Bookshop Bombshells

Talking Crustaceans and Turkey Bowling

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0:00 | 52:03

This episode, Elizabeth covers Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore, one of her favorite books by one of her favorite authors. Andrea goes on a weird journey with the The Hike by Drew Magary. 






SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Bookshop Bob Show. Look at us.

SPEAKER_05

Look at us go.

SPEAKER_01

Saying stuff at the same time. I really thought we could do it.

SPEAKER_05

I didn't. I feel like I've kind of messed that up.

SPEAKER_01

That's alright. Um, so this is a podcast where we each read a book and we tell you about it.

SPEAKER_05

And we don't spoil it.

SPEAKER_01

Um and yeah, it's about it. Huh. Yeah. It's um anything interesting happened to you this week? This last two weeks?

SPEAKER_05

Not really.

SPEAKER_01

I've been having I've still been like really struggling with the audiobook train. So like my audiobooks are the side books that I listen to when, you know, because obviously this podcast is like you guys hear about all the books that I'm reading. So I like any book that I want on the side. I audiobook. So I try to listen to Lost Gods. Oh yeah, and did it end up I was struggling, like paying attention. Yeah. And I don't know if there's just like too much shit going on in my life that like my head just wasn't and I and I I was just like I was like, I'm not doing this book justice by listening to it. So I think whenever I do pick it back up, I'm gonna read it, and I think I'm gonna start over and read it. Um because I did like it. I just like would like I listen like driving to work and stuff, and I'm just like, I have not been paying attention for the past like ten minutes. What is even happening? And yeah, I just felt like I was not doing that book justice. So I think my audiobooks need to be more like just those fluffy fun books. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

That's kind of where I'm at because I've tried to start like two or three audiobooks uh since we've talked last, and I have I've gotten maybe an hour in and been like, I think I I don't know what's happening, I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_01

I did start one, so my friend Emily, who I talk about a lot, because she's she reads a lot, she always texts me about um her books. She recommended one that I'm really into because I told her about she was the one that told me about play nice, and then I went on that Rachel Harrison kick, which I think I called her Kim Harrison last time, which I feel dumb for saying that because Kim Harrison is that one author with the vampire yeah, like the what was it called? Urban fantasy. What was that section we called it? Uh it was something like that. Yeah, it was like it was like dark alleyway looking type books.

SPEAKER_05

It had its own little spot, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um so Rachel Harrison, so she just read Black Sheep and she really liked it. Um and was texting me about it, and I was telling her I actually really liked Cackle from Rachel Harrison, and she was like, Yeah, I heard that one isn't very scary, and I was like, Yeah, it's like we were called it cozy horror. Um, and so she recommended in the like kind of vein of cozy horror this book called The September House by Carissa Orlando. Oh, and I am really enjoying that book so far, and it's a good audiobook listen. Good. Like it's not, you know.

SPEAKER_05

I finished Play Nice. Oh, yeah. How did you like the last full audio book that I listened to? Did it help your mental health at all?

SPEAKER_01

Because I feel like it definitely uh could mess with that.

SPEAKER_05

I I enjoyed the story a lot. Yeah. Uh the audiobook was really good. Like it was one that I didn't struggle to keep paying attention to.

SPEAKER_01

She's real good for the audiobooks.

SPEAKER_05

It's a little uh got me a little bit, but I I I don't think it was it scary? Did you get scared? I was like unnerving. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I think that was what Emily had said about Black Sheep, was that it wasn't necessarily scary, it was unsettling. And that's how I felt about the return. Like the return gave me like the icks. Gotcha. Like the heebie jeebies. Like it was like, like, oh, this is crazy. But the play nice, certain, like I said, uh certain scenes in play nice were kind of scary to read in the dark. Yes.

SPEAKER_05

I'm pretty sure I listened to it in daylight always. Yeah. So smart. Um, but no, it was it was really good. I really enjoyed it and it made me just kind of want to listen to more of her audience.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, she's good. I like her. I I think I'll pick her back up. I kind of was trying to take a break from her because I felt like I just I mean, I l literally listen like read a book and then listened to three of her books in a row. But then like every book I've picked up since I haven't really been into. I know there's one, she's got a vampire one, and I think like a werewolf one. There's like such sharp teeth or something like that. And then there's another one that's like so thirsty.

SPEAKER_05

I think I think it is called So Thirsty.

SPEAKER_01

So I'll probably, you know, maybe after the September house, I'll probably get back on Rachel Harrison. I I do like her a lot. She's very fun, she's fun. Entertaining, fun.

SPEAKER_05

She she I how did you word it? She's a girl's girl. She's a girl's girl. She knows a girl.

SPEAKER_01

She knows how to write for a girl. I appreciated that. Yeah. I feel it. Like so many times I'm like, yep, that's me. She knows me.

SPEAKER_05

She knows me. Um, let's see. Anything else?

SPEAKER_01

No. Um, I can go ahead and get started. It's my turn to go first this week.

SPEAKER_05

What'd you read?

SPEAKER_01

Um, so I cheated. And I've been I've been wanting to do this one for a while, uh, but it is the one that I've read before, and it's one that I've read like multiple times before. What is it? Because it's one of my favorite. It's a series, and you know this author. Stop Blood Sucking Fiends by Christopher Moore.

SPEAKER_05

I almost did uh Dirty A Dirty Job.

SPEAKER_01

I'm trying to get my husband to read a dirty job because he he was looking for I he just listened to, or I think he he does a read and listen, but he just finished The Road.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I think that was really depressing for him. And he was like, he was like, I need something lighthearted. And I told him, I was like, you would really like a dirty job. Um so I'm trying to get him, and the audiobook on that is great. Oh yeah, I've listened to the audiobook. Yeah. Same with these books. Um, I probably listen to these books like every other year. That's about how I so I And same with Dirty Job, Second Hand Souls is the second in that series.

SPEAKER_05

They're great. Um I have amazing. Bloodsucking theme. So I tell me.

SPEAKER_01

I sort of thought, so this book was written in 1995, 1995. So it's older than Twilight. Nice. I sort of kind of sort of thought this is this is how naive I am. I thought that this was sort of a response to the love vampire craze.

SPEAKER_05

Got it.

SPEAKER_01

But it was actually But I'm realizing the Love Vampire Craze has been around since Dracula.

SPEAKER_05

It has.

SPEAKER_01

It's literally not Twilight didn't start anything. Like it's been here. Um, and so I think this is kind of, yeah, it's it's it's a love story. Um I that's actually the the the um subtitle is Bloodsucking Fiends, a love story. Um so Christopher Moore, he's done a lot of good books. What was the first book you read by him? Was it you read Lamb, right?

SPEAKER_05

Uh Lamb was the last book I've read by him.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

I read a dirty job first.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Because Lamb is also really good, um, which it's so it's the gospel according to Biff, Christ's childhood pal. So the kind of the premise of Lamb is um in the Bible uh you only get like baby Jesus and like 30-year-old Jesus, and you don't you don't get the like time in between. So it tells the story of Jesus through his best friend Biff. It's very funny. Um and then a dirty job also. Uh I've heard a couple other ones. He's he's sort of hit or miss on some.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Some are a little bit too silly. He's very funny, like he's um hilarious. But I love um this, so blood sucking fiends and dirty job, a dirty job in particular, I love because they take place in the same universe. So a lot of the same characters, I didn't there's crossover. That at all. Because I haven't read so um there's actually, if you remember, in I think it's Second Hand Souls, the second one, um a woman comes in, a red-headed woman comes into his shop, and she uh has like a thing that she feels like belongs to him, and they basically like have this like connection of like, oh, you're someone special, like you're not of this earth, basically. And they have this like sort of like connection. That is Jody from Bloodsucking Fiends.

SPEAKER_05

That is way cool.

SPEAKER_01

And um, the Emperor, who is uh the like homeless man from he is also in Bloodsucking Fiends. So Bloodsucking Fiends actually starts out with the Emperor, who I can't remember what his like full title is. He's like the Emperor of San Francisco, Protector of Mexico or something.

SPEAKER_05

It's something crazy.

SPEAKER_01

It's something like that. Um, and he's got these two dogs, Bummer and Lazarus. One is like a bull, what's it called? Like a French, no, French bulldog. I feel like it's his little yappy dog with the squishy noses, but not a pug. Maybe it's a bull terrier, something like that. Oh, Boston Terrier. That's Boston terrier. Um, and then Lazarus is um like a golden retriever. And so he is this um famous homeless man in San Francisco that I would love to think is a real person, but I I think he made, I think Christopher Moore made him up. Um but basically, so that's how uh Bloodsucking Fiends starts out. They introduce the Emperor. Um he encounters a pale, dark-haired uh man with fangs, like emerging from a dumpster in the alley. Um his dog bummer is just like barking crazily at this man. And you know, he's like, you know, terrified. Like he sees him, he's like scared, and the guy is like, I'll let you live. Like that's your um payment or something. Like, like it's just this weird interaction between the emperor and um this pale man. Um so then we meet Jodi. She is 26 years old, she is an insurance clerk, and uh she's walking home from work, and there's like a man following her, and she's like doing the thing of like, should I cross the road? Like, like, how do I get away? How do I get away? Um, and she ends up getting attacked by this man. Um, he forces her to drink his blood, he bites her in the neck. Um, she wakes up the next morning and she's in an overturned dumpster. Her hand is like left outside the dumpster and it's like burned to a crisp. Because of the sun. Because of the sun. Um, and uh so she like wakes up, she has no idea what happened. Um, she has like a ton of money stuffed in her shirt. Like I think it was like a hundred thousand dollars or something like that. Um and she starts noticing like these weird things are happening. Like she sees like heat signatures on people, and she even like she gets on the bus to like go home and she sees someone with like so everyone has these like what she calls like healthy looking like heat signatures. There's some people that have not like dark, uh like it's like a heap at the like I picture it as like a like a circle with like a black hole in the absence of an absence of color in their heat signature. Um, and she just like kind of knows instinctively that these people are like sick. So this is like 1995 San Francisco. Um like HIV AIDS is like a big thing still. Um, so that comes into play. Okay. Um so uh Jody goes home to her apartment where she lives with her boyfriend Kurt. Uh Kurt is like a stocks guy, like um what it like an investment banker or something. Um and he's like pissed at her for like not being home. Like her her car, like she didn't she didn't come home in time to move her car for like uh street sweeping or whatever, so it like got impounded, and he's just like, I can't believe you're doing this to me. Like he's like very much like a dick.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think he's hot, like he's like a hot dick, so that's like why she, you know, she you can tell that like Jody puts up with a lot. Yeah, like she she has like low self-esteem. She like, I mean, this guy's hot, so she probably thought it was okay. All of like she's not she's just now realizing like how big of a dick this dude is. Um when she's just like scared and she's hurt, she you know, her hand is burnt to a crisp, she doesn't know what happened to her. Um she uh finds out that she's actually been missing for two days. Oh so he's like, you haven't come home for two days. And he's like pissed at her and she's like, you know, upset. Um so she has this sort of like moment of um just like rage in talking to him. Like she just like snaps. Uh and she knocks Kurt unconscious with a potted plant. Nice. And she doesn't actually realize what's going on, but like her fangs come out and she like starts like drinking his blood. Um and she's like, this all just sort of happens without her, like being able to drink. Yeah, like consciously doing it. Um and whenever she like kind of comes to and she's like, oh crap, like what am I doing? Um she like realizes that her hand is like healing. After drinking, it's um and uh she's like also starting to notice like new things like she can like see in the dark and blah blah blah. Um so she's like sort of putting two and two together, like this guy did something to me. I think I'm a vampire. Oh no, oh no, I think I'm a vampire. Um okay, so that's our introduction to Jody. Okay. So now we meet Tommy. Tommy's adorable. He's like 19. Uh, he calls himself C. Thomas Flood because he um is an aspiring writer, and it's like his pen name or whatever, and everyone's like, what's the C C stand for? And it's like, he's like, nothing. Like that's just it's just my pen name. Um he's just moved to San Francisco from Indiana. He has this like uh his car just like barely makes it. It like literally like catches on fire when he gets there. Um and he meets uh this guy in the Asian district that like like Tommy, Tommy is so like sweet and innocent. Like, like examples of him just being the cutest, sweetest thing is like he can't there's like so many homeless people in San Francisco, and he doesn't understand being able to like walk past a homeless person without like saying or giving them money or something. Like he has like no money, he's like giving like he just like giving away like ten dollars a day, like just cannot, and he like doesn't understand how people can just walk by someone and not like like they're like talking to you. Like, of course you have to like acknowledge them at the very least. Like he doesn't understand. Um so he meets so when his car catches fire, he meets um this man that he call I don't know if it's his name, but he's called Wong One. There's like five Wongs. Um it might be a little, you know, this is 1995. Uh but basically, basically, Wong Won owns an apartment. Like he's like a landlord, and he's like, Yeah, like you know, I have a place you can stay, it's like $50 a week or whatever. So he's like, Cool, I'll come stay there. And he just like lives with like a bunch of other like like immigrant, like Chinese immigrants, yeah. And like none of them speak English. And I think if there's just like Wang Won, Wang Two, like they all just like I don't know, yeah. And um so he's like living here, he's like waking up in the morning and there's like flowers like on his bunk, like is they all sleep in bunk beds. So there's like flowers on his bunk bed, and he's like no idea. He's just like so confused, like where are these like flowers coming from? Yeah, um, yeah, they're all so they're all named Wong. Um so Tommy's like you know out and about on the town, he meets the emperor, um, and they hit it off because the emperor's great. Like he's just a cool he was cool in the cool dude, and everyone is so I love how like everyone in the city like react, like everyone knows him. They're just like, oh your majesty. Like it's just like everyone like plays along, like it's it's great. Um so Tommy meets the emperor, he sort of mentions his encounter with this like vampire. So he's like telling the emperor about the flowers, and the emperor's like, oh, it could be like a it could be like a vampire florist. Like it was just like it's just a lot of the conversations are just absurd. Like I love I just love Christopher Moore's writing, he's so funny. Um and so like so yeah, so the emperor like brings up the the vampire, um, but he also lets him know so so Tommy needs a job, obviously. He's not a writer yet, he can't make money writing, so he's like the emperor tells him about this job at the safe way in town. Um and he's like, you know, uh he's the emperor, so he's like, I can give you like a recommendation. I'll write you a letter. Oh yeah, exactly. Um he ends up apparently, um, he gets a job at the Safeway. I think he does like fluff up his resume a little bit. Um, but like it seems to me that he's very qualified. Like he's worked, I don't remember where he worked in Indiana, but he definitely has like the like service industry back, like, but it's like the graveyard shift. So they're they're not actually working with customers, they're literally just like stocking shelves. Um but he like shows up uh and his crew is they they're known as the animals. And it's just like a group of like, I think it's like five dudes. Um and they're all they're all characters, but like the leader of the animals is this dude named Simon. And he's just sort of like the guy that's like sort of like a compulsive liar, um too cool for everybody. Like, you find a lot more about him like later on. I don't want to give it all like all away, but um, but they're basically like they hear that their new managers like show because he's like the manager, he's like 19, and they're like, Oh, the new manager's coming, and they're like all like worried about it. And he like shows up and he's like, Hey, just like I got one question for you guys. Like, do you bowl? And they're just like, What? So apparently there's this thing called turkey bowling, and it's like they make it seem like it's like a like a a big a graveyard supermarket shift thing. Like every every super in Indiana they do it, in San Francisco they do it. It's called turkey bowling, and you literally just bowl turkeys down the aisles. Um it's great. That sounds great, actually. No, it sounds it sounds disgusting. Like I thankfully I'm not eating turkeys, but um I don't want to stop turkey now.

SPEAKER_05

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Um so he's just basically like earned the respect of the whole crew by like you know showing how cool he is. Uh and um while they're on break, they're like outside front of the store. Jody just is like walking down the street. Um she, which I sort of skipped over this, so she has you know figured out she's a vampire. She's realizing that she needs a minion. Like she needs someone that can like get around during the day. Um because so one of the weird things about these this type of vampire, so I love I love different vampire lords. So these their types of vampires, they are out during the day. Like dead out. So she is not inside. By the time like sunrise or sun set. Yeah, sunrise.

SPEAKER_05

Oh no, sunrise, yes.

SPEAKER_01

She's like, they're like passed out dead.

SPEAKER_05

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01

Like if you find them, you would think they were dead. Um so she's like, I can't do anything during the day. Like she can't she her car's in the impound, she can't get her car out. She needs a place to stay because she broke up with her boyfriend. Like she needs to rent an apartment. So she's basically like, I need like a man.

SPEAKER_05

I need somebody to take care of me.

SPEAKER_01

I need someone to take care of me. Um so she's sort of just like walking outside the safeway, and Simon sees like clocks her and he's like gross, and it's like, oh, let me go show you guys how it's done. And he's like hitting on her, and she's just like, gross, I don't like you. And so Tommy like comes up to like save the day, and she's just like, Oh, hey, like she was very interested in Tommy. Um, and they end up like making a date to hang out. Um, and she's she you know makes a joke about like 30 minutes, like, will you meet me at um Emilio's like 30 minutes after sunset or whatever? Yeah, and he's like, What time is that? And she was like, I don't know, I need to get an almanac. Like she doesn't even know what time, like you know, yeah, exactly. Um brave of her. I know. And so uh so yeah, so he's he's just like he keeps like his because he's such a writer too, so like all of his things are like, I'm you know, she's gonna break my heart and like all this stuff. Uh and so he uh finds out there's actually one of the animals is named Troy Lee, and he speaks Chinese, and so he gets Troile to come back to his apartment after their shift. Their shift ends at like 8 a.m. And so the sun's still up. Uh so he gets Troile to come back, and he's like, Hey, will you ask them about these like flowers that I keep getting on my bed? He finds out that the Wongs are actually like courting him. So they're they think they heard that in San Francisco men can marry men, and they're like trying to like they're like immigrants, so they're like trying to get there, so they're like, Oh, we can marry, we'll marry him and like we'll become citizens and it'll all be great. Yeah, it's like hilarious. Um and so um oh Enrico's not Emilio's. Uh so so yeah, so Tommy, you know, takes a nap or whatever, because I guess he's gotta sleep sometime. Um, wakes up, uh gets ready to meet uh Jody at Enrico's for uh their date. Um and he actually so there's it's actually really cool because if you've ever been to San Francisco, there's so many uh little like nuggets like Easter eggs here and there. So he goes, he he goes to the like this bookstore City Lights, which is like a big bookstore in San Francisco, and he buys her an almanac, and it's like that's so cute. Yeah, it's pretty cute. Um and so I think I'm gonna stop there. Okay. Yeah, so Tommy and Jody, I had a little bit further to go, but um I feel like I've been talking a lot and it's really good. It's like I'm I think you should definitely the audiobook now. Yeah, audiobook is great. Um I love Christopher Moore. I recommend excited about reading. I recommend, yeah, those all the ones we've mentioned, the blood sucking fiends. Oh, book two is called You Suck.

SPEAKER_05

That I remember seeing that.

SPEAKER_01

And then there's um what's the third one? Uh I don't remember. Bite Me. Oh, that's yeah. So it's a trilogy, it's great. There's more characters that get introduced in the second and third one. Um Abby Normal uh is hilarious. She's like a goth girl. Like it's it's really good. Okay. Highly recommend.

SPEAKER_05

I'll have to check it out. I'm already a fan. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Especially if you like a dirty job, you'll love blood sucking themes.

SPEAKER_05

So yeah, what did you I read a book called The Hike by Drew McGary.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I've not heard of this.

SPEAKER_05

Uh I hadn't either. I just like st stump stumbled upon it and um was kind of like read the back and was like, okay. I'll check it out. It could be fun. Yeah. It had like a f almost a four point on Goodreads, which I don't like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I mean honestly, I think anything above a three point seven five at this point. It's ridiculous. I could really like.

SPEAKER_05

Um it's a shorter book. I think it's just under 300 pages, which I don't normally kind of like grab those books, but uh it's been a hard week. So the story like starts off and it's a guy driving and he's like, there's like deer all over oh like he's noticing deer all over the road, and there's like street crew guys like taking a deer body off to the side of the highway, and he's like, This is weird, like but then the farther he drives, like the more like street crew and like dead deer. He was like, It looks like a truck just drove through a herd of car. And we're like, I'm like, what? Like, is it gonna be that kind of book? Because I wasn't ready for this, but it's not. Don't worry. The beginnings got a little a little scratches, but it's really not that bad. Um, so his GPS also is like uh taking him trying to make him drive off a cliff. And he's like, no, like restart, reroute, like I'm not turning, right? There's no there's no path down like the this no.

SPEAKER_00

So um which GPS has killed people before. It has. Yeah. They'll trust it.

SPEAKER_05

Don't do it. It's not good. Trust your instincts unless they'll get you lost. Then maybe don't. So he uh he shows up uh to a little I think it's like a wedding resort, but it's off season, so it and it's actually like a really dumpy like inn that he's like booking into, but he's on a work job. Uh his name is Ben. He's pretty fun. Um he has a wife at home and three smaller children. They all seem pretty fun. Uh he gets checked in to the inn. And at first nobody's at the front count counter. And then he's like, hello, and this like old woman comes around the corner and was like, Can I help you? And he's like, I just need a route. Like, I'm checking in. And he's like, Is there like a hiking trail around here? Because there's just like mountains everywhere. Is there a hiking trail around here? Because that sounds cool. And she was like, No. He was like, What do you mean there's not a hiking trail? Okay, whatever. And so he like goes up, he like calls his wife for like two seconds because their three kids are like pestering her. Yeah. It's not it's not easy to stay on the phone with three kids sometimes. Uh and uh he gets situated and then he takes his phone and his room key and he's like, I'm just gonna like go find a hike trail. Like, there's no way there's not one. So he finds a trail and he's like, you know, going. He's like trying to get back for the business meeting on at a certain time, and so he's like making note of landmarks, and he realizes his phone is almost dead, and like the service is cut off. So it just keeps loading, which strains the battery faster. And he's like, Okay, I know I'm somebody who checks their phone every five seconds. I really like don't do that. Yeah. So he's hiking and he's hiking, and he comes around and he's like, uh, oh, that's weird. That guy's got a a Rottweiler face on his face. And what is he drawing? He's drawing a a little girl body. What she ain't got no arms or legs. Oh my gosh, and he's like, I gotta get out of here before he notices me. And when he has that thought, the guy with the dog face on his head looks at him and he just books it. He's like, oh hell.

SPEAKER_02

Is this a horror book?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_02

No, okay.

SPEAKER_05

It's it's a little Okay. I wouldn't consider it a horror. Um, so he's like, he like sees this, which he's had, like he's got this big scar under his eye, like big one on his face, and it's from the dog guy or Ben. Okay, Ben. And it's because when he was a kid, like a Rottweiler like attacked his face. So that's already his biggest fear. And so he was just like, no! And then he runs, he runs, he runs. Uh, and he's like, help, and he's I mean, he's in like it's not in his twenties, but it's probably in like mid-he's probably our age.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, he's got three kids, I mean.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Um to like mid-late 30s. And he's uh he keeps running on this path, but he's not recognizing any of the landmarks around him. And then he like the dog faced guy's like, I was waiting for you since the day you were born. We're gonna kill you, and he's like, No! And then he finds he runs long enough that he can't hear anything around him, and there's this like red tint on the side of the path, and there's a fire going, and he's like, Like, is this a trap? It's not a trap. He like eats all the food, drinks all the water, he's like exhausted, his knees are hurting. Uh, and then he's like, Well, I feel like if I fall asleep in the tent, like they're gonna come get me. Like, this was put here on purpose. So he like sleeps behind this log and takes a blanket, and uh he like has this dream about his like high school high school like crush that he had on this girl, and it's like a real spicy dream. And then he wakes up and he's like, No, my wife. Mary and uh he's like trying to call his wife because he's lost, he's panicking, but like he can't get barely has battery too. Yes, so it's it's it's not good. Um so when he wakes up from that dream, there's a note um by the tent that's like uh stay on the path or you'll die. And he's like, What? This is this is like what are weird things? Um so he he's walking some more and running, a lot of running. He's very tired. I was exhausted.

SPEAKER_01

It sounds kind of in shape doing so much running.

SPEAKER_05

So he ends up after that, like he sees a house off onto the side of the path, and so he goes up to the house, he's like banging on the door, he's like, help, help, help. And this like old woman comes up, opens the door, she was like, Can I help you? And he was like, There's these dog faced killers out here trying to get every you should get out of here too. Do you have a phone? And she's like, No, I what a phone, what?

SPEAKER_01

Oh no, why would I have a phone?

SPEAKER_05

He's like, What? Like, well, you gotta come on, these people. He was like, She was like, No, I'm not going anywhere. But like, what can I help you with? And he's like, Well, I'm looking for like a town, so like I can get to town and call the police and go home. And she's like, Well, the uh there's a town nearby, and she tells him the name of the town, and he was like, Pennsylvania, because that's where he's at. She was like, Pennsylvania. He was like, She goes, Listen, I will help you, but I want you to like pull the weeds in my garden. I just got like this great garden, even though it's not garden season. It's like beautiful. There's weeds all in it. She's like, You can pick all those weeds, I'll help you. He's like, Fine. And so he's like pulling these weeds, and the roots are like the longest, he just like keeps pulling it like a like a magic box with his roots. And he's fine, so like, and then he sees like this big juicy tomato, and he like picks it and takes a bite, and she comes out, she's like, You can't eat my garden fruit, don't do that. He's like, sorry, okay. So he gets all done, and she comes out, she was like, You've done a great job, this looks great. Come inside, I'll feed you. She like loads him up with like a backpack, stew, waters, cheeses, jam, all these goodies. And she was like, Okay, so oh, also like three random seeds that she was like, These will come in handy when you need them to eat. And she is just like, What? Like, what is going on? Uh so um, so she also is like, whatever you do, don't stray from the path. Like, apparently her husband strayed from the path, and that's why she's a single old lady in this house. Uh he never came back. We don't know, something bad happened. Uh, so he's like, Alright, cool. So he like fills up on food, takes the stuff, new backpack, whatever, everything. He leaves. And he's like, What am I supposed to do? Just follow like this path? Am I just fall? Like, where is this path taking me? I just want to get back to the inn. Like, I want to see my family. And uh, and then he's like, you know what? What's what what's the worst that could happen if I straight up? Terrible idea. Two people told you. So he like leaves the path and the dog face killer guys are back and they're like, We're gonna kill you, and he's like, No! No! Like the So he gets back on path and the path just ends, and there's nothing there, and they're just like waiting for him. They're like, ha ha ha. And he is like, Oh, the seeds. So he like throws the seeds.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, these things.

SPEAKER_05

Three seeds. But the seeds she said, When I would know when I need them.

SPEAKER_01

I need them now.

SPEAKER_05

So he throws a seed on the ground, this like big castle appears. Castle. And he like opens the door and shuts it, and the dog face guys are like pounding on the door, like, We're gonna get you, we'll get in there. And they're like stabbing things through the door, but they can't come in. Um, and so he like he's like looking around and it's just like I assume it's just like the castle tower where it's like an entryway and a staircase. So he like goes up the staircase and on to like the balcony that's up there, and he's looking down at these dog things, and then he takes another seed. And it like she told him something about a wolf, so he's like, Maybe it's a wolf. So he like throws the seed over the balcony and a wolf appears and just mauls these dog face killer guys, and like they're gone now. And so he was like, Huh, okay, that's cool. I guess these deed like these seeds did come in here.

SPEAKER_00

Sounds yeah, she was right.

SPEAKER_05

Uh we're we're I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Let's not ask any more questions about the seeds. They work, they work, okay.

SPEAKER_05

So then uh so he goes back downstairs and he's like, Well, I like I'm not gonna go back the way I came. And there's another door, so he opens the door and walks through. It's just this big hole, and he's like, ah, I'm falling. And he falls asleep. Well, he's fall-oh, passes out, I'm sure is a better term to say. Uh and he wakes up and falls asleep. He falls asleep really falling. So he's been running a lot. He's so tired. Um stressed, running, cut up by branches, I'm sure. Uh so he wakes up and like has he's on a beach, and he's like, weird.

SPEAKER_01

This is a weird day. What is going on?

SPEAKER_05

So um there's a path on the beach. So he's like, hell stay on the path. At this point in the book, I'm like, are we just walking the entire like when is this?

SPEAKER_01

It definitely sounds more like a fantasy.

SPEAKER_05

When is this gonna get good? Yeah. Oh, it gets good. Okay. Shortly after. Okay. Uh so he walks and he sees a house. It's like a three uh it's a three-storey house. So he goes in and he just starts getting pissed because like he can't contact anybody that's he's got the path that he's not supposed to trail for. Like everything's just real shy. He's like bashing stuff. He goes to the first floor, ruins a bunch of furniture. Goes to the second floor, ruins a bunch of furniture. And then he's like, Oh, weird, there's a staircase there. Like, I'm gonna go see what's up there. He opens the door and there's like this 20-foot cricket. A big, gross, ugly, disgusting cricket, and he's like, Ah, and he runs outside.

SPEAKER_00

As as you should.

SPEAKER_05

As as one should. And so he gets outside and he hears this voice be like, Hello, hello, and he's like, I have a knife, I will hurt you. Like, who's there? And then it's a crab, it's just a little talking crab. He's like, How are you talking to me right now? He's like, Don't worry about that. What like what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00

I'm so confused.

SPEAKER_05

There's a lot, it's like a very questy adventure style book. So the crab's like, well, you gotta go back in that house because they're like there's something important on the third floor. And he's like, But there's a big ass cricket. He was like, No, you got to. And he's like, Are you gonna come with me? And he was like, I might as well, just because it's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_00

Is it a small crab? What's the size of the spirit? It's a normal. Okay, like a normal size crab. Yeah, crab. So I just pictured like a huge crab at first. Is it a small crab?

SPEAKER_01

I think I was picturing the the cricket. I mean, I was like, everything's big.

SPEAKER_05

So they go back up there and there's like controls. He he's like, I guess I have to figure out uh excuse me. Uh there's uh how to like do these controls, and the crab's like, you probably it's probably like something to do with the cricket. So he like bashes the cricket and gets like a key out of it and the controls work. And he looks out the window and this big old boat appears. He bashes the cricket. But he like sticks his arm into the cricket and markers it, and it's very gross. I'm pretty sure he pukes.

SPEAKER_01

He does not like this. This is not a good time either. I mean I don't like crickets, but I don't it's bad.

SPEAKER_05

Uh but the f it was a fun cute story. Um so this big like 70-foot hovercraft boat shows up in the water and he was like, Cool, and he's like, Crab, are you gonna come with me? And he was like, Oh, sure, I guess. And he was like, Well, what's your name? And he was like, I'm just I'm just a crab, I don't have a name. He was like, Well, can I call you Frank? He was like, Can I call you shithead? Because if you call me Frank, I'm gonna call you shithead. Um, so they get on the hover hovercraft boat, and then some accidents happen, they run straight into a glacier because there's a path in the ocean too. Um, and in that glacier, he ends up getting captured by this giant like 26-foot woman who's in the mountain next to the glacier, and she's like, Oh, uh, oh, and she's a cannibal. She's like, Do you want some stew? And he's like, What's in it? She was like, people. He was like, No, I think I'm gonna barf. And he does barf a lot in the street. He's very squeamish for what happens to him. Uh the uh Fermona is the giant. Fermona, by the way. She's like attractive too.

SPEAKER_00

Oh he says.

SPEAKER_05

Um, and she's like, okay, so I'm gonna like undress. And he was like, excuse me, what? She was like, we can make this harder, we can make this easy. Death by snow. You can die a slow, painful death, or you can die a quick, like, painless death. Like, you're on the slow and painful right now, so do what I like. She's actually very nice too. Like, she's not mean to him at all. She's just like, undress and your underwear, and throw it all on my pile of human stuff. Um, and then she puts him in a cage, and then like a week passes, and uh the crab comes back and he's like, Hey man, what she need? I got some stuff for you. I have some seeds. He found some seeds. Uh but so she catches him trying to escape with the crab, and she's like, You're a funny little crab. He's like, Yeah, thanks. Ha, whatever. Um, the crab's one of my favorite characters. But uh, so sh she captures him when he tries to escape, puts him back in his hole. She goes, Okay, so you know you're gonna have to like fight. This is entertainment for me. So I'll give you a choice. You can fight one guy, or you can fight five dwarves. Tell me which one you want. I let you choose. So he's like, I'll I'll fight the one guy. And so she puts him in a little cage in her living room, like cage fight style, and she's like, Whoever dies doesn't get eaten. And then she puts him in the cage and whoever dies doesn't get eaten. Whoever doesn't die, doesn't whoever doesn't die doesn't get eaten.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry, yeah, I was like, there's no winning. There's no winning either.

SPEAKER_05

No, no, no. This could be a very shorter book.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um I'm like so confused how short this book is because it seems like a lot has happened.

SPEAKER_05

It escalates quickly. Okay. Uh so the guy that is Contender.

SPEAKER_00

His okay, his other guy.

SPEAKER_05

He's the dog face killer guy. And he wins.

SPEAKER_00

Uh he Ben does? Yeah, Ben wins.

SPEAKER_05

He does not feel good about it. He like has never killed anything in his life. Like he he's not that kind of guy.

SPEAKER_00

It's like a literal dog face killer guy.

SPEAKER_05

So he tries to like pull the face. Like he had found dead Brottweilers and assumed that they just were wearing their faces. And then he tried to like pull it off this guy, but it was like it was his face. Oh no. And it was bad. Um, but he wins the fight. Um, and then she's like, aha ha, I'm gonna send in the five dwarves now. And they're like biting him and like, take his shoulder more! And like it's uh and then the seeds come in handy. And he gets out of there eventually. He like holds the holds them up and is like, I gotta go. Uh and so him and the crab leave and then they go on other adventures. Yeah, that's such a weird sounding book. It's it was great. Like it took me it took me up until this point to really like get into it. Yeah. But but that was that was also a lot of the beginning. Yeah. I probably told too much. But a lot of other cool stuff happens and like it's not like cool. It was like I think after finishing it, I was just like, oh the f like that was actually like really good.

SPEAKER_00

Really good. Good. What was the what was the good reads again? Do you remember?

SPEAKER_05

Uh it was it was 3.9 something. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01

Uh it's just I'm like trying to wrap my brain around it. It seems like it was like started off seeming very horror y, but then it definitely turned fantasy.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, it it went very fantasy. Yeah, it was very quest adventure. Yeah. Like uh, you had to do something for a reward, like the entire book. Um and then you're like, he's like not he's obviously not on Earth anymore. Yeah, yeah, something, yeah. So he's also trying to wrap his brain around that.

SPEAKER_01

Like where he went.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, like where am I?

SPEAKER_01

This isn't like I thought at first it was gonna be like he went back in time. Like with the first lady, I thought it was gonna be like a time thing, but yeah, it definitely is a place. It's just a different place. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Um, it was really cool. It was like it was pretty uh the beginning sounds like it's gonna be horror, but it was actually pretty like light, fluffy adventure book.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

Um and I liked it. Cool. That was it. It was called The Hike. The Hike by Drew McGary. It was written in 2016. Okay. And I had never heard of this book before. Yeah, I haven't either. I've never heard it. But now I feel like I'm gonna end up on a deep dive because I was looking at his other books and I was like, these have fun. I might read this book.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe I'll give it a shot. It definitely gave me a little bit of um I I don't know, you would obviously have to tell me, but like Road to Roswell.

SPEAKER_05

It was very cutesy kind of adventure vibes.

SPEAKER_00

Which was kind of Road to Ros Road to Roswell for me.

SPEAKER_05

This was more of like a uh I feel like the Road to Roswell wasn't very like quest driven.

SPEAKER_01

You know, it also made me think of I haven't read it in a really long time, and I considered doing it for the podcast, but I tried to like re-read it and it wasn't like as great as I remembered. But there's a Terry Brooks book called Castle for Sale, which is like a weird, fun fantasy kind of different, obviously different plot, but um I feel like maybe a similar vibe where it's like fantasy mixing in with real world uh but with quests and the twist on this one was good.

SPEAKER_00

Oh good, okay. Um I wonder if the audiobook's good.

SPEAKER_05

If there is one. I don't know if there is one or not.

SPEAKER_01

Um I'm looking for looking for a good audiobook.

SPEAKER_05

Uh the twists were fun in this. They were good. They were unexpected.

SPEAKER_00

There is a hold, so people like it. Drew McGarry McGarry.

SPEAKER_05

Mulgary.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, they they're saying it's like early good Chuck Palinak.

SPEAKER_05

Yes. That is what the front of the book says.

SPEAKER_01

But you really like him, don't you?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. I actually just listened to like a BBC uh put a hold. What is it? Like audio where it's like a cast of people that do it. I can't remember. But I I just listened to that for Fight Club because I almost did Flight Fight Club for my book. Cause I I liked I like I watched the movie before I ever read the book. Yeah. It's one of those movies. I've never read the book liked watching.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think I've read a single Chuck Palinek phase.

SPEAKER_05

I really liked the book for Fight Club. Um Survivor was the first book that I read by Polinok that I liked really that's what like really pushed me into reading. Mm-hmm. Um because it wasn't what I was used to. It was just different than what other like a lot of my friends had read him, but I I don't know. I wasn't a big reader for a while.

SPEAKER_01

Well I always kind of for me it's like I'm like, he's a boy right. Like he writes for boys.

SPEAKER_05

So like he has a book called Snuff that is like about a guy that thinks he's the son of a porn star that's trying to do like a world record for like back-to-back sex things and he gets in line for it. So it's he's a dude writer. Like he's he's a guy's guy in your writing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like I think I think Yeah, anyone that's like it was always dudes that really liked Palinook, so I just was never I was just kind of like, man, it's not for me.

SPEAKER_05

I liked it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

But I was I was You're a dude's girl. I was like a dude's girl for a long time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like I don't think I think I pretended to be, but I had to be. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Uh I don't have much of a choice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I wasn't gonna like go so far as to read.

SPEAKER_05

Uh but that's I mean Polenox what got me really into reading.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so that's cool.

SPEAKER_05

Got me the job at the bookstore, probably. Yeah. So probably. Uh but I haven't read like I'm not a fan of I like his older works.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

But I I Which that said specifically early Chuck Pelanic, so I I don't like all of his books, but I do like a handful of them. But Fight Club's one of my favorites, and I didn't read that until I went on my honeymoon a handful of years ago.

unknown

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01

So Well, I put a hold on it on Libby, so let me know if the audiobooks on it.

SPEAKER_05

I want to put the crowd's voice sound like.

SPEAKER_01

I hope that uh oh well I'll look at it later. Um yeah. So, so this week we did Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore.

SPEAKER_05

And the hike by what was the McGarry? McGarry, yeah. Something McGarry? Wait, wait, wait. Drew McGarry. Drew McGarry. I was like, his name's McGary.

SPEAKER_00

McGarry. Oh, I don't think that was the audiobook. Dang it. That's okay. Oh well, I'll find it.

SPEAKER_01

There's a bunch of moves. There's a bunch of books called the hike. Oh, here we go. Here's okay. Got it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, cool. Let me know how it goes.

SPEAKER_01

We're good. I got it. Okay. Well, thanks for listening, guys. And we'll see you in two weeks.

SPEAKER_05

Catch us in two weeks. Thanks. Bye. Bye.