EP25: The Foundation - Why Documentation Matters More Than You Think

Welcome to Irene Cares – your daily source for stories of resilience, healing, and empowerment. At IreneGPT.ai, we believe in supporting survivors on their journey to a healthier way of living.


Today we are dedicated to exploring how documentation can be a powerful tool, far beyond just legal needs. We delve into how tracking patterns, gaining personal clarity, and validating your experiences can reduce anxiety and provide a crucial sense of control. IreneGPT.ai acts as your protective filter and documentation engine, making the process easy and safe.


Learn what constitutes effective documentation – from emails and texts to notes, screenshots, and financial records – and understand how building a factual record can combat gaslighting and manipulation, powerfully validating a survivor's reality.


Join us to reignite your voice. Together, we'll learn to observe, make simple notes, and turn overwhelming situations into clear, actionable insights.


Irene Cares: Built by survivors, for survivors. Let's reignite your voice, together.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_04 1:20

Welcome. Welcome to the I Read Cares podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

Today you have hope. And Didi. The co-founders of I Read Cares. Today we want to talk to you guys about documentation.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

We do. But we wanna I hope um all of you moms out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. Yes. Yes. Something hopefully you did something exciting yesterday, or even just spent some quality time with your children or or family members or your m your own mothers or yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:53

Whatever. I hope it was everything that you wanted it to be for you that day. So I we were traveling half the day. Yeah, we were an event we went to on Saturday. So kind of got like, well, your kids were there. So that was beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Yeah, I gotta be around. I I feel bad. I took hope away from her family and I gotta be around life. I gotta be around my children. I was like, I gotta be around my children. But yeah, I have a daughter that is um going to college and I gotta see her and have breakfast with her and my other kids and and then drive home, drive home with them and then spend the rest of the day.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

So that was exciting. And then when I came home, I came home to an immaculately cleaned house. Oh yeah. And lobster and steak dinner. Yeah. And that sounds my bed because I missed my bed while I was gone.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

Yeah, I don't do well not being in my own room. Like I I want my own bed. Yeah. So I I completely understand that. Yeah. And then my daughter and I always end up sharing a bed when we're gone. And so then you're, I feel like I'm suffocating. Yeah. Yeah, I need to spread out. So that was nice. But the event we went to was really great. It was great. It was it was very informative and fun. And we met some wonderful people, wonderful people here in the state of Utah that are doing great things for for people who have been in um domestic violence situations or uh family court.

SPEAKER_03 3:26

Yeah, just kind of trying to like make everything fair and decent for all. Yes. I have to say I learned a lot.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

My eyes, my eyes were open to what is happening in our family court system.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

And and how much um change does need to happen. So um, we met some amazing people that are making big changes, and we met some we heard some sad stories, and we heard some beautiful stories, and yes, and you know, just a lot of like coming together to like kind of improve where there might be some cracks in the you know in the system. Yeah. So that's good.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Yes, and that kind of ties in what we're talking about today is documentation and and even at that event, um that that this topic was hit quite a bit, wouldn't you say?

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Yeah. Yeah, and even when we were able to present, you know, what we have to that to those women that were there, I think it was received very well because when you have so much information and you need to put it somewhere and you just don't know where to put it, then um we present this tool that's like, look, you can put it all there, and then you can Yeah, we have one central location and you don't have to search all over your computer or on your phone or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

It was you can store it right in Irene.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

And so that's and you can you know, you can get a report that comes out that's all of that information compiled into one place. So it's just real simple for you to give it to somebody that like an attorney or somebody that might need it too. So I think that's I think that's really really valuable for them, yeah, and helpful.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Yes. And what what I guess documentation is it is a critical, it is a critical tool for people who are going to be in family like family court or I guess in other situations as well. Yeah. And um I guess maybe we should talk about what it what is documentation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

Like what what what do you feel I feel like there's there's first I want to talk about like the reasons that we would document, right? Okay. Yeah. Do you document this what you need to document? For me, and I think everyone's a little different, but I think there's some things that might be the same for everyone. Is if you know that you can put it in a secure and safe place, you don't have to think about it anymore. Because you're like, okay, I'm gonna be able to find it because it's in that one place where all of the stuff that I need for court is for this, you know, for my anything to do with my ex, right? Or my kids. And so that's very empowering to know I have it all there. It's in a in a place where I don't have to keep going back and looking at it because sometimes when you have to go keep going back to look at it too, it can cause a little bit of anxiety, I think, around it. Oh, oh, definitely. You can bring up a lot of those emotions again. But if you can just put it somewhere and then and move on and be a mother and and go to work and whatever the other things are, you can kind of just let that leave your brain because you know it's taken care of and it's in a good place.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

Well, I know that's that sometimes in the hardest part, like the hardest moments of your life when you're not like you're not thinking about documentating, document like documentation at all. Like you're going, you're going through it and you're very depressed and you're sad and there's a hundred different things going on in your life. That honestly is the last thing you're thinking about. And it feels overwhelming. Very, very overwhelming. And it's nice to be able to know that you do have a place to put it because say you do receive an email and you can just click a button and be like, just go in that folder and I'll deal with it later. And then when you come back, it's it's there. Or, or say you're a few months down the line and there you are scrolling through your phone and you're you're looking at some kind of photo or some audio or or a video that you know that maybe came up on your ring camera or something and you forgot that you even had it. Again, a simple let's hurry and upload that and get it in there. And then maybe a couple months later, then if I need it, it is it's it's sitting there.

SPEAKER_03 7:18

And even if you never need it again, at least you have it somewhere where it's easy to access because you can put it in a specific folder too, right? Like so it's very organized and you have a lot of clarity. So this is for trips with dad for the kids. This is for um emails from dad, like just different things where you can you you get to decide how you want to organize it, but you can put it in a way that if you ever need to pull something up for a specific situation, you know exactly where it is.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

So and then, and because those folders are so labeled however they want, there's a lot of clarity there for them to pick and choose what they want to add to a report or something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

And and when we're talking about like labeling into different folders, so in ironing gbt.ai, we have a a place, it's called the vault. And that is where you can store all of your information. And so when when when Hope says you can store it in separate different folders, that's what you can do in the vault. So if you have certain emails, you can slide it on over and put it in that specific, that specific um folder. And um, and I know there's other, there's other forms of you know saving it in other, like in like Google, Google Docs or on your own hard drive or whatnot. Um, but we have created this tool, um, Irene GBT.ai, that you're able to also save it in in our vault.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

And the difference too, like let's talk talk about the difference between Google Drive and Irene's Vault. The difference between like like the reports.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So what once you do say you have a folder that um has a specific month, like say just the month of May. There was a lot of stuff because I know May is very chaotic for a lot of people. I know in our house we call it May Sember because it's you feel like you're you're it's never going to end. Like you say you just make a month of May, you can print off a report of everything that happened in the month of May, from all of your journaling to your emails to again audios, text messages, yeah, photos, whatever it is, you can you can print off a report for that specific month, month.

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Which is awesome because sometimes that might be when the other shoe falls, you know, like that whole feeling because you're navigating this new, you're trying to separate from the toxicity sometimes, but sometimes you still have to come together for the kids, like graduation or you know, the end of school stuff or whatever it is. It's I think depending on where you live, may for us here in southern Utah, but like June and you know, whatever. But it it's a way for you to be able to put it all there and just let it let it be there so you can just not have to dwell on it in your mind. Because for me, once I have something in a place where I know I'm I can come back to it, I can just like remove it from my brain.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Well, and from me, from like a personal experience, I remember being asked, like, okay, we need A, B, you know, like all these, all these things. And at that point in my life, I was in a state of mind that there was there was no way that I could figure it out. And I I remember sitting on the floor in my office surrounded by all of these documents and just just that was funny, just bawling. I don't know why. Sorry, I'm like a squirrel. Um, just bawling in the center of my office because I didn't even know what to do or where to begin. And um even when um I had some people ask me, well, how can I help you? And I didn't even know what what to say to them as I'm looking at these piles around like all around me, when for them it probably would have been easy for them to be like, Oh, well, you need this, you need this. And because there's no emotion for them. Yeah, no emotion for you. Yeah, exactly. And so knowing that now it would be stored in one place, and then I could be like, oh, I remember it happened in September or this and this, and then I can pull it all together.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

Oh, which is great because like you might need it for legal purposes, but just to have it like we have just been saying, like since we started this little segment, is just to be able to like have the peace of mind that when you do need it again, it's not gonna be an overwhelming burden to read through everything again because you can literally just click on the folder where you know it's all contained and not have to relive it again. Yes. And I think that's beautiful too, because it just it gives you like I mean, you could even if if you needed just that space, because Irene was created because you needed that space, right? So I yeah, if you need that space, we've created a way for you to have what you need and take care of what you need to take care of without having to re-traumatize every time you have to go through all of that information.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

Well, and and speaking of that, like you know, back to personal experience, um, yeah, we did we did create Irene GBT for this because honestly, some people don't even know that mental and emotional and spiritual and financial abuse is happening to them. And to be able to see, to upload a text message or even an email into Irene, and then for Irene to show you where the abuse is happening in these messages was just just seeing it sometimes helps you realize, hey, that behavior isn't okay. Yeah, it does give you clarity and like from a like for your mental health to go back to be able to almost like reduce your anxiety of thinking that you're going crazy, like, oh, I am all of these things that I'm being told, or these things are happening, but hey, wait, I don't remember it happening that way, but I'm being told that it's happening that way. Um that that this is one of the main reasons why we created irony is is in the vault specifically. And the vault, because then all of that can be stored in one place and you don't have to again go back to the worry about it. And and the meant the the mental place where you go of feeling insecure, all of the doubts, um, the anxiety, the anxiety of of trying to find all of this information. I I mean you can lose hours and hours of sleep. And so I am so grateful for the vault to be able to know that you can go right in there, click it, click it, and then be be finished. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

So and back to what you said about like making sure you document how it truly happened, not how somebody's trying to rewrite it. Yes, that also can be validating to you because you can go back and read it and say, look, I'm not crazy because I I wrote it down right after it happened, exactly how I know it happened. Yes, how I remember it happening. So when they come back to you and they're trying to rewrite the narrative for you, you can go back and see, nope, I was right. Well, I remembered it. I was right. Yes, because I wrote it down in the I wrote it down when it was fresh, so I know that that was accurate. That my that the way I remember is true.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Like you saying this like this kind of makes me happy because I had to do that. And I've I I think I've spoken to you about this many times. Like I would be in a situation and I would be home go home and I would write in my journal as fast as I could because I was afraid that the next day something was going to be told to me differently. And I mean, lo and behold, a month or two later, it was it was being told to me differently than how I remembered it. And I would go back into my journal and I'd be like, oh, yeah, I'm not the crazy one. No, it this this is how, yeah, this is how it happened. And and no, it didn't happen that way. And and I wasn't cruel and I wasn't unkind. And and and so being able to have that peace of mind saved me a lot of a lot of tears and a lot of you know, just depression. Like I guess depression, um, like being in a depressive state of mind because I was always fearful of hurting someone's feelings or being the bad person or being the bad mom or whatever it was when no, no, you're not, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

And also I think it's it's really good too, because then it can help you kind of pull back from that abuse too. So now you're out of it, but they're still trying to trigger you and get you in that back and forth fight. And you can go back and read it and then remember your the truth that the real truth. It's not even your truth, it's the truth.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

The truth.

SPEAKER_03 15:52

And say, Oh, I I remember it completely differently than you do. Which isn't to start a fight, but just to let them know it's the kindest way to say, You're wrong, and I know what happened.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Yeah. Or not or not validating the of them, you know, of someone telling you different. Like you can just be like, oh, well, I remember it different, and just kind of leave it at that instead of feeling the guilt and the shame of, oh my goodness, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

They're trying to rewrite it and tell you how you should remember it, doesn't mean that you have to remember it that way. Yes. And now we're, you know, a lot of times when you're documenting, you're in the place where you're like, no, I want to remember it accurately. Yeah. And so I will document. Yes. Yeah. Documentation is a big, is a big thing. Well, and I I love, I love the place, like just even the beginning. If you're just not even sure what the abuse is, that's what I love about our chat is our chat and the the text and analyzation and the response help. That's always free for everybody. Like anybody that wants to hop on there and just test out, like, what does this AI do? The AI that we created that's different than Chat GPT because there's these guardrails that we put in place because we want to protect your safety and your peace. And so we've done things with our tool to help you to know that you can trust her because you can even test her. We've done it. Yeah, we can do it. We put in some real toxic messages like, oh, this is what I want to say to my ex. And she's like, Hold on, let's uh let's wait a second. Let's talk about how it sounds, how you put it. And she'll even tell us. Oh, she'll show you the abuse of what you're saying. She'll show you like sometimes when you're in a certain chaotic state in your head, you just want to return fire with fire. Yeah. But that doesn't that doesn't help serve you. Yeah, that doesn't help you to heal. That doesn't help you to feel good in the moment, but it's not good. For a second, yeah. But then you're just gonna further this back and forth argument that we are all trying to get away from. Because there's no peace when you have to argue with a with a toxic person, you know. Yes. So it's it's creating that peace because we have this protective filter that kind of can create that space and show you what it is, and then help you like because sometimes we need to relearn how to respond too. So we're talking about documentation, but responding is also part of documentation because you want to get in this back and forth conversation, but you want it to be as short as possible.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Yes, you do. So because if you're documenting what the uh your the other person is saying, you're also documenting what you're saying as well, and what you're doing and your actions.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

Yeah, the beauty of the tool is when you analyze a text thread and it's him and you and her and you or whatever what the situation is, our tool doesn't just analyze one side of it. It doesn't, which I think is beautiful because if we're all trying to be better, then we want the whole thing to be analyzed so that we can see, like, oh, what's my role in this too?

SPEAKER_00 18:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 18:41

Because I can only change myself, I can't change the other person. So, what's my role in this? And how can I speak better? Can I better myself? And so Irene will help you with that better communication. Take the emotion out of it because sometimes that's what you have to do. Take all the emotion away and just respond with, yes, I can pick the kids up at two o'clock from school on Thursday. Yep. And that's it. And you don't bite on any of the other stuff he's fishing for you to bite on.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Yes. So I'm super grateful we're talking about this today. I think I'm very passionate about documenting and just having a clear mind, it's necessary for and not being in that state of chaos in your head anymore and to be able to let it go. Yeah, and there's so many things that you can document. And I mean, if you are getting ready for family court, I mean, ask your attorney like what is best and what needs to be documented. But I mean, you can document your emails, your text messages, again, any, you know, audio, video, um, police reports.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

Or like say they went on a trip with dad and a bunch of stuff happened on that trip, and it's all like stuff that the kids are telling you happened.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

And you can document that. The kids said so-and-so said this, so-and-so said that. And even if like some of that might be hearsay and not admissible in court, at least you have it documented so that so you remember that. If he tries to re rewrite that story for the children, you've already written what the children have said when they first came home. So it's documented in a in a way that you can help your kids to say, look, this is what you told me happened. I know, you know, maybe somebody's telling you something different, but this is this is what happened. And it's okay if it's different. You can just say, Oh, I remember it differently. You can even, you know, kind of try to help empower your children with those that kind of language for their because they're gonna have to deal with that person for as long as they get to as well. I mean, when they're kids for sure, but then after they're 18, they get to make that decision for themselves.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

So what else should we talk about? I think um the mental health aspect is a big one that we we touched on um.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

We did touch on it briefly, and I and I think that it's actually a a game changer. I know just because once you once you're not in that chaotic state of mind or you're actually seeing what is happening in your relationship or whatnot, and then you're finally able to distance yourself, that is when a lot of healing and growth happens. Um because the because sometimes when you're in that state of mind, none of that other stuff is important. Like none of the documentation is important. And all you really want to do is you're just surviving from day to day and you want to take care of your children and you want to take care of yourself, and you're barely, you're barely doing that um on a daily basis. So when you're able to actually separate yourself and find distance and find the peace, then that is where all the other stuff starts slowly becoming easier. So I I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 21:53

Because we need space to heal, right? We have to like have a separation from the abuse to be able to start to work on the healing. Because if you're Like, think about it when if you're in an abusive relationship, every day there's something happening that is hard for you. Oh, every day. Every day. Every day. There might be moments of happiness and peace, but it's always short-lived because there's something coming up, and your nervous system will tell you that. And then even when you start to go into that peaceful state, your nervous system might feel a little unsteady. Like it feels wrong to feel peace because, or it feels like, okay, yeah, there's peace, but what's coming? Yeah. Because you've been training. Yep. What is next? What is going to happen? That there is something coming. Don't get too comfortable in the happiness and the peace. Oh. But that's again, that's where you can create that separation. You can just say, look, if I just every time I get an email or a message or whatever it is, however you're able to communicate with that person, you can just put it somewhere and then go, that's for later. Or okay, I responded without emotion to that message and now I'm done. And I can just walk away because I don't I don't need to think about that anymore. And that's the thing too, is teaching yourself to giving yourself permission to create that space.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Yes. So that you can heal. Yes, because sometimes that's hard because you can overanalyze, you can read an email or a text message like a thousand times over and over again, like throughout the day. And you'll just be looking at it and then yeah, think about what it means, and then you'll and then you'll respond. And then now you're reading both of them over and over again. And that's not very healthy. So if you're even able to set it down, walk away from it, delete it. But I I mean, if you know that it's stored somewhere and you're able to get it out of out of sight, out of mind, so you can move on with your day. I mean, that is very good for your mental health. It's good to not have that anxiety or that sick pit, stomach, and you know, just that, oh, I I I hope that that was the right answer, or I hope I did the right thing, or I hope nobody else is gonna have the repercussions of what I just said.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

No, you're you're able to just, okay, let's let's just move on and it's taken care of somewhere else. And then what you just said just made me think of something too is like it's really good to take a step back and look at it like the big picture and say, what can I control? I can control myself and I control my my responses. I can't control the reaction that this other person might have towards somebody else. Yeah, my children, even towards me. I can't control any of that. All I can control is myself. So all I can work on trying to change is myself. Oh, correct. 100%. And then with that example, your children can then see, well, mom's doing this, this, and this. And look at how happy she is now because she's created this space. And and even if your children approach you, you can tell them these are the things I'm doing because you know, I want to have happiness and and peace. Peace is like the biggest word, I think. Oh because there's peace is the most happy for me, peace is the most underrated thing in the world because I need peace every single day. Yeah, and if life is really, really chaotic, I need to take a step back, be alone for a little while, and just kind of reset so that I can just be grounded again. And that's like I'm in a very healthy relationship, and but you know, life can still be chaotic, even if you're in a great relationship. So, whatever you need to do, whatever your thing is, find your thing that helps bring you back to peace. And I think that that's that's the best thing. As long as it's not drugs and alcohol. Because that can kind of exacerbate problems, yes, or just shift the problems to a different area of your life. Just find whether it's like for me, Dee Dee and I are a lot alike this way. We like to be outside, so sometimes we'll just go sit outside and just be outside, which is so nice, which is so nice. It just before it gets too hot here, but yeah, it's so nice. Put your feet in the grass, ground yourself, just do something to feel more connected in your own body. I agree, and I think that that's helpful. All of this kind of goes along with documentation because documentation, even though we're talking about it being good and taking it off your brain, it can still feel heavy when you're in the process of it.

SPEAKER_02 26:09

Yes, it can.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Because a little bit you have to relive some of that stuff while you're documenting. And reliving it is the worst. Yeah, it really is.

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Yeah. But we have to do it in the world. But it's necessary stuff. And like you should say, yeah, and if you just look at it like that, right?

SPEAKER_03 26:22

You just look at it like I just have to do this so that I can get it out of my brain and get myself in a place where I can just like relax a little bit because I don't have to worry. Did I do this? Did I do that? It's done.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

I wrote it all down, I logged it all, I uploaded it all, whatever it is. So now it's like out of my brain, and I don't have to keep overthinking that I'm forgetting something. Because if you just try to do it, when something comes in, do it. When something comes in, log it. When something comes in, put it in. If something happens like a verbal conversation, write it in the journal. Write it in the journal.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

Put the time, put the date, write it in the journal so that you know that's when that happened. And that's what happened. And this is what was said in the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

I like that. I like I like the documentation. I really do. Yeah, I think it's very important. I do too.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Well, I think that's I think that's good.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

I think that's yeah, thank you for joining us today and with at Irene Cares.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

And if you have any questions about any of this documentation, or if you have your own experience with documentation that you think could help others, please leave a comment below and let us know. And also check out our tool, which is Irene GPT.ai. Use the free chat, use the free analyze. You can upload a screenshot, have it analyze your screenshot, and see what she says, see what kind of abusive language is being used towards you. Or maybe it's not abusive. Maybe you're just you, you know, you're feeling some kind of way. And maybe she can you can just go to the chat and walk through it. Yeah, and talk with her. And even if you're still in a relationship, if the other person does want to improve themselves, you can use Irene as a tool to help help better your communication within your relationship. That's you know, you're just struggling a little bit. But if you both want to get better, you can. So there's many, many uses for our tool. And we just want everyone to to try to find that peace and that that happiness that you can regain in your life, and just focus on what you can control and try not to control things that are outside of yourself because that's gonna drive you crazy. Yes, it does. So focus on you finding yourself regaining that confidence within yourself through documentation. And we hope you have a beautiful and blessed day. God bless.