EP9: Through the Storm: Jessi Bang's Journey to Self-Love and Empowerment!

Resilience and Self-Love: Jessi Bang's Inspiring Journey

In this episode of the Irene Podcast, guest Jessi Bang opens up about her challenging past relationships and experiences of childhood trauma, abusive relationships, and divorce. Jessi shares how she navigated through these difficult times, often feeling responsible for others' happiness and striving for love and validation. She talks about overcoming patterns of unhealthy relationships and ultimately finding self-love and resilience. Despite numerous hardships, including losing possessions and facing emotional turmoil, Jessi discusses how these experiences contributed to her growth and wisdom. Now a successful news reporter and a loving mother, Jessi emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, personal strength, and the journey of healing. The episode inspires listeners to recognize their worth and resilience, and to learn from life's challenges while striving for genuine happiness and peace.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:35 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact
01:08 First Relationship and Its Challenges
01:42 Marriage and Divorce at a Young Age
02:14 Toxic Relationships and Self-Blame
03:16 Patterns of Unhealthy Relationships
08:32 Second Marriage and Its Downfall
09:45 Learning and Growing from Past Relationships
16:22 The Transformative Power of Parenthood
16:39 Career Reflections and Discovering Passion
17:48 Embracing Self-Love and Healing
19:35 The Impact of Telling Your Story
21:13 Learning from Past Relationships
22:09 Overcoming Challenges and Building Resilience
28:20 Final Thoughts and Lessons Learned

Jessi Bang

Check out Irene Cares on other platforms:

- Irenegpt.ai
- Instagram
- TikTok
- Youtube

Transcript

Welcome back to the Irene Podcast. Today we have with us Jesse Bing, and she's gonna tell us her story,

right? I am not really sure where to start. I was just saying that I haven't talked about this in so long, that it's kind of a, a wild. Thing to look back on where I feel like it kind of wasn't me. It's like an out of body experience for sure, but I don't talk about it. Yeah. So start at wherever you wanna start.

You can start at the beginning and you can start like maybe with something that maybe led you to one of those relationships that Yeah. You were talking about earlier. Just start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So if I, if I am being honest with you and myself, I have to talk about, I had some trauma, childhood trauma growing up.

That had to do with my sister. And because of that situation, I think I kind of, I really, I trying to think of how to word this. I really strived for her acceptance and love that I never received. And I think because of that it led into unhealthy relationships because I was constantly seeking validation and love in the wrong place.

So I just kind of, yeah. You know, I'm not a psychologist, but say that, that's kind of what happened. But you know, selfly. Yeah. Yeah. So my first boyfriend in high school he actually was in a car accident and he went through the windshield and the car rolled and, mm-hmm. He ended up in a coma and. By the time he woke up, he thought I was his sister.

So it was kind of very surreal experience. And before that accident happened, it was a very unhealthy relationship too. I mean, he was threatening to kill himself over the phone with me if I broke up with him and, and all of these things. So that was my first, you know, romantic relationship was not healthy.

Yeah, not healthy at all. And then I went onto another relationship. I was 19 when I got married for the first time. I'm divorced twice, so. Just riding the conductor of the train of that divorce life. But yeah, I was 19 when I got married and 26 when I got divorced. So that's a very, very important part of your life.

I mean, a big chunk of an impressional part of my life and it. It was hard. Yeah. Well that's when your frontal lobe is still developing, right? Yeah. You're still trying to figure out who you are and Right. And what's good and what's not good. And Yeah. And unfortunately in that situation, and this is something that I don't think many people even really know about me at all, even like some of my closer friends, but that situation was.

Extremely toxic. It was good until it wasn't, and that was very pretty fast. But he had a gambling addiction and unfortunately there was abuse there. And I, my parents actually lived about 20 minutes from me at that time, and I didn't tell them anything. I didn't feel comfortable. And a part of me felt like it was my fault.

And I know you yes, hear that, but it was kind of like, oh no, it's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed him about the gambling or I shouldn't have, you know, whatever. And so. Lived with that for. Well, and an important thing to remember about that too is I think that's when we're trying to figure out like, how did I get here?

Yeah. So we, we can only analyze ourself, right? So when we're trying to figure out how did I get here? Then we say, okay, what was my role in this? And it, a lot of times it's, it's not that we put ourselves in this situation, it's that it came on so gradually that we didn't realize until we were in the thick of it.

And then we're like, okay, now what do I do? Yes. Right. And I think as a female too, we always look at a situation and say. Well, I, I would never do that. I don't know how that person did that. I wouldn't put up with that. I would've done X, Y, Z. Yeah. And it's like when you're in that situation, you never think you're going to be that girl.

Yeah. And then you become that girl and it, it, yeah. And then you're like, this is wild. Wait, how did I become this girl? I was not gonna become, become this girl. Right. Yeah. He ended up cheating on me, and I took him back anyway. And there was just this big, it was, it was a nightmare. But at the time too, getting divorced at 26, I felt like at that time I hadn't.

Nothing. I mean, I literally felt like I had nothing. I was 19. I was a teenager when I got married, which is wild. I see a 19-year-old now, and I'm like, that person can't get married. Yeah, baby. But I did that. And so when everything fell apart, I, I didn't know what to do. I lost two houses. I lost two cars.

I lost everything. I had nothing. And moving forward was really hard, but. It's amazing to me how you could pick yourself back up and be so much better. Because I look back and think if I had stayed, where would I be now? And it's sad to think of what that would've looked like. Yeah. You know, like if I stayed in that and just mm-hmm.

Thought this is just my fate, this is just what I deserve. Right. Or this is just what it is. Yeah. Yeah, a big part of it's taking your power back too and saying, I have a say in my life and what I'm gonna do and how I want to be treated. I really do think that you teach people how. You want to be treated by what you allow them to do.

Yes, and I've learned that over time and kind of taken my own accountability in those situations because I put up with things and I make excuses for other people and why they do things and they do, even though I know they're wrong. So. Yeah, that was, I think sometimes we do that though too, because we see the potential that is possibly there.

Yeah. And we hold onto the potential mm-hmm. Instead of the reality. Yes. And so sometimes we're chasing potential and they're not. Yeah. And so we're chasing this potential that we see in them, and they're off in the weeds over here. And we're like, but come over here 'cause look, look what I see in you. And they don't see that in themselves, so they can never quite get there.

Because they're not thinking the same way we are about them. Yeah. Which I think as women, I think we do that a lot more than men do. Typically. Yes. Because we wanna see the beauty in everything. We wanna see like, okay, I made a good choice 'cause I see that this person can be X, Y, and Z. Mm-hmm. But then they start heading down.

A completely different way. Yeah. And then we just don't like, what do I do now? What do I do? Mm-hmm. Because now I'm in it. And I'm in it. In it. Yeah. And he's not what I thought he was gonna be. He's over here now. What? Yeah. That's like been the pattern of my entire relationships. I feel like, not, not now, but I mean, for a very long time.

It was like I, I would get. Attached to somebody who wouldn't really show me their true colors until after I was attached. Mm-hmm. And then at that point, I felt responsible for them. So I would hang on and try to fix things because I know we're fixers and of course, yeah. You can't change somebody else, but you think you can or, yeah.

Yeah. And, and I think that comes from a place of love and care and concern. Yeah. Like you see that it could be something. Right. And so it's hard not to like hold onto that when you're trying to maybe salvage something. 'cause you don't wanna feel like, oh my gosh, I did this again. Yeah. Yeah. I, I mean, I got, I got married again and I experienced just the person I was with kind of lived off of me financially.

And there was a lot of, it's just, it's interesting how. I don't even know how to put this, but you think lower of yourself without meaning to when you're in those situations. Because if you did think higher of yourself, you would pull yourself out. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I think I've kind of always gotten to a point where I let that other person be the deciding factor to break things off, even though I should have done it a long time ago.

Yeah. So I'll like cling on and then it falls apart and. It's, which I think sometimes we can trace back to something that happened way in our past that we haven't Yeah. Fully processed, fully dealt with. Fully healed from. Right. So it'll keep showing up in just really weird ways. Yeah. And like I was divorced at 21 years old.

I was married at 19, divorced at 21, and I look back and I'm like, I don't even know who she was Yeah. Or who she is. Yeah. Because I'm, I've come so far down the path from that. I think my situation was like naivety. Mm-hmm. Is that a word? How do you say that? You know what I mean? Yeah. I get it. Like just being so naive that you don't realize what potentially could be out there that could hurt you.

Yes. And even though your parents are saying, be careful, you're like, fine, I got this. Mm-hmm. And I think sometimes you feel so comfortable in a bad situation that that. Comfortability is something you lean into even though it's bad because it is more comfortable. The unknown. It's comfortable. Exactly, exactly.

Yeah. So when when my husband cheated on me, he ended up, we ended up getting back together and I, I know at that time I did that because it was comfortable to get back together. 'cause I didn't know what the rest of my life was going to look like, but it wasn't because it was a love situation. It was comparability.

So definitely noticed that stepping out of my comfort zone and. And taking steps into, yeah. I mean, it, it makes such a big difference. And I wouldn't be where I am today if those things hadn't happened. Yeah. So let's talk about that second marriage. Yes. Well, things were really easy, and I will say too easy before we got married because we didn't really have a lot of, like, there was no.

Arguments or, I don't know. It just felt so, so easy that I thought, well, this is how it's supposed to be. Supposed to be easy. Yeah. And then yeah, from the, from the difference from between the first relationship and this relationship. Yeah. I think just overall it just felt like, oh yeah, we're supposed to get married and this is gonna be great.

Yeah. But I was very naive because there was a lot under surface that I didn't know about. So like debt and just all sort, I mean, there's, there's a lot of stuff. He lives here, so I don't really wanna go into too much, but unfortunately he has a pattern. He's been married way more times than me, and he kinda has a pattern of the things that he does, but I didn't realize those things until it was too late.

Again, I felt responsible for him. So trying to fix it all. Yeah, yeah. Trying to be a fixer. Yeah. But. So then that relationship ended and then what? I stayed single for a while. And then I, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about my, my relationships. No, it's not because I'm like, oh, geez. Well, I wanna help you shift your perspective on this.

Yeah. Yeah. I've been through a lot of messy stuff too. Yeah. Right. And everything I've been through, I have zero regrets because every single thing that happened, I was able to learn a lesson. Yeah. And if I didn't, maybe showed up in a different way, but then I did learn it. Yeah. So it's like we need to be more, I think we need to have more grace with ourselves because I really, truly believe that.

We're all on this journey to try and figure out how to be happy, to have joy, to have peace. Yeah. And sometimes along the way we have to learn a lesson the hard way, but everything challenging that's happened in my life has built me into a next greater per version of myself. Absolutely. And I see the beauty that you have in your beautiful daughter, and I just like, yeah.

I think like, you know, these things feel like such like dings to you. Right. But it's not a chink in the armor. It's actually just another level up. Yeah. Like every time you get through a hard situation, a hard relationships, something that like in the moment felt really damaging, you have created like.

Another level Up version of yourself. Yeah. Level up version of yourself. So I agree, it might sound messy when you're retelling it. I'm like, is this my story or someone else's story? But the beautiful person that you are today is because you have persevered through all of those. Yeah, I agree. I think my, my relationship, pattern has always kind of been that feeling of abandonment. Yes. And so I feel like I'm in a situation and I kinda put myself there until that person leaves me and it's like, oh, then I'm abandoned again and everyone's the same. And I have this story in my head. So I, I dated around for a while and then my next relationship was actually somebody.

Who lived in Colorado and he would come here on the weekends. And then I found out probably six or seven months into the relationship that he actually had pending charges for harassment against him from his ex. Wife who was actually his current wife that he was living downstairs from. So, yeah. So again, already attached, right?

Already attached. And I'm, I have to say that this guy is a, a great person, like as a person, he really is a, a, a good person. It just one thing after another. So then he took a plea deal and was on probation. And wanted to move here to continue the relationship. And so again, I was like, how, how did I become that girl?

I ended up riding his probation officer and helping him get to move here, but then his, he found out his mom had cancer and so almost right away he had to go back. And start and, and see her and spend time with her. And because he was on probation he ended up leaving to go back. So it was like another one of those like, yeah.

Even though it wasn't because he chose his mom over me. I mean, that sounds selfish. It was just the concept of being left again. It's like, oh, I didn't get chosen again. Yeah. And so he moved and there was more to that story. But yeah, it's, it is pretty wild. Yeah. I have been in some very interesting relationships, but every time I feel like I could help the other person.

Yes. And one thing I've learned is that you, you definitely cannot help someone that doesn't want help. And also you can't change anybody. I mean, yeah, kind of. Should know that. Yeah. I mean, but, but it's okay. Like, that's the thing is like we have all, we were all raised in different households, right? We all have different things that like to us stand out as attractive or unattractive.

We all have different things that like we believe to our core. Like I think people can change. I just know that we, I can't change somebody else. But if they are willing to put in the work, absolutely. Because I've seen the change in myself over, yeah. You know, I've been with my husband for 25 years now, and it's a, it's like even in our relationship, like there were times where things were not perfect and not beautiful and not great.

Yeah. But. We worked through those things and we both decided that it was worth it to put in the work. Yeah. And to, and to, and to put in the work to each other, for each other and for our children. So, do you wanna hold her? Well, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah. So, I, I just, I dated with a purpose.

When I, I, I got to a point where, because of the relationships I was in, I was taking so many things. And accepting them when I wasn't okay with them, that I decided to take charge of my own relationship. And it was like, I'm Jesse, I wanna be a mom, and I wanna be a mom soon, or I can't be a mom. So if this is not where you're at in life, then we're just not Yeah.

You know, in, in the same space. You space just took control. So instead of Yeah. Accepting what was, what was in front of you, you decided to say, no, this is not acceptable anymore because I've done that and Right. I've learned my lesson now. Yeah. And so it's better for me to be alone and happy Yes. Than it with somebody that I'm always constantly trying to change or fix.

Yeah. And I'll say my boyfriend Curtis is amazing because he's very patient with me as far as like, I, I have those things from my past relationships. You know, I have some trust issues and I have, I don't know, I have my own walls still. Yeah. And I think finding that person that. Loves you. Where you're at is important and then supports you and pushes you to be better and to stand up for yourself.

Yeah, because I'm not very good at that. It's still something I'm working on. I don't like confrontation. Yeah. So when, if it is an uncomfortable conversation of any kind, I avoid it and it's, it's not a good thing. So he is trying to push me to stand up for myself. But that's beautiful because like being with somebody that supports you.

Where you're at and kind of helps you on that healing journey. Right. It feels less like heavy and overwhelming I think sometimes. Yeah. Like just knowing like I do have support. He's not trying to change me. He's supporting me in my change of myself, like what I want better for myself. And that's so beautiful.

And that's like, to be honest, that's who my husband has been for me too. 'cause he found, yeah, he got me broken too. I was gosh, how old were we? I was 23 when we met. And I had been married and divorced, and then I had got pregnant, placed a daughter for adoption. So at this point in my life, I'd lived a full life and I was only 23 years old.

So like I, I had things that happened in my life that were just very, very, very hard. Yeah. And when I met him, I wasn't totally healed, but he has given me that space to do that healing. And he's like a wise old al, I've always told him this. Oh yeah. Like, he's so much wiser than his age. He he just always knows what to say.

And how to like, help me to process what I'm trying to deal with. I always tell people, especially like my kids, I, I'm like, you guys don't even know how much I love you. Yeah. Because until you have a child, you don't understand your capacity for love. It changes everything. And you can't even, and you can't even describe it.

It's something that you just have to experience. Having a child is just, it's next level, it's next level love. Yeah. And I will say moving forward with those relationships too. It has reflected in my life in different ways. So I also was doing that same type of accepting things that were unacceptable in my career and job.

Parts of my life. And once I was able to, to shift that, I mean, I, I love what I do. I, out of everything I've ever done, which I've had a different careers in my life this is just, it's what I was meant to do. It's your thing. I love that. I love it. So, so what is it that you do? So I'm a news reporter for St.

George News. And I specialize in doing small businesses, so local businesses and travel stories and. Recovery stories, just really meeting people in the community that I would otherwise never even know were here. Yeah. And I, I love it so much. I get to express myself in different ways and. Do a lot of content creation's and meet people.

Yeah, I love it. I love it. I just love when, when you can find the thing that's just your thing. Yeah. And like sometimes we find it when we're in our twenties and sometimes we find it in our thirties and sometimes like me, we find it when we're almost 50. Like, this is my date, this is what I'm supposed to do.

I know it's what I'm meant to do. Right. And I think, I just think back on my life and I go all of those things that happened. Have made me the person I am today to be able to speak to women the way I speak. The healing that I've done has been able to give me a perspective to help women to see like, yeah, we are so hard on ourselves.

Oh, absolutely. But if we take a step back and look at us from somebody else's perspective, let your husband let your spouse, let your boyfriend let somebody close to you in your life that you love and respect. Tell you how they see you. Mm-hmm. And try to see yourself through their eyes sometimes. Yeah. I think it helps us heal a little, and I think sometimes we're taught that if we think a certain way about ourselves, we're so egotistical.

But I think, no, I love myself and I am who I am. Yeah. Because of my experiences and all of those experiences have created this beautiful person that I am. I truly can say that I love myself to the core, and I want that for every single woman out there. Every single man out there. I think that everybody deserves to feel about themselves.

Like, don't get me wrong, I'm still hard on myself. You know, when you see dimples on your leg or something, you're like, I'm working so hard, you know? Right. But it's those little things that don't matter, and when we can take a step back and go, wow, like. I truly can make an impact with what I'm doing. 'cause that's what I've always wanted.

Like what can, what do I like? I've always searched my mind high and low. What do, what can I do to that just fills that, that part of my soul that just needs to be filled. Yes. Right. And it's different for everybody. Like Yeah. Yeah. I always wanted to, to feel like I was making a difference in what I was doing.

Yeah. I did different things and there, there was some, you know, things where I felt like I. Made somewhat of a difference, but in, in my line of work now, it's incredible because I, I can change a business owner's life. I can Yeah. You know, tell people, trust me with their really, really personal stories. Like the way they trust you.

Yeah. You know, and I get to tell their story to the world and they trust me to do that. And that's. That's an incredible feeling. And then hearing the positive feedback from people who love the article that I wrote, that means so much to me that I was able to do their story justice and yeah. Yeah, it's, it's incredible.

So, yeah. Loving What you doing, Mitch? How beautiful. I love that. And I love that, like you took the time alone. To do some of that healing so that when you were out going, okay, let's try this relationship thing again. Yeah. That you were able to get yourself to a position of like, no, not good enough. Instead of like, I can work with that.

Yeah. That's what I was always doing. I'm like, oh, there's only red flag. That's fine. The flies are on fires even better. But when we can, when we can truly, truly just like. Be ourselves, accept this, this, and this, and then all of that is off the table. And then hold ourselves to that standard. Yeah, because I think sometimes we accept those things 'cause we don't feel worthy of what we really, truly want.

Oh yeah. Yeah. And so once we can get to the place where like I am worthy of that, which by the way, we all are, and we've all always been worthy of those things, but somewhere along the way we convinced ourself that we weren't good enough. Yeah. And once you decide that, I think you seek out situations to make yourself be right.

So I think that's what I was doing my own. Oh yeah. She was like, you know, I didn't really think I deserved a lot of things and so I picked people that really agreed that I deserved those things for. Yeah. You're like, yeah, we're good right here. Right? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. That's funny that you say that.

'cause I, I, I, that's one of the things that like, that's a hill I'll die on, is that whatever you actively are seeking, you will fight. Yes. Good or bad. Mm-hmm. Wherever your mind is. Yeah. It's always trying to prove you, right? Yeah. So whatever you're thinking, your mind is always like as ego. Ego. Yeah. And it's gonna show you, some people always leave me and it's like, oh, I find someone that left me.

Yeah. Weird how that happens over and over and over again. Right. Because that's that, that, that's the story you were telling yourself. But once you decided. People have left me, but that's not who I am. Who I am is I'm somebody that's worthy to be loved for who I am. Yeah. I'm somebody that's worthy to have this beautiful daughter in my life with an amazing man that helps me to become a greater version of myself every day.

And not to say that you have to be in relationship for those things, right? Yeah. But I think that if you can find that beautiful balance of he loves me, but also challenges me to be better, I just think that that's like. The lottery. Yeah, you just won the lottery. I think once you realize too that experiences that happen in your life don't define who you are unless you let them.

They you do in a positive way. Meaning that I've learned a lot. Like you said, I've had a lot of life lessons and had I not done those things, I just, I don't think I would have the wisdom or perspective that I have now, and I wouldn't have the career I have would have the baby that I have and, and the resilience that you have.

Yeah. Yeah, I, I, I think it's good for us all to remember that the sum of our choices and, and experiences. Can either hold us back because we focus all the negative that came from those. Yeah. Or it can propel us forward. And if you think about it, it actually pushes you forward further if you let it. Yeah.

Than it does pushing you back. Because you can stay a victim, right? Yes. You can just be like, I'm a victim of being left. Yeah. The rest of my life. Nobody wants me. I'm not good enough. Right. Like whatever narrative. Mm-hmm. Like you said that you tell yourself is what comes to, to fruition in your life. So you chose to, instead of like, you know, it's like, what is it?

The definition of insanity is making the same decisions and expecting a different outcome. Well, you like made a couple decisions and you're like, I don't want this, this doesn't feel good. I don't like being left. I don't like, yeah. Feeling like I failed this another relationship. So you chose to be like, no, I'm gonna lay it on the table and I'm gonna let them leave.

And it's okay if they leave. Yeah. 'cause they're not my person. Well, and the one thing that I, so I did this training once, that was so interesting to me because it, it tells you about how the victim mentality can really be detrimental to you as a person. You would, it was this big group of people, we were on a circle and you would outside, they started pairing up between two people.

So it was like two chairs, two chairs, two chairs. And you would go from person to person and you would tell them your victim story. Something that happened to you, something that someone did to you, right? And by the time you've done it for like the fifth time, you're thinking, this is ridiculous. I don't even wanna talk about this anymore.

But then you realize you've been doing that your whole life. Like, I'm gonna go from person to person and tell my victim story. And I was like, what? What have I been doing? Like it really makes you think, oh my goodness, what's the point of that? Yeah. This person did this to me. Well, and I, when I, I love that.

I love that scenario. Right. I love that they did that for you, because that's really what it is. Like the more that we retell our victim story, the harder it is to move away from that. Mm-hmm. Like. I think that as women, we need to tell our story a certain amount. 'cause for me, I have to say it out loud to process.

Right? So I have to say it a certain number of times and then I have to be like, okay, I'm done. I don't like the way that feels. It's gross. It's not who I am. It's not who I want. It's not how I wanna feel. It's not who I wanna be. So now what? Now? So I, I wanna remember that situation because I want to use it Yeah.

To never be there again. Right. And to relate to other women and people that come and help. Yeah. Yes. And I'll share my story still. Yeah. But from a different place. Exactly. So now when I share my story, it's not like, oh, poor me, I was a victim and for the rest of my life, I'm this poor. Yeah. I can't do anything else because this happened.

Yeah. Yes. It's like, no, or I can say, look, this happened to me, but it was the best thing ever because it taught me X, Y, and Z. And then in my next relationship, all of those things were off the table, but I got to learn more. Yeah, that I wanted to be off the table too. So then my next relationship, when it ended, I'm like, okay, throw that in the basket of not again.

Mm-hmm. And then just move forward and just decide. And I think that that's how we kind of evolve and learn about ourselves and about what's acceptable and what's unacceptable. 'cause sometimes you have to experience something to realize it's not free. Oh yeah, exactly. Someone else can tell you not to do something until you do it yourself.

You're like, like, we could probably handle that. Then you're like, okay, you're right. I shouldn't have done that. But I have a new perspective now. Yeah, and I, and like, 'cause I have a list of like, before I met my husband, there was this list I had created in my mind of ne like all the red flags that are like, yeah, I'm done.

The second that I see that, and so. I was, the relationship I was in before I met my husband, he was a great guy. He had a great job. He was really kind to me. But like, there were just these little things, like he would get very like, insecure if one of his friends talked to me and I'm like, I'm just talking.

It's not mm-hmm. I'm not trying to do anything. I'm just, I'm a kind person, but I'm not. That's, yeah. You don't have to worry about that. And he's like, well, it looks like, and I'm like, okay. And shortly after that, I ended the relationship. 'cause I was like, no, I'm not, we're not doing this jealousy thing because I don't.

I'm not gonna cheat on you, and I'm not what you're, you're trying to like project onto me that I am. Maybe that was a past girlfriend for you, but it's not me. Yeah, it's past. And so then it was just kinda like, it's not going away, so I, I'm done and I'd rather just be alone. And for a while like that, after that relationship, I actually was, I was like, you know what?

I'm gonna be by myself for a little while. 'cause I need to figure out why I keep getting in these relationships. Yes. And that self-reflection is so vital. Oh, absolutely. It's so important. And even though I was only 24 when I married my husband, it was just like I had, like, I feel like I had like. 30 years.

Mm-hmm. Of wisdom. Yeah. Because I put myself in the trenches for those few years. So I'm trying Experience will make you grow up fast. Oh gosh. And give you like greater perspective than somebody who's never really had to work that hard for it. Exactly. So I think that that's where my perspective is. I think that we should always just take the things that have happened to us and just be grateful for the lessons that they taught us.

Yes. 'cause they've created who you are. Exactly. Which is such a beautiful person. And like I see your beautiful daughter and I hear about your relationship and I'm just like, what a blessing. Like Yeah. Like how much more you probably appreciate having this beautiful baby. Oh yeah. If you would've, what if it would've come easily in your first relationship and then you had to do the messy with her?

Yeah. That would be really hard. Yes. But she was saved for this time and place. Yeah. She's just like, what a beautiful blessing. Very thankful. Very thankful. I never thought I'd be here, but in the best way. Yeah. Where I'm at in life, so, yeah. Is there any other part of your story that you, you think could help somebody else out there?

Oh. I really think that's it. I, I think just the, the journey of self-love is a, yeah, it's a journey. I think we're constantly working on that and, and recognizing what we deserve and what we want and, and pushing for it, and we're just learning and growing every day. So I'm not the same person I was last year.

I won't be the same person next year as I'm right now, and hopefully it's all for the best. But yeah. So last thing, what's the biggest lesson that you learned through like all of your life, not just dating marriage or anything like that, but like what is one thing that sticks out to you that helped you to grow the most, and then what did you do to enhance that growth from that experience?

I will say the one thing that I learned is that I'm definitely stronger than I, I realized, but I think because of all the things I've been through, I could look at a new situation that seems like. This huge trial and I can look back and say, you're gonna be just fine because you got through this. And that's way worse than this.

Like, so I always know I'm going to be fine because I've always been fine. Yeah. Despite how hard things have been. Like I've been in situations where I've sat in the middle of it and thought, how do I get outta this? How do I move forward? Like how am I going to survive this? And I have, and it's. I don't know if that's really good, like advice, but I just No, that's good because I think that I, so I'm a firm believer too, in like challenging yourself only takes you to another level, right?

Yeah. So I push myself in different areas of my life and I've seen so much growth. That. I think that it's good for us to look back on those experiences and be like, oh, I can do anything if I did that. Yeah. Because if you didn't have that perspective, you might not know what I'm capable of in the future.

Yes. So like one thing that happened to me, I'll just tell you this real quick. So when I first moved here, I moved here to open a portrait studio for the company I was working for, and eight months later, out of nowhere, they went bankrupt and I was not prepared. I was the area manager for New Mexico, Utah, and I was running the Utah studio.

Eight months. That's it. I had been here for eight months, no warning. District manager comes in and says, Hey, just so you know ripped today, today's your last day. And we're closing. And it was three days after I had bought my house. Oh, I hadn't even unpacked. I had just bought my house. I had no plan. I had used my savings for my down payment, and I'm like, I'm unemployed.

Like, what? But then I remember praying and that was exactly what came into my head was, you've been through worse and you've always been fine. And then it was like. Mm, you're right. Because I had started over more than one time with nothing at all. And I'm like, okay, well I have this house, so what am I gonna do next?

You know? Sure. But it was, it was that split moment of, oh my gosh, what am I gonna do? Like, dread. And then it was like, no. You are gonna be okay. I don't know how, but you always are. So, but how beautiful was that, that you have this quick little download from God that said it's okay, you've done harder things.

Yeah. This is like, this is financial. That's easy, that's easy to fix. You can always get another job and figure out like you can hustle to make that, that payment on your house. Exactly. You've been through such hard things that you're, yeah, you were taught your resilience. Mm-hmm. And in that moment, God was reminding you of your resilience.

And I love, that's a beautiful thing. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. You're welcome. Podcast. Thanks for having me. Again, we just wanna thank her for coming on the podcast and for her beautiful story. And if this resonates with you, please drop a comment below and let us know how you have been resilient in your own life through your experiences.

We love you. God bless.