Where Else Can I Make Friends Outside Work?

Hi everyone! I'm back with a follow up to the "Coworkers Aren't Your Friends" episode. So many of you all resonated with that topic, so I created an episode that is a practical guide to making friends outside of work.

I talk about specific places to go that create healthier and longer-lasting connections and recapping why workplaces are harder today to create strong friendships.

In this episode I go into topics about:

• choosing recurring hobbies over one-off events 

• dance, writing workshops, group fitness, improv, choir, martial arts as perfect environments for building friendships

• skill-based learning like languages, book clubs, pottery, welding, acting and music production 

• faith and spiritual communities for consistent connection 

• volunteering as a filter for kind, empathetic people

• animal shelters, community gardens, mutual aid groups and how to find them 

• playing the long game and avoiding instant over-investment                             

• being intentional, staying open, handling awkwardness, risking rejection 

Let me know in the comments, wherever you are listening, what are you challenging yourself to commit to for the next 4 weeks in order to start building new friendships?

Come back every week and let us know how it has been going...what are you learning, have you met anyone new yet, and what has been hard about it?

I'll see you all in the next episode!

-Jacq

Transcript

Hello From Jacq And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone, I'm Jack and welcome back to the Friendship Studio where we think out loud about friendship, culture, and technology in the modern world. And we're back in this episode, we're talking about where else we can make friends as adults that is not work-related. It's not at work, it's not at the workplace. Where else can we go? I'm really excited to talk about this topic because a lot of you all really actually connected with all of the work videos, the work and friendship videos, and why they either don't work that well or if they cause a lot of issues. So I really wanted to come back to the topic and give some ideas on places where we can actually cultivate friendships that I believe last longer and are healthier than actually trying to make friends at work. And some of these ideas are they're personal ones that I've tried, and some of them are just things that I came across when I was researching this topic, and I thought that would be good. Those are also good places to go to try to make new friends. But before we get into that, I just kind of wanted to go recap a little bit about what I talked about in the past work, um, workplace and friendship videos. Me, you know, it it's not to feel bad for trying to make friends at work. It makes a lot of sense. We spend a lot of time and energy at our jobs. So it's going to, for most of us, be our default to making friends. You know, we're gonna build, try to build connections there because we're there so much. And a few of you actually in the comments made some good points about being able to have friends at work and and having been able to have friends at work, but that it depended on the industry and also that in the past, you know, it was a lot easier to make friends at work. And I think the reason why it was easier to make friends in the past, and probably I'm thinking like we're talking about in the last before the last like 20 years or so. Um it was easier to make friends and keep friends because workplace workplaces were a lot more stable. But in the last couple of decades, work has been disrupted so much by increasing globalization and technological shifts and a lot of work from home stuff. And it's just overall, it's just created a lot less of a stable environment for us to build those connections at work. And on top of that, it's just a really wild job market globally. And again, it just kind of creates this competition, and that's not a place where you can actually build a real friendship. Okay, so where are we actually able to make friends outside of work? I wanted to create a practical guide that I think can help you pick out some places that could actually work for you, no matter if you live in a big city or more rural area, the suburbs, or even if you don't live in the US. Just I think these are some something you can find, something that you can do and a place that you can go or maybe even create to start to make new friends outside of work. So I broke these down into like I call them buckets. So five buckets and one bonus area that you can also try to try to meet new people. And the first one are going to be recurring places to do hobbies. So emphasis on the recurring. You don't want to do one-off ones because you need something that's gonna have you be committed to being there the same time every week, something like that. So maybe you sign up for the first one. I have is like a dance class. This is like something I grew up in the art. So dance classes are usually the same one, kind of like every week, the same time. And you can sign up for one, even if you're like brand new to dance, you can sign up for one that maybe goes on for eight weeks, and that's a that's just a great way. You show up every single week at the same time, you're starting to see the same people. Maybe you then take another class, you know, with some of those people in that class. Um, so I think dance classes are great. It's also good for a workout as well. Writing workshops are great. I've also taken those, and it's there's a lot of um, a lot of times writing workshops can be quite vulnerable, especially if you're sharing things. So it's a way to get to intimately know people within your class. Fitness communities are really good as well. I think I want to make a distinction between just going to the gym, which can be a very solo thing, as opposed to I would say join group classes. That's my favorite way to work out, whether it's a dance class or a fitness class. I love group classes. And again, you're moving your body, you're you're meeting other people who also like to be active. So that's a great, that's a great thing. You're you're meeting other people who are doing things, you know. And yeah, it's just it's a lot of fun. It's it's just good endorphins that are running through your body, and like it's just it's a it's a great environment to to meet other people. And again, maybe it doesn't happen right away, but over time, you know, maybe the next session you go to and you see some of the same people and you just start talking, and it's all it takes is like one person, you know, you don't have to make friends with everybody in the class. Um, a couple of the other ones are improv classes, which I've never taken. I've done theater and things like that, but I've never done a straight improv class, but I've heard it it's really great. Another one that's very like vulnerable, but anything where you're like laughing with people and just having fun, I think that's a great one. A choir class, again, you're uh being active, you're being creative, and you're in a group. And also I like martial arts too, kickboxing classes, all of those things are really good recurring hobby spaces. The second bucket is gonna be skill-based learning. So those are gonna be things like language classes, they're gonna be book clubs, they're gonna be creative intensives, like pottery, welding, acting, music production, anything like that. And it's really good if you can try to do these things in person. I think in person and again recurring, doing it for at least four weeks, six weeks, eight weeks. That's how it helps be the most effective to actually meeting people and then branching off and maybe trying to do something outside of that class. But if you are more shy, doing something online is a good start, or maybe if it's hybrid, it can still help you meet people and make some connections. The third bucket is faith or spiritual-based communities. So, whatever you believe in, if faith and spiritual-based communities are a great way to be around people who feel similar to you. Um, and most faith communities have regular, consistent meeting times. And again, that's great for building relationships and having that consistency. And a lot of faith and spiritual communities also have opportunities to give back and to do community service, which brings me to my next bucket, which is going to be volunteering. So, volunteering is amazing, it's a great, great way. I've actually done this a lot. It's a great way to meet people anytime you're meeting people that are volunteering. You know that you are meeting people that are generally kind, empathetic, socially aware, all of that. Some places that you can go to are animal shelters, and I've done that personally. I've done it for the cats and the dogs, and so no matter what type of animal you like, volunteering at an animal shelter is a great way to meet people. Also, this isn't necessarily volunteering, but I want to mention like having a dog, which I don't, I don't have a dog, I do have a cat. I don't have a dog, but I love dogs. And having a dog when I've dog sat and I've gone outside, walked the dog, it is a great way to meet people. If you're going to the dog park, you know, the same time pretty much every day or every week, you take your dog to the dog park, let them run around, you're usually going to start seeing some of the same people. So having a dog is also a great way to meet friends. Community gardens, I've not done that, but I've seen them all over the city that I'm in. And community gardens are another great way. If you have a green thumb or you want to develop one, community gardens are a great way to meet people. And then another one in the volunteering space is going to be mutual aids, which I didn't know anything really about mutual aid groups, but when I researched it, basically mutual aid groups are a type of volunteering that is community-led and they focus on providing resources and services for the local community. So the emphasis is really grassroots, it's very local, and they focus on things like maybe food delivery, rents, and financial support, community fridges, ride shares, disaster relief, or skill sharing. So if you have a skill that is you think could be helpful to other people, you can join a mutual aid group and help by sharing that skill with people in the community. And you can just do a quick online search, or I actually like community boards in your local grocery store, and those places will typically help you find a mutual aid group that you can join. And the fifth bucket is going to be structured social groups. These are going to be things like running or walking clubs, which I have never done, but I have been thinking about it lately because I heard it's a great way to meet people. I think I keep coming back to the fact that if you're doing something creative and you're doing something physical or you're doing something that helps the community, those are great ways to meet people. Um, I think you can make lifelong friends there, or at least friendships that can last a really, really long time. And so walking or running groups are great. Co-ed sports leagues, which are so much fun. Um, those are going to be things like volleyball and black football, which I have done, and baseball, kickball, things like that. Those are also great structured social groups. Meetup groups. Meetup groups can be really hit or miss, but you can find a lot of the topics that I talked about, you know, like the certain classes or creative things. You can find those in meetup groups, but a lot of them tend to be like one-off events or they are free. And so there's not like as much of an incentive to continually go. And I think the thing is if you're gonna do meetup groups, you kind of have to make it, you have to make a promise to yourself that you're gonna consistently show up because again, they tend to be one-off events, or there's not like you don't have to pay for them. All the other things that I'm talking about, they either there's something that's relying on you or you have to pay for it, or like it goes on for a certain amount of time. And I think that's where you know it's really helpful because it creates that structure that we need, right? Just like work brings in that structure, these things can kind of bring in the structure. Again, whether it's money that you're paying, or you get to know people in the class and you're like, okay, like I don't want to let these people down, you know, there's gotta be a reason. You have to have a reason to continually show up. And the last one within the structured social groups are networking groups. And I think it's important to try to get away from things that are work-related and meet, meet people and do networking that for other things, other interests in your life, whether it's like gamers or if you're want to meet other podcasters and network with other podcasters. If you want to learn more about public speaking, like Toastmasters is a like a national one in the US, it may be international, I don't know, but it's definitely one in the US. Maybe you're a film buff and you want to meet other people who enjoy reviewing films or making films, or maybe you're an international student and you want to network with other international students. So those are all things that I think are great. They fall into structured social groups. The last one though is a bonus one. And it's a bonus one because it's not really about, it's not about making new friends, it's about reconnecting with people that maybe you've lost contact with. So old classmates, former roommates, and just people that you may have drifted away from, but you still like. And obviously, if there's a real reason why you don't want to be friends with them anymore or connect with them, that's fine. But maybe if it's just that you fell away, you know, you moved, you kind of just lost contact, maybe reconnecting with them is a great way to kind of get started. And you can take the things that you've learned about, all these different activities, if they're in the same city as you or same area, and you can go and do those things with a former friend. You can use that way to kind of reconnect. So, in general, you do have to realize that making friends outside of work is going to require some things from you. It's gonna require you to be intentional. You have to be open because the shit might be get a little awkward for a while. Meeting new people as adults does tend to be a little bit more awkward than when we were younger. And you have to be willing to feel rejection and to risk having rejection. Maybe you hit it off with people right away, but it doesn't end up working out past the class or whatever you join. You have to be willing to risk that rejection in order to get those one or two or group of friends. And you have to be willing to play the long game because going at it more slowly is going to be what builds, you know, the real long-term friendships. Best friend overnight is probably gonna fizzle out really fast. So don't overinvest immediately. That's why I love, you know, the dance classes, the improv, the things where you're being creative. If you're doing something that you want to do anyway that helps you with your physical goals or your creative goals or anything like that, it's kind of a win-win no matter what happens. And so just go into it with an open mind. Know that, yeah, there might be some awkward moments or you might get rejected, but it's a lot better to try to build in these environments than with work. So I hope that some of these things were helpful to you guys. I'm actually gonna do some of them myself very soon. And if it was helpful, let me know by liking or rating wherever you're listening, and also leave a comment because I love hearing what you guys are saying and thinking, and I always respond back to um to you guys' comments. I also want you to challenge yourself to pick one of these ways that we talked about, one of these ways that you can meet new people, make friends, and do it for at least four weeks. And every week I want you to come back and let us know how it's been going so we can keep cheering you on, see how it's going for you, and um keep encouraging you to keep going because it's gonna take time, but you can do it. Take care of yourself, guys, and get out there, meet new people. I'll see you all in the next episode. Bye.