Episode 6 - Robin Parker - There is Hope in Looking Ahead

In this episode of The Business of Widows Podcast, Sis. Robin Parker shares how her deep relationship with God has brought comfort, strength, and hope after the loss of her husband, Rev Jess Parker.

When grief feels overwhelming, God understands your pain and faithfully walks with you every step of the way.

Join us for an encouraging conversation that will remind you that you are never alone and that healing begins in His presence.

Thank you for listening to The Business of Widows! If you enjoyed this episode, please consider following and leaving us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify—it really helps! Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at @thebusinessofwidows for updates and behind-the-scenes content.

This episode was hosted and edited by Abigail Peterson.

See you next time!"

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to the Business of Widows, real stories of grief, grace, and God's goodness. I'm your host, Abigail Peterson, and this is a special space for those who are walking through the unimaginable. Here we share honest, unfiltered conversations with widows and widowers who have lived through deep loss, yet have encountered God's presence in the middle of their pain. Each episode reminds you that your grief is real, your story matters, and you are not alone. So take a deep breath, come as you are, and join us as we explore heartbreak, healing, holy moments, and the unexpected goodness of God one story at a time. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Business of Widows podcast. I am so blessed and honored today to have Sister Robin Parker. Um I'm just, it's a privilege. She's been a much sought-after guest. And welcome, Sister Parker. Thank you for joining me today.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Thank you, Abigail. And um I'm excited to be here. When you first asked me, I I really probably wasn't, but um, my name is Robin Parker. My husband was Jesse Parker, and he pastored the Lighthouse Church in La Grand, Oregon. I moved in next door to Jesse when I was eight and he was nine. We had horse ranches next door to each other. And I'm an introvert by nature, and so he was my only neighbor, so he was my best friend. So when I was 18, we got married. Um, my husband or my dad wasn't for it, but we worked through that. At 21, I had my first daughter, and we ended up having six children and adopting three children and raising a bunch more, but we were foster parents for 15 years and all that. Um, my husband was a backslider at that point, and his mom was in church, but his dad was not, and I lived next door to his dad. And I was basically an atheist, I guess. I don't know. Um, no religious background. But we immediately got into drugs and alcohol and smuggling out of Mexico, drugs, and uh really rough wildlife style. Um, adventure, wild adventures were kind of the norm. And that's a long story of its own. But um in 1980, we started attending Brother I. H. Terry's church, who was my husband's uncle in Bakersville, California. Okay, and we were there for three and a half years, and uh we moved to um we were there for three and a half years, and we moved to Le Grand and started the church in Le Grand, Oregon. So we got a crash course at Brother Terry's church. And um we had four adults here. Um JD Borders had come here first uh and was here for two or three years, and so some backsliders came to church here. So there were four adults, and my husband and I and my kids had three daughters at that point, and my husband was a visionary, so he he was a dreamer and he came up with great ideas, and I loved helping those visions come to pass. And so when he passed in 2022, we'd been here about 42 years. Wow, and so then he he uh we built a church, we had many buildings and so on and so forth, and then he got heart problems in his 40s, and we built the log house, you could kind of see behind me, and uh raised a lot of kids, but um the last five years he was really sick and uh he was miserable and he was in a lot of pain and it wasn't going to get better, and so um the early days of my grief was hard because I I it's hard for everyone, but I felt guilty in a lot of ways because I was relieved that he was gone, you know, for his sake and for mine and for the rest of my families. And really, I lost my husband many years before because of his sickness. And so I'd already dealt with a lot of the stuff that new widows face, because I feel like I was a widow then, even though he was still alive. And my role as a wife changed a lot, you know.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

But um, so anyway, I felt guilty for feeling that way, relieved, but really I was just numb. And I stayed numb, and I think that's kind of God's way of uh putting a cushion around us, maybe. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

A human coping coping mechanism that we all have, we all have it in us, and sometimes it comes out of nowhere, and sometimes it's more consistent than other times. But I think every widow or widower that hears this understands that numb feeling.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

And how even, you know, I felt it a lot in the beginning, and but then even now, you know, 18 months later, there are still times and situations that I can feel numb too.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

I can honestly, it's been three and a half years. I can honestly say that just in the last six to eight months, I feel like I'm coming out of that numb hole, you know, and like you said, it's off and on, but I feel like I'm getting more clarity and more um where I just don't feel numb. And I I don't resent the numbness. I'm kind of glad for it, but it's hard for other people to navigate, yes. Uh, because they don't know how to they, you know, and you just I feel like in and I'm an introvert, so I'm not a real live people bugging into my business, you know. But um I feel like people just need to let it be and just be nice, I guess. But get give us a chance to figure out who we even are, you know. I was married for 42 years and lived next door to him for I don't know how 10 years before that. So I had to figure out who I was, you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Sister Parker, that's really interesting that you say I had a conversation with another widow the other day. And I think that is that's something that's very difficult for me right now is understanding who I am. And if you haven't walked this path, it that might even seem like a silly question. Well, if you're Abigail Peterson, that's who you are. But my whole life and my identity was was combined with my husband, which I got married at 18, and I had known him since I was a teenager too. So the majority of you know, my teenage years and my adult life, all my adult life has been with him. And it and all of a sudden, now that's that's over. That is over. That that period of time is over, and so moving forward, he's not a part, he's part of my life in terms of memories and my children and my grandchildren, but in terms of moving forward, who am I by myself? Right. Who am I as this person now moving forward? And I think that is that's that combined with that numbness is where I'm at right now.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Who am I? Right, right. And I I had this a little bit of a struggle with being mad at my husband because I felt like he didn't take care of himself like he should. And so I felt guilty at times for that, but I had to really work through that. I'm not a person that holds grudges as a rule, but I was kind of almost holding a grudge against him, and so even talking about him or thinking about him could make me mad. And I couldn't share that with other people, you know, like how awful is that? But I really was. I was mad at him because I felt like he could have done some things, but he's stubborn and hard-headed and you know, and wanted to do what he wanted to do, and he didn't want anybody telling him what to do. So he just did what he felt was best and wanted to do. So that was that, and I've had to deal with that. And I can say it took me really a couple years to get over that. And I can't say that I was in sin, you know, hating or what, but I just I had my feelings hurt, I guess, more than anything that he could, you know. But I've moved past that and I'm thankful for that because that was the hardest part. So now my memories are a lot more fun because uh memories until that point would be kind of hard to hard to deal with. And painful. But I'm glad that uh I've I've worked through that, and I did, and I knew I would, but I knew God was just gonna have to take me places, and He has, and I'm happy for that. Um I I've always depended on God. I've been through a lot of trials in my life. I lost a son uh in 2020 who was 24 years old, um, that just died, and no one even knows why he died. But um I've lost, you know, children have uh come and go in my life and uh that I've raised, and uh I've been through a lot of things with building a church, you go through a lot. So I've you know, I've just trusted God for everything all those years. So when um when this happened, I I knew God was gonna be there with me, and I knew he was with me, and the word of God really is my best friend. I like to hang out with the word of God in prayer, and it's strengthened me through every trial, and the sickness was probably worse than the actual death, and so um he he helped me through all that and the word of God, and as far as one Bible scripture, not one scripture, but there's so many scriptures, and one day I needed one scripture, and the other day I would need another scripture, you know, and God always seemed to provide the right scripture on the right day, and it just you know, it bring me peace or you know, whatever. I one of the things that I loved when I got the Holy Ghost was the peace of God. I it's like I just felt this peace come over me that I didn't even know I didn't have peace. Like this dark cloud lifted off of me. And so I've been trying to live in that ever all my life. So I, you know, God's just been there for me the whole time. I I never got mad at God.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Is there a specific verse? I know there's many, but is there a specific verse that you tend to go back to that is kind of like your your rock and your anchor?

SPEAKER_00 12:09

I would say that uh maybe Joshua, you know, be strong, be courageous. There's several verses in there like that, and about in in uh Psalms about just trusting the Lord, you know, just commit your way to Him and He'll take you through it. I I mean I just there's so many scriptures I I can't really pinpoint. There are just so many.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Now, did you how did you walk through, you know, you said that you you lost a son in 2020, and that is that is a different type of grief, you know. I lost my mom, a lot harder, yeah, really.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Yeah, would you like to? For one, I don't know that my son was saved. Okay, right and and I think more of what he could have done, and I'm sure for a widow, a young widow, that would be you know something, but um yeah, that I've I struggle more over on an everyday level with my son than I did my husband. But like I said, I went through all the sickness, and so I think that made a difference. If he just uh just died out of the blue, that would be different. I I think it would look a lot different.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

It is, and when I talked to Sister Kathy Copeland, we were talking about that anticipatory grief, which is that time period when your spouse is sick and you're walking through each moment and anticipating, you know, you know that at some point the end is, you know, death is going to come. And so you're doing this grieving process while they're still alive. And I I experienced that with my mom. You know, she was sick for a short amount of time, and so you're anticipating. And I also can identify with what you said about once they have passed on, there's a sense of relief because you know they're no longer in pain. And when you have the comfort that they've gone on to be with the Lord, you know, you there's a peace there, but there's a relief that you're not waiting. Could this be the day? Could this be the moment? You know, when is am I gonna be home? Am I not gonna be home? And you know, are my kids gonna, you know, et cetera? But for my husband, it was tragic and it was, it was, you know, instantaneous and instantaneous. And so there is no preparing for that. And I've often thought, and I've shared this before, and it's kind of a macabre thought, but I, you know, over the years, because of my experiences and and losing, you know, children and losing my mom, I had often thought, you know, well, would it is it would it be better to lose somebody instantaneously, or is or would it be easier to go through an illness, you know, where you have time to prepare? And I just don't think now that I've experienced both, there is no, there is no perfect situation because the grief is still there no matter what, whether it's over the course of months or years while they're alive, or after they're gone, you're still going through those different stages. Like you said, the anger, the bitterness. As you were speaking of bitterness, I I have a prayer journal that I keep. And um one of the things that I have, Sister Um Parker, is remove bitterness in Ephesians 4 and 31. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. Right. That is one thing that I have tried. I don't want to be bitter. I don't, I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to unfortunately this the circumstances that have happened in my life are tragic. I wouldn't wish them on anybody, but I have a che a choice to be bitter or better. And I don't want to be bitter. And it's I I attribute a lot of moving through and moving through that bitterness to widows like yourself and others who have encouraged me and strengthened me, you know, with their words.

unknown 16:34

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

So talk about your um how your children how you deal with grief with your children. And I know they're all grown and and you have grandchildren, but how how do you work through that grief with your children and then the church? Because you're still very much a part of the church. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Right that your husband builds. My oldest son took our church uh uh before my husband passed a little bit before. And uh we've all you know, we have our days. Our my children, I guess, are kind of a lot like me in that they they don't really fall apart too much. They you know, they carry it here, and every now and then we share memories, but it's we just kind of we've done pretty well, I think, overall, but we've stayed really busy, so that's my you know, the word praying and staying really busy is I don't mess around and get in my head too much.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Well, that's that's a good thing. That's a good thing. That's something else that I'm working on, is not ruminating on those thoughts. When those thoughts come into my mind, I'm really trying to say thank you, brain, and move on and not I can get caught up in those thoughts. And sometimes those thoughts lead to other things that you know, Philippians 4 and 8, think on things that are good and lovely and of good report, and they're not.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

When I when I when I lend my mind to you know harvesting those thoughts, it's a dead end street, and it just takes you nowhere but but down. And my kids, my grandkids, especially probably processing through because my son and his wife lived with us at the time, my husband wanted them here, and because we have a ranch, and so they helped, and then he had three little girls while they lived here, so they, you know, uh well, two of them. The third one wasn't born.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

I've heard the stories from my family, and then I have very good friends that are that are um people in your church, and I have heard all the stories of the hunting and the horseback riding and the whole, you know, the ranch, and it brings a smile to my face. But it was there anything after Brother Park, even during that time that Brother Parker was sick, or after he passed away that you suddenly had to learn to do on your own? Or maybe you maybe you said, I'm not, I've never had to do this and now I have to do it.

SPEAKER_00 19:10

Well, that's kind of funny because I I've done a lot of things with our marriage. I mean, I was very involved in everything and uh of the church, the marriage, the life. But my husband and I, and it's kind of funny you said the hunting, because when you I saw the question, I thought, ah, not really. But then when you said that, I thought, well, in 2019, when my husband was really sick right then, he was on uh chemotherapy radiation stuff with cancer and bone cancer, and uh I drew a big bull tag for bull elk tag for this area where I live, and it took me over 20 years to draw that tag, and I had to go hunting without him. Oh that was a real weird, weird. But my sons were helpful, but it was just different without him because we'd hunted all our lives together and we loved that and fished and so on and so forth, and I really haven't fished much since he passed, but um, I got a really nice bull that year. He was still alive, and so he got to be involved in the pictures and all that, and uh Eastman's um hunting journal actually did a big article with pictures and everything of that hunt because here I'm a 60-something year old woman, I think I was 67 then, and uh and they they and I wear a dress, you know, the whole nine yards. So they loved doing that article, and then in that was 2019, and I had gotten other bowls, but not one like that. And then um in 29 uh 2022, three, 2023, after my husband passed, I drew another tag, and it was over by my other son's house. And well, the other hunt I hunted 14 days hard in really steep country. And so that was the that was all new for me without my husband there. And then um I the other hunt, the last hunt, was it I just got in a four by four ranger thing, and in 15 minutes I had a huge bull on the ground. And so I was those kind of things I wish my husband could have experienced with me, you know, because um I had always I'd gotten elk throughout the years, but nothing like these last two elk. It was crazy. And I know this is so weird, not what most widows care about, but I'm different. I told you, I warned you. I'm an oddball.

SPEAKER_01 22:01

No, I I appreciate you sharing because you never know, you know, what someone else go has gone through in terms of their grief and how they process it and how they walk through it. And sometimes you feel like you're the only one. Well, I'm the only one who feels this way, or I'm the only one. And you find out that you're not, you know, so there may be somebody else who says, Oh, well, Sister Parker and I are just the same, you know. I I'm doing the same thing like Sister Parker.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Well, I was very involved in the church. So I started the school in 1985 and ran the school, taught in the high school, taught everything, but I taught high school English and Bible the last few years. And so um my daughter-in-law has taken over the school, which I'm thrilled about. I'm I'm 70 years old, so I'm I'm tired. Yeah, but I still like to be involved because I don't do good just sitting around. And um I I'm a Bible quiz coach. In fact, my team won first place at our regional finals, so that's so exciting. I get to take my team to nationals, and we're leaving next Thursday, and we're gonna be gone for three weeks. We're going on a bunch of with a bunch of teenagers, so that's what I like to do. So I try to stay involved, even though I'm not the pastor's wife anymore, and I've changed my roles a lot. I really like the change. I like doing what I do, but I like not having to do what they do, you know. Right. Yeah. Um, so that was a huge change, not just being a widow, but that whole ballgame, which a pastor's wife, you know, or someone who owns a business or anything like that. It doesn't just, your marriage doesn't just change, your whole life changes. So that was something. Um, there's one here that says, How do you honor your spouse's memory through faith? My husband loved missions work. And I love missions work, and I've really tried to keep very involved in helping start new churches all over the world. I went, I got right after he passed, I got to go to Ponpe and well to Marshall Islands, which we have a big Marshall Islands ministry. Yeah, and we have a lot of Marshall East churches all over the world. And but I got to go to Ponpe and uh I was helpful in winning a Ponapeian young man to the Lord a few years back. And after I went there, I visited with his family and kind of got the lay of the land. And anyway, he ended up going there with his wife and starting a church there. So that was really fun for me. But it was also one of those adventures that I'm used to having my husband go with me and I went on my own. And I have always, you know, relied on him because he's the adventurer, you know. But I'm finding out I'm actually more of an adventurer than I thought I was. Because I I'm not really slowing down on the adventures, and I like that part because I don't, you know, that's so good to hear.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

That's so good to hear, Sister Parker, because I think, you know, it's been my experience in talking to other widows and widowers. You know, sometimes, you know, trying, as we spoke at the beginning of the conversation, figuring out who you are after your spouse is gone. Sometimes people say, Well, I don't want to, the things that we did together brings me too much pain, and I don't want to do those things. And, you know, stepping onto an airplane or or going hunting for the first time that your spouse is not there can sometimes, you know, make people break people and say, nope, I'm not gonna go there. And I am similar to you in the fact that I know that my husband would want me to do the things that we did together. And I am going on a missions trip in August, and I'm very excited about that because that's something that you know I I love to do and I love to travel. And, you know, we were just we were right at that part of our life where our kids were old enough where we could leave and we could go travel and do other things. And so I I'm I'm glad to hear that even at 70 years old, you're still adventuring and you're you're finding joy in that.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Yeah, yeah. I my husband would really be disappointed in me if I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Um so I love my memories. I really love my memories, especially after I got through that little spell of you know, sparking anger in me. But um, sometimes my kids don't understand how like one little thing can can spark a memory or picture, just a little trinket or something. They think it's junk, you know, but to me it sparks a good memory, right? And then that that that's all great, and God's just it guiding me to making more memories. I'm not done making memories, right? You know, I um I'm just not done with it.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Um God's still writing your story, and so you still have pages together.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

So people people try to be um sympathetic and helpful, but sometimes I run from too much, and in actuality, I have um I've put some friends on the back burner because they just wouldn't leave it alone, you know. I I poured out to God, I don't need to, you know, talk about it a lot. Yeah, I'm I know that I'm the oddball there, you know, I'm just that way, but this is probably the most I've talked about it ever.

SPEAKER_01 28:20

So well, I'm grateful that you feel comfortable that you that you could that you could talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

Is there anything that you do special on um maybe Brother Parker's birthday or um no?

SPEAKER_00 28:37

I don't really, I just move on. There's I'm but I've not really been a holiday type person per se. Um I just try to honor him every day by living for God, and I love the word of God, and he was a great preacher and loved preaching. So uh and the doctrine. So I teach a lot of Bible studies and write some Bible studies, and I I just try to keep doing that. To me, that's days don't really mean a whole lot to me.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

One of the things that I would love to ask you is with all of your wisdom, what advice would you give to a new widow?

SPEAKER_00 29:23

I would say uh quit looking back so much, except for on positive things, and look ahead. Look ahead. There's hope in looking ahead. There's no hope in negative path, you know. Yeah, and I just choose hope. I I choose doing fun things. I you know, I ride, I I raise horses. My son and I are partners on a horse ranch, and we started that while my husband was sick, and my husband, he always lets me do whatever I want, pretty much, you know. And so um, but I've had horses all my life, so but I've really had fun with that. I ride a big blue roan stallion. Oh my goodness, and he's a big guy, and he he's wonderful, and I have four studs, my son and I do, and we have a bunch of mares. We have probably over 60 horses, and wow, we sell probably 20 a year to people around the United States, you know. I love that. I love the marketing, I love the marketing and the all the naming and the uh moving the herds and planning who's gonna be bred to who and what pedigrees are. I love doing all that. So um my advice for anybody is just find something to really get busy doing. Of course, the work of God is first and foremost, and I teach a lot of Bible studies, and I work in the school, and I can't do as much as I used to because I just get worn out, but I can do stuff, you know, and I'm gonna keep doing stuff. I'm not gonna pine away, as you know, the Bible says. But um, I uh I just my favorite part of my marriage was the dreaming part. We we came to Le Grand and we dreamed up things, and my husband used to say, um, I may blow this thing up one of these days, but I'm gonna try to do something. I'm gonna figure something out. Uh you know, he says, I'm gonna try all kinds of things. Well, I don't want to quit dreaming up big things, you know. I wanna um I just want to think up stuff and do it. And uh I'm just not letting those dreams die because that was the the most fun part, you know. Right. Um, I don't have to say goodbye to that. Right. I had to say goodbye to Jesse, but I don't have to say goodbye to that, and he wouldn't really want me to, right? Um, I just feel like I'm gonna live life as long as I can. And my only prayer, I'm ready to go right now. I I'm be thrilled to go to heaven right now. I do have some kids that aren't in church, and I would love for them to be uh before I go. That's uh my main goal. But um, as long as I'm alive, I my main prayer is don't let me be crippled and and to where I, you know, I can't. Now, if I am, I'll just pray and talk to people and do whatever I can. But while I can, I'm gonna do whatever I can. I'm gonna help people and help the church grow the church. But I also like my outdoor activities too.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Well, it has been such a pleasure to spend this time with you and to get your little nuggets of wisdom. You've definitely encouraged me and been such a positive um source of strength because to know that, you know, like you said, almost four years after Brother Parker has passed, that you're still living, you're still living, and you have such a positive attitude, and you are not letting you know what has happened and those those dreams that you guys had together, you're still carrying on with those.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Yeah. One thing other one other thing I would like to say is that my relationship with God, like I said, he's my best friend, and I can throw a tantrum with him and not have to clean up a mess with the relationship afterwards. I can cry and ball my head off and not have to explain. You know, I can laugh when most people are crying and he understands. And I can do, I you know, I I he is really fun for me to hang out with, and he really makes me a lot easier to be around for other people. And so the more, the more you you know can develop that relationship, I feel like the better. And sometimes I know people as a pastor's wife, I've seen people go through troubles, and instead of running and falling on the feet of God and holding on for dear life, they tend to back up and kind of be at arm's distance. I don't understand that concept, and I'm not, I don't want to understand that. I don't want to go there. The closer I can get to him, the better I am, and the busier I stay, the better I am.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

I think that that concludes this episode just perfectly because you've encapsulated how faith and how your your relationship with God has really kept you. And that is what's keeping you moving forward, and that's what's keeping that joy alive, you know, as you move, as you move forward. And I'm just again, I feel so privileged. It's been an honor to have you. I know many people are going to be blessed by by these words. And one thing that you said about, you know, just pouring your heart out and you know, maybe being angry or expressing that when when you do it in your prayer closet, you don't have to go back and apologize. Like you said, you don't have to beg for forgiveness. You don't have to tiptoe around, you know, we don't have to tiptoe around God. So that was a good reminder for me because sometimes I feel like, oh God, I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry that I'm sorry that I that I'm complaining. I'm sorry that I'm dealing with it.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

We can complain to him. That's the whole deal. We should never complain to other people, but we can just do all that crazy stuff with him. That's so true.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

That I need that reminder. So I I really do. So well, I'm looking forward to hearing about more of your stories in the future of the bulls that you're going to um to get a tag for, and and all of your fun adventures and your Bible quizzing that you're taking with teenagers, which is so brave, in my opinion. But I know that keeps you young and I know that keeps you busy and keeps you focused on moving forward. So thank you, Sister Parker, for being with us. And um, I look forward to the day that we get to actually meet in person and give each other a hug. And um, so thank you for being here today.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 36:45

Thank you for listening to the business of widows. If today's conversation brought you comfort, clarity, or hope, I invite you to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with another widow or widower who might need it. Remember, you are loved, you are seen, and you don't have to walk this road alone. Join me next time as we continue sharing real stories of grief, grace, and God's goodness because healing is holy and hope is still alive.