Why You Can't Let Go (And What Your Garage Is Really Holding) | Ep 8

Download The Home Blueprint (free): https://discovertheorganizedway.com/the-home-blueprint/

Every home has a place where things go to be forgotten. The garage. The attic. The storage unit. Out of sight, out of mind… except not really. Deep down, you know it's there. And it's taking up more mental space than you realize.

In this episode of Tame the Chaos, Elyse Metzger dives into what she calls The Holding Space — and why your garage, attic, and storage aren't just cluttered. They're holding the parts of your life you're not ready to face yet.

After six years of organizing for other families, Elyse has seen what lives in these spaces — and it’s almost never just stuff. It’s belongings tied to memories, grief, and past versions of yourself.

→ The Garage: the outer layer, where things go to transition out of your life (but somehow never do) 

→ The Attic & Storage Unit: the deeper layers, holding memories, grief, past versions of yourself, and inherited guilt from generations before you — The real question is are you holding on for logical reasons, or are you avoiding the emotions that come with letting go? 

This episode isn't about decluttering your garage in a weekend. It's about finally dealing with what's really going on in there — and giving yourself permission to let go.

Download The Home Blueprint — a free guide to seeing every space in your home and what it reveals about your life: https://discovertheorganizedway.com/the-home-blueprint/

🎙️ Tame the Chaos is a podcast about the mindset side of organizing and what it really looks like to create a home (and a life) that works, hosted by San Diego professional organizer Elyse Metzger. New episodes every other week.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Every home has a place that things go to be forgotten. The garage, the attic, the storage unit. It's the deal with it later zone. But does later really come? They hold the parts of life and memories you're not ready to let go of. I'm Elie Smetzker. Welcome to Tame the Chaos. The garage, the attic, the storage unit. These are all the places that become catch-alls for the things we don't know what to do with. Or we're not ready to decide on what to do with them. It's easy to shove things out there and forget about them for the time being. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Except they're really not out of our mind. Deep down back in our minds, we still know that we have that stuff to deal with. Even if we're not consciously thinking about it, it weighs heavily in our mental space. Even if your home is in order, everything's organized, there's a place for everything, your garage or storage unit or even attic may have those I don't know what to do with or want to deal with things in those other spaces. These are the spaces that hold things that are transitioning out of our life. It could be donations or we plan to give to another family member or sell or whatever the case may be. It's things that are being transitioned out of our lives. We tell ourselves that we may donate it eventually or give it away eventually, but it ends up sticking around longer than we originally planned. These spaces also hold items that we're emotionally attached to that we may not want to deal with at that moment. Memories, the grief, past versions of our lives that we're just not ready to let go of yet. It's like we're in limbo, but we don't realize how much mental space it really takes up. The longer it sits, the harder it may be to face. The garage represents an outer layer of ourselves. Things that are on their way out, but just not quite yet. It's where the items go to die or be given away. And the attic and the storage unit goes even deeper. Those are still our outer layers, but just things that are really deep and may become harder to face the longer they sit there. All of these spaces, the garage, attic, storage, they represent a piece of our lives, memories, people we've lost, past versions of ourselves that we don't want to let go. Being an organizer for six years now, I have seen a lot in people's garages and storage units. I've seen baby gear from families that children are now teenagers or older, exercise equipment from the version of yourself that you thought you'd become, boxes from moves, projects that you've started and never finished, hobbies that you're not into anymore, and maybe a former spouse's things that you don't know what to do with. And most importantly, stuff from previous generations that you've inherited that you feel guilty for getting rid of. When I talk about the storage spaces, one project comes to mind, and this was really a deep project. It was really fun and gratifying, though. A family had reached out to me, and it was this man who needed his storage unit cleared out. He had had it, I mean, decades. It may have been like 20 years, and it was actually stuff that was transferred from another storage unit, and it was the entire family's storage unit. It was two parents, they were not together anymore, but they had three grown children, and everyone was a part of the storage clean out. So we started with the man whose storage unit it was, and he didn't even live in the same city that the storage unit was in. He wanted nothing. I mean, literally, when we were done with the project, I think he left with maybe like a couple pictures, but that's it. And so the ex-wife was there as well, and one of the children, and then the two other children, we talked on the phone. We were actually on the phone with him while we were going through boxes. So there were so many old things in there. And so we were there for a couple of hours just cleaning out things, sorting things, figuring out what they were, who they belonged to. Towards the middle of the project, more when we took out furniture, there was this chair. I mean, it was really old. It had been sitting in there for, I mean, at least 30 years. And so there was like mildew on it. The mildew was wiped off. One of the family members really wanted to keep it because it was their brother's. They had planned on reupholstering it. And I'm sure that a lot of you can relate to this. Things that we hold on to that we have plans for, but we just haven't gotten to yet. So this chair has been in the storage unit for at least 30 years. It's the brother's chair. The person really had a lot of trouble getting rid of it. She insisted that we were going to keep it, but it was kind of beyond repair at that point. It wasn't the actual chair, it was more of the fear of letting go of the memory of her brother. I see this a lot when decluttering, especially the storage units, the attics, the garages. It's these memories that are attached to items. And it's not necessarily about the item, it's the memory. We have this fear that we may forget, or we're letting go of a person, or we're letting down somebody if we get rid of it, that we should keep certain items in honor of their memory. It's a real fear, and I see it in a lot of these projects. Another example with a client in their garage is a lot of empty nesters. They still have their children's items in their garage. I get this because I did it with my family. I kept all of my baby books and like memories in their garage, but really they don't want it anymore. So they don't want my books, but I don't want it in my garage either. But that kind of changed when I had my son. I really appreciated that they kept the books because he now reads the books that I read when I was a kid. So it's really great to see some things are worth keeping. But I would say a chair that was over 30 years old that was kind of beyond repair is something to go and honor that memory in a different way. A lot of these storage spaces also go into the generational view of keeping items and memories. As an older millennial, I don't want all of the china that comes from my family. When my mother died, we kept a lot of her stuff in the attic. When my grandmother died, which was six years ago, her stuff was also in the attic, as well as my mom's. Being the female from the next generation, I got all of that stuff. Being an organizer, I was able to go through it and I did get rid of a lot. There were just some things that didn't mean anything to me, so it was easier to get rid of. But I will tell you, in my garage today, I have boxes from my Grammy that I have already gone through, but I wasn't ready to let go of some things, and I didn't know if I wanted them. So I kept them. And I do have boxes in my garage. And it is in the back of my mind, especially being an organizer, that these are in my garage, and it kind of does take up mental space. Like, why do I have all this stuff? And if we're moving again, then I'm going to have to take this stuff with me. Going back to the millennials versus like baby boomers, they had a lot of stuff, and it was normal to hand down all of their things. For me, something that I really think about in these spaces when getting rid of things, something that I've realized is a lot of these things that are passed down to you are memories from that person. My grandmy had this chest, and it was like this old chest from Japan, and it was her mother's. And I know that it was really sentimental to her. She had all of her memorabilia in that chest. So when she died, I took it. And it was like me taking on her memory of her mom, but I never even knew her mom. So it's like this thing of holding on to items because you feel guilty because you're getting rid of that other person's memory, if that makes sense. So it's a lot of like memories, feeling guilty. My number one rule when I'm going through those things for both me and my clients, I will ask, what memory does this mean to you? Is it your memory? Do you actually like this item? You have to ask yourself a lot of questions. I think that this is a separate episode because it's really deep and you don't want to get rid of anything that you regret getting rid of. These spaces show what we're avoiding, and sometimes dealing with them helps us move forward. The garage is actually one of the first places I start with clients because it builds momentum. Since the garage is the space for the holding items, things that we need to get rid of, or we're not ready to get rid of, or we need permission to get rid of, we get the garage done, and then we can go work our way backwards into the house and in other spaces. So here's the thing: we have our folding spaces, let's call them. It doesn't make you lazy or messy for having those items in there. It's totally normal. We all have them. Sometimes we just need a holding zone for things that we're honestly not ready to let go of emotionally, mentally, and logically. And that's okay. But there is a difference between intentionally holding on to something, maybe for logical reasons, maybe you're just not sure if your daughter wants it or somebody else may want it, or if you're holding on to it because you're avoiding the emotions that come with it. There is a difference. You don't have to deal with it all at once. That's unrealistic and really overwhelming. So don't push yourself. I'm going to list off a couple questions to get you curious about your own holding space. What's been sitting in your garage the longest? What story is it telling? Is there anything in there from a previous version of your life that's over? It may be grown children, an old relationship, a hobby that you just don't do anymore. What would it feel like to actually let it go? Are you holding on to it for you or because you think you should? Remember this letting go of the items that don't serve you doesn't erase the memory of that person or experience. It just frees up physical and mental space. Keeping it doesn't keep the moment or person alive. Sometimes the garage is the easiest place to start because deep down you already know that it's ready to go. You just need permission to let it go. You don't have to go into the garage, attic, storage unit, whatever holding space you're using. But ask yourself if there's something out there that you're ready to let go of. Just be aware of it. You don't need to do anything yet. Awareness is the first step. Remember to be easy on yourself and do what you can. Progress over perfection. Taking action, even if it's small, is better than doing nothing at all. If this episode resonated, please share with a friend you think that needs it too. There's more to come in different areas of your home. Be sure to follow so you don't miss the next episode. I'll see you next time.