"Broken to Brave: When God Rebuilds Your Life Part 1"

In this deeply moving two-part series of Spirit Sisters, host Jenn shares her personal testimony of grief, loss, and the faithfulness of God through it all.

Part 1: The Loss of a Father

Jenn opens up about the heartbreak of losing her father—a foundational loss that shifted everything. In the midst of grief, she began to experience God’s presence in a deeper, more personal way, holding tightly to His promise in Isaiah 43:2—that even in the deepest waters, He would be with her.

Part 2: When Grief Comes in Waves

Just as healing began, more loss followed—the passing of her brother, her best friend’s mom, and her youngest daughter’s dearest friend. In a season that felt unbearably heavy, Jenn leaned into God’s promise in Isaiah 61:3—that He gives beauty for ashes, strength for despair, and hope in the midst of sorrow.

This two-part series is for anyone who has ever felt overwhelmed by grief, wondering how to keep going. Jenn’s story is a powerful reminder that God doesn’t leave us in the brokenness—He gently rebuilds us, piece by piece, into something strong, brave, and full of purpose.

 In this series:

• Navigating deep personal loss
• Trusting God through layered grief
• Finding strength when you feel undone
• Experiencing God’s rebuilding power

 Scripture Focus: Isaiah 43:2, Isaiah 61:3

No matter how heavy your heart feels, this is your reminder: God is still writing your story.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Hey sisters, welcome back to the Spirit Sisters podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

We are so grateful that you're here with us today, whether you're driving, folding laundry, sitting in a quiet moment, or just needing some encouragement.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

We truly believe that God brought you here for a reason.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Yes. So welcome back, friends. This is a safe space for real faith, real women, and real stories. And today's episode is especially close to our hearts. Yes. Our episode today is called From Broken to Brave, When God Rebuilds Your Life. And we're anchoring this in Isaiah 60 61 3 and Isaiah 43.2. And today's episode is only part one. Part two will be dropping on April the 9th.

SPEAKER_03 1:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

So tune in, and we can't wait for you to hear this amazing story.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Yes. So Isaiah 61.3 says, He has sent me to comfort all who mourn, to give them beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, and praise for despair.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yeah. Beauty for ashes, joy for mourning. That's God's promise, even in the middle of our mess. Today's episode is probably gonna be a good one. So if you're folding laundry, I hope you got a lot of it. If you've got a quiet moment, I hope you got a lot of it. But it's also gonna be a really good story because our very own host and star of the show, Miss Jen. Yeah, so I'm so excited because I know I walked with you through through some of it. I was here for some of it, yeah, but not all of it. Right, right. So I want you to walk me through the beginning of when everything started to kind of pigeonhole.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Well, I I do I do want to talk before I really dive into that. I want to talk a little bit about how Isaiah 61, 3 says that God will comfort those who mourn and Zion be giving them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. Okay, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. These individuals will be called oaks of righteousness, planted by the Lord to show his glory, the verse and a message of hope of transformation, promising that the sorrow will be replaced with joy and despair with praise. A crown of beauty instead of ashes is a sign of mourning and sorrow. That verse promises a beautiful crown in their place. Yeah. The oil of joy instead of mourning. Instead of grief, God offers joy symbolized by the anointing oil used in celebrations. And the garment of praise, instead of a spirit of despair, those feelings downcast will be the clothed with a spirit of praise and worship. And oaks of righteousness is a metaphor for being strong, firm, standing tall in our faith. Yes, I am. Yes, I am, and planted by the Lord for his display of splendor. This is a season that I walked through back in 2024, where each one of these now looking at what I walk through is what God was doing. Okay. His preparation for me.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

He breaks women in the Bible. I'm sure we can go through every single one of them. Yeah, we can. You know, Esther, Hannah, all of them of where you're in the Bible, you're corrupt. You are, you are, you know, and and I feel like you know, we we really gravitate towards and speak more to the ladies and more to the women. And there are so many biblically that he brings before he brings them. And so the end, well, actually, so the beginning of 2024, around March timeframe, we laid my aunt Jenny to rest. And it was a hard weekend. All of us were there, all the family came to Florida. My cousins, we had planned on scattering her ashes out at the lake. She loved the lake that they lived on, and my cousins could not do it. They could not transfer the ashes to the container to do so. Okay. So I looked right at my husband and I was like, I've got this. It's fine. Because I'm the strong one of the family.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

I'm the one that carries it. I can do it. Everybody looks to me to be the strong one. Not knowing that was the first step where God was gonna take me and our family.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

So that happens, and we're getting ready for the service. Everybody's arriving, and I realized that my father is not there. And this is his sister, his oldest sister, the closest sister that he has. Like he's one of seven, but unfortunately, you know, we were starting to lose them. And I just remember looking and I'm like, where is dad? Like, where is dad? Like something is just not. So I excused myself, went into the room, and I called and he he answered, but his voice did not.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

There wasn't dad on the phone.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

He sounded really bad. And when I I say, so for those to give some context, a few years ago, probab I'm trying to think when we were living in Tennessee. Right after Addison was born, so probably in the 2007, eight give or take, okay, time frame, dad was diagnosed with threat cancer.

unknown 7:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

So, and so many years after that, he was diagnosed with lung cancer when we were living in Virginia. Okay, okay. But when I heard him on the phone, I immediately was like, oh my God, it's back. Okay. I knew the difference. Like I knew this was not a normal sore throat. He didn't sound like he was sick of a cold, the flu, whatever. And he was like, I can't talk. Call your aunt artist. That's my Uncle Bobby's wife, which is him. Um, that's my dad's brother. So sister-in-law, essentially, to give some context to those. So I called her because I knew she wasn't gonna be able to make the service for Auntie Jenny. So I was like, okay, what is going on? So I called her and she said that dad had been going through some tests and they were waiting on some answers, but he had not been well, he's not been feeling well. At this point in time, my dad and I have been estranged for three years. Okay. So I was not aware at the time that there was anything medically going on. Okay. And so we get through that. So fast forward to April, and we receive a call. Dad is in the hospital.

SPEAKER_03 8:27

Now this is in Florida.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

This is in Florida, yeah. So this is in Florida. We receive a call that he went to the hospital, not doing well. My cousin had called, and I was like, okay, uh, there she was crying. Like, you can't really understand stuff. And the things that that were going on and what she was saying, I'm like, okay, I mean, I have the medical background, so I'm like, I've always been also like, don't think the worst until you know, don't always really think the worst. Like, we always want to be like, okay, this is but also like I'm like, give me the medical chart. Yeah. Like, let me read what's going on so I can better understand what's happening. You know, so we took off to go, Stuart and I took off to go down to see what was going on. In the middle of all of that, and trying to figure out, we were also dealing with some friend hurt and walking through that season, not knowing what was going on there. And I'm like, that needs to take a back burner. I need to focus on over deal with that right now. I yeah, I need to know what's going on here. Right. Like, if this is returned, how serious is this return? Like, what are we talking about here? What is so we went down, we spent the weekend or a few days. He's real big about his milkshakes, loves his milkshakes. So we got to the hospital, and they were wonderful. They were very nice, very welcoming. And I walked in and I joked with dad, and I was like, Well, you don't look like you're dying. You look great, you're tanned, and your hair looks good. So, what's the problem? Why have my hair?

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Love the candor.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

And um that's just how we do it. Yes, how he is too. And so he just laughed and he looked at me and goes, Jen, it's not good. And I thought, shoot. Yeah, yeah. Like if he's really kind of looking at us and saying this, and he's admitting it, yeah. I was like, okay. And he's like, Listen, the doctors are coming, come in. Like, I have so-and-so coming in, and on college coming in, and I got this coming in. And I'm like, all right, well, I guess we make good timing, you know, like I'm gonna eat all these doctors. This is great. And so, you know, we we've gone in, I think it was like we were, it was lunchtime, something. I just remember we were kind of getting hungry and I looked at Dot and I was like, What do you want? Do you want a burger? What do you? And I'm like, No, I'm you want a shake, don't you? And he's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me chocolate shake, my chocolate shake. All right, fine. So we take off, we go get some food. But he wants me to go by the apartment to look at the paperwork. He's like, All the stuff is there, like the scan is there, the paperwork is there, all the medical. Okay, the tape, like he's giving me all the detail, like, look at it. He's like, it's everywhere. And I'm like, what do you mean it's everywhere? He said, I lit up like a freaking Christmas tree. Of course, he didn't say freaking. I lit up like a freaking Christmas tree on the PET scan.

SPEAKER_03 11:25

And I was like, so prognosis of suicide. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

So I held it together. Um that is extremely strong. And I was like, all right, well, we've been through, you know, throat cancer and and basically stage four of lung cancer. Like, you almost didn't survive that. Like, right, we're not gonna, you know, let's just figure this out. It's fine, we'll figure this out. I'll be back. Doctors aren't coming back till late this afternoon, so I'll be back before they make rounds and I'll I'll discuss it. Not a big deal, man. I got this. We've got this. So we ran and and I looked at I looked at it. Saw the drawing that the doctor had made. Throat, lung, hip, admin. He was right. It had metastasized everywhere. At that point in time, we did not know a secondary that would be coming down the pipeline later. So I said, All right.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

What do we do?

SPEAKER_02 12:47

Let's let me look at this, let me read this, let me see what's going on. What are we gonna do about treatment? Do we decide on treatment? Um, so we went and got the stuff, I had everything, we came back to the hospital. He was in good spirits, messed with the doctors and the nurses, we talked, and he, you know, the one guy walked in. I want to say it was the uh oncologist and great guy. Wish I could remember his name right now. Absolutely fabulous, so great, so nice, so sweet. And dad was like, listen, you can talk freely in front of this. Is this my daughter, this is my son-in-law. And so he did. He goes, You know what's going on? I was like, I think so. I'm like, but you can you can speak medical terms to me. Like, I understand what you're saying. And he's like, All right, he's like, you know, this is what we're looking at. He's like, but hey, you know what? I can I can bat this out of here. Like, we we can we can do treatment, we can do this, like yeah, we are not at the end, and I'm thinking, okay, but I medically know, you know. So I'm like, and it's always that adage of doctors, anybody in the medical field are the worst patients. Oh, yeah. Because we think we know, you know, yeah. And of course, I'm sitting there like, um, can you like what are we doing here? Are we just prolonging? Because I knew how bad dad was the first time with you know the lung cancer. The throat really did him in too, but just the two others. And I thought, I don't know if he's gonna want to do this, and I don't know if he can. Okay, I just don't know if he can. So we had a good conversation. Stuart had walked out of the room, and dad and I were able to reconcile our relationship right there in the hospital. That's so good. That's so good. You know, I was like, I forgave you a long time ago. Like I think I didn't know, you know, and I think it was just a different person that I was speaking to.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

It was a different person I was speaking to, and you like being a different person yourself, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Yeah, yeah. It it just was different, it was a different conversation, yeah, really different. And I'm I mean, that was that was all God. Whether he will want to admit it at that moment in time, that was all God. So my dad was not a believer.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

Did you just I I I'm assuming the conversation was like, hey, we're good.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Because I know how well he kind of I can't remember what he said to me because he started it, but I just remember like I'm like, Dad, I forgave you a long time ago. That's part of it, right? We get forgiveness first, right? I didn't know that, and it just was different. I'm like, it's fine, and that was you know, that was it. Like we hugged, it was fine, and I was done. I was like, what do you need me to do? Okay, and you know, at that point in time, my cousin was on the paperwork and getting the information, and he was like, I really want to add you on there, you know, you know this stuff, like you understand it better. Like, I let's get you put on there. And there was a lot of things that you know, we just you just do when your parent is in the hospital or somebody you know is in the hospital, like family member. Like, there's just things that you gotta fill out, things that you gotta do, conversations we're having, what we're looking at doing, how long's he gonna be in here? Can we take him home? Like, yada yada yada. So I wanna say we took him home and got him settled, got his medication and everything, lined up all his doctor's appointments, like all that stuff. Like, okay, I want to say we got him home. But while this this was this was a turning point, and this is why I said this was all God leading this conversation, okay, and how this happened. Okay. Was that happened between him and I? I left the room to start to call family to tell them where we're at, what's going on, and here's the update. And at that moment, I thought Stuart was gonna walk back out with me, and he's like, No, I have a feeling I need to stay here. There's a conversation I need to have with your dad. And what that conversation was was about God, was about believing and dad asking the questions. Conversation I can't really speak to because I wasn't in the room, right? But I know the result of that conversation. I know that you know, sir, was like there, you know, he asked, like, if there's a god, why do bad things happen? He's like, Because there's evil in the world, right? Like evil was let in. And so while they were having this and I was on the phone, their relationship was different at that moment too. Yeah. Because not only are they really kind of having this father or son-in-law type of conversation, they were talking about him at the center. So I couldn't have, you know, couldn't have asked for a better side phone. Exactly. Exactly. So get him home, all of that. I've got to get back to work because I'm still working at this moment. And for those that don't know, all three of our kids were graduating. Yeah, they haven't graduated, yeah. We had two that were in college at the same time, the twins, and then our youngest was graduating high school. So, you know, our son Bryce was going to be graduating first in the first part of May. Our daughter, McKenna, the second part, and then Addison, the third part. Like it was boom, boom, boom, boom. And that was that was something he said to me in the hospital. Was he looked at me and he said, you know, I don't want this to interrupt those kids' graduations. You can't miss that. Yeah. As a mom, you know you can't miss that. Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

But as a daughter, how do you not be done for your dad?

SPEAKER_02 19:12

How do you not be there? So the next couple of weeks were a little on the scary side. There were some things medically that had happened. Where dad was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. And when you're trying to call every flipping hospital there is in Florida in this small town area, I'm like, seriously, why do we have four hospitals? Like, what is going on? Like I was like, Well, I'm not getting an answer. Have you heard from your dad? No, I haven't heard from my dad. Like, what do you mean? I talked to him early this morning. We we had a conversation about this that was medically going on. And I was like, okay, maybe you should call the doctor. Like, maybe you know. And I think it just got so bad that he was like, I've got to go in and didn't let us know. And they end up, of course, ambulance comes in, EMT's come in. Well, nobody's gonna grab his cell phone. Well, of course not. So his phone is now at his place. We're trying to call him. He's not obviously answering, he's on the way to a hospital. Now I'm calling all these hospitals, you know, trying to. So we just there was a couple weeks of this, and I I knew, I knew what that meant. I knew this is the start to the end. Okay. We are hitting we're hitting the bad stuff. This is coming fast. This is this is gonna be lightning fast. I didn't say that to anybody, I just kept that internal. Okay. So the kids didn't even know. They just knew that Grimpie was sick.

unknown 20:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

They did not know, I don't think, the extent of just how sick he was. How sick he was. So the first weekend of May comes the first graduation. We drive down to Pensacola. We are there for breaks. He's graduating with his degree, business, UWF, University of West Florida. And the next day I'm getting ready in the hotel, and I see my cousin calling on my phone. And I immediately turned to her and he's like, I got it. Because I'm like, I have to be present. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, I cannot take that call. So he took it. He came back in, he's like, it's fine. So I was like, okay, all right. That I'm like, okay. He's like, yeah, it's fine. We're gonna go. Everything's fine.

unknown 22:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Doesn't say anything to me. Not you know didn't give me any kind of context. No, no context what's the thing. Just everything's fine. Right. Took care of it. We can talk about her later. No problem. I'm like, okay, okay. Probably just something scan log. Your mind just starts going. Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Starts finally.

SPEAKER_02 22:19

So now we're heading over, you know, to where they do the graduation, and I am like focused in, you know, taking pictures, doing all the stuff. Proud parents, we're so excited. He's graduated. Oh my gosh, you know, like all the things, right? We go and celebrate, we're doing all the stuff, we're packing up, we're heading back to North Carolina. And um the drive home, I called dad. And I want to say Bryce was driving sure was in the front seat. I was in the back seat. And I called him and I was like, hey, how's it going? What's going on? I can hear a lot of ruckus in the background. He's like, Oh God, you know, everybody's in the hospital room. Jesus, they think I'm dying, you know. And I'm like, okay, Dad, right? Like all my family come from a huge family, a big Irish family. So the cousins are there, everybody's coming in. And he's like, Well, Jen, it's in the damn brain. And I had already kind of known that because per the conversation, his demeanor, how he was. Was that him? I knew the day in the hospital.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

I didn't want to come to terms with that yet, though. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

But knowing that it was everywhere and they had not done the scan yet to know whether it was, and that's what the oncologist was doing. The oncologist, the week, I missed this, the the week before, the week that we were leaving to go to Bryce's graduation, he called me at work. Stuart came in and we were on the phone with him. Okay. And he said, you know, if it's there, we can we can do this. I can give your dad treatment, we can prolong, we can give him time to be able to. And I just I'm like, is that really what he's gonna want though? Right. Like he's not gonna want to live out his last days of life on chemo, on chemo, or radiation, or all of this stuff. Like, yeah, yeah. I understand, but like, I just don't know. You know, I agree. He's like, but I'm like, I understand, I know that you're you're a great doctor and you're amazing. And I I love you, and I appreciate you calling, but I just don't know. I just don't know. This isn't my decision. So when I was on the phone with dad in the car, he was like, he said, I I think it's best. He's like, I don't know, Jen, what do you think? He goes, I think it's time for hospice. They're telling me that maybe it's best. Like it's my decision. I don't want to do treatment, I don't want to go through that. It's quality of life. And I'm like, yeah, dad. He's like, what do you think? Joanne can't fill out the paperwork. She's hysterical, she's nothing, you know. He's just giving her all kinds of crap and laughing. And then I the kids, the her kids were in there too. And I said, you know, I think it's right, dad. Like everything you've been through. Yeah, I I personally I don't want to see you look that way. I don't want to remember you that way. Yeah. And we know, like with the other family members that we've lost, it's so hard to see somebody. It is, it is to go to go through that. Yeah. And I said, you know, I don't think that's the right decision. Okay. I think that's the right decision. I think I think it's time. I think we call in hospice care. The last three weeks have been really crazy. Yeah. And I think it's time. And he's like, I agree, I agree. So, you know, and I I sent pictures, told him whatever. He sent text messages to all three kids.

SPEAKER_03 26:19

Congratulating them on their graduations.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Thank God he did what he did.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:28

So those that have twins know everything happens together. When one happens to one, the same thing might happen to the next one. One gets hurt, the other one gets hurt. Might not be an elbow, might be a knee together, whatever, but they all come together. And I should have known looking ahead. So that Wednesday, we literally get back from Bryce's graduation. I know you're alone. I was very excited. I think it was like that seventh. I remember we literally left. I was like, guys, I'm not gonna see you for like the whole month of May. I literally like, yeah, we get home, we unpack, we do laundry, we breathe back, we get on the round of our volume. Yeah, yeah. It literally was like that. That Wednesday we left, we headed to Ole Miss because there was a lot of things that we were doing, you know, for her.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

There was a lot of like the parent.

SPEAKER_02 27:31

There's all the parent stuff, and then we were doing our own party for the sorority girls, and then there was something different with the sorority girls, like her friend group, too.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

And then the big sorority was different than all the girls.

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Like we were just like it was something every day leading up, and then you know, different events and all the stuff, and so you know, all and everybody, you know, the grandparents sweat and all of that, and so Mother's Day. Now Mother's Day is graduation day. Mother's Day is graduation day.

SPEAKER_03 28:09

So we're out on this.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

So Mississippi time zone is an hour behind us. So it was I want to say 1:30 or 2.30 in the morning. Seward wakes me up and he because I'm wake up because he's moving around and I'm like, what's wrong? And he's like, your phone keeps buzzing. And I'm like, what? Like, I'm half asleep and waking up. And he comes to the other side of the bed and he looks at me and he goes, It's Kathy. And I said, Oh my god. That's a joke in our family is nothing good happens after nine o'clock when you get a phone call. Right, yeah. On that, on my dad's side, the family I used to joke about that. Yeah. They're calling me after nine o'clock. This is in the middle of the night. And I looked at him, I said, My dad's gone. So I call her back, and she is just hysterical, wailing, and I can hear her clear as day. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. I'm so sorry, he's gone. I don't know. I'm so sorry. Like hospice didn't tell us. If we didn't know, we could have been there. Like he's I'm so sorry. And then the next thing I know, it just it just hangs up. I cry, but I immediately run to the bathroom because I got sick.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

My aunt was making her way across the whole way to our room because we had gotten like a big townhouse for all of us to stay in. And Stuart's parents were there. My aunt was there, my stepdad was there, Addison was there. But Addison, by the grace of God, the girls were staying in the sorority house for one more time, and they had Addison stay. So she would have found out had she been at the townhouse with us. But she was at the sorority house with the girls and doing a sleepover with them. Yeah. My grandma or my mother-in-law has some back stuff. When I came out of the bathroom, because they were staying in the room downstairs. Okay. When I came out of the bathroom, she was sitting on the bed. And I'm like, how the heck did you make it upstairs so fast? Right. I'm like, you are, you got up here really fast. Right. Like, what? And I just collapsed. And my aunt like was sitting and I just, I just collapsed. I collapsed. And I looked at, I just looked up and I thought, how am I going to do this today? I look at the time and I'm like, I literally have to be up in a few hours. How am I going to do this? How am I going to be present for my daughter? How am I going to be present for my family? How am I going to stuff this? Like, how am I going to pull in the joint? And that's where Isaiah 43 comes in.

SPEAKER_04 31:22

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Literally was like, nope. Because I carry you. He does. I will carry you three. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought, you have to. I'm not going to be, I'm not going to be able to put my feet on the ground.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

I'm I don't even know how I'm going to do this. And the first thing us girls are like, oh my God, my face is going to be so puffy from crying. So I'm a mean-looking steward. I need ice patches. I need eye patches. I need eye patches. I need to put something on my face that looks like I have been crying for the last four and a half hours. Meanwhile, I'm like, you know, you're trying to get ready. I'm just trying to like get my bearings. And at the time, I was like, you need to call Pastor Sam because at the time he was our director for our job and uh where I work. And I'm like, you need to call him. Like he was fully aware of what was going on. Pastor Michael, like everybody was fully aware, but he knew like because of work. So I was like, you've got to call him, you've got to tell him what's going on. And so he he called, he didn't answer. Now this man gets up and works out like 4 30 in the morning and goes four miles. Like he's like, he's a wackadoo. But yeah, he We don't associate with them. Right. We don't associate with that. He calls, he calls back, and Stuart tells him. And then he puts him on speakerphone and he's like, Jen, you're gonna run the longest marathon of your life today. And he's like, You're gonna hit spots, and it's okay. But you take a deep breath, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. You have to think about you have to think about being present, don't miss this, be a mom. Your dad told you, don't let this interrupt.

SPEAKER_00 33:16

So I'm like, How am I gonna do this?

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Okay, okay. And I literally was just like arms wide open, looked up, held on Stuart, and said, God, give me the armor, give me the strength of 500 men and carry me through this because I cannot do this alone. And the whole time it was just Isaiah 40 through two, or Isaiah. And I'm like, okay, okay, I've got this. I've got this. We've got this. I've got this. Yes, we've gotten this. Got ready, went downstairs, everybody looks at me, and I'm like, I'm good. Joy is in my heart, joy is on my face. Nobody knows. We go to graduation, we do all the stuff, we are smiling, we have a party for her and Johnny afterwards, all the families are together, we're taking all the pictures. Not a single soul knows what's going on. Or what's coming. My kids don't know. Yeah. Just a whole. And we said, we're not telling them until they're all together. Okay. Because price was coming up by that Monday or Tuesday. Everyone, everybody would be together by that Tuesday because Mekana was coming back with us. Allison was with us. So it was like, okay, we'll tell them then. I'm not telling one without the other. This just isn't, we're not doing that.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

So that day we told the kids. How do you how do you how do you how do you do that?

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Where where did you find the courage to do that?

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Because the night we got home I went up to our room. I started to unpack. And Stuart went to get me a glass of water. And I cried out. I cried out to God. And I cried out to my dad. And I was like, I just need to know where you are.

SPEAKER_03 35:52

And are you okay? And I could hear him, I'm okay. But I just kept crying out.

SPEAKER_02 36:12

And Stuart came up. I collapsed on the floor. And he held me. He's like, I'm here for you. You just let it out, let it out. And I looked up at the light in our ceiling, and it wasn't doing like the flickering of like the light bulbs about to go out. You know? Like, yeah. Oh, great. The bulb we got changed. The bulbs are, you know, it's flickering. No. This was tapping like Morris code. Hmm. And I looked at him and I went, Do you know Morris Code? And he was like, Why? I said, Look at the light. And he turned around and looked at it. And he looked at me. He goes, Holy crap. And just what we watched it. And I'm like, all of a sudden, I said, It's my dad. So he runs downstairs, grabs a piece of paper, comes back up, has a pen, and I mean, and he's just jotting down and he's watching it. He's jotting down and he's watching it and he's looking. And it was like, he goes, I think I think I've got this down. He's like, it says, I'm okay. I'm with the five. I'm with the family. My aunt and my cousins that have passed. My grandparents.

SPEAKER_00 37:38

I'm with the five.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

I'm with everybody. And I thought, oh my god, like how much peace that kind of gave me right then and there, knowing that he's with our God.

SPEAKER_04 37:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Yeah. He took that acceptance on his deathbed. So I will meet him again. Yeah. That gave me the peace to be able to tell our kids. This is this is where he's at. This is what happened. When I got back to work, my amazing co-workers. It's actually, for those that don't know, um, you really can't see it in our podcast studio, but it's on the wall. It's a piece of wood with the message written in Morse code. And uh of course, I lost it when they gave it to me because I looked at it and I'm like, is this? And Stacey goes, Yeah. Because I told them the story of what happened. Right. And she's like, You're gonna get that a lot. Like, you're gonna see different things, you're gonna feel. And of course, those that know the TV show Stranger Things. My husband was like, hilarious. This is not gonna be the stranger thing better. Okay, we are not. We are not going back to the light. Oh my gosh. Well, you know, you have to find the humor. You know, like I mean, there's the joy. Like, and I was like, okay. And so, yeah, I mean, it was it was hard, it sucked, it was, you know, everything.

SPEAKER_03 39:32

So we we get through that.

SPEAKER_04 39:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

We've told the kids.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:18

We've got three deaths. And now we're starting to try to put the pieces of our a daily life together. So tell me what that looks like for you. How did you get back? I know how you got back. You just jumped right in with both feet, but I also know the gin that is struggling with how do I move on? But I'm still hurt and I'm still sad. So tell me what the next few months, few few days, few weeks, what does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Because you still have another graduation to do. If it is keeping count, we've only got two. Two. We got one more to go. We got one more to go.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Yeah. And then there's also coming up a wedding.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

No, there's not the wedding. No, the engagement. The engagement. So we well, we know it's coming.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 41:21

We knew the wedding and the engagement were coming. Yes. So mentally, yes, you're trying to be there for the daughter.

SPEAKER_02 41:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

And be there for this next huge life change.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

Yeah. So tell me. Yeah. So tell me, tell me how that looks. After that, you know, what are you doing? You're planning a celebration of life. Exactly. Okay. Okay. You're sitting down, going through all of that, trying to figure out.

SPEAKER_04 41:49

And you're the one doing that.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

My cousin and I doing it together. Okay. We, you know, also going to his place. Okay. And having to go through everything. Go through everything. Ask family members what they want. My dad was a big train guy, loved model trains. Built like the model replica railroad stuff. All the things, like very much into that, had them. And um he was very close to my cousin Ashley. She went through um a rough patch, cancer-wise, and dad was just there for her a lot. We all were. And you know, we're we're very close. Joanne, her mom, my dad, very close. Kathy, my cousin, who took care of the one. Very close, very close, very close, you know. So we made the arrangements because obviously I still have Addison's graduation, the end of May. Not to mention, we knew the engagement was coming in June. Right. And Addison had a big pageant that she was competing in for North Carolina team USA. And you're also doing end-of-the-year stuff with the kids, right? Um, at this point, we were we were out amongst. Yeah. Like we were we were narrowing down. And so Okay, okay, okay. Um so we're kids, at least we're so we we're we're slow down at school, so that was a blessing. Have that since graduation, celebrate, do, you know, do all stuff, and then have the celebration of the engagement. And then essentially dad celebration. Everybody coming together. And I think the crazy thing is that. When dad had his bad bout of cancer, lung cancer, I had already planned a eulogy. I had already planned a service. I already planned what I was going to do. Okay. Because it was it was not looking good. Right. Like it was not looking good. Like they were almost afraid that they couldn't get the tumor out. And that was gonna be it. So I I I prepare. Those that know me, like I'm a planner, I prepare. I I'm like, I got we we gotta get Christmas. Like, here we go. Again, there's my strong, like, we got this. My dad used to throw these Christmas parties, and those again, we are Irish. So he had these favorite shots that were called like these buttery nipples. And I know it's pretty bad to say, and I apologize, but that is what they're called. It's real. And I had it.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

I think it's hilarious. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

I had asked my cousin Stephanie, who I am very close with. I had asked her husband to be the bartender, and I bought shot glasses for everyone. And they all had on their Uncle Jack, Grampy, Dad.

unknown 45:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

And I knew that he was not gonna want us to be upset, crying, so like all of this. We are this cold celebration of life. Irish wake. It is a celebration of life. It is a poppy. Yeah. And his favorite was Johnny Cash, Man in Black, you know, loved Alan Jackson and John Denver. Uh loved John Denver. I'm sorry, John Denver. I know that you were up there playing with my dad, but dear lord, if I ever had to hear another song of John Denver, I'm going to justify. And so we played all the stuff, you know, and just getting ready for that alone was so hard. Writing the words.

SPEAKER_03 46:10

Like, well, you know, you you go from so you get the news of his death. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

You immediately have to jump into, yeah, I gotta be a mom and I gotta be there for my kid. Right. Yeah. And then I gotta go plan so your emotions, yeah. You've gotta like, all right, I gotta put this one down and I gotta take this one up.

SPEAKER_02 46:35

Yeah. I mean, go back. Like, we found out that it was in his brain with Bracey's graduation. He died on McKenna's graduation. I'm planning a service on Addison's graduation. Right. Like, boom, boom, boom, boom. But I'm also having to be present in every single one so that I don't forget. Like, I don't want to not be there. Right. So that was my prayer for God to literally carry me through that. And that was my question. Like, I know the story isn't done.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

But I want to take a pause because I think it's really, really important that for for our listeners who are listening, who are going through the same thing, how does how did it affect your your your Christian life, your spiritual life?

SPEAKER_02 47:23

Talk to me about that side because that's the side that I I will say the when I when I cried out, when I when I said that I cried out in the in the in the bedroom and found out it was a few days later that I cried out anger. I cried out anger. Yeah. And I and I honestly can't tell you like what the anger like I was just cried out in anger. Like just anger. Anger overdulk. And I and part of me, I think, was because I wasn't there in the hospital. I wasn't there when he took his last breath. I wasn't there. I was, I needed to be with my daughter in her graduation. Right. So maybe, you know, like looking back, I think part of it might have been a little bit of anger over the guilt of that, of not being there. But also the fact that I am still a parent, I'm still a mother. And repeating hearing dad's voice, this is not to interrupt the kid's graduation. Do not let this interrupt. Like that's so that was his wish. Okay, that is your dying wish. That's what I'm going to do. Right. I'm not going to let that interrupt anything. You're absolutely right, Dad. Right. Like he was always like that for us. So got it. There is not a single person in church unless I told you that knew what I was walking through. Right. Because my joy never left. I walked in. I had joy in my heart. Sure, was I hurting? Absolutely. Was I grieving? Absolutely. Right. I was grieving a multitude of things that were happening in the month of May. Yes. However, I literally would pray if I'm angry or bitter, Lord, I'm asking you to take that away. Give me back my joy. Give me back the peace. Continue to give me the strength that I need. And I would walk in and serve. I walk in and lead. I would walk in and do. And honestly, it's not meant for me to walk into the church and be like, poor pitiful me. Everybody look at me. This is what's going on. Correct. It's not you. It's not, no, no. And that's where my testament and the story is, is because Jesus is the joy. And because I literally walk in with him, he literally carried me. My foot, my feet never hit the ground.

unknown 49:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 49:51

Because for those that are listening, this is only number one. I go through three more losses in nine months. Yeah. Yeah. This is number one.

SPEAKER_00 50:05

So if this one, like if you if you had slipped, yeah. If you had not, if you just wallowed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:13

I can only imagine what the next nine, eight months. Yeah. So we we do.

SPEAKER_00 50:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

We're at the service celebration. Little joke on the fact that if you remember me saying the the light literally was like, you know, Morse code. So I'm the last one to speak. That's what I wanted. And I by the grace of dad and God, words came to me finally for me to be able to say. And in the middle of me speaking, the lights do. And of course, everybody's like freaking out. And I'm like, guys, it's fine. It's dead. It's fine. And they're all like, ah, you know. And I'm like, it's fine. It's fine. Like, okay, done. Obviously, I did right because we toasted, we did, we celebrated. Okay. We came back and life happens, right? Yeah. You start happens. You start the engagement. So now we have a wedding plan. We are looking at stuff. Full-on wedding, mom. You know, McKenna's going back to school because she's starting her master's. Well, and you've got so we moved her back. Yeah. You know, we're moving her back to Mississippi. Right. Bryce at the job. Yeah. Bryce is starting to start his career. Now I'm getting Addison into college. And I'm like, we got a move in day. You know, like life happens. Things happen. Right. We're we're going. And full speed ahead. Yeah. And then you breathe. And everything comes to a screeching halt again. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:12

Sisters, thank you for spending this time with us today.

SPEAKER_00 52:17

If this episode encouraged you, please share it with someone who needs hope. We want you all to be a vessel just as much as we are a vessel.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Yes, definitely. Leave us a review, follow the podcast, and remember, your story isn't over. God stop. God is still writing it. And as always, we love you and we'll see you next time. For part two. We'll see you next time for part two.