Get the Philosophy of Happiness Right

If happiness needs to be maintained, sustained, and strived for, don’t you think it will exhaust you one day? You seem to exchange everything you own for nothing. At least, nothing that lasts. Things or people who make you happy today may cease to do so tomorrow.  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to the Art of Being Happy, Buddha's Guide to Modern Living from Jaitavanarama Buddhist Monastery, Sri Lanka. This intriguing talk series brings timeless Buddhist wisdom to help you navigate life's challenges through simple practical insights. Each episode offers gentle guidance for finding peace and joy in everyday moments. Join us on this journey toward lasting happiness and inner peace. Brought to you by Sanatanadani, the voice eternal.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Happiness. You want to survive because it makes you happy. Survival makes you happy. You want to survive, you want to live, you want to exist because it makes you happy. You want to see another day. You want to spend time with your friends, your family because it makes you happy. Because, you know, don't take my word for it. What happens when you've had enough with your friends, your family, whatever? What do you do then? You either say goodbye and you go home or you split up. When you think that living with this individual for the rest of my life is going to make me happy, you get it get get together with them onto the poor world. When one day comes, you decide, yeah, actually, you know, living with this man or this woman is the last thing I want for the rest of my life, then you get into the. What do you do? You split up. With the same intensity of intention with which you get together with someone, with that same intensity, there will come a day. There may come a day when you decide that you no longer want to be in that relationship. With that same intensity, you will want to be away from them. And then you will go to the best lawyers in the country to try and split that relationship up as soon as it is legitimately possible. Because the last thing you want to see is that man's face or that woman's face. And then the next thing is how much of my wealth, my property might he or she try and get out of me. See? Before that it was how can I share everything I have with him and I want to share my life with you, I want to share my money with you, I want to share my children with you, I want to share everything with you. And then there comes a day after that, I will not let him have a penny. It's like people have been rebooted with no knowledge whatsoever about the state of mind they were in when they got into that relationship in the worst place. Think. This is what happens when you go pursuing happiness. That is the only problem in lesbian, nothing else. Marriage is not the problem. Divorce is not the problem either. Having kids is not the problem. Deciding not to have kids is not the problem either. Going out, staying in, partying, drinking, dancing, none of these things are the problem. The problem is when you do any of these things for the purpose of happiness, that's the problem. Eat because you need food. Eat as much as you want because you need food. Drink because you need to drink. Drink as much as you want. You don't need to moderate it. Drink as much as you want, but because you need it, but when you drink for the purpose of happiness, that's the problem. Because happiness is not something that can be found by doing something. If it were, there'd be a fundamental problem with happiness, and that is happiness would be conditioned. I don't want that kind of happiness. I don't know about you. Why would you want a happiness that always has to be fed, sustained, maintained, provided for? Don't you realize that that sort of happiness would exhaust you? If happiness was something you had to keep striving for, working for, don't you realize that that sort of happiness would exhaust you sooner or later? Is that a deal you want to make with life? But isn't that the deal you seem to have made with life? Don't you think it's time you found a new lawyer who helped you go through the fine points of the terms and conditions, the fine print? When you came into existence, you made you signed this contract with life. But perhaps you didn't read the small print. All I can say is you didn't find a good lawyer. Because that lawyer never pointed out to you that you would be spending all that you had in exchange for nothing. That is the truth. So we were going to burst a few more bubbles. Let's not spoil that. Let's come back. So we we now exhausted the academic part. Let's try something else. Relationships. So let's go back to our younger years. Who here remembers their first crush? Ah, could I have a few nuns? Now I'll put my hand up as well. Shrabin there done that, you know. We are all the same after all. The only difference between you and I is not our experiences, it's just our different philosophy. Just a different philosophy of life, that's all. That is the only place we define. Experience-wise, we are pretty much the same. Done many of the same things, made many of the same mistakes. I corrected ourselves by doing having many of the same teachers, but ultimately one of us decided to reject a different philosophy of life. That's why I don't take lessons from you. That's why you're here to listen to this sermon, and I'm not there to listen to that sermon. Reason being, you give me a date and a time, and I will guarantee to you that I will be happy at that time. You name your day, name your time. You know, just to really make it, just really randomize it. Why don't you give the date, you give the time? How about that? Or bring a box into which you can just drop your dates and times into it. Right? And I'll pick one at random. Okay? I'll pick one at random, close my eyes, look away, pick one at random, and I'll tell you I will be happier this time and then I will read it. How about that? How about that? So I won't check it first. I'll first announce that I will be happy and then I check it. Check the date and time. How about that? Can you do that? Why not? Your philosophy is flawed, that's why. But remember, you can change all this. If I can, you can. I'm not a superhuman. I'm just a very average bloke. Just a very average, very ordinary human being. But I know how to make good use of my merits. So if you can learn to do the same thing, ladies and gentlemen, make good use of your merits. Because we all have merits. And no one can deny that. We all have merits. We just need to learn to make good use of our merits, that's all. So for that, we need a good lawyer. We need a good teacher. So remember your first crush then. Like when you had that crush. How old were you? Okay, let's say you were. I don't know, what's the going age these days? These days, you know, I think it's probably months, right? She's six months and she's got her first crush. But when we were younger, you know, it was probably more like years, yeah? And now it's like months, in a few years' time, you should like, she's got a crush on someone. The mother will be saying, pointing at her womb. The child's already still in the womb, and he already has a crush on someone. It will be like that, you can't change that. Anyhow, when we were younger, right, let's say he's five or six or something, and he has his first crush on someone. Right? We've all been there, we've all done that, you'll have that experience. Where did you think your happiness was going to come from? Being with that individual, right? You wanted to spend time with him or her. So what happened then? Maybe in some cases, you were not able to go ahead with that because circumstances changed. You know, they they moved. They packed up and they moved, so then you know you never got to see them again, perhaps. Maybe your family migrated and then you never met again. Some of you tried long distance relationships. How was that for size? But I I I I had that experience, a long distance relationship. So those who have had long distance relationships or are still in a long-distance relationship, happy, right? You're happy, right? So that works, doesn't it? I mean, you you name it. I mean, whatever it is that you have in your bag that works, right? Let's bring it forward. Let's put it on the table, let's examine it and make sure that we find the right ingredients to cook happiness. Because we are all so very experienced in this, in this, in this effort, in this endeavor of trying to cook up happiness. So many years of experience if you count all the number of years across the room. I mean, certainly over a thousand. We have a room full of very experienced individuals, maybe actually tens of thousands. All those years of experience, let's bring the right ingredients to cook up happiness. So the crush didn't work. Then parents said, no relationships now. Now's the time to do the previous one. What was it? Study. Because if you don't focus on your studies, if you get distracted, then what did they say would happen? Let's see whether they they were right. What did they say would happen? If you don't focus on your studies and get into all these relationships, right, then you would not be able to do your studies properly, and then you would not be able to get your grid degree and then your master's and then your PhD and be happy. So for those of you who were obedient to their parents and therefore did not have their crushes, did not have get into any of those relationships, you followed on that career, didn't you? And you got your PhD. Are you happy now? So today you can go and ask your parents, right? The younger ones in the room. You can say, Amma? Today's Ramin Wazi talked to us about this academic career. And he said that, you know, you always say, Don't get into these relationships, don't have crushes, don't grow up with boys and hang out with girls and all that, because it's going to completely distract us from my education, and then it will take me a longer time or not even be able to get my PhD and so whatnot. But then I won't be happy anyway after it. So why not? So why not have my relationships along the way? At least, you know, I know I'm gonna get into a train crash, might as well enjoy the ride. So, first relationship? Now you may remember your first relationship, first serious relationship. Do you remember getting into it? And how you felt like he or she was sent from heaven? I mean like there was an individual in this on this planet, there's only one of them, by one individual in this planet who was crafted by God. The divine powers that they are, I designed meticulously the looks, the words, the character, right? All of that just for you, right? The way she looked at you, you are dead certain she'd never looked at anyone else like that before, right? Huh? And then the way he spoke to you and the way he said, Hey, you were dead certain that he'd never uttered those words to anyone before you, weren't you? Isn't that why you blushed? Didn't you feel that you were the only person that that was special to them? And when when when your hands touched for the first time I wasn't on a proper grasp, I was just a very, you know, just a very random, you know, very unplanned, but planned. You know, just you just you know just brushed like that. But remember you remembered that experience for the rest of the week? Because it was his hand after all. It was her hand after all. No other hand made your hand feel that way. Remember? You find it's funny, don't you? So do I. You are all there. I lived that life. I know what that felt like. Because you thought at that point, here's the person who's going to make your life complete. Your mother couldn't do it, your father couldn't do it. Your brother couldn't do it, your sister couldn't do it, because there was this one person who we are going to meet, right? It was prophesied that you would meet this person. Right? You went to the what do you call them? Astrologists, right? They looked at your horoscope and they said, at this age, you are going to meet this person and they would change your life forever. And they did, didn't they? So you thought happiness served. Do you remember that relationship and getting into it? How many lessons did you learn from that relationship? I asked. Actually, who you met was not a girlfriend or a boyfriend. What you met was a teacher. Don't you agree? Wasn't who you met a teacher? Wasn't that a teacher after all? How many lessons did they teach you on how not to? Yes or no? Countless lessons on how not to. That's what you learned from your first relationship. How not to trust? Not how to trust, how not to. And why not to? How not to, and why not to give you everything because you will lose it all in ways that you may never be able to earn back. Think. All because in each one of those instances, you get you formed another subcontract. Because you had this one grand contract with life, right, that I will do whatever life deems that I ought to at that time. And then with each individual, each encounter, you form these subcontracts, right, with those crushes, with those boyfriends, with those girlfriends that you had, you form these little subcontracts. And in each of those contracts, the only thing you expected in return was one, one thing alone. That was it. Nothing else. You never swayed from that. It was always one thing. What was that? Happiness. Why didn't you stop to think that they were looking for it from you? Why did that not compute in your minds? The fact that they were looking for it from you must have spoken volumes to you, must it not have? Because if if they had had it with them, why would they have come to you? So weren't you getting on your knees and begging it from someone who didn't have it in the first place? And therefore they were coming to you for it? And then you realize I don't have it, that's why I'm going to him. So then surely he doesn't have it, that's why he's coming to me. Then shouldn't the two people have met and said, Hey, you go happiness? No, you go happiness, no, let's walk around and walk away. Shouldn't that what have happened? But is that what happened? No. You promised to each other, I will make you happy. If it's the last thing I do, I will do the same. So that those who got into that relationship, and then those who legalized that relationship, those who solidified that relationship, those who went ahead and and affirmed that relationship, I ask you, are you are you are you? Are you happy now? What was the problem? It was not getting into the relationship, that wasn't the problem. It was not getting married, that wasn't the problem either. It was not finding a house together, deciding to live together, look after each other's needs and wants. That was not the problem. What was the problem? Expecting to find happiness out of it. That was the problem. See, by that point, countless times before that, you'd already tried it and you'd fail. But here's the thing with life: there are some lessons you never learn. Therefore, you keep on making the same mistakes time and time and time and time in. Some mistakes you repeat the very mistake that you made once. Therefore, I'm sure there will be people among you who type the notch more than once. Maybe even twice, maybe three times. Maybe you're waiting for the word. What makes you think that what you didn't find in the first, the second, and the third you will find in the fourth place, then? What makes you think that the happiness you didn't find with your parents, with your siblings, with your crush, with your first boyfriend, you will find in your fourth husband? What makes you think that 30 years of your life in academia and trying to get to the pinnacle of that, you will find in another 30 years of existence or living together with your spouse? What makes you think that? Once again, I repeat, and I want to emphasize this point because I don't want you to walk away or walk out of this room with the wrong idea. It's not that I have a problem with these social constructs. Let them be. Let people live together, let people try and keep each address people's needs and wants and all that. Let the world function as it does. I have no problem with that. My only problem is with this. You have the wrong philosophy when it comes to happiness. You expect happiness to come to you from the outside. Because you believe that happiness can be made, that it can be cooked up somewhere in the laboratory of life somewhere. It can be cooped up in a relationship, it can be cooped up at work, it can be cooped up at the at university. That's what you think, and that's what's wrong. It's time to throw that stove away. Because there is no such thing called happiness. Happiness is not something that you can make. And if it were, that would be a pretty bad deal. Because you'd always have to keep making it. Nothing in this world is ever made. Nothing is done. Nothing's finished. The richest man in the world. Done? Done? No, why not? For now. Always for now. The fastest car? For now. The biggest house? For now. The smallest house? Again for now. All these superlatives. They must always come with a for now. The most educated person in the world is who? Whoever. For now. Do you know why that is? Because the most educated person in the world is not happy, eh? Therefore, they will try to educate themselves a little bit more. Because that's what they're used to doing. Because they think somewhere down that path they shall find happiness. That's why the richest man in the world is still busy trying to make more money. Yes, I admit that if they stop making money, the world's economy would collapse and all that, right? So they help and they support the world's economy to function. Granted, I give you that, no problem, no problem at all with that. As I say, there's no problem with any of that. I'm not here to tear up the social fabric or to you know to completely take away anything from the economy or anything of that sort. No, let the world operate as it does. My only problem is this, if people are doing what they're doing for the sake of happiness, there's a problem there. Because happiness is not something that you can make, it's not something you can fabricate. Because if it was, it would be a very exhausting task. Very tiresome task, very burdensome task. So then do you realize that it's ironical? Because what is happy, if you have to put in a lot of effort to make it, then the effort that you have to put in takes away any worth of that happiness, does it not? Because true happiness should be unconditional, it should require no effort at all. That is what true happiness should be, it should require no effort at all. You have to discover that happiness. I mean, if such happiness does not exist, and a happiness that does not require maintenance, sustenance, effort, if such happiness does not exist, let's just disband closest, let's call it a day, let's all go home. Because there would be no point in us coming together like this and having a chat. Because, you know, we've all tried and we are still trying, and there are so many different avenues. There are people out there who buy property in the hope that one day they will be happy and content, because acquiring property makes them happy. And they won't just stop at their own country, they'll go and try and acquire property in other countries, and sometimes they might even try and acquire parts of the world, maybe islands on their own, and hope that that'll make them happy. But there's no end to it. Why is there never an end to it? It's because that last thing they did didn't make them happy. It was just a tickle. See, all these things are like tickles actually, because you're only when you tickle yourself, I mean you can't tickle yourself, but when someone tickles you, you are you you know you burst into a laugh, but only for that time, right? When they stop, you stop. That's why all these pleasures, this pursuit of pleasure is is a mere Tickle. And like I said, when you do that, you depend on others. See, you have just handed over the keys of your happiness to me. Therefore, now you're at my mercy. Why do you want to be like that? Now you are happy. Now you're not. Why do you want to be at my mercy? Why don't you want to be at your own? Then I'm the master and you're the slave. I get to decide when you're happy. See? I don't want you to be happy now. I want you to be happy again. Actually, no, I don't. See? Do you see the danger with that? Why is tell me, is it not your husbands who decide when you're happy and when you're not at home? You might say no, but let's be honest, isn't that the truth? Haven't you handed over your keys of happiness to them? And sometimes they say things and it completely ruins your mood. And you're broken and you're into you're you're you're broken to pieces, and sometimes for a few days, maybe even for a couple of weeks. And then sometimes they'll try and put you back together again, but it doesn't work. Why? Because you have you've handed over the keys of your happiness to someone else. Because you think happiness comes from the outside. That's why you do that. Because you think happiness is something that can be made, it can be fabricated, it can be cooked. It's not like going to a restaurant and ordering your food and the chef brings it to you and you can eat it. Happiness is not like that.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Thank you for joining us on the Art of Being Happy from Chaitavanarama Buddhist Monastery. May today's wisdom bring you peace and joy in your daily life. We'd love to hear how these talks have touched your life. Share your experiences with us on Plus91-6361 803371. Until next time, may you find happiness in each present moment. Brought to you by Sanatinavani, the Voice Eternal.