IN RECOVERY - The Ark House Podcast

IN RECOVERY - The Ark House Podcast - S1 EP14 - HIGHLIGHTS PART ONE

• Ark House Rehab • Season 1 • Episode 14

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IN RECOVERY is a companion guide for those on their recovery journey from addiction or for people wanting to make a change in their life. It's also a valuable resource for anyone wanting to know more about the stories and science behind addiction. 

IN RECOVERY is bought to you by Ark House Rehab in Scarborough which opened its doors 34 years ago and has since helped thousands of people on their recovery journeys. 

SEASON ONE has finished but in the first of two special episodes, we take a moment to look at the highlights of our chats with celebrities, professionals in the recovery community and former residents from Ark House who are thriving and want to carry the message of recovery to you. 

Sit back and enjoy chats with some of the most inspirational people you could meet. 

Richard, Sam and the team at IN RECOVERY want to thank your incredible support for Season One of the podcast. Season Two is currently in production and will be with you very soon. 

In the meantime please follow us on Facebook and Instagram for daily recovery content. 

If you or a loved one need help from addiction, please know there is help. Reach out and speak to Ark House today....

PHONE 01723 371869

EMAIL info@arkhouserehab.co.uk

ADDRESS 15 Valley Road, Scarborough, Y011 2LY

WEBSITE www.arkhouserehab.co.uk

FACEBOOK  @arkhouserehabltd

INSTAGRAM @in_recovery_podcast

SPEAKER_11

Welcome to a special extra episode of In Recovery, the At House podcast where we look at some of the highlights of season one. Mack House rehab opened its doors 34 years ago and has since helped thousands on their recovery journey from addiction. Every episode, we bring you interviews with professionals, offering them best to help you stay on the right track in recovery. We chat to celebrities who have battled their own addictions, and we speak to former residents of Mac House who offer them the message of faith, hope, and courage. And that's where we start with some of the inspirational stories from people who have locked in the doors of Mac House broken. And have gone on to walk a new path in life free of substances. The graduates of season one.

THE GRADUATES OF SEASON ONE

SPEAKER_11

So you mentioned you had a problem for four years,

JADE

SPEAKER_11

but when did you start drinking?

SPEAKER_00

Um when I was about I think I was 16, I've got in a relationship with my kids' dad for 10 years. I was suffering through domestic violence. So it was like numbing everything for me. So like, as bad as this sounds, like it weren't hurting me when it worked me. It was numbing me out, and then I still didn't realise I had a problem. And then I lost my first child. I've got two little boys, I lost my first kid and a doctor, then that just sent me completely off. And then I sort of myself out, I got a job, I work for care, um I went drinking, then I had my second child, and I started drinking again. Then I got took off me from foster care, and that's when I proper and I think it when I got because I'll get I got a sexual abuse thing that or another thing and I worked us.

SPEAKER_11

It's just some kind of trauma that we're trying to escape from, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00

I've lost my kids. I'm going to suspend a sentence. I never thought the things that I did, I never thought I wouldn't do sober.

SPEAKER_11

That's the thing, isn't it? We've all done things we wouldn't dream of doing sober. I mean, the crazy things I used to do, do you know, and I get so wrecked, do you know, and I and I think if you know, if anybody tried to tell you, oh Sam, look what you done this and you done that, I'm like, oh fuck off. If I don't remember, it didn't happen. Was it eye-opening coming in here and realising you was not the only one?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like when I come in here, I realised quite a lot because I thought I was on my own. When I come in here, they open my eyes like I weren't the only person. You know, these other people out there and the stuff what they've done. When I first come in here, I come in here like 21st of July. When I first come in, I was like, what have I actually come to here? What through this door and they pass me a little book, I was like, what is this book? I'm like, I don't believe in God. How is this book going to change my life around? And I never thought, I'd be this person or I am too from this place I want. And like that first week, I was like, I'm going on. I can't cope with it. Every excuse going, I was making religious, I don't pray, I do that. This is not for me, but do you know now if I'm sticking to it? I can't bank it enough. So grateful to have had the opportunity to come to this place and be the person who I am today.

GAZ

SPEAKER_11

Turning back the clock, do you remember when things were out of control?

SPEAKER_09

I always again, I always thought I was in control of alcohol. What I know now about my about my illness is that I lost control years ago. And I never went to work thinking I'm gonna have a really good day at work today. I always went to work thinking I can't wait to get there, but I can't wait to finish because I knew what was happening. You know, and it got to then it got to a point where you know I was just drinking round clock. I could go into work on a day, and if if I got through the first 10 minutes without my manager asking me if I've had a drink, I thought I'd got away with it. I'd say it was out of control for four years, but realistically, the last 10 years of my life has been ruled by alcohol.

SPEAKER_11

Yeah, I remember when I was younger and um I'd gone to go for an interview at an old people's um and I was so nervous, I thought, oh do you know and I went in public and had a few pants when I was only about 17, do you know? And I went for the interview, they're like, You've been drinking. I was like, No, no, it's from last night, you know, the live, even at that early age, do you know? I've I've never been able to get a job.

SPEAKER_09

And that's that's meant why you just said that, Sam, because I've got a really successful job and I went for an interview, and I was that thought I was riddled with anxiety around this job, but it wasn't. It was it was an early morning interview, and I was on a come down from the night before from the drink, and I went and I had you know, I had two three cans of desperados before that interview, and I got the job. So again, I I thought it was the norm that I could get away with this drinking because I was just overruled by that king alcohol that was you know that was my master.

SPEAKER_11

So, do you remember like walking through the doors of Ark House?

SPEAKER_09

What was that like for you? I'll never forget pulling up at Ark House. I'd I'd left the Zimmer frame at the hospital door, got out of the van, and I just stared up. Look, I was just looking at this big, massive building, or thinking, what has it come to that I'm here? Sam, the driver, helped me up the steps because I couldn't physically get up. That's how much you know damage I'd done to myself physically. I couldn't get up the steps, and I remember walking through that door and uh I was greeted by the staff. You know, it saved my life up to, you know, just for today anyway.

SPEAKER_11

If you could whittle it down to just one thing, what part of the rehab process had the most positive effect on you?

SPEAKER_09

I didn't believe that this was life or death. I I just thought that I was coming in for a few for a few months just to give my organs a rest. I'd never heard about the 12 steps, I'd never heard about rehab, I'd never heard about recovery. I think the one pivotal thing for me was knowing that if I didn't give this my all and start listening, I went to see my counsellor and uh and I said, I don't I don't think this recovery is for me. And his words to me were, but you're dying. If you're not gonna, you know, willing to put in a bit of action, get honest and be open-minded. He says, You're gonna drink again and you you're gonna die. And that that was the pivotal change for me. That that penny dropped, and that's when I started to to really knuckle down for this stuff.

SPEAKER_11

Yeah, when the penny dropped for me, you know, I realised how important like being honest and open-minded and willing. Um, how is it now working in the place that helps you change your life?

SPEAKER_09

Uh I mean, there's not there's not really many words to describe it. Whatever goes on outside of work, we have to deal with life. But when I come here, I just the sense of satisfaction knowing that I'm I'm helping another addict. And and when I came in here, somebody says to me, you know, guys, there's a beautiful life waiting for you if if you want it. I have that pleasure today of coming in today and and seeing people that that come in as broken as I was, and knowing that I can I can go up to them and say, it's gonna be alright. And and to get to carry that message to you know to the still suffering is I have no words, it's just it's just beautiful.

DANNIELLE

SPEAKER_10

Well, it was admitting to myself that I was an alcoholic, an addict, you know, it's it's it's the first step in recovery and it's it's the hardest one for a reason. I felt a lot of shame and guilt had to to being an addict. You know, I I literally couldn't see my myself standing in the truth of that and being able to have a light shined on it as this is actually good. I hated who I was and I'd hated who I'd become. I knew deep down I was an addict, but that you know, I just carried on trying to mask it the best the best I could. How did you find yourself coming into work? Unfortunately, it wasn't a decision I made, the decision was taken out of my hands. It was sort of like an intervention. My mum and my ex-partner had spoken to each other and just said, we need to get her into treatment. The consequences have got really bad for me, and and I was frightened, you know. I I thought I was gonna die. Do you remember walking through the doors? Yes, funnily enough, yes, I do. Um I was petrified of coming into treatment, and I for some strange reason thought that um it was going to put me in a padded room um with a white strait jacket on and shut the door and um take away the key. But um I couldn't be more wrong as to what rehab actually was. You know, I think there's a stigma, a massive stigma around what rehab does for you um or what it looks like, and it you know, everything that the people think it might be, it's it's the total opposite for me. You know, it's it really is a growth, a growth programme, you know, and and this building, you know, our house, the building that gets so many people well, it's a real healing healing building. You know, I there's an energy in there that um that heals, and it's just an amazing place to be.

SPEAKER_11

I agree. So when I walk up the steps in the morning and that and I walk through the door, it's just something it's something inside of me is just lifted, it's beautiful. What things helped change your mindset whilst you was here?

SPEAKER_10

It was definitely the staff for me. There was a lot of staff members here that had a lot of brilliant recovery and they had their families back, and they, you know, wasn't having huge consequences and living a really happy life, and it really confused me when I first came, when I first came in because I was a bit like, why are these people happy and sober? But over time, you know, through work in the steps, and it's not a one-off, a one-off thing, you know, it's a it's a daily reprieve, and I thoroughly believe in the programme and that it works if you work

DAVE

SPEAKER_10

it.

SPEAKER_11

For people scared of coming into rehab, what would you say to them?

SPEAKER_15

There's not absolutely nothing to be scared of. I know naturally people will be fearful of change. What's actually in the unknown is an infinite amount of possibilities. Oh well, I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know what it's like there. Well, let's rain it back then. What are you doing now, and how's that for you? What have you been doing previously, and how has that been working out? What are doing always coming to our cows? Look back at what's going on, how does that look? Right, there's an opportunity of change. I needed to see evidence. It was no good people just talking to me and seeing what could be achieved because that wouldn't work for my head. My head doesn't work like that, alright? I want to see evidence and I want to see it in front of me with my eyes, and that's exactly what I saw when I come to Archals. Right, people who are in recovery from addiction, insanity, who have worked this, been shown this solution, this 12-step programme, and their lives are completely different. Alright, and that evidence was enough for me.

SPEAKER_11

Yeah, personally, I wouldn't have thought recovery ever possible until I've seen it working in other people. Like when people work first come through the doors and that, you know, it reminds me where I've been, you know, broken, lost, scared. When they get used to it a little bit, you know, and they come to come back to life. And it's a journey, isn't it? Self-discovery. Oh, we're without the substances. Every week on In Recovery, we speak to some of the UK's biggest stars who have battled addiction and have kindly given up their time to share their stories in the hope. It will help others.

RICHARD MYLAN

SPEAKER_03

So, what was the turning point in your recovery? What was that moment that you thought I need to change my life here?

SPEAKER_05

It was my it was my wife, right? It was my now wife. Um, I told her really early on in that relationship that I had a problem with heroin. I don't think she fully understood the severity of it until she saw me in the throes of it. When I was at my lowest, I was like, I am sick of the perpetual drowning. I'm I'm tired of it. I've had enough. And she's like, we'll do it together. You know, I've got you, and um, we'll go through it. I'll I've I'll take you by the hand, we'll go through it together. And that was the the turning point for me was having somebody, and I was incredibly fortunate to have a uh a woman as strong as as Tammy is. And um I think we get to that stage as well of our life. It doesn't matter whether you started addiction in your late 20s or you started it earlier, you get to a stage of your life where you know that you that you've had enough, that you're that the cycle has just worn you down. Um, so yeah, that that was me.

SPEAKER_03

It was my 11-year-old who'd sent me a text message whilst I was sat in a hotel saying, Dad, I love you. My mum's told me what you're doing, and I just want you to come home. That particular moment in my life, I'd run out of money, I'd run out of ideas, I'd run out of options, the drugs weren't working anymore. And I drove home that night and I walked through the door, and my wife said to me, Just tell him you're a drug addict. You know, and then he came to the door, did my 11-year-old and looked at me, and I looked him in the eye and I said, Your dad's a drug addict. And that was the moment. He fell to the floor and cried. And then they both left the room. And my wife said to me, You need to get into a rehab. And it was really interesting because I came into this rehab five and a half years ago, and I knew before I'd even walked down the back of the stairs, I'd had my last line of cocaine. I knew I was dumb, you know, and this is what this program's done for me. It's the program that's given me the solution to the problem that I had for 17 years. You know, we I'm finding it amazing that people in the spotlight, you know, are are out there giving a voice to others in who are still out there suffering. So I appreciate that you're really, really busy and you've probably got a lot on today. But thank you very much for your time and uh good luck.

SPEAKER_05

Listen, it's an absolute pleasure because what you guys are doing up there is is admirable and crucial, and I will always, always help in any way I can. So thank you for having

LULU POPPLEWELL

SPEAKER_05

me on.

SPEAKER_03

What was the breaking point in your addiction? You thought enough was enough? You know, when did that happen in your life?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for me it was like I actually was I'd had a series of terrible moments, like you know, the classic waking up in the park with a black eye, and they're very easy to talk about in terms of war stories, but actually it was more this gradual internal grinding feeling of like like no longer wanting to exist and just sort of like you know, it's more of a feeling than an event, I think.

SPEAKER_16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But I had a I'd gone to I'd gone to a a a non-residential rehab, having tried two residential ones before. And I I remember two weeks in I relapsed, and then I was I was sitting on this roof, the sun coming up, and as I went down to do this line, I and I did it, and I just remember thinking, as I was doing it, what the hell are you doing? Like what honestly, if not, if it's not now, you're you're gonna die. It's never gonna be. I it was this really profound moment, and it was like this, like I could like the sun was coming up over the horizon. I was on my own, and I just had this real strong feeling of like, you're either gonna, you're either gonna die now or you're gonna change something, and I'm really glad it wasn't.

SPEAKER_03

Um, I walked down the back stairs of this place, and at 48 years old, I knew I was never gonna take drugs again. Something had turned in my brain to say, you don't need this anymore. But then there was this harsh reality of, but how do I stop? Yeah, what do I do? And that's where this program came in because for me it was 12 steps, one to 12. It was the first 103 pages of a book that I was told to go read, digest.

SPEAKER_01

Personally, I mean, I know that I used to, and to an extent still do, create a narrative for myself so I can be very, you know, quote unquote honest. I can go in and say, here are my flaws, and you know, I'm deceptive, I'm unkind, but because I'm sort of reading them like a script, I'm not really so. I also felt that I what I needed the first time around was um I did have a sponsor, but I also was doing some of the steps in in the rehab as well, and I needed someone there who was trained to go bullshit.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like what do you what does any of this mean? Like, like you've created this beautiful narrative where you're kind of like self-flagellating and saying, Oh, I'm a terrible person, but but a lot, but a lot of people can just slide through four and five in a kind of woe is me on, and um, so it it it is sometimes worth doing the steps over and over again with different people because yeah, um, you we are very good at manipulating and line, even when we think we're having this honest, unburdening session. Some of us, I'm I'm really talking about myself, but yeah, I can't speak for other people, but like we'll be uh creating a creating a narrative uh along the way. So um I think I think even the steps, you know, you've got to be you've got to be willing to really like dig into that. And um as you say, when you come in feeling so unmanageable to be told like, all right, well, there's 12 steps. Here's the big book, like just for today. It is it does feel very kind of uh safe in a way to be to be told there is a a written out method of s of tackling

MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE

SPEAKER_01

it.

SPEAKER_03

I guess I suppose I've done my rehab in reverse to you. So I came in as a cocaine addict who didn't understand that he was an alcoholic. And when he left treatment, found out he also had issues with food.

SPEAKER_06

Well, it's really interesting, right? So I learned 30 something years ago that a lot of people in recovery for drugs and alcohol, if they can remember, if you start asking them what their eating was like before drugs and alcohol completely took over their lives, there are a huge number of people for whom the addict was already there. And like, not for everybody, right? But it makes sense. You think about this when you're weaned as a kid, right? Everything you're told then is good boy, eat up, aren't you good? If you do this, then you can have, right? So everything is approval based. So when you start to experience that feeling of discomfort and loneliness, the the food comfort makes perfect sense.

SPEAKER_03

That I realised the correlation between my eating habits were exactly the same as my drug use, in that yeah, I put one in and I couldn't stop. I was dishonest around my behaviour, and all this I ate to take that pain away.

SPEAKER_06

Which is why what the 12-step program of recovery does is bring about this thing of scrupulous honesty. And a lot of addicts in early recovery, especially, have no idea how to manage that and tell too many people too many things too often. Yeah, but as well. But that thing about honesty, why why does it matter? It matters because it's the only way you can be loved. So when you're when you do your step five with a with a sponsor or whatever version, even if someone's following, like not a 12-step thing, but when you do some version of that of truly telling someone who you are and find out that you're already forgiven and you're already loved, that is a greater feeling of connection than most addicts have had through the entirety of their time using. So honestly, it's why honesty matters, it's so important. The other thing I think is it's crystal clear is they're called the steps because you go up and one at a time and all the rest of it. If you don't get to the top, if you don't make it to step 12, you're missing out on the view that you get from the top. It's not about arrogance, you're not talking about looking down at other people. I mean, the view from the top is amazing. And the number of times I, in my own recovery, have been going up those steps and got stuck for some reason and just stopped halfway up a staircase. Well, it's a staircase. You know, it's supposed to get you to the top because there's something waiting for you up there and it's better. The thing I've learned in 30, very nearly 35 years of being sober from drugs and alcohol and dealing with the eating disorder and, you know, other forms of recovery have come to me later. The biggest thing I've learned is that 12-step recovery will get you sober and it will start to give you all of the tools that you need to live. But there is a big question: what life? What life do you choose for yourself now you're sober? So when I was in the business of accumulating the thing I needed to get high, I was very good at that. When I was getting high, I was very good at that. When I was hiding, having been high, I was very good at that. When I was planning the next one, it was a flow activity. I was on it always, even when it was difficult, just on it. If I try and live my life in recovery without flow activities, stuff that I am good at that makes me feel good, that I'm like, yeah, good, I got busy doing that thing. And I don't mean recovery, I don't mean loads of meetings and sponsorship and stuff. That's important, but I mean like, what are you gonna be good at? What's gonna give you a feeling that, like, yeah, this is a life I absolutely must stay sober for?

DANIEL O'REILLY

SPEAKER_07

But it was the first time that I I didn't want to be me, and then not wanting to be out and not wanting to be me, I enjoyed drinking drugs, so I'm just gonna stay in and that's that's gonna be me now.

SPEAKER_11

Yeah, I can relate to that, you know, not wanting to be me anymore. Do you know? I didn't even know who I was, you know, looking in the mirror, I just think, who are you? You're not who I thought I was. You know, time and time again, I found myself sitting there on my own, you know, with drink and drugs, you know, I didn't want to be around other people. We think like being alone is a safe space, don't we? Closing off to the world and taking our medications to deal with our emotions.

SPEAKER_07

Right, I I I mean, I I was never taught to how to handle my emotions. I've diagnosed ADHD as well for overthinking and uh catastrophizing and having low dopamine levels, the recipe for disaster when you when you lean into uh alcohol and drugs. But my father died just after all of that stuff happened as well, and I just couldn't cope with it. I just it was like something broke in me where I was like, I didn't I didn't know what I know now. I have lists and things I check. I'm like, have I consumed negative content too much? Am I doom scrolling? Am I eating crap food? Uh am I focusing on negative stuff? Am I being around negative people? You know, I I I'm I normally go through them and then I'm like, oh fucking hell, that's why. But back then I didn't realise that my mental health was getting destroyed from drinking drugs. I I had no contact, I couldn't connect the dots between wanting to. Take my own life and crying and being on my knees and and sniffing coke all weekend.

SPEAKER_11

And as well as the drugs escalating, I'm guessing with the film you got, your ego went out of control as well.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah, social media is the worst for addicts. Like it is con even now, like it's a problem for me. Yeah, and I'm not just like the the negativity that I get uh through my work, like I struggle with because my ego, I'm battling with my ego all the time, you know. I want everyone to like me and love me, but yet I want to be controversial and have my finger on the pulse. It doesn't work. Uh, but also it's a problem getting so much love and adulation, you know. It that's an issue as well. That's addictive. I mean, for me, how I counter that is through service is by trying to do stuff for other people, is um to and to try and have a healthy balance of sharing stuff that isn't going well for me. I was portraying a life on the outside that people may have been envious of, uh, but on the in but I was lying, especially about being a good parent. I wasn't being when I was drinking and when I was sexing, and you know, but but then I'd post videos of me with the family and with the kids, and everyone was like, Oh, amazing, you're so wonderful. And and I think that's where my lowest, my, my, where my darkest moments really came from because my my I think I believe that our our sort of happiness is is is linked to our self-esteem, so how we view ourselves. Do you know what I mean? So, like my view of myself, I knew that I was I was lying and I felt shit about myself. And in turn, I've I've I treated myself badly, you know. I wanted to escape from myself. That's what it's all about to me. Is when you work on yourself enough and you're honest about who you are and you're accountable for your actions, and you start to like yourself, you stop running from yourself, and that's that's the work, I

KEVIN MATHURIN

SPEAKER_07

think.

SPEAKER_03

And can you remember your last Christmas in the madness?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I basically used to just turn up to my mum's hire just to turn up in time for the dinner, yeah, and then looking at the clock thinking you know, I'd make an excuse. So I'd literally be there maybe an hour to two hours, like so disrespectful, man. Yeah, and then just to go back to my flat on my own, so heartbreaking to think back now, so disrespectful.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I mean, my I think one of my last Christmases that I had out there was um, you know, I I was about 400 metres away from my house in a car asleep, and I couldn't get out of the car and go celebrate Christmas because my head was telling me that they're gonna find out that I'm using that, I've done this, I've done that, and done the other. And I sat there for 12 hours, and then I just drove my drove my car away and just sat in another car park. Wow, and you know, today Christmas is totally different for me. You know, today is I'm not even thinking about what present shall I buy my mum today. You know, she just wants to see me, yeah, and she wants to see me clean and sober and be able to sit down and have a conversation like me and you are having today, talking about whatever, and and she's happy with that, and I'm happy with that today.

SPEAKER_04

The person that's in front of her, she's like, okay, I don't have to worry about you now. Yeah, and she's just enjoying her grandchildren. Do you know what I mean? She comes over, she's coming over now. Amazing, amazing.

SPEAKER_03

So I've got one last question for you. What can we expect over the Yorkshire Dales in Everdale this Christmas?

SPEAKER_04

Oh, I don't know, man. I don't know whether I can leak any spoilers, boy. I think Charles is having a sort of a like me, like a quiet one, to be quite honest. Like, I'm not he's not really involved in any major storylines at the moment, which is I'm quite happy with that. You know what I mean? I just want the simple life, like my real life.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, no chaos. Well, listen, thank you for using your voice today.

SPEAKER_04

No worries. I'm I'm I I'm happy to sort of use a platform like this to basically show and and share the message for people that are struggling, do you know what I mean? To sit to let them know that I've been where they are, and yeah, you know, there's possibilities, do you know what I mean? Yeah, and I was happy to sort of take this on board because um to be quite honest, like I I was struggling not with my recovery, but I wasn't going to as many meetings as I as I'd like. But when this opportunity came up, it made me sort of realize, okay, I didn't get here on my own. So I've been sort of doing a lot of more online meetings of late, yeah, yeah. And sort of, you know, reconnecting and making me realise, yeah, man, this is what it's all about.

SPEAKER_03

And that's the beautiful thing about this today is that I'm last on the list.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You know, and and if I can help people, speak to people, talk to people like you, you know, who can spread this word and have as and have got a social media presence, then it will help anybody and everybody, I think.

SPEAKER_04

And I feel like when you're reminded of where you started from and the people that helped you, that keeps you humble and keeps you sort of grateful for what we've been blessed with, and that's like the message of recovery, you know. I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Anyway, listen, I'm gonna wrap this up now because I think you need to probably get ready for your mum to come around.

SPEAKER_04

No worries, it was an absolute pleasure.

RECOVERY HACKS

SPEAKER_11

Apart from graduates and celebrities, every week we bring you advice from people working in the recovery community. Game-changing tips that come from people with lived experience and the knowledge to keep people well in recovery. The recovery hacks. In recover.

MICHAEL WATERS - HANDLING ANXIETY

unknown

In recovery.

SPEAKER_14

So anxiety comes in when this constant predicting of things is all skewed and negative, and our amygdala, that little bit of the brain that triggers our stress response. And that's triggered all the time just by our thoughts of what's about to happen. So every negative prediction, conscious or unconscious, it's read as a threat by our nervous system, right? So we're in this constant state of being mobilized for action, you know, the fight or flight response, you know, you talk about it all the time, I'm sure. More often than not, the moment we're actually in is physically safe, right? We're normally all right. But our head's telling us otherwise. So if we can pull our attention to the present moment, we can begin to handle that feeling of anxiety a bit better. To me, it makes total sense that anxiety gets worse before it gets better in early recovery, because all the dread and the fear that you were able to blot out with drugs, you've now got to face it head on. I think naturally over time people become resilient because they're exposed to emotions and you kind of adapt to them, right? But drug use, even though it feels like we're coping, but it's actually a form of avoidance, isn't it? We're running away from it completely. And at the time that kind of it just weakens us to the emotions. It denies us as well the opportunity to learn the skills to deal with it, which a lot of other people who aren't using drugs, they're picking that up as they go through life. Yeah, and we're and the drugs are really holding us back, kind of stunting our emotional growth, if you like. Every time we say, I can't stand this, and I pick up. Whereas if you actually kind of weather the storm of those feelings, you've suddenly got proof that I was wrong, I could stand it.

SPEAKER_03

I still suffer anxiety today, you know, around a lot of stuff. The important thing is though, I've I've got some coping mechanisms that allow me to put myself into situations that subconsciously I know it's gonna be alright. I've kind of learnt that. You know, there's a lot of situations where I wouldn't put myself into two years ago, and today I do. One of them's doing podcasts. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_14

I'm deeply in my stress zone right here.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and you both. How important is it to bring ourselves into the present and how do we do this? That can be so helpful.

SPEAKER_14

It's it's what's at the heart of like mindfulness and meditation practices, right? That kind of being in the here and now and coexisting with our kind of thoughts, our remembering and our imagining the future and that kind of thing. But it's not just mindfulness, it's like anything that can absorb your attention and have you in the in the moment with it. Like thought, music, all of that kind of stuff that is effectively has a effect of mindfulness without being deliberately sitting down to do that. The effect that has is rather than being fused with our kind of worried automatic thoughts, we can change how we relate to those thoughts all together, consciously or unconsciously, like you said. Uh those thoughts will still arise and they'll they'll come up spontaneously. They don't need to wield so much power over us over time.

SPEAKER_03

It's interesting you talk about being in the moment and being present. You know, that's something that I've I I still find difficult today. I was taught about meditation, and I can't sit still and meditate. I'm just not that kind of person. Somebody in recovery talked to me about an ice bath. That's when I am present in that moment when I'm starting freezing cold water and I have to concentrate on my breathing. I have to be totally in tune with my body to be able to sit in that bath for so long. That has helped me and my mental health massively over the last sort of six months since I've been doing it.

SPEAKER_14

It makes sense because it builds up our distress tolerance, doesn't it? Like I do, I'm not a cold bath guy, but I'm a cold shower guy. I do that every morning, and it's I think they call it the mammalian dive response, right? Where your brain's totally going, hold on, we're gonna die. Yeah, what's going on? Yeah, and then you suit yourself automatically. Yeah, and it's that process, isn't it? You're getting better at, and then it applies to other areas of your life where you can just sit with a bit more discomfort.

YOUNG LEE - DEBUNKING THE MYTHS OF THE 12 STEPS

SPEAKER_16

Here we go!

SPEAKER_03

There's a big myth around that this program is obviously a cult and it's religious. What are your thoughts on that? Tell me it's not a cult.

SPEAKER_08

You you can totally see why people think that is. I come into this strange meeting, people are using language that I don't understand. They come up to me and have the audacity to try and hug me, but they hold hands at the end, which is very cult, and they sort of start chanting. It feels strange. The word God is used throughout um because of the origins of the 12 steps from a Christian movement. To debunk the cult thing. A cult used it as a leader, someone at the top that people worship. They often would say, Who's in charge? No one. How much does it cost? Nothing. So it's not cult. Yeah, yeah. But the probably the biggest misconception is uh that it's a religious program, it's a spiritual program. Now you might say, What's that what's the difference? Religions by their nature have certain rules, they have places of worship. You must pray this way, this is what you must believe in. If you're doing this, you'll go into this. The God that I experience is an experience. I have an experience of being awakened to the presence within me. If we went around the world today and we asked every single person in the world what a banana tastes like, no one can explain to me what a banana tastes like. They can try, it's sweet, but doesn't explain it. It's soft, doesn't explain it. The same with this three-letter word. And if you think about it, an atheist has more faith than someone who believes in God or spirit or power. Because someone who believes, they're open to mystery. Whereas an atheist is just saying, I know there can't be a God. It's a three-letter word made up by man to try and describe the undescribable. Have you ever been to Italy? Yes. Imagine you've just come back from Italy. You come back with sitting having a conversation, and obviously you're now fluent in Italian because you've been for two weeks. Ah, young, ciao bella, you've got your Ray-bans on. Oh, it's amazing, young. I loved it. The people, the sunglasses, the sun, the food, the culture. Don't like Italy. Really? Hate it. Really? What which which part have you travelled to? Never been there. Really? Well, how would you know if we if we don't like it young? Well, I've read a load of books about Italy. That would be me expressing an opinion on something that I know very little about. I've not put my feet on the ground. I've read some stuff. So we look at our old belief systems, where does that belief system come from? Because it comes from somewhere. I've had the privilege of taking hundreds of people through these 12 steps over the years. And not one, even the atheist that I've taken through, has not had a spiritual experience, which just means change and transformation sufficient to remove the drugs and alcohol problem. Yeah. You know, the 12 steps is for people that are very desperate. When they're at that point, they stop arguing about this God thing or that. I start believing that if it can work for them, it can work for me. And I'm able to lay aside all my prejudice, my old idea of what I think this God thing is or this power, and I just say, please show me what to do.

SPEAKER_03

You sit in a room of people who are all in recovery by believing in something, whatever it is, and however personal it is to them, can help them. That's enough for me, man.

CHRIS LONG - ADVICE FOR ENTERING REHAB

SPEAKER_16

Here we go.

SPEAKER_03

So you know, when um, you know, when obviously a person, client comes into treatment, they're giving a buddy, they're showing round. You know, in your experiences, what are the benefits of being in a group in in rehab as opposed to you know being out there just by yourself trying to get well?

SPEAKER_12

Okay. Well, you you know, I mentioned earlier about a power greater than uh, you know, what I believe is that, you know, if I'm sharing my recovery with another addict, that you know, two is a power greater than one, that is a higher power essentially. A group is a power greater than one. So you you know, an energy is created. When a group of recovering addicts or recovering alcoholics get together, an energy is created, I believe, uh ostensibly created through people being honest. That that energy enthuses people, uh motivates them to take further steps, and and can be extremely supporting because look, this is lived experience. If somebody comes to me and says, you know, I'm I'm a few days in, I'm extremely nervous, the obsession to use drugs is still on me. I can identify with that as an addict in recovery, and I can go, that's okay, that was how it was for me as well. Let's talk about it, let's take the power out of it. There are a spiritual set of tools here that you can use to address that obsession and you'll get through it and you'll be okay.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and and and I think one of the things that's that's been highlighted for me since working here is that obviously we're we're we're CQC outstanding, and and one of the things that came out from that was that you know, we do offer a personalised care plan to each individual who comes in. You know, can you tell me a little bit of what that looks like?

SPEAKER_12

Yes, certainly. People come into rehabilitation with all sorts of uh specific needs, issues, there may be traumas from the past that need addressing. Pretty much straight away, their counsellor will sit down with them, put together a care plan package. So, you know, we've just had recently in the last couple of days a new resident of our house, their wife has gone abroad. Uh, they want to obviously keep in touch with the wife. So the counsellor has written into their care package that they can use a mobile phone at certain times of the day to keep in touch with their wife. We're extremely flexible around that, and and of course, it's all about supporting the client, identifying goals that that client needs to work towards and hitting those targets and setting new ones. We, you know, myself included, we all need to be setting ourselves spiritual goals on a daily, weekly, yearly basis.

SIMON VERHAGE - MEN'S MENTAL HEALTH

SPEAKER_16

Here we go.

SPEAKER_03

Just a couple of things. Uh I've done a little bit of reading. There's some quite shocking sort of stats that come out. One is 75% of suicides in the UK are men.

SPEAKER_13

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

And also men are three times more likely to become alcohol dependent than women. You know, for me, I read those and I was quite staggered at the um, you know, the difference between men and women. Absolutely. I guess from your point of view, you you kind of see this on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_13

Yeah, there is an increase in the amount of men that fill just pressurized in how they're supposed to be performing in society. There's so many different things of you're supposed to be like this, you're supposed to be earning that amount. There's so much pressure on us. And this is the whole point about the men's mind case that there is an element to be able to release and an element to be able to open up to the feelings that are going on within you. Essentially, that's what I tend to find myself. I had nowhere to go, I had nowhere that I could personally go to myself about the feelings, the anxiety and the depression that was building up within me. And I came to a stage where I was feeling extremely suicidal myself. I was taking overdoses of paracetamol and itoprofen, and I absolutely hated it. Part of the men's mind cave, I'd look at also the spiritual aspect of a man. It's not just who we are on the outside, it's not the physical body, it's everything to do with the mind, body, and soul. It's all interconnected with each other, and we can neglect the soul of what the soul needs. Okay, in simple terms, it can be the subconscious part of our minds where everything is stored from childhood. And we're going right, okay, why on earth are we getting these feelings? Why on earth am I feeling this way?

SPEAKER_03

I think what's it I think what's interesting and what you say there, you know, I I came in here as a patient having done similar things to you. I've tried to commit suicide. I was struggling to live with me. There was some trauma when I was growing up, and I picked up cocaine and I picked up alcohol. And what that did for me was block all that out. Then you arrive in a room, I guess, like Man Cave Online, where you've got the opportunity to speak openly with people who understand you. And I guess that's a really good platform for men to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_13

Absolutely. I went on the spiritual route. I went went to a spiritualist church, it resonated with me. Something felt right for me at that moment in time because I was actually able to connect with the soul part of me that I think most men are scared of. They think, oh, it's all woo-woo. We don't really want to be doing this at all. Why would we want to do something that a whole load of women are doing over there? You know, we can look at them and go, hold on a minute, but then they're doing extremely well. Why is that? It's because they're talking openly with each other, but for us as men, it's completely the opposite. We sort of like shut down from that because otherwise we feel embarrassed.

SPEAKER_11

We want to thank you all for supporting us with season one of In Recovery. We will be back very soon with a brand new series. New graduates, my professionals, and loads more celebrities. If you have a loved one or suffering with addiction issues, then please know you are not alone. Reach out to us at Matt House Rehab Today. All of the contact details are in the episode description. Stay safe, stay connected, and we will see you very soon.