The Cost of Pursuing Your Desires

Just like the weather, desire changes. Today you may desire something and put your time, energy and resources into fulfilling it. Yet, once the desire changes or wanes, you feel disheartened and hop onto the next thing you desire.  

So, the cycle of chasing desires continues. And, certainly at a cost. At the cost of your true happiness. At the cost of finding true fulfilment. At the cost of understanding that you are already enough and you have everything you truly need.  

Stay tuned to learn more!  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Welcome to the Art of Being Happy, Buddha's Guide to Modern Living from Jaitavanarama Buddhist Monastery, Sri Lanka. This intriguing talk series brings timeless Buddhist wisdom to help you navigate life's challenges through simple practical insights. Each episode offers gentle guidance for finding peace and joy in everyday moments. Join us on this journey toward lasting happiness and inner peace. Brought to you by Sanatana Dani, the voice eternal.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Half the time, you don't do what you really want to do or what you really need to do. You do what desire wants you to do. Not half the time. Almost all of the time. That is why later you have regrets. You know, because this changes like the weather. This is not fixed, it's not permanent. This is the effect of causes. Your desire is an effect of causes. Therefore, when those causes change, the effect of desire changes. I mean, heck, you put your whole life into developing something, constructing something, making something, and then the next moment your desire changes. What do you do then? Ladies, can I ask you a question? Let's say your husband, you want to make him happy. Of course, you want to make him happy. And you see him on his phone, maybe or Instagram or something, and he's looking at uh women with uh short hair. And you have long hair. So you see that and you think, hmm, why is he looking at women with short hair? Maybe that's what he likes. So you go in front of the mirror and you see all these years, the years I've put into growing my hair, and you know what all these things you do with them? Straightening and what else? I don't forget I don't remember these words anymore. That that vocabulary is now out. Ironing, straightening, dying. You've done all this, and now years of that, and you thought that's what makes your husband happy, but now you see him on Instagram or whatever, his social media, and he's looking at girls with short hair. Women with short hair. So now you decide, okay, so you know, he's not happy, then what's the point? I'm going to go to the salon and get my hair cut. So you have your haircut, now it's his birthday, so you want to surprise him. So you come back, he comes back from work, and you're you go and greet him, and he says, Surprise, and you had your hair cut. Because you assume that that is what he wanted. And then he's shocked. He says, What have you done? He said, I I I cut my hair. But why? Why'd you cut hair? Don't you like it? No. Who asked you to do that? He said, Well, I saw you looking on the other day, you were what was all that about? He said, No, I was just looking at these women, like how ugly they are. Who in their right mind would cut their hair like that? Was I what I was thinking? What did you do? Oh no, I thought that you just wanted short hair. So now what must she do again? You can't just grow it back like that, right? Now she has to go through all that trouble to grow her hair back again. See? When desire changes, because desire is like the weather. It changes just like that. Initially she was happy with her long hair, that's what she desired. Then she thought her husband didn't like it, then she wanted short hair, so she now her desire changed, so she won, she went and cut her hair. And then when her husband asked her what she'd done, now her desire changed back to long hair. Just like the weather, desire changes. People in the marketing industry, they know this. They know that if they just keep feeding you enough times, right? A lie repeated enough times becomes a truth. So what do they do? They just keep feeding lies. Because they know that your desire is subjective. It's conditioned. Rather than subjective, it's conditioned. It's conditioned by a multitude of causes. And so all they have to do is change those causes. So then they will find a figure that you admire, you respect, and they will have them say something to you. Maybe a sports personality, maybe some someone in the showbiz industry. Someone you like, someone you admire, they will have them say something that you want that they want you to believe. And they don't even use the product. Most of the time it's like that. People will say, you know, I eat this, you actually meet them on the street and ask them what it tastes like. You know, I don't know, I've never tried it. Some of the products that they talk about, they don't use at all. They just do it because that's what they're supposed to do. It's in the contract. Some people become brand ambassadors and they don't even use the product. But people fall for it. Because desire is conditioned. Anything that exists is conditioned. If a desire exists, it's conditioned, ladies and gentlemen. That's why I asked you earlier. Can you name one thing that is not conditioned? That does not require maintenance. The only thing that does not require maintenance is the one thing that does not exist. So wherever there is existence, you will have the burden of maintaining it. There is only one state of non-burden, and that is where there is no existence. Right from your health to your wealth, to your relationships, to what's for dinner, to your home, to your car, to your children, to your spouses, to your education, anything and everything you can name. It all requires maintenance. And that is why the more you have, the more you have to maintain. Do you still have a question as to why I let go of the many things that I had to maintain and chose this simple and humble life? I used to think that if I had more, I was a happier man. And therefore I went through life trying to acquire and hoard as much as possibly could. The more I had, the happier I was was what people taught me, what people told me, and I I bought it. But later on I realized that the more I had, the more maintenance I had to do, the more heartache, the more burden I had to carry on my shoulders. You know, that would have been okay if all those things brought happiness to you. Then it would have been worth the price. You know, I don't mind. I'm not a lazy bugger. I'm okay to invest myself and give time and energy and all that, provided that what I invest my time in gives me back some return. So I don't mind three cars if I get three times the happiness. I don't mind two houses if I got two times the happiness. One child you thought was going to give you happiness. Then you brought a second one. Then I asked the mothers in this room, Were you twice as happy? No one accepted that. No one agreed. Then you went on and had a third child. Then you must be three times as happy. And the answer was no. So then that's not a source of happiness. Then what is a source of happiness? How can anything be a source of happiness? How can this be a source of happiness? How can this flower arrangement be a source of happiness? How can this building be a source of happiness? How can your car be a source of happiness? How can a relationship be a source of happiness, ladies and gentlemen? Because all things require maintenance. All this requires effort. And that effort you don't like to put in. Let's be honest. Do you like to put in the effort of keeping this building in this in this condition? Do you like to put in the effort of maintaining your car? You might like to drive your car, but the effort of maintaining your car, that you don't like to do. You know, if you could somehow engineer your life and everything around it, whereby you can just get the gain but not the pain, you'd offer that, wouldn't you? But what's the old adage? No pain? No gain. Therefore, for every modicum of gain, you have to put up with mountains of pain. And even that gain is a fallacy. That is why this existence is useless, meaningless, and essenceless. Let's talk about that gain for a second. Because, you know, some might say, well, Swami Nasa, you say that, but you know, despite all these efforts that I have to put to go through, still the gain is pleasurable, isn't it? It's joyful, it's it's nice. When I have it in the end, you know, at the end of the day, when I put my feet up on the coffee table, have that hot chocolate and watch my favorite TV program. I mean, that's just bliss. Also you think, why is it always at the end of the day? Why should shall we do it at the start of the day? Putting up your feet on the coffee table, having that hot chocolate, watching your TV, why don't we shift it to the start of the day? It's not going to be as fun, is it? Why is it always why isn't a nice hot shower always good at the end of the day? Why is sitting in the bathtub, just you know, relaxing yourself? Why is that so enjoyful? Why is that so so relaxing at the end of the day? Why is a nice cold drink good on a hot day? And why is a nice warm drink good on a cold day and never the other way around? Think, why is it that the longer you wait, the more pleasurable you feel when you acquire it in the end? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You talk about these things, but it's time to apply that into your lives. You know what would make your family life more interesting? More exciting? Spend as much time away from each other. And then once in a year, once a year, once every two years, once every three, four, five years if possible, right? Unite. Come back together, and then they will be fireworks. But will that last forever? Oh no. The first day, it'll be like you got married again. The second day, third day, by the fifth day, back to how it was. And it'll be time, you'll be saying, Can't you go again? When are you flying back? This is because this is not true happiness. That's what you need to understand. True happiness can't be like that. Apply your scientific thinking. You know, you're all very educated, so why don't you apply your scientific thinking? If X gives Y, more of X should give you more of what? More of Y. Right? So then? If living together with someone is X and Y is happiness, how come the more and the longer you live with them, actually the less happy you feel? And it comes to a point where it just becomes a drag. And the excitement of the relationship just withers away. And then you look for time, you know, that personal space. Can I just have my own time? You can have your own time, you know, then we can get back together again and all that. You know, I've given this example to you in the past. The airport is a perfect place to see this in action because it's it's a place where people unite. Sometimes, you know, husbands with their wives, wives with their husbands, parents with their children, siblings, long departed friends, they come together, and you know, that that meeting point where at the arrivals, where people hug and they can embrace each other, they just can't get enough of each other. There's flowers and all sorts. The smiles and the the the you know the tears of joy is what you have there. But after a while, all that washes away, withers away. Then that cannot be true happiness. We are all on the pursuit of happiness. But because this is just a very temporary superficial happiness, we fall into the trap of thinking that this is the true happiness, and it is not. Reason for that is this happiness comes out of a conditioned entity. It requires maintenance, it requires absence, it requires vexation and relief from it. So if you put your life through that, ladies and gentlemen, if your source of pleasure is always to go through vexation and come out of it, that's not a very fulfilling life. There is a happiness that does not depend on this. Vexation. Putting yourself through pain and then to come out of it and experience again. There is a happiness that does not depend on that. You've been sitting here for two hours. Right? When you sat down, was it not comfortable? Because you just walked outside, walked up the stairs, right? And then you were walking around, then you sat down, you said, This is nice and comfortable. For how long? After a while, you'll be asking me, Swami Nasa, when are you going to stop? Because you would want to get up, stretch your legs, right? Give yourself a bit of a break. And then the moment you get up, it'll feel comfortable. So if sitting is comfortable, how come standing is comfortable as well? And the moment you sit, you complain about having to have kept standing. And the moment you stand, you complain about the fact that you have to keep sitting. So, where is that happiness? Do you see that that happiness is always one step ahead of you? It's always a case of you have to relieve yourself from some kind of pain, be it physical or mental, to experience relief. Relief is what you call happiness in your world. That is relief. So wherever there is relief, there has to be pain beforehand. That's not a good deal. I don't know why you signed up for that. Why do you sign up for that? Don't you want a fairer deal? I mean, how many years of your life have you gone through this and put yourself through this? Pleasure only at the end of relief, at the end of vexation? Christmas is always fun because you have to wait for it. What if every day was Christmas? Sometimes you wish for it, but be careful if your wish came true, that would be a nightmare. What about your birthday? If every day we was your birthday? You're happy when friends come around, don't you? You organize, you arrange a party, people come around, they bring you gifts, right? At least those days you used to. Maybe not so much now, but you know, you you enjoy it. Generally speaking, people enjoy that. But what if they did that every day? Every day if people turned up, then what might you say? Now you start complaining. If people, you know, even the best friend, even the best of friends, if they hung around for too long, huh? Then there comes a point where you feel, why, you know. Don't they understand? Like, you know, they have overstayed their welcome. Why? You have to find the answer to this riddle. And start to look for happiness elsewhere. This is not where happiness is. The Buddha's teaching is to help you discover a happiness that does not depend on these external factors and the world changing to your desires. Because that happiness is conditional. Conditioned happiness must always be maintained. So that's why I'm talking about maintenance and having to maintain conditioned happiness. For as long as those conditions are maintained, you will experience a sense of happiness, but that is not genuine. It's not genuine happiness, it's not real happiness, it's a fake happiness. So then what is true happiness? What is unconditioned happiness? You know, here in this letter they talked about it. Dhanagarika Mahatma is saying that they want to give you unconditional happiness. What is that unconditional happiness? Now, let me tell you what that is. If someone asks you, ladies and gentlemen, what unconditional happiness is, the very simple answer is this there is no such thing. All this build up and hype, and at the end he says that there is no unconditional happiness. There is no such thing called unconditional happiness. Did I just burst your bubble? There is no such thing called unconditional happiness. I'll try and explain to you, see whether you can understand what I mean by this. Because this is as profound as it gets. This is not complicated, it's subtle. It's like threading that needle. Not complicated, but it's very subtle. There is no such thing called happiness. Happiness is not a thing. I mean, I of course you know I don't mean that it's not a physical thing. There's no such thing called happiness, ladies and gentlemen. One side of a coin exists because there is the other side. We only talk about happiness because there is suffering. Do you understand that? We only talk about happiness because there is suffering. Your minds create suffering. Because your minds create suffering, relief from that suffering, albeit temporarily, is an experience of happiness. But you take away the suffering? Not what's there. If you took away the suffering, what's left? Happiness. Take away one side of the coin, what's left? The other side. Think carefully about what I'm trying to explain to you. Because I have not explained this in these words before. The principle is the same, but I think this is the first time I'm putting this concept in these words. This side exists because the other side does. If you took away this side, what would be left? This side. Huh? If you took away this side, what would be left? No side. So you see, if this is suffering, then this is happiness. If this is suffering, I'll make it as practical as I possibly can. You don't like the side with the leaf on. Let's assume that. You don't like the side with the leaf on. So then this side is what side? Suffering side, right? Okay, so let me turn it around. Now it's a happy side. And then if I turn this back around again, now sad face. Then happy face. Sad face, happy say. So this is what happens in the world. What is the world? Always ups and downs. And life goes on, you say, right? So always turning around. Always happiness and sadness. Happiness and sorrow. This is what world life is like, isn't it? Isn't this life for you? Isn't this what always happens in your life? At times this side. And then you do something about it, and then it turns to the other side. But you can be guaranteed that after a while it will turn back around again. Just as night follows day and day follows night, these two things will always follow each other. Whenever it's in this state, you will use whatever energy you have, whatever knowledge you have, whatever money you have, whatever connections you have, friends you have, family you have, whatever is in your power, you will use to turn this round. And hopefully try and keep it that way. So this you say is order. To you, this is chaos. So for you, this is order. So if this is suffering, then do you not realize that this side has to be there for this side to be there? So don't wish away suffering. Do you see the irony in that? Don't wish away suffering. Welcome it into your lives. Welcome suffering into your lives so that you can then do something about it. And experience a moment of relief and enjoy some happiness. In other words, what I'm saying is jump into the pit of fire so that you can jump back out again. Do you see how I'm mocking you? Jump into the pit of fire so that you can keep jumping out of it. Because once you are out, you can't be there and be happy forever. Because to experience that relief that came out of the freedom from the fire and the burning embers, what do you have to do again? You gotta jump back into the pit and then jump back out again. So jumping up and down, this is what we call life. Then this for this happiness to exist, this suffering must exist. Then if you're not happy about suffering, let's do something and get rid of suffering. Okay. The moment you get rid of suffering, What's left? Happiness? Nothing. Nothing is left. That's why I say there is no such thing called unconditional happiness. We can call it nibbana if you like. But nibbana is a state of non-existence. It's not happiness, it's nothingness. Because there can never be a happiness that is not conditional. See, this happiness is conditional on the other side, facing away from you. This is why you will always try and put your force to try and stop this from turning around. The moment it starts going like this, you will push it back again. Why do you do a job 9 to 5? Why do you work? Why do you work as hard as you do? Because life is always trying to turn this way, right? It's today's payday. If today's payday, finally you have turned managed to turn this around this way. But from this from today to next payday, what happens? This is what happens. Between two paydays, this is about the middle of the month. Oh, towards the end of the month, just before payday, it's kind of like this. And then you keep turning it until Friday again. You know, your happiness is just like an eclipse. It's not yours forever. It's just an eclipse. So the moment the moon moves away, now you have the full scorching sun right in front of your eyes. My the what I'm trying to explain to you is this, and the objective of this explanation is this. You have always enjoyed a happiness that has come at the price of suffering. You've never known a happiness without suffering. I'm sorry to say, you've never known one. I challenge you if you can come and show me a happiness that does not depend on the absence of suffering. These two things have to go hand in hand. I challenge you, if you can come and show me and point at me one example, if possible, where you can have happiness but no suffering at all. Whenever you knock on the door of happiness, you must remember that on the other side you will also find suffering.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Thank you for joining us on the Art of Being Happy from Chaitavanarama Buddhist Monastery. May today's wisdom bring you peace and joy in your daily life. We'd love to hear how these talks have touched your life. Share your experiences with us on Plus91 6361803371. Until next time, may you find happiness in each present moment. Brought to you by Sanatinavani, the Voice Eternal.