Depression-When Life's Travels Get You Down

Do you have a heart to minister to the brokenhearted? If so, you’ve come to the right place. 

Today’s topic concerning depression is a recording from a workshop Cherie did many, many years ago for Calvary Chapel Murrieta's Women’s Retreat, but this powerful message is still relevant for today. The theme of the retreat was: Life’s a Trip. The title of the workshop was: Depression: When Life’s Travels Get You Down. And the theme passage was Psalm 38.

Feel free to listen in. Enjoy!

Cherie Fresonke is an award-winning author, and an international speaker and teacher. She has been involved in biblical counseling ministry at various Calvary Chapels for over thirty years, including being the overseer of the women’s biblical counseling ministry at Calvary Murrieta (California) from 2006-2013. She was a part-time instructor at St. Trivelius Institute (Sofia, Bulgaria) from 2017-2020 where she taught biblical lay counseling in the bachelor and master’s programs. She is the author of the Go in Peace Biblical Discipleship Curriculum.

Transcript

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If you have a heart to minister to the brokenhearted, if so, you've come to the right place. The Go and Peace Leader podcast is for the person who desires to biblically disciple the hurting leaders. I'm your host, Sharifanki, an international speaker and teacher, and an award-winning author of seven books, three leads with the Go in Peace Biblical Discipleship Curriculum, which includes Go and Peace, the Go in Peace Leaders Manual, and the Go in Peace Student Workflow. Today's topic concerning depression is a recording from a workshop I did many, many years ago for Calvary Chapel Marietta's Women's Retreat. But this powerful message is still relevant for today. The theme of the retreat was Life's a Drift. And the title of the workshop was Depression When Life's Travels Get You Down. And the theme passage is Psalm 38. Let's pick up at the opening prayer, shall we? Enjoy. Lord Jesus, we just uh come before you today and we thank you so much for all that you're doing this weekend, Lord. We thank you, Lord, for the beautiful weather and to be able to look out the window and look at your creation, Lord, and to just go for a walk out there and feel your presence. Sometimes, Lord, when we're in the middle of the city, it just seems like we can't feel your presence. But when we get away and we get up to a place like this, we can just feel your presence. And so, Lord, we just ask that you would be in this room right now, that you would bring any of the women that are still running late. And Lord, that you would just prepare our hearts for the things that you want to teach us. And Lord, I pray that you would use me as your vessel. Your word really does say that you know every word before it is on our tongue. And so, Lord, I just pray that every word would be from you and that it would glorify and help build up these women so that they would draw closer to you, Lord, that they could see that they're not alone if they're in their struggles, or maybe their friends or families are in this struggle, Lord, but that they would receive hope when they leave here. So we thank you, we praise you, we give you the glory in Jesus' name. Amen. Okay, so this session is does everybody have a handout? Good. Hey Judy, maybe we could set them back by the door, yeah, when they walk in. So grab a handout and uh the front side's the note side, so keep the front side, the one that don't use the back yet. We'll use that near the end. I'll tell you when to turn your page over. But um, so you have um that. And the theme verse for this um, or sorry, theme title for this session is When Life's Travels Get You Down. If that's the workshop you want to be in, that's the one you're in. And if not, you know, uh it's okay, you can run out really quick and find what workshop you want to be in. And our theme for this weekend is Life is a Trip. And so we're going to use the analogy of a road trip as we discuss the different reasons for depression. And in the little book that you have, the little travel journal, it says Life's a trip, but the road we travel is not always filled with adventure and joy. Many times we run out of gas, we make wrong turns, and we lose our way. In this workshop, we will take a look at three reasons for depression and discover the way to get back on track. And so we're going to look, when you look in the Bible and you really search it out, you can see different people who were people who love the Lord, but at different times in their life, they were struggling with depression. And I just love that, you know, because sometimes we think that as Christians, we just have to be this perfect Christian and we have to put this mask on and we have to act like we're just always happy and everything's wonderful, and oh yes, we just have hope and joy, you know, and that's not what you're feeling. You know, you're going through a real struggle in life, and so God's word tells us that we can look to Him for every aspect of our life, right? And God even has answers for us concerning the issue of depression, and so that is really neat. It is a real issue that people from biblical times struggled with. And so we're gonna look at Psalms 38 to see what uh King David wrote. And I just really love this Psalm in the Bible as far as seeing that it is normal at times in life to struggle with these types of issues, and it's not like you're abnormal, or it's not like you're spiritual enough, or you know, sometimes that's what we think. Maybe I'm just not spiritual enough, maybe I'm not like her, maybe I'm not like that person, maybe I'm not praying enough, you know, and sometimes it's not that at all. So Psalms chapter 38, verse 1. Oh Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath, for your arrows have pierced me and your hand has come down upon me. Doesn't that sort of describe depression sometimes that you just feel like you're just pressed down? And here it says, Your hand has come down upon me. Because of your wrath, there is no health in my body. My bones have no soundness because of my sin. So sometimes depression, we're gonna see, can be a result of our own sin. Sometimes it's not, and we're gonna talk about that also. My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are lonesome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low. All day long I go about mourning. Doesn't that just describe depression? I mean, you don't even want to get out of bed. You know, it's like, forget it, the sun came up. Well, it didn't for me, you know? And you're just like, or bowed down and you're just brought so low. And here, King David is describing that. He went through this. How could he write with such depth if he hadn't gone through this? And then he goes on and he says, My back is filled with searing pain. There is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed. I groan in anguish of heart. Isn't that interesting? That sometimes maybe what we're going through, maybe depression, we're just we're just groaning, groaning in anguish of heart. You know, we've had this deep hurt, maybe, and we're just groaning in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, oh Lord. My sighing is not hidden from you. God knows everything. Even if we might try to fool our friends and our family and try to put on that happy face and go about our day, the Lord knows, doesn't he? He knows, and he just wants us to come to him. He just wants us to cry out to him and say, Lord, you know, you know I can't get out of bed today, and I need your strength to lift me up because I can't do it. And then he goes on and he says, My sign is not hidden from you. My heart pounds and my strength fails me. Even the light has gone out from my eyes. This part where it says, My heart pounds, I think that's like anxiety, you know. I do a lot of counseling. I've actually been counseling since 1993. Um, the Lord first called me to that ministry in 1990, and it took me about three years to learn all that I could before I actually started it. I'm still learning. I still have tons and tons to learn, you know. But I see a lot of women who struggle with even anxiety and anxiety attacks, you know. And I see this where King David just says, My heart pounds and my strength fails me. I mean, from what women have described as far as anxiety to me, I haven't gone through an anxiety attack. I've gone through a lot of all the other stuff, but that one I haven't experienced, please, Lord. You know, I don't want that one. But anyhow, from what the women have described to me, this is exactly what they are describing to me. And here we see King David saying, My heart pounds and my strength fails me, even the light has gone out of my eyes. My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds, my neighbors stay far away. Doesn't that describe somebody who's depressed that pretty soon people don't even want to hang around you anymore. They don't know how to relate to you, they don't know how to talk to you. They may love you, they want to lift you out of that pit, but they don't know how to reach you. And here, King David was like just struggling with the same thing. And then it goes on those who seek my life set their traps. Those who would harm me talk of my ruin all day long. They plot deception. And you know, sometimes I have women come into the office and and um they're they're like so overwhelmed with what, with their depression and their anxiety and the things that are going on, that they're described that everybody's plotting against them, you know, and I'm like, I don't see that at all when they describe the situation and stuff. So sometimes we even perceive things differently and wrongly when we're in such a deep pit. And here, David, although we can read other Psalms of David where he where there were people plotting against him, but I just wonder here, because it's like one verse in the middle of this uh chapter that describes depression, where he's like, Those who seek my life set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin, and all day long they plot deception, you know, and I just think that's so interesting because I occasionally I see women that are like that, you know, and we just work with them and get them back to that point. Because what happens is in depression, our focus really becomes on us because we feel so depressed, and we'll talk about that more in a moment, that our focus really, really, really becomes on us. And when it when we are so self-absorbed in that, right, we start thinking that everybody's looking at us and talking about us and sometimes. And so it's really sad to see that when it's like that's not what really is going on in reality, but it's just that depression in that place that she's in. Verse 13 says, I am like a deaf man who cannot hear, like a mute who cannot open his mouth. I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply. And he's just like, you know, sometimes have you ever just cried out when you're in that pit going, Lord, don't you even hear me? And and then you can't even hear from him, you know, even if he's talking to you, it's like you can't hear. Everybody else around you can see, you know, I've seen the Lord just like really answering you and you just don't see it. Oh no, he doesn't pay any attention to me. You know, and it's just amazing because, you know, we see other people will see God working, you know, and they they don't see it at all. Or they can't even hear anymore. They're just, you know, in that pit, and that's where David was. And then it goes on in verse 15 I wait for you, O Lord, you will answer, O Lord my God. And I think that's neat because here he is in the pit of despair, you know. He just bowed down with his depression. Yet he says, I wait for you, O Lord, you will answer, O Lord my God. And so King David knows that even though he's in this pit, and who knows how long he has been in that pit, you know, the word doesn't tell us here. It could have been a year, it could have been, you know, maybe it was a week, maybe it was a month, maybe it was a year, maybe it was ten years. But he knows that God's gonna answer him. And no matter how deep the pit is that you are in, God is gonna answer you. Even if you may not feel his presence right now, you don't see that he's working in your life right now. He will answer you. He is there, he is. And I know that there's been times in my life that it's like, Lord, you're not there, you know, and you just think that, but he's there. And so take this hope that that David had, even if that's the verse you need to memorize, you know, and know that he is there and he is gonna answer you. And then it goes on, for I said, Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips. I am about to fall and my pain is ever with me. I confess my inequity and I'm troubled by my sin. Many are those who are my vicious, vigorous enemies, those who hate me without reason are numerous. Those who repay my good with evil slander slander me when I pursue what is good. O Lord, do not forsake me. Be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me. O Lord, my savior. That neat. Come quickly to help me. O Lord, my savior. God has so many names, doesn't he? We could make a whole list of all of his names, and King David ends here with savior. So even though he's our savior for all eternity, right? And that if we accept him as our Lord and Savior, we get to go to heaven, and that's what usually meant by Savior, he will save us even out of that pit. He is our savior, and he will lift us up. And so I just love this psalm because we can look at it and see in biblical times, and this isn't the only example. I mean, the whole book of Lamentations is like a, you know, they were grieving there, and we'll talk about that in a moment. But there's many verses that show that depression can be a normal part of life. Not that it's a good part of life, not that we would want it or something that we would hope for in our life, right? But it can come at different times in our life. And so now we're gonna talk about the three reasons that I see in counseling women that I see for depression. Because I also believe that as we get educated of where we are in life, whether what we're going through is normal, whether we like it or not, but even though it's normal, as we get educated and we educate ourselves about that certain subject, we can help ourselves get out of that pit. And God can meet us there. You know, a lot of times I have the women come in the office. I do counsel at Calvary Marietta, and so I have women come in and they just want to have like a half hour to an hour appointment. They want to tell me about their problems, they want me to pray for them and they want them all fixed, you know? And so it's almost like they want, they want to come in and they they think, I don't know, they think that we are more spiritual there than you. I don't know. I don't know what it is, you know, like, oh, a pastor knows everything or a counselor. They have this direct line to God, you know. I don't know what people think sometimes, but that's sort of what I think they think sometimes, and they just like expect that we're gonna pray for them and God's gonna turn on this faucet, you know, of happiness or whatever they need, contentment, whatever it is, he's just gonna pour it down from heaven and it's all gonna be fixed. But I don't see it that way. I see, according to God's word, and how I've seen him work in hundreds and hundreds of women's lives, is that as we learn God's word, right? Because God gave us a free will, we have a choice. And we can choose to apply God's word to our life or not choose to do that, right? And as we choose to apply God's word to our life and believe and trust what he is telling us in his word, even though we don't feel it, right? But we believe it and we walk out and step out in that, that when we take those first and second and third steps, that's when God meets us there. That's when the faucet gets turned on. And that is what's amazing. Not just if we're sitting in bed going, oh Lord, I can't get out of bed today, you know, and I'm feeling sorry for myself. He's not gonna meet us there. He could, he could, you know, God could do anything, but I usually see he doesn't. What we need to do is say, Lord, I can't get out of bed today. I need your strength. Please help me. I can't do it. Roll over, put your feet on the ground, stand up, and he will meet you there. That is the difference. And that's what we need to encourage women to do, and God will meet you there. But let's talk about the three reasons I see for depression. Number one is a flat tire or simply run out of gas. Now, if you were driving on this road trip, right, you check out your car, hopefully, and you make sure that's everything, everything's okay. You fill the tank up, you know, you're everything's okay, and you take off on your road trip and all of a sudden you have a flat tire. You know, what would you do? Would you just sit in your car and go, I got a flat tire? You know? And and we wouldn't. We would call triple A, right? You know, we have our cell phone, we call triple A. And or we would call a friend, or we would call our husband, we would call somebody to come fix it, right? And if we ran out of gas, would you just sit there? Oh, I ran out of gas. Gas life's over. Nothing's gonna happen now, you know? No, we would go and try to get gas. We'd call triple A again. If we're up here in the mountains and our signal doesn't work on our cell phone, then we might get out of the car, right? And go walk and get a gas can and fill our car up and go again, right? Well, that is a physical condition of why the car is no longer running. You can have a physical condition that can actually cause depression. And so if you are going through depression and you haven't been depressed before, it's important to find out is it a medical condition? Now, one time I love to teach from uh actual stories that God has actually done in my life and taught me from. So I share a lot of stories. But um one time, you know, I think my girls were maybe like five, six, or seven. I can't remember. I have two girls there, 20 and 21. And um, so anyhow, they were pretty little, you know, and I was just like so depressed. I was like really depressed. And I remember one day I just like crying, and I'm looking at my house, and my house is just like a terrible mess. And if my house is a mess, that's what puts me over the edge normally, you know. But I'm just like, this is just terrible, life is terrible, and I'm just depressed. So I happened to call my mom and I go, Mom, and I just start crying, you know, and she's like, Sheree, what's the matter? I'm just I'm just so sad and I'm just depressed. And she's like, What's the matter? I'm like, my house, it's a mess, and I'm just crying to her, you know. And she's like, Well, Sheree, I remember this question, which is the weirdest question. She's like, Sheree, are all the chairs standing upright? Yes, but they're not in their place, you know? And she's just like, Sheree, something's wrong with you. She knew me well enough to know that this was not normal for me. Sheree, something's wrong with you. You need to go to the doctor and tell him what you're going through. And I'm like, really? I would never have gone to the doctor if my mom hadn't said that. I never would have. So I'm like, okay, so I call the doctor and I uh make an appointment and I go in and I say, I just don't know what it is. I just can't get out of bed in the morning, I'm just depressant, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, and I'm so thankful that my doctor didn't say, Well, here's an antidepressant. Please don't have that be your first course, okay? I'm not saying antidepressants are wrong. We're not even gonna go there today. And but um, and don't just stop your antidepressants. You have to work with your doctor to get off antidepressants, but don't have that be the first choice. Unfortunately, a lot of doctors automatically do that. Here's an antidepressant for you, and that can actually make it worse. So, and I hate the saying of, well, my doctor told me that I have a chemical imbalance. I hear that all the time, and I ask the women, really, did the law did the doctor do a blood test? Well, no. Well, how can he know you have a chemical imbalance if he hasn't checked to see if the if all the chemicals and stuff in your body are imbalanced? You know? And so, really, find a medical doctor that is gonna run tests to see if there's something medically wrong with you. So, anyhow, praise the Lord, my doctor did that. He did a blood test. And um, you know what? I had mono. Isn't that funny? I was teaching the teenage girls at our church, and they used to always drink out of my straw. And so I got mono from them, you know? And so it was like just knowing I had mono made all the difference in the world to me because it was like, oh, cool. I have mono, I get to stay in bed for six months, I get to buy a whole bunch of good books to read, right? And there's a reason I'm feeling like this, right? It's not just that I'm crazy or I'm not spiritual enough or anything like that. It's an actual medical condition. Well, the other day I was visiting uh my doctor, anyhow, and he's a Christian, and so I said, you know, I'm gonna be teaching this workshop on depression. And so I just want to ask you, you know, I go, I have women all the time come to me and say their doctor told them they have a chemical imbalance and puts them on antidepressants. I go, shouldn't the doctor do a blood test? And oh, he got so passionate about this, it was so funny. He was actually freezing precancerous spell uh spots on my skin, and he got so passionate about I think he forgot on this one. See, I still have the scar. I'm like, uh, are you paying attention to how deep you're like burning this on my hand right now? But anyhow, he was so funny. He goes, Yes, they need to come to the doctor. He goes, it could be their thyroid. He says, that's huge for women. That it could be their thyroid, it could be somebody uh entering into menopause, pre-menopause or perimenopause, whatever they call it now. You could be entering into that. He says, at his church, he sees women struggling with depression, but they're avoiding him at church because and they won't come to him. He'll say, make an appointment, please come see me. But they're thinking that he's gonna think they're not spiritual enough, and that's the reason why they're depressed. And it's not that at all. And he says, like postpartum depression. He says, usually if they would do a blood test with that woman, it's thyroid. Her thyroid's out of whack for a short while. He says, a large percentage of women with postpartum depression, that's what it is. And it's a temporary medical condition as your body's getting all back into order. And so there's nothing wrong with going to your doctor and asking him, just don't let him immediately put you on the antidepressants. Ask him to do blood tests, ask him to run tests, to find out what it is, because it really can be a medical condition. And also, so number one, find that out. Number two, educate yourself if you have a medical condition. Now, also what can cause depression can be a long-term illness. Like say that you just found out you had cancer or I have lupus. I've had lupus since my daughter was six months old and she's 20 now. So for 19 years I've had lupus. Lupus is a disease that you have major chronic pain at times. And it's not something you can be healed from. It's not contagious, don't worry. But um, unless the Lord chooses to heal me, I'm gonna struggle with lupus all my life. But praise the Lord, I'm on a dietary supplement. I am for four years, I have been off all medication because the Lord, through a lot of prayer, through a lot of education, has led me to a dietary supplement. I have to take nine of them a day, but hey, I can walk. She knows me well enough. She knows when I don't take it. I'll be walking down the hall at church and she's like, have you taken your mirror? And I'm like, No. She's like, I can tell, go take your Merak, you know, and it's just amazing. But it's all natural. It's from pineapple and vitamin C, and it's just amazing. And so I want to encourage you that if you're struggling with something, educate yourself. Take the time to find out everything you can. Ask the Lord too. Is there dietary supplement? So many different medical things I've struggled with in my life. The Lord has led me to dietary things. And I'm not into all these herbs and stuff, so don't get me wrong. Don't think, oh, she's weird. But as you educate yourself, and I'm not saying herbal people are weird. Sorry. You guys know what I mean, don't you? So, anyhow, just educate yourself because maybe there is something natural, and that is so much more healthy for you than taking the prescription stuff, right? Because a lot of times the prescription stuff is just something natural that they, you see, they can't patent a natural um thing. Something found in nature, they can't patent it. So the pharmaceutical, so they can't make any money off of it. If they can't patent it, they can't make money off of it. So, what they do is they take the natural substance and changes the chemical balance just a little bit so they can patent it and sell it to you for hundreds of dollars. That's what happens in a lot of that those cases. So educate yourself, and just as you educate yourself, that is freeing too. To know that you're just not lying there in bed feeling sorry for yourself, but you're doing something, you're taking an active role in getting healthy. And also you need to exercise. Now, me with lupus, do you think I want to exercise when I'm in a lot of pain? Uh-uh. But you know what? The exercising, if I will get out of bed and exercise within a week to 10 days, I can work it out. It makes a huge difference by the exercising. But somebody with lupus or fibromyalgia or something like that, they don't want it hurts to exercise. And they don't have the energy and they don't have the strength to get up there and exercise. But do it, do it. I've talked to a lot of women that when they will do that and start working out, it makes all the difference in the world. And so another thing that's very, very important is, you know, if you're taking an active role in it, if it's a medical condition, an actual physical condition, you've either run out of gas or you have a flat tire, and you're taking an active role out there and not just setting in the car waiting for your tire to get fixed, you know, but you take an active role, it changes everything. And you know what? I don't let lupus determine who I am. And that's like really important. And I want to encourage you guys, if you're struggling with something, no matter what that is, do not let that determine who you are. Do you know that my lupus doctor has told me that I can't be a missionary? And I say, guess what? My God in heaven is the great physician, and he is calling me to move on the mission field, and I am going to follow him. Can you please just give me the vaccine I need for that country? You know, I sort of now, after many years, I have trained my doctor to just, he knows I'm gonna go. And so I just so you can even train your doctors, you know, take an active role in your health. You know, there's been times that he wanted to prescribe medication to me that I didn't want. I'm like, I'm not gonna take that. Oh, okay, this will help you for this, but it also affects this, this, this, this, and this. And I'm like, I don't think so, you know, and so take an active role. Say, no, I want a different type of medication. What do you have? Take that active role, and it will uh it will just make a huge difference. And don't let it determine who you are. I'm a missionary. I'm not a woman who's just struggling with lupus. I most people don't even know I have lupus, so I tell them all like this. I'm a missionary. And that's who determines me. I am a child of God, and he has a call on my life, just like he has a call on your life, and so don't let it determine who you are. And you know, sometimes we do go through medical conditions and you wonder why. You want to cry out, especially when you're in that pit and you can't get out of bed, and you want to cry out and you just want to say, Lord, why, why, why? I don't understand. But you know, I love what Jesus said to his disciples in John 9, verses 1 through 3, and you don't need to turn there. And the disciples and him were walking along, and it says, as he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, Rabbi, who sinned? This man or his parents, that he was born blind? And Jesus said, Neither this man nor his parents sin, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. So why does God allow medical conditions in our life? It's so that his glory could be displayed in our lives. And so many times, I can't tell you, I can tell you story after story after story after how God has just been glorified in the midst of medical trials that myself or my family has gone through. It's huge. And so allow God to just be glorified in and through your life. Now, the second reason for depression is an unforeseen road hazard or an accident. You know, as we go through life, just like um the last workshop I was in, she was saying, you know, we just have these plans for our life, is sort of what she was talking about. And so many times we do have plans for our life, don't we? We just think we're gonna do this, and then in a year we're doing this, and everything's gonna be hunky-dory, you know. And we never plan to have a major accident in our life or to have a tragedy, but in real life, those things happen. You know, we can experience a death of a loved one, we can be told a loved one is struggling with cancer, you know, there are unforeseen road hazards and accidents in life, and grieving can be a major reason for depression. And it's important to realize, you know, if you are going through some type of depression, has there been a recent incident in your family or in your life that really needs to be grieved? Because when you look at the normal grief pattern of grieving, part of it is depression. You go through shock, you go through depression, you go through anger, you go through all of these things, and it's normal. Doesn't mean it's good, but it's normal. And we can read a lot about grieving in God's word. In ecclesiastic, we learn that there is a time for everything, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. He has made everything beautiful in his time. Isn't that amazing? That God has made mourning beautiful, you know? For most of us, we want to be in the laughing and the dancing category, don't we? That's what we want. We don't want to be in the mourning or the grieving or the crying or the death or any of that. Yet that's all a normal part of life. And so as Christians, we need to model our life after Christ. In the book of Isaiah, we discover that Jesus was a man of sorrows and he was acquainted with grief. And we're even told that he carried that out completely in his life. In the verse Romans 12, 15, it says he wept that we are to weep with those who weep. And we can see that Jesus wept in the story of when Mary and Matt Martha's brother Lazarus died. We saw that Jesus wept. And so, you know, it's okay to weep. I think sometimes what happens is us women, we try to be so strong and we think we're not gonna cry and we're just gonna put on this happy face. I have to be the strong one in the family as our family goes through this, and we stuff all of our emotions deep down inside. And then a few months go by and we wonder, well, what's going on? You know, this was months ago or a year ago or two years ago, what's going on? And it's because we stuffed it so down, so deep down. Jesus came to set you free, and many times freedom is found through tears. And that's very important for us to remember that freedom is found through tears. So don't hold back your tears. Don't stuff those tears. Warren Wearsby writes in the book Comforting the Bereaved, just as it takes time for a broken bone to heal, so it takes time for a broken heart to heal. The pain can be just as great or greater. Doctors tell us that there is a definite relationship between illness and a grief badly managed. When the emotions do not heal properly, they affect the body and make the grieving person much more susceptible to illnesses. Loneliness and depression that are not handled in a mature way will certainly cause long-term problems that may not respond to medicine. Time by itself does not heal a broken heart. Now, don't you hear that all the time? You know, Spite Wormsby writes, time by itself does not heal a broken heart. It all depends on what people do with time. Isn't that interesting? I mean, it's important for us to look at things the right way. We hear that all the time. Don't worry, time will heal your broken heart. And it's like, no, it all depends on what we do with that time. If we actually allow ourselves to grieve. In Psalms 35, it says, weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning. And so, even though you might be grieving, you might be weeping, you might be going through that time, there is a shout of joy. And in Lamentations, I call it the grieving book, it we can learn a lot from it. It says, My eyes fail from weeping. I am in torment within. My heart is poured out on the ground. And so, can't we see that in grieving that there are times that our heart just is poured out on the ground? And that is a normal reason to go through depression. And so I want to encourage you, if that is a situation in your life, allow yourself to grieve. Don't stuff those feelings and don't try to push it all away and say everything's okay. Take that time to grieve so that you can be set free, so that you can move on. And always remember, Lamentations goes on to say, because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Though he brings grief, he will also show compassion. So great is his unfailing love. And so grieving is an issue in our life. Don't push it away, though. Allow yourself to grieve. And then the third reason that I see for depression, and this is probably the main reason that I see, I call it loss of way or wrong turn. So under the third one, there's actually two different issues we're going to talk about, and you see it on your notes there. So loss of way or wrong turn. And looking at that, the first one is a loss of way, and then you can add to your notes out of God's will. You know, that can actually be a depression in our life. And sometimes I also see women that especially if you're struggling with depression from number one, a physical condition, or number two, uh unforeseen road hazard, a grieving situation in your life. If what I'm gonna talk about right now was also an issue, then in one and two, it's gonna intensify. And so what I'm gonna talk about right now is something that we all need to do, even if we're here for somebody else and we're not struggling with depression ourselves or whatever. It's something we need to do on a daily basis to make sure that our heart is clean so that when we are in the situations of one and two, we don't intensify it and make it worse. Okay, so loss of way out of God's will. Now I see that as we go through life, there are hurts. Um we, you know, man is a sinful creature. You know, God created all of us to have a free will, and because of that, we can choose to do right or wrong. And for most people, they choose to do wrong. And so we're all sinful people, we've all hurt people and we've all been hurt by people, and we're gonna go through life and we're gonna be hurt. And so what happens is sometimes hurt is inflicted on us by other people, and sometimes it's self-inflicted. And so, under a loss of weight, this is where it's inflicted by other people. It's as a result of a deep heart hurt by another. So now let's think back to the analogy of a road trip. Say that you've been planning for many months to go on a wonderful trip with a friend. You know, you've planned, you've saved up, you just can't wait to go. And it's something that you just planned for years, and it took you a long time to save, and you guys would meet and you'd get together and you'd look at all the travel brochures and you just planned all the things that you wanted to do. But once you set out on a trip, soon reality was not matching your dreams. Has your reality never sometimes not matched your dreams? All of a sudden, your friend was rude, she was selfish, she didn't want to do any of the things that you wanted to do and had planned, and in fact, had talked about it for months, and she just didn't want to do any of this anymore. It was as if she had changed and she was a different person. She even started badmouthing you to people around you, which really caused you some hurt as she was talking about you. And this wonderful time that you had planned was turning into an absolute nightmare. Reality doesn't match our expectations, and it's as if somewhere along the way we got lost. Well, Proverbs 18:8, in fact, this verse is repeated twice in Proverbs 18:8 and 26-22. It says the words of a gossip are like choice morsels. They go down to a man's innermost part. And you know what? Life hurts. Have you ever thought of a situation or can think back now to a situation when maybe a friend or somebody you know, they gossiped and said something about you that just either wasn't true or maybe it was a secret you shared with somebody and you didn't want anybody else to know. And how deeply that hurt you. And what do you do with that hurt? I know for most of us, you know, we don't know what we do about it. We think about it for a while and we stuff it deep down inside, right? Because we haven't been taught the biblical way to take these things captive and give them to Christ in a real tangible way. And so what happens one time when I was writing, um, the Lord had me write a book titled Go in Peace. In uh your catalog, it says it's called Go and Peach. And after you read it, life might be real peachy, but the title's Go in Peace. I thought that was cute. And so it's titled Go in Peace. But anyhow, it's after the sinful woman in Luke chapter 7, where Jesus said, Your sins are forgiven, your faith has saved you, go in peace. But anyhow, a friend of mine, when I was writing it, she was on my accountability team and she would read what I would write and she would lift me up in prayer so I would get up every morning and write, because I'm not a morning person. And and so, anyhow, when she came to this verse, she's like, she's like, This verse is so awesome. Isn't this verse so true? And she goes, you know what this verse reminds me of? And I'm like, no, what's this verse remind you of? She goes, it reminds me of a cow. I'm like, a cow? And she's like, Yeah, a cow. She goes, you know, you know, we're just like cows. And I'm like, really? Give me the analogy, you know? And she goes, Well, you know, if somebody, if somebody says something to hurt you deeply, don't you just chew on it for a while? And you just chew on it, and you just chew on it, and you just chew on it, and you just chew on it. And then when you can't stand chewing on it anymore, right, you swallow it, right? And you think everything's fine. And then when you least expect it, you regurgitate it, right? And you start chewing on it again and then again and again and again until you can't stand it anymore, so you swallow it again and you try to go on with life, and then somebody reminds you of it, and then you regurgitate it. Well, you know, a cow has seven stomachs, so they chew on their cud like seven or eight times as it goes through their digestive system. So she says, that's what we're like. We're just like cows. And isn't it true? When this verse is so true, the words of a gossip are like choice morsels. They go down to a man's inmost part. Because when somebody says something or does something to hurt us deeply, whether it's a smaller hurt like gossip or a huge hurt like abuse or rape or something like that, and we don't know what to do with it, we stuff it deep down inside because there's no place else for us to put it. And then we get lost in life when we allow the hurt, the pain, the anger, and the unforgiveness to guide our life. That's not God's will for us. He never intended for us to allow these things to remain in our life, and as we do, they infect our life. And it will infect every aspect of your life. And I'm talking from experience, ladies. I don't have time to go into the whole thing, but if you want to know my testimony, it's in the first two chapters. The first chapter is what a shame, part I'm embarrassed about. And the second chapter is for his glory, when God started taking all my yuck and started using it for his glory, you know, to just um touch other people's life. And the book um is written specific for the uh issue of abortion. But if abortion is not an issue in your life, then just take that word out in your mind as you're reading it and replace the word with sin or whatever you struggle with, and just take the biblical principles taught there and apply it to your life, and it will help you be set free. If, remember, you have free will, you take that and apply it to your life. Remember, the Lord's not just going to turn that faucet on. He gave you free will and he wants you to take the first step. And so, anyhow, that's what happens when we leave hurt and we haven't handled it in the way God wants us to handle it, the hurt left unattended turns into anger. Anger over time turns into bitterness, and bitterness turns into a bitter poison that will infect your whole household. And so it's time for us to learn how God wanted us to handle those hurts so that we can be set free from depression. What I see in women's lives as a result of pushing these things deep down inside is depression, anxiety, outbursts of anger, controlling issues, overprotectiveness, drugs and alcohol can be prescription drugs. All of these things are as a result of the deep heart hurts that are stuffed deep inside of our heart. And God doesn't want that. He wants to set you free. And in just a moment, I'm gonna give you some road directions to help get you back on the right road. Now, B is wrong-turn or disobedient to God's will. And this is self-inflicted pain, I like to call it. When you read my testimony, a lot of mine is self-inflicted. I don't tell you my testimony from as a little child in there. At first, it was inflicted by other people, and then later, when I was a teenager, it was self-inflicted. And so here you're just gonna hear self-inflicted. So I just kept adding more to it, you know, and just getting really messed up. And so, anyhow, what I have seen in my own life is that we can have depression in our life when we choose to go against the will that God has for our life. And there was a time, I think it was in '96, it was 96, that I went through a period of about six months of depression. Now I know how to play church, so I could have gone to church and you guys wouldn't have known that I was fine. But man, it was hard to get out of. Bed, you know, I I just was going through depression and I couldn't even figure out why. And I counsel people all the time. And I was like, I couldn't figure this one out. And I'm just like, Lord, what is going on? I don't know why. I'm so depressed. Well, what was funny was um I'm a missionary to Bulgaria in Eastern Europe, and at this point I had been on two short-term trips to uh Bulgaria, and the Lord had put on my heart that he wanted me to go a third time. Well, I didn't want to go. I didn't like Bulgaria. Now I love the people of Bulgaria, and um I would say that in some ways Bulgaria is my passion. And I would honestly tell you that I have a love-hate relationship with Bulgaria because I love the people, I love the Christians. It's just so awesome. I love the work that God's doing there, but I hate the sin that is so prevalent in front of your face every day. I just hate it. I hate the corruption that's so prevalent that you see that you just deal with every day. And I especially did not like the feeling of oppression. Now, if you have the gift of discernment, which at the time I didn't understand, you know, God's word says, do not be ignorant of your gifts. That's in uh 1 Corinthians, I think, chapter 12. It's either in 12 or 14. Do not be ignorant of your gifts. Well, at this point, I was ignorant of my gifts. I didn't know I had the gift of discernment, and I didn't know that this is what was happening. But anyhow, when I'd go to Bulgaria, I could actually feel the oppression of the enemy. You can read about that in Daniel, I think it's chapter 3 or chapter 10. But anyhow, you can really feel this oppression. I did not like that feeling. It scared me to death, right? Plus, my first two trips, my confirmation to go to Bulgaria, my first two trips, um, the first one I had to have skin cancer removed on my hand and it got infected for like four months. I couldn't even use my hand for four months. That was my confirmation. It wasn't that fun. And then the next time, my confirmation to go to Bulgaria, I ended up in the hospital almost the whole summer. And so I'm like, I don't want to go through any of this stuff again. Why do I want to say, oh yeah, I'm gonna go to Bulgaria for the enemy to attack me in that way? So I'm like, Lord, it's too hard. I am, I just don't want to do it. I'm not gonna go. And he gave me scripture that I was supposed to go, and he gave me um, he put on my heart that I was to save up to go. Well, I said no. And so for six months I was so depressed and I couldn't figure it out. It didn't even click. And so one day I home I used to homeschool my kids. Now they're in college, so I don't have to do that. But anyhow, I was homeschooling my kids and they were learning about Abraham. And it was uh where Abraham was gonna circumcise, God told Abraham to circumcise himself, his whole family, and all of his servants. Now that's a huge thing. Could you imagine being a guy and the Lord tells you, I want you to circumcise yourself, your family, and your whole servants, and Abraham, like a hundred and I don't know, he had a whole bunch of people, you know. So could you imagine, hey everybody, today we're going to have barbecue and a circumcision, you know, just come forward and we're going to do this wonderful thing. You know they all would have been saying, Are you crazy? You're not doing this to me, right? I mean, this was a huge thing. So the question in the kids' curriculum was, when did Abraham do what God called him to do? Right? Simple question. When did he do what God called him to do? Well, the kids, they're guessing, three months, too much, you know, they're just guessing. Well, when you read the story, Abraham did it the day God called him to do it. Now, what also was interesting is I was really confused at this point because if I was going to go to Bulgaria, it was Friday, and I had to have $200 as my deposit in Arizona by Monday. I didn't have the money. I'm going, oh Lord, I'm so confused. I don't know. Do you really want me to go to Bulgaria? I don't know, I don't know. You know, and I'm all confused, right? So, anyhow, I'm just teaching the kids, and it was like, when did Abraham do what God called him to do? And the answer was, that day. And right then I felt like the Lord said, Cherie, you would not be confused if you had done what I asked you to do the day I asked you to do it. The moment I said amen and got up, that gray cloud went away. And what was so amazing, it was at that moment that I realized my depression was self-inflicted because I chose to be out of God's will. And I couldn't even see it till the moment it was gone. And it was so amazing to me because it was just like it lifted, and it was like, oh my goodness. Lord, keep me in your will. I made a wrong turn that I chose to make. Well then, I also had these kittens I needed to get rid of, and a pastor's wife from Seal Beach had called and wanted one of them, and I hadn't called her back for two weeks because I was so depressed. I didn't even want to call anybody. You know, do you ever feel like that? I'm not gonna return that call. Tomorrow I'll call. And then tomorrow comes, tomorrow I'll call. Okay, you know, so you guys can relate, right? So I hadn't called her for two weeks, so now that the depression's gone, okay, I better call her. So I call her up and I just said, Hi Jerry, how are you? And she goes, Out of her mouth. She doesn't even know what's going on. She lives in a whole different city, but God just uses woman in my life all the time. It's just amazing. And she goes, you know, Cherie, you wouldn't be going through what you were going through if you would just do what God called you to do, and you know you're supposed to go to Bulgaria. I'm just like, how do you know what I'm going through? I'm like, Jerry, I just called you to tell you the kittens are ready. And she goes, I know, but you really called to hear that you're supposed to go to Bulgaria and you know what you're supposed to do. And I'm like, Yes, I know. I'm going. So, anyhow, she also says, Oh, by the way, your sister's here right now and she wants to talk to you. And my sister works on Friday, and I'm like, What's she doing there? And she's like, Oh, she's cooking for somebody's wedding this weekend, and she wants to talk to you. So she gets on the phone and she goes, Hi, Shere, you know, I've been praying, and you know that birdcage you want to sell me? She goes, Well, I've been praying. And the Lord told me that you're not charging enough for it. I'm to give you $200. And so, in less than half an hour, God gave me the money I needed for my deposit to go to Bulgaria the minute I got back in his will. And so I want to encourage you, if you are struggling with depression, I want you to take a quiet time today or this weekend and ask the Lord, is it because I made a wrong turn? Is it some way that I chose, maybe little or big, where I chose to go my own way because I just was fighting you and I didn't want to go the way that you want me to go. And you know, I have to tell you, I've even been struggling, not as severe as I was then, but the last couple months, probably because I was teaching this workshop, you know, I'm like, okay, I'm all down again, Lord, and all blue, and you gotta get me out of bed because I can't get out of bed today. And so I've been struggling with that for two months, but part of it is too, because we are praying about moving back to Bulgaria, you know, and and it's hard, you know. My kids are in college, I believe in them, you know, and um I love them. You know, we homeschooled them, we're a close family, and so even though I know what God's putting in my heart, it doesn't mean that what he's putting in our hearts, lady, is easy to do. And that's why we struggle sometimes, and that's why it can cause us to be so depressed. But I have learned too that there is joy there, and he will give you the desires of your heart. I never expected to be in America right now. I expected to be in Bulgaria. Yet he blessed us for this last year to be here with our daughters. And so, even though I don't know how it's all gonna work out for me, I want him to move all of us to Bulgaria, you know, and their boyfriends and just let, you know, we're just all sorry, the Lord, together. You know, that's my plan. And even though we can't figure it out, ask the Lord, is it because you haven't been in his will? And see. And then he'll give you even roadblocks and detours to get you back on track. And we're very good as women to go around those detours and roadblocks. But I want to encourage you to watch for those. You know, God always says that he gives us a way out. Doesn't his word say that? And so watch for those roadblocks and detours to uh get back on the right track. And so now to get back on the white right track, you can turn your page over to this side that has more words on it. Let's see how we're doing on time. Ooh, we got just a few minutes. Um, okay. What time is dinner though? Is it at five? Okay, so even if we go over, there's nothing like right after this, huh? Okay, because I want to be able to answer your questions too if anybody has questions. But to get back on track, this is basically go in peace, the book in a nutshell. And so this is how to get back on track. Number one, make this your prayer. Psalm 139, 23, and 24. Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way ever after. You know, be honest before God. God already knows. He sees all the ugly details in our heart, doesn't he? He knows. He just wants you to be honest with yourself and with him. So ask him honestly, search me, Lord. Show me if there's any offensive way in me. Then, number two, as he shows you that, um, get it right with him. You know, get that right with him, whatever he shows you. And then two, if it has to do with a deep heart hurt, remember the words of a gossip are like choice morsels. They go down to a man's innermost part. So ask him to search you and show you is there something down deep inside that hasn't been dealt with because we're so good stuffing it, especially if it's towards somebody we love deeply, our husbands or our moms or something, because we also love them, so we convince ourselves that there's nothing there, you know, when there is. So be honest. Three, her which is stuffed, turns into anger, anger turns into bitterness, and bitterness turns into a bitter poison which will infect your whole household. Ephesians 4, 26 and 27 says, in your anger, do not sin. Now it does not say you can't be angry. God co God God created us to have emotions, and anger is one of them. It doesn't say you can't be angry, but listen to what it does say. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Because what happens is every time, every time that you go to sleep on that anger, right? The next morning you wake your wake up and you think, I'm not so mad at him anymore, right? You know, because I have to live with him every day or whoever it is, right? And so you convince yourself that you're not so angry anymore, and then you go to sleep on it again, and and it's just festering there, and what happens is the enemy uses it as a stronghold, just as this this verse says. And he'll shoot those fiery darts at you to just hurt that relationship with that person. You know, one time I was so mad at my husband, I can't even remember what for, but I was just like really mad at him. I'm like, ah, why does he do that? You know? So I remember I went out and I was sitting on the swing set in the backyard, and I'm just watching the sun go down, and I'm like, you know, no, actually, the sun was already down. It had set, but it was still sort of light, you know. So I'm like talking to the Lord, you know, Lord, the sun was already down, so I could hold on to my little anger for 24 hours, you know. Don't we like being angry sometimes? They deserve it, don't they? You know, and it feels good, right? So I'm like thinking, okay, I got like 23 and a half hours, and I can be angry at them until the sun goes down again, you know, until you read Psalms 4:4. In your anger, it says something like you have to look it up. It's like, in your anger, do not sin. When you are on your bed, search your heart. And verse 5 goes on and says, and offer right sacrifices to the Lord. So I'm like, okay, I just won't sleep tonight. I'll wait for the 23 hours and then you know what I mean? But you know what's really cool? If you learn this and you learn how to give it to the Lord, you won't even that's why I can't remember what I was mad at my husband for. But if you don't learn how to give it to the Lord in a tangible way, you're gonna remember. Don't you have that list? They did this in 1989, they did this in June of 1990. I mean, do you know somebody that's old and they have this whole bitterness list that they can just name off in 1962? He did this. Why? Because they didn't learn how to take their thoughts captive and make it obedient to Christ. And so they just are this, ugh. Anyhow. So, also Deuteronomy 29, 18, the second half says, make sure there is no root among you that produces such bitter poison. And so we need to be honest with ourselves, ladies. Number four says, in view of this, we must take every hurtful thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10, 3 through 5 says, For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And so we can demolish those strongholds that the enemy has in our life over the past hurts, and we can get set free by taking these thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. Now, how do you do that? Number five, spend some quiet time with the Lord and honestly ask him to search your heart and whatever he shows you, give it to him. And again, Psalms 139, 23, and 24, search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. And Proverbs 20, 27, the lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of the man, it searches out his inmost being. Allow, he already knows it's there, he's already shined that flashlight, but allow him to shine it and you're honest enough to look at it. You know? Allow him to shine that so that you can be set free. Now, number six says, write a letter to the Lord concerning all your hurts. No holding back. Even grab a box of tissues. Don't hold those tears back even. Let the tears go. I tell women all the time, if you start to cry, it's the Lord washing you. And so so many times we're like, no, I'm gonna stop them, you know, and then you're stifling the Holy Spirit. So let the tears come. Just take a box of Kleenex with you. Eventually you will stop crying. Some women are afraid they'll never stop if they start. You really will, you know, and um, and so anyhow, just take the Kleenex, take black paint blank paper, and uh write a letter to the Lord. No holding back. It's between you and the Lord only. You're not gonna send it to anybody like the psychologists say. It's just between you and the Lord, okay? Once you write the letter, offer it to the Lord as a burnt sacrifice and burn it in a fireplace. Watch the smoke rise to him. This is a tangible way to give your hurts to him. So many times I have women say, you know, I can't imagine I can't, you like it's like you're imagining putting all your stuff at the foot of the cross and then you're supposed to walk away, but it's not tangible. It's like you don't get to touch it, you don't get to see it. Well, as you write the letter, what's really amazing is you see it. Wow, I was a little bit more angry than I thought. Or that hurt me a little bit more than I thought. And it's just amazing what you see in that letter. And then as you give it to him, you can watch the smoke rise. One of my friends in Bulgaria, she um they don't have fireplaces, so she was lighting it in a pan. You know, she put it in the pan, lit on fire, and it went the flame, she said, went really big. She's on her balcony, it goes, you know, the balcony's pretty low, and she's like, Oh no, I'm gonna burn down the apartment building, you know. And right then she said the flame turned to smoke, and she watched it rise and she felt the Lord impress upon her heart. That is a fragrant offering that I accept. And you know what? She can remember that day. When the enemy tries to shoot those fiery darts and have her bring back all that hurt and pain and everything again, she remembers that day. She can say, No, I remember. I gave it to the Lord. It's over. And then Psalms 4, 4, and 5 says, In your anger, do not sin. When you are on your bed, search your heart and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord. And so I want to encourage you. You know, maybe you're just going, I don't know, I've held on to this so long, I don't want to let go. Trust him. Trust the Lord. He brought you here this weekend for a reason. He brought you to this workshop for a reason. If you're listening to this on the tape, he's having you hear it for a reason. Trust him. Let's pray. Dear Lord, we just thank you and praise you and give you the glory for all that you're doing in our lives. And Lord, I pray that you'll be with each woman here and each woman who would hear this tape. Lord, let her find that quiet time with you. Let her honestly say, Lord, search my heart, shine that flashlight on whatever it is that you don't like, whatever is offensive in me, and then give it to you completely. And so, Lord, I pray that each woman would be honest with herself, that she would find that quiet time, that she would just set at your feet, and that she would give it to you. She would watch that smoke rise and know that she has given it to you once and for all, and that she's no longer stuffing it down into her inmost being where the enemy will have a foothold. And so, Lord, I pray that you would be with her, that you would set her free completely. Lord, if it's a medical condition that somebody's struggling with, I pray, Lord, that they would go to an excellent doctor that really would run tests. So many times, because of insurance companies, they see you for two minutes and give you prescription. But Lord, I pray that you would um just slow that doctor down that day and that he would really listen to her and that he would run tests and find out if there's a medical condition such as mono or or thyroid or something like that that can be taken care of, Lord, to be to help her set her free. And Lord, if it's just a situation, Lord, um, where it's grieving, Lord, I pray that she would take time to grieve, that she would know it's okay to grieve, that you created us with these emotions, and it's okay to take that time in your presence so that we can give it all to you and then get up and move forward in life. And so, Lord, I also pray that there's an element of this that you just don't sprinkle down happiness on us and everything's fine and hunky dory. But Lord, there is an element of our free will that first you want us to step out. So for the woman who just can't get out of bed in the morning, I pray, Lord, that she would just pray to you and ask for your strength and that she would roll over and put her foot on the ground and that as she steps out of bed, that's when you strengthen her and meet her there, and that she'll be amazed. And so, Lord, I pray that you're just be with her, leader and guider, and we thank you and praise you in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you for listening to today's message on the Go in Peace Leaders podcast. I'm your host, Sheree Frizonke. If you would like a leak for the handout that was mentioned in today's message, visit GoInPeaceleader.com to find the companion show notes. Just scroll to the bottom of the webpage to find the blog post which will contain the link. I hope you enjoyed the message. If so, could you take a moment and rate it on your podcast app, subscribe to it, and share it with not just one friend, but two. May God richly bless you as you serve Him by ministering to the brokenhearted. Keep up the good work. And let's change the world together, discipling the brokenhearted. Amen. God bless.