Episode 211: The Helping Hand

There is no playbook for handling grief as it can come in many different forms. People say “time heals all” but again, is that really a true statement?

Vicki lost her husband, Sam back in 2019 and she never would have imagined the revelations she would have soon after. As time went on, she started to realize that we need to change the cultural conditioning and guilt associated with grief.

Is this possible? We’ll let Vicki do all the explaining! 

Tune in to episode 211 as Vicki recalls how a neurosurgeon’s story shifted her perspective, breaks down the creation of her book and much more! 

For more information about Vicki Paris Goodman:

Website: vickiparisgoodman.com

Purchase the Book: inspiredgrief.com/book

FREE Audio Episodes: inspiredgrief.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Now this was without a doubt one of those perspective shifting episodes. Vicky lost the love of her life, her husband Sam, in 2019. And while she'll be the first to tell you that she thought she was just gonna be riddled with all types of negative, sad emotions, it was almost the complete opposite of that. Being able to spend those last couple of years with Sam and the memories, and even beforehand, before they knew of the cancer, before they knew how detrimental it was, she will say it was certainly the time of her life. But that realization, that epiphany, if you will, that she had after his death is one to hear about. So much so that she wrote a book about it that she broke down into thirds, and you should definitely check that out. But with that, Vicky will be the first to tell you also that she does not like the cultural conditioning around death and how we just awfully things time and time again. So keep an open mind, keep an open perspective, and without further ado, enjoy episode 211, The Helping Hand.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

What's going on, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Down to Business Podcast here with Tamar Turner. First and foremost, I gotta give a big shout-out to Vicky One, just because you know she still joined me, even with everything that she kind of has going on on her end, and even with not necessarily feeling the best, but I'm sure today that's not gonna alter any parts of the interview. She's still on here to be very impactful, be a resource, and she already has something that she wants to give away to y'all. We're gonna wait till a little bit later because I know how much y'all love the freebies and stuff like that, but she already came on here in a giving and a cheerful mood. So I'm excited for that. But before we get into all things that Vicky has done, how you can tap in with her, where you can find her, and everything like that. Vicki, I know I kind of gave a preface as to how you are doing today, but I just for the viewers, for the audience, for everybody listening, how are you feeling today? How's everything on your end?

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Well, I've been better. I got back from a huge trip recently. It was so exciting. It was in the Mediterranean. And I came back really with my body having been stressed from the heat and flight delays and all that, and you know, so I'm a little headache and stuff, but I really am so excited about uh this interview that I think that's gonna take precedence and make it all go away at least temporarily.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

I love that. I love that. I love that you were able to travel there and make it back safely, and hopefully you really did enjoy yourself. But yes, I could imagine with the extraneous nature of just the Mediterranean, of just traveling in general, even when you're going domestically, it can be a lot, it can be exhausting and it can definitely take a toll on the body, sometimes later than what we realize. A lot of times I don't really necessarily feel all that until the next day, wishing that maybe I would have taken off work or taken some more time for myself. So I get you for that. But yeah, down in business, we're here to we're gonna up the ante a little bit, we're gonna push all that to the side, we're gonna have a great time. So before we get into all things, look, I know we're gonna have some people tapping in from your side, we're gonna have some people tapping in from our side, but we're also gonna have some newcomers along the way. And I love newcomers just because in some form or fashion they found out about us, they found out about the episode, about who you are, about who I am, and they wanted to tap in and find out some more. So to bring everybody up to speed, put everybody on the same page and playing field, can you just do two things for me? Can you, one, just tell us a little bit about yourself? And then two, tell us what brings you on the Down the Business Podcast today.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Absolutely. So my name is Vicky Paris Goodman, and I wrote a book called To Sam with Love: A Surviving Spouse's Story of Inspired Grief. So I was a mechanical engineer. I'm now retired. Um, and uh I did some other things on the side. I've played violin all my life, and in my new retirement town here in Arizona, I play in the Pops Symphony Orchestra. I learned since my husband passed away in 2019 that I can sing, and now I sing in public sometimes. It's been a real, real journey, I'll tell you, and we'll get into all of that. Uh, and I was also a theater reviewer on the side. While I was working as a mechanical engineer, I was a theater reviewer on weekends for over 20 years from a local paper in Long Beach, California. So that's where I attribute um my ability to write a book uh from all the experience I have writing those theater reviews. So yeah, I really honed my writing skills that way. So what brings me onto your show, Tamar, is that after my husband Sam passed from cancer in 2019, and we we had two years from diagnosis until his passing. So, you know, that was um a difficult two years, but not as difficult as you might think because he did so well for a year and a half of it, you couldn't even tell he was sick. Uh, that's how well he did on treatment. And so, you know, we were very blessed in that respect. So after he passed in July of 2019, it's been, oh, today is the fifth anniversary. I didn't even realize that. July 30th. So after he passed, I expected to be kind of lost for a while, even though I'm pretty much a survivor type. I, you know, Sam was the love of my life, and I expected to grieve pretty hard. But it didn't happen that way. On the very day he passed, I was flooded with optimism. It was like a helping hand was coming from somewhere outside myself to guide me. It was, it was so soon, just a few hours after he passed, that it was unseemly. And my first instinct was to push these blessings away. But I thought, you know, I was so strong during our two-year ordeal, and I took such good care of Sam at the end when he needed taken care of that maybe if good things want to come my way, even on the day he passed, maybe I should let them. It turned out to be a wonderful decision because the next two years of my life, up to the time I decided to write my book to Sam with Love, were really inspired in terms of serendipitous events happening. You know, I would get signs of things, you know. I can I can talk about a couple of those. Opportunities started coming my way, like the chance to sing and finding out I could. Um, and uh, you know, opportunities to travel to exotic places that maybe I couldn't have traveled to with Sam. You know, I went to Antarctica. He didn't like cold weather vacations, you know. So um it was kind of a chance to make things up afterwards. But the main thing that happened, and the reason I'm here is because I was blessed with insights at a pretty fast and furious pace, you know, much more so than I think we all get moments of clarity in in our lives, but they're not real frequent. Um, you know, it's like, you know, maybe once a year, once every couple of years, you know, light goes on and you think, oh, wow. And it's almost life-changing when that happens. Well, I was being blessed with those insights pretty frequently during that first two years after Sam passed. Um what prompted all of this is after he passed, I had access to the hospice chaplain. Um, Sam was on hospice, and uh there was a chaplain from that hospice who was available to me about once a month for a whole year after he passed. And I I started asking a lot of questions about the afterlife. Now, what's stunning about this story of mine is that I was raised in a very secular family. And even though I had begun to believe in a higher power, even while Sam was still alive, I hadn't taken that very far. It remained a very rudimentary belief at that point. But now that he was gone and I wanted to know more about the afterlife and about God, and I wanted, I needed increased faith. I started asking the hospice chaplain about the afterlife, and she recommended the story of a secular neurosurgeon who had had a massive brain infection, had been in a coma for seven days, was being taken care of in the hospital by his colleagues who couldn't get the infection under control, but he had this near-death experience while he was in this seven-day coma. And it made him a believer. And the the stunning part of his story is that it was so divinely inspired. He had no way of contracting this infection, he didn't have a wound of the necessary kind. Um, and they couldn't get the infection under control, so there was no way he was going to survive this, especially with his brain intact. Um, he would be a vegetable, according to his colleagues. And according to him, when he came back miraculously from all of this and looked at his charts, and he said, How in the world did I survive this? This was this was all about God. And remember, he was a secularist leading up to this story. So I read his story and I connected with it to such a degree that it brought me the rest of the way to believing in God and an afterlife. So one of the probably the most stunning of the insights with which I was blessed, and this came to me after I published the book. So it's included in some audio episodes that I will uh uh offer to you at the end here. But I'll give you a clue about it. I asked the question is death really tragic? And the reason that came to me was because I thought, okay, if if there's a loving God and a beautiful beyond words, exquisite afterlife, and if God has a plan for each one of us, and obviously that plan includes, in the case of a married couple, I mean, unless they both die in a plane crash or an auto accident or something, they're not going to die at the same time. In fact, I don't even use the word die. I say pass because I don't believe the soul dies, only the body and the brain along with it. So so if so it's in God's plan in almost every case that one spouse is going to pass before another. And that means that God has a plan for the surviving spouse to learn more, to experience more, maybe even to teach others. And then they will join their spouse in the afterlife at some later date. So there's this cultural conditioning that tells us to awhilize death and loss and other adversity. Yet if it's all in God's plan, we're meant to learn from these things. And those lessons are stunning. And if you don't buck them, if you don't avoid them, but if you actually remember that in everything bad that happens to you, whether it be a bad hair day to your house burning down or you losing the love of your life, there's a lesson in it. And we may as well learn the lesson, or God's gonna keep trying to teach us that lesson. So these are the types of insights with which I was blessed. And one of the reasons, the main reason I want to get this message out there to the world, is because the cultural conditioning that tells us to awfully these things, I believe is so wrong. And people grieve so hard and so long, and there's so much guilt involved as well that prevents them from moving on, maybe when they otherwise would have would have begun that next chapter of life, which can be so exciting earlier. But they say, Oh, it feels like it's too soon. You know, it's I feel guilty. I gotta tell you, one of the one of the things I inferred from reading the story of the neurosurgeon was um here I am having a senior moment because I'm not feeling well. So I'm forgetting what I was going to say. Um well anyway, I'll I'll think of it later. But but that that should give you in a nutshell why I'm here. I want to help other people. Oh, I remember. So if if all of these things that I've said are true, and I believe strongly that they are, then one of the things I inferred from all this was that souls in the afterlife do not experience negative emotions. They're surrounded by a love, according to the neurosurgeon, and many, many other near-death experiences. A love so powerful that we can't even imagine it here on earth. So if that's the case, souls in the afterlife are surrounded by this love and they can't possibly experience negative emotions like anger and jealousy. They're perfected there, they're at one with God, they know everything. So these are snippets of the of the insights that have become a movement to get people to experience loss um and other adversity in a much less terrible, painful way.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

And that's, you know, well, first and foremost, my my condolences to that as someone who um this a lot of what you were saying just resonated with me almost because I felt like I was kind of going on the journey too, and thinking about uh when I lost my mother back in 2011, and just thinking about the the rate at which I felt like I bounced back from that as someone who was a mama's boy, as someone who was something unexpected, as someone that was, you know, just not you leave for school one way and thinking one thing, and then you come home, and there's a totally different story to tell. So for me, it was just like, you know, I but I remember getting a call from my school, and one of the first things I wanted to do was just get back. You know, my thoughts were just consuming me, and there was just a lot happening and going on that it was tough to just deal with that. And then I wasn't home, I was at my grandparents' house, so waking up somewhere that I was familiar with, but not but unfamiliar in the sense that this is not where I lived every day. So it was just one of those things and just not having people around me, and just my my mind is already racing a million thoughts a minute. So to really now have that event with it, and then having my little brother there and other family, it was just a lot. And so, you know, whereas a lot of times I was just hearing a lot of people talk about grief and talk about time healing all and just everything kind of being thrown at me as a 15-year-old sophomore. And it was just, I didn't really know what to do, where to go. All I knew was that I wanted to get back to school and play football, and that's all I was, you know, I was just focused on just trying to take my mind off of things. And I think that was when I started to realize that my coping mechanisms weren't the best, and that whereas I was not really, I'm not really the person to talk about emotions, I'd much rather kind of just hear what you have going on, give advice, speak to that, and go from there. And sometimes it can be kind of contradictory because I don't always practice what I preach just the same. But it was just kind of I learned that through that isolation period, what I really needed, what I really didn't have, how I, you know, lost the person who I confided in, who I told everything to, and who uh who was just there for me. So a lot of times, whereas I knew I had a support system around me, I knew I had people who wanted to be there for me, I kind of shied away from that because it just wasn't what I was used to. And it was just hard to kind of crack open that shell that had just kind of formed now. So to hear everything that you're saying, just about you know, just the guilt and just about how everything is processed at a different rate and but and differently depending on you know who it is in your life, that relationship that y'all had, how the loss came about. Some losses are unexpected. Some, as you said, you know, you knew that things were not going the way that they were supposed to, but as you also said, too, for a year and a half, you couldn't even tell that Sam was ill or that something was wrong, or that you know, he was kind of just living his life as if as if it was golden in a sense. So it's also just a lot of different factors and things that go into it that now I'm starting to realize, even as the older me now, even as you know, 13 years, 14 years later, just being able to see some of the things that I thought to be true or that were kind of I kind of just took as at face value, but not really having gone through that experience myself and not really having sat down, had those conversations, my my faith strengthened, but it weakened first. And it was just it was very tough for that. You know, there was a lot of doubts, there were a lot of questions, there were just a lot of confusion and misunderstanding that if I really, you know, if I'm true to the person who I am, if I'm true to my faith, if I'm true to how I was raised, then I can bounce back from this, or I can just recognize that some things may not come with an explanation per se, or some things may not always make sense to me. And that was just me kind of wanting to be in control. So to hear a lot of what you're saying and to really just hear those emotions, to hear what you were going through, what you were thinking, like that was just that's that's just amazing. I love that transparency too. And I want to share this message from DeAndre just the same, but I I want to also kind of piggyback that message to you just because you know, transparency is not the easiest thing to do. It's not easy to make yourself vulnerable, it's not easy to kind of talk about those moments that weren't the happiest, those days that weren't the brightest per se. But I am a firm believer in that, you know, with every storm, there's a rainbow that comes after. Even yesterday, you know, I had an interview here and I was just so mad, I was looking at the clock and my meeting just kept running later and later and later. And I was like, I know it's about to rain. Like I live in Florida, it feels like it can be sunny here one minute, and then eight minutes later, it'll just look like the craziest thing happened. And so I'm just looking like, wow, I'm I'm I'm gonna have to drive home in this rainstorm. And sure enough, as soon as I got everything packed up and went outside, there was a big rainbow in the sky. So, you know, I'm a firm believer in that, you know, with tough times don't last, tough people do. So I have to really just commend that because that's a lot. And then it's why I like this message so much is just because not only have you realized what you've gone through, what you've learned from it, your your even your self-reflection and that introspection that you had, but you now then want to get that message and spread that out to others. And I think that is solely the most important thing because it's so many times we can learn these things or we can exhibit and inhibit these skills and just have these things and these resources around us, and we just kind of keep it to us. And I'm not necessarily saying that it's a bad thing, it's not necessarily saying, you know, I I take the term gatekeeping with a with a with a grain of salt because it just depends. But I am a I am a firm supporter and just firm believer. And you know, whenever you want to push that onto others, whenever you want to be a resource and be a light to others, it's the biggest blessing in the world, you know. So it's just amazing to see everything that you're doing. It's amazing to see that, you know, your traumatic event that you had to go through and everything that you thought and how you felt, you know, you just had that adversity and that resilience already built in you. So to now translate that to others and to now put it in a book and to now have these insights and these introspections, man, it's it's amazing. I'm very excited to really hear that audio because even along the lines and along the track that you were going, I'm like, okay, I'm liking this, it's it's coming together, it's making sense. So I appreciate you for that. So now, something that I think about with as you spoke about your background from the theater reviewer to mechanical engineer, and it seems like you did a little bit of everything out there. Now, with with reviewing the theater and with everything that you were doing in that regard, was a book, how did the book kind of come about? You know, I know that you were used to just writing, and I know that that was it was something that kind of came to you, but theater reviewing and writing a book, those are two different things. You know, some people are published authors and have probably never reviewed a piece of theater or literature in that regard. And some people are probably A1 and expert theater reviewers, but probably would never write a book. So how did that how did that really develop? Was it partially the experience too of losing Sam and everything that you had to go through with that, that you just felt like there was a lot of just thoughts and things that you wanted to put out there? What really, what really sparked the foundation for that process?

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Yeah, well, as I said before, all of what I experienced during the two years after Sam passed was unexpected. And, you know, I'd love to believe, you know, it all came from within me. You talk about it being introspection, and I am pretty self-aware, but I don't for one minute believe that these insights uh came from within me. I believe strongly that that helping hand, which I now knew was God, uh was employing me in a sense, uh, was giving me a new purpose in life. Um, not only is it stunning that I was raised secular and wound up here, but it's also true, and unlike you, I've always been an open book. You know, I'm kind of self deprecating. I'm certainly far from perfect. And so, you know, I like to make fun of my own personality flaws, like my impatience, for example. Um, and one of the Things that I have to admit was true of me is that I've never been the helping type. You know, I've always kind of marveled at people who um volunteer in the community to just kind of perform selfless acts for others. Uh and, you know, I've never been able to relate to that. You know, call it self-involvement. I don't know what it is in me, but I've just never really been able to relate to that strongly. Well, I think now with this movement and this message, because I'm retired, I don't have to be doing this. It's it's almost become a full-time job tomorrow. But I feel so strongly that it can help others. Wow, help others. I finally found a way to do it that I'm comfortable with, that I that I feel is is aligned with with me and who I am. And so it's a blessing, it's a gift from God that I now have such a purpose. So I don't have to feel anymore the way I felt most of my life, like I'm kind of selfish and you know, just not the the helping type. And so here I am getting this message out there. And uh I wrote the book because after two years of the insights and revelations and opportunities that I felt motivated to embrace, I really thought the story could help others. And now I believe that more than ever. And the reason I did the audio episodes, which we'll talk about later, is because, as I said, some of the best insights came to me after I published the book. And I thought, oh no, what do I do with these? Well, I created this private podcast audio series so that that could get out there too. And I think the two combined really sum up all of what this movement has to offer. You know, I think that people buy into this cultural conditioning to awful lize death to such an extent that what I've noticed is when I talk to one of my Christian friends, for example, someone who, you know, without a doubt, has a strong faith in God, and I tell them about, you know, the the insight I had about, you know, why do why is why does death have to be tragic? And they nod knowingly. Yet these are the same people who if they lose someone, they grieve hard. Or if someone they know loses someone, they they're so sad for them. And they say, I'm so sorry for your loss. And what I'm trying to do with this movement and this message is to undo the cultural conditioning so that we begin to connect the dots as to the reality of losing someone and tying it together with the fact that they're going to this wonderful, exquisite place to be with God, and that we will join them there later, and that we have more work to do until we join them. What is awful about any of that? You know, you can even consider that maybe passing sooner than later is a good thing, is a gift from God. You know, if it takes you to a place that's so stunning and wonderful, and I have no doubt that it is, because you can read countless near-death experiences, and you know, they have a lot in common. And they have some things that are different too. And from the neurosurgeon's story, I uh I have some ideas as to why they they differ, but that's kind of a side side note. So, you know, I'm I at this point I strongly believe we need not awhalize these occurrences in life. We need not grieve so hard. We can move into the next chapter of life with excitement and enthusiasm, while knowing that our loved one's soul is still around and we will join them there later. I think it's all good news.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

I even think about too the connotation about uh funerals that has kind of changed for me over the years. You know, growing up, it was more so a thing of like uh that was a funeral. You know, it was very sad, it was very just um melancholy, it was it was very just yeah, mood dampening in a sense. But nowadays it's really like uh we we even call them like homecomings or homegoing celebrations, or like, you know, you're being called back home or you're being called where you truly belong. And as you said too, I like the point that you made about, you know, sooner than later, sometimes we always say like the the good die young or gone too soon or everything like that. And you know, it's important to think about that because, like you said, there could be a thing of that there's still more work left to be done, or we're still here for a reason because there's a purpose that we're not understanding, or we're not, you know, there have been near life or death experiences where two people have been in the same situation, but only one person passed as a result of that, or vice versa, you know, or so or the person to kind of now tell the story or still be alive to speak about it may be misunderstood or may be confused as to how, like, why didn't I go with that person? And oftentimes we don't think about it from the bigger picture or from a deeper meaning or from a deeper message. And I feel like the the when we start to because as you spoke to too, sometimes it's not always that introspection or that self-reflection, sometimes it comes from around us, and sometimes we are being sent so many signs, so many signals, there are things around us, blessings, everything that sometimes it can be second nature, and you not even realize it, it can be inadvertent that you're missing it, and sometimes it can be smacked dab in your face, and and you may not be receiving, or you may not have stepped into it, or you really may not even be there to be able to receive. You may not be there spiritually, you may not be there mentally, you may not be there physically to be able to get that because God is never gonna put something on you that you're not ready for, or God is never gonna put you into a situation that you can't step in to receive. And I think we also too have to think about what we're praying for, what we're being intentional about, what we're manifesting, what we're thinking about too, because oftentimes we pray for these things or we speak on these things or we want these things, and we're on the way to get it, or we can get it, or we can obtain it in some way, and we may miss it. We may block a blessing, as people say, or things along that line. So, something that I think about with what it is that you do and really the the conceptualization of death, as we said, how we authalize it and how it's just you know, it always just comes with the sadness, the the madness, the confusion, and everything like that. For what you do, for the message that you're getting out there, have you found it, have you found it to be difficult with what the with the stereotype and with the what I guess the umbrella is around death? You know, because for me, as I said, growing up, it was always it's always taught as something bad. It's always taught as something that you don't want to do, you don't want to go there, cemeteries, graveyards, funerals, uh, caskets, everything like that. It's never anything positive around that. So for the message that you're trying to get out there, even too from a spiritual perspective, do you find that people have the hard time receiving it? Do you find that it's combated more so just because of the mindset and what's been ingrained in us as we as we've kind of grown up and what we've learned?

SPEAKER_00 29:32

Absolutely. One of the things I say in one of the audio episodes is that we don't talk about death. In fact, I think I start out the first one. Uh, we don't talk about death in our culture. Um, and especially young people, you know, they don't see a reason to talk about it or think about it. And that's understandable. But given the emotion behind it and this cultural conditioning, I think we need to talk about it. Um, and we need to see it in a whole new light. That's my message. You know, I want to go back to something you said, you know, about that common uh saying that only the good die young. And I hadn't thought of that before, and I'm glad you said it because it really does kind of go along with this idea that maybe death is even a good thing. In other words, maybe uh we believe that the good die young. Maybe that's not just sort of a false perception. Maybe it really tends to happen that way, and maybe it's because God is rewarding those who are good with an earlier transfer to be with him. You know, life on earth is hard. We work hard, we go through a lot. I don't know anyone who hasn't suffered adversity, and sometimes it's very painful, and sometimes it lasts a long time, and sometimes these lessons are very uh hard-learned. And that's life, you know, on this earth. And I won't say that I want to pass to the afterlife today if I could choose to, because you know, I still have things I want to do while I'm here, you know. But one thing about my newfound belief in God and an afterlife is that I no longer fear death. And I know a lot of people who have strong faith say the same thing that they don't fear death. They don't necessarily want to go anytime soon, but they don't fear it because they know where they're going. And so all of these things are really grist for the mill, you know, food for thought, you know, a couple of cliches I threw out there. But we should be thinking about these things in another way. And the cultural conditioning to ophalize them is so strong. So, yes, I'm having a little bit of trouble getting the message out there in a way that satisfies me, that convinces me that people are really getting it. Am I a good writer? Yes. Am I a decent communicator? Yes. But the cultural conditioning is strong. And people don't like to talk about death, they don't like to think about it. And all of these things come together to put sort of a wall in front of my efforts here. But look at me, I've I've been on this mission of doing podcast interviews for over six months now, and I'm still going strong because I want to give it my all until I can't do any more. And I love having that commitment, a commitment to help others if I possibly can.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

That's a strong commitment, and it's not the easy, it's definitely an easier said than done type of thing. And to stay consistent with it, I think that's the big thing too. Because, you know, oftentimes as you as your impact grows, so does the the yearn for it, or so does the in a sense, sometimes even demand for it. When people know that you're changing lives, when people get testimonials about that, when people get maybe word of mouth or friend of a friend or anything like that, then they want that. And you know, and it almost too, in a sense, becomes a responsibility. And as you said, you know, even with being retired, this feels like a job at some point. You know, you you have a duty in a sense, a duty to serve and to to help and to impact. And it goes beyond just now what you kind of started and the foundation that you built. It's a bigger picture because you know, there are probably people who you'll never meet, you'll never physically talk to that have been impacted by your work, have been impacted by your messages, have been impacted by what you're doing and what you're putting out there. And I think that that really just goes to show how transcending things can be. But when it's something that you really want to do, when you derive the joy and the happiness, and even as I even hear the peace from it that you do, because you know, this is not something that is stressing you out, this is not something that you're ready to rip your hair out about, this is not something that you're just ready to throw it all up and just give up. You know, it's a place of peace. I see you smile and I see even with you being under the weather, I may not have necessarily felt 110% today. You got on here and instantly the aura just changed. And I love to see that. But I'm also very, you know, it warms my heart to know that there were people that were impacted too as a result of this, and there are people that are still being impacted, and there are people that, you know, may have felt like there was no way out, may have felt like they had nobody to turn to, or nobody who could resonate, or maybe they felt like their feelings weren't validated, or maybe they did feel that guilt. They did, and guilt and grief mixed together, man, that's a deadly combination, you know, and especially with sometimes, as I said, the nature of the loss, who it is, who that relationship with that person, you know, a spouse, a parent, a sibling, pets, anything, you know, it it it all hits very differently. And at times, you know, whereas we process, I tell people all the time, you take all the time you need to heal. You, you know, I was a big believer back then when I kept being told time heals all that okay, one day I'm just gonna wake up and I'm gonna be okay. Like I'm just gonna be good. This is gonna be maybe water under the bridge. But then I realized, hey, that's my mom. Like this could never just be an afterthought or just something that, you know, I just go by the wayside. But have things gotten more manageable? Absolutely. Do I now feel 13 years later that I'm I'm in a better space and a better place? Absolutely. You know, back then, if I think about the back then, my mindset then and what I wanted to do and how it was just always on my mind and everything, and some of the first holidays and celebrations, it was a lot with that. But to now, you know, have being able to resonate with people, have being able to even talk to other people about their loss and be there for them and have that impact that helps you too. You know, I didn't really realize sometimes the conversations that I needed just from helping others, you know, the advice and even and talking to God and the prayer and just everything like that, it was touching me too. And that's another reason why I speak to these signs and sometimes these people or these blessings that are around you that are being bestowed upon you, and they're not necessarily you because of you. I was getting blessings and I was getting, you know, prayer through others, and I was getting, you know, while whereas I'm thinking I'm giving you advice, when I really took a step back, I'm like, oh, that that can apply to me too. Or I can, you know, I needed to hear that sound just the same. So it's amazing to see that. Okay, so with as we think about, you know, there are going to be people who are coming along this journey now with us meeting you pretty much at the podcast part, you know, meeting you after the book, after the audios, after the insights, and everything like that. Do you feel like as we continue to move forward, even as we think about the rest of this year, the rest of your impactful career, the rest of what you're really looking to do, is there anything next per se on the journey? Is there anything that you kind of want to do? And obviously, you know, we don't want to spoil any surprises or debut anything that hasn't been uncovered yet or unseen. So definitely don't do that. But I always like to give my followers just kind of some insight or some, even sometimes in the eager approach. Because as I said, there are going to be people coming from the down-to-business side, there are going to be people coming from the Vicky Paris Goodman side, but there are going to be people who know neither one of us or anything, but are here for the journey now. You may have even touched something with them. They may even be dealing with a loss of their own. So is there anything that as we continue to dive, as we continue to move forward, that you're looking to do, that you're looking to kind of get into or debut?

SPEAKER_00 37:27

Well, I do have another book in the works, but it's on a completely different topic. Um, you know, I have to say that, you know, as insights come to me, I've found things to do with them, like the audio episodes that came to me after I published the book. So, no, I think I think I'm kind of caught up for the time being. But I do, I would like to tell you a little about my book, because you know, the the assumption is that it's a tough book to read because it's sad, you know. It's not. Everyone who I know who's read it has said, oh my God, it was even funny in places, and it's so uplifting and positive. And the middle third, the middle third of it is devoted to um Sam's diagnosis, treatment, and eventual passing. So I guess that's the most sober part of the book, but even that is not depressing because I talk so much about the wonderful things we did while he was sick, but not really manifesting symptoms, and he was able to continue, you know, his life and some interesting things that happened uh with his treatment and some traveling we did. And I just put it all together in such a way that there is no part of this book that is depressing at all. And there are some really funny parts because, as I said, I tend to be self-deprecating when I talk about my own life. And one of the things I did with the th the first third of the book is I decided to devote that to telling the reader about Sam's life and a little of my own and our time together. Well, Sam was a near-perfect person. He wasn't perfect, but he was near perfect. He was one of those philosophically and morally very disciplined people. And here I am, you know, making these mistakes with my impatience and, you know, other personality flaws. And, you know, I decided to turn them into funny stories. But the whole purpose behind that first third of the book, as entertaining as it is, and I've been told it's wildly entertaining, a page turner, in fact, the whole book, uh, which was very gratifying. But the whole purpose behind that first third was to let people know who we are, and especially who Sam was, so that when he passes toward the end of the second third of the book, it would have the most impact. And then the latter third of the book is all the inspired things that happened for me unexpectedly after Sam passed. And you know, when you take it as a whole, it's it's um there are lessons to be learned. And I think anyone, whether they're they're facing a loss or not, um, I think these lessons apply to any adversity in life, and we all suffer adversity, as we said before. I mean, there's nobody who avoids it. So I think the book is really universally uh applicable, it's entertaining. Uh, I've been told by many people that it was a page turner, they couldn't put it down. Imagine how gratifying that was. And so, you know, um I'm just really happy to be putting it out there.

SPEAKER_02 40:59

And for those interested, where can we where can we find the book?

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Oh, okay. So the book is discounted. This is the best pricing currently available for it, is at my domain, inspiredgrief.com forward slash book. And there it is discounted. So go there to buy the book. And um the audio episodes, which are about 12 to 15 minutes each, they're three of them, and they're they're not very uh so they're they're short, takes all the 45 minutes to listen to all three of them, but they're full of kind of an expanded view of some of the insights that we've talked about in this interview tomorrow. Uh, and I would really encourage uh you to go and and subscribe to that audio series. It's free of charge. All you have to do is go to inspiredgrief.com, put in your first name and email address, and you'll get the audio episodes. Do it now so you don't forget um you will love them. So that's that. And I also have a website, Vicky ParisGoodman.com, where I have some blog articles that are uh also insightful and entertaining. So, you know, that's that's it. And then my next book, I'll just tell you a little bit about it. Um it's it's called Speed Bumps and Other Impediments to Life in the Fast Lane. It's about the trials and tribulations of life as a type A personality. And what I really like about it is I again, I I love making fun of myself. So it's pretty self-deprecating in parts, just to give you an idea. Um, what my favorite chapter so far is called Road Rage 101. It's pretty funny. Um, and so you know, I'm having fun with that one. But what I like about it, and uh I'm hoping to get it published pretty soon. I still have yet to finish it. What I really like about it is that I think it's great for other type A's to kind of read about themselves and know they're not alone. And I really think it's great for type B personalities who have type A's in their lives, because type Bs do not understand type A's. And they just do not see why they're so wrought up, so impatient, so driven. You know, I'm people think I'm from New York City, but I was born in Los Angeles and lived there the first 61 years of my life, but I was never comfortable there because people from Los Angeles are really laid back. And I everybody would always tell me, Vicki, chill out. We oh, I felt like I wanted to deck them. I mean, I don't want to chill out. Gosh, recognize a sense of urgency for. God's sake. Okay. So, you know, that's kind of me. So everybody thought I was from New York. And my dad and Sam were both from New York, actually. So I get along with New Yorkers. But um yeah, so the book is going to be a lot of fun. And I can't wait to publish it.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

I love that. And maybe that's why this was so effortless today. I was born in the Bronx. So uh Philadelphia. So yeah, so I'm I'm pretty familiar with the north and where it comes from, despite being in Tampa now. I definitely do um I have heard that connotation about LA. I've never been to Cali, but just in my family members and just in knowing the people out there, just what you see and what you hear, I believe it 100%. And that's the East and the West Coast, those are two different sides of life. But I love that play on words with the book, and I'm very excited to see that come to fruition and come to life. So we'll definitely have to do a follow-up too when that time comes. Now, before we close out, before I have you kind of do what you did again, so I always like to end the episodes with a call to action. The call to action for me is always letting people know where they can find you. So I'm gonna have you do that once more just so that they can't say we didn't give it to them from the website and everything like that. But before we do that, do you feel like there is anything that we have not touched on today that you want to leave the people with? Any last words for people out there dealing with their own form of fashion when it comes to life, any aspiring authors, any business owners, entrepreneurs, anybody, just as we said, just going through life, type A, type B, anybody of the sort? Anything that you want to add?

SPEAKER_00 45:22

I do have some tips for people. Um, remember when you said that when you lost your mom, I think it was you said 13 years ago, and uh and you just, you know, kind of buried yourself in your football, and you you said you acknowledge that that probably wasn't the best way to handle things. Well, when you lose someone, uh people will tell you, just keep yourself as busy as possible so you don't have time to think or feel. I knew instinctively that that was, however well-intended that advice was, that it was bad advice. I just knew it instinctively. What I did instead was I created a balance between all these new fun things I was doing, the singing, you know, I went back and rejoined the orchestra I'd played in until we got Sam's diagnosis. Um, you know, I started traveling to exotic places, you know, whatever I could think of to do that just felt right. And um, but I didn't keep myself so busy that I had no time to think or feel. I made sure I had a that I balanced it with alone time, whether that was just, I don't know, taking a walk, a hike, sitting and thinking, uh, reading a book, just basic quiet time. Because even though I now know that you don't need to grieve so hard for someone having passed before you because they're still around and there's so much good news surrounding this, the real grief, I believe, should be devoted to what's happened to your life. I mean, if you lose the person you were living with, the love of your life, your spouse, for example, life is gonna undergo big changes. Is it and as human beings, we are uh, you know, we kind of fear the unknown and uncertainty. And that requires processing. So the alone time or the quiet time should be spent processing that because there's no getting around it. And that balance between activity, exciting new things, and the processing of what had happened to my life when Sam passed, it really served to move to allow me to move forward pretty happily, even from the start. I mean, was I in shock? Yes. Um, but I but the balance really was the path forward for me. And it worked so well until COVID uh came a few months later, and suddenly I was spending way too much time alone. And I suffered during the next year uh three 10-day depressions, which were so severe. I mean, I I've never suffered a depression, but I knew that the anxiety over COVID, all of that time spent by myself was just too much to me for me to endure just a few months after losing Sam. So there were these, you know, 10, precisely 10 days each of them. It's kind of weird. And I would just sit in my living room looking out the window, you know, uh for 10 days, and then it would kind of pass. And so I the balance that I had achieved between activity and quiet time really was put to the test then. So I, you know, I knew it worked, and I it kind of a long-winded uh tip, but I I really strongly suggest that people establish that balance. It's okay to start doing fun things as early as you feel you want to. Souls in the afterlife are not angry or jealous, and there's no reason to experience any guilt. Um, and the other thing I would I the other things I would uh suggest is for people to be open to guidance. If it was available to me, it must surely be available to others. Be open to it and let yourself be led. I'm a I'm a control freak among control freaks, but somehow, and again, this was the helping hand at work. I let myself be led, and it was the best thing I could have done. And be open to opportunities that come your way. It's never too soon. If you feel like like trying something new, do it. So those are my tips for for people facing these uh uh adverse circumstances.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

Well said, most definitely, and even things that I could I could take in my own, but also too, just in that self-reflection and wanting to be more self-aware as I've grown up, things that I've just learned. And and those, you know, it's not always the easiest thing to come to terms with and to to realize and to um call yourself out about. But in the end, similar to you, I don't mind talking about myself, or I recognize that you know I'm not perfect, or I always kind of joke when people say, Don't judge me. And I'm just like, you know, for me to judge you, it would it would make the assumption that I'm perfect, and Lord knows I'm I'm I'm pretty far from that. So no, really to um, really just to hear about everything, really just to to one, to read your bio is one thing, to go to the website is another thing, but to really sit down and chat with you virtually is a totally different experience. And I I'm really just grateful for it. One, just because it was a conversation I didn't know that I needed to hear and to have myself. So I just thank you for that, and I appreciate that. And I am glad that we we continued with the interview for sure. And I'm I'm I'm definitely excited to get this one out to everyone else. But no, I'm I'm also just very excited, obviously, to know that the impact is is still happening, that behind the scenes you're always working, you're always thinking, and you're always moving and grooving, but you're living life unapologetically and as you absolutely should be. So I love to hear that. Now, before we end, I know we kind of shared it a little bit ago, but I just want to make sure that we're clear and concise and nobody makes any excuses as to why they couldn't find you or see the website or get the audios or anything like that. When it comes to tapping in with you, when it comes to trying to find you, go to the website, the book, and everything like that. Can you just give us everything you got? Blessed places to reach you across the board?

SPEAKER_00 51:36

Yes. Okay, so the website where you'll find some great blog articles is Vicky ParisGoodman.com. Vicky V-I-C-K-I, Paris Like the city in France, goodman.com. And then um discounted book, the best pricing available currently uh for to Sam with Love, a surviving spouses story of inspired grief. Really uplifting read. Uh, that's at inspiredgrief.com forward slash book. And finally, subscribe to the audio episodes. Do it now so you don't forget, they're free. That's inspiredgrief.com.

SPEAKER_02 52:16

Amazing. Well, Vicky, thank you so much for everything. As we said, from the down the business side, from my side, we're we're here to support, we're here to follow along the journey. We're here for the the publishing the debut of speed bumps when that happens. Um I'm very excited for that one. It's somebody who had to shake off some some some northern road rage myself when I got down here. So I could probably use that chapter myself. But no, I it is just as I spoke to it's it's really just amazing just to hear everything, hear the impact, hear how you get up every day and just your mantra to serve, mantra to help, mantra to just be there, be a resource, but also to who you are, to to see the faith that was tested, to see the faith that strengthened as a result and to really see it now being put into work day in and day out. So I thank you so much for taking this time with me. I I really do encourage everybody, whether you join live, whether you're listening to this at a later date, to just tap in, to be encouraged, to know that you know you're not alone. Everybody is dealing with something in some capacity, and you never know what could really help you or what could really resonate with you. And as we said, it's okay to have to sit down and to deal with things. It's okay to take those moments for yourself. It's okay to have that self-reflection. But it's also important to be aware of what's around you, to be aware a lot of times of our surroundings and who we have in our life, of the conversations that we're having, of are we seeing things, are we thinking about things, what we're praying for, and what we're manifesting. I think all of that goes into it just the same. But to everybody, man, who continuously joins, who continuously taps in from the messages, from the Facebook Live to the LinkedIn Live to the YouTube live, we've been experimenting with some things and it's been so positive so far. I thank y'all. I love y'all. This has been another episode of the Down to Business Podcast here with Tamar Turner.

SPEAKER_01 53:57

Okay.