What I Gave Up to Feel Like Myself Again | Ep 14

I thought I was doing everything right. But a closer look made me realize I was running on empty.

In this episode, I get personal about the five things I gave up this year to feel lighter, both physically and mentally. From overconsumption and social media to obligations without joy, burning out, and perfectionism, I trace it all back to one thing: an overachieving, Type A personality that was quietly costing me.

This isn't a tips episode. It's an honest look at what it actually feels like to start living more intentionally and what you might need to let go of to feel like yourself again.

In this episode:

• Overconsumption and what it's actually costing you beyond your wallet
• Why I deactivated my personal social media accounts
• The difference between doing things with joy vs. doing them on autopilot
• Running on fumes as a high-functioning overachiever
• Perfectionism as a Type A professional organizer and why I'm letting it go

This week's reflection: What is one thing in your life that is draining you? How can you change it, remove it, or replace it with something that actually gives you energy? 🤔

Tame the Chaos is a podcast about the mindset side of organizing and what it really looks like to create a home (and a life) that works, hosted by San Diego professional organizer Elyse Metzger. New episodes every other week. 🎙️ 

Connect with Elyse:

Instagram: @the.organized.way

Facebook: The Organized Way

YouTube: @theorganizedway

Website: discovertheorganizedway.com

Have a question or topic idea? DM me. I'd love to hear from you!

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In the San Diego area? I work with clients for home organizing and move management. Book a free consult.

Transcript

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Earlier this year, I realized that I was burnt out and exhausted. Not from doing too little, but from actually doing too much. I'm sharing five things I let go of this year to feel lighter, both in my home and in my head. A lot of what I gave up traces back to one thing, and that is overachieving type A personality. So if you're wired the same way, you'll want to hear this. I'm Elise Metzger, organizer and founder of The Organized Way. Welcome to Tame the Chaos. Earlier this year, I had a birthday. I'm in my early 40s and I'm just feeling like something needs to change. I'm pretty sure that this is what people may call a midlife crisis. But whatever the feeling is, I am feeling exhausted, burnt out. I'm not feeling like myself. I just feel like there's more to life. And so since late last year, I've been really trying to tune into what is draining me and what is giving me energy. And I've really realized a lot. Quick disclaimer before I go into what I stopped doing to make me feel better and more like myself to live a simpler life. Yes, I am a professional organizer. I literally teach people how to live a simpler life, functional life. I help people through really major life transitions. But yes, I am human and I don't have everything figured out. So I want to share a little bit about my journey about becoming intentional about the way I live. And the first thing is these five things that I gave up. I'm not sure if this is what they call a midlife crisis, but whatever it is, I am feeling like something needs to change. And I'm sure like other women in their mid-40s or whatever age, I'm sure that a lot of you are feeling the same way. So the first one is overconsumption, aka shopping. I mentioned this before. I love to shop. This has been me since a little girl. Shopping was kind of like my cure all when I felt anxious or when I just wanted to celebrate. I just remember shopping with my Grammy and I loved looking in like the Delia's catalog. I even took my dad shopping. I love to shop and now I love to online shop. However, it was becoming too much. I was noticing we just had too much stuff in the house, things that we didn't really necessarily need. And they were just taking up space, more decisions on what to do with them. It just felt like clutter to me, both physically in the home and mentally. Plus, it's really bad for the environment. The more we consume, it adds to the world's trash and pollution. Whenever I'm in a client's home, there's always plastic bags. Nothing against it. I have plastic bags too. But if they say, oh, we don't need those, just toss them. I think it's just because I see so much of this. All I can think about is just all the trash bags floating in the ocean, like on some poor turtle's head or something. I always try to repurpose those plastic bags as much as I can and everything else that is getting tossed. Because you know, when we return things to Amazon and when we donate some things, those things, most of them, do end up in landfills. It's a huge problem. And since as being an organizer and being in other people's homes, everyone has donations, everyone has trash. That's totally normal. But I think for me, just seeing it on a higher level and more frequently, I really do see how much stuff goes in landfills. So for me personally, I try not to overconsume. And some things that I do to curb my shopping is I've unsubscribed from a lot of brand emails. So you know, I'm sure you get the same thing, a ton of emails, just marketing emails. And I just unsubscribe from them or just delete them. So I don't even get tempted to shop for clothes. Clothes are my favorite. Clothes and accessories are my favorite things. I mean, what girl wouldn't want to shop for clothes and accessories? So I just leave out the temptation. I just don't even look at it. Plus, my time is better spent not scrolling through clothing brands and everything. I could be doing something better with my time. I've also been really intentional about what I buy from the clothes that I buy to the food that I buy. Even when I'm in the grocery store, I will think, oh, okay, are we going to really eat this? Are we going to be in town all week? Or are we going out for some of the weeks? Or are we going out for some dinners? Are we going to eat this? Is my son going to eat this? So when I'm at the grocery store, I'm really intentional. Also, about things we need around the house, clothes, my son's clothes, kitchen stuff, food, everything. I am really intentional about it. And I think about everything I buy and where it's going in my home. And that has really, really helped me. Also, if there's like a big purchase we need to make or even a smaller purchase, I will sleep on it. I will think, okay, well, I really need that. Let me give it a couple of days and I'll sleep on it. And in a couple of days, if I still need it, want it, love it, then I'll get it. These things have really helped me be intentional. And I am not at all against shopping. I just think with like everything else in moderation. Second thing I gave up was social media. This is a big one for me. It was taking up a lot of unnecessary mental space for me. Seeing all the political posts, the AI-generated content, fear-mongering posts, it just gives me through the roof anxiety, especially looking at it before going to bed. I'm sure we all know this. Let's not scroll before we're going to bed. It is not a good idea. All the social media, seeing all of these opinions and on a really fast pace, it just is so much anxiety and it sticks with me. If I do it before bed, obviously I think about it before going to bed. That is like the absolute worst thing you can do. If I look at it, it'll stick with me. Things that I see, whether or not they're true, you still visually see it and it's in your head and it is not good for you. Plus, not to mention all of the hours, minutes, whatever, all of the time you waste just scrolling, like not even thinking, scrolling. And this is actually like a dopamine pit. You know, we're so addicted to social media because it's dopamine for our brains and it's just really fast paced. It's just not good. I deactivated my social media accounts about two weeks ago, and it's really helped. I've actually really enjoyed just not being tempted to even look at social media. I do still have it for my business, but it just changed for me not having so many accounts to look at. It was really overwhelming. And I'm not fed all of this fear, political, negative content. So the times that I do normally scroll through social media would be right before going to bed. Also, that's the time for me when I usually shop. But instead, I read a book now or I write some things in a journal or write some things in my notepad. And it's really, really helped. It's also helped me get better asleep. So I highly suggest minimizing your time on social media. My third habit that I gave up is boundaries. I decided to practice my boundaries and not let people make boundaries for me. So I started noticing that I was doing things on autopilot. I was participating in activities out of obligation rather than actually finding joy in them. One example I can think of was in my organizing association group. I was serving as secretary for two years. And at that time, my son was young. He was in preschool and I was building up my organizing business. And I did the second year. I served as secretary for the second year just because I did the first year. And in my mind, I was thinking that I wanted to really be there for my association and the other members. At that time, there wasn't much participation, especially in the leader positions. And so I just did it for the others, for the other members. And it was just becoming too much because I had to drive a little bit further and the meetings were really late at night, and I was already busy from my business. And I wanted to spend more time with my son. I wanted to put him to bed and the extra notes I was taking. It was becoming too much. And they had even asked me to stay on. And also the time out of obligation, the amount of work it would take to transfer the responsibilities and train someone else. I did think about it and it took a lot for me to say, no, I can't do this, not this time in my life. Another example is real time. So if any of my tennis ladies are listening, I love you to death. So I started playing tennis in 2020. I actually learned how to play tennis and I fell in love with it. I've always wanted to play tennis. It's been like my dream to play tennis. Just not like as an all-star or anything. I'm very, very far, far from that. But just to play tennis, learn how to play tennis. I loved it. I joined a league. And so I've been on the league ever since. But also with my business and my organizing projects, it became too much for me. So our league is on like a Wednesday. And so I would always in my mind like, oh, am I going to be scheduled? Am I going to be scheduled? So it prevented me from booking with my clients. It was just a lot of mental space. Even though the practices and the matches were on certain days, I didn't know if I could be at those practices or do the match. It just was all up in the air. It was just a lot of mental capacity it took to manage that and working. Also, I didn't really have a lot of time to go to the practices. So I wasn't getting better and I wasn't practicing for my matches. And it just became too much for me. The last couple of seasons, I have signed up just out of habit because I don't want to miss out. In this group, I have found a lot of support, love, friendships. I have a lot of fun, but really I'm not able to engage as much as I did the previous years. So I am standing my ground and I am not going to sign up for this season's league because it's a busy time in my life right now. And I just don't have time to fully commit to it. And I actually play tennis a little bit better because I don't have that mental pressure. And a lot of times it can be really scary to step away from the things that we're comfortable with. And we do like doing, we just don't have time. For whatever the reasons, it can be scary to step away from what is comfortable. But I always I just remind myself that it's only a season of life and I can always come back to it. And usually when I give up things for this specific reason that it's draining me instead of giving me energy, I look back and it was the best decision I could make. The fourth thing I gave up was running on fumes. So as a type A high-functioning overachiever, so I'm told, I always like to go the extra mile for whatever I'm planning or doing. So if my son is having a birthday party, I will plan it and I will go the extra mile to make sure that all the decor matches every single piece of it. I will run myself down to the ground just to find everything that matches. I usually go extra on a lot of things I planned, but this leaves me running on fumes and little time for relaxation or time to myself. So lately I have been intentionally taking time to relax and be present in the moment. So in the moment, if I am on my computer and feeling like I need a break, or even if I'm on a project and just feeling really pressured and need a break, I will go outside to get some sunshine or take a little walk. Sometimes I will brush my dog. It's actually one of my favorite things to do. He loves it. I love it. It's calming, it's bonding time with my dog. He's also a lab, very, very furry, so he could use a brushing every day. I also prioritize my physical activity. I will do Ligris in the morning, and that makes such a difference in my mental clarity. Just that 40 minutes in the morning gives me that mental clarity the whole day. And I sleep like a baby that night. I will also play tennis, not on the league, but a clinic or a lesson. It gives me social time. I'm out in the sun, I'm running around. It can be as simple as a small walk or just sitting outside and getting fresh air. I will also listen to music and it really calms me. Since I've been intentional about running on fumes and burning myself out, the more that I practice it and become intentional about it, the more I notice it and the easier it is to notice it. Looking back, I can't believe that I've run myself down to the ground as many times as I did. It's like once you start doing it, once you start seeing how much it's harming you, the overthinking, the wanting to do extra, the more that you see it drains you, the more that you just can't go back to it. Last one, being a perfectionist. This is a big one for me. As you can imagine, as a professional organizer, there tends to be some perfectionist traits in my personality. And I'm sure if you are type A, you have similar traits. So this has a lot to do with my overthinking, over planning, similar to the running on themes things where you just want to be extra, you want everything to be perfect, you overplan. It's also overthinking. This doesn't just go for planning and all the mental load it takes to be a perfectionist. It's also in my physical space. I will want something to look a certain way, or I will want my husband or son to put things in a certain spot or do things a certain way. It's just so mentally draining to try to manage all of these things, have everything perfect. This year I've let some things go. And while my space isn't as organized as I would like it to be, it's pretty functional and it works, but I'm really calm. I'm more calm than I actually have been in a really long time. And it's because I let things go. I just let them be good enough, and it's really worked out for me. It's worked out for me both in my business and my home. I just don't need to use that extra mental space in my brain to make everything perfect. I can use it for other things like connecting with my son, my husband, my friends, doing things that I love. I don't have to be perfect. And a lot of that is letting go of expectations of what you think things should be. So I still am a work in progress on this. And even all the things that I just mentioned, I'm still working on this. If something doesn't go the way that I thought it was going to go, I remind myself that it's not meant to be. Things will happen, and things always work out. Because if there's anything we know for sure, it's taxes, death, and the fact that we know life will always throw us surprises. To be honest, I don't have the energy to be extra anymore. So these days I practice a lot of gratitude and thankfulness for what I do have and faith knowing that everything will work out. In general, me sharing these things that I stopped doing is not to become like a minimalist monk. It's just to start being intentional about what we let into our mental space and our physical space like our home. It really, really affects us in ways that we don't always realize. So being intentional about what we bring into our lives is the first step. Noticing what is draining you rather than giving you energy leads to a more simpler life because your mental space isn't taken up by things that are draining you. This week I want you to identify one thing in your life that is draining you. How can you remove it, change it, make it work for you, and find something that gives you energy that adds to your life, that gives you joy instead of what is draining you? We often live our lives on autopilot, and I've been really realizing this at the age I am. And I think a lot of my friends and women that I talk to in my same age group are feeling the same. We are not who we used to be. We don't have the same desires, wants, and needs. They have changed, and so it's time to change ourselves too and live more intentionally, more joyful lives. So be sure to tell me what is draining you or what is giving you energy. I would love to hear from you. As always, thank you for listening. I really hope you got something out of this, and I will see you next time. Bye for now.