Sexual Evolution

 Is your sex evolving over time? If not, you may be cheating yourself out of a great time 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hi, Angie Clemens. I am the host of the Can I Brow Your Skin podcast? And we are in May. And so we are talking about several topics around sex that aren't necessarily discussed a lot. And I think that it is important to talk about them. One of the biggest topics, I think, for me that gets overlooked so much is the way a person has sex changes over the years. We all like I don't know anybody on their first experience being a freaking rock star coming out of the gate. If you were, please tell me about it. I I need to hear this story. Like I know there's a bunch of random, weird porn and like scripted series that say you can be a rock star out the gate. I just I don't believe it. I just don't. I don't know anyone that has. And honestly, even if you were, the more you learn about yourself over the years, what you like, what you dislike, and bad, and just otherwise in your sex life, how you are mentally and physically, it changes the way that you get down. And you are doing yourself a disservice if you're not allowing how you mature physically and mentally impact your sex life. Sex is so mental in and of itself. And so as you are maturing mentally, then your sex is probably gonna change as well. You need to learn your body. Like, if you're not learning your body, you're not learning the things that you like, the things that you enjoy, the things that you might be curious about, you're punishing yourself. Point blank, period. Like you need to know your body, or you're missing out on possibly some great sex. And I know that I'm gonna talk about this in depth in September, I believe, but self-exploration is probably one of the best things that you can do for yourself. And that's not just physically, like mentally. Like, I am a big fan of not only exploring your body, but also what do you like mentally? What are some things you you know want to try? And sometimes there may be things you've never even heard about. Like get on get outside of your PG 13 vanilla mindset, like read erotica. And it doesn't have there's so many different forms of erotica. Everyone thinks erotica is one thing, it's not, it's everything from a vampire to they have little house on the prairie erotica, they have stuff with robots, like you name it, there's probably something out there. Like you could scroll on Facebook and you find like this were wolf and the scent. And I'm like, what the hell is this? Not my bag, but people like it. You know, I watch porn. There's so many different kinds of porn. And actually, one of I I suck at finding porn. I this is my confession for the day. I suck at finding porn. But I have friends that are great at it, and they will say, Hey Angela, here's a link. Go scroll through this. I think you might find something hilarious. And they they and I am I'm a porn critic, they are absolutely correct on that. I spend more time looking at porn and being like, Why is that camera angle like that? And laughing at something someone did but didn't mean to do. So I'm the worst person to watch porn with, but you know, I I do advocate for porn. I think people should watch porn. And something that as children, not I shouldn't say children, as teenagers and young adults, people did a lot of, but as they become adults, they do a lot less of it. But talk about things with your friends, like the slumber party or the sleepover as like a 17, 18, 19, 20-something year old, you'd get your as an adult, you'd get your glass of wine, you'd sit on couches and in bing bag chairs. Yes, I am from the Bing Bag Chair era, and you would sit and talk about oh, what you read, what you saw, potentially what you did. And y'all sit around and talk about it. I mean, at this big age, I have, it's probably it would be in like a group checks between all my friends or whatever. But those are ways to get ideas of what might be interesting to try, because I've never heard of someone trying everything and seeing everything and doing everything. And so as you learn and you're gonna continually learn about yourself, and your body's gonna continually change. Like now, being perimenopausal, my body has changed a lot. And so things I used to like, I don't like, things I didn't like before, I like now, things I didn't know existed. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Because you're constantly changing. And as you're constantly changing, you should be constantly exploring, you know, and this is where you know, arrogance to me is just always a negative thing. However, being arrogant here, thinking you've tried everything, saying that you've mastered it all is going to be such a huge detriment to you. Because if you've seen it all, if you've mastered it all, then you won't try. And trying to experimenting throughout your life with your sex is probably one of the funnest things you'll ever do. And especially if you have an open-minded partner or partners, then you get to try a lot of different things and see a lot of different things and enjoy a lot of different things. And, you know, you can always learn things from other people. If you have a partner that's more exploratory than you, then you know, maybe they'll say, Well, how about this? And even if they say something you have zero interest in, if you shut it down in a negative way, they will never bring anything up to you again. So maybe don't be a negative Nelly and say, huh, that doesn't sound like something I would like. What else are you thinking? And if it's something you've never thought of, you don't think you would like it, you know, say, I don't think I would like that, but maybe let's try this variation of it, or maybe let's try that. You know, there there are so many things that can lead to you being stuck in a rut and missing out and never experimenting, never trying, never being open-minded, thinking you know it all, you know, not discussing things with your friends. Uh, you know, I am not a fan of doing gossip talk where you sit around and be like, yeah, I just catch Becky, Susie, and Jimmy. But, you know, actually is talking about different activities or different ideas. Like who you're sleeping with should be between you and the person you're sleeping with and your doctor. Uh unless there's unless you know something comes out of the trips to your doctor, then you have to talk to everyone else you're sleeping with, but you don't have to tell them who it is. Either way, I I think that you know, exploration is a positive thing and it should be lifelong learning. Yeah, lifelong learning in all aspects are a good thing, but especially when it comes to you, your body, and your sex life. And the more you experiment, and there's different kinds of orgasms. Like that's why they have different kinds of you know, toys to explore with. They have different frequencies, different. I'm talking too much about that part, but there's different kinds of toys, and they all do different little things, and they do different things because there's different orgasms. There's actually a really good um podcaster on Pantheon, I believe it's called, and his page is free, and he talks about the anatomy, both the male anatomy and the female anatomy, different ways to stimulate all the different um parts of the anatomy. And then there's actually names to some of the orgasms, and so he talks about the different orgasm names and the different body parts that can give more than one kind of orgasm. And it is such a good way to explore and look. And if you're always doing the same thing, you're always going after the same kind of orgasm, it can get boring. And that's another reason why you should explore and do different things. Yes, orgasms are great, but yes, orgasms can become boring as well. So don't get stuck in a rut with the mundane sex life because you are unwilling to explore and unwilling to try new things. I I can't remember the um therapist's name, but back in my childhood, there used to be a sex therapist who used to be on television late at night. I want to say channel 20. Thank you. Talk sex with Sue. And love my engineer. He he's full of great information because I don't remember her name. Yes, talk sex with Sue. And the reason why that show was so very popular is because she gave people ideas and ways to, you know, spark up their sex life. And she did talk about different kinds of orgasms as well. And so it just shows you that this is commonplace. There's nothing wrong with learning you, learning, and there's still sex therapists out there, they're just not as well known. And most people think that a sex therapist's whole job is to work with you if you have like some sort of sexual dysfunction. That's one part of their job. Another part of their job is to help couples get out of fret. And and a lot of people have a misconception. No, a sex therapist generally is not gonna jump in bed with you and your partner and start positioning and telling you how to do things. So that's your job. They will tell you, hey, why don't you look at this or why don't you try that? Or, you know, give you different ideas of things you may or may not want to try, but they're not gonna jump in the sack with you. So take this, May, to start looking at your life, looking at your love life, looking at your sex life, and saying to yourself, self, can I make this a little better? What's some cool things I haven't tried? And what would I be interested in? And, you know, I know we talked about fetishes in February. You don't necessarily have to go the fetish route. There's little things that are very common that people try when they're trying to spice things up and make sure it's consensual and start with yourself. That's my biggest advice. And then put down your favorite talk sex with Sue moment. Even if you've never seen the show, talk about like, well, if I was gonna explore, I might look at this. And I think there's ways to be anonymous on these things, so try it. But you know, like, subscribe, save, comment, follow. Yay! Thank you, bye.