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Irene Cares
Irene is a communication and emotional safety platform designed to help individuals heal, regain clarity, and respond with strength especially in high-conflict or abusive relationships. Built by survivors, Irene uses AI to analyze harmful or triggering messages, identify abusive language, and provide calm, healthy response options so users don’t have to engage in emotional back-and-forth.
Through features like message analysis, journaling with time-stamped documentation, and court-use evidence logging, Irene empowers users to protect their peace while creating a record of their experience. Whether navigating co-parenting with an abuser, processing emotional trauma, or learning healthier communication patterns, Irene provides a safe, supportive space to break cycles, rebuild confidence, and move forward with clarity and control.
Irene exists to remind users: what happened to you is not who you are and healing, freedom, and joy are possible again.
Irene Cares
EP34: What People Are Finally Beginning to Understand About Control & Safety
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
In today’s episode of Irene Cares, Hope and De’dy dive into the real-life stories and growing conversations that are reshaping laws, protection systems, and public awareness around emotional harm, coercive behavior, technology monitoring, survivor safety, and accountability.
We discuss:
✨ Why emotional and psychological patterns are finally being recognized
✨ The growing conversations around coercive control
✨ How technology can be used in unhealthy and controlling ways
✨ Why strangulation cases are being taken more seriously
✨ The importance of survivor privacy and protection
✨ How modern laws are evolving to better understand relationship dynamics and safety concerns
This conversation is about awareness, healing, education, and understanding patterns many people experience but struggle to explain.
At Irene Cares, we believe clarity changes everything. Through honest conversations, community, and tools like IreneGPT.ai, our mission is to help people recognize patterns, communicate more safely, and move toward healing and empowerment.
If this episode resonates with you, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who may need it. ❤️
#IreneCares #HealingJourney #EmotionalWellness #RelationshipAwareness #PersonalGrowth
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Welcome back to uh the Irene Cares Podcast.
SPEAKER_01I'm Hope. And I'm Didi. Um, today's episode is an important one because we're talking about real stories and real conversations that are changing laws, protection systems, and public awareness around emotional harm, course of control, survivor safety, and accountability.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm excited to talk about these stories because sometimes you feel alone, but honestly, there's some crazy things happening out in our world that um are putting laws in place too, as well. Like if we fight hard enough and loud enough to make the this kind of behavior stop.
SPEAKER_00It's there's more attention being brought to psychological abuse. Yes. And emotional abuse, like the things that aren't seen from the outside, but felt deep inside.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and not it's not all the physical stuff that is happening because if you're being emo emotionally abused or mentally abused, um, you don't you have no idea that people that's happening to them because then when they go out in public, um they're normal. Like they're normal, there's no cuts, there's no stitches, yeah, nothing, no black eyes.
SPEAKER_00You can pretend, people can pretend really well. But that's the thing that it's it's almost like a hidden thing because somebody can say whatever they want to you, and then in public they're just the most pleasant person, and everyone thinks they're so charismatic and loving and kind and nice, like, oh, he's such a nice guy, correct? But they don't know what's happening behind closed doors. Yeah, and a lot of that after surviving abuse, I think that it's easy to spot it in someone else, even if they think they're hiding it really well, like an abused person, even sometimes an abuser. It's like once you've experienced it and lived it, you have like this hyper awareness.
SPEAKER_01Well, I've been told that some people say sorry a lot, yeah, if they're being if they're being like emotionally or mentally abused. Yeah. Because you are like in the home, you're constantly being told something, you're like, Oh, I'm sorry I did that. Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then when you're around other people, you're apologetic.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Like constantly.
SPEAKER_00And I've noticed that too. Like I've seen I've been around people in my first thought when like you something mild, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're like, you did nothing wrong. I'm like, you're okay, you don't need to apologize to me. We're good. Yeah. So yeah, it's it's really powerful to see these changes happening because it gives it me as somebody who who has been around that has seen it, has experienced it, it gives me hope for the future that women don't have to experience a lot of these things just because they always have. Just because there's nothing they can do about it, so you just have to do it. But I wanted to say one more thing, too, which we've said a lot, but with Irene GPT, that can help the person who's being abused to understand the type of abuse. Because not there's not a lot of conversations around the the psychological abuse. I think, especially like in this day and age, it's it's kind of goes to a deeper level, I think. I think it's getting worse than it than it ever used to be in the past.
SPEAKER_01Or or people are talking about it more.
SPEAKER_00Maybe I don't know. I don't know, but for some reason there's more of a spotlight on it, and we're hearing a lot more about it, I think.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, and so I think if people are getting tired of being treated that way.
SPEAKER_00And the more we have these conversations, then I think the more we can make those changes in the laws and in you know different instances, we can bring a light to the psychological abuse that affects somebody so deeply. Because, like, we've all seen the video where somebody's just crashing out in the corner, but we didn't see what happened before that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? And everything that happened before that is gonna tell the story of why that person's doing that. Because when you've been abused, you don't feel stable. No, you really don't. You they make you feel crazy, they make you feel like you're you're the problem, you're the psychopath. It's all you're like, you know, because all their words are how are tearing you down and how little you are, and how not good enough you are, and like all those kind of things. So I think we get to see like the crash out sometimes, but what happened before that? Yeah, that's where that's where my own.
SPEAKER_01Well, and we've we've watched some videos recently. I mean, it's been on television everywhere, and we we were like, hey, I understand that that's happening, yeah. But I I think I had voiced something to you before, and it was like, uh, you don't get to that point in two seconds. No, this is like months or even years of whatever is going on in the home. And and to make that person do that, there you just you just don't flip a switch that easily, especially even around kids or around family members or it's it's just very misunderstood.
SPEAKER_00Everything around it. So I appreciate that we're getting to the point. Unfortunately, it's taking tragedies to get there, but I appreciate that we're starting to make some ground on these psychological types of abuse. Coercive control is a big one.
SPEAKER_01Uh and some laws are passing on that too. And we'll get to that. There's some stories today that we're gonna talk about um that laws are passing, which are amazing because usually um they're like, you know, in courtrooms or whatever, they're like, well, there it's not really physical abuse. Yeah, so there's nothing we can do about it. But then the damage that has happened to that person years later is is immense. It's uh absolutely awful.
SPEAKER_00It and we've always said this psychological abuse is so much deeper and so much more harmful than getting punched in the face. Yeah, like it sounds so harsh to say it like that, but like I I like to say it like that because that's how real it feels. Yeah. When you're the one that's been abused, that's how real it feels. It's just like I would rather be punched in the face because I can heal from that. But here's the thing somebody just doesn't just meet you and punch you in the face. No, before the punch in the face, there's all this other psychological abuse that happens typically.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that's let's let's get into some stories because I think these are like uh sad, but so grateful that because these things have happened, people are starting to take laws seriously. So maybe somebody's pain isn't in vain, or loss of life even isn't in vain. Where there's something coming from it, which I think is like that bittersweet, but like beautiful that we can use a situation that many, many people are in, but this one situation ended so horrifically to create laws to help to protect men and women in the future from this kind of abuse and this kind of damage. So, one story that's getting national attention from Illinois is now known as Karina's Law. Karina Gonzalez had already obtained an order of protection against her husband, but despite that order, he still had access to firearms. Karina and her daughter Daniela were later killed.
SPEAKER_01Oh. I can't, that is absolutely terrible. She has this protection already put in place, and then this happens.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I don't like that. Um, like I'm all for Second Amendment rights for sure. But if your behavior shows that you are irresponsible or that you're capable of abuse, then maybe there needs to be a time for you to not have those access to those guns so that the people who are in danger remain safe.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I agree with you on that. What did Karina's law um do?
SPEAKER_02Like what is Karina's law?
SPEAKER_01Um I think Karina's law helped enforce the um oh my goodness, my mind just went blank. The firearms.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, so Karina's law um it requires law enforcement to confiscate the firearms.
SPEAKER_01So if you have a protective order, if you have a protective order, then they can confiscate it. Yeah. Is that what it comes down to? Yeah. And so not just about these laws existing, but whether they're actually enforced fast enough. So say she did get this protective order, and at the time, if if they weren't and the firearms were on it, no one did compensate it, and then he was able to get there, but the moment that happens, a police officer should follow him to home to his house and take his guns right then and there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. In my opinion, it should be automatically permanent forever, but actions have consequences. And if there's an order of protection, you've already taken actions to prove that you can't be trusted to be safe to these people. And orders of protection are just don't go over there. There's no there's no way to like force somebody to honor the order of protection, right? They could still show up to your house, even that same day, they could show up to your house and murder you and your daughter.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And they definitely could, which is uh terrible, but you can't stop. I mean, we you know, people can do whatever they want to do, even though though they have a protective order put in place. And so if they're if the law enforcement officers are are able to go right then and there, confiscate everything, and then um hopefully that is like another form of protection.
SPEAKER_00I mean, he could have got a gun from somebody else, you know, even even if even if you know he um got him taken away and he was angry enough, but um but I think it's important for us to remember like I I know a woman who she had an order of protection against her husband, and somehow, or her ex, or I mean maybe they were still in the process process of getting divorced, but whatever. She got an order of protection because she was unsafe because some things that he had already done. He had even pulled a gun on her. And then this fires me up, and then somehow he was able to still keep his guns.
SPEAKER_01During the protective order?
SPEAKER_00Yes. During the he got this, he had this protector protective order on him and he was still able to access his guns. He still was able to keep his guns because they're trying to make this woman make this decision. Look, when you're already a protective order, is already like triggering enough for a woman to get because you're so conflicted. Oh yeah. And like you're like, I need to protect myself, but is what's the retaliation gonna look like? Because historically I've experienced retaliation. If I do something bold like this, I'm gonna pay for it. So I'm scared even doing this in the first place. But then this order of protection goes into place, and then he used a firearm already to threaten this woman, and then he was still allowed to keep them, or she was like, Well, is it okay if he just keeps his guns, you know, because it's just blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I don't think that it should, I don't think that the abused should be put on the spot like that and and have to make a decision like that. I think it should be a black and white thing. Like if you've taken this kind of action, now you're you've proven yourself to be untrustworthy with your firearms. So now you have to give them up while this order of protection is in place. What's that consequence? It's a consequence of your action. Yeah, yes. Like we take their toy away, yeah, that they're not responsible with the consequence of your action. And they might throw a fit and be mad. Right. But you have to learn somehow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And and I am a strong believer of guns. Like I do. I mean, I've I've come from a family, you know, from the military, and also with, you know, there's a lot of hunting that goes on in our family, and and I do believe there's a time and a place for guns. But if if you're feeling unsafe and people are pulling them out on you and and you have protective orders, I'm very grateful for Illinois to be able to have this in place and um to be able to have the law enforcement that they have to go and grab the firearms from them if a protective order is put in, you know, put in order.
SPEAKER_00I mean, well, and like already it's so hard to leave. I know everyone's like, why'd you stay? Why'd you stay? That's like that's a conversation you have to talk to somebody who's been abused about that has left, because it's not as easy as it sounds like to leave that situation. Because you're looking at it from your outside perspective without psychological abuse, without possibly physical abuse, without any of these things experienced by yourself, it's easy to say, why didn't you leave? But when you're living it, it's just as scary to leave as it is to stay.
SPEAKER_01Well, sometimes the consequences are worse if you leave. Right. Or like they're they're the behavior heightens, and you're like, Well, wait, I'm not even there anymore. So why are you behaving this way?
SPEAKER_00Because if I can't have you, nobody can. Yeah, correct. Or whatever they're thinking in their mind, like these are the things that like I think that the majority of people who've never experienced abuse don't understand. And it's not like a jab at anybody, it's just this is a real life lived experience that can feel very scary. You've already been psychologically abused, so you don't have much confidence in yourself, you don't have much confidence sometimes in the system, too, because the system has historically failed people who've been abused. Otherwise, no one would ever be murdered by an ex. No. So there's there's some things, and I get it. Like, we have to do our own protection too. We have to do what we can't we need to do to protect ourselves. However, like a man and a woman, there's a biological difference, and a man can easily overpower a woman most of the time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I believe that.
SPEAKER_00I know that. I mean, yeah, I and I'm not a very big woman, and so like Well, I'm a big woman, but I there are still men that can overpower me easily. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, we're like you said, we're all built there, we're built differently for a reason, for a purpose. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So the person who's supposed to provide and protect, you know, that we were raised, provide and protect, is now the person who's hurting us the most. That's scary. Whether you're in that household or not in that household, it's still scary because sometimes when somebody has done some really truly unhinged things, it's hard to like even fathom that they wouldn't try to do more things once you leave because now they're pissed because you're not there anymore. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, they want they want you to be in their space constantly. And so they are more control. Yeah. Um, should we move on to another story?
SPEAKER_00Let's talk about another story.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, another major conversation happening right now is uh around strangulation, a strangulation case.
SPEAKER_00In Washington, DC, leaders propose what's called the Protecting Victims Act of 2026 after several high-profile relationship violence cases and a rise in strangulation incidents.
SPEAKER_01A rise, a rise in strangulation. That's that's wild. The proposed legislation would strengthen enforcement of protective orders. So going back to protective orders again, they're not enforced. Obviously, here in Washington, DC, they have to strengthen that. Increase penalties for repetitive offenders, strengthen privacy protections, and create harsher consequences for strangulation offenses.
SPEAKER_00Okay, this is what I I want to highlight is like consequences aren't harsh for the person who has I don't know, I don't I don't think are you saying like too harsh, I guess, is what I'm saying. Like there's no such thing as too harsh when you've made a conscious decision to abuse, hurt, um threaten somebody with their life. Like the consequences for that, there it's not too harsh to me because I feel like there's so much like when they're doing those things, history like we can look at what has happened to women who have been um what's the word? It just left my brain who have been threatened that that person is capable of doing the act of violence that they threatened against that person. Like there's a big percentage of people who are capable of hurting that woman that they threatened. Oh, yeah. That that woman, that man, that child is in danger.
SPEAKER_01Right. Well, and here it proves like um there they have to enforce it. Yeah. Because they haven't been enforcing it, because uh things are happening that they're like, okay, so uh here's this protective order, here's this minor criminal thing that they've done. But no, now it's turning it's escalating because no one is enforcing their consequences or the things that they should be held liable for.
SPEAKER_00I just remembered something that you and I talked about way back when we first started um all of this is you're having some people look at our stuff, and we were you were talking about what you do and why you, you know, why you've created this AI and all of that. And I remember hearing that some man was like, that doesn't happen to women. Oh, that doesn't happen to people. And then I'm sitting there like, do people really believe that every time a woman speaks up about being abused that they're just blowing it up out of proportion? Because it feels very real when you're in it.
SPEAKER_01Well, I think what those people are probably very lucky and blessed that they've never had anything terrible happen to them. So sometimes it's hard to fathom that another human being would be capable of harming somebody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but that really kind of helps us to see why maybe a lot of these things have slid by.
SPEAKER_01Because that's a good perspective.
SPEAKER_00Even in the court system, maybe there's some men and women there that have never experienced it, never been around it, never even really like heard it talked about, except for maybe in movies, but that's a movie, right? That's not real life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00However, like, and I've had that perspective too, like how how blessed they must be to have never had this show up anywhere in their life.
SPEAKER_01Well, as and everybody has possibilities trial own trials, like they could maybe have like some kind of financial trial or you know, like something something else happening to them. So an idea of abuse that that that is probably way far-fetched. So you're right, maybe that's why things aren't enforced as quickly because it's like, well, that really happened.
SPEAKER_00Or is she just blowing it up because she wants them to get in trouble or whatever? Instead of just take it very seriously. Yeah, take it very seriously because there's already an order of protection. And now she's telling you something happened, just take it seriously. Because the order of protection isn't easy to get. You have to have proof. There has to be things in place, like things that have been done for them to give an order of protection. It's not just a willy-nilly thing.
SPEAKER_01It's like there are some people though that are in this cycle of abuse too, that once they do get a protective order, they still allow that person to come near them. And so I can see from like a you know a law enforcement officer's perspective as well, that it's like, well, they continuously let that person near them. How bad can they be? Even though there is that form of protection, because some people don't say, you know, whatever it is, the victim isn't taking it as seriously either. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I so or it's that thing where they like are trying to get away, but that bond that's been created, healthy or unhealthy, is still there. And so that's a tough thing to separate from. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It takes a long time to get away. You I don't know what the statistic is, but you go, you can go back and forth and back and forth in that relationship for a long time. For some reason, the number seven sticks out in my head, but I'm not like it takes like seven times before you actually leave. I think that's right. So even so I know there's like a lot of different things that we can analyze over that new law of them enforcing it. Um, but I'm grateful that now they're seeing, like, man, now we have a higher rate of strangulation. We need to start enforcing.
SPEAKER_00Maybe we should pay attention to this real thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. This is like um uh we need, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I think it's also important to remember that like your body remembers the trauma.
SPEAKER_01Oh, and we've talked about this multiple times because I do believe it's stored in certain places. And here's the strangulation thing. And what if someone even just barely touches you or you're getting your haircut, or you know, and and then you have trauma stored in this area. And and and how do you how do you get past that? That's like a lot of work. That's a lot of therapy and a lot of you know, working on yourself.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes when it comes up, you're like, Why did I just respond like that? Because you don't know, maybe like psychologically, but your body is like, no, there was trauma, and we remember. So I like because I've experienced that. Like something comes up and you're like, What is this? Where is this coming from? You can't put your finger on it. And but your body is just remembering something that happened to you, and it just comes up. And sometimes it's like time, sometimes it's like you said, like being touched in a certain area, like on your neck on your neck after somebody has tried to strangle you, or maybe like somebody like brushes past when they're pulling their hair, you know, you're getting your hair cut and they just brush your neck. I just can see this like this um nervous system response.
SPEAKER_01Well, and it's anywhere, like I mean so I that this one book that I had read a while ago, like you don't even necessarily have to be physically abused to have trauma store in certain places in your body. Yeah, because um no, psychological abuse stores in your body too. Yeah, in different spots, like through you know, throughout um I had to talk to you about like one time my shoulder was hurting really bad, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. So I read this book that was like, Oh, ask yourself these questions because your shoulder hurts. And when I started asking myself those questions, I was like, I didn't realize I was still dealing with that. That was emotional yeah, because it was the emotional pain from the trauma that I had had over whatever whatever how many years. And I I do believe things are stored in your body.
SPEAKER_00And it's not necessarily like you had emotional trauma and it had to do with your shoulder, that's just where your shoulder held a certain emotion. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So that might not necessarily be touched there or abused there or whatever, but that's where the trauma, yeah, the trauma might sit in different points.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Your body and even like because I I had a book that's similar to yours before, which I like your book better though. And I want to get that book.
SPEAKER_01Well, wait, I need to bring it in here to show show people what we're talking about.
SPEAKER_00It's it's amazing because when you start to learn more about the body and how like intertwined everything is in your life with your body, like it's it's kind of like we were talking about yesterday. Like moving your body can help you eliminate some things too. Even just like exercising can help your body get rid of some of those trapped emotions too. Yeah, you don't even have to like sometimes be conscious of it. It's just taking those self-care type of acts is telling your body it's okay to let that go right now.
SPEAKER_01That's beautiful. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
SPEAKER_00Frozen. Frozen was right.
SPEAKER_01Yes, frozen was right. Um, another story is happening in Australia. Over 110,000 people signed a petition calling for a national inquiry into femicide and systematic failures around relationship violence.
SPEAKER_00And this movement is demanding governments investigate police failures, court failures, repeat offender systems, and why so many warning signs are being missed. That's it right there. Let's take those seriously.
SPEAKER_01So, why are we not asking more questions with these warning signs like why didn't they leave? to asking why weren't they protected?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. Because it's easy to say, well, why didn't you just leave?
SPEAKER_00instead of saying, like, why didn't we protect her?
SPEAKER_01Because you know there are signs, especially signs.
SPEAKER_00If there's signs, if there's words, police calls, if there's whatever it is, what like she told a friend and the friend was trying to get her help, whatever it is, I think that we need to take a lot of these things more seriously. Now, we all understand that there's people that will say things happened that didn't because they want to get back at somebody. But if we just take it all seriously and we address it all like correctly, then I think we can get to a better place with all of these systems and these laws and these, you know, really um enforcing the protective orders and those kind of things. I think that it just it's gonna take unfortunately probably more people.
SPEAKER_01Well, more than 110,000 people to sign petitions to get awareness. Yeah. Um, we need to, I guess, stand closer together and fight for fight for us to no longer necessarily fight, but you know what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00Like no, but like stand up and have a voice about it, right? And talk about like, look, I'm safe now, but I haven't always been safe. And this is what happened to me. And I'm glad somebody took it seriously because I might not be here if they didn't. And I and I think that if we just get louder and louder and louder, I think that's the way that we make changes and like Karina and these other laws that have been passed, like it's because something tragic happened that now it's being paid attention to. But I would love to see us get to the point where we pay attention before the tragedy happens.
SPEAKER_01Do you want to talk about the one that we just learned about recently, the Owens law? The Owens Law. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know 100% if we're going to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_00I was just reading about it. So we went to this. What would you call that? Thing we went to. Just I get together with a bunch of women who are all in family court, and they were talking about like locally some laws that have been passed and some things that they're doing to kind of protect families a little bit better. It's not men, it's not women specific, it's just families in general, because children are also a part of all of this, too. And there was a woman there who I think it's been like three years ago, her son was supposed to come to her house for Mother's Day. It was the day before Mother's Day, and he was with his dad. And his dad had sexual abuse charges against him, allegations, and um his son didn't feel safe, and they were still trying to figure out custody.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they were still allowing him to go over to his house. Yeah, he didn't want to go to his dad's house. Well, yeah, even though all these things were happening.
SPEAKER_00So his dad was probably gonna lose his, he was a psychologist. He was probably gonna lose his license, and there were multiple women that had come forward and said that he had been abusive to them. Well, there he didn't want his son to go to his mom's house, so he ended up taking out his son and then taking out himself.
SPEAKER_02That was absolutely terrible.
SPEAKER_00It's the day before Mother's Day, and his mom, the child's mom, finds out and she's just devastated. So, what does she do? She doesn't sit in the corner and cry and fall into a deep depression and not do anything. She takes what happened and said, Look, I've been fighting for my child for all this time. You there's already proof, or there's already these big allegations against him that he isn't trustworthy with people, he isn't a safe person. So why was my son still being told that he had to go to his house? He had to go see his dad. He's like, why was he still given custody of a child when he had his own issues that he wasn't that beautiful that she had a voice and that she's able to start do you know what the owner is? And so the law is that the courts have to like judges, um attorneys, like everybody has to be retrained on how to take like what it looks like to take these allegations more seriously, and what it looks like to kind of like put a little bit more emphasis on if you have this history of like violence or abuse, that's a serious thing. And whether you it's not ever been against your family or not, or it has, like it's serious. Because if you can do it to somebody, you can do it to anybody.
SPEAKER_01Oh, this is beautiful. So it's that's it's awesome that she's able to do that and to to fight for things for well. So the law for our state here in Utah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I think that it's just one of those things like Karina's, right? Like this tragedy happened, but let's take it seriously so that no other children have to die. Because if it happened to me, that's what I would want to do. I want to make sure my child did not die in vain. I want to make sure that I could use this horror, horrific tragedy in my life as a way to save other children. Oh, I like that. Yeah. And I think that it's that serious. I I think we need to think about it that seriously because people are capable of awful things. Some people are capable of awful things. That's like it's the opposite of what that guy said, right? Like, people can't do that. And then on the other side of it, it's like, no, people can do that and way worse, actually.
SPEAKER_01And they also, some of those people that are doing these terrible things, they don't want other people knowing that they've been doing these terrible things. And so loud about it. No, not at all. But then when it starts escalating, it does become it does become loud. Or it's the quiet stuff, like, you know, her what happened to her son. And because yeah, she knew he was capable of it, but no one else did, and then he and she'd been fighting for it.
SPEAKER_00She'd been in court fighting for him to not have to go to his dad's house. Because the 16-year-old kid didn't want to go to his dad's house. And she didn't want him to go to his dad's house because she just didn't feel like he was safe there. And that was like, I take that back to mother's intuition. Like, you know if your child is safe with a parent or not. And if they're not, then like you should do something about it or try. And I and hopefully this will make it so that that try is taken more seriously. And again, I know people are going to abuse any law that's out there, but I would rather err on the side of like, let's figure this out than not taking it seriously at all. I think that there still needs to be a due process to make sure we need the laws to be more enforced.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, or or because that's the other thing too, right?
SPEAKER_00There's laws on the books, and they're just like sometimes laxadaisical about them.
SPEAKER_01Like they're just like, hmm, it'll be okay. It'll like enforcing the protection.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like yourself out. So Connecticut passed Jennifer's Law, which is recognized coercive control as a form of abuse. So um, that's one thing that it's hard for you to even understand that's happened to you yourself. So sometimes when you've been in a coercively controlled relationship, I don't know if that's how you say that. If you've been coercively controlled, you don't know what that like until somebody says this is what coercive control is, you don't understand that, like that that's happening to you.
SPEAKER_01Well, coercive control can be things like intimidation, isolation, financial control, threats, monitoring, manipulation, and psychological exhaustion. So there's many, and I don't think that you realize that it's happening either, like at all.
SPEAKER_00Well, you you might feel like I don't like how I'm being spoken to. I don't like being how I'm being treated. I don't like that like every time I do this, this is the you know, this is what I get. This is the consequence. And even though that's not a natural consequence, it's being enforced upon me, right? So, like, like we just said earlier, many, many, many people who've been emotionally abused say they would rather be hit. Yeah. Because that's easier to heal from.
SPEAKER_01Well, this course of control, that a lot of that path that um that they're gonna recognize it, that it's a form of abuse. I'm I hope that they are able to get these judges and attorneys and stuff um trained on really educated. Yeah, yeah. Some education knowing that that's what it is. Yeah. Because I think that some people can maybe use that, yeah, you know, the wrong way. And then some people who are really getting abused by this course of control, you know, really do need this kind of help.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And honestly, if you if you can switch your communication to text only, that's a really um good way to kind of spot the coercive control because now they can't now it's recorded.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Well, and in Irene GBT, if you use our tool, yeah, it can show you where that course of control is and the manipulation. Yeah. And um, you can like slowly get it to stop or not communicate at all. But um communication is a big I I feel is a very big one when it comes to all of this because course of control is very slow and methodical almost. Yeah, yeah. Again, you don't know what's going on until you until you do see it, or I mean, put your conversations into Irene and and see what it says. And then you can be like, oh, she's real good at identifying all those things. Yes, she is.
SPEAKER_00We gave her all the information she needed to help you to know like what's happening to you, what's happening, why is it happening? Um, how do I get pull away from it? What do I do next? Because every situation is so different. Like you can't just make a blank blanket statement that, oh, if they're being coercive controlling, you need to just leave. That's something that each individual needs to make that decision for themselves. Because there's varying levels of it too, and it also depends on who it is and what how they're doing it, and are they willing to change? You know, maybe they don't realize what they're doing, and you bring it to their attention and they're like, you know what, I do need to do better. There's all different levels of it, right? But I think that like it's important to remember that only you can make that decision for yourself and uh to always like make the best decision to keep your yourself safe, because your safety is number one, and only you know if you're safe or not.
SPEAKER_02Um so if is there anything else you wanted to add to that?
SPEAKER_01I just think right now course of control is very being spoken about a lot. Yeah, and it's new, it it's going to be newer in our systems, and with this law with her getting that passed and showing that it is abuse, I think it's going to start going throughout all of our states.
SPEAKER_00And it's beautiful when it happens in one state, and then the other states are like, Oh yeah, it's a problem here too.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And I I I know that I think it's going to be a good law that's going to be passed. Or I just have seen a lot of friends that have had this happen and and and you can't you're not the same person as what you were before when that kind of abuse happens. And sometimes you're just stuck in it for years or maybe till 40 years, 30, you know, like long, long time. Or maybe you don't ever get to get out of it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because you don't understand, or you don't you don't know what to do, you don't feel safe. Like there's a lot of reasons why people stay, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's uh there's a ton of reasons. And so for all these people who are passing these laws and trying to get things more enforced, like, thank you. Thank you for doing that, and and for being in the public and for fighting hard for not just yourself and your family, but for all these other people that need to be protected.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and kudos to the law, the lawmakers and the attorneys and the judges who see it for what it really is. Yeah. And I think that once I I feel that we've started down this path of taking psychological psychological abuse seriously. And I think that that the more awareness that's brought to it, the more that we can do to protect these men and women who are being abused. I think so too. And I and I I I hope that we can be a part of championing championing some of these laws into certain states, because I think I think that's kind of our big goal, right? Is to produ try to help people to heal, but also to try to help laws be passed so that less people have to experience this kind of abuse for such an extended period of time that it makes it very difficult for them to leave, very difficult for them to heal. All of that's possible still. It's just sometimes the deeper you're in it, sometimes the deeper it like the harder it is to pull yourself out. But you always can. Yeah, you always can heal from that. Yeah, there's always a way. There's always a way. And it starts with believing that there's a way and then taking those steps. If today's episode resonated with you, we want you to know that your experiences matter. At Irene Cares, we believe that clarity changes everything. If you'd like today's conversation, please remember to like and subscribe. And as always, thank you for being here and watching me and listening to the Irene Cares podcast.
SPEAKER_02And God bless.