Before You Quit Your Fundraising Job: Power, Control, and Choice

A guided inquiry for nonprofit fundraisers navigating burnout, job stress, and career decisions.

The average fundraiser stays in their role for just 16 to 24 months — a statistic that points to burnout, pressure, and chronic stress in nonprofit fundraising jobs.

If you’ve ever thought:

• I can’t do this anymore
• My boss expects too much of me
• The board doesn’t understand fundraising

This episode is for you.

In this guided episode, Erin leads nonprofit fundraisers through a gentle inquiry process adapted from Byron Katie’s The Work (https://thework.com/), designed to help you slow down, question stressful beliefs, and reconnect with your own power before making a major career decision.

Rather than asking “Should I quit my fundraising job?”, this episode explores:

• Where you may be outsourcing your power at work
• What’s truly within your control — and what isn’t
• The difference between quitting from clarity vs. quitting from emotional urgency

This is not about convincing you to stay or go.
 It’s about making an empowered, informed decision rooted in agency instead of burnout or scarcity thinking.

You may want to listen once to absorb…
 and again with a journal to work the inquiry more deeply.

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Transcript

Erin McQuade-Wright 1:33

Welcome to the Brave and Balanced Fundraiser, the podcast I wish I'd had during my 15 years as a professional fundraiser. I'm your host, Erin McQuaid Wright. This is your space to breathe, realign, and reconnect with a part of you that chose this work for a reason. Together we'll explore tools and practices that help you show up less stressed and spread thin and more grounded, brave, and on purpose. I'm so glad you're here. Let's get started. Today I wanna take you through something really special, something that's been powerful for me, and it's a process called the work. Which you may have heard of, uh, was created by Byron Katie, and all of her tools are free on her website, the work.com, and I liken it to holding up a diamond and turning it slowly in the light. The diamond is one thought. And by turning it slightly and looking at it from a different angle, we can see different perspectives of a thought that we've been holding close to our heart, and it's been determining how we show up and how we act. I'll lead you through a process that's really gentle, but it does allow you to hold up a thought. You've been thinking, and we're gonna turn that thought gently and look at it through different facets today. The reason I'm recording this episode is because the average fundraiser stays on the job for 16 to 24 months. It's a really high turnover rate, and to me it just indicates what my 15 years in the field of fundraising, uh, let me know already, which is it can be a really challenging job. And for me, when I was in that role of either development director or. Vice president. For me, it was really enticing at some times to think that something was being done to me rather than I had agency over the situation. And so this tool that I'm gonna offer to you today. It was really helpful in getting me to a point where I could see the power that I had and the power that I was giving away to others and the emotions that was causing when I was giving my power away to others. So I wanna invite you to take a moment to listen to this episode. You can listen to it a second time with a journal. If that feels good to you, if this is something you're contemplating leaving your job, and let's face it, a 16 to 24 month turnover rate suggests that there's a high probability that you're thinking of leaving your job. I want this to be of service to you so that you can come to that decision point from an empowered place to make an informed decision rather than being driven by some emotional urgency that may or may not be grounded in the truth. So I really hope that you get something from this episode today, and I'm excited to dive into it with you. Let's go. All right, let's begin here. As long as you're not driving, I wanna invite you to settle maybe in a seated position. Make your spine long, and if it feels good and you're safe to do so, close your eyes where you can gaze down directly in front of you with a soft gaze and your eyes open. And just take a deep breath here, allowing your belly to expand, holding it at the top, sipping in a little more air and slowly exhaling, really taking your time with this exhale, allowing it to be slow and easy. Another breath like that. Deep inhale, hold it at the top, sip in a little more air and let it go. And just notice what's happening in your body right now. Notice any tension, notice any constriction in your belly, in your brow, in your throat or your chest. Not so that you can change it, but just notice it. And if you're listening to this episode, there's a good chance that you've had the thought. I can't do this anymore, this fundraising job, or maybe something has to change. And before we go any further, I wanna be clear about something. This isn't about whether you should quit your fundraising job. I'm not here to talk you into staying, and I'm not here to validate you storming out the door. What I am here to do is slow the moment down. So that whatever decision you make comes from your power, not from pressure, not from old patterns, and certainly not from scarcity. So as you listen to this episode, I invite you to do this gently, maybe with a journal so that you can write down your responses. And if at any point you feel overwhelmed, distracted, or activated, you can pause. You can come back to this later. Nothing here requires urgency. These are, this is a conversation that is for your growth, should you choose to take it. So I've worked with a lot of fundraisers, and I've been one, and I can tell you this with confidence. Most people don't quit because they've thought it all the way through. They quit because they're exhausted. Because they feel misunderstood, because something feels really unfair, or because their nervous system is saying, get me out of here, run. And again, that doesn't mean they're wrong, but it does mean the decision is often being made from a reactionary place, not a place of agency and empowerment. So today, instead of deciding, we're gonna inquire. I am gonna guide you through a simple but powerful inquiry process adapted from the work of Byron Katie. If you're not familiar with the work, here's all you need to know for today. It's a way of questioning the thoughts that create suffering, not to get rid of them, but to just see them more clearly. If we can see that we're carrying around a thought that is causing us to suffer, then it's less likely that that thought actually runs us, hijacks us. We can see that it's a thought rather than believing it's me. I am that thought. So this isn't about positive thinking. It's not about being more resilient, it's about returning to your power. Which is within you, and we're gonna work with one belief at a time. So what I want you to do first is identify a thought that comes up for you when you think about quitting. See if you can bring to mind a situation at work that feels really heavy right now. Maybe on a scale of one to 10, one being this isn't upsetting at all to me, 10 being, this is the most upsetting thing I've ever had happen to me in my life. I want you to choose something that's about a seven or an eight. So not the hardest thing. Not the easiest thing. Think about something that feels heavy. Maybe it's your boss. Maybe it's your board. Maybe it's your team that reports to you. And I'm just gonna throw out a an example and see if this resonates with you. If so, you can write it down. If not, you can find a thought that fits better. Here's the thought. They expect too much of me. Notice what happens in your body when I say they expect too much of me. And if there's a little charge, then maybe that's, if it feels like there's a little bit of oof, there's a little bit of an electrical charge around that, that might be a thought for you to work with. So they expect too much of me. Or it might be I'm not able to succeed in this job the way it's set up, or they want me to be different than who I actually am. I so find your thought. That feels like, ooh, that's a, that's a, that one hits a tender spot for me. That's your thought. And write it down. And my first question about it is, is it true? Is it true? Just a yes or no? That they expect too much of me or that this job is, nobody's able to be successful at this job. I am not able to be successful at this job. No defending, no, no explaining. Just notice what comes up. Yes or no. Is it true? And then question two, can you absolutely know that it's true? If you answered no to question one, then no will be your automatic answer for question two. But maybe you answered yes to question one. Yeah, they do expect too much from me. Slow it down. And think about this one. Can you absolutely know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's true, that they expect too much? Let it be an honest inquiry and write down your answer, sir. And then question three, how do you react when you believe this thought? What feelings come up for you when you believe? They expect too much of me when I believe they expect too much from me. I feel resentful. I'm back in third grade being accused of something I didn't do, and I'm sitting at my desk with my arms crossed over my chest pouting, angry. They're not seeing me. They expect something different from what I can deliver. So I notice that in me when I think of that question or that statement, they think too much of me. I feel an inner, huh? My arms went across. I withdraw emotionally, I withdraw. I say. I'm not safe here, so I'm just gonna shut up and send daggers with my eyes. And you might notice tightness in your chest. You might notice your jaw clenching up. You might feel resentful. You might notice overwork a pattern of overwork or shutting down. Or you might find yourself fantasizing about quitting. Do you have that daydream where you're like, siara suckers, and you just throw up the deuces and you're out the door? Good to notice when I believe this thought, they expect too much of me. I go into this fantasy of blowing it all up. And leaving it all behind, and then they'll be sorry. Right? That's a pattern. So just notice without judgment, not trying to fix anything. Notice what comes up for you when you believe. This thought I, and now question four, who would you be without this thought? So if you didn't have this thought. I am working with the example, thought they expect too much of me. If I didn't have this thought, who would I be? I think I would be lighter. I think I would be a person who laughs more. Who takes things with a little bit of a grain of salt, a little more ease, I would have more ease in my body. My gut wouldn't be clenched all the time. Hmm. That's interesting to notice. Without the thought, they expect too much of me. There's a relaxing that happens. So what's the thought you wrote down? And who would you be without that thought? Maybe you'd be calmer. Maybe you'd be clearer. Maybe you'd have better boundaries. Maybe you'd be able to be more direct without worrying about the consequences of someone not liking you. Let yourself imagine that version of you just for a moment without the thought. Now, this next part can be really a little bit tricky, so I want you to lean into this. We're gonna turn the thought around. This is the holding the diamond in our hand and turning it to the side just a little bit to look through a different facet. So let's turn this thought around and make it the opposite. So they expect too much of me might turn into, I expect too much of me. I want you to turn your belief around. Write down the opposite belief. Okay. Maybe. They expect too much from me turns into I expect too much from me. And how, what are some examples of how that could be true? Write down two or three examples of how the opposite thought could be true. Just turning the diamond looking through another facet just as a thought exercise. So I'll continue with my example. Okay. I expect too much of me. I notice I'm stacking my calendar with so many things that I inevitably end my day feeling like a failure.'cause I didn't get'em all done. I expect too much of me, and that's showing up in my calendaring of the work. Good to know what's another way. I expect too much from me. Could be true. Well. I realize that I'm expecting myself to do this job like a fundraising robot. Just go, go, go, go, go without building in meaningful break times. I notice when I have a fundraising event, I'm not scheduling any rest the next day. That fundraising event is predictable. It's on the calendar, but I expect too much of myself because I scheduled meetings the next morning. That's an example of how I expect too much of me, right? So nobody's doing that to me. I'm doing that to myself. Good to notice, maybe the opposite of your thought is I haven't clearly communicated my limits. How is that true? Or maybe the opposite thought is I expect them to understand without me leading the conversation, how am I expecting others to read my mind? Well, here's how that's showing up. I am not being clear about what a project entails. I'm asking my team to carry out this project without those clear parameters, and then I'm feeling resentful when the project is not done the way I expect it to be done. So we're just looking at these thoughts. You don't have to agree with any of them. Just notice again on the inside if one of these lands, even a little, if you feel a sense of oof when you hear me say it, that's medicine for you. I encourage you to lean into that one if it hurts even a little. There's something in there for you that's, this is what I mean when I say using fundraising for our healing, because the truth is, if something makes me feel like, oof, then that's maybe a, an old belief that's coming up for healing an old pattern that's due for an upgrade. And if I am able to face that thing and work through that old belief and upgrade it into a new belief, then I will be at a more healed, more resilient place to be able to do my work from there, rather than being dragged around by this old belief. So this, do you see how this is a. Potentially freeing process because it helps shine a spotlight on the tender parts of us that are just asking for some attention. And this is where a lot of fundraisers get stuck. And I found that when I would gather with other fundraisers, there was really like, um, um, a mutual energy exchange around discussing how bad things were. Especially how executive directors didn't get it, how our boards didn't get it. Do you know that feeling of feeding off each other's energy and kind of the one upsmanship of how bad you have it and how bad I have it? That's an exchange of energy that our nervous systems are doing, and it's actually really not helpful. It has the illusion of feeling like. I'm having, I'm, I'm in my power now because I'm having this conversation. I have this righteous indignation, but it's actually outsourcing our power to someone else. I'm feeling badly because someone else is doing it wrong. My boss is getting it wrong. Um, my staff is not performing the way that I want them to. When I'm talking like that and believing those thoughts. The power is outside of myself and for me, the way this showed up in my body was I felt drained at the end of the day. Oh man, where was my energy? Well, it was leaking out. I was saying, the boss is doing this wrong. There goes some of my power. My staff is doing this wrong. There goes some of my power. The donors are, are not blah, blah, blah. There goes some of my power and it's all leaking out of me. Right. If the story is my boss expects too much of me, therefore I have to quit, the board doesn't understand their role in fundraising, therefore I have to quit, then the relief is dependent on someone else changing. And that's not power. That's pressure. And if you've read Mel Robbins book, let Them the Let Them Theory, this is what she's talking about. When we focus on another adult, needing another adult to behave differently, we are not in our power. And that's a sure way to feeling. Frustration, resistance, and that feeling I described in the beginning of the little kid in the classroom, pouting with her, arms crossed. When I'm in that mode, I'm not in my power. I'm telling myself a story that someone's doing something to me and my life gets worse when I believe that quitting can be a powerful decision, but quitting because it's the only way you feel relief is different from quitting from choice. So I wanna ask you this. If nothing about the other person changed, what could you still change? What's still in your power to change your communication, your boundaries, your expectations of yourself, your willingness to say no. What is it that you could still change if nothing about them changed? So just so you get this process. Let's do a second short one, an inquiry, a different belief. So the belief, I can't do this anymore. Ask yourself, is it true? Well, I can do this more. Maybe I can't do it this way anymore. Maybe I can't keep abandoning myself anymore. And that distinction matters because that is all about stuff that you can control. And when you're focusing on what you can control, you are in, you power my friends and making a decision. From there is making a decision that is more aligned with who you actually are. Rather than being reactionary to the circumstances around you. So leadership doesn't mean staying silent, and it doesn't always mean staying put, but it does mean telling the truth first to yourself and then when appropriate to others. It might mean renegotiating your role or setting clearer boundaries or having a crucial conversation that you've been avoiding. I don't know if you've ever had the experience of, you know, there's a conversation you need to have and you don't have it, and it makes things so much worse and you all, I feel like for a while there I was the queen of this. I would dig in and be like, I'm not having that conversation, and I could go years. Of not having the conversation and who was the one that suffered? It was me. So having that conversation might mean leaving, but when you do that, after you reclaim your voice, after questioning the story, after returning your power to yourself, the decision feels very different in the body, and it actually feels very honoring. Of yourself rather than abandoning of yourself. So I want you to stop for a moment and take a breath with me here. Deep breath. Oh, long exhale. And just notice how your body feels compared to when we started. Not that it's better or worse, but maybe it's just different. And that difference is information. And before we close, here are a few key takeaways that I wanna leave you with. Number one, emotional urgency is information. It's not instruction. It's a feeling, not a fact. So you don't have to act just because something feels intense. Number two, when your relief depends on others, changing your power is outsourced, and an inquiry process like this brings your power back. Number three, quitting can be a powerful choice or it can be a reactive one. The difference is whether you decide from agency or from depletion. Number four, you deserve to make decisions from clarity, not collapse. Slow is not wrong, it's wise. Number five, you are allowed to question the story before you change your life. If this episode stirred something for you, I invite you to sit with it, journal with it. Listen again, use this process for your upgrade, for your healing, and if you want support, learning how to make decisions from this more grounded place, that's the work I do. You don't need to be rescued, you don't need to be fixed. You just need to come home to your own authority. We'll see you next time.