal one day and gets really upset, and she goes and meets the ex-lover, and you know, it ends up being kind of like a polyamorous kind of uh situationship. So I was in this polyamory polyamory group chat on social media not too long ago, and someone said, Are there shows that have all this in it? And so there is one coming out with Jason Bateman and Hopper from Stranger Things, which I'm really excited to see. I don't think that's the total focus, but it has a lot to do with swinging and polyamory from the previews, so I'm excited about that. Like I said, there's sex life. Um, all the polygamy shows will not really tell you about polyamory, but they will give you an idea of what it's like to have more than one person that you care for. Um sometimes how you have to kind of juggle because you might be having friction in one relationship and not in the other, and you don't want to carry that, you know, from one to the other. So, anyway, back ha to how I approached hubby. Like I said, I did the research, got my thoughts together, and I kind of sneakily did it at first because I was watching that show on Netflix, which was what made me bring it up in the first place. And so I turned an episode on at a very distinct point where I knew it was gonna catch his attention and that it was gonna start explaining the situation. So he watched it and he understood it, and we kind of chatted about it, like, oh, what do you think? Like, do you think we could ever da-da-da? And he's like, Why am I not good enough? Immediately. That was I mean, who wouldn't respond like that, right? Like, we've been together over 25 years, and now all of a sudden you're telling me I'm not enough. And I'm like, it's not that you're not enough, it's just that I need spicier things, and you're not willing to do that. And so I'd really like the opportunity to figure out how I can go and do that, and we survive getting through it. So that's when the deliberation started, and it was a couple days before I brought it up again. I didn't want to keep harping on it. It's not something we stayed up all night talking about all the time, but it was definitely something that I brought up a lot. There was a podcast on Spotify I listened to, and they were swingers, but it still kind of helped me make the point. So he and I were going on a road trip and I turned it on as he was a captive audience, you know. And again, that opened the lines of communication. I think social media and TV were definitely a big help in kind of springing things off. And so one day I said to him, I said, you know, I'm really serious about this. I really want to get on a dating app, and I'd really like to start looking at people, and I really want to talk about this. And so we did. We talked about it seriously for weeks. I mean, I feel like it probably was almost two months. It was definitely at least three months time from when I started showing him the program on TV to when we really like sat down with the daughter and said, Okay, Daddy and I have talked about this, and what do you think? And people still think that's insane. And some people are like, you know what? Now that I've heard it and I've heard her perspective on it, I get it. They're like, at first it just sounded so bonkers to me. And I'm like, I understand that. Not a lot of parents are open with their kids like that, but there was no way in hell I was gonna let her find out by accident that mommy was out on a date and have to explain everything when she's already crushed, knowing that mommy's doing something that is so against society's rules. Even though we've never really, well, we raise her to know the difference between right and wrong, but we've also raised her to have an open mind and to be open to new ideas. So the fact that society said, oh, you really shouldn't do this, and religion said, oh, you really shouldn't do this, didn't really play a tremendous factor. It was more about the judgment of other parents, other families in town, stuff like that, which was another reason that we kept it quiet for so long. Then once she graduated and, you know, was off and is now an adult, it's a whole different story, it's a whole different ballgame. Um and so, yeah, that's how I approached it with hubby. And I implore anyone who's been thinking about it, you know, if it's something that's on your mind a lot and you can't let it go, then you need to talk about it. And there are counselors out there, and if you need help getting in touch with someone, um, I know someone who does that for a living. They're an actual certified counselor. You know, um, they went to school, did all the things, and they do sex therapy and couples therapy and all the things. And so I would be more than happy to maybe put you in touch with them and they could either help you go through it or would know someone in your area that could help you through it. And you could, like I said, you can always hit me up anonymously and you and I can talk about it as well. But don't wait. You know, I I regret waiting so long to become who I am now. I know everything happens for a reason, and I know people get grossed out when I say that the fact that my parents died kind of gave me this freedom, but it just did. It just did. I didn't have to live up to their expectations. I didn't have to worry about what they were gonna think. And I do know that their spirits are with me, and I communicate with them. A lot of you know that I go ghost hunting, and you know in my pagan world that I am very spiritually mo motivated. That's that's like my thing. But I feel that they're both okay with it because they know that hubby and daughter are okay with it. Do they like it? No. But they're okay with it. They're glad that I'm happy and that I'm in the place that I am now. Next question. Um, the polygroup. The polygroup was really amazing. I've only gone once because I just discovered it recently. I'm anxious to go again. There was probably close to about a dozen people there, male and female, some were couples. Most of us were there just by ourselves, and it was a place where we could just talk about dating and the people that we're dating and what we're doing, and you know, be around people who get it. Because as closeted as everyone thinks it is, it's so broad, and at the same time, it's so difficult to find people to communicate with off of social media, like actually in real life, and sit down and have coffee and chat about it. And so it was definitely something. If you've been thinking about going into polyamory and you're still not sure, it's another great resource. You know, you can look them up on FetLife, on Facebook. I believe there are some on Instagram, I mean any social media outlet. Just look up polyamory in my area, and I'm sure you'll be able to find something or someone. Um, next question. I had someone come to me and say, you know, let's talk about your bisexuality. Absolutely, let's do it. How many partners have you had? Um my female bisexual partners, probably about six. Some were more in-depth than others, let's put it that way. Most of them were just like a onesie-twosie kind of thing. I mean, I say bisexual because I really enjoy being with women, but someone said to me, You really shouldn't use that label if you hadn't had a relationship with a woman. And I'm like, well, does that make me bisexual officially? Or does that make me a lesbian? So I use bisexual because I enjoy both sexes. If that's wrong, I apologize, but I really don't know how else to describe it. You know what I mean? So, anyhow, my bisexuality. Um, yeah, I've had partners, I've had a great time. Would I like to have more? Yes. Would I like to date a woman steadily? Absolutely. I've been thinking about getting back on the app. It's something I need to discuss with hubby and daughter and Adam. And, you know, make sure everyone is out in the open and everyone's being transparent. I don't think any of them would have a problem with it. It's just that when you're polyamorous, that's what you do. You are open and you're transparent and honest with everyone. So this person wanted to know how I told Hubby that I was bisexual. Well, first off, hubby knew I was bisexual because he and I used to go to gentlemen's clubs together and he knew how much I enjoyed, you know, the female body and getting lap dances and private dances and having those moments and how badly I wanted to be with a woman and how much I would enjoy it. Unfortunately, he missed it. He was not there when it happened the first time, nor has he ever been there to see me be with a woman. I know this is getting to be TMI, guys, but this is how this podcast goes. You got warned in the beginning. Um, it was always a pleasant thing. I've never been, you know, I haven't had any regrets being with women. Some of them was another woman and I and another gentleman, which made it even more fun. And so this person who approached me wanted to know how they could embrace their bisexuality and not upset their husband and say to their husband, I really want to do this and I would love to do it with you. And so my advice to them was, you know, go maybe on an overnight or out to dinner, maybe a long day trip, you know, while you're in the car, just kind of chat about your sex life and how things are, and talk about maybe some fantasies that you've had, and said, you know, how would you feel if I invited a woman into our bedroom? And most times guys will laugh and they'd be like, oh, that'd be great, you know, whatever. You know, and they don't really take it seriously. Sometimes they do. They're like, really? Oh my God, that would be amazing. And then you just open the conversation from there. Um, I did hear back. She did take the advice. She and Hubby went out on a date and they had a really great discussion, and he was kind of open to it. And I'm kind of sad because I haven't had any update since then, but it's not really my business to go and knock on the door and be like, hey, did you do it? What's going on? But um, yeah, she's super cute. If we lived closer together, I mean, I'd ask her out for sure. And hubby's not too shabby either. So he's definitely my type, that's for certain. Anyhow, back to helping her find her way. So, yeah, so I advised, you know, find a quiet, private place for the two of you where you're both comfortable and things are relaxed and you can just talk. And so they went out to dinner and had a really nice discussion. I don't think it was in the restaurant. I think she said they talked afterwards because sometimes it can be a little uncomfortable for people to talk about sex in a restaurant. It's not for me. I'll talk about it anywhere. Just fair warning. So if you ask me a question in public, I'm gonna answer the question in public. So I was really happy for her. She brought it up to him. He seemed open to it. Like I said, I don't know if it has happened, if they're still talking about it or what. But it made me feel really good to hear back from her and know that she was able to open that door of communication with her partner. And I think that would work either way. I know gentlemen who would love to be with another gentleman, and there's such a stigma on it. Oh my gosh, there's such a stigma. Like, why society is like completely doused in two women doing it, but two men doing it is so taboo still. Like, just blows my mind. Have none of you watched um hated rivalry? Like, my gosh, that was like the most hockey porn ever. It was like the most gay porn I've ever watched, but it was so romantic, it was so well done, it was so good. And I was just so proud of those actors and everybody who put their heart into that beautiful piece of art because I have friends that are in the LGBTQ community, and so many of them are like, oh my gosh, this is what we've been needing. Our voice is finally out there, like really out there, you know, like Jack and Will and Grace and all them, like that was great. But like this really showed the emotional, scary, stigmatized side of everything. And oh, it just touched hearts. It really did. I'm hoping that they stay on track with the second season and they don't make it really hokey and weird. I hope they stay on that really good track that they were on. Um, so yeah, I know there are gentlemen out there who would love to say to their wives, you know, I'd like to try this or that. And I think that you should. I think way more women are more open to it than you think there are. I think they just want to see you happy. I think any partner, right? They just want to see us happy, they just want to see us doing the things that we love, the things that are gonna make us comforted and content and just complete as a person. You know, the apps are hard. They are hard to meet people on. It took me forever to find Adam. And I can tell you, I keep a file of everyone I've ever met on a date. I keep any pictures I was able to find, any information I have about them. It's all on my devices, and it's on all of my devices in case one goes missing. Um, and I went and I looked, and I dated. Oh my god, this is gonna sound so slutty because I didn't sleep with all of them guys. I dated close to 50 people, maybe 60. I think it was closer to 60 people before I met Adam. And now keep in mind that's over a span of four years, tier two. So do the math. It's not like I went out with 60 people in 30 days. Holy Hanna, that would be something. But yeah, it's it's hard enough to be ourselves in society. If we can't be ourselves at home with the one person on earth we trust the most, then where can we be ourselves? That was the scariest part, was just being myself to hubby, like really opening up and being like, hey, I want to go out, I want to get some spicy sex, I want to do all these, you know, BDSM things that I've been seeing and I'm so excited about, and I want to be with women and I want to travel and I want to go meet people. And he was like, Okay, if that's what makes you happy, go and do it. I will be here when you get back. And honestly, well, like we said in his episode, he looks forward to his time alone when he can watch whatever he wants on TV and eat all the snacks that he wants because I'm not there nagging him or, you know, play his video games and yada yada. Like he actually enjoys that time now. Whereas before we were always with each other and we had nothing to talk about. And so it has strengthened our relationship, just that honest conversation, just me taking that one small baby step and saying, Hey, I need to try something different. And I think you should do that too. I really do. And like I said, if you need somebody to listen, text me, email me, DM me, call me, you know, I will give you my business number, and you can call me, you can text me, you can reach out to me, and we'll talk about it. And I will just sit and listen, or you can ask me a question and I can sit and talk about it for 35 minutes, because look at where we are now. We're 35 minutes in, and it was like five questions. I mean, I guess that's not a lot, it's like seven minutes per question. But I think this last one, despot, definitely has lasted the longest. But yeah. My friends, my darlings, if there's something in the back of your mind and you can't get it out, it's time. It's time to approach your partner. No matter what happens, they're still gonna love you. They are. They're gonna say, Oh my god, I can't be in love with you anymore. I can't believe you, don't want to go do this. But deep down they're still gonna love you. It's just hard at first to hear that your partner needs something else. It really is. If hubby would have come to me and said, I need to go date other women, you know, that are a size four and are nurses and our corrections officers and police officers, because that's what he truly finds sexy, I would have been devastated. But that's because I wasn't confident in who I was, and I didn't know that I could be who I am. Now that I'm this person, I would love for him to go out and date. He's talked to some people online, but nothing is taken off, and he's just really not interested. He's content with his life the way it is, and I'm happy for him. And he likes to hear about, you know, how Adam and I went out and we had a good time, and we'd talk about some things that, you know, are not too deep. What we ate, where we were, what went on in the restaurant. Maybe if we talked about something that's going on in society, we'll talk about it. But other than that, he doesn't really want to know any details. He just wants to know that I'm happy, and I'm sure that your partner wants the same for you. It's not easy, my friends. It's not easy. It's scary as fuck, to be honest. But it was so worth it. Because what if it even goes the other way? What if it even goes to the point where like they up and leave you and you've lost them? It's gonna hurt. It's gonna sting. But change is painful. You know, hubby and I deliberating all those months, it was painful. Because we would cry and we would debate, and there were times where, you know, I don't want to say we would argue, but we had really heated discussions. And so getting through that really helped make us stronger. But had he turned around and said, you know what, I can't do this, and we would have split up, then that would have opened a whole door, whole new door for me, a whole new world. I would have been free to do whatever I wanted. Is that so bad? I know, ponder that for a second. What if you could just be free? And you don't have to worry about what the other person thinks or says. You can just be yourself out there in the world and make new friends and have new relationships. Because even though we've been with someone, you know, 10, 20, 30 years, we get so used to being with that person that we're so scared to change it. It's like being at the same job for a long time. Well, I have all these benefits and I don't want to lose my vacation time. And what if I don't like my new boss? What if you love your new boss more? What if you find someone who really embraces all the things that are lacking in you right now? All the things that you really want to go out and try. You know, you really want to go have that chocolate ice cream with the jalapenos in it because you're so tired of the vanilla. What if you find that person? What if you find you along the way? Is that really so bad? It'll be painful for a minute, but you and your partner will find your way. And I think a lot of times these days, because relationships are so evolved and society is changing a little bit. I mean, we see it all the time. Divorced parents that are friends with the new stepmom and the stepdad, and everybody gets along and the blended families, and you know, it's not the way it was 30 years ago, 20 years ago. People are allowed to evolve. You are allowed to grow, you are allowed to change, and no one and nothing should stop you from that. You know, and you're sitting there thinking, well, we have kids together and we have this life and we have this house and this mortgage and all the things. Yeah, you do. There are millions of people that do, and they split up and they make it work every single day, and you can too. And who knows, maybe you'll have the same kind of outcome that I did, where your partner's like, okay, I don't want that for me, but I want that for you. Or maybe they want that for themselves. Because I've talked to other poly people and their partners brought it up, and they immediately were crushed, and oh my God, and why? And no, absolutely not, and I'm not gonna do it, and this and that, and da-da-da-da-da. And some of them went to counseling, and the counselor's like, I seriously advise that you try this because if not, your relationship is not going to make it. You will not survive this because your partner has needs, those needs are not being met. And so you need to find a way to compromise and make this work. Find a counselor, talk to your partner. You can do this. There is a big, beautiful, fulfilling world out there waiting just for you, my friend. Thank you for listening. I'm gonna let the closeout play now. I'm hoping it does not take me as long to do another episode. But no promises, kids. It makes it much easier when I hear from all of you, when you give me your comments and your concerns and your questions, because then I have something to bounce off of and to really get up and go. Because I really want to make this about us. It's not about me telling my story over and over again. It's about you all and us together growing and learning. So please, please reach out to me anytime, any way you know how. I'm always here in the hideaway. Thank you, my loves, for joining me here in Her Majesty's Hideaway for a little tea and truth. I hope our time together leaves you feeling empowered, unbound, and wide open to the beautiful possibilities life keeps whispering your way. Your questions and curiosities are always welcome. Encouraged, actually. If something stirred inside of you today, hop on over to my website, tap that drop form, and we can talk privately. Anonymously, and far beyond the edges of this podcast. This cozy corner of the kingdom is supported by my jewelry business, the Queen's Vault, on TikTok. If you ever feel called to support the magic, use code podcast on your next purchase to save a little sparkle. Both the Queen's Vault and Her Majesty's Hideaway are sacred judgment-free spaces for authentic souls to be real, be seen, and be embraced. Remember, you are worth it. You are love, free mom hugs here always. Until next time, my darling, go live boldly.