Single, Not Stuck

What if single life isn’t a hallway to hurry through but a room filled with purpose, joy, and power? We open up about the quiet lies many Christians absorb—like “you’re just waiting” or “now is your time to live for yourself”—and replace them with a richer, biblical vision. Drawing from 1 Corinthians 7, Psalms, and lived experience, we reframe singleness and marriage as equal gifts from God, each with its own beauty and responsibility.

We get practical about contentment, not as a vague vibe but as a concrete way of life: delighting in God, making a clear-hearted decision to trust Him, and discovering that Christ is enough even while we long for good things. You’ll hear how to resist entitlement, why “marriage will fix me” is a myth, and simple rhythms for enjoying God right now—from unhurried Bible “dates” with coffee and worship to everyday choices that put the Giver above the gifts. We also talk mission: the unique time and capacity singles carry to host, disciple, build community, and pursue the lost without apology.

A deeply personal story of grief asks the hardest question—if marriage never comes, is God still good?—and shows how the cross anchors a fierce yes. Finally, we zoom out: marriage is a signpost pointing to a greater union with Christ, where pleasure lasts and tears end. When you see the destination, you stop worshiping the sign. Walk away with fresh courage to hold desire with open hands, live fully present, and seek first the kingdom.

If this conversation encouraged or challenged you, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find it. What truth about singleness do you want to practice this week?

Transcript

Welcome And Topic Overview

SPEAKER_05 0:00

If this is your first time at Summit, welcome. We're super glad to have you here. And yeah, you're catching us at a great time because we are talking about something that everybody loves to talk about, which is being single. Anyone love that? Let's go. Yeah, it's a little bit, you know, tongue in cheek, bittersweet, but we're hoping that after today's conversation, um, you know, you guys will have a clearer picture of, you know, what singleness is and really the gift that it is. And, you know, we hope that as we look into scripture, we'll know uh for sure how God feels about it and how he calls us to live in the midst of that. Um, but yeah, I wanted to welcome up my fellow panelists here. We got Brian and Emma. Say what up, you guys. Yeah. Love this. Also, if you guys feel like you need to like a little bit of a little close together, we're pretty close here.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

It took an act of Congress to get me on here.

SPEAKER_05 1:04

Sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Too short.

SPEAKER_05 1:06

I'm like, I feel like we're penguins in a little huddle in this cold weather. It's getting warmer, though. Praise God for that. Um yeah, how about that snow? That was insane. I guess it broke the Rhode Island record forever. If you guys didn't know that, that was the most snow we've ever gotten, like ever.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

Oh, 78.

SPEAKER_05 1:24

Yeah, as far as they've recorded. So pretty crazy. But um, yeah, I wanted to introduce these guys and give them an opportunity. Guys, could you tell me your name and what your favorite hobby is? What is your favorite hobby? And you can take a second to think about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

I already know.

SPEAKER_05 1:43

Emma knows. Go ahead. Can I go? I'm just locked

Meet The Panel: Hobbies And Status

SPEAKER_05 1:46

in.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Are you thinking about yourself?

SPEAKER_05 1:48

Like, yeah, you go, you go, you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Uh hi, my name is Emma. You already said that. Um, and my favorite hobby. Um my favorite hobby is playing a game. Some of you might know, some of you might not know. It's called Dungeons and Dragons. Okay. It's the most yeah, people who just clasp aggressively play with me. So it's the greatest thing ever. I love it so much.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

That's fire. I've never I've never played it. Yeah, me neither. Can you guys hear me? I like lost my voice, but yeah, we might need to kick up a little bit. Help me back there. Can you give it a thumbs up if you hear them?

SPEAKER_03 2:25

My name is nice.

SPEAKER_04 2:27

I love it. All the thumbs up. My name is Brian. Uh favorite hobby? I would say like trying to make music. No, nothing.

SPEAKER_05 2:37

You make music for sure.

SPEAKER_04 2:38

No, I would just say, you know, just this little hobby, you know, trying to try to go hard at that. Um yeah, are we doing like like status too, like single, married? Like, we should do that too, right? Alright. Um, I'm married. Uh married my wife. You guys know Tara? Praise God, man. Praise God, praise God. I'm married.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Um, relationship status.

SPEAKER_04 3:06

Uh yeah, yeah. Sorry, yeah. Let's go. Let's go. Representing. Representing, representing. Let's go. Hey, before we before we start, can I just do one thing? All right, if you're single in this room, stand up.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

I just got down.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

Climb it out, climb it up. Everyone look around the room, look around the room. All right, take a seat, take a seat, take a seat. There you go.

Why Look To Scripture For Singleness

SPEAKER_05 4:13

To try to be like, oh, how do I know if I should be dating? How do I know if I should do this or that? Um, and the good news is you're in the right place to understand that. Here we are looking not just to someone's opinion about this or that, but we're looking to God's word. And we hope that today, as we look to God, God's word, we'll find clarity when it comes to this word singleness and um really what God desires for us in the midst of that. Um and so, yeah, we're gonna jump right in. I have some questions here, and I'll just um, you know, get some thoughts from Brian and Emma

Lies Christians Believe About Singleness

SPEAKER_05 4:51

here. And uh yeah, so this first question is what lies about singleness do Christians subtly believe or reinforce in the church? So, what lies about singleness do Christians subtly believe?

SPEAKER_00 5:06

I'd love to take this one.

SPEAKER_05 5:08

Let's go, hop in.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

As a single woman, uh, and I think a lot of y'all will understand this. I think the biggest lie I've heard about singleness from Christians specifically, not even the world, but Christians, uh, is that singleness is a waiting season. You just kind of gotta get through. It's preached in so many different ways, uh, too. But I think one that girls specifically get a lot is once you stop caring or looking, that's when you'll be asked out. And honestly, it just makes you feel like being single's wrong. And like if you're still single, something's wrong with you. Unfortunately. Uh it completely contradicts God's word on what singleness is and what God says singleness is, and it is a gift. Um, but we're not taught to believe that. We're we're given so many different messages. And uh, if we go to 1 Corinthians uh chapter 7, verse 7, it says, I wish, and this is Paul speaking. He's speaking to the church of Corinth, and he says, I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God. One has this this gift, and the other has that. And when Paul says as I am here, he's literally saying singleness. If you look at the chapter in the context, he's saying, I wish everyone was single like me. And then when he talks about gifts like, hey, you one person has this gift, the other has that gift, he's talking about singleness and marriage. That both are gifts, equally gifts. They're no greater or no less than each other. They're just gifts in their own right. And I don't think we're reminded of that enough when all we're told about singleness as a gift is how to return it.

SPEAKER_04 6:49

I love that. That's real. Yeah, if I can add just a few things. Yeah, I mean, like just to kind of recap too, but yeah, singleness is not a waiting room for marriage, right? I wrote down singleness is not the in-between, singleness is not, I'm not there yet. Right? Because if you really truly believe that, um, I feel like that's an opportunity to miss on how to steward the season. If you feel like you haven't even gotten there yet. Um, and I'm just reminded of the the verse in Proverbs. Um, you know, uh the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps, right? So, like where we are, um if you're single in the season, it's no, it's on purpose, right? The Lord has you there. And I think that's a beautiful opportunity to ask the Lord, like, hey, like, why am I in this, you know, why am I in this season? Um, but another lie quickly, um, and this is targeted towards the singles that you know maybe want to get married, and maybe just to before I speak again and preface, like we may have talked about singing this like a lot, like in church. Um, and like when we say something, um, you might be single and not like you might not fit the category of that type of single. So I don't want like anyone to feel attacked, you know, like if we're speaking, but hey, like nobody is all is like exempt from this, too. Like, you know, we all we all fall short. And so if this is you, I would encourage you to be honest and uh trust that the Lord is trying to speak to us for sure. Um, and so this is maybe targeted towards um the singles that want to get married, but uh I feel like a lie, and this is not I don't think this is like reinforced by the church, but this is just what we see in culture, is that singleness is to ourselves. Um, it's time for us to to be to ourselves and for ourselves, excuse me. Yeah, um and no, I just think that no, I just think that's a clear lie. I was um talking to a few single brothers, I don't know if they're in the room, but Isaac, Sam, and Tunde on Sunday, if they're in here. Hey, shout them out. Single handsome brothers there.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Name dropping diabolical, bro.

SPEAKER_04 8:45

Hey, gotta shout them out. Um, and it's just we were talking about how like, and I'm a married man talking, I don't know like any better, like I'm not like more perfect than you because I'm married, but um, but it's especially being in college, like you have all these, you know, this opportunity to really deepen um your want in your like you have so much idle time, you know, and you could believe the lie that, oh, this is for me to actually indulge in everything I want to do. Um, and that's I think that's culture. I mean, you you see, like, hey, let's indulge like in our our sins, right? For example, let's say there's some sin struggles or sin patterns or some addictions, um, even, and it's so an opportunity for us to even um you know live for ourselves if if we believe that lie. Um, but I wrote this down. We think that singleness equals freedom to go off the deep end and get it all now because we're single and we're not married. Um, we're not married, we're not quote unquote accountable to anybody, you know, we're not tied to anybody. And so, oh, I'm single, you know, I'm not affecting anybody if I have a roommate and I can go in my room and lock myself in my room, you know. I'm single and maybe I live at home. And so it's it's different for you know, it's different when you go home to a wife, you know, because two become one, but when you're going home and you're single, that is actually more, I would say more opportunity to actually no, I don't want to lie, say it's more opportunity to sin, but there is a temptation to there is a temptation to kind of live for your own self and be lost in a lie that's not going to affect anybody.

SPEAKER_05 10:21

Yeah, so so good. Um, I think you know, both of the points y'all brought up are super helpful. And um, yeah, that is the tendency that we see in culture and um even in the church to some degree, um, but mainly in culture that, you know, it's preached, hey, if you're single, that means that you're you're free to do whatever it is that your heart desires. Um, and I'll say from my background, I um am married now, but I've gone through a dating period, an intentional single period. And, you know, God has worked in on me and processed me through a lot of

Contentment That Feels Impossible

SPEAKER_05 10:55

that. But um, I think one of the biggest lies that really comes against young adults at our age is hey, if you're not in a committed relationship or a committed uh marriage with someone, then hey, it's just free game to go and do whatever you please. Um, and you know, for a lot of us young adults, that is our battle. You know, we want to seek the attention of the opposite gender. We want to um cross, you know, physical boundaries. And we think, oh, culture tells me that if, you know, I'm you know not married, then it's not really a problem to get around. Um, and so I would assume that a lot of people in this room, though, are trying to follow the Lord. They know, like, hey, this is wrong for me to uh try to indulge in myself in my singleness. And one of the lies that I think I struggled with um in singleness was that it feels impossible. The reason I say that is because um I know there's a lot of people in this room who struggle with temptation and addiction. And to think about, God, I'm going to surrender all of my passions to you. You know that I desire to be married. I desire X, Y, and Z. It just feels impossible to remain pure, to remain content. And that's a lie. And I want to bring us to scripture here to prove that to us. Um, it's in 2 Thessalonians 1.11. It says, this is Paul talking to Christians. He says, So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our Lord Jesus will be honored because of the way that you live, and you will be honored along with him. This is all made possible because of the grace of our God and Lord Jesus Christ. And so that's a promise right there that if you're feeling like, man, I can't really imagine taking another month being single. I can't imagine thinking about marriage down the road. Like, how am I supposed to honor the Lord with this much time? And my encouragement for you is to lean on the word and realize God can help you. Like, take the most difficult things about your singleness and bring them to the Lord. And I say that too for the dating couples here who are trying to honor the Lord and be pure. That's another thing. If you feel like, man, I just can't wait any longer. This is so difficult, bring it to the Lord. He can give you victory over those things. And that's the lie, is that it feels impossible. Like I can't truly wait this long. Um, but maybe we'll speak to that, that maybe we need to fully release this idea of marriage and waiting and uh trust that to the Lord. Um and so yeah, we can jump to this next question here. For sure. What does it actually look like to be content in Christ while still longing for something unmet?

What Contentment In Christ Really Means

SPEAKER_05 13:58

So, what does it look like to be content in Christ while we're waiting, you know, or longing for something?

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Yeah. Um, delighting in the Lord and who he is. I yeah, I think this is a layup for this Psalm scripture here. It's Psalms 37, 4. Um, delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, right? Delight yourself, take pleasure in Psalm translations, find contentment. Um I like to say that you know, he becomes a desire where nothing else matters, but your relationship with him as you delight in him and who he is. And I would just kind of ask, you know, ask us ask ourselves today, um is that the primary thing in our lives, right? The our relationship with God and delighting in him. And you might ask, like maybe like the Lord is, um, and you might still ask like why am I feeling discontentment? And um, I'm about to say something right now, don't hate me. Um, but I was just dwelling on this and I was trying to think of it, and I'm not exempt from it either when I was you know when I was single, but I think we're suffering from an illness called entitlement. I think it's I think it's very real, and it's not just like it's for all like all aspects of life, it's not even like just in the singleness period, but we're just talking about singleness now, and I really think that that's a a key component to being discon no discontent. And I encourage y'all to you know kill this sense um of entitlement, right? Like kill the desires for blessings over the God of the universe. Like, you know, like God created marriage, and I feel like when I was single, I wanted marriage more than God, you know, and and he's the one that created marriage. Um I can't I think we kind of get in trouble when we desire like the blessed. I think we said this here on stage before, but we desire like the blessings over the blesser, right? And it's like blessings are good, yeah. Like marriage is is good if it's in God's will for you to be married, and if you know do desire that, burn with passion. Um, you know, Paul says, um, and it's it's to be enjoyed and and find God in that, but I don't think God wants us to get lost in that that we run so far from Him, you know. Um, and so yeah, hopefully I answered the question.

SPEAKER_05 16:01

Yeah, no, definitely the question. Yeah, yeah. Delight yourself in the Lord. You got something, Emma?

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yeah, I'm gonna answer it in a such a nerdy way. I don't think y'all are even ready for this. Um, get ready for a Greek lesson, because that's where we're gonna go. Let's go. Let's go. Um, I want to look at the word content because the question is, what does it actually look like to be content in Christ? And that's a very Christianese phrase that's thrown around a lot. Um, and so it can be like, well, what does that even mean? So how about we go into the original Greek and we see what the translation means? Now, when I was researching this, I found three different words for content in the Greek, and each one gives a part of the whole picture of what is it actually meaning and how is God asking us to be content. Um so I'm gonna say a lot of words, but it's all gonna come together in the end, I promise. Um one of the Greek words is called archaeo, and its most direct translation would be to be strong or to be satisfied, possessed of unfailing strength. The second one is eudokeo, and its most direct translation would be to think, choose, determine, or decide it to be good, to take pleasure in. And then the third one is autarchia. And its most direct translation is a perfect condition of life in which no aid or support is needed. Now, with these translations, I think we begin to see the picture of what God means when he encourages us to be content in Christ. It's to decide that Christ is more than enough for us and that we need nothing more besides him, and we choose him with great pleasure. Nowhere in there does it say that you cannot desire something else like being married, but it isn't allowing your desire for marriage to become greater than your love for Christ and what he did for you on the cross, which is what Brian was saying. Desiring marriage is a good thing, but longing for it and obsessing over it may show that it's become an idol in your life and therefore greater than Christ on the cross for you. I, as a single woman, desire to be married one day. I'll be honest. But if I don't, it doesn't take away my value to my life because I'm worth the life of God's son. And no earthly marriage can even come close to that. It took time for me to accept that truth. So if this is difficult for you, that's okay. It was difficult for me too, and I fought against it for years. But I'm a living testament to this truth that God is more than enough, and that you can take pleasure in a relationship with him and trust him with whatever he decides to do with your romantic life.

SPEAKER_05 18:35

So good, so good. Amen. Yeah, and I think, you know, the idea of being content in God in singleness, it feels a little, you know, elusive. Like, how do I do that? But you guys, you know, brought some awesome examples there. And um, yeah, remembering that like, you know, as we put God first, you know, the the one of the first commandments is to, you know, love the God, love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and put no other gods above him, you know, those are like right near the top. And um, for us to subtly just, you know, center our thoughts and our mind on relationships, that is a quick thing that we need to double click on. Um, I think that uh if most of your time is, you know, spent thinking about this thing or a good chunk of your time and your relationship with God is starving, you know, like you're looking for an external human relationship that only God can truly give you that uh security and support. Um and when we're trying to fill that with a human relationship, um, we're gonna end up being wanting, you know, we're gonna be looking for the next thing. And you ask, you know, married people, hey, is this solving every issue for you in your life? You know, there's always something else after when once I get that thing, once I get that thing, um, and so just stop the the rat race and the tr the uh chasing of all of those things and just say, Lord, teach me how to be content where I am and enjoy you above anything else. Um and so, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

One thing quick. I mean, this is Psalms 23. Um, if you've grown up in church, you know this this this passage, but the first the first line, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. Yeah, I think like David hit it on the nail, like something in David's spirit, like he knew like I am content in Christ. The Lord is my shepherd, the shepherd guides me, the shepherd guides the sheep that don't know where to go. No, like the shepherd, the sheep do not know better than the shepherd. Um and David's saying, I shall not want. And that I think that's a bold statement.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Yeah, and I think what's cool is like I shall not want, and like another translation for that more directly is I lack nothing. It's recognizing I have everything I need. If I have God on my side, what more could I want?

SPEAKER_05 20:51

Yeah, amen. So good. So, yeah, that brings us to our next question, which is how does singleness position someone to live on mission right now, not just someday? I'll say it one more time. How does singleness position

Singleness As Time And Capacity For Mission

SPEAKER_05 21:07

someone to live on mission right now, not someday?

SPEAKER_04 21:12

I can go. Yeah, man, coming from a married man who's single in this place, y'all got time. Y'all got time. Right? Yeah, y'all got time, y'all got time. Thanks for laughing. Like, it's a joke, but like, no, I'm serious. Like, you have time, and even when I was thinking about this, like, not only do you have the time, but I would say you have the capacity, you know, too. Um, and you know, Paul was clear in the in the Corinthians passage. I think we might have read it earlier, but um, in the first Corinthian scripture, um, he says uh the the unmarried man um has an undivided heart, you know, and so you have all you have it all your attention is on the Lord, and when you're all your attention is on the Lord, your heart then aligns with his heart, and then his heart. Heart is now for the lost, right? His heart is for his people. And I'll read that scripture too. But the married man is anxious about the worldly things, how to please his wife and his interests are divided. Skip a couple of passages. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. As a married man, Paul says worldly things, but like, you know, to maybe um break it down a little bit, like I'm worried about providing for my home, you know, and like just you know being the caregiver and being that that authority in my home and caring for my wife. I just had a baby, December 7th. Shout out, sir. Shout out, baby boy. Took more of my time. Yep. Took a lot a lot more of my time. Um, but yeah, so I would I would say that you do have the time. Um, and before before you go too, um I just want to shout out all the single CBC members, like people that I know are committed to this body that are you know members of this church. I I do have to shout y'all out. I think y'all definitely live missionally. Let's go. I see I seen how we do it. She's about to share, she's about to share something, you know, but like it's she really lives it. Um and I do see others, you know, have like sacrificing maybe it's like time, like me time, I guess, right? Yeah. As a single person, it's like, oh, I need no time to Jake was saying that. We were talking time to cope, right? Yeah, yeah. Like we think we need that. Um and I I've seen the single the the single members of CBC sacrifice their coping time, you know, to maybe host a Bible study or maybe host a hangout um and and really seek out the lost and seek out um those that are searching for community. So I just wanted to shout shout those people out for sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah, honestly, like that's perfect. Like to jump off that, I this question causes me to think back to Valentine's Day that literally just happened, like what, like two weeks ago or whatever. Um as a single Christian girl, it would have been so easy for me to spend the entire day just mourning my relationship status. I could have locked myself in my room and allowed my thoughts to spiral, asking, like, why is no one pursuing me? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Is it my weight? Is there something wrong with me? That one usually comes back around. Uh, is it because I'm not serving enough or in the ways that like other people could see? And like, is that why? Um, and I've done this so many times

Practicing Mission In Real Life

SPEAKER_01 24:22

over the years, so don't hear like I'm a perfect single Christian woman. Absolutely not. If you think I'm perfect, you don't know me well enough. Um but I I used to always isolate myself and reinforce those lies that without someone romantically desiring me, that I was nothing. A lot of my energy used to go to just putting myself in rooms with single guys, hoping something would change. But as of the last couple years, that itself has changed. This year particularly, I hosted a singles Galantines with my roommates and led a Bible study where the focus was how to love your singleness as opposed to how to get rid of your singleness. And shout out to my roommates, they're here in this room, and a lot of you girls that are in here were there.

SPEAKER_05 25:02

So make some noise, Ryan. That's a dope in the right.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

But I think that's an example of what you were just saying, Brian, of like the capacity and the ability and the the time. Like we're a we're a house full of single girls, and like we all were able to come together and have this happen. And we had about 35 single girls in one house, and I had so many conversations that were steeped in encur and encouragement and feeling seen and understood and encouraging girls that they are not and never have been less than just because you're not tied to a man. I used exactly where I am right now to speak into others in the same boat as me and encourage them to focus on God and everything they are because he is the only one that doesn't change. We aren't married in heaven to anyone on earth if we do get married here, but we do always remain a daughter of God or a son of God. That never changes. God has you right where he wants you, so trust him and use wherever you are right now in life to speak into the lives of those who you specifically can relate to and talk to and understand. Uh once again, 1 Corinthians chapter 7 is probably going to be referenced a lot. Um, but this one is verses 20 to 24, and it says, each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don't let it trouble you, although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord's freed person. Similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ's slave. You are bought at a price, do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person as responsible to God should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. If it's better for any part of your life to change, you need to trust that God's gonna change it himself in his own power. He does not need your help.

SPEAKER_05 26:47

Yeah, amen. Amen. Yeah, and I was I was gonna add too, I I think a lot of this can seem like just really weird, like, man, being single and like living on mission, you know, it feels like, you know, this is just kind of a middle space where maybe I'm in college and I'm thinking about, you know, the next season, work, and maybe, you know, a relationship. And I just want to challenge you to really zoom out for a second and think about what is the purpose of my life. And I think so many people, when they honestly answer that question, it's figure out my schooling, figure out my job, get an awesome uh relationship, get married, have kids, maybe get a dog, and then retire and then die. And that's literally the plan. That's the focus. And it's just one foot in front of the other. Many people are just on that road, and that's the whole focus is to just get those things squared away, not thinking, oh, why did God actually put me here? And this also speaks to any of the dating uh couples in here as well. Like, ask for yourself, am I just going along with this uh focused, you know, this is my goal for life, and I know kind of just this and this and that?

Is God Still Good If Marriage Never Comes

SPEAKER_05 28:04

But really, Jesus crystallizes for us what we should be doing. And he says it. He says, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. And so my encouragement is to really just zoom out and say, okay, if I've been using my singleness, my dating, even my marriage in a way that I um, you know, I haven't really thought too deeply about it, um, think about that call. That's what Jesus is telling you to do today is seek first his kingdom. And uh when you embrace that, you're gonna start living on mission in any season that you're in. Um and so yeah, jump into this next question. Um and this one's a tough one. If marriage never comes, is God still good? And how do we live like we truly believe that?

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Um to live like you believe God is good means you trust that God's character and judgment are good, and that belief in and of itself, that trust, influences the way you react to whatever goes on around you. If you trust God is good, even when things are crumbling all around you, you trust that whatever you're going through has a purpose for the ultimate greater good. If you never get married, is is God still good? And through I want to answer that through my own experience. Absolutely, he is. Absolutely. If I never get married, he is still good because I have seen him bring joy from pain and blessing from trials over and over and over again. If I never get married, I trust that he is protecting me from so much more than I could ever imagine. And hurt, I couldn't probably even comprehend. One example of how I've experienced this personally, um, just to kind of like bring you guys into my life, uh is a little over a year ago, my dad suddenly passed away just five days before Thanksgiving. It crushed me. I am a daddy's girl through and through, and he was my best friend for sure. Uh and it made me question if God was truly good. And it caused me to go into a deep dive on that for about 10 months straight. I would cry out against God with such anger and sadness for months and months on end. And you know what? He was patient with me. He didn't punish me. He was always with me, even though he didn't say much directly to me. Like I wasn't hearing him speak amazing words over me that just took away all the pain. That pain is still here. Just because I'm sitting on the stage doesn't mean I've been cured of it. I I just live with it. I learned how to live with that knowing that God's still good. And then one day I remember crying in my bed, and I remember God just gently reminding me with his word, just saying, Hey, I gave my son to die for you. That wasn't easy, but I did that for you. My love goes beyond anything you could comprehend. And this doesn't have to make complete sense, but I need you to trust me that my love never wavers and everything I do flows from that love. And since then, I have been able to see so many blessings in my life uh that I would not have that I would not have at all. Um but I do now and I wouldn't have un unless my dad had passed. And don't hear that and don't get me wrong and be like, oh, she's so happy her dad's like gone. Absolutely not. If I could go back and do it any other way to where my dad is still alive here, I would absolutely do that. But at the end, I still trust God. I trust that he's still good and that he's gonna bring this about in a way that I can't even comprehend. And I think in the same way to bring this back to singleness and marriage, you can prefer to be married, like I prefer my dad to still be here, but you can still choose to trust God and his love for you, even if you don't fully comprehend it, even if you don't fully understand it, God is still good, even if you can't see it physically.

SPEAKER_05 31:57

Yeah, that's so profound. I just wanted to zoom in on that. Like when it comes to trusting God with something so scary as like, what if I don't get married? What if God doesn't have that in the plans for me? It comes down to trust, right? And I think exactly what Emma put there, which is like you only trust somebody if you know how much they love you and how they've demonstrated that. And so we ask, can I trust God? Can I truly? And then you got to ask, okay, I can trust God if he loves me. If he truly loves me, then I can trust in him. And where do we look to know that God loves us? It's right there, you know, the cross. We we remind ourselves that this is a good God who cares about us and loves us, gave his most prized possession, his only son, uh, who did nothing wrong and he watched him as he was tortured and killed. And we ask and we question God, should I trust you? And that is the place we need to go. We need to trust God and say, you know what? Regardless of what God's plans are for me, I trust that he is good, he loves me, um, and I can trust him with that.

SPEAKER_04 33:05

Yeah. No, that's that's that's beautiful from both of you guys. Yeah. In times of doubt, let's remember what the good God did, and that's the gospel message that he gave his son. Um and to kind of go more practical too, so we know of a good God, but let's also understand that you know Paul encourages us to believe that singleness is good, you know, and I'll read that scripture, maybe we've heard it, you know, a lot, but first Corinthians 7, 8. Um, I wish that all were as myself, or as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. He says, I'm gonna say that again, it is good for them to remain single as I am. You know, I don't want you to to think and I want you to silence the lie that you think you're missing out, you know, just because you know you're single. Um Paul is hitting something on the nail here, and we've like hit it on no, we've talked about it in the other questions too, but you know, Paul is encouraging us to remember um, you know, with what Jake and what Emma said, you know, God is good, yes, and

Desiring Marriage Without Making It An Idol

SPEAKER_04 34:09

then uh uh it is a good thing to be single. Just remember that also. Just want to share that.

SPEAKER_05 34:14

Yeah, absolutely. Um so yeah, we got one more question here, and um, yeah, it gets down to the real core of who we are. So, how do you desire marriage without making it your identity or doubting God's goodness? I'll say one more time. How do you desire marriage without making it your identity or doubting God's goodness?

SPEAKER_02 34:42

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

Um Yeah, I remember I remember reading this question and being like, oh, we had to end on this one. This is crazy, this is awesome. Um, and I also I want to apologize. I know I've been reading from my iPad this whole time, but just know like every like we all prepared so much for this because we knew there were a lot of tender hearts in the room. Um, and every word written was like purposely chosen, at least I know for me. Um so if I'm just like looking down, reading, like I promised, these are still my own words. Um but they're chosen carefully. Uh but yeah, how do you desire marriage without it making your identity or doubting God's goodness? First, like marriage is a good desire. God designed it so it would be desired. Uh the issue isn't desire, it's identity. When a good desire becomes the thing that defines us or determines whether God is good to us, that's when it shifts into something it was never meant to be, our sense of identity. If I need marriage to feel secure, chosen, or worthy, then I'm asking a person to do what only Christ can do. One practical way I personally fight against that, um uh against making marriage my identity is I intentionally practice being pursued by God right now. A lot of people in this room know exactly what I'm talking about, but I'm gonna explain it. Um, when the weather is nice and not this outside, um, I like to get ready in the morning. Like I'm going on a literal date. Uh, and I'll go get a coffee, sit at a coffee shop with my Bible for a few hours and just stay there, read my Bible, listen to worship music, have my noise-canceling headphones because the world's just so loud and I can't handle it. Um, and I call them my dates with God, uh my dates with Yahweh. It's the Old Testament word for God, but uh my dates with God, that's what I call them. And honestly, it reminds me that I'm not waiting to be chosen. I already am. I'm not waiting to be loved, I already am. And these dates remind me of the truth that uh I read in in Psalm 16, 11, which says, You make known to me the path of life. You, God, fill me with joy in your presence with eternal pleasures at your right hand. And I think we need that reminder of like, hey, God's present now. Like He's not a placeholder, I'm sorry, a placeholder until a husband or a wife shows up. He's here now. And I think doubting God's goodness often comes when we assume marriage is proof of his favor towards us. Like those who are married are just loved more by God. Like I think a lot of us say it as jokes, like, oh, how does it feel to be God's favorite? I think a part of us joke about it because we secretly believe it. Um but Jesus, his most loved son, was single. So singleness can't mean we're less loved. And like I've said before, I still desire marriage. I pray for it. But I try to hold it with open hands. Because if God is truly good, then whatever he gives or withholds is not him being cruel, it's him being wise. At the end of the day, my identity isn't future wife, it's daughter of God. And that identity doesn't fluctuate based on my relationship status. And I'd what I would encourage you to do, like singles in this room right now that are struggling with seeing God as present, not some God far off in the sky just looking down at us every once in a while, I'd encourage you to find your own date with God. Remind yourself of who you really are, uh, because of what Christ has already done for you on that cross.

SPEAKER_04 38:04

Yeah. That's so great. I'll just add my two cents, but that is yeah, the issue is not the desire and the want for it. It's just having so much faith in it that you think it could save you. That's that's that's where the loss comes from. And I honestly, as a married man, um, my perspective, I just want to let you know that marriage won't fix your loneliness, right? Not gonna fix your desires, it's not gonna fix your identity crisis. Um, guess what? You're in for a rude awakening once you get married and you find out there's two broken people in the marriage and not one.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

Just two figures together.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

Right. Honestly, it's it's so true. Um, and so yeah, again, we're going back to putting our identity in something that was created, right? And and not the creator. So yeah, amen.

SPEAKER_05 38:45

Yeah, it's such an important thing that we have a strategy to fighting against this. Um, and I have a funny kind of analogy for you guys. Um funny thing, my wife loves Disney. Um, she absolutely like, if she could be anywhere right now, she would tell you it's Disney. Um, and sometimes when she feels sad, she'll scroll through and look at Disney, you know, she'll see the old photos that we've taken, videos when we went there. Um, unfortunately, last two uh times we went, we could only stay for like three hours. We jumped in, jumped out. So I'm just like teasing her a little bit. No Disney in England. Um but yeah, imagine

Marriage Points To A Greater Union

SPEAKER_05 39:26

this. Imagine I told my wife, hey, I have a surprise for you for our date night. We're gonna take a flight to Florida virtually and watch our last trip to Disney on the TV through airplay. That would be super cruel. I'd feel super bad. Um, and that would be the worst date night ever. Sorry to even think about that, Georgia. Um, Georgia. Yeah. Um but yeah, the reason I bring that up is um because the TV and watching it in this analogy to me is kind of like marriage. And a lot of us we think, oh, the epitome of life is to have the best in perfect marriage. And really, marriage is like a TV in the way that the TV is to Disney, in that marriage was actually designed to point us to our marriage with Jesus. And I think a lot of people, when they think about marriage, it's the pinnacle, it's the goal. Um, and they don't realize they're actually just watching Disney on TV. It's like you can't imagine the enjoyment that you would have of actually being there in Disney versus just watching it on a TV. It sounds really silly to um put your identity in, you know, that sort of thing. And so the reason I bring that up is to encourage you guys to cultivate a desire for the real thing. Marriage with Christ in eternity is better than anything else. It's better than marriage here, and that's what it's meant to point to. Um and so to put it as the center, we're just off base, we're missing the point. Um, marriage was made by God to point to what it's like to be with him. So marriage gives us this picture of union, pleasure, and trust, but in a similar way that watching Disney is cool, but it points to something more. God promises that in heaven, here in the Bible, it says it in Psalms 16:11. Um, if you're looking for marriage for pleasure, in Psalms it says that there's pleasures at God's right hand forevermore. That's where it is. If you're looking for companionship, Revelation 21:3 says that God makes his dwelling with humanity. So he's going to be with us forever in the most deep union. And if you want a partner to support you in tough times, Revelation 24 says, He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. And so it's it's good to long for marriage and desire that, but bringing that to the Lord, trusting him with it, but the key is to recognize what is far better. It's cliche, but we need to think about heaven. I don't know how often you guys are actively saying, Man, I wonder what it's gonna be like to be with God and the pleasures that that will bring. And that's the key to shattering this as the central theme in your life is to think about what it's going to be like to be married and union in oneness with Jesus. The Bible literally calls this group right here, he calls us a bride, and he is the bridegroom. And so that is what this is all pointing to. Don't miss the point that, you know, oh, this is this weird, you know, side quest. But marriage is just actually pointing us to this greater thing that's coming. And so if we don't get there in our life, if God says, hey, like, trust me, we're maybe not gonna bring you into a marriage season, but trust me, what by the time you get into heaven, you're gonna literally forget about any of the difficulty of this season. Um, and you're going to truly know why God created you, which was to be in union with Him. And so I just wanna encourage you guys, continue to look up past this 80 years. I tell some guys, like, you know, they're they're stressing about, oh, should I get married? I'm dating this person, this and that. And I just remind them, like, hey, this isn't like the end. Like, it's a short period of time that you're gonna be married. It's gonna go by like that, and then you're gonna be with the true marriage with God. Um, and so don't get super caught up and center yourself on that because there's so much greater things awaiting us in heaven. Um so yeah, let's let's pray together and let's ask God to help us with that.

Prayer And Closing Encouragement

SPEAKER_05 43:48

Dear Father, um, you see our hearts, you know the different desires that we have. Um they're not unusual or strange to you, God. Um But we just bring them to you with open hands. God, you tell us not to cling on to these things so tightly so that you can't mess with them or take them. Um, but God, we like open our hands to you right now. Lord, would you help us? Would you soften our hearts to whatever relationships and uh marriage, whatever place they hold in our heart, God, would we open it to you and hold it loosely? God, would you help us to just get a taste of what it means to be in union with you, God? Would we um really pursue you like a relationship? Because that's that's what you want from us, Lord. And so I pray that you would help us to uh just focus on you and pour into our relationship with you above any other relationship in this world. God, would you give us for those of us who are feeling weary in our season, God, would you give us the strength that we need? We know that your grace is so much bigger uh than any of our temptation, any of our tiredness. Um, you look at it and it is a small thing to you, Lord. So we call on you, the God who has all the power that we need to be great single people. Um in whatever season we're in, God, we need your help. And so, God, would you help us be our strength as we walk forward and try to do what would be pleasing to you? Praise all in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, guys, for coming tonight. God bless you guys and keep using your time and your life for Jesus. Let's go. Love you guys.