EP33: The “Aha!” Moment: When Clarity Changes Everything | Irene Cares Podcast

Have you ever experienced a moment where everything suddenly made sense?

In this episode of the Irene Cares Podcast, we explore the powerful “aha!” moments that can completely change the direction of someone’s healing journey. Those moments of clarity when patterns become visible, confusion turns into understanding, and you begin to see your worth more clearly than ever before.

We discuss how gaining clarity can empower people to set boundaries, trust themselves again, reconnect with their intuition, and begin moving forward with confidence and peace.

This conversation is for anyone who has ever questioned themselves, felt stuck in unhealthy dynamics, or is searching for deeper understanding and healing.

We also discuss how IreneGPT.ai was designed to help people connect the dots, recognize patterns, document experiences, and gain the clarity needed to make empowered decisions.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Um, today we're going to dive into something that's truly transformative and we're gonna talk about those aha aha moments. But first, we want to talk a little bit about our weekend.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Yes, we do. I didn't realize we're going live. Surprise! Oh there you go. Anyway, now I'm like hot. Sorry. That's okay. Yeah, this weekend was great. We took off a few days and much needed, by the way. It really was much needed. I I think that like April and May was insane. And and to have like that good four-day weekend, oh my goodness. Um, I gotta go home to my hometown and see family and and do all that fun things. Fishing. Yeah, we gotta go fishing. Right side by side, yeah. And then also all the fun things. And then we went and saw some graves, you know, gravesites of like my grandpa and my uncle and great grandma and my my great grandma. Um, her name is Irene, that my s who my sister was married, I married, named after. Yeah, her grave site was there as well. And so like, you know, giving her some thanks and you know for the strength of her name. Yeah, that that was wonderful. I I'm very grateful that I was able to have that opportunity to sometimes you forget, like, yeah, I have my you know, my sister that I'm looking up to and being grateful for and then also seeing like where sh you know her name came from and our namesake, and that was that was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

So I really feel like the name isn't just the name of your sister. I feel like there's just a really deep meaning for us with that around the name Irene. And it's really like exciting to start to hear like I didn't realize that you had a great grandmother that was named Irene too. And so like it what popped in my mind was generational healing. You know, there could be a history somewhere of something that has happened to the women in your family, maybe and you're you're breaking that, you know, you're breaking that cycle, you're you're maybe making some changes so that your children and your grandchildren and your future ancestors won't have to deal with some of the stuff that maybe you have.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

And I've talked to my daughter, my daughter, yeah. Well, and I've even talked to my daughters like about that before, like explained what generational trauma is and and hopefully they never have to experience the things that I had, or they can stop the stop what is going on with their experiences as well, so their children don't have to. So yeah, I really like that.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

They can have the strength and the power that you're showing them that you have to continue that as they get older and say, look, my mom showed me how to be a strong and resilient, beautiful woman, and I'm gonna continue that because that's the legacy I want to leave for my family and my children, and yeah, you know, the family.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

I have to agree with you. I I I think that is very important. And as I was looking at her, you know, her headstone, she passed away like a year after I was born. And I remember my mom telling me that she got a hold of me and all of that, you know, like before she passed away. And guys, as you get older, some of those moments are really important because I was like my great grandma, and and you don't realize um that that these people are in your life and they they love you so deeply, and and you've and I I I never even knew her. Yeah, I know her.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

So you're like, it's just wild to family, family is beautiful, and it's so important too. Like those, yeah, if you can take get time like that with a great grandparent to hold your child, like I think that's so beautiful because I feel like I mean my dad has passed, my mom's she's still she's in great shape, so she's gonna be around for a while, I think. And um, hopefully my kids get to meet their great grandma or my grandkids get to meet their great grandma. I got to meet cool. I got to meet my great-grandma on both sides when I was younger. I don't remember my dad's grandpa. I think I met him, but I don't remember him. But I remember visiting his wife, which is fun fact, the Red Rock bicycle place. Yeah, used to be my great-grandparents' home. Oh, that's pretty cool. And I've been in there and they're like, Do you want to go upstairs and see that the because I remember going up these narrow stairs to the attic. They let me go up there, and it's just crazy, like it looks so different. But I remember where the living room was, where the kitchen was, in the back of the house. Like, I remember these little rooms, and now it's like totally different. It's a bike shop, but it was a historical building, so they couldn't tear it down, so they just had to like make it work, you know. Now that's pretty awesome. It's kind of crazy to like I we went to visit her at that home before it was the bike shop, and then I was so young I couldn't remember. I'm like, mom, where is it? And then when my mom was visiting one time, we all went there and we got to walk around and see grandma and great great grandma and grandpa's old house. I love that. It's still there, just bike shop, just in a different form, in a way.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Like I think, yeah, that's fun.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yeah, but I just love that time that we get to like think about our ancestors and the impact that because even though we might not have known them, there's an impact that our ancestors have all made on our lives, and I think that's really special and really neat. So yeah. Yeah. So let's talk about aha moments. Aha moments are like those sudden flashes of like of something that happens that just sticks with you and instantly creates like even sometimes just a little bit of a shift in your in your thinking or in your situation, I think.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Yeah, and I think and we've all had them. I I mean, even small ones or big ones, and yeah, when that puzzle that that when it clicks and something confusing suddenly makes sense. Um even the other day, you had said something from a meeting that you went to and you were like it was about just getting up and doing it. Like you said, you're gonna do it tonight, and then in the morning, you already said you were gonna do it, you already made that decision. That actually was kind of a mini aha moment for me because I've been struggling with like, you know, the whole working out and getting things like that. I'm like, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

It's so hard when you get out of the habit to get back in the habit of working out because yes, we've talked about this too. 6 30 hits. I don't set an alarm because I hate alarms. They like instantly put me in a bad mood. I don't know what it is, but I'm irritated that something woke me up, I think. But so I don't set an alarm, but like this morning I woke up at 6 15 and I'm like, okay, I have 15 minutes, and so I laid there and I'm like, okay, but you can't close your eyes because if you close your eyes, you're going back to sleep. And you're probably not gonna wake up till like 7:30. But 6:30 is the goal.

unknown 7:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

So I laid there and then I like my eyes kind of drifted away, and I like popped my eyes open. I looked at my clock, it was 6.29. I'm like, I'm getting up right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

I'm getting up. I already made this decision. I'm gonna do that. So that was kind of a little aha moment the other day that you had, you know, had barely you, you know, mentioned and I'm like, yeah, that's all you need to do.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

You need to make a decision and just But see, this is why I love listening to other people's stories and experiences and maybe some struggles or things they figured out to help them accomplish a goal or a task or something that they wanted to accomplish because everybody figures out little tricks for themselves, right? Yeah. And I love learning from people who like figured out the one little thing that they tell themselves because it really does. It's like you've decided already that you're gonna get upset 6 30 tomorrow. Don't decide again when you're in the darkest, like the lowest place, which is right when you wake up and your bed is super cozy and like the air conditioning or the fan is on, but you're like warm and cozy in your little cocoon. Like, that's not the time to make the decision. That's the hardest, the hardest time for me, honestly, because I love sleep. I love my bed. I'm not a morning person. I need to show you. I will never change that I'm not a morning person. I'm just gonna change my language around that because I'm becoming a morning person. Because I'm trying to push myself to become a morning person because I know that I can be so much more productive in my day if I just get up a little bit earlier. I was at the gym this morning by 7 a.m. Yeah. Congrats. I five to that. Which which again is just like one little tiny thing that that I told taught myself, and I'm like, are you gonna really decide not to do that thing that you promised yourself you'd do in the morning just because it feels good to stay in your bed? Yeah. No, I'm not because my goals are actually bigger than getting an extra hour of sleep that morning. I like that. I see you go to bed earlier.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I know that's that's my problem.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

I because I am it by nature I'm a night person for sure.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

And that's how I am. And I'm like, come 11 o'clock, I'm like, I still have a thousand things on my mind, but then five in the morning, six in the morning comes around. I'm nope.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Nope. Yep. So um before you have an aha moment, sometimes you feel like a little lost or confused, right? Or you're like, is this really happening to me? Because back when I was in a situation where I was being abused, I didn't know what it was. Like it didn't feel right, but I couldn't like identify.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

What do you mean the abuse didn't feel right?

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Like things were happening, and I knew, okay, this is wrong, but I didn't know how to like because I think sometimes we are we identify what things look like in our mind, and so we were like, okay, physical abuse looks like this, and I didn't even really understand emotional abuse. I was so young, I didn't know what that was. So, like, I already knew what like abuse looked like in my mind, and it was somebody putting their hands on you, yeah. And so I guess like somewhere in my mind, I was kind of okay with the psychological and the verbal abuse because I figured, well, at least I'm not getting hit.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Well, and I don't even think you realize the psychological abuse is happening. No, at least sometimes you don't like wrong, you just like it, you it just feels off. And so when even when you're young or even when you're old, sometimes you don't even catch you're you're not catching that. Like yeah, yeah, it just feels a little off.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Yeah, yeah, off or unsettling, yes, and I think that that's by design. I think that the reason we have these unsettling or something's wrong, or just not peaceful feelings is for us to like kind of is to kind of bring our attention to it or at least start to, right? So I couldn't identify, I didn't know exactly what it was. And like, I mean, I'm gonna share my story in a little bit, but they're so crucial to when you have these moments that really grab your attention, pay attention to those. Yes, the ones that grab your attention, not like a passing thought that comes and goes, and then you're like, wait, what did I just think? One of those thoughts that comes and it's basically like staring you dead in the eyes, right in your face, and then it moves, but you remember it because it locked on you for a moment. Like there's just something about you that just like grabbed onto that thought for a moment, and that can shift everything for you. So that's what actually my experience changed the trajectory of my life in a huge, huge way.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, and those aha moments, I they will, they will. Sometimes they'll just sit there for a minute and it'll be brief, it'll be fleeting, and then it it'll keep continuously coming back to that moment when you're like, wait, I need to do something about that, and that wasn't right. Or or I could change, change the way I'm living, even with that little aha moment that we just talked about that you learned at that conference, like even something like that. It's been on my mind, you know, since last week when you told me about it. And I'm like, huh. I love that. So so I think these aha moments, you might not um do it right there in the second. You it it you might have to sit there, it might have to simmer for a minute for you to realize, man, things need to change.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Or it's just like, yeah, it's bringing something to your awareness, you're not quite sure what to do with that yet, but it's something that just doesn't go away.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Like sometimes you have you like, hey, hello, that wasn't okay, or you need to change this, or hey, did you know this could happen if you did this? Or did that feel good?

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Yeah, did you really like that? How are you feeling about everything right now?

SPEAKER_01 12:44

So, what actually defines an aha moment in the context of what we discuss here, and Irene cares, is more than just learning a new fact. It's deep, it's like an internal shift. And that's what I like about this community that we're building is um listening to other people's stories. You might have an aha moment from these, from from hearing someone, someone else say saying, Hey, these things happened to me, and this is how I got out of it. And it might resonate with you, and you're like, oh my goodness, that is happening to me. Like same for me. Same exact. And what you did what? Oh, I could do that too. And so uh here at Irony Cares, that's what we want to do is to help you build, um, it helped help you feel more empowered and capable and finding your own aha moment to make those changes with those things that are showing up for you.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Because I have aha moments all the time too, with um from God. Um, I I mean, my experience, I think I truly believe it was from God as well. But like this right here that we're talking about, like sometimes God's like, even on social media, like some scripture or some quote will pop up and it tells me something, I'm like, oh, I like that. And then like two or three more times it pops up.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

You're like, I must need that right now. That's exactly it.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

You know it's how I listen, and so he needs to put it up in something I see as I'm driving, something I hear, like, you know, use all my senses, I guess, yeah, to show me, pay attention to this. And for me, it was a few months ago I had this one. I and I think I told you about this, where um I was kind of like stressed out about work and like, you know, how is this gonna happen? How are we gonna make all this work? And how are we gonna like make real money so that we can provide for our families and you know, all the things you think about when you're a small business owner and you're brand new, and uh money's important, like anybody who says it's not is delusional because we all need money to survive. Like you have to buy food, you have to pay your bills, you have to pay, you know, everything takes money. So money is very important, and money has energy. And I was giving money kind of like this gross energy, and I just I was too focused on like how are we gonna survive? How are we gonna provide for our families? And and not focused enough, I think, on um just doing the things that I already knew that we should do. And Heavenly Father, God told me, just be patient. I got you. Three different ways it came to me. When I was reading my scripture, I saw somebody post something about it, and then um, I think actually there were two posts. Oh, and then the fourth was somebody had responded to my post because I had posted about look, this keeps showing up, so you know, I'm gonna put it in a permanent place so that I remember this that I was told that I couldn't.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

I like that you put it somewhere so you can remember because sometimes I I want to remember something, and I'm like, Oh, I'll just remember it because it was so good. I don't trust myself. Yeah, and then like a month later, I'd be like, What was that?

SPEAKER_00 15:42

But I made it and I highlighted the scripture that I had read that had really said like trust in God and be patient. And I know that what we're doing is what is aligned with what he wants us to do as his children and as like brothers and sisters here on earth. And so knowing that, and him telling me, I got you, girl, just be patient. You just do the work, I'll figure the rest out for you. And it literally took everything out of my brain, and I've just been on this like faith journey saying, Look, you said I trust you, and I'm gonna keep showing up and doing the work, and he's gonna make it all work out. And for me, it was like a big, huge shift where I could just take it out of my brain and leave it, leave it to God to handle. Oh, I love that he knows he knows how everything has to be aligned before we it can open up and be right. I agree, I agree with you. Those little things that I just like it just makes me feel so good that like he's literally looking out for me and giving me my own personal message of the billions of people. I get a personal message from God. I feel so special. Oh well, and you are but everybody gets that gets to feel that. If you're willing, if you're willing to enlist, yeah, you can put forth the work. Yeah, I agree. So sometimes, like before your aha moment, you're feeling like everything's just kind of a mess in your life. Like this is going on and that's going on, and you know, the kids and and the you know, just life itself could be finances, whatever it is. Like it can just feel like this big, like tangled up knot, and you just don't know what to do with it. And then it's almost like a little string gets pulled, and that knot starts to unravel, and then you start to see a pattern, and then you start to understand a tactic, and then you st you like you validate the intuition that you had that maybe you tried to like because sometimes we get an intuitive thought and we try to like worry it away or talk, talk about how that, you know, I'm not gonna do that because you know we can give ourselves all kinds of reasons to like gaslight yourself, push yes, to push it away though, right? Because it's way more comfortable to stay where we are than it is to admit that we need to make a big change in our life. Yes, and that and that discomfort is on purpose, and we're gonna talk about that in a little bit too. So for me, it's just like I'm not questioning is it me anymore? I'm seeing, oh, this is what's really happening to me. So I'm not crazy. I didn't ask for this, I didn't bring all this on just because I married this person doesn't mean that I deserve to be treated the way that I'm being treated. Like, okay, so I didn't ask for this, what can I do with it now? Right?

SPEAKER_01 18:26

And you can also validate that feeling that you're feeling. Like you can also say, hey, let's sit with this for a minute and let's look at it. Even if you have to start writing things down. I'm a big believer on writing stuff because I have to visually see it. So if I'm like, hey, I'm feeling this way today, why did I why am I feeling this way? Yeah, like what what happened during my day that made me feel a certain way? And sometimes that gut feeling can go away because it's easing my mind, or I am actually seeing the full picture of what is going on so I can recognize it when it happens again.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Yeah. Um yeah, those aha moments are sometimes like putting a spotlight on the thing that maybe we've been neglecting to pay attention to because it feels a little painful to admit this is what's happening to me. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

So we're like yes. So Hope, you mentioned that you had a profound aha moment um from your journey. Would you mind sharing that?

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Sure. I I was in an argument and he was yelling at me and I'm apologizing, you know, because that's what we do. We're trying to de-escalate, so we apologize. We try and like, like, I'm so sorry, it's gonna be okay. I don't even remember what the argument was about, but I knew that that's the mode I went into every time there was an argument. Was like, well, it's almost like take all the blame, yes, and then try to like defuse. Like we're just like, you're back to survival.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Yeah, survival. You're just like, okay, fine, fine. Let's like, I'm sorry, let's get past this. Even if you didn't do anything wrong, you're just like, I don't care, I'll be wrong.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

It makes you stop yelling at me. Yeah. Because I didn't that's the other thing is I really hate contention. I hate when people yell, like it triggers me, like to my core. Like, I feel so like sick to my stomach. I don't want to be there. Like, I just don't want to even be around people who are like that. And now that I have that completely out of my life, like when I am around it, I'm like, I'm I'm gonna walk away because I'm you can.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

I don't that's the beautiful thing. You don't have to sit there and agree or apologize or listen or whatever. Yeah, you can just be like, Well, I'm out of here.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

I don't that's how you're feeling, it's not how I'm feeling. All right. So we're having this argument. I have no idea what it's like. He's like taking his work boots off after work, and then he stands up. I remember he stands up, I'm standing, he stands up off the couch, turns around, he's yelling at me, and then he goes to chuck his boot at me, and I like move and it goes right into the his was literally stuck in the wall above my head. I'm so sorry that could have hit me in the face if I didn't have the reflexes that I have. And in that moment, the thought that popped in my head, as soon as I turned around and saw that boot in the wall, was what are you doing? The intuitive thought, what are you doing? This isn't the life you want, is it?

unknown 21:12

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

No, it is not. And I will never forget that. And that was like almost 30 years ago, and I will never forget that because that's the day when I started to realize I don't deserve this.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

But how it's like your brain started switching to a different mode or something. Like it was like kind of like what we talked about, right? Like you can change your thoughts, you just change that moment.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

What am I doing? Because I wasn't raised like this. I wasn't treated like this growing up. I wasn't, I've never felt like this is what I deserve. Like, so what what why now? Like, why am I in this and why do I feel like I should I have to stay? Just because I'm married? I don't have to stay just because I'm married. If somebody's not treating me well, I don't have to stay in that. Like, I get it. Choice. I didn't make a choice that day, but it started that process of me what unraveling the tangled mess of a ball of the situation that I was in. Um I'm grateful that you had that moment. Yeah, me too, because that's why we're together. All right. And like it, yeah, it is hard. Like when you look back, sometimes it's like, gosh, I can't believe I let myself be in that situation. However, and I will say this till I die, the day I die, there was a purpose for me to experience what I experienced. And it's not just so that I could have this understanding, it's so that I could do what I do today. I feel so called. Like I feel like the way that we came together, the way that like this all happened, like my husband was your son's rugby coach. That was the beginning of this relationship we never even knew that we were gonna have. And I think that's so beautiful. I love that. I do too. And and then, like, before you even ever talked to Travis, I like had we had started to like talk to each other and we'd sit by each other when at games and stuff, and like just kind of started this little friendship. And so we like casually knew each other, and then when all this was going, and my husband's like, Hey, you want a partner? Like, yes, yes, we do. And I'm like, uh, sure, I'm bored, I have nothing else to do. Well, and I didn't know what it would be, I thought I would just be like helping here and there with little things you guys might need, just you know, because you guys own the business, and I'm just the little partner over here, just being the little helper helper lady or whatever. But it's just like, no, I stepped into this thing and then I felt this huge purpose and this huge calling, and like we aligned so well on so many different things as far as our belief in what this is going to be, and how we can really truly like deeply help people on a level that changes their life. Like, we don't we can't control that, they have to do the work, but we can walk alongside and watch all these beautiful people pull themselves to this better situation, to this better state, use those little aha moments to go, I do deserve better. Yes, this doesn't make sense, this doesn't align with who I know myself to be or how I want to be. So now I get to make a change, and you can change many people's lives by sharing your story and letting them know, you know, that's and that's the other thing, too, is like we both believe in being very vulnerable. There's a time and a place to share our stories, and I'm fortunate that I'm far enough away that it's not a problem for me to say the whole I could say every single detail and it wouldn't make a difference, like it wouldn't come back at me. Yeah, and like there's some people that might have to like hold back on their story, and that's okay because I want everyone to know like no matter where you are, like that story is gonna be a part of your life the rest of your life. And it might feel messy and ugly and gross right now, but when you can get on the other side of that, the healed side of that, or healing because I think that healing happens for a really long time, but just to a place where you can just feel completely back in control of your life, then like you realize that it was worth everything you went through because it's your life can be your life becomes better than you ever even imagined that it could be.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

I like that because it is true, it is, and and not everyone has to share their story and they can they can learn from other people's stories to learn how to get out of whatever it is that they're in. And they can do support without sharing their story too. Oh, yeah. And listen to the thing, sometimes just to listen to somebody and and another person knows that you're just there to sometimes you just need to tell talk to people, and and that's it. Like you don't need to know their opinion, and you don't need to to have to, you know, listen to whatever they have to say, you just need to get it off your chest, and that sometimes also feels a lot better.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Yeah, and like because for me, I have to say it out loud. That's my process for me to process something that has happened that I'm struggling with, or that I'm having a hard time understanding, like, okay, what am I supposed to learn? What is this?

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Well, but how did you feel although after you know you said the boot went right past your face, you were able to like move and you had that moment. And how did you feel like maybe even weeks later? Because you said you slowly were able shortly after you were able to find a way to leave, like, like what was that process?

SPEAKER_00 26:18

I think what did that look like? I mean, there was drugs involved, so I think that um, you know, God gives everybody agency, and we might not understand the agency that hurts other people, but agency's agency, and everybody gets to make those decisions. I think that that God gives us this beautiful blessing of healing when we've uh been in a situation with somebody that has been very abusive to us like that, because that gift puts us at this state that we could never be at had not had we not had that experience. So it's almost like I mean you can look at it however you want, and you can stay stuck down here and stay a victim and go date the same kind of man over and over and over again. I remember for myself, I think my husband was let's see like the fifth guy I dated after my ex. And four of those guys were the wrong person. Four of those guys, like each one got like a little bit better than the last, but it was like there was just something that I wasn't getting to not go to the same personality.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yeah, because it's comfortable. It's very yeah, very comfortable, or for some reason you're attracted to that, or I don't, I don't know what it I don't know, understand.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

Yeah, yeah. Because like what in our life makes us go, oh yeah. Ah even after the experiences, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Yeah, or I have I have to say, like, I've you know, I've dated and um nice men made me feel very uncomfortable, like super uncomfortable. Yeah, and and that sounds like when you really think about it, you're like, why would a nice person make you feel that way? But it's almost like I remember the calm and this like the still of even being in a room, and I'd be like, Okay, so when is the ball gonna drop? Like when am I gonna be yelled at? Like I just spilled a whole bunch of ice on the ground. Like, what are you gonna yell at me for that? You know, just like weird things that um things you were conditioned into. Yeah, because I have to say that I've dated very good, like very nice, kind men, and that um I think for me not to be able to stay in a relationship is because I didn't know how to deal with kindness, yeah. And that's it. That loud sounds a bit wild, but like that it but it's for the shoe to drop all the time, yeah. Yeah, because whenever I do something for you, now you get to pay for it because when I also think about it, like I I still have I was on or am still on a healing, healing journey and and trying to find confidence and in myself and realize that I am capable of it. It's kind of hard to do both at the same time, yeah. Yeah, it really is. It really is. Like, yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

You feel a little messy over here, and you have this nice guy, and you're like, I don't know what to do with you, so just go away.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

But yeah, so with with with you saying, you know, you're like, I dated like five people before I found this amazing person, like I think it is difficult because you you do you you're it is more comfortable sometimes in the chaos than it is in the peace and the calm and or having someone who's supportive of you or want wants to see you achieve things and do great things and you know become a mom and and watch you along that journey of being a mother and being a good wife and and what whatever your goals are like that that is scary. That is scary, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:59

So um yeah, and it it's it just there's just so much like when you're healing before you like I honestly feel like I wish I would have known this before I started dating. Was um, well, we had Thurman on the other day, and he said healing isn't just like one time. Sometimes you have to or forgiveness isn't just one time, sometimes you have to forgive that person every single day, over and over and over and over again. Because there might be something else that comes out that you're like, okay, I gotta forgive them for that now too. I don't want to. Darn it. Oh, I just read this thing the other day. Hopefully I can remember it. It was about forgiveness. And it was Elizabeth Smart. She was on a podcast, and she said, She said, forgiveness might look different to me than it does to you, talking to the person who is interviewing her. And she said, you know, when we're growing up, it's like, oh, your brother hits you, your mom's like, say you're sorry, and you're like, I forgive you. She's like, there's that kind of forgiveness. She said, and then there's forgiveness where you don't want anything ill for them, but you do it so that you can have the best life that you could ever even imagine. Because you can't live that life if you're holding on to something that's negative or ugly or angry or bitter or whatever. Like anytime you have negativity in your life, it sits in your brain. Somewhere in your brain, it's just sitting there. Like, oh yeah, we're saving this because we we have to remember we don't like this person and we never are gonna forgive them because they were a horrible, awful person, and they don't for they don't deserve it. But it goes back to the thing that we always talk about like the forgiveness isn't for the person, the forgiveness is for us. So our heart can be open to love, can be open to that next chapter, that beautiful soul that's out there looking for someone like us, that wants to treat us well, that wants to love us, that wants to care for us. Like, that's why you forgive. You don't forgive so the other person's off the hook because they'll get theirs. You just don't have to worry about that. You got to let that guy to handle that, and then you handle yourself and you just go, you know what? I forgive what you did. I never want to see you again, maybe, or here's the boundary, or whatever that looks like for you. But you can create that. That's not not forgiving, that's protecting yourself from further abuse. So you do that forgiving, and then you just like, and sometimes you have to fall in love with yourself before you can forgive, but sometimes you can forgive first and then fall in love. But those two are essential to healing is falling in love with yourself and forgiving the person who hurt you.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

I I have to agree with you on that because finding finding that in yourself is very difficult, like because I think you're very hard on yourself sometimes. I mean, even in your moment, yeah, even in your moment when you're saying, like, like what is going on here? You know, like I don't deserve this. I wasn't raised to have someone do this to me. Like, this isn't okay. And you're the hardest on yourself because you even allowed that to happen.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Uh so yeah, loving yourself is I like that. I like what you say because you do you need to love yourself first before you can allow other people in your life, and then you and then to be able to forgive. Yeah. Because then you're confident and you're like, Yeah, that's not gonna happen again. Yeah, but I can forgive you and you can continue to do it, but I don't have to allow you to continue to do it to me.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

And for me, it was like I had this aha moment, and then I think that's like you know, the pull. It's like you when you're wearing a sweater and there's a string and you start to pull the string and it will unravel the whole sweater. Yeah. So it's like that. Like that aha moment was the string being starting to be pulled, and then I just kind of started pulling the string, or God did. I don't remember exactly how that happened, but he put things, he made things happen that were kind of um bigger than the shoe being thrown at me. Yeah. And I think it was like, I'm gonna make her like adjust her thoughts real quick so she remembers that that she's my daughter and she's worthy of love and all the great beautiful things in the world. And then I'm gonna show her how this is not it. So the string got pulled, and then he just went to work unraveling that sweater real quick, and I got to watch it, and then like the night I left, I was thrown on the ground and held to the ground, and I just looked in his eyes and I saw pure evil. Oh, it was the darkest, like that's another moment. It was the darkest, most evil feeling. Like he just looked like he had no soul, and there was pure evil just pouring out of his eyeballs. And he was on drugs, that's probably a big part of it. But in that moment, I went, Nope. And I won't say what he said, but I I had some choice words for him, and I was able to get away.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

I'm so grateful you did.

SPEAKER_00 34:42

I was able to get away, and that's when I was just like, I'm done. Because for whatever reason, in my head, I had to be have hands laid on me before it was abuse, and the second I that hands were laid on me, done. You were gone, done. And I and it I was that I was done taking any of it anymore. And it wasn't easy, it wasn't like I went away and it was like, oh god, no, that is never never. I had I still had that trauma bond, that struggle. And like I'm sitting here, like, you know what just happened, and yet you're giving like energy to like yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Is it really happening? Was it bad? Uh and then a couple days later it happens again and again and again, and then it gets worse. So I'm glad that you listened to that, you know, whatever the the voice was, or whatever it was for your aha moment to be able to get out, to be able to get out because it could have gotten it.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

I truly believe it was God. Yeah, yeah. And I think God is like, look, I don't I'm not gonna make you sit in this for a long time because it might be too much for you, but I'm gonna give you enough so that you have this experience because I know what you're gonna do with your experience. Because I know who you are.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Well, he can see the he knows what's gonna happen before you do. He created it all.

SPEAKER_00 35:57

We just get to live it out.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Well, thank you for sharing your story, it's incredibly powerful and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

We share so that people can understand. Look, we all have our own little stories, and like obviously it wasn't just this once it's situation that like it this happened one time, and I was like, okay, I'm done because what am I doing? No, it was like building and building and building to this point, right? So there's a lot of stuff that we can say, but what I really want to push forward, like really help people to understand, is like we're vulnerable so that you understand, like, we get it. We want to be here for you. We know how like impactful it can be on your soul. Like it it takes a little soul shift, you know, back to this new version of yourself. I say back to, but I mean forward to this new version of yourself that has this different perspective. Well, yeah, I don't think you'll ever go back to who you were.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

No, I really do not believe that. No, because your life experiences through how many years it was or months. I mean, it could even be like a week, like a a day, whatever it was, can transform you into a completely different person in you. Yeah, and I and I'm grateful for the person that I am today. I don't know if I would ever want to go back to the person that I was uh, you know, 30 years ago or well, yeah, because I didn't know I didn't know anything. And and I did feel like things were acceptable when they weren't. And so I'm grateful for who I have become today. Yeah. And um, and I'm also like okay with myself. Like I'm I'm okay that I am happy all the time, you know, like and I love the choice of friends that I, you know, like the people that are surrounded. Well, you're even okay with my family, and and I like my opinions. Like I'm like, hey, yeah, I I do have opinions, but so do you. And hey, let's share them because maybe you can change my mind, or maybe not. Or or maybe we can actually have a decent conversation and and just value one another with like when the thing I love about our relationship that we've built over the past what six, eight months, almost a year, is like you're like a sister to me.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

Like I get another sister, someone who I can say anything to. And when I'm trying to unpack stuff and I I like things like a couple weeks ago before Mother's Day, there's a lot going on, and I'm like, I just don't know what it is, and I'm so sorry I'm not fully present. I feel like I'm failing the business, I feel like I'm not showing up like a good partner. And you helped me to see like the source of that, which I'm usually really good at finding myself, but for some reason I was really struggling. But I love that I can turn to people who understand me, don't judge me, and help me to see like what is it that I'm missing here? Like, there's something that's like right there, and I don't know what it is, but I need to identify it so that I can make a shift and I can really understand what's happening because once I identify the emotion that's attached to whatever's happening, I can work on that. And for me, I have to talk to get there. I have to talk, and I there's only a certain few people, and it's really like you and one of my sisters that I talk to about like the big stuff because I feel very grateful. Well, and my husband too. Oh, yeah. Sometimes he just wants to try to like fix the problem. I'm like, I don't need you to fix, just listen to me.

SPEAKER_01 39:24

I I do think that like uh I I have started to find my voice because I normally would have with that experience the other day with you. I had been wanting to talk to you about it for a couple of days, but I didn't know how because I knew that you, you know, were struggling, but I didn't know what to say in the right words, and then I feel like I just like blurted it out, you know. I was like, okay, but I'm learning to find my voice and feel confident in it to be able to tell people, you know, what's up in my thoughts, because normally I would just sit there and just be like, well, because you didn't help them, but I'm not going to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 40:02

Because you were told your thoughts or your words had no meaning or value, right? Or you were shown that, or whatever, whatever story was told. But like, I'm so grateful that you didn't shy away from that for me because I needed that from you in that moment. I needed you to help me identify where that was coming from. And once I did, I could do something with it. And I was so grateful for you because then like she she helped me solve it, she helped me figure out what it was. Like, and I might have got there on my own, but I think that it was extra special that like we were able to you were able to help me get there because it I see you if I do your voice, and it just makes me so excited for you and for us, and for everything.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

I'm so grateful for Irene. Like, Irene cares for our community, and we have really good news ahead because our Facebook group is our community is starting. It's going to be starting here. We're gonna be launching it. We're hoping maybe this week or by the end of next week. I'm not 100% sure, but it is soon, it is starting. It's actually happening. Yes. So look forward to like uh we want to hear from all of you. We want you to check it out, we want you to subscribe and see, you know, what like what we're doing because helping each other find our voices, helping each other feel empowered and and know that we don't have to be stuck in these places and also helping one another find our aha moments because I know that we've all had those moments, and then maybe following through with them or all of us to be there to push each other along the way to get to a better place. I think that that is is why. Well, I know I know that is why we created Irene Cares, and then we also created our total Irene GBT um for communicating. And I'm grateful for these small moments that turn into big incredible things.

SPEAKER_00 41:55

Like just listening, like when you have those moments that really just grab your attention and might feel a little insignificant in in that like exact moment, just let yourself sit with it for a minute. Let yourself grab onto that thought or that feeling that you had around something someone said, and like I can't tell you how many times somebody has been bold enough to say something they were thinking. And I was so grateful that they listened to that thought and said it out loud. Yeah. Because I think our thoughts are sometimes ours, but I think sometimes our thoughts are also coming from God for us to help each other. And so maybe in that moment when you said that to me, that was God just giving you a little nudge, like, you can do it, Dee, just do it. She needs you. Because I was grateful in that moment. I just was so grateful that I like that I had opened up to you, first of all, and that you offered something to me that I couldn't find myself. And I just felt like I felt so grateful for you in that moment that you listened to that whatever voice was saying, just say it, Didi. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

That you've had a lot of help along the way, and I'm grateful that whatever I did say that day that it was helpful. Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

And I I like I just I think that community is so great too. So, like, we have each other, but like having somebody that maybe you could just bounce stuff off of just to see, like, do you hear anything in this that I'm missing? Because this is what I'm getting from it, but there's something missing, and I don't know what it is. And if you have a thought, please share it with me because I want to know your perspective on, you know, because sometimes just hearing somebody else's perspective, because maybe they've lived a longer life or experienced other things that we haven't quite fully processed yet, or we've experienced them, but we're still in it instead of on the other side of it. So sometimes just somebody's little perspective can give us that little shift, you know, because like it's like when you're it when you're a ship at sea and you're going towards your destination. If you go off by one degree here and your destination's 200 miles that way, if you're off by one degree, you're gonna end up way over here and you're not gonna reach your destination. Destination. So it's like you never know what somebody can say to you that can cause you to shift to get to a better destination than the one you might be headed towards, like if you stay where you are.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Does that make sense? Yeah, it does make sense.

SPEAKER_00 44:14

I like that. So if you're ready for your own aha moments, visit Irene GPT and learn about how she can help you find clarity. Um, you can upload a screenshot and she can tell you like what kind of language is being used, if you're being gaslit, if you're being controlled, manipulated. She can kind of lay that out for you. Because sometimes we just need to identify it first. Because once you identify it, now you get to do something with it. So we want to help you identify that. Um, it's free to analyze any messages. You can get it um reply helper. So if you need to respond to the message, we can help you, she can help you reply to the message. And then if you just want to chat with her and ask her questions about healing, she can help you with that too. So all of that's always free, and we just we make that free because we truly want everybody to get that kind of help. That's like the first step is identifying what it is and figuring out how to kind of get a little bit of distance from that abuse, and she can help that with that. So give it a try, check it out, see if um there's something in there that really resonates with you and helps you in your journey as you try and keel from an abusive relationship. Do you have any closing thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 45:30

Um, just if you know, if you anything that we said today, if you like it, please subscribe to our channel or to you know anywhere you listen to podcasts or yeah, any social media. If you like watching, yeah, watching, and please, yeah, subscribe. And once our our community is up and going, we would love to have you along for the ride with us.

SPEAKER_00 45:53

And we'll make a big announcement and we'll have it everywhere and it's on our socials. I mean, Ryrene cares everywhere, so find us anywhere that you know, so any social media platform, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. And then as always, have a beautiful, blessed day. Thank you for being here and listening to our podcast, and God bless.