How to Stop Overthinking Right Now!

I'm breaking down why overthinking feels so painful, and what it's really about ... not the decision itself.

Ever made a pros & cons list, asked three friends, slept on it, and still felt totally stuck? 

If you're tired of second-guessing every move, this one's for you.

What we get into:

• Why overthinking is really a self-trust thing in disguise, not a decision thing
• The one question I ask myself instead of "Is this the right choice?"
• How I make values-based decisions that actually feel solid
• The tiny daily practice that rebuilds trust in yourself
  
  

Links Mentioned:

Intuitive decision making style quiz

Journey to Self Trust

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to an intuitive life. This is Elena Lipson back for a solo episode. And this one is one that I have definitely dealt with. I'm sure you have as well. Today we're talking about overthinking and what it actually is. So if you have been circling the same decision for three days or three weeks, or let's be honest, sometimes years, and you've asked friends, you've received different answers, you've slept on it, and you're still finding yourself standing exactly where you started, but you're exhausted and you just have this, like, I don't know, like a knot in your stomach, or you feel like there's a brick wall in front of you, and you just can't move forward. So what is happening is you're not actually trying to make the decision, you're trying to guarantee the outcome, and there's a difference. And that is a promise that no amount of thinking will ever be able to give you. So today let's talk about overthinking, why it can feel so painful, what's really underneath it, and how to finally put that endless loop down, not by thinking harder, but by doing this instead. We're gonna share it, we're gonna talk about it. So, first of all, let's define overthinking because I want to be very precise here, since I'm a writer and words matter. And is there is there such a thing as a good amount of thinking? Less thinking, more thinking? There's nothing wrong with thinking. In fact, I would argue that today, most of us don't spend enough time thinking through things, giving ourselves enough spaciousness to let a thought go all the way through beyond that first instinct. And as someone who teaches intuition, it doesn't mean it has to be fast, it means it has to be thoughtful. So when we look at overthinking through the lens of intuition, there's a reason we do it, overthinking, as much as we do. And what I see most often is that it stems from one of two things. First is the discomfort with uncertainty, because you really don't know what's going to happen once you make a decision. You can't. That information doesn't exist, even if you've done the research, if you've planned it all out, mapped it all out, there's literally no 100% guarantee. So you're trying to make peace with something that cannot be made peace with, because every decision opens up a like a new series of options. That that's the beauty of decision making. And once you get comfortable with uncertainty, it can actually become more fun. But that's more of a personality, like we have to address is, you know, if you haven't seen my uh intuitive decision-making style quiz, it's such a great place to start because I break down the five types of intuitive decision makers, everything from the analytic to the mystic and everything in between. And it really informs not just how you make the decision, but what you do with that action afterwards or don't do in some cases. So that's the first thing is discomfort with uncertainty. That leads to so much overthinking because you're trying to get to a place of certainty and it just doesn't exist. The second thing that I see most is a lack of self-trust or enough self-trust in whatever area you're feeling uncertain. Because in some areas of life, we tend to have less overthinking. In others, we have more overthinking. It's just how we're wired. Or, like more precisely, it's a lack of the habit of self-trust, the habit of trusting that you will figure it out, because that really is self-trust at the core. That's actually what true self-trust is. It's not knowing that this is a hundred percent absolutely the exact right thing to do, business to start, man to marry, home to buy, place to move, you know, those are the big ones, but even the smaller decisions can feel that way too. What self-trust is, is trusting that regardless of how it turns out, this is the thing you've thought through, the thing that feels like the right next step. And even though you have doubts, even though you feel fear, you trust in your own ability to navigate whatever happens as a result. Right. So here's here's like an image you can think through. Overthinking is like standing at the trailhead of a huge, beautiful journey and refusing to take a single step until someone hands you a map of the entire route, all the possibilities, every turn, every fork, every mile marker, and a guarantee of exactly where you'll end up and how you'll feel when you'll get there. Like, think about that, right? But intuition doesn't work like a map. Intuition works like a divine compass because a map shows you the whole road before you walk it, whereas a compass shows you the direction that's true, true north, true north, your true north. It doesn't promise the trail will be smooth or there'll be detours or trees fallen that make you have an you know have to go the other way. It doesn't promise perfect weather. It simply keeps pointing you toward your north. And it trusts you to handle the terrain as it comes because you've got tools. You've got a rain jacket, you've got um a G you've got a compass inside, right? That divine compass, you've got water, you've got snacks, you've got a blanket, like you've got stuff that you will handle whatever comes. And you are always holding that divine compass that has never changed. Overthinking is what happens when we drop the compass and go looking for a map that was never going to exist. Because even if someone else took the exact same trail a week ago, they won't be able to tell you exactly how the terrain is going to look for you, how you're gonna handle it, how you're gonna perceive it, the choices that you're gonna make along the way. Right? Or think of it the way like a novelist once described writing a book. It's like driving at night in the fog. Your headlights only show you the next 100 or 200 feet of road, and yet you can make the entire journey home that way. You're never meant to see the whole road. You were only ever meant to see the next stretch and trust yourself to keep driving because you know you you know how to drive, you know you know how to keep going, you can slow down, you can even stop if you need to rest, but you keep going and you know that road. So here's another like story of overthinking if you need to just see it a different way. Imagine standing at the edge of a pool, you dip in your toe, oh, too cold, and you pull it back. You check the temperature again, and you're looking around and you're watching other people swim and look fine, and you dip your toe in again, and you stand there so long that the sun goes down and you never once got in. Right? So the water was never the problem, and getting in was never actually the risk. The real thing that kept you frozen at that edge was a question. What if I get in and I can't handle how it feels? It's too hot, it's too cold, it's too whatever, right? That's overthinking. It's like caution, that's unnecessary. It's like being thorough, being responsible, being smart, fine, doing all the research, but underneath it's almost always this. I don't trust myself to handle what happens on the other side of the decision, right? Because the moment you believe in your body, I can get in the water and whatever it feels like, I'll be okay. You jump in, right? The temperature doesn't matter, what other people are doing doesn't matter. It's the certainty that it's never about the pool or the water. The certainty that counters overthinking is yourself. So ultimately, what you're trying to reach when you're overthinking is a deep, airtight certainty about the decision itself. And that is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever going to happen, right? There is a sphere of the unknown around every choice. Fear of uncertainty and chasing certainty in the decision keeps you locked in that loop forever. It's like spending two hours deciding on the perfect restaurant, going there, and it's closed. You're like, well, that's it. I can't make good decisions. No, you you you made a good decision, you took too long, but now you get to decide something else. Like you will figure it out, you will figure out somewhere else to eat. Okay, because the perfect decision doesn't exist. It doesn't, it's like you it just not found. So what you can cultivate instead is a deep certainty in your own ability to navigate whatever happens, whatever the outcome, you have the ability to navigate, figure it out no matter what. So whether the next move creates a massive opportunity and you're now visible all of a sudden, you made a million dollars, or whether it fails miserably and you just learn the biggest lesson of your life, or it lands somewhere in between. You have the capacity in the heart and the soul to learn, to grow, to handle the bigness and the wonderfulness, or the not so wonderfulness of whatever comes, right? This is why overthinking is so painful because it isn't the weight of the decision, it's the ache, that deep ache of not yet trusting yourself to handle the result of the decision. Because the pain is not the choice, it's it's the self-doubt that's wrapped around it. Because a decision is just a decision. For some people, these this exact decision would be made in two seconds, for others, in two years. Like it's not the decision, it's the belief of what you will do with the outcome. So here's here's some practices because you don't think your way out of overthinking, you practice your way out of it. So here's some some ways that you can maybe grab a journal, grab a notebook, whatever it is, pause just so you can start building some of these for yourself and see what resonates with you. Number one, name what you're actually afraid of. Ask yourself, am I unsure about the choice, or am I afraid I won't be able to handle the outcome? Because nine times out of ten, it's the second one. Like you're not, you're just, oh, you're like, oh my God, what if it fails? Oh my gosh, what if maybe you're not thinking what if it succeeds, but maybe there is something in there about that, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have too much responsibility, or I'm gonna have to then go on that stage. Like if I if I make the decision to apply for that speaking thing, I'll actually have to be on stage and like figure out what to wear, right? But then once you realize it's not really about the decision, it's about the outcome, naming it really starts to take away its power. Number two, change the question you're asking. Stop asking, is this the exact right thing to do? Dear God, divine universe guides, please tell me, is this the exact right thing to do? Been there, done that. I know you have too. We're all in this culture of like just the heavens open up and tell me what to do, right? But it just doesn't work that way. You instead start asking, can I trust myself to handle it if this doesn't go the way I hope? And then just notice what happens in your body, right? Because the first question really has no answer. Is this the exact right thing to do? I don't know. You don't know, even God doesn't tell you that, right? Like if you have a belief in divine guidance, it's not gonna be like this is the exact hundred percent. No, it's it's like, honey, you can handle it no matter what, right? The second one gives you an answer. And the answer is usually yes, I can trust myself to handle if this doesn't go the way I hope. Or what if it, what can I trust myself to handle it if it goes better than I expected? Oh my gosh, like that opens up a whole new opportunity, a whole new way of thinking. Okay, number three, build self-trust in small things, because actually self-trust is a muscle like any other muscle you build up, and you build it in the ordinary moments, in choosing the restaurant, in sending the email without 17 edits, in picking the paint color that makes you feel just joyful, right? Every small decision you make and follow through on tells your nervous system, I can rely on me. I can rely on me. That's a huge thing that you get to choose for yourself. Okay, number four, get clear on your values and then decide from there. Because a values-based decision always feels more solid than a panic-based decision, a fear-based decision, or other people's opinion-based decision. Because when you know what you what you value and you have that divine inner compass to check against, like that is a solid way of moving through. So take the time to actually name your top values in life, in business, in money. Then at the fork in the road, when you have a decision, which path is more aligned with my values? Which path is more aligned with what I say matters most? Now you've given yourself criteria, and that makes the answer so much easier to trust in and make make take that next step. Number five, let your body weigh in, right? Because your body don't maybe not what do I think about this? What do I feel? How do I feel about this? What about here's my three options. Which one, how do I feel with this one? How do I feel with that one? How do I feel with that one? I have a ton of exercises around this that I do with clients when they're stuck at that point. Because your body is original intelligence. A values-aligned choice tends to feel a certain way. It feels like, ah, spacious, an exhale, a settling, even when it's a scary decision. A fear-based choice tends to feel like a clenching, uh like a compressed feeling in your body, right? Your gut is the data. Your body is part of your gut, but you have your whole body, right? So treat it that way. Number six, give yourself a decision deadline. I love this one. This is why I personally love working with a coach or an accountability group or mastermind because I'm a really good student and I love pleasing. I know that about myself. So even when I give myself a deadline, it's better when a coach gives me a deadline, but I can do it for myself too, as long as I have some accountability and some integrity with myself, which I do. So give yourself a decision deadline because overthinking just loves an infinite timeline. I'll just decide when it feels good. I'll just know when I know. No, no, that doesn't work. Like set a limit. I'll decide by Friday with the information I have. Boom, done. Right? Then honor it because clarity comes from motion far more often, I would say 99.999% of the time, than it comes from more analysis. At some point, you don't need more data. So once you say, like by Friday at 3 p.m., I will have done my research, I will have checked in with myself, I have well sat with it, I have meditated on it, slept on it, I'm gonna make a decision. And guess what? As soon as you make the decision, you'll feel something in your body. You'll be like, oh, you'll feel relief, or you'll feel like, oh, you know what? That was not right. And then you'll just pivot and you'll figure it out from there. Right. I've I've known, like when I have had uh really high-end clients do massive launches, and like in the 11th hour, they're like, nope, we need to shift this whole thing. We're doing this instead. We're doing a webinar, we're not doing emails, like just shifting because in that moment, they're like, once you're in it, you're like, you know what? I can feel this, this isn't clear. And those decisions didn't come from clarity, but they've learned how to navigate their own ability to be in the moment and feel their body and say, nope, decision done. Like that, I'm changing that. It's really fabulous, and you can learn how to do that as well. So let's all take a deep breath together because I have a feeling you already started like leaning into what you've been overthinking because I haven't met a woman yet who isn't overthinking something, like something in her life. I I it's just something we we do, okay. So I want you to like take these key takeaways and just let it land in your body. Overthinking isn't about the decision, it's about not yet trusting yourself to handle the result of it. Next, you will never reach certainty in the choice itself, but you can build certainty in yourself. Number three, intuition gives you a compass, not a map. So you can figure it out as you're going because you are never meant to see the whole entire road. Next, value-based decisions feel solid, fear-based and opinion-based decisions feel frantic. Learning the difference in your body is everything. And finally, self-trust is a practice built in the small habits, the small things, one honored decision at a time. So the next time you catch yourself circling, spinning, running the same loop for the fifth time, pause and ask yourself: Am I really trying to make the right choice? Or am I trying to guarantee an outcome that no human being or divine could ever guarantee? Then you put that map down and you pick up your compass. You take that next honest, value-based, intuition-based step in the direction that feels true for you, and trust that whatever happens next, you will know exactly how to meet it. Because you always have and you always will. And that is living an intuitive life. So if this episode landed for you, if you recognize yourself standing at the edge of that pool, I want to invite you to take that very first step today. Not the giant leap, not a life overhaul, just one small honor decision. Because self-trust isn't a thing you find, it's a thing you build, one choice at a time, one decision at a time. And then the journey begins the moment you decide to stop waiting for certainty, which will never come, and start using or trusting or using that self-trust that you have in yourself instead. So here's your invitation. This week, just notice, catch yourself in one overthinking loop. Doesn't have to be anything dramatic, and make the call anyway. Choose from your values, take the next honest step, and then notice like anchor it in how it feels to prove to yourself that you can rely on you. Okay, and if you want some support on this path, you can start with seven days of self-trust. I walk you through a somatic practice, a quick 10-minute practice. It's not actually seven days, it's seven modules. So you can do it all in one sitting, but it's exactly what I help you work on to quiet that noise, to reconnect with and anchor in to your divine inner compass and build that self-trust that makes overthinking lose its grip on you. So you can find the link in the show notes or in my Instagram. It is an incredible, simple way to anchor it into your body. And as always, take that first step. I'll be right here with you. You can subscribe to an intuitive life wherever you listen if you're not already subscribed. And if this served you, just tap that little blue heart, let me know how it went, or leave a review. And of course, share it with someone else who needs to hear it. Because I find that when you're in this value-based decision making intuitive life with someone else who is doing it as well, you can support each other and just cheerlead each other on to making those decisions with confidence, taking that action, or even with fear, but having that confidence that built is built from making decisions your own way based on you. Thank you so much for being here today, and I will see you on the next episode of An Intuitive Life.