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Irene Cares
Irene is a communication and emotional safety platform designed to help individuals heal, regain clarity, and respond with strength especially in high-conflict or abusive relationships. Built by survivors, Irene uses AI to analyze harmful or triggering messages, identify abusive language, and provide calm, healthy response options so users don’t have to engage in emotional back-and-forth.
Through features like message analysis, journaling with time-stamped documentation, and court-use evidence logging, Irene empowers users to protect their peace while creating a record of their experience. Whether navigating co-parenting with an abuser, processing emotional trauma, or learning healthier communication patterns, Irene provides a safe, supportive space to break cycles, rebuild confidence, and move forward with clarity and control.
Irene exists to remind users: what happened to you is not who you are and healing, freedom, and joy are possible again.
Irene Cares
EP36: PTSD Awareness - What It Is, What It Isn't
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Have you ever wondered why certain sounds, situations, or words send you spiraling — even when you're completely safe? You're not broken. You may be carrying invisible wounds.
In this episode, Hope and De'dy open an honest, compassionate conversation about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder — what it actually is, what it isn't, and why so many people are living with it without ever having a name for what they're experiencing.
PTSD isn't just something that happens to soldiers. It can develop after childhood abuse, relationship trauma, medical experiences, accidents, and more. And it doesn't always look the way movies and TV portray it.
In this episode we cover:
What PTSD really is — and the four core ways it shows up in daily life
The most damaging myths that keep people from getting support
Real-life examples of how trauma from abuse quietly affects relationships, work, sleep, focus, and emotions
The difference between having a hard time and needing professional support
Why healing starts with understanding — and why you are not to blame
Whether you're on your own healing journey, supporting someone you love, or simply curious to understand more — this episode is for you.
Your experiences are valid. Help is available. And this is a safe space.
🎙️ Subscribe, share, and join the conversation — we want to hear from you.
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Welcome to the Irene Cares Podcast. I'm Hope, and I'm Dee Dee.
SPEAKER_03Yes, you are. I am Didi. Today is is a Monday for me already. Like it's it feels very chaotic. It feels very Monday. Yeah. Very and I don't even know why. It happens. It happens, doesn't it? Yeah. And I'm just staring off into abyss, just smiling. Um man, this weekend was great. I thought Friday's weather was gonna be hectic and then turn into some nasty stuff, but it turned out to be so pretty. So nice. Pretty yeah.
SPEAKER_00After work, I went home and sat out back for like two hours. Did a little work and just like yeah, it was nice. It's I like this time of year because it's not super, super well, although Wednesday it's supposed to be 100 degrees, but well, usually it is pretty warm and not hot.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. My parents like sent us some videos. They were on some like this outlaw for like other UTV. Yeah, they're side by sides, right? But they couldn't finish it because it they had so much snow. Like they had to turn back around. That's wild. It's like, yeah, in May, I'm like, what is happening? But I mean, we need it, we need all the moisture we can get. Yeah, yeah. But I couldn't believe I would have turned around too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03So we yeah, we I think we both feel about the same way.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Well, today we're gonna talk about a very kind of heavy subject, something that affects a lot of people. Not just people who have been involved in a traumatic uh relationship, but something more like traumatic events. We're gonna talk today about PTSD. So it's kind of misunderstood, and we're gonna hopefully provide a little bit more clarity for those of you who might think that you might have a little PTSD.
SPEAKER_03And we and this will be uh our topic for the the whole month. This is part of our monthly. This is part yes, so part of our newsletter, part of like things that we will talk about even with our Facebook community and yeah, things like that. Which is live. It is live. So join it. We would love you to join um Irene Cares community. Yeah. So excited. We are so excited, it's gonna be so fun in there. I cannot wait. Um, PTSD is more common than people realize and often misunderstand. And we want to demystify it after offer clarity and create a safe space for this conversation for for everybody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So first let's define what PTSD actually is because it's not just being like stressed out.
SPEAKER_03No, no, not at all. And it can happen to many different types of people. So it's a mental health condition that can develop after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. It's a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances. PTSD isn't exclusive to veterans, it can result from car accidents, natural disasters, abuse, sexual assault, medical trauma, etc. Anything, I mean, anything heavy, it can happen to anybody.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um, so the main symptoms that from PTSD are re-experiencing them, avoidance, negative changes in mood or thought. Um, so let's debunk some of these myths. What do you say? Yeah, yeah. Um, so different kinds of myths are uh it can be a sign of weakness. You should just get over it. Only extreme events cause it.
SPEAKER_00And yeah, go ahead. And we hear it a lot of times with veterans, right? So I think that's kind of where our mind tends to go when we hear about PTSD. But that's because veterans experience some very traumatic events. But just like something traumatic for a veteran at war, um, a sexual assault or something like that can be very traumatic for somebody not at war. It's just a very traumatic event, right? And it affects everybody differently. And so some people might experience that and not have PTSD, and then others might experience it and have extreme PTSD. So it's just kind of where we are, I think. And I think sometimes there's like a stigma associated with mental health conditions like PTSD, um, and it can prevent people from getting help. Experiencing PTSD is not a choice, and it's not some sort of flaw in your character, it's not something that happens to you because you're not good enough or whatever, whatever the lies are around PTSD that I think sometimes kind of float around there. PTSD isn't something we choose, it's something that happens and it can impact your daily life. Yes, it can.
SPEAKER_03So we're when you don't even know it's happening. Like sometimes just you you'll be just walking down the road and something will will make you think of it and it'll trigger it.
SPEAKER_00And so, yeah, it it And then you spiral, and then you're wondering, like, what's wrong with me? I I why does why do I spiral every time you know a certain scenario happens or in certain places or certain times? Like it's just kind of like your body remembers, right? Like we talk about a lot. Your body remembers the trauma. So I think sometimes PTSD is just an intense moment of that memory.
SPEAKER_03I yes, I'm gonna keep saying yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00PTSD is sad and and hard, you know, it's it can be it can be very hard for everybody, not just the person who it's happening to, but like the people around them that are closest to them. Yes, your children or a spouse or good friends, even or family. Like you just never know when it's gonna show up and when it's gonna rear its ugly head. And so we want to give some clarity to it so that maybe you can kind of try to understand where if you have PTSD why you're feeling the way you're feeling, because you haven't been able to identify it. But then also we want to kind of help you see some tools that you can use and some things that you can do to kind of overcome that and work through that so that you can feel that peace again in your life and not feel so we're gonna go through some com most common examples of PTSD in abuse. So relationships. So survivor of childhood emotional abuse flinches whenever their partner raises their voice even slightly. Not because their partner's threatening, but because their nervous system learned long ago that a change in someone's tone meant danger is coming.
SPEAKER_03Uh I I think we could even go into that a little bit, like a little bit more too, because I I know a tone can affect a lot of things because you like like it's saying with a child, with a child, I I do believe it can happen with adults as well, like in adult relationships. And then when when you're no longer spoken to that way, sometimes you're waiting for that reaction to happen. And I can even use my an example from this weekend. I was having a very tough conversation with somebody, and I was literally waiting for him to raise his voice because I didn't even want to, I didn't even want to have the conversation that we were having, and the conversation needed to be had. Yeah. But it was like calm. And you and I've talked about this like recently, about um you and I being able to have calm, calm, you know, conversations when you're not used to it. But the whole flinching or the whole waiting, like, uh, are they gonna be so mad or something even flinching? Maybe you don't physically flinch, but inside you're like, well, and you're like, is this what is gonna happen? Is something bad gonna happen, or is it gonna be okay? And yeah, that is that is a form of PTSD, even though you might not be sitting there crying or or you know, like totally losing or yeah, losing your mind or going into deeper depression in that moment, but it's reverting you back to those moments that were very difficult.
SPEAKER_00Um the moments that kind of brought on those feelings every time you have a conversation that's important with somebody, you know? Yeah. Like it's it's hard enough to have the conversation, at least for me. Like confrontation for me sometimes is like it depends on the situation, but there's certain times when especially somebody that I love and care about, and I have to like be a little confrontational and talk about something big. Sometimes it feels really uncomfortable for me because I don't want to say it the wrong way or make them feel some type of way, but it needs to be said. The conversation needs to be had. So I might have my own anxiety around how it's gonna go. And I think that's what makes it hard to like step into that conversation.
SPEAKER_03Well, I've noticed that I've become like avoidant of those conversations, or I don't want to be seen, like I'm like, I'm just gonna close my eye right now.
SPEAKER_00Blink it over my head while I have this conversation or I'm like, let's just not even have it.
SPEAKER_03I just can't even have these conversations. Yeah, please. Can we do this in six months?
SPEAKER_00I'm still not ill, whatever that may look like. But the thing that I've realized is the more I do like go, I just have to have this conversation and I have it. I'm learning it goes a lot better than the way my mind is telling me it's gonna be better. Definitely, definitely. Because in my head, it's gonna be awful.
SPEAKER_03And then in real life, I'm like, oh why did I do that to myself before we had this conversation? Right. Uh, another example would be with work. Um, a woman who survived an abusive relationship struggles to function whenever her manager criticizes her work and back to like criticism or raising your voice. What others experience as routine feedback sends her into a shame spiral and a desperate urge to disappear. The same response she learned to have when she could never do anything right at home. Uh I think this is a big one because even now I'm watching a lot of like younger kids come into the workforce, and I I don't know what's going on in their their homes too, that that they're they're not good with critical thinking and they're not, you know, or problem solving, yes, or and the criticism getting to work without detail construction. Yeah, yes. And and I I think that comes with you know being a survivor of abuse and like freezer, like I don't know what to do. Yeah. So I'm just gonna I'm gonna sit here.
SPEAKER_00Tell me, give me a writer. But I think that too is a lot of times like when kids are raised in a home where every decision's made for them and they don't get to make their own decisions, they don't get to make mistakes, they don't get to like figure stuff out because there's too much micromanaging happening. I think it sometimes stunts their growth in that area. It kind of sometimes like they have anxiety around making a decision because they've never been trusted to make a decision, so they don't trust themselves to make that decision. Yeah. So that's something that I think as parents we can really work on is letting our kids make those choices. Like, yes, guiding them, but sometimes we have to allow our kids to fall.
SPEAKER_03Oh, you do, you do, it is. Well, when when people come out of relationships too, where they have been told what to do from morning until they go to bed, when they're out of those kind of relationships, it is so difficult to make those decisions. And so I can see when when you're having PTSD moments, when you're at work and you can't make those decisions, or you feel like your boss is angry at you when your boss is just trying to give you feedback. Because right uh as at that point in your life, you haven't really been making a lot of decisions, and so now you're scared. Because what if I make the wrong one? Well, what if you are making the right one? Or what if you do make the wrong one and you learn from it and and you can do better next time final when it comes to making decisions at work or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Like everyone's gonna make a bad decision once in a while, and that's how we learn, like you just said, that's how we learn, that's how we grow. So, so, but I also understand the like PTSD version of that where you make a decision and then your head is just spinning until you figure out if it really did work out right or not. Yes, you know, what happened? What is going on? Yeah, like I hope it's good. I don't know. Sleep is another one, which this is one of those that I never really thought about it like this before. But a survivor replaced scenes of past abuse past abuse during the night, waking up in a panic, heart racing, convinced that for a moment they're back in that house, and that relation and that relationship in that situation. So mornings bring exhaustion but relief. Relief because it's no longer happening, and exhaustion because your mind has been racing because all night you didn't get good sleep because you were in a like a state of anxiety, probably thinking you were right back in that traumatic relationship, traumatic situation.
SPEAKER_03That would be an awful feeling to have. Sleep is very important.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, especially as I get older.
SPEAKER_03Yes, sleep is very important. Um, concentration can become hard, like during an ordinary day. Uh, an imprompted memory of an abuse breaks through without warning, a phrase someone uses, a familiar smell, a certain kind of silence. Silence we talked about the other day. That one's a hard one. Yeah, pulling the person completely out of the present moment and back into the past.
SPEAKER_00I think this concentration one is a big one. At least for me it was. Because I would be just trying to function throughout the day, and then something would pop up and it would just completely distract me, and it would take a lot for me to get back into the present moment.
SPEAKER_03I had I had similar experiences as that. And sometimes I know it would even take hours, yeah, like hours to get back to normal, sometimes even days. And I remember having a conversation with one of my therapists, and I was like, when something would happen, I would be put in some kind of weird state for sometimes like seven days, and then eventually it got down to like I would be able to work through those moments to three days, to two days, to now like minutes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And that's beautiful. Yeah. Because I never, I never want to be back into that state of not being able to concentrate and only being zeroed in on that one moment.
SPEAKER_00And you might have moments or things come like that happen in your life that kind of take you back there for a moment. But the beautiful thing is once you learn how to kind of sit in it for a minute and realize, okay, this isn't as bad as my body's making me feel like it is, and you can just sit there and just let it kind of come up and then come back down, then that kind of teaches you, like, oh, I do have more control over this than I thought. And like you said, it could it could just last for a week and then a few days, and then you know, you can shorten that time. But once you have those skills and those tools, I think it makes it like, oh, I have this memory too of how I can bring my PTSD back down. And maybe some things that I can do in the moment when I'm feeling really out of control or really overwhelmed. I know that it's just temporary. Yeah, that whole thing's not gonna happen again in this moment, even though I'm feeling like I'm back in it right now.
SPEAKER_03It's so hard to work through all that. Because there are things that you can do so you don't, you know, like stay in it forever. Yeah. And I I mean we can talk about those in a little bit, but there are, you know, different modalities or tools, whatever you want to call it, tools, so you're not stuck.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and I love that. I love that as time goes on, we're learning more about the human mind and the human body and the human capabilities so that we can have specialists that help us move through those things in a way that it's like, okay, I can do this. It's not forever, it's not, I'm not gonna feel like this the rest of my life. There's a couple things I can do actually to kind of ease this, ease myself through this process right now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Emotional regulation. So a survivor finds themselves completely shutting down, going blank and silent. Whenever conflict arises, even mild disagreement, it isn't weakness, it's freeze response. It's the freeze response in their body. Perfect it as a child when fighting back or running wasn't an option. So emotional regulation. That's a big one for me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm a very emotional person. I feel everything very big.
SPEAKER_03Oh emotional. Yeah, I'm a big crier, or like I feel like I when I feel things, I feel them big and loud, and I show my emotion right. Yeah, I show it on my face, I show it all over my body, and so that one is a difficult when I was growing up.
SPEAKER_00I didn't realize that I felt emotion so big. I thought everybody felt the same way. But then I was like, why am I the one that's crying though? And why does this feel so big and heavy for me? And like I would always ask myself these questions, and then as I I got older and I understood, no, I probably feel things a lot more intensely than a lot of people do. That's just the way I'm wired. Which I love myself. I love that for me because it makes me really uh attuned to like maybe emotionally understanding where somebody's coming from. Because when I talk to people, I can feel their energy in a very like big way, but I can also like empathize with them in an even bigger way where it feels like I can see like not fully because I haven't experienced everything that people have gone through, but I feel like I can empathize so deeply with people because of that big feelings that I have. Yeah, and you can.
SPEAKER_03You you and you sense when people are you know in pain or hurting, so you're able to yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, which is hard sometimes, but as I've gotten older, I've I've given myself some tools. I've learned some tools myself to like because there's certain situations where I don't want to feel big and I protect my energy there, and I just kind of like like maybe in my mind and in my body a little bit, I take a step back. Oh, so that there's space there so that I can let that person be and feel and do all the things, and I'm not a part of that because I used to always like engage with that energy.
SPEAKER_03Well, you probably felt like you needed to in order to help them, but now but now you're able to see it and then help them without having to engage them. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I felt like I had to feel everything in order to help them, and I've learned that I don't have to feel it all in order to help them. I can just be there as somebody that like just has a deeply empathetic heart and just a big loving heart. And I can show up like that instead of showing up and I like that and feeling overwhelmed. Because I feel overwhelmed. Like if I'm in a big group of people and there's a lot of lot going on, I feel overwhelmed easily. I can handle the situation, but when I go home, it's like I need to be alone and I need to be up.
SPEAKER_03And you probably need to sleep too. Then I yeah, and then I need sleep. That can be very weary and taxing. Yeah. Well, all these things that we've talked about from, you know, um, in your workspace or sleeping, or you know, emotional all of these things that we're talking about. These are sometimes very silent and invisible wounds, like something that you keep personal to you. And so sometimes people don't even know, you know, that anything is going on, but how it affects your internal experience, even if outwardly everything seems to be fine. So, you know, it is affecting PTSD, does affect you. Yes, so and some people some people can handle it very well when they're having one of those moments because they don't want other people to see that anything's going on, and then there's other people when like me, I would have a complete breakdown and have to leave. Now I can handle it differently, but then I couldn't. So there's different ways that people are handling this, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And that's beautiful because that's growth. That's you going, okay, I know this feels and looks like what can I do with it now so that I don't have to feel this intensity every single time. Correct. A little thing happens that's that brings all those memories back.
SPEAKER_03That's great. Well, and if you're experiencing any of these things, um, you can consider professional help and different kinds of support, support from your family.
SPEAKER_00Um therapy, medication, support groups like Irene Cares support group on Facebook. Yep.
SPEAKER_01Please join stress is the importance. What was I gonna say?
SPEAKER_00No, the importance of kindness to oneself throughout the process is very important. Yes, it is.
SPEAKER_03Yes, you need to be kind to yourself because what is happening to you, there's nothing wrong with you. Right. Your body is just trying to process what it what what it's going through.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And and it's okay to feel all those feelings really big. And what I like to do when things get feel like almost overwhelming is to start to identify different feelings I'm having so that I can speak truth to them instead of like remembering because it's usually a lie that I'm being told or it's a past truth and not a current truth. So I try and flip it around and just start to speak on like the things that are factual in my life at this time, and that's what helps me kind of like start to bring that stuff down too for me.
SPEAKER_03I like that. There's other ways to you can have like you can empower yourself by getting more gaining more knowledge about what is PTSD and what is available for you for your to to go towards different steps of healing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because your experiences are valid and you do need to give a little bit of energy to those experiences because I'm one of those people that I well I think I believe that. Emotions are there to teach us something. So and if we just always shove them down, we're not learning lessons and they don't go away. But if we allow it to, we allow these things to happen and show up, and we figure out, you know, whether it's therapy or a support group or or a good friend that maybe has walked through PTSD before, it's really good for us to understand that like we have control to a certain extent. And sometimes we need professional help, but those professionals can give us tools so that the next time it shows up, we go, oh, I remember what I can do with this. This emotion is coming up. Why is this here? Why am I feeling like this? And then kind of work through like the what why you're feeling like that. And then I like to always go back to facts because facts are a way for us to dispel all the anxiety and the lies that like might be circling in our minds. And we all have a huge library of facts, of things that have happened in our lives to prove those lies wrong.
SPEAKER_03Yes, and and we've talked about that before talked about that before. Um I have a like a journal that is on the very front of it. It does say facts because when I would have a big moment or a big thing that would happen, I would go home and I would write it down because I didn't want to forget it in the way that it happened for me.
SPEAKER_00You wanted to remember it exactly how it happened.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes. And um, when I would have some of these um PTSD moments, I was able to go back and I and look at that fax journal and realize, okay, okay, this is really what happened. And then what is the next step for me? And so the next step for me would either to be go for a walk and I would go for a really long walk, or I would take a bath and I would listen to some music. Like there's different routes. So I wasn't stuck again in that moment for hours and hours on end. And the relief of it, knowing like, okay, I did remember it correctly. This is how it happened, and you can move on from that. Um, because PTSD is real and and you can get help and you can find the source of you know where all that pain is or the hurt, or I mean, whatever that trauma is, even if you were in a car accident. I mean, some of your trauma can be stored as you're, you know, driving your vehicle and you're you're knowing that you're gonna be in an accident and your kids are behind you, and that's really traumatic knowing that something could, you know, potentially happen to your children. Yeah. So you can find you can find different tools that will help you um get through get through it. Yeah. And it's okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it feels big and heavy when it happens, depending on what it what the traumatic event that the PTSD is surrounded by. Um, it feels really big and heavy. I remember one time, um, because I've used a lot of like natural remedies for stuff, and I remember listening to a therapist one time that used essential oils in her practice, and she worked with a lot with people that had PTSD. And she said what she would do before they even went into a session was she'd have them smell a bunch of different essential oils and pick their favorite one that they just loved. And then when they were having a session, if that person slipped into that PTSD moment, she'd have them smell that because our sense of smell is tied to um our sense of memory. So in that moment, when they're in this dark place, if they smell something that they love, it kind of would help them pull pull them back out for the moment or enough out of it that they could do some work with it. So just the the power of scent, too. But I like what you said because I think that we underestimate movement of our body and healing trauma. Because we've done we did a whole podcast on this too. But it's it's about when you move your body, like let's say you're in a moment and you go for a walk, moving your body kind of helps you to kind of process that a little bit. At least for me, that's always helped. You're a big walker too. Oh, I walk, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I walk, I walk a lot, and I feel that I get a lot of clarity when I'm walking. Because I don't, you know, you don't have your phone on you. You don't have, I mean, you can put your headphones in and listen to music or whatever, but I find it that it's just easier if I am concentrating on whatever, you know, whatever it is. I'm walking, I can get answers.
SPEAKER_00Music is kind of a distraction, right? So if you really need to dig into something, just sit with your thoughts and go for a walk, or have like just light music on, not like words to them, you know, not like songs like that, but like maybe some like calming music playing in your headphones if you want to listen to something. Because that will still allow you to like process while you're walking.
SPEAKER_03It can also help with nice music can help with so many things.
SPEAKER_00Music, walking. I mean, there's just there's a lot that we can do. PTSD is a real treatable condition, and and we need to understand that it's cr it's crucial. It's crucial for us to like pay attention to that so that we can process it. Yes. Um, it's it's big, it feels big, it feels heavy, but I promise you, if you get if you get a support group, you get a therapist, you talk to people, you you really let people know what's going on. Most people want to help. Yes, especially family.
SPEAKER_03So you're not stuck in that in that anymore.
SPEAKER_00And even if they don't understand, sometimes it's if we can at least open up to them, maybe that'll help them to kind of see like the pain that we're going through or or what we're struggling with. Because PTSD is a real thing for a lot of people, but it it doesn't have to be forever. So we just want you to know, like, no matter how bad it feels, find that support somewhere, find the the right people that you need in your corner to kind of help you walk through that and navigate that.
SPEAKER_03And we would love to hear from you and hear all of your experiences and share, comment. Uh, because the more we share with each other what we're all going through, the the quicker that we can heal.
SPEAKER_00And the more support we feel while we walk through hard, tough stuff, yeah, traumatic events and GTST. Mm-hmm. Because there's people that out there that really, really do want to help. And that's beautiful.
SPEAKER_03So remember, subscribe and join our conversation. And again, we are our Facebook is live. So our Facebook community. I Irene cares. Thank you so much for being here and God bless.