EP28: Finding Your Voice | Communicating with Confidence & Clarity

Today on the Irene Cares Podcast, we’re talking about The Power of Your Voice setting healthy boundaries, communicating clearly, and learning how to confidently express your needs.

Many people struggle with saying no, speaking up, or setting limits without feeling guilt or fear. In this episode, we explore practical tools to help you communicate in a calm, respectful, and confident way while protecting your emotional well-being and peace.

We discuss:
• The difference between assertive, passive, and aggressive communication
• Why healthy boundaries are essential
• Practical ways to say no and express discomfort
• How to communicate your needs clearly
• Letting go of the need to over-explain your boundaries
• How [IreneGPT.ai](https://irenegpt.ai?utm_source=chatgpt.com) can help craft calm, clear, and conflict-reducing responses

Learning to use your voice confidently is a powerful step toward healing, self-respect, and personal growth.

Watch now and share with someone who may need encouragement today. Available wherever you listen to podcasts.

#HealthyBoundaries #CommunicationSkills #PersonalGrowth #MentalWellness #IreneCares

Check out Irene Cares on other platforms:

- Irenegpt.ai
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- Youtube

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Hi everybody, welcome back to Irene Cares. We're gonna go at a different time again. We're gonna just We're back to lunchtime, English, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Depending on where you live.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Yeah. It's lunchtime. We've already had a good eventful morning. We've gotta go have some coffee with a wonderful group of women, and that was exciting today. Clarity. A lot of clarity. Got a little clarity. Communication and clarity.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

And actually, we are going to probably share some of that with you because our topic for today is finding your voice and helping you create healthy boundaries and that kind of thing. And that goes really well with clarity and communication, I think, too.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

I agree. Yeah. We wanted to focus a lot of our Fridays on empowerment and and communication can help. Even though it's Thursday. Yeah. Oh, it is Thursday. Oh my gosh. Today, my life feels like it's like you've been a day off all week, but that's okay.

unknown 3:25

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Let's do this. My turn. It's now a turn.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

Oh my goodness. Okay. But so we're moving into yeah, empowerment Friday for Thursday. I was not thinking.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

No, no, it's good because tomorrow I'm going to be solo because you're going to be out of town. So tomorrow I'll just come up with something really fun for Friday empowerment. But this, I mean, this kind of goes along with that, but this is a good segue into what I'm going to do tomorrow. So this will be beautiful and perfect. Um we just really, really, no matter where you are in your life, I think communication and clarity on everything is a constant. Like you're never to a point where you're like, I'm completely clear and I'm a great communicator forever the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Oh no, because different people come in and out of your life. And so you have to learn how to communicate with different personalities. Yeah, because not everybody's the same. Yeah. I agree with you.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

And so sometimes it's just teaching yourself how to have healthy communication, how to be very clear, how to set healthy, clear boundaries. We're not talking about cutting people out of your life, we're talking about creating a boundary so that you can still sometimes have a relationship, but there's clarity around what that looks like for you and for them.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

I didn't even learn about boundaries until a few years ago. I didn't even know that that that was a thing. Because if some if if I didn't want to be around someone or I didn't know how to communicate with them, I would just not not, yeah. Just not. Not have a conversation about it, just cut it off. Yeah, just okay, then I guess I'm I I'm not gonna be a part of that person's life, or they're not gonna be a part of mine. I didn't I never thought about setting boundaries with that person in order to have them in my life.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Uh so boundaries are very important and it can look different in so many, so many cases. I mean, you can have boundaries with your parents or with your spouse or even with your children. And it it does, it looks different in every single situation.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

And it's okay, like like we deal a lot with people who have been in very toxic relationships, like heavily toxic and and very um ugly, I guess, messy. Um, there are certain people, I truly believe there are certain people that it's okay to completely cut out of your life because if there's nothing good in that relationship, if it's just always this toxic or belittling or whatever they want to spew at you, you can try to create a boundary, but that's still gonna come through because they don't want to change. That's that's a healthy way to cut somebody out, I believe. Like if there's no way that you're gonna come to a place where you can agree, or you can at least agree to be respectful and kind to each other, then that's a situation, or they're very toxic and hurtful and abusive to you. Those are times when it's okay to kind of draw that hard line, like, okay, I can't have you in my life because you're not you're not helping me to be a better person and I can't control you. So the best thing for me to do is just cut you out, cut you out.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Or there's times too, like when you do go to confront somebody and let them know you're like, hey, this was really hurtful. Um, and I'm trying to get over this, and I I need to draw a line with you and let you know, like I'm trying to heal. And sometimes you see a different sign of that person of like, well, why did that even matter? How did I even hurt you? I didn't mean to hurt you. That wasn't my intention, or you know, and they're not accepting the responsibility of what they did. No accountability, no accountability at all. And then when you're when you're telling them, like, it's sometimes it's very difficult to tell people heavy stuff.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

And when they totally like disregard it as like, oh, but you were dismissed yeah, like, oh, you were really that hurt, and you're like, yeah, I really was. That it is good to set boundaries with those people to sometimes maybe distance yourself with them for a long time until you you think it is okay to come back.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

And yeah, and it's okay like to set that hard boundary, but but have a you could even have a time frame on it. Just like I just need space to repair and heal myself from this toxic relationship until I'm in a place where I can handle because some people you can't completely cut out because if you have children together, you have to speak to them. Yeah, but you can make it very minimum and you can say, okay, text only or email only or whatever it, whatever that looks like for you. It's I think that's that's a great thing to remember. Is it's okay that you say, okay, I will only respond to your emails. So if you text me, I'm not answering you. But I will respond to your emails. And like some of us feel like, wow, that's harsh, or or that's you know, maybe somebody might say, like, oh, that's not really that great. That's not healthy. Like, healthy is letting somebody in. Well, that's not true. If that person has hurt you, it's not healthy to let them in. Yeah. So it's okay to draw those those lines and say, no, only email. I will always respond to your emails, but that's the only form of communication I'm going to respond to because we have to communicate for the children. But I'm telling you, this is the only way that we're going to communicate for the children.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Well, and from personal experience, that was really hard for me. I remember um the first time I was told that, like, you don't have to respond within five seconds. You don't need to respond in five minutes. You can even take 24 hours to respond. And if you do want to only email, then you hold to that. You hold to that. And I thought, there's no way. There's no way. Like, how how do you communicate with somebody um in that manner? Oh, it's 100% possible. You don't have to have a telephone conversation or a face-to-face conversation or a tech conversation.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Sometimes you don't even have to have a conversation, depending on the subject matter. Sometimes it's a like for me, I sometimes it's a uh like a bait, like, oh, I'm gonna bait this person to get in this argument with me again. You know, they're they're they're fishing for that argument. Yeah. So are you gonna bite on that or are you gonna hold your ground and be like, no, I this is the boundary I set, and I'm gonna stick to that as uncomfortable as it feels in this moment now. Eventually it won't feel so uncomfortable because I'll be okay with that boundary. Because I think a lot of times there's guilt around it. Like you feel guilty when you set a boundary. Like, am I like being too harsh? Am I this? Am I that? But if it comes to your health and your mental health, I think that those healthy boundaries are something that you need so that you can further your health and your healing journey and that space that you need to not be triggered by this person constantly.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Well, and sometimes you also need um time to think about your responses. Yes. And I I'm one of those people that if I'm I'm trying to think ahead of what I'm gonna say, you know, in a conversation, right? You know, like, but I have learned if I take if I'm taking my time, then I can have better responses with something, especially when it's someone that I have a difficult time having a conversation with. That, like you said, if you set, you know, a boundary with an email or if you set a boundary with just a text message, like you don't have to respond with in a text message within two minutes. Yes, I know we have our phones like all right by us all the time, but you don't that doesn't mean you have to respond. Yeah. You can take your time, you can think about it. And there's situations or not even respond.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Yeah, there's situations where you don't need to respond at all. Yeah. But there's also like, like, let's kind of move towards those healthy relationships that we have. I think we still need to set boundaries sometimes in a healthy relationship that we have, you know, because it's like somebody there's, you know, we've all met people that like to monopolize our time. Oh, we were talking about this yesterday, because I don't know how to say no.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

And so we were talking about what are healthy ways of saying no. Yeah, because some people you love dearly, and you you need to take care of yourself too.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Because you should love yourself dearly as well. Yes. And if you love yourself dearly and you know you need time to reset and recalibrate and just like for me, I love people. I talked about this with somebody today, and they and I said, I love people, but I need my personal time. And well, no, I think I started out like, oh, I just need space. Sometimes I just need to be alone. And the person was like, Oh, are you an introvert? And I'm like, No, I'm very extroverted. I love people, I love communicating, I love being in a group, big group and talking to different people and learning about their lives and learning about what they do and learning about like what brings them joy. I love communicating with people, but also I am very a very empathetic person. So being around a lot of like, especially high energy. Well, it takes it out of you. It it drains me. Yeah. And I know that about myself. So in order for me to recalibrate and reset, I need to take that time for myself so that I can show up fully for those people again. Because if I never take that time for myself, I'm gonna be wiped out the next time I'm around a big group of people because I didn't reset. And I've learned that about myself. My I get overstimulated in a big huge group of people for a really extended period of time and then add like a lot of like movement to that where I'm using my energy that way as well, and I will just get fully depleted and I have to take that time to reset.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

So my younger daughter is a lot, is a lot that way, and at a very young age, um, I had to teach her how to um like put up a wall or especially with when she was in a huge group of people. Does that make sense? Like, so she didn't ever like the wall to not connect, but uh an energy and like of course because she was take, yeah, she would take in everybody's energy and then she would disappear. She would disappear for hours and we'd be like, hey, where is she? And she'd be in a room, or she would be taking baths, or she she had to like remove her stuff, remove her stuff because there was too many people, but she wanted. So it's just funny because she is the same. She we say, Oh, you have FOMO so bad, and she does, but then it's like takes too much out of her, and then she's like, Oh, I have to get away. And then she'll disappear for like an hour or two, and then she comes back and she's like fully recharged. So we had us, we had a teacher how to do, you know, different methods of putting, you know, putting up that shield, but but she was really little. And she was like, I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna pretend like I'm in a balloon and I'm floating above everybody. She's like, because I still want to be there and I want to see people, but I don't want to be by them. And so she always would picture herself floating above above them, and they couldn't like that energy couldn't get to her. And it worked for her for a really long time. And I mean, now that I'm talking about it, I kind of want to go back and revisit that revisit yeah, with her and see, hey, how what do you do now? Like, what it yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

But she's an amazing woman though, young young woman, and she's still young, but she's she she just I think she I just love her. She's so beautiful, just the way that she like the confidence that she has in herself, the way that she can stand up for herself, the way that she like does the things that just bring her joy. And she's always like, Okay, mom, this is what the plan is for today. And you're like, Okay, don't call me, I'm gonna be in a meeting. And she's calling you three times, but that's because she's like, Well, I got another plan. I my mom needs to know what I'm gonna be doing, things are changing, yeah, things are moving. But I think it's so great because like she does respect the boundaries, but at the same time, if she feels like her message is very important in that moment, she will still text you.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Yeah, yeah, she will and call me. I think she was calling me disparately. Just kidding, I don't know. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

But you know, when you're 15 years old, it's all about you and the world revolves around you. So like you know, you gotta make sure that that's known.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Yeah, but boundaries are essential when we go back to all of it, and even as a parent, as a mom, setting boundaries with your kids or you know, with your friends, um, because I I know that I had a difficult time like making friendship, like because I felt like my kids were my world, my kids were super important, and I never made time for me to be with my friends either or be with myself to have alone time. And I think that if I would have set those boundaries with my kids from day one, that they would have respected that as well, you know. Like instead of as they get older and I'm like, wait, I need me time and I need to go do this, and they're like, but wait, I have this and this going on. Uh I love that for you. Yeah. Yeah. However, I have this happening now, you know? And so as a mom, I I think boundaries are important. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

So for sure. And there is a time like for me, I remember because I homeschooled my kids when we lived back in San Diego. I homeschooled my kids and we were together all the time. And whenever I did anything with other women, it was with our kids. Like in the summertime, we would go to the beach once a week. There was like this day of the week that this big group of women and all of our kids would go to the beach, and we got our mom time and they got their playtime with their friends. It was kind of like the perfect thing because they really didn't care to hang out with us at all. They wanted to be out in the water or or on the beach or whatever with their friends. And you gotta be with yourself. And we and we were all together, and it's funny because it's this group of women that we only saw each other in the summertime, really, because we've kind of like lived in different places, and like we knew some of them I knew from church, some of them I knew from homeschooling, like, but it was just like okay, summertime. Here's the group thread, and here's what we're doing. This is the beach, this is the time, this is the day of the week. And then every week on that day, it was beach day. I loved it because beach is my recharge. Put my feet in the sand, I sit in the sun, talk to my friends, like nothing better to me. I like that. And then the kids, you could always tell when the kids knew it was like three or four o'clock because they would all hit the water. They would ready to go home water because they know it's almost time to go home. Yeah. And we're screaming for the kids. You know they can hear you, and they're just playing in the water, pretending like they can. But it was beautiful because it was just a time for like all of us to just enjoy life and just to like really, really enjoy it. And but I think it is important when you do have kids and you are their everything, it is important for you to get that recharge, however, you however that looks for you. I just think it's important for you to just go, okay, what do I need too? Because my needs are just as important as my children's needs. Yeah. Because if I can take care of myself, I can take better care of my children.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Well, and if we teach them at a young age that it's okay for them to take time for themselves, yeah, and to also set up boundaries, then they won't have to figure it out as they get older.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

Yeah. Yeah, because you have to you have to think about your energy, your time, your emotional well-being, your physical well-being, like all of those things are things that we have to cater to and take time to pour into, into nurture.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah. Well, and I think it's also important to communicate your truth. And I have found that very difficult for myself because in conversations, I would kind of let people lead the way and then agree with them and never speak up. Yeah, I would never speak up because again, back to kind of what we talked about last night, I was told that my opinion really wasn't important, or I was too opinionated that people didn't like me. And so communic eventually communicating my truth um became non- like non-important. Like I it didn't matter to me. Yeah, very shameful. And and why would people care what I thought or what I said to the point where even when it came to important conversations, I would there was no way I was gonna tell you how I felt at all. Because I'm like, I'm gonna hurt this person's feelings, or they're they're they're not gonna care. It's gonna turn into a fight.

SPEAKER_00 19:34

Feelings are hurt, and I feel this kind of way, but I'm not gonna say it because I might in turn make somebody else feel bad about themselves. Yeah. So it's almost like putting their feelings ahead of yours. Yeah. Not having a conversation. Where there's a way to have that conversation where you're not like attacking them, but you're getting the point across about how you feel about a certain situation that maybe they were involved in or that they had something to do with. Just in a way to like, hey, I want you to know that this thing that happened made me feel like this, and I'm owning my feelings for it. However, like I know that there's a better way that we can handle this maybe next time. So let's talk about it and figure that out because I know you probably didn't mean to hurt me that way. And I just want you to know how I'm feeling so that you can know, like maybe next time there's a way you could say that to me in a different way that would be, you know, because I don't think anybody well, most people don't intend to hurt us, but it's like what we learned today when when her when Janelle Devlin, the woman that that did our our meeting this morning, said to her, her daughter said to her for Mother's Day, I love how you taught me to say to my friends, did you mean for that to sound rude?

SPEAKER_01 20:45

That was brilliant. Sometimes you don't know how to say that to people that have hurt your feelings. Yeah. And so maybe have a better understanding of why they said what they said or why they did what they did before you do get hurt. Yeah. So did you mean to do that? Or what was going on or what was going on?

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Could you say that again? Because that's an that's one that I've got.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

I I you said that today in the in while we were all talking, and I I hadn't never heard that. Like, can you say that again?

SPEAKER_00 21:08

And maybe people will second, you know, maybe it just came out of their mouth, and then afterwards you're like, Oh, that was kind of rude. And then you say, Can you say that again? That gives them an opportunity to either stand on business or to go, you know what, you're right. I'm sorry, I did not mean it like that. What I meant to say was And then, yeah, because I can be very blunt, you can be very blunt, and I've never felt that way about you because I know your heart and I know the things that you say to me aren't like you're trying to jab me or hurt me. You'll just say it flat out blank how I would say it. So it doesn't bother me. But I can see how some people who might be a little more sensitive or maybe are still trying to navigate healing and they don't understand, like sometimes when somebody's blunt, they're not necessarily trying to be rude, they're just trying to make sure that they're clear and they maybe don't know how to say it another way, or that's just the way it came out.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

What else it is, I think that we can all do better. I think with my my I have. A very loud voice, and so sometimes when I say things, it just does it just comes out, and then I'm like, Well, dang, like because I feel that I sometimes don't have some emotion, and so I'm just like blah. And I'm like, Well, now we're just gonna sit with that because it just became a filter that typically you would probably want to use. Sometimes that filter just yeah, I don't know how to soften things, I guess. That's what it really comes down to. It's not let's ease into it.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Yeah, it's just but see, that's like the thing that I love about this conversation too, is like we're all a work in progress. I don't care how healed I am, I'm always gonna make mistakes because I'm human. Yeah. And so I give grace, and I I hope that people would give me grace for my bluntness or my boldness or my like to me, some things are black and white, and to others it's not so black and white. And so um, I'm still learning though, but I I will always learn. I will always check in with myself. And if somebody calls me, like, would you like to say that again? You know what? I'm very sorry. I like I can see that that probably hurt you what I really meant to say, and then take time and slow down and say it in a in a better way. I think that's good. I will I will own my part in in anything that I've done that's not um productive, that's not you know, bringing peace and joy and happiness into somebody's life, but hard conversations sometimes will go that way. Yeah. And I have a difficult time with hard conversations, so I do too, but I always told my kids it's better to say how you're feeling, even if it comes out wrong, than to not say it at all. Because I can do something if I even if I get it delivered in a horrible way, I can do still do something with that. Yeah. But if I just don't know and you're like, I'm fine, but your energy is like, I am not fine, yeah, then I have a hard time.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

And that's kind of where I'm at is I'm like, okay, I'm not fine, but I'm not gonna deal with it right now. And I think that just comes with like I I'm learning to communicate things a little bit better, but I'm still I still am there. Like I would rather not even have the difficult conversation because uh it it used to just not even be worth it. Yes, and so for me a lot. Well, and it I don't even know if hearts conversations need to go your way.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

No, I mean what I mean is like it wasn't productive. Yes, like having a conversation, you got punished for it, maybe. Yeah. So or like it's not worth it. Or like I don't want to go through all that, so I'll just be quiet. Where when you're in a healthy relationship, it's sometimes like, hey, like like those three questions. Do you have those questions?

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

That's those three questions that I really want, like I want to use those because I think that the way she worded these is very beautiful. And if you're dealing with somebody that truly wants to hear you out or truly wants to have that comp that conversation with you, I think these three questions are beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

Well, can we back up before we do those questions? Because she there was one um question that she had asked at the very beginning. Um sorry, I'm just I'm these are my notes from today. And so she said the number one mistake that we generally all make when it comes to communicating is we ignore our needs. And I liked how she said that because it just this recent conversation, just barely, when I said, like, I would rather have, I'd rather stay silent than talk about what my needs are. And so, and she she, you know, was like, don't ignore your needs because the other person needs to know what these needs are in order to better communicate, to better serve one another. Yeah. And so I I I liked that she brought that to our attention because honestly, I would have like, I mean, I don't know if I could, I I would have rather died than share any of my needs. Like I would have like, no way, I will just go home and suffer and do whatever than tell you what what what would be beneficial for me, but I I'll help you all day long. But uh yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

What do you think that is?

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Um well, I mean, back to back to what I had said, like I was literally shamed or belittled or told no one cared that my thoughts were insignificant or that everyone hated me because of my of my thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

Or you know, like um that people would judge you based on whatever you said, didn't matter what you said, you're gonna be judged and then people won't like you.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

Yeah, yeah. And and so I would have rather have my needs ignored because I I didn't want that hurts worse than oh, yeah, a hundred. It hurts worse to say it and to deal with that than it would to just just internalize it, just deal with it yourself. Yeah, and and I know like when I was younger, I never I mean, I would have taught I I could talk to anybody, I could tell tell anyone all my thoughts, all my feelings, and I was very loud and energetic or whatever it was. But then when a whole bunch of stuff happened and 20 years happened of all that, and it and I was shamed for being the person You were shut down, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Yeah, I I just shut down and say now the time you tried to use your voice, it was like, Yeah, don't don't be quiet. Nobody wants to hear you. Yeah, no one, no one cares. What? Yeah, okay. So that's a lot of see, and that's that's where like that psychological abuse, like people like I hate can't be saying this, but it's so true. Like, punch me in the face instead of abuse my mind. Yeah. Because when you abuse my mind, it's so internalized, and I repeat your words over and over, and I give them so much weight and so much value. You can read them too.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

I mean, you can you can hear them in your head, but then you can read them a thousand times or or or play them over if you have audio or whatever it is. Like it's hard to change back. Yeah, it's just audio tune in your head.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

It's always there on repeat. Yeah, for some odd reason, this unhealthy person attacking us and telling us the most horrible things about ourselves that aren't true. Oh, but for whatever reason, because we thought we loved this person and that they loved us, and that because of that love they wouldn't want to hurt us, then we just give it weight. Where if we get to this place where we're like, okay, now I have space from that, and now I'm able to like listen to the people around me that are healthy, that I know truly love and care about me, like a parent or a sibling, or somebody that you have a great relationship with that you are open and like you can talk about anything with. And those people are telling you the opposite of what this person told you for years. Yeah. And you're just like, I think for a minute you're in a state of confusion. Like, well, what's who's right? Like, is my family just being kind, or is this person really like telling the truth? Or like what is it? Yeah, and you're stuck in between that space. And that's when you get to check in with yourself and just be like, who do I know myself to be when I'm by myself? Like, what are my thoughts? What am I doing? Like, am I trying to serve each other like other people? Am I trying to take care of myself? Am I taking care of my children? Are like what are what are the things that in my life daily I want to do or I want to achieve? And does that align with the message that I was given all those years? Or is is it like oil and water where this message is trying to come through, but I'm trying to do this other thing? And so there's this conflict because who I really feel like I am to my core is conflicted with who I'm being told that I am. And so you have to kind of like rid of people and hard to see when you're in.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

Especially when you're in it. Yeah, when you're in it. There, there's no way that I would have ever thought that. Like I would, if I would go into my room and have like peace and quiet to myself, I'm not thinking I there I was not thinking any of those things. Like I it was even hard to have now. I can, but even back then it was hard for me to have a a heart heart to heart with myself. Like, hey, why are you feeling this? Yeah, you were, yeah, in survival mode. But that's you know, I'm glad that we're talking about these hard conversations for people to be able to maybe, maybe someone out there uh can see that they are going through a difficult time and they can they can realize, no, wait, wait, what that what I'm being told is not who I am, like not the core. So I thank you for sharing that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Um today because I think we all know who we really are inside. Like if we could get that space from toxic relationships and abusive people, and we really just sit with ourselves, it can feel really uncomfortable because, like I said, those that that internal, we're having this negative, and then we have our like what we have always believed about ourselves, and we question it and we don't understand because of all of this information. But if we can really just sit with ourselves and just check in intuitively with our gut, with our with our thoughts that bring us like peace, then we can go, no, I know who I really truly am. And I'm gonna get back to her because I really like her and I miss her.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

I like that. Um, so the one question that she wanted us all to ask is what relationship has been taking the most emotional energy from you lately? From whomever, your spouse, your partner, your children, your parents, your siblings, whatever it was. And sitting with that today was hard. It was big. Yeah, it was big. I shed some tears. You did. You did, because it you've been going through a you've been going through a lot lately.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

Especially it's very personal and private. And I like I know I don't share it publicly very often. But I'm I'm learning to navigate it because I can only control what I can control, which is my side, my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions. Well, I can't really even control my emotions right now, I feel like, because that's this big heavy thing. However, I'm an eternal optimist and I know that it there's gonna be resolution around this relationship that you know where I feel like I'm in limo right now still. But I know that there will be resolution, and I know that things will come back, and I know that you know repair can happen. It's just it's it's real heavy, and with Mother's Day and and like children living all over the country, like it's it's been hard, but I'm so grateful for what we do and the and the rooms we've put ourselves in because the more of these beautiful people that I get to meet, the more I feel like I'm healing another little piece of me that's been broken for a long time, or another piece of me that I just didn't know how to manage.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Yeah. Well, you didn't know that things would happen the way that they had happened, and so it's very hard for you because you were a loving person and you're caring and kind and and you have great wisdom and uh uh going through what you're going through, it I don't even know how to say this because it's like you you have no control, you have no control because of well, I can only control myself, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Yeah, and so all I can do is it work daily to improve who I am, work daily to find little things that could help me maybe like in the future when when things get better in this situation.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Well, and going back to conversation, you can't control the other person uh at all. You can you can control yourself and your thoughts and and and what and the words that will come out of your mouth, but you can't control how they feel.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

And that yeah, that's very difficult.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Yeah, it is. But there's always hope for me.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

100%.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and I just have to keep working on myself. Keep changing in the ways that I feel are beneficial for me and for the ones that I love the most. And then just keep praying. For me, just I'll be in the gym, I'll be in the middle of working out in the gym, and I'll have this thought. I'm gonna pause my music and I have noise canceling headphones on, and I just stop and I pray in the middle of working out because I found that that's when I get the most clear thoughts around certain situations, and like I just need to check in with God and make sure like He hears me, He knows my heart, and that He can give me that guidance that I need because of all the people in this world, He knows the situation the best and He can help me the best, and I know that And I'll do everything I can to help myself, but I always will lean on God because through the darkest parts of my life, He's always been there for me.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

He is, he will always be there for you. And I'm glad that you're able to do that. I'm glad that you're able to pray and you're able to take the time, no matter where you're at, that you can you can do that.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

Peace is peace is never gonna leave my life. Like peace will always be a part of my life. So part of that peace is finding peace within myself through hard stuff. Finding out, okay, what lesson am I supposed to learn right now? What do I need to do so that I can show up bigger, show up better, show up in a way that somebody might need me to, because I I'm I love serving others too. And so it's important for me to know how I can show up to serve somebody when I'm having a hard time too.

SPEAKER_01 35:12

Well, and serving other people I think is a huge blessing because you learn from them. Because there's other people who've gone through similar things, is you know, each and every one of us, that when you're serving them, they usually open up and you learn a lot.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

But um But I think it makes your problems feel a little bit smaller and a little bit more manageable sometimes when you when you go out of your way to help somebody with something small. It's just like, okay, this is just this is gonna feel like such a short amount of time in a few years, you know.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

This feels big and heavy right now, but well, and they can also have advice to give you, like because maybe they're they had already gone through the same thing you had, and theirs is resolved, and so they can have amazing advice and and you can take it or leave it or whatnot, but I do believe that God puts people in your life so you can see things from a different perspective too. Uh today though, so those questions that you're talking about after we asked those questions, like when you go to that individual that you want to have a conversation with, she said there's like three questions to be asked, and it's um, hey, I know we need to talk about and address whatever it is. We need to talk about this, yeah. Whatever situation it is, so it's not awkward, or you guys are ignoring it.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

Or, like, is this a good time for us to talk about this? Because this is you know, this is something we both want to talk about, but is it a good time for you? If not, like when should we talk about this? Not to make it hang over your head until if you're really busy and you can't fully give the attention that is needed for this conversation.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Well, then that's unfair to that person if you can't give the full attention because it if they're coming to you, it must be very important for them. Uh the second question was hey, my goal, I didn't mean to say hey, my goal is that by the end we can be on the same page about whatever the whatever it may be.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Yeah. So setting the intention for the conversation. So I'm not coming here to attack you about whatever this is. I'm coming so that we can discuss this so that we can get to a place where we both are like good with whatever it is. So we can both feel at peace. Because your part is important and my part is important. So let's figure out how to come together and find a little meeting in the middle of that.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

And then the last one was are you good with that? So then when you're finished with the conversation, make sure you're both aligned with everything. Um, and then she did say one thing. I think I wrote it up here at the top. Let me just look really quick. It was something about oh, it says, where has guilt been making decisions that wisdom should be making? And I I liked that because I think sometimes I do make a lot of decisions out of guilt because I want to please everybody. But I also know what could happen in the future, so why am I not using my wisdom? Well, maybe I don't know exactly what will happen in the future, but from personal experiences um that you gain wisdom from that you do learn that what I don't I guess I'm pumpering.

SPEAKER_00 38:27

Sometimes though I think when we're people pleasing, we're so worried about how they feel or think about us that we would do anything to make sure that they think of us in a good way. When that it almost feels like that's a little inauthentic. Not that you're not really the person that they might think that you are, but just like it's kind of the wrong reason to do something. It's like why I used to say yes to everything, and why I still sometimes volunteer myself for stuff that I have no business even like volunteering for. But it's because like I just I want I want to help people so badly. And uh my husband said to me, he's like, you just want people to know that know who you are. So you do too much sometimes to make sure that they know who you are when just showing up as yourself will show people who you really are. And I've been advice. I know he's like a he's like a wise old owl sometimes, he just always has the answers.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

Um so Irene GBT, I really wanted to talk about that because Irene has helped me learn how to communicate, especially these last few months. Um when difficult conversations come up, like I am the worst again at responding or knowing what to say. And I'm grateful for Irene GBT because she's able to give me some healthy responses and sometimes not sometimes, then I don't have to think about it or I don't worry about if I'm hurting a person's feelings or whatever it is, because sometimes I become so emotionally attached to the conversation that I'm not able to distance myself and see the full picture.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

You respond in emotion instead of responding like just from a place of this is what it is, you know? Because that emotion, although it can be healthy in certain scenarios, there's other scenarios where it's better to pull all the emotion out and just speak factual. Yeah. Depending on who you're talking to, depending on who you're trying to communicate with, because some people will weaponize what you say to them if you try to add any, especially any emotion. Oh, yeah. That's for sure gonna be weaponized against you. But also, like, it's okay for you to just say, Oh, yeah, here. This is like, say someone sends you like an a full page text and there's one little question in there. It's okay to just answer the question and not bite on all the other stuff. Yes. Because you don't need to defend yourself, you don't need to justify yourself, you don't need to prove like all of that wrong, because that person's not going to listen, anyways, to that. So it's okay for you to just be factual, just to, you know, just to have the conversation based on fact and not bite on any of the other stuff, because that's sometimes that's bait, sometimes that's a way for them to manipulate you into a conversation again that you don't need to have.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

Well, and and it can be healing as well. So then you're not holding on all onto all that bait or you're not engaging in those kind of conversations. And Irene GBT has helped me do that. Like it's helped me just be like reframe your brain for our conversation. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

And and see, okay, so I can just answer like this, and then it's over because there's nothing.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Sometimes I would like to if you would have asked me years ago, like I would have read if I would have responded in the way I I respond now, I would cry after I would push send, like and lay on the floor and be like, oh my gosh, my life is ruined my life. Yeah, my life is over, or I like now what is gonna happen, you know, and now you you just take it away and you're like, oh, yeah, it's it's all gonna be good because I I know who I am, I know what you know what type of person I am, and and I don't need to engage in all of that.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

You don't need to explain yourself, no, especially to someone who doesn't want to listen. Exactly. You get to say it, and then you get to have a beautiful day the rest of the day and not r ruminate on what you just said, and hopefully it's not gonna be this, and hopefully he's not gonna do that, and hopefully, you know what I mean? All the things that we overthink. It's it almost gives you this peace that you didn't know existed in that moment. Like it gives you like that space between what used to be and what I want to be now. And eventually you're like, oh well, I'm here, I don't care what's happening out over there because this is where I am, I can do this and I can move on with my day, and it can't take over my thoughts the rest of the day anymore. It's just so beautiful. Oh, I'm gonna have a relationship that you really need to like rein in or whatever it is, like take the time and check out Irene GPT. It's free. It's no cost to upload a text message and figure out how to respond. Because she'll that's the thing I love is she's not just doing it for you, she's teaching you while she does it.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Oh, I've I've I've learned a lot that I don't even sometimes have to use it. I can just now, you know, respond and be done. And I'm like, oh, that was easy.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

That's all good. Oh great, that's over, and now I'm gonna just enjoy the rest of my day. Yeah. Because I'm not gonna live in this anymore because I don't have to. Yeah, so beautiful. Yeah. But and and just being able to step into take one little step closer to that peace that we all crave in our lives. And look, I've heard many, many women who've been in a chaotic relationship go, I have the most boring life now, and it's beautiful. And I think. By boring, they just mean there's nothing happening that's taking up my energy when I'm trying to relax at home. Like I get to have this uh peace and clarity in my life that I never knew existed to this extent, and I never knew would feel like this feels. Like I get to feel amazing sitting on my couch doing absolutely nothing with zero guilt. Peace after chaos. I can enjoy a day to myself. My friend can ask me to help her move, and I can say no, because my Saturday is for rest and re relaxation, and I need to recover from my week. But let me know when it's all set up. I'd love to come check out your new place. Yes. Still feels uncomfortable for me to say that.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

That would be that would be uncomfortable. I can't even say it. And I think you've said it to me a few times, and I'm like, yeah, no, I probably would have been like, I'll be there. I'll be there in an hour, even though I had all these things I wanted to do today, because I I still struggle with saying no. It's very difficult for me.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

It takes a long time. Like, I still struggle with saying no. Yeah. I've been working on saying no for years now.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Well, even last night I got, you know, um a text about someone asked me if I could do something, and I was like, even texting it, and I'm like, uh-uh, I can't, because I told you after May, I'm eliminating a lot of my yeses that I have, because it it has become overcomplicated about everything that I have committed to. And in the You're taking away from what you want to commit to, yes, and and saying, but still, even last night when I'm telling my friend, I'm like, I I can't, no, I can't, I'm sorry. And and then why am I even saying sorry?

SPEAKER_00 45:43

You know, like, and I shouldn't even teach you.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Yeah, I can get it. But but I I also feel like I don't need to apologize for not being able to do something. And I do find myself apologizing a lot. Like, I'm sorry, I can't do this. Well, why am I sorry? Because I'm not like deep inside, I'm not sorry because I had all these other things. I'm really proud of myself that I said no. I'm not even sorry, I had all these other things to do, so I'm not sorry because then that would have overcomplicated the other things.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Or made it hard for you to fully show up for those other things. Yeah. So it's almost like learning to simplify your life, like saying no brings more simplicity to your life so that you can say yes to all the things that light you on fire and make you just want to jump out of bed in the morning. Because if you have all of these obligations you've said yes to, and maybe two of them you want to do, but the rest of them you just felt like you had to say yes. When you're doing all of those tasks, you're thinking about the two that you wanted to do the whole time.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Yeah. That is true.

SPEAKER_00 46:40

You're not even fully present, you're not even fully there, you're not even fully like showing up how you could if you said no to some stuff. That's what I've learned about myself because I love serving people, but sometimes I need to like take a step back and serve myself so that I can. Again, it's like filling your cup, you know, you have to fill your cup so that you can fill others. You can't fill anybody from an empty cup. And if you're always saying yes to everything, when do you get to fill your cup? And then burnout comes. And we've experienced that just because of our business. We pushed ourselves so hard. There was like a day where we were like, oh my gosh, my body and soul is tapped out.

SPEAKER_01 47:17

Yep. Oh well, I'm so happy I get to talk to you every single day. I know. Makes me happy.

SPEAKER_00 47:24

And I'm I'm grateful that we know how to communicate with each other in such a way that like I feel like no, nothing is unsafe when I talk to you. I feel like nothing's off the table. And I think that's why like this partnership is working so well for us, is because we have had car hard conversations. We have said things to each other that felt real uncomfortable to say out loud, but I feel like we both receive each other with such beauty, love, and grace that it makes the next time we need to have a conversation just easier. Because I'm like, she's not gonna, she's not gonna lose it on me. No, I don't know why that's in my brain, but she's not gonna lose it on me. Because I already told you, I have a very loud voice and I come across. But I've never thought that about you. I just that's like an inherent thought in my brain sometimes. It's like I don't want to upset somebody by having this conversation. But I've learned also I need to have these conversations because I am worth it. You are I have enough value that I should be heard, I should say what I'm feeling, and I should be able to like put that out there and work on it with whoever I'm talking to: child, spouse, partner, like it doesn't matter. Like, I want to have those conversations because then I have just clarity in my life. I know where you stand, you know where I stand. Like then we can move forward together. Yeah, it really does. Oh well. Well, thank you guys for tuning in to our live podcast. And you'll be able to, those who are listening to the recorded version, this was live first, just so you know. We try to go live every single afternoon. Sometimes we switch it up to the evening, but if you whatever platform you're on, if you just follow us, you'll get a notification when we're um live. And you can watch us live and hopefully we can have some interaction and and some dialogue with you. We really appreciate you being here. And um, if you're not sure how to communicate with somebody and you might want a little bit of help, it's also great for you to check out our tool, Irene GPT, and let her kind of navigate some difficult conversations with you. You can even use the chat and she can help you. We've we've put guardrails on our AI so she always steers you straight and you will always be told the truth. And we just want you to have peace, happiness, happiness, and clarity in your life. And thank you so much for being here and God bless.