IN RECOVERY - The Ark House Podcast - S2 EP 4 - Feat JIMMY CONSTABLE (911)

IN RECOVERY - THE ARK HOUSE PODCAST is thrilled to be named one of the Best Podcasts by The Sunday Times (on Sunday 21st June 2026) and is riding high in the charts, as we continue our second season.  We are so grateful to everyone for their support. If you are listening on Apple - we would love you to leave us a review.

IN RECOVERY is a companion guide for those on their addiction recovery journey. We also want to offer advice and support for those still suffering and offer solutions for those who just want to know more. This is a well-being podcast produced and presented by people with lived experience who want to carry the message of recovery.

Every episode we speak to someone in the spotlight who shares their struggles with addiction. This week a member of 90's boy band 911 who sold more than 16 million records worldwide. JIMMY CONSTABLE spiralled when the band split, using drink and drugs to try and cover his emotions. He opens up about his recovery journey. 

Former resident of Ark House SAM speaks honestly about his battle with Cannabis and Ketamine. He is celebrating being over 5 years clean and sober and gives his story of faith, hope and courage in the hope it can help people listening. 

We are also joined by the founder of Sober Butterfly, HANNAH TAYLOR who has dedicated so much time and energy into helping people in sobriety find new activities and friends. Sober Butterfly was born in the Great Pause of 2020 and was developed to promote the positives to enjoying a sober lifestyle, by revitalising your mental health and wellbeing whilst maintaining a glittering social life – They are reinventing the definition of sober and showing how you can live life to the fullest and most colourful without alcohol.

This podcast shares real conversations, lived experience and honest stories of hope and transformation within the recovery community. From personal journeys to professional insights into addiction and treatment, IN RECOVERY gives a powerful voice to those walking the path of change. 

Join our recovery conversation..

CONTACT SOBER BUTTERFLY 

https://soberbutterfly.com/about

If you or a loved one need help from addiction, please know there is help. Reach out and speak to Ark House today....

PHONE 01723 371869

EMAIL info@arkhouserehab.co.uk

ADDRESS 15 Valley Road, Scarborough, Y011 2LY

WEBSITE www.arkhouserehab.co.uk

FACEBOOK  @arkhouserehabltd

INSTAGRAM @in_recovery_podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Welcome to season two of the Arthouse podcast in the Coverway, a companion cast for those in the coverway from the video. For anyone who is just wanting to hear more about the journeys and the science behind the coverage We speak to the cover professionals and get inspirational stories from some of the students of Arthouse. This week we speak to Samuel.

SPEAKER_05 0:34

We also have some of the country's biggest channels joining us to talk about life in one of the country's biggest life, as well as displacement related to the night. Welcome to In Recovery. Every episode we speak to a celebrity in the spotlight who has battled with addiction and is kind of giving up their time to help others. My guest today is part of the 90s boy band 911, who from 1995 to 1999 achieved 10 successive top 10 singles. In fact, they sold a staggering 10 million singles and 6 million albums worldwide. But at the height of their fame, he was battling addiction to drink and drugs, which got worse when the band split in 2000. Today he's in recovery and wants to use his voice to highlight the pressure that faced pop stars and the need for better support in the music industry. It's a pleasure to welcome Jimmy Constable to In Recovery.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Hey, how are you? You alright?

SPEAKER_05 1:45

Yeah, good, thank you. So if I can just go back to the start of the 90s, is there anything that could have prepared you for, you know, the stardom that happened so quickly?

SPEAKER_02 1:54

I mean, I do I look at some of these bands now that kind of get it, you know, literally overnight, whether it's it through TV, whether it's X Factor, whatever. We were slightly different in the way that for anybody that's old enough to remember myself and Spike, one of the other guys, was we we were dancers on a TV show called Hit Man and Hair. So we'd kind of we'd started out where I suppose the adoration and having those people kind of looking up to you on stage started early for us. And it and it built it built slowly, which kind of helped it, I think. As much as the success of the band, once we'd signed our record deal, became a quick succession of singles and huge fan base and all the rest of it. But I don't think because we we didn't have it overnight straight away all in one go. It was like I think we were just lucky that we we put all the hard work in and built it all up. But even when you get to the point where it's you know the success comes, is like you say, I don't think anybody can prepare you for it because going from you know being a dancer on a TV show was was great. But I also had a you know a part-time job uh as a lifeguard to then obviously a couple years later when you see everything is thrown at you, and you know, you you don't want for anything, you don't ask for anything, you got it all automatically. So it's a huge shift in people's lives. I'm sure people see the stories now, you know, and and a lot of it comes down to why I think personally is why people go into drinking drugs is because there's a lot of pressure put on you that people don't see, they just see you as the you know, the person that's on the pedestal, the posters on the wall, the pick, you know, people on top of the pop. So it's definitely a huge change of life and a change of lifestyle that you have to adapt to quite quickly. The record company at the end of the day, you are you are a pawn for them, you're making their money. The pressure is always there, and yes, you know, the the answer is it was a huge, huge change to to what I was actually doing in my life.

SPEAKER_05 3:34

You know, it soon became that you were you were confined to hotel rooms, you were sat in those for your own safety and also to keep you out of the public eye and what have you. And you know, I I guess that led to that party for one.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Yeah, I mean, you know, we were obviously the you know, it was always hard work. You never really for anybody, if if anybody saw, you know, your schedule of what it was like for us, and also for many other bands, you know, we we we see a lot of the bands that we've known for 30 years, and it's exactly the same. The routine is you get a job sheet under your hotel door, and you're right, you don't go out because A, the fans are all in the all in the in the lobby in the hotel, even if you wanted to go to the bar and get a drink, you'd just be hassled anyway, which you know I'm not being negative about. That's part of your job, that's what you do. But you're right, suddenly there's it's a case of well, what do I do? Do I just sit in this room? It's the it's the confinement in the hotel and the and the workload, I guess, that leads to people you know going down this road. And as we all know, there's there's many of them, you know, and you can speak to many people in the music business, and it seems to be that that's the way forward, you know, that's that's how people handle it. You want to wake up fresh in the morning and go and do, I don't know, Smash Hits magazine photo shoots or whatever it is we were doing, you know, and you also want to look great because you you're still young, but you still want to look young, fresh, and you know, don't want to look like you've been on the on the beard all night. So, yeah, I mean, on one hand, that you know, I'm immensely grateful for the life that it's given us, but at the same time, it is a it's a dark period. You've got to be able to have your wits about you and and have a personality that can handle it.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

Yeah, it's interesting you talk about the the pop industry. You know, we interviewed Kavanaugh, who's a solo artist, and obviously he spent time touring around by himself. You know, you were with other band members. Do you think that helped you and and sort of kept you away from really destroying yourself at that time when you were in the band?

SPEAKER_02 5:20

I suppose the early days it definitely helped us because obviously we were we we'd kind of formed this bond that we were we were actually, I mean, myself and Spike were really good mates before the band, anyway, even when we when Lee joined us, you know, we'd spent a good year and a half, no record label, having to lug gear in and out of a van into the schools to do you know your show and then move to the next one. Exactly, like to take that documentary, that's exact exactly how we did it. So I think in the early days it certainly helped having the other two lads there, and you know, we were we were together, we were enjoying it, and if we if we were celebrating, we would celebrate together. Fast forward four or five years later, when we were coming towards the end, the reason you kind of don't kind of spend time is them because then you're just sick of them because you just spend 24 hours a day, every day for the past five years. So that's when it kicks in to be even though you're in a band, you do end up with the solo drinker. And bless Kavanaugh, you know, Kavanaugh was on our label, we've we've known him from day one, and we've seen him through his rough period as well. All you can do is kind of be an arm around him and and and you know try and give him the helps he needs. But the great thing about Kavanaugh, you know, like myself, is he he's quite open to talk about it because there is still a lot of people in the music business that are going through it, but they'll always put a front on because whether it's to do with pride, whether it's to do with they don't want people seeing the person they look up to is down in a bottle of vodka when he gets home in in the evening. But thankfully Kavanaugh's obviously on a on a on a good path now and he's doing really well. So um, yeah, I'm pleased for him.

SPEAKER_05 6:40

Many pop stars who who we've come across, you know, seem to suffer from substance problems and drinking drugs. And I and I guess one of the reasons behind that, I presume it was readily available to you within the pop industry.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we we never really got to go to many events just because of our schedule. The very few times that we got to go to events, for example, uh there's a place called the Groucho Club. And I remember, you know, bumping into Robbie, he'd left take that. He was obviously going through his substance stuff, you know, and it was readily available, you know, for me and for Rob. It's just one of those things where if you want it, you've literally got to give somebody somebody the nod and it's there for you. You know, the people that are at your side probably don't want to say no because they're you know they're trying to do their job, whether they've been sent there by the rec company or it's security that are they're looking after you. But you're right, it is readily available whenever you whenever you want it.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

So you know, the but obviously the band split in 2000, it was announced on Radio One. You know, just talk me through what was that what was that like for you?

SPEAKER_02 7:35

I think the worst part about it for me was we were out we were actually in Asia. We we we we'd been out there for five months, we were solid touring out there. What made it worse for me is the the decision was taken away from me because it was basically the other two lads just kind of sat down and they decided that that they wanted to you know split the band. Uh and what made it worse, it was like, well, we're we're announcing on Chris Moyles, and by the way, can you say it? So I was like, oh okay. But yeah, it was it was heartbreaking for me. It's not that I didn't have any drive to what I was gonna do next. I just at that point didn't know what I was gonna do. I didn't have any barriers then to go up against because previously, you know, you go right, well, I've got to go to work tomorrow, I've got to do this. When the band split and my spiral started, I had nobody telling me what I was gonna do. So that for me was was kind of a bit of a um a downfall from then on. The persona then becomes like, Well, is he just gonna be uh a kind of nobody now who you know doesn't want to do anything now? He just becomes, you know, we're gonna just see him in the gutter now. You know, you if you haven't got anything lined up straight after, people are going, Well, what's happened to him? You know, he's falling on hard times quickly, and he it wasn't a great feeling.

SPEAKER_05 8:38

You know, at some stages in your in your drinking, you were drinking between 10 and 12 bottles of wine a day.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

The simplest way I can I can I can do it is when people like go to the shop and buy a bottle of wine, two bottles of wine maybe. I used to go to the wholesalers, yeah, yeah. There's like 12 bottles or whatever, you know what it is. And you know, you know what's like some days you you might do four bottles, some days you might do it. Just became a bit of a blur, I guess. You when you when you just the way I was doing it, I was trying to drink to numb the pain.

SPEAKER_05 9:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Then you get to the point where you go, I'm not I'm not getting drunk anymore, it's not doing anything anymore.

SPEAKER_05 9:12

Looking back now, I used to drink differently to everybody else. I didn't drink because I was enjoying it, I was drinking it because I had to drink it. You know, I had to try and numb the pain, stop my head from spinning around, all those kind of things. And then somebody introduced me to cocaine. You know, you say you're the you you you you went to drugs. I mean, what did that look like to you?

SPEAKER_02 9:32

I mean, you know, the with the way you just described it was was the same for me. Because I I went through this stage where I was like, maybe it's to do with, like we said before, when people are still recognizing you. You take a bottle of water out, but it's got vodka in rather than water. Because you're trying to be that person that is like they're expecting you to be like live wire. Oh, it's great to see you. But half of it is because obviously you're drunk. And then, like you say, you got to the stage where it just wasn't numbing it, and that's with that's when I I kind of went into the town centre and and I and I would track down who I needed to track down basically for the cocaine and stuff like that. So, and like you say, it's for it's for that extra hit that the the alcohol wasn't giving you. But like, you know, yeah, I'm just thankful that I didn't go down the heavy, heavy road with it. I kind of managed to get myself away for away from it, but also with the alcohol as well.

SPEAKER_05 10:17

You know, you talk about that dishonesty, didn't you? You know, hiding everything from people, you know, probably dying inside. You know, I think my my soul had left me. You know, my solution at that point was get a load of tablets, take all these tablets and and just end it.

SPEAKER_02 10:33

And and the same thing, I was literally sat and sat on the bed and just thought, the people that you know used to be there don't pick the phone up anymore. A because they're not they're not getting paid anymore, or B, you know, you're not really a celebrity anymore, so it's like, well, they don't really need to speak to you, or you know what I mean? It's not it doesn't look good for them. I had that in my head as well as everything else going on, thinking, well, I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. It's definitely the rock bottom. I was l I was there with these tablets and just thought. And the only thing that saving grace for me was the the thought of leaving my family. They don't deserve that.

SPEAKER_05 11:06

At that time it was, you know, I had to admit that I was I was a drug addict. What was your what was your starting recovery like?

SPEAKER_02 11:13

The only way forward is is accepting that you have a problem and you need to deal with it. I think it was finally admitting that I needed to just admit the fact that yes, I have a drug problem. You know, I remember the first time I went to therapy and uh it was just the most insane feeling afterwards. It's like you're floating home, they hit those click buttons so they know what to say, and then they sit back and say nothing. Those those triggers that happened, and then you end up just blurting everything about out about your you know your childhood and your traumas you've been through in your life and blah blah, and then you know, accepting the fact that you you you've made a mistake, you you have traumas that you've been through, accept it, move on, let the therapist work with you and all the rest of it. So I'm so thankful that I eventually let yourself admitted that you you know you you you have a problem.

SPEAKER_05 11:59

You know, that's the beauty of therapy, I think. It gives you that freedom that I've always looked for.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

I wanted to do it not just for myself, I wanted to be a better father and a better husband because I just felt as though and when I admitted that I was I was very bitter against the world and just thought, why are they doing that? You know, why aren't I doing it? And and I and you know, I don't want it to sound cliche, but I whether it's a result from the therapy, I don't know, is just be be nicer to people. Just open up to your own faults and realise that you're not perfect. If you're up if you're up the ladder, give somebody a hand up. You know, you'll get it back in other ways with before you'll know it. But yeah, there's a lot of things that that come from recovery acceptance, and also I'm just thankful that I've got the opportunity to still be here and pass my wisdom on to my kids and and hopefully that they don't go down the road that I went. Like you said, there's giving back.

SPEAKER_05 12:49

You know, I I was given a program free of charge, 12 steps, and then the last step is you know, go give back to somebody. But I'm very thankful and I got the opportunity to do it. So bringing it right up today, then when you talk about going back to your normal job, you know, 911 have reformed. What does this year look like for you?

SPEAKER_02 13:07

We've got our usual um summer stuff, which you know, all the festivals happen every weekend. Uh, we've got an Asia tour, I think, is gonna happen in August, and then obviously our our theatre tour starts the middle of September, running into November.

SPEAKER_05 13:21

So if you if you look at what you know, there's a new band on the horizon, they're just about to launch, you know, what advice would you give to them?

SPEAKER_02 13:29

I think the big difference now is that you've got bands that are basically formed off the back of TV. A, they've got to learn to get on with everybody else, that's tough of itself. Secondly, you know, certainly if they're young lads realizing that, you know, yes, it's an absolutely amazing experience to have, but they're gonna make no money because even when you look at from a record point of view, is the record that takes 80% of every sale, you get 20%, but out of that 20%, you have to pay back the million quid that they just spent to promote promote your album. Oh my god, you went we went we were three. All I would say is just go in with your eyes open because this this at the end of the day is a business, nobody's doing you a favour, people want to make money off you, that's what it's about. You are gonna be basically flogged in this business to make their money, just be prepared for that and be prepared that you might not make any money out of it. Just if you want to just enjoy the ride, then great, but just keep your eyes open.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

And then final question: what does recovery look like for you today?

SPEAKER_02 14:24

I think because of the therapy and the way I've kind of looked at things are gone. Yes, it's I'm not perfect, but I've I've done my best and I have my wife and kids. That that's my kind of like, I suppose when you have that picture on the wall, which is your goal, that's that's them. They need to know that I'm okay as a dad, okay as a husband, and I'll give them all the love and support they need. And for me, I'm not gonna jeopardize that by going down the road I used to go down, but I am determined going forward that I will be the best person I can be.

SPEAKER_05 14:58

Today it's um you know, it's my wife and my kids, you know, that they're my priority. I when I came out of rehab, it was, you know, I sat down with my five boys and said, Look, I won't miss another event in your life. You know, I'm gonna be at the side of the cricket ground, rugby ground, football ground, I'm gonna be there to see your grandchildren, my grandchildren. And I'll answer the phone when you ring.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

And that's all they want, isn't it? They want they just want you, they don't want the they don't want the special big things, they just want dad to be there.

SPEAKER_05 15:26

Just like to say, you know, it's been inspiring to speak to you, and I wish you all the best in your recovery and also all the best in your plans for this year with music.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Thank you very much, and well done to yourself. Thank you. At least you admitted it and you got through it, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Every episode we speak to a former resident of our house. Someone who's walked through the doors of the treatment centre, broken, and has gone on to turn their life around. Today, someone who is in his fifth year of being clean and sober. It is a pleasure to welcome this week's recovery graduate Sam. How are you doing today, Sam?

SPEAKER_04 16:19

Yeah, really good, thank you, Sam. It's uh it's good to be back in Scarborough.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

Are you ready for our quick fire questions?

SPEAKER_04 16:24

Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

Age.

SPEAKER_04 16:26

32.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Where are you from?

SPEAKER_04 16:28

Hull.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

What brought you to our house?

SPEAKER_04 16:30

Ooh, good question. How long are you got? Uh I was completely broken and needed a new uh life and a new design for living.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

How long were you struggling with addiction?

SPEAKER_04 16:40

I was in and out of addiction for 10 years from the age of about 17 up until 27.

SPEAKER_03 16:45

Coming clean time?

SPEAKER_04 16:47

Uh it'll be five years in September, 7th of September.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

Congratulations. So let's start with that clean time. Into your fifth year of being clean and sober, did you ever imagine that would happen?

SPEAKER_04 16:59

Going from a place where I couldn't imagine a day without using some kind of mind-altering substance to now, it's just it blows my mind. I I have to pinch myself a lot, you know, because I was just walking back from the sea then, you know, and I'm I'm able to appreciate life today. I'm able to see the beauty in the flowers and the sun in the sky and the blue skies and all that stuff. And I I was just so I I just didn't have any awareness of that stuff before because I was so obsessed over having a substance inside me. You know, I needed that substance to to make me feel just okay. And it's it's sad, really, that that was the way my way of life for such a long period of time.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

So let's go back in time. When do you think addiction started for you?

SPEAKER_04 17:39

Addiction really started for me when I was probably about 10 or 11. Uh, my first addictions were pornography, gaming, and food. I have vivid memories of going to my grandparents in the summer holidays. I would walk through my granddad's door, before I'd even said hello, I would go to his cupboard, grab the biscuit tin, and I'd sit in front of the TV and I'd just eat biscuit after biscuit after biscuit. You know, the thought of just being sat doing nothing, it was just it was it was it was terrifying. So I'd say they were my first kind of three signs that something, when I reflect back now, they were like the three things that really stand out.

SPEAKER_03 18:12

Can you look back in time and see where things started to spiral out of control?

SPEAKER_04 18:16

Yeah, I mean, I I'd already started smoking cannabis and I I was I thought I was living the high life, you know, sitting in my mate's shed in his garden in Hull. I then went off to university and you know, I'm in an environment where it was socially acceptable to use use party drugs. So then I was introduced to ecstasy and ketamine and cocaine and all this other stuff, but it really started to become a problem in in the pandemic for me. I was isolated more and more, and all the aspects of community and going to work and that all these other things that I had in my life were just just became lesser, and that created more time for me to to do what I I knew would make me feel okay, and that was to use more substances.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

So you mentioned taking a lot of different substances. Was there a point where like one substance just became your main your main drug of choice?

SPEAKER_04 18:59

Yeah, so I mean for me the the cannabis was always there. I needed it to go to sleep, I needed it to eat, I needed it to relax, but then when that wasn't available, I then used ketamine, and uh those two interchangeably became the crux of and the foundation of of me being able to go out into the world and to survive. Yeah, spiraled into somebody that I I look back at now and I think, God, you know, how how did it how did it get to that?

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Ketamine really does have so many health consequences. Just tell us about what life was like health-wise.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

I would be curled up in a ball on my bed in agony, saying, I am not gonna do this again. And within a split second, my mind had told me that ketamine was an anaesthetic and that actually to take away the pain, I'll go and have some more. I was taking hot baths to try and remediate the pain. I was taking apple cider vinegar. I was basically trying to do everything in my power to find a way that I could continue using this drug and not cause harm to my body as if as if that was possible. It was just uh it was just I was just going round in circles, you know, it was it was tiring.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

Yeah, I relate to that, you know, the insanity of the thing that's killing you off, you know, and you know, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, you know, wrecking my life. You know, that then because of the drinking drugs, you know, it was my solution to go do it again. It was just there was I didn't see no way out until like, you know, somebody carried the message to me.

SPEAKER_04 20:19

You know, the harm that I caused to people, the sleepless nights my parents had, the amount of time that they had to invest just looking after me, even though I'm an adult, 27 at the end, and they're having to treat me like a little child, like a baby, because I was in it unable to look after myself. And now, thankfully, I've I've been able to put the drugs down and build a little life for myself, you know, being able to buy a house and you know, have my car and just the little things that allow me to go about life, the things that I wanted as a kid that I dreamed of having, I'm now able to have, you know, and um that was none of that was an option before.

SPEAKER_03 20:53

So, what was the hardest thing about admitting you had a serious problem?

SPEAKER_04 20:56

Damaging my pride and ego, that was the oh honestly, you know, I was quite I was quite successful in my career. I'd managed life up until the age of 27. I couldn't shake the idea that I was an addict. My idea of an addict was somebody on the streets with laid on some cardboard, that was my idea of a of an addict. You know, I didn't know that somebody that had a job and you know paid their taxes and this, that, and the other could be an addict. But so surrendering to that, that was a hard pill to swallow. And it was only when I came into treatment that you know somebody really made it clear to me that I did have a problem. And they said, wait a minute, Sam, where are you? I said, I'm in a treatment centre. And they said, All right, and who paid for it? I said, Oh, my dad. So and they said, And how old are you? I said, 27. And you're telling me that your life ain't unmanageable. And I went, Ah. You know, it was one of them penny drop moments. I'm getting goosebumps, just sat thinking about it because I remember that moment so clearly, you know, that delusion that I had was finally smashed, you know, and I could start to accept and be open minded to the fact. That I did have a problem. So I yeah, I had to really let that pride and ego down and just you know come into this with an open mind.

SPEAKER_03 22:07

All of our rock bottoms are different. Did you have a rock bottom moment that made you find recovery?

SPEAKER_04 22:12

Yeah, there's a there's a a memory that I have quite vividly. It was a Thursday afternoon. I'd been and picked up some more ketamine and um my dad had an illness, bless him, he's he's since passed away. But he had an illness, and whilst he was asleep in his bedroom, I'd um I'd I'd you see that as an opportunity to use drugs. And um he was asleep one afternoon and I went into the garden and uh started using. I was just staring out into space, I was completely out of it. I had white powder all up my sleeves, I was wiping my nerves all over my clothes, I just looked a mess. I'd not realised at the time and my dad came down and he he looked at me and he said, He said, Sam, what are you doing? And I I I for the first time I said to him, I don't know. And um, yeah, that was kind of a rock bottom moment that I remember, innit? I remember arriving here just thinking, wow, what am I doing? How has it come to this? You know, and it was funny because uh 24 hours before my parents uh had said to me, Um, uh, we think it's time that you go into a rehab. Eventually they got me here. But yeah, it was um the thought of having like no phone and not communicating with friends, it was just about to be the start of summer after COVID. I thought this was the time when I was supposed to have it. This was the time when we were supposed to be doing it, going out and parties, everything was going to open back up. Yeah, there I was on Valley Road walking up the stairs of uh of Ark House. Thankfully, today I can be grateful for that. I certainly wasn't grateful for that at the time, I tell you.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

Um, does anything stand out from the rehab process that really helped change your mindset?

SPEAKER_04 23:49

The thing that really helped me was actually seeing other people all in a similar situation, kind of that shared problem made it easier for me to then, you know, then move into the shared solution through the through the fellowship.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

What was the transition period like of not using ketamine?

SPEAKER_04 24:07

Well, I think for me the the harder bit was the was the cannabis and the fact that that helps me go to sleep, you know, and and then I really needed that. When I was in here, I did not sleep for the first six weeks properly. My mind was just racing as my body went through this kind of detox period. Yeah, it was the transition was it was quite difficult. You know, I started to get very depressed and confused and all this kind of stuff, but you know, I was in a safe space where I I I could explore and and feel all that stuff and knew that I was safe and protected. You know, my parents knew I was safe and protected for the first time in a long time. They were able to sleep at night because they knew I was in here. You know, it's it's it's not going to be easy for anybody, it's it's not meant to be easy. But the point is there is a way out. Just think, you know, I came in here for three months. God willing, I'll live up until I'm, you know, 80. Three months out of that time period is not a big price to pay for a new way of life and a new way of looking at the world, you know, it really isn't.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

As we know, leaving rehab is another huge milestone in the journey of recovery. How was it for you?

SPEAKER_04 25:11

It wasn't all plain sailing for me. I was told to leave here and to find a sponsor and to go to meetings and to stay honest about what was happening and in my uh complicated mind, and I didn't stick to that. And after a few weeks I found myself picking back up. However, thankfully, through having experienced these brief moments of stillness, of peace, of being able to sleep and to laugh and jerk and eat without using that substance. And so I took myself back to meetings. I was really grateful that there was a really good friend of mine there. I said to him, I said, Look, I'm really struggling. And he said, Well, well, how can I help? And I said, Well, I'm the first thing when I wake up, I said, It's on me. I said, I'm I just need a drink, I need something. And he said, Well, what time do you wake up? And I said, About seven o'clock. And he said, Right, well, I'll ring you at seven o'clock for the next two weeks. And he did. You know, that really helped me get back into a routine of recovery. I was in survival mode just to get through the day, and now I'm I'm I'm hopeful and I'm you know excited about what the the the rest of my life has to offer. It's not always easy, but it's easier than living that life. And I've got a set of tools and set of people around me today that support me through whatever challenge that that faces me, you know. Yeah, I lost my dad a year ago tomorrow, and and the reason that I'm sat here today is because I know that as I go through this stuff, you know, I need to I need to throw myself into it. When stuff got hard before, what did I do? I used more drugs. So stuff's getting hard now because I've lost my dad nearly a year ago. I'm in this reflective state and you know I'm I'm scattering his ashes tomorrow. And you know, what I'm what am I doing? I'm I'm coming and I'm throwing myself into some more recovery. I'm coming back to this spiritual place of Scarborough because I know it makes me feel good and I and I know that I can give back to others, and you know, that's just that's just how I try and live my life today. You know, I don't always get it right. I really don't, but I uh I certainly try and thankfully people uh point out my bullshit from time to time.

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Get into the present, what does your recovery look like now?

SPEAKER_04 27:02

You know, I've got my family around me today that rather than them looking at me as being a uh a burden on them, they come to me and ask for help sometimes and lean in on me, and I can see the change that that's had. You know, addiction's a funny thing, right? It will just it will take everything away from you, but recovery's done the opposite of that and it's brought everything closer to me. But the biggest thing that I get to experience through all of this is just the the peace of mind. You know, as I said earlier, I was I was able to walk up from the seeing the sea and and just appreciate all the beauty that there is. And you know, that I was I was born with the same set of eyes that I'm sat here today with, right? However, the spirit and the soul behind these eyes has changed. It just everything looks different to me now. The world just looks different to me. I'm uh I'm grateful for the people that have gone before me, that the the people that have shown me uh a new way to live, you know, the the people that have took the time to you know write the literature around the 12 steps and you know all of this stuff and um that have given the time to me. You know, I'm I'm so grateful. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 28:04

Right, are you ready for the final quick five questions?

SPEAKER_04 28:06

I don't know if I like these. Go on.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

Meditation or sports?

SPEAKER_04 28:09

Meditation.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

Step four or step nine?

SPEAKER_04 28:12

I got more freedom from the amends process, personally, than I did in the four and five process.

SPEAKER_03 28:19

A hobby you have started or dream of trying in recovery?

SPEAKER_04 28:22

I suppose reading. I never really read before. I couldn't have the attention span for it, but I'm really enjoying it at the minute. We've even got a Kindle, I love it.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

One thing that you were proud of recently?

SPEAKER_04 28:33

One thing I'm proud of recently, it was my birthday on the 28th of March, and I I got a card off my brother, and it said inside it to Sam, happy birthday. So proud of you. And um I'd never really heard him say anything like that, you know. Uh that he was proud of me. And to read that and to see that, that's probably something that's quite recent that just um yeah, it brings a smile to my face. So I was really grateful for that.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

If you could name someone who has been a huge inspiration to you, who would it be?

SPEAKER_04 29:04

Well, I couldn't sit here without saying Mr. Richard Chapman, could I? Oh am I allowed to do that?

SPEAKER_03 29:12

One thing you were grateful for today?

SPEAKER_04 29:14

The sunshine. Um, so I'm really grateful for that. I'm grateful for the card journey that I had up, grateful for the sauna and steam room that I was able to have this morning. I'm grateful for the my partner and the love that we got to exchange with each other and and the cuddle we got to have before I left the house this morning, you know. Yeah, lots of things.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

And finally, if you could give a younger Sam some advice, what would it be?

SPEAKER_04 29:36

The advice I would tell younger Sam would be you don't need to pretend like you know everything. It's alright to be wrong, it's alright to listen to other people's perspectives, it's alright that other people can be right, and you can be wrong. So let go of that idea that you are right about everything and open your mind up, man. That's probably what I'd say.

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Thank you all so much for joining us and keep on doing the next right thing.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

Thanks for having me, Sam.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 30:40

She wanted to help combat social isolation and raise awareness of social anxiety through empowering people to make authentic connections without alcohol. It's my pleasure to welcome Hannah Taylor, the founder of Sober Butterflies, to the podcast. Hello Hannah, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Hello, I'm good, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 30:56

So just tell me about your transition to be a sober butterfly.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Oh gosh, so well, it started back in 2019. Background to me, I used to work in hospitality. I had done since I was 14. So alcohol was a very big part of my life every single day. And then yeah, I left the industry. I had a very boozy sort of year after that because I'd never really been able to go to a lot of social things because I worked on weekends and evenings, and I just kind of got to this point where I realized I was very, very unhappy. I didn't define it as depression or anything like that, but yeah, and I kind of decided to do sober October, basically, have a bit of a break from alcohol, and it was during that time that I kind of realized I want didn't want my social life to change as such, but I knew something had to change, and that was my relationship with alcohol, really. And I went on a bit of a mission to try and find people that you know wanted the same, really friends that would want to socialise without alcohol, and so a butterfly was born out of that, which was very, very organic. You know, it's that there's a WhatsApp group, it became an Instagram page. Um, we hosted a meetup in Harrogate in 2021, and people travelled from all over the country, like they literally fluttered in. Um, and it made me realise that there was, you know, there were so many people out there that wanted that sort of authentic connection. Um, yeah, I couldn't have ever imagined that then that would grow into what it is today, which is a national community of people all over the country. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:28

I think the thing that interests me is, and and one of the reasons that you're here today was, you know, it's about being able to live and not have a drink. You know, I I work in a treatment centre and and a lot of people have turned around to me and say, Well, I how do you manage then? How am I gonna live without being in those social settings? And for somebody like yourself to set up this thing, you know, where whereabouts, you know, you talk about your flutters across the country and what have you. Where did what do they look like?

SPEAKER_01 32:54

So once I had this first like meetup, you know, and people had travelled around and it was very casual, I realised quite quickly like, how do we expand this? How does that person that lives in Essex who drove all the way up here, or the person that came down from Newcastle, get this social connection in their local area? So we started it with a coffee morning. Obviously, coming from a hospitality background myself, I wanted to support local independents, especially off the back of COVID, who were really struggling and kind of have it as a setting that felt like you were just meeting some friends for a coffee. There's no structure of the coffee morning, so we call them curious coffee catch-ups, um, so that you can be wherever you are at on your journey with alcohol, sober curious in recovery. Actually, some people come along who've never drank as well, but they've definitely felt the social isolation of being in Britain and our culture here. So then people start to find those connections and make links of similar interests, and that's really where sober butterfly's grown from. So, you know, oh, I'd really love to go watch this at the theatre. All right, let's go. You know, I really want to try wild swimming, and lots of people do that, or like walking, or so it's I guess the model of sober butterfly is is being very peer-led, very community-led. The only thing that we do officially is the coffee catch-ups, which is once a month on the second Saturday, at the same time, the same day, all across the country, so that people feel connected. If there's two people meeting in Scarborough or there's 20 people meeting in Leeds and 10 in Manchester, they all feel part of something bigger. But then they start to make their individual connections and figure out, I guess, like it's a lot of self-discovery as well. Like, I didn't really know who I was under the surface of being this, you know, part of girl that loved to go out. I I grew up dancing, so that was my hobby when I was growing up, so then it just naturally just fed into nightclubs, you know. Um, so beyond that, I didn't really know, and I kind of use sober buttons like as my way of being able to go out. I really want to try a yoga class. But I was too anxious to even walk into a yoga studio before I got sober. Building a sober social circle allows you over time to then build that confidence.

SPEAKER_05 35:13

I think what's interesting as well, what you said there about meeting up for coffees and what have you. There's a lot on Instagram and a lot on social medias around now where you you you you're dropping into a coffee shop. There's one in Leeds, I think. I think it opens at half six, seven o'clock in the morning and they have a rave.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Yes, yeah, I'm going to one next Friday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:32

I mean, I I just I watched that and I just think because it's like people of my sort of age that are there, yeah and it's like it looks mint.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Yeah, yeah. And I love coffee, yeah, exactly. And I think you know what a great way to start your day. Like if you like that sort of music, going and raving on the morning and then going to work, what a buzz. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_05 35:52

Right. So I've read on the I've read on your your website that you have flutters across the country and also butterfly buddies. Can you explain a little bit more about them?

SPEAKER_01 36:02

Yeah, sure. So flutters are are groups. Um, so rather than saying oh, we've got a group in Leeds and we've got a group in blah blah blah, we say we've got flutters, and then I think it's also like a bit part of like the ownership of the people that are part of that group, like they say, like, oh yeah, I'm part of the Leeds Flutter, or I'm part of the Bradford Flutter. Um, and it's just a really nice sort of you know terminology, really. Um again, same with the butterfly buddies. So there are volunteers, so again, just rather than using the word volunteer, we tend to say butterfly buddies, and that actually came out of there was a real like connection in the group as a whole, but we kind of wanted to extend that into sort of like having a bit more one-to-one support, so we buddied people up and they kind of became very good friends out of it. And you know, some of the people I was buddied with because we kind of rotated after a little while. Um, I've been to somebody's wedding, you know, that was one of my buddies right in the early days. Um still very good friends with the people that I was buddied up with because we made those like really solid um connections. So yeah, that's just continued really as our name for uh for the volunteers.

SPEAKER_05 37:10

So tell me more about Flutterfest, which is coming up soon.

SPEAKER_01 37:14

Yeah, so so Flutterfest is something we've kind of had on our like vision board for quite a while. So it's going to become like an annual event. It sort of started as a retreat last year, so we kind of tested the waters and it's just looking to expand that and hopefully over the years, you know, become sort of bigger and bigger in a way for yeah, just for people to meet across across the country, really, because a lot of them are connected in our WhatsApp network, we've got a really big WhatsApp community, and or they'll see each other on Zoom, we have certain things where we have Zoom calls for, but like somebody in London might never meet somebody in Glasgow, for example. So kind of giving them a reason to kind of all come together and like put the faces to the names in person, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:56

So, what's the dream of a sober button like?

SPEAKER_01 37:58

I mean, I'll be honest, I've never really had a plan with it as such, because for me it was it started from me just looking for friends myself, you know, from my own sober social connections, and it's been a very organic growth. I've never been about like let's go viral, you know, let's kind of like really build this to be huge. But I just want to help people find friends, and that's still very much the mission. Like, I found some very good car friends in day one, and I just wish that more people can find that. So I would imagine it's just more just having more coffee mornings around the country, and then because of what we do and how successful it is, um we've kind of linked in with other organisations now of how can we support people who are maybe coming out of recovery to help that sort of like you know, that sustainable social life, but maybe that need a bit more support. I think for a lot of people it does feel right back to what you said sort of towards the beginning, like it feels quite nerve-wracking for people to think, well, all right, I get sober, you know, I'm in recovery, that doesn't change. Like, how do I sustain that? And you want to feel normal, don't you? You want to feel like you've got a social life, and I think that's why you know we've we've grown in the way that we have in sober fight.

SPEAKER_05 39:12

You know, I still today, six six years down the line, still have a feeling of walking through a set of doors, walking downstairs into the bottom of a church or the top of the church, or wherever the meetings is, yeah. I'm walking in, and there's you know, 20 people there, then it's like it's not like my words feel like I don't like people. Perhaps I need to become a social butterfly. But you know, it'll help you go out if you cocoon. Yeah, that's it. You know, I I really, really struggle with all that.

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:41

So, what would you say to people who are taking their first steps to walk into a cafe or walk into one? What does that actually look like to them?

SPEAKER_01 39:49

So we have our WhatsApp groups for that exact reason that if somebody wants to join Server Butterfly, they sign up on the website, then they can sort of engage in certain groups. So we've got local groups, but we've also got interest-based groups, so you can kind of get a feel for the groups yourself before you then get to a place. And I think that's because I'm very conscious of people who are anxious in those settings, so um, you know, that's why the buddies are in place, so you at least know, right, Tumso is a buddy, so I can at least like meet, I'm gonna meet them their host in the coffee morning. Often the buddies will offer to meet somebody outside if they're feeling a bit nervous, meet them a little bit earlier so that they're kind of the first one and they're settled in rather than walking into a room of 10 people and it feeling overwhelming. You know, we we send out an email the night before if you come into a coffee morning and we kind of try and, you know, be like, we know you're gonna feel nervous, we know it's so easy to just cancel because it's free, but we promise you like you'll be buzzing afterwards, you know, that feeling, and everybody calls it in the community the sober butterfly effect. You know, once you actually sat down and you you start to realise that all these people get it, they understand. Like by the end of it, you've poured your heart out and you know, everything's on the table. So I I think really it's just like just give it a go, and then they've made they've made the friends and they made what they needed, and they kind of like you know, flutter off, as we say, um which is a really like lovely, you know, like evolution to sort of like watch, and then it's kind of that cycle comes back around again. So yeah, I think you know, for longevity, like you know, the more groups there are and the more support out there there is, you know, the more people will hopefully get the support and the help that they need.

SPEAKER_05 41:34

So if people want to come to Flutterfest, how do they get tickets? And when is it?

SPEAKER_01 41:38

So they can go on our website, um, it's from the 2nd to the 5th of July, and yeah, all the information is basically on the website. There's a big banner at the top, and you can't miss it. And then yeah, just follow the instructions through there and be in the book.

SPEAKER_05 41:54

Oh listen, Helen, thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

Remember, Butterfest takes place on the 5th of July. Head over to Soba Butterfly socials and website for more information.

SPEAKER_05 42:21

Thanks to Hannah, Sam and Jimmy. We'll be back next week with Strictly Come Dancing Champion Oriaduba.

SPEAKER_03 42:27

If you or a loved one are struggling with addiction issues, then please know you are not alone. Reach out to Ark House today.