IN RECOVERY - The Ark House Podcast

IN RECOVERY - The Ark House Podcast - Episode 13 feat BRANDON BLOCK

• Ark House Rehab • Season 1 • Episode 13

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IN RECOVERY - THE ARK HOUSE PODCAST is with you every Monday. 

A companion guide for those on their addiction recovery journey, we also want to offer advice and support for those still suffering and offer solutions for those who just want to know more.

Welcome to the last episode in Season One. Very soon we will have a special bonus episode featuring highlights from Season One and we will be back in the summer for an extended Season Two. 

Every episode we speak to someone in the spotlight who shares their struggles with addiction. This week one of the world's most renowned DJ's whose party lifestyle led to a serious addiction. BRANDON BLOCK takes time out to chat to us about his recovery journey which now sees him coaching others to help them find a new path in life. 

This week's recovery hack comes from SIMON VERHAGE who started the Men's Mind Cave to create a safe and supportive space for men to explore their thoughts and feelings.  

And to end Season One in style, hosts SAM and RICHARD join forces to debunk the myths of addiction. Is it a choice? Can you come back from a relapse and can recovery actually be fun? 

This podcast shares real conversations, lived experience and honest stories of hope and transformation within the recovery community. From personal journeys to professional insights into addiction and treatment, IN Recovery gives a powerful voice to those walking the path of change. 

Join our recovery conversation...

We want to thank everyone for supporting us with Season One. We are overwhelmed with the positive feedback and love for the podcast. We are truly grateful and look forward to being back with you very soon. 

If you or a loved one need help from addiction, please know there is help. Reach out and speak to Ark House today....

PHONE 01723 371869

EMAIL info@arkhouserehab.co.uk

ADDRESS 15 Valley Road, Scarborough, Y011 2LY

WEBSITE www.arkhouserehab.co.uk

FACEBOOK  @arkhouserehabltd

INSTAGRAM @in_recovery_podcast

SPEAKER_02

Welcome to In Recovery, the Archives podcast that is your companion guide to recovery.

SPEAKER_00

Well, this podcast is for everyone. Whether you want to know more about addiction or just want to keep track of your own mental health.

SPEAKER_02

This is our last episode of season one. Before we are back very soon with season two, and we want to thank you for listening and joining our recovery conversation.

SPEAKER_00

So sit back and enjoy my recovery hats, my virginal stories of people changing their lives, and my celebrity recovery journeys.

SPEAKER_02

Today's guest under the Recovery Spotlight is a world famous DJ, music producer and radio presenter. He played some of the most iconic venues over his career,

RECOVERY SPOTLIGHT - BRANDON BLOCK

SPEAKER_02

including the Ministry of Sound, Term Mills, and also, of course, the White Island of Ibiza. After facing his own issues, he now helps others wanting to change their lives. He's a goal mapping coach, a motivational speaker, and a smart recovery UK ambassador. Great to welcome Brandon Block to the podcast. Hello.

SPEAKER_01

Good morning, mate, or good afternoon, or should I say, very shortly.

SPEAKER_02

So look, it's a great job for many DJing around the world. Tell me a bit about the highlights of your life on the road.

SPEAKER_01

Well, look, I mean, you know what? I was talking to a friend of mine this morning about my travelling. It was, I mean, you know, it was new back in when I started it in the in the in the acid house scene, or however you want to describe it, dance music, whatever the the change that we you know we embraced, and music he opened the doors, it was new. There was no, you know, we'd been in the 80s, we've been in the 80s pop sort of era. Then dance music uh let's say how do we describe it so American house music probably and the valeric sound all sort of came to one. So it's so it was a a cultural evolution. Along came along with that, obviously, the fame and you know, sort of being at the forefront with you know my peers who are still at it today. So 40 years down the line, it's a it's a career and it's a job, and it's you know something that you we'd be very fortunate to be able to do something you love for that many years. However, the glamour was a real small part of it because the rest of it was drugs, drink, travelling, lonely, you know, partying too hard, not resting enough, not eating well, not you know, the whole sort of thing, which wasn't we weren't aware of things, we didn't have the information back then, but you know, it you know, you you you you you put all that stuff together, it becomes quite an unhealthy life. So you can imagine what we were all going through. I mean, I'm not talking about just the DJs, I'm talking about that that whole thing was just crazy. We travelled, we travelled en masse around the world to party.

SPEAKER_02

And did you get any time to de-stress from the partying back then?

SPEAKER_01

You know, you don't realise that if you're you stay up till four, five, six, seven o'clock in the morning, but you do this often, you do it every night. You don't want to go out. You need to you your brain tells you eventually, I need downtime, I don't need to be in this all the time, I've got to rest, I've got to, you know, but then the rest is your chances are you're putting in a hotel room somewhere. It's there's no life balance at all. Look, I'm not moaning about it. It was a fantastic time to grow up, a fantastic musical evolution, a fantastic thing to be part of. To be growing up in that era was fantastic and incredible, but you know, it has its downside.

SPEAKER_02

I'm guessing at the start, the hedonistic life was fun. I mean, you know, when I started drinking and and and taking drugs, you know, I did it because I enjoyed it. When did you notice that things were changing in your substance use?

SPEAKER_01

I think I was probably quite aware back then without knowing that I had awareness, if that made sense. There was at one point in my life I was thinking, right, I can stop this. I know I'm doing too much, blah, blah, blah, but I can stop, I can stop. And then there's one morning I woke up and I thought I can't stop. And I I I knew I had that realization. I remember that, I remember that. I can't remember where it was, but I remember the moment, if it made sense. I I wouldn't know how to stop now, even if I wanted to. Because I was so entrenched in it, so immersed in that whole life, but also immersed in the drug taking and the using, I remember being thinking, what? Even to myself thinking, how did that happen, you know?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I mean, I remember hearing at the start of my journey that if you're questioning you have a problem, then you usually have.

SPEAKER_01

Totally. It's like this, like, so for instance, when people say, you know, like this, uh, you know, like that the serenity presence is says it all in fact, right? So when people say, Oh, I'm you know, I'm in control, to me, as a coach, I would say, well, if you've got to control something, you're not in control of it. Look, you you you you're you're you're in the recovery journey, right? So there's a tool that I used to use in coaching called the cycle of change. You must know it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It doesn't make sense. So you you start pre-contemplation, not thinking anything's wrong. All of a sudden something happens, you think twice about doing it again, but you're still not ready to stop. Should I, shouldn't I? And to count to counteract the should I shouldn't I, you take more gear and then you forget about it until the next time it happens, and you go, Oh fuck me, do you've got to think about this again now? Do I do I make that decision or do I not make that decision? And then you invariably go, right? I'm gonna do it again, and I'll take more gear and then I'll forget about it again. And that cycle's starting, so you and as you say, you can you can't really unlearn that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and and I as the cycle of change for anyone listening is a big part of the smart recovery technique. So smart stands for self-management and recovery training, which is what you've utilized in your recovery.

SPEAKER_01

Like when I found smart, because I think look, the thing about it is in the modern day, what we know, what we learn, or what we can learn, or what we're aware of now, let's say, is a whole lot more than what was going on 100 years ago. You know, support network is the founding of getting better, right? We know that. We knew to you can't, it's very difficult to do it on your own. I did it on my own pretty much, which is very difficult, and I would never recommend it. Our brains don't all work the same. This is the thing. We have different things that trigger us, we have different, you know, experiences in our lives, which which our brains adapt to. We have or they maybe they don't, but this is why the models that are available now are so varied and wide, because we have neuroplastic brains, we can change them. We, you know, our brains work differently. So we can by thinking, we can change our thoughts. As you know, in smart recovery, it's about managing the thoughts and the feelings and the behaviours. Once you can manage all those, you can change them.

SPEAKER_02

And I suppose the big thing to take away from this is that obviously drugs helped us train our brain in a certain way, so with work we can retrain it to another way.

SPEAKER_01

I found SMART in like two middle 2000s, and I thought, God, this just makes sense to me. I just got it because it was cognitive. My mind works cognitively. So for me to have that effect, it it made sense. And I I sort of thought, oh, this I can work with now because I was sort of, although I wasn't taking drugs, I was still out in a in a sort of real, sort of a strange place, if that makes sense. Incredible. Because you know, my drug stuff has forgotten about, it's gone. It's so long ago now. It's like a thing I did many years ago, I used to play cup football, you know, like all when I used to do disco dancing in 1987, and I used to do spins on my knees. I have very, very minimal memories about so it's more about living in the present moment now and you know, living on life's terms, as I say.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and I and I guess uh a lot of people um assume that when you put the drink and drugs down, you know, that's the hard work actually done. But in in my experience, you know, you need to learn how to live life again because literally everything has to change.

SPEAKER_01

But I worked out something that the reason they don't tell you they'll you're gonna get you're gonna wake up all of shit when you stop drinking and drugging, you will have the worst anxiety you've ever experienced in your life. You probably won't be able to go out of the house for a good period of time. You I would have gone, fuck that. You live in fear anyway. They're gonna just put the fear of life in you and you're gonna think, Christ, tell that, I don't think I could have two days of it, let alone months and months and months. But there's a method in the madness, I suppose. You know, they know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_02

Um yeah, and I guess it's the old age saying that the good thing is you get your emotions back, but the bad thing is you get your emotions back.

SPEAKER_01

You're right, you're right. Look, you know, and and there's another there's another side that I've found by doing some, you know, following certain people, or just you know, so it's a chemical or biological reaction, let's say. So you're aware of this. So for anyone listening who's not aware of the flight or flight response, so cortisol is the hormone which we released to shut down our bodily system so that we're unable to put strength into our arms or our legs to run or fight or freeze. So once the cortisol is worn off, which is either running or fighting, and you wear itself out, it goes. But because we don't have to do that often, let's say, in this world, we don't have you know the tigers chasing us or saber-tooth tigers or you know, mammoths or whatever to contend with. We don't have you know this the instinctual fear that we're we we're born with, but we we cre we we're told when we stop stuff from the media, we create this fear all day long. So we're constantly releasing cortisol. We we're not running, we're not getting rid of it. So we're making ourselves sort of unwell anyway, in that sort of environment. As well as releasing the cortisol, our bodies become accustomed to that environment, right? So that becomes a norm. If we are now in in contentment, right, which is a very it's not unusual for us, it's not something we're used to. Like happiness constant constantly is not something we're used to. So we then our bodies go, ooh, this is strange. I'm not sure, I'm not sure I'm okay with this. I don't know how to manage being happy for more than an hour. And your body, instead of your mind saying, right, I need to create drama, your body goes, create the environment so it releases a cortisol. You sort of become addicted to that feeling, and you'll you'll then you'll then become once you release cortisol, your body prepares for fight or flight, but you are then in that anxious state. Your body, without your mind involved, goes, I want to get the cortisol. God, this is what I'm doing. I you know, like sort of thinking, I just don't want any drama anymore. But you know, we love drama, we want to experience things. We want we that's why we go to you know, spongy jumping or skydiving or driving, you know, cycling through the woods, or going, you we want to experience these wonderful things that we have on offer.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think what's really important for us is not to chase any highs anymore. You know, that that's something I've learned in my recovery that you know it's all right today just to be at peace with yourself.

SPEAKER_01

Those those moments of let's say tranquility and peace are so wonderful. I think for me, what I found was after you let the drink and drugs go, because I never relapsed, you see, I didn't go back out there. I that wasn't my intention when I stopped because I was so bad that wasn't like oh I I wasn't concerned about relapsing. I the decision was so powerful when I made it that I knew that wouldn't be it, right? And I went and put myself back in clubs, I beef uh, blah blah everything went straight back in like a month after being out and detoxed for like three weeks. I came out and went straight back in to do everything I did. I said, Don't go out and do that. I said, nope, fuck off. And I did it was difficult. See, for me, it wasn't managing cravings and urges, it was managing my anxiety. More important, it's more about managing my chin, right? The instinctual human, the the you know, the the animal brain, whatever that's saying, the reaction reads. So it's just our reactions in a different way instead of using drugs or saying you may you may get angry, you may get anxious, you may get, you know, you're more or you may react to verbally, or so it's about managing that as opposed to managing all the other stuff which you used to have to manage. So it's just as you say, life is managing life in a way that's okay for us. I think the I think the thing that I'm more aware of now is that I have the power of choice.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's interesting, is that I mean the power of choice, you know, like like yourself, you know, I it was removed from me when I was in active addiction. You know, I had no choice other than to get up and find uh drugs and alcohol. You know, today's slightly different. You know, I I I work a program that allows me to explore and and look at myself on a daily basis. You know, this this whole programme today is about my my behaviours as opposed to about my drug use and my alcohol use. So and obviously it was it it's easier for me because I'm not in the public eye. You know, talk to me about the problems you had going back into the public eye and how you overcame those.

SPEAKER_01

I don't remember that being problematic, as that makes sense. I mean, we weren't able to analyse it the way we can now or judge it or stigmatise it or any of that. Because apart from emails, no one really knew what I was doing because no one could believe that you know, someone uh that with it had a problem with drugs at 90s in '96 when we were still partying hard, we were all doing it. It's just that I took it to certain lengths further. It was it was more like really as opposed to oh look at him. It was like really. So it wasn't until later on that things people start, you know, realizing that these things can be problematic and we start getting into trouble. But I was very outspoken about it. You know, I mixed Maggie's interview with me when I was in the detox that Karen saw me and we had a talk, and uh you know, I just said, I can't I can't explain what's going on, but I just cannot do that anymore. So I suppose it's it's again it's like the the conditioning, isn't it? It's about you know, we learn we know more about it now, so we can talk more about it articulately. But if you ask me back then, I'll just say, I don't know what the fuck's going on.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think today it's for me it's about being able to be honest and and and speak out about our problems so we can help other people and break that stigma.

SPEAKER_01

Totally. I mean, you know, it it's a great journey to go on, and you know, the the other thing you're also doing while you're in your where you are at our cars is you're helping people. That's we're connected creatures, man. You know, this is the whole point. That's half of the half of the problems we have is is not is not being connected.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think that one of the things that I learned pretty quickly was when I came into treatment, I've come from a place of total isolation, you know, using drugs and drinking by myself, you know, it was no longer a party for many, it was a party for one. And that connection that I felt when I came into Arcouse with seven 17 other people who were suffering the same as me, it became like a warm blanket around me. You know, one of the other things I'd I've also thought about whilst going through this programme is, you know, I need to stop chasing perfection. You know, somebody who taught me, my sponsor said to me, you know, whenever you seek perfection, you know, you're always in a place of disappointment. And it's about learning things, I guess.

SPEAKER_01

So listen, it was perfect to me. It's a jaguar, is the best Jaguar assembly or for are we perfect? Well, they think so at the time, and then they make it better the next year.

SPEAKER_02

Just going back to the DJing, which you said you went back into quickly, I think it's interesting because a lot of people seem to think life will always be mundane without a substance. But you've proved many people wrong. I mean, what is it like to go back into the same job, the same crowds, without a drink or drug? I'm guessing you probably actually enjoyed the music more.

SPEAKER_01

Well, exactly that. So for me, right now listen, anyone's listening who have it at that first taking one fearful of taking the first step, don't. Because it's about decision making, and you've got to make the decision which is right for you. And if it don't hum and har about it, you know that the decision's right. So make that decision. Once the decision's strong enough, you can go anywhere. I'm not saying, yes, look, I was struggling with anxiety when I went back to IB fan, I was struggling with in nightclubs, of course I was, because I'm in an environment which is constantly triggering me. Although the triggers weren't leaking to urges and that, I was still getting triggered and seeing it, you know, see yeah, and back then going to get it was still huge. Accepting that I made that decision, accepting that if I want to be in this environment, I'm gonna have to go through some pain or some um stressful moments. I I accepted that, but I still stuck it out. And you know, it wasn't about the changing because my music's always been my passion, you know. I've I've loved my music since you know day one. So it was never about whether I'm gonna listen to music anymore or whether I'm gonna DJ, it was all about how I'm gonna manage myself in that environment. So I suppose for anyone who's thinking about it, listen to this and think there's so much support now. So many organisations ready to help. And don't feel judged because you won't be judged. This is the thing, people and and don't feel alone because you're not alone. There's thousands and thousands of people doing this every day. So you should just reach out to whoever you want to and say, I need help, and you won't get turned away. And as I said, don't worry about changing your life because it's gonna be a change of life, but you don't want to live in the old life anymore. This is the thing.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I really resonate there with what you're saying around you know, new life, old life. Um, you know, my experience was that when I left the treatment centre, I was just basically decided that I was gonna walk my dogs on the beach, um, and and that was it. That was gonna be my life. However, you know, things change, things move on, and I've ended up becoming the director of Ark House, something that I never thought would have happened. But you know, today I can do these kind of things because I'm I'm free from the burden of you know drinking and using. You know, I have a I have a clear space in my head today, and and it and it's proof that both you and myself can move on with our lives. And obviously, you can still enjoy the things you love.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean, I enjoy being here, you know, with the ups and the downs. I actually enjoy the ups and the downs, you know. So uh everything's a bit of learning, isn't it? And then you get a chance to talk to you about the stuff you've learned and hopefully share that with people.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think that's one thing I enjoy most about my recovery is passing the message on. You know, it it's great when you're sat in a meeting and a newcomer's there and and they get some identification and you can see them lighting up to the fact that they don't need to use drink and drugs. Um, they can have a clean life if they're willing just to follow this path.

SPEAKER_01

The thing about it is, the most important thing here is to stop drinking and drugging. If it's not doing any good, stop it. As long as you can get to a place where you go, right, I know I'm in trouble now, or I know it's not doing the right thing anymore. After your first use, it'll never go back to that anyway, just so you'll know. You just get it steadily worse. And steadily you have to take more and more gear because your tolerance goes up, you know, and your constitution goes up, your environment changes, all this stuff. So you've just got to make that decision. This is not good for me. Once you do it, once you decide, you'll have your little devil on your devil angel on your shoulder going, oh let's know, I've solved that, let's do it, let's do it, you won't. You know, you know the decision you made, you know the decision's important, you know it's gonna help you in the rest of your life. And then you make look at is it an adventure? Instead of a recovery journey, discovery journey, right? What have I got to look forward to? Pretty much everything. The bad and the good, the scary and the not so scary, you know. So it's about experiencing life, but you wouldn't you've not been able to experience life when you're engriped in drug and alcohol addiction.

SPEAKER_02

So have you got any advice for people who are on their recovery journey?

SPEAKER_01

There's some fundamentals that we need to use. We have to learn to live with gratitude. It's a feeling of contentment and being gracious and knowing that the stuff you have that you're enough, that the stuff you have around you is enough. And even if it doesn't seem to be the same as someone else's, don't compare yourself. If you're alive and healthy, even if you're seeking help to get healthy, you're in the right path. So it's something to be grateful for. And even having you as a mentor or you know, having our cast, it's something to be grateful for. So if you can practice the grace uh the gratitude every day, uh it'll become a natural thing. So instead of waking up and thinking, oh, cook you, whatever, look at the sun's out, look at the lawn, look at the little cat sitting here who just can't keep me company. But so many things to be grateful for. And look, allowing yourself to sit in the in the in the in the rough times, because you know, life's not perfect. Well, I say that perfect. Life's not completely without anxiety or fear or stress. We know that. But just sit there. And you know, one thing anxiety will not kill you. You're changing your life. Don't be too hard on yourself, and remember that you're you're going to experience these things. And if you can just accept that that's all gonna happen, your life will change. There's lots of tools, lots of people to speak to, lots of things to do. Don't get disheartened. There's help out there for you. If you want me to help you, reach out. Just reach out, all right?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, thanks, Brandon, for your time today. Thanks for being so open and honest and all the best in your recovery journey in 2026 and beyond.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you, mate. Have a great day.

DEBUNKING THE MYTHS OF ADDICTION - SAM AND RICHARD

SPEAKER_00

However, some like misconceptions around addiction can do serious harm and add to the stigma that already exists.

SPEAKER_02

Addiction, as we have learnt over season one, is a complex and often misunderstood issue.

SPEAKER_00

So today, Richard and myself are going to discuss and debunk some of the biggest myths around addiction.

SPEAKER_02

So, Sam, let's start. Overcoming addiction is simply a matter of willpower. You can stop using drugs if you really want to.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't think so. The times I've wanted to stop using, and I'd completely you know, I'd say, oh, I'm gonna quit. I quit after the weekend, and then every time I remembered, it was like, oh, it's the weekend again. I couldn't stop for my kids, couldn't stop because of hospitalisation. I just could not stop on my own willpower. I had no power.

SPEAKER_02

You know, there are some people who who can take drugs and who can drink, and it and it affects them differently to us. I I'm one of those unfortunates that once I pick up a drug, I I cannot stop. And you know, I've had my kids crying in front of me, I've had My mum, my dad, brothers, sisters, my wife telling me that, you know, why can't you stop? There was no way I could stop because I genuinely believe I'd lost the power of choice. You know, the only option I had was to sit down and listen to a solution. And unfortunately, that's what I got in here today.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and when I did try stopping, the times when I didn't have a substance, you know, I was left with the feelings and the thoughts, you know, and that was so powerful, them horrible feelings, that, you know, I want I needed to drink and drug, you know, to back that off because I didn't have a solution at the time. All right, next myth. Addiction is a choice.

SPEAKER_02

Early in my um using days, I I used on a on a Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and I chose not to use on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday. You know, as my addiction started to take over, my choices became less. You know, right in the middle of it, my addiction, I found myself driving to a drug dealer's house at 7am in the morning to pick up seven bags of cocaine. You know, there was no choice left for me. I just knew I had to do that to just blank out what was going to go on in that day.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, in the beginning, I I enjoyed taking drugs. It was good times, but then then day, them days and nights, you know, it was getting everyday and night, you know, and problems started piling up, and then I couldn't deal with them, and I was taking more substances to deal with that, and you know, it was just no way out.

SPEAKER_02

You know, somebody uh talked to me about what's inside a bag of cocaine, and and it talks about things like, you know, in that bag of cocaine is your family, your car, your job, your money. Everything is in that bag, and I'm choosing to take that bag of cocaine, snort it up my nose, knowing full well that I'm gonna lose everything that I've just mentioned there. Any sane person would not do that, and then that's why I believe we are insane.

SPEAKER_00

So when I was younger, addicts and that used to come to my house and that and selling the stolen goods and that, and I remember thinking, like, why would you wanna why would you want to do all that? You know, they must like it. You know, I didn't understand then, but you know, today I have a deep understanding, you know, they couldn't help it. It wasn't a choice. You know, that you had to do all that stuff to get their substances, they didn't know of a solution. And maybe they didn't want one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Right, next one. Addiction only affects certain kinds of people.

SPEAKER_00

Well, addiction can take anybody, can't it? Whether you're rich, poor, you know, if you cannot stop once you start, we're fucked, aren't we?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. My biggest fear was walking into this treatment centre on day one. Because I was a bit of a posh to art. I hadn't got to the point of being on the streets using cocaine. Uh my perception of a drug addict was somebody, you know, who was on the streets. I still didn't understand that I was a drug addict. When I came into treatment and I'm sat down with 17 people in my first meeting, and they're all explaining how drugs make them feel and make them do things. That's when I realised that it doesn't matter what the substance is, it doesn't matter what part of the country you're from, how much money you've got, what job you've got, what family you've got, where you live, it will affect you if you are born with the gene that I believe that I was of addiction.

SPEAKER_00

Hey, next one. Drug and alcohol detox is enough for recovery.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I mean, this is quite personal to me. And during my recovery, I've actually opened, or my wife has actually opened, uh, a medical detox facility, um, which is a starting point for when people come into treatment. But that's just the start, you know. That doesn't that doesn't get to the root concerns as to why we use and why we do what we do. And that's why you need this follow-on treatment, whether it's going to meetings, whether it's engaging with a sponsor, whether it's psychotherapy, you know, whatever it is, that's where the real recovery is.

SPEAKER_00

So I've had like people coming out of detox and they've gone straight back out, you know, drinking, using, because they've not had that willingness to go to the meetings, get a sponsor, you know, and work this 12-step programme, which that's where the growth and the and the um recovery is, is looking at looking at yourself, dealing with the past, you know, and there's a beautiful life awaiting. You've just got to be open-minded, willing, and honest.

SPEAKER_02

So the next one, you have to hit rock bottom before you can get better.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, how many rock bottoms is there? Oh, there's so many rock bottoms. And you know, deep down I knew that I needed help. But it was it was one thing knowing that I needed help, and another thing trying to get it.

SPEAKER_02

Many people's rock bottoms come in different ways. Emotional rock bottoms, people have material rock bottoms where they've lost everything in life. You know, whatever your rock bottom is, and whenever it happens, you know, I would say reach out as quick as you can.

SPEAKER_00

So if you're listening and you think that you may have a problem, you know, reach out, you don't have to suffer. You know, people help is out there, people are there to help you. Next one. Treatment didn't work before, so there's no point trying again. I mean, never give up trying. It's taken me a few attempts at recovery. You know, it's been three years since I last injected something, two years since I last had a crack pipe, and just over a year since I had a drink. And I'm just over a year from free from old mind-altering substances, so never give up.

SPEAKER_02

I think there's a there's a paper out at the moment that talks about it. Usually it takes people seven times, seven attempts to get clean. My experience is that I got clean first time. Something happened in this treatment centre that uh allowed me to have not picked up anything for about six years. But I also understand that it's people's individual journey. And what I would say to anybody who's struggling, anybody who's wanting to come back from a relapse, you know, the only way you can get into recovery is by walking through the doors of AA, C A, NA, a treatment centre, and starting that road again. You know, you've always got a second chance. Right, okay. So, yeah, next one, Sam. Can you only get addicted to illegal drugs?

SPEAKER_00

No. I mean, you could be addicted to all kinds of things sex, alcohol, pornography. Oh, I mean, there's an endless list, isn't there? Shopping. I'm eating food, I can't stop eating. I think I need to 12-step it. So, like, alcohol's like the biggest, biggest one out there, isn't it? You know, the silent killer. Um, children are drinking it for all ages, standing outside the shops, it's all in nice bottles, all glittering it, all fancied, you know. And it's destroying a lot of lives.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I think with with alcohol, the difference is I can walk out of my home, I can turn right, I can walk into a a shop, a garage, post office, you know, wherever. And I and I can and I can see alcohol, I can buy alcohol. As an alcoholic, I genuinely believe that it must be frighteningly difficult, even with a programme, to walk down an aisle of Tesco's with drink on both sides, all of you, all of them looking at you to say, why don't you just open this and your day will get better? You know, as a drug addict, for me, I don't have that issue. You know, I understand that some alcoholics will suffer that on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_00

Right, last one, recovery is not fun.

SPEAKER_02

Recovery is fun. You know, I I came into the treatment centre and I had a roommate who had nothing in common with me. You know, recovery today is, you know, belly laughing. It's being it having the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and with whoever I want. I I sit with my family and I laugh. I go watch my kids play sport and I see the enjoyment that they get and the enjoyment that I get now because I'm present.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I love my life today, and that's something that I didn't do when I was in active addiction. I hated the person I was, I hated my life. I didn't want to be on this planet anymore. Uh it's not like that today. I'm present for my kids. You know, I'm smiling, I'm happy, I'm happy within, and that is priceless. You know, I'll hold on to this stuff because my life depends on it, and you know, I love my life today.

SPEAKER_03

In recovery. In recovery.

SPEAKER_02

So every episode we speak to someone who is passionate about the work they do in order to give people support on their

RECOVERY HACK - SIMON VERHAGE - MEN'S MIND CAVE

SPEAKER_02

recovery journey. This week, the person behind The Men's Mind Cave, which is a supportive online space for men who are given the chance to speak openly, be heard, and feel understood, or simply listen to. It's my pleasure to welcome to the podcast. Simon, how are you? Yeah, really good. Thank you, and thank you for inviting me onto this podcast as well. So, just a couple of things. Uh, I've done a little bit of reading. There's some quite shocking sort of stats that come out. One is 75% of suicides in the UK are men.

SPEAKER_04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

And also, men are three times more likely to become alcohol dependent than women. You know, for me, I read those and I was quite staggered at the um, you know, the difference between men and women. Absolutely. I guess from your point of view, you you kind of see this on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, there is an increase in the amount of men that feel just pressurized in how they're supposed to be performing in society. There's so many different things of you're supposed to be like this, you're supposed to be earning that amount. There's so much pressure on us. And this is the whole point about the men's mind cave that there is an element to be able to release and an element to be able to open up to the feelings that are going on within you. Essentially, that's what I tend to find myself. I had nowhere to go, I had nowhere that I could personally go to myself about the feelings, the anxiety and the depression that was building up within me. And I came to a stage where I was feeling extremely suicidal myself. I was taking overdoses of paracetamol and itoprofen, and I absolutely hated it. Part of the men's mind cave, I'd look at also the spiritual aspect of a man. It's not just who we are on the outside, it's not the physical body, it's everything to do with the mind, body, and soul. It's all interconnected with each other. And we can neglect the soul of what the soul needs. Okay, in simple terms, it can be the subconscious part of our minds where everything is stored from childhood. And we're going, right, okay, why on earth are we getting these feelings?

SPEAKER_02

Why on earth am I feeling this way? I think what's it I think what's interesting and what you say there, you know, I I came in here as a patient having done similar things to you. I've tried to commit suicide. I was struggling to live with me. There was some trauma when I was growing up, and I picked up cocaine and I picked up alcohol. And what that did for me was block all that out. Then you arrive in a room, I guess, like Man Cave Online, where you've got the opportunity to speak openly with people who understand you. And I guess that's a really good platform for men to be able to do that. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04

I went on the spiritual route. I went went to a spiritualist church. It resonated with me. Something felt right for me at that moment in time because I was actually able to connect with the soul part of me that I think most men are scared of. They think, oh, it's all woo-woo. We don't really want to be doing this at all. Why would we want to do something that a whole load of women are doing over there? You know, we can look at them and go, hold on a minute. But they're doing extremely well. Why is that? Because they're talking openly with each other, but for us as men, it's completely the opposite. We've sort of like shut down from that because otherwise we feel embarrassed.

SPEAKER_02

I I grew up in in West Yorkshire. You know, my dad was pretty blunt. Get off to school, get on with your life. You don't have to have thoughts or feelings. I'm just going to tell you where to go, what to do. You can't cry, you can't do this, you can't show emotion. And what happens is for me, it was ingrained in me. Because we're all energy at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_04

We can soak up energy from our parents, our partners, our children. We can encompass all of that energy. At the moment, I'm carrying the energy of my mother and father who's recently gone through a divorce. It's heavy, it's tiring. I get tired as well, and I'm continually having things like salt baths. One of the main amazing things that we tend to neglect is just our breath. And just being able to regulate ourselves with our breath. As soon as you teach somebody that, just in that very short space of time, of going, right, okay, let's just regulate your breath, let's bring that your center back to the present moment because no other moment matters. I learned through learning breath work was we can be carrying 14 generations of trauma within us, which is incredible. And we don't actually realize that. And we're at the moment where we can actually all change that. We can change that for ourselves and for generations to come.

SPEAKER_02

What are the common things that men kind of come to you with?

SPEAKER_04

There's the relationship problems, there's you know, money, money worries, there is the occasional person that has come to me with uh PTSD. Yeah, it's general anxiety and depression that they come to me with. And it's not about other people controlling us. It's not about us controlling people, it's about being in control of ourselves. So it's about being as calm as possible and authentic as possible, and you build on that basis of becoming the authentic person, being truthful with yourself, being honest.

SPEAKER_02

I um with this with the honesty thing, once I start getting honest, things become more real. I start to feel things more.

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

But also, I've got some great people who teach me things, and he gives me little snippets of stay out of the ring. Yes, don't respond in anger, put every email, every text message, every WhatsApp message into your draft box and look at it in 24 hours' time. You know, he says to me, you know, take a breath. It's really difficult as a man because you you you are this, you know, you're you're the head of the house and you're this and you're that, and you know, you're meant to be sporty and you're meant to do this and you're meant to act like that. And if there's confrontation, you go head at it and all that. And somebody says, Do you know what, Richard? Take a breath. And I'm like, why the fuck would I want to take a breath? That's weak. But I'm learning now. I'm learning that take a breath, take the emotion out of it, breathe as many times as you need to breathe until your head has got clarity, and then respond.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, no, absolutely, and especially if the other person's hot-headed as well at the same time. We can without actually realizing it, we can actually reflect that hot-headedness back. And it's also kill it with kindness as well. Because that goes a long way of being able to okay, just be in control of everything that you send out. The more authentic you can be and the more compassionate you can be to others, that eventually comes back to you and bring in that vibration of love that's all around us, you know, that the earth has made out of it. We can essentially bring that, encompass that and bring that within us and actually feel that, but also radiate that to other people as well.

SPEAKER_02

I suppose men that come to you, you talk about men that come to you with relationships issues. I presume they're they may use that a substance as a coping mechanism until they actually come to you and say, Listen, I need help.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, absolutely. And we sometimes look at the relationships as being a coping mechanism mechanism in itself. And that's sometimes why the relationships break down suddenly, is because we've been seeking, trying to find something that hasn't actually been there for the best part of our lives. And it can stem from childhood. I can bring it back to the childhood tribes of where we feel neglected. And again, like you said earlier, with your father going out and saying, Oh, you need to be like this and you need to be strong and powerful, resilient from everything. But that's effectively not what we are. We can't become somebody that we're not, we can only be ourselves.

SPEAKER_02

So if you had a your magic spiritual stick in your hand, yes, or you wand, you know, what will be sort of the the three things that we could do in society today to change men's mental health?

SPEAKER_04

It's essentially teaching men to be able to be more compassionate with themselves. And there's never a man that has to feel left alone. They're always listened to, there's always supported men out there that can actually help them on their journey and help them on their path. Because, like yourself, you understand what other men have been going through, and you've got that understanding, you've got that empathy for them, and it's coming together, it's connecting with other people, which is important.

SPEAKER_02

And I guess when you I and I guess you'll have seen people who have opened up to you, you've seen real change.

SPEAKER_04

Uh oh, absolutely, there has been massive change in also just giving them the tools and the techniques, like the breathing or emotional freedom technique, which is tapping, uh various different tools that they can just take home to do for themselves.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, it's good uh it's very, very good now. That there are places that what you're doing online, if today, if somebody was struggling, you know, what what would be your advice today for them?

SPEAKER_04

Don't be afraid. Never to feel afraid of actually reaching out to somebody else. Because there'll be somebody that will be able to give that air that you need at that particular time. And it's just being honest with yourself, just being able to say at the first instance, I've got a problem, the first hurdle that you need to reach, and that will take you a million miles to where you need to be.

SPEAKER_02

So if people wanted to get involved in Men's Mind Cave, you know, what do they have to do?

SPEAKER_04

So to come to the Men's Mind Cave is going onto the website, which is men's mindcave.co.uk and registering for the first free available Zoom meeting. Yeah, and then after that, it's nine pounds ninety-nine a month. It's a continual fortnightly group held on the Tuesday evening at 7.30 pm. If people want to do more, for instance, breath work, that's available to you.

SPEAKER_02

From my point of view, as I mean, I found it really, really interesting, you know, that there are people like you out there working with men who are obviously struggling. You've made me feel a lot calmer today.

SPEAKER_04

And thank you. Thank you so much for your time as well.

SPEAKER_00

If you have a loved one are suffering from addiction issues, please know there is help. Reach out to Arc House Rehab today.

SPEAKER_02

We will be back for season two of In Recovery very soon. But for now, make sure you have listened to all 13 episodes so far, full of inspirational stories, recovery hacks, and celebrity chats.

SPEAKER_00

And please follow us on Facebook and Instagram for daily recovery content. Hi Richard.