Battletech: Legends and Mechs!
A Battletech-focused podcast, discussing the stories, lore, and universe of the Inner Sphere. For people who love listening to tales about big stompy 'Mechs and want to know more about all the amazing adventures that can happen anywhere from Terra to out on the far edge of the Deep Periphery!
Battletech: Legends and Mechs!
Arena Series Episode 05
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Welcome back to Solaris VII! This week's exhibition match is between the Xandria City Blues and the Emerald Predators, and marks the first time we've had a Piranha on the field!
It also marks the first time we've managed to get the interview chamber operational, so Marx and co-host Tai Kang Zhou have a chance to talk with the four brave 'Mech jockeys heading into the arena before the match!
Welcome to Battletech Legends and Max, a short story podcast telling tales from around the inner sphere and beyond. Hello, gladiatorial sports fans! Coming to you from the recording bunker on Solera 7, it's time for the exhibition match number four. I'm your host, Marks, and I'm joined today by none other than our compelling correspondent, the great Taekang Zhao. Welcome back to the bunker, Ty Kang.
SPEAKER_03Nice to be back, and so soon I thought you'd want to get Bill Kim, the Dracona's correspondent, or that insufferable jerk-face jerk, Adam Whoopdy-Dood Davion, on the show before calling me back.
SPEAKER_02That's true, but schedules being what they are, our audience is going to have to wait to get reintroduced to our full line of commentators.
SPEAKER_03Ah, yes, I forgot that people working for lesser houses do not have the freedoms granted to those of us fortunate enough to work under House Liao. It must be hard.
SPEAKER_02Said like a true patriot. This is our fourth exhibition match of the season between the Xandria City Blues and the Emerald Predators.
SPEAKER_03This is gonna be a great fight. Bringing the cold, calm, calculating blues into the talons of the hot-blooded predators.
SPEAKER_02The Predators have learned from last week's match between the Aces and the Hunters and have elected not to send in fresh rookies. Yes, we are thrilled to bring you the pre-match question period. Brief interviews with both lances for today's match. But first, let's take a moment to talk about the arena and the circumstances of today's fight.
SPEAKER_03Despite the relatively small size of the arena, only 450 meters wide by 510 meters long, this is a venue that favors powerful mid-range weaponry to take advantage of those big open spaces. It's half the size of a standard lance-on-lance arena, but for pairs of combatants, it is very tight quarters.
SPEAKER_02Today's match will be in our famous Lance Commander format, in which the two teams are trying to destroy the heavier mech on their opponent's side. In the case of simultaneous destruction, the team that destroys more tonnage of enemy mechs will win.
SPEAKER_03Oh, it sounds like the first team has stepped into the media room.
SPEAKER_02That would be the two competitors for the blues, the twins Aaron Blazer James and Amanda Faser James.
SPEAKER_04Hello, Marks! Hello, Ty Kang. Nice to be here! We are ready to run out with our gundom.
SPEAKER_02Pleasure to have you both in the book. Thanks for coming down. Now, Aaron, I believe you will be in the Forzer 4R today.
SPEAKER_04That's right! I love that machine! A great melon, some weaponry, armor, and enough speed to get where it needs to go. My brother's all trailer, no trailer.
SPEAKER_03Ah, Amanda, you are the lance leader for today's match, and I expect you are bringing your Axeman 1N.
SPEAKER_05Didn't right I am. The one fist is iron, the other is steel. And if the left one don't get yet, then the right one has a freaking axe. Woo! Oh yeah!
SPEAKER_04We've been chopping at the bet since the lists reopened! Captain Lackner is real eager to see how we can handle this challenge. And this will be my first fight in a major league.
SPEAKER_03Major league is somewhat subjective.
SPEAKER_05Compared to the Product arenas we used to play at, the lists are the big leagues, baby. And we are ready to bring our A game.
SPEAKER_02What's the main strategy you'll be bringing against the predators?
SPEAKER_05Erin's gonna set him up. And I'm gonna knock him down.
SPEAKER_04Woo! I'm sorry. She always gets like this before a big match. Pure energy out of the cockpit. As soon as she steps into the arena, she's as cold and calculating as a tiger.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, party before the match, but I'm all busy doing. I am the mullet of this hilarious game.
SPEAKER_03What about your opponents? Do you have any concerns about facing two of the predators' elite fighters?
SPEAKER_04I've been watching holes and bullet holes in her piranha. And that is a fast little mech. You have to respect that much point playing firepower.
SPEAKER_05And gosh, is this zippy? Air is a fishing duty. We're gonna reel the piranha, so we can defend the predic. One good hit to take it out and into that long sweet good night.
SPEAKER_02Alright, well, best of luck to both of you in today's match. Any parting thoughts?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I've been working on a catchphrase. I think every good mech warrior needs one. Here we go again. I was thinking eat my axe.
SPEAKER_02Not bad. Just don't use it too often, or you'll be Thor in the morning.
SPEAKER_03That joke was awful, and you should feel awful for making it. And Mighty Thor used a hammer.
SPEAKER_02Well, thanks for coming on down, James Twins. Good luck up there.
SPEAKER_03Young, energetic, not the usual choice for a team as sturdy and reliable as the Blues.
SPEAKER_02They're trying to bring some energy to their stable, and the James Twins might be the ticket to do that. Both of them scored in the third tier for gunnery, but Aaron only scored in the fifth tier for piloting, while Amanda's a solid fourth tier.
SPEAKER_03This means the Predators will be at a slight advantage since both of their pilots are third-tier gunners and fourth tier pilots. Not a big difference, but we saw last week how important staying on your feet can be in these small arenas.
SPEAKER_02We did indeed. Thanks for having us. It's an honor to be here.
SPEAKER_03Landlord? That's an interesting choice for a call sign, Sean. What's the origin?
SPEAKER_01Well, that mechai palette is a cyclops, a big chonk and assault mech, and lords over the battlefield. My usual strategy is to find some piece of land near the middle of the arena and dominate it. Hence the name.
SPEAKER_00And then when everyone is distracted by his big lumbering monster, I run around and stick bananas and tailpipes.
SPEAKER_02Uh, except in this case, the bananas are bullets?
SPEAKER_00So many bullets. A piranha has about as much armor as a wet paper bag, but I am fast enough that it does not matter. If they cannot hit me, then my armor is effectively infinite.
SPEAKER_01The trick's not falling for those tempting shots that put you in the way of harm. So it is my job to keep the blues focused on me, and her job to make them regret it when they do.
SPEAKER_03I assume you've both been preparing for this match for some time. How do you feel about the James twins?
SPEAKER_01Who? No, no, I jump. Those kids have a lot of energy, but I do not think that they have the killer instinct you need. We are always pushing forward, and I do not think there is any slogan or motto that will matter when my AC20 opens fire.
SPEAKER_00And even if they survive a hit from the big gun, my 12 machine guns will tear the insides out of most mechs faster than you can say, eat my axe.
SPEAKER_02Alright, well, good luck out there. Looking forward to seeing the match.
SPEAKER_03I I know we're not supposed to have favorites, but I do. And it's the predators. The professionals. Through and through. Consummate professionals.
SPEAKER_02I just can't get over the clan's lack of contractions when they speak, but the way they talk doesn't have an impact on the way they fight.
SPEAKER_03I am surprised that Landlord is driving an inner sphere mech instead of a clan option. Although, that stated, you can certainly get a higher tonnage of mech that way.
SPEAKER_02I think that is the goal. We do our best to make sure that all of our matches are as closely aligned to the value of the pilots and their mechs, but at the end of the day, sometimes you want a 90-ton Cyclops instead of a 45-ton ice ferret.
SPEAKER_03True, and of course, none of the stables are under any contractual obligations to run specific machines, although their options right now are a little on the slim side.
SPEAKER_02Well, the pilots have made their trip back up the elevator and into their mechs. So it's time to get the show on the road, right after a word from our sponsors. Are you tired of the same old dinner? Honey, are we having tuna casserole again? Why not try Alberta beef for your main course? Throw in a side of roast potatoes, a Caesar salad, and a thick slice of fresh bread. Alberta beef for dinner is a meal that will be the highlight of your week. Steaks, burgers, roasts. There's nothing else quite like Alberta beef. A 12-inch New York strip. You do love me. Bring home some Alberta beef today and become the hero of your family's dinner. Welcome back. First on the ramp is Aaron Blazer James and his Enforcer 4R.
SPEAKER_03Ah, the Enforcer is armed with a Federated Autocannon AC-10, an excellent large caliber weapon, famous for its sturdy and reliable design. It's complemented by a Chris Comp 43 large laser and also a Chris Comp32 small laser on the left torso, which is useful for cooking a single hamburger in about an hour.
SPEAKER_02A 50-ton medium vent with a top speed of 64 kph in a Nissan 200 fusion engine, it's a simple machine, but it's as reliable as it comes. 12 heat sinks is enough for most combat operations unless Blazer decides to jump around too much.
SPEAKER_03Here comes his twin sister, Amanda Faser Jeans, and her 65-ton Axeman 1N. Just looking at the signature axe in its right hand gives me shivers. Long enough to bring its Luxor Devastator 20 autocannon to bear. Backed up with a trio of in-tech medium lasers and a Sutel precision line large pulse laser. That is a lot of firepower. And again, that 5-ton hatchet is no slouch against anything foolish enough to get within melee range.
SPEAKER_02Usually double heat sink mechs don't have to worry about their thermal buildup, but not so in the case of the Axemen. That terrifying weapon loadout means that if Phaser fires everything, she will very quickly face shutdown or internal ammo explosions.
SPEAKER_03And here come the Predators, that's Candace Bullet Hose Hill in her piranha in its primary configuration. What a machine and what a brave mech warrior to operate it.
SPEAKER_02Although we here at the list do everything we can to ensure the safety of our mech warriors, running around with padded cotton for armor and two tons of ammunition, well, bullet hose is definitely brave.
SPEAKER_03Well, as she said in the pregame show, that 20-ton mech is fast. Topspeed is a blistering 150km, and a dozen Series 12 rotary machine guns is a shocking amount of up close punch. If they all hit, she can actually do more damage than an AC20.
SPEAKER_02She also has a pair of Mark III ER medium lasers and the token series 1 ER small laser, capable of cooking a single hamburger in about 15 minutes. But for all the glorious clan tech the Prana is carrying, it has only 10 single heat sounds. Singles? You heard that right. 10 single heat sounds. Unusual for a clan design, but Bullet Hose might have to keep her eyes on her heat level.
SPEAKER_03And there is her Lance Leader, Sean Landlord O'Donnell, in that massive Cyclops 10Z.
SPEAKER_02Massive is right. 90 tons of intersphere assault mech, the Cyclops carries a modest loadout of a Delta Dart LRM 10 missile launcher, a Zeus 36 Mark III Auto Cannon 20 in the right torso, two diverse optics type 20 medium lasers, and a hovertech quad SRM4 missile launcher.
SPEAKER_03Unfortunately, the Tacticon B2000 battle computer, a signature component for the Cyclops, will be of no use in the arena in pairs matches. And 10 tons of armor means that the mech is almost identical in defense to the Axeman.
SPEAKER_02Both mechs have AC20s, both have a top speed of 64 kph, and both will run hot if their pilots keep the triggers pressed during this fight.
SPEAKER_03Looks like we're almost ready to go.
SPEAKER_02You're absolutely right, Taekang. Uh, what's your prediction for today's match?
SPEAKER_03Uh well if they don't keep an eye on their heat, then they'll be cooking more than a hamburger in an hour. But due to the Lance Commander format, the blues want to take out the Predator's Cyclops, and the Predators need to take down that Axeman in order to win. The Cyclops may have 15 tons on the Axeman, but I think that this is gonna be a close fight. It will really come down to how much work Bullet Hose can get done before she's taken out by a stray shot, or maybe a thrown rock. Some harsh language? A mean look. That piranha is just so fragile.
SPEAKER_02That's true. The mechs are heading to the starting positions. FaZe removing her axeman's position in light woods near the middle of the south side of the arena. Landlord has positioned the Cyclops to the northeast.
SPEAKER_03Blazer has taken the Enforcer to the far southwest near that oasis. And lastly, Bullet Hose is out with her piranha. And we're probably gonna be saying this a lot this match, but wow, is that mech fast? It's almost at midfield, and the battle hasn't even started yet.
SPEAKER_02And here we go.
SPEAKER_03Landlord mentioned his plan was to dominate the midfield, and it looks like he's walking down to do that, moving into another light forest closer to the middle of the arena.
SPEAKER_02Blazer has jumped the Enforcer north into Lightwood, probably trying to get a line on Bullho, but wow, that little mech was put on his running shoes and blitzed down the west side of the field, all the way behind Blazer. And Phaser is moving the axe man north to try to get a line on the piranha. One lucky hit could take that lucky little light completely out of the fight.
SPEAKER_03It's gonna have to be a very lucky hit, though. Even our cameras are having trouble keeping up with that little guy.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's mostly just us having to use automated trackers on the cameras since we still haven't managed to reach an agreement with the camera operators union.
SPEAKER_03Hmm. I mean you could just hire non-union scab workers.
SPEAKER_02God's no union are nothing, man.
SPEAKER_03Ah, of course.
SPEAKER_02Looks like Landlord is opening up with his LRM, taking a shot at the enforcer. He has no line of sight to the axemen behind the rocks. The combat prediction computer?
SPEAKER_03CPC?
SPEAKER_02Uh hey, everyone complained about the pew pew. So until we figure out something better, it's CPC. Anyways, the CPC is giving low odds to hit, and sure enough, those rockets are flying off towards the sunset.
SPEAKER_03Bullet hose is living up to her name and opening up on the enforcer from behind. First up are those two ER medium lasers, average odds to hit, first shot, hits! A solid connection to the left torso. Oh no!
SPEAKER_02Yes, that blast melted straight through the rear armor and went internal. And sensors say the enforcer's small laser is no longer operational.
SPEAKER_03A tragic blow. What if Blazer needs to reheat his launch in 40 to 50 minutes?
SPEAKER_02Nothing worse than cold sausage and cassauerkraut. The second medium laser has flown wide, as did the ER small laser, but here comes the hurt. Those 12 machine guns are at long range, unlikely to hit, but there is a lot of them.
SPEAKER_03Wow, listen to that happening like the drums of a laser pop band on crack.
SPEAKER_02Out of all that, looks like only one machine gun managed to get a beat on the enforcer, inflicting light damage on the right arm. Wow.
SPEAKER_03He's looking to get a measure of revenge and is firing at the Cyclops 300 meters away, medium range for both his remaining weapons, unlikely to hit at this range. The autocannon burst has flown wide.
SPEAKER_02And so has the large laser. Not a good start for his shooting, but he's probably more than a little rattled to have internal damage immediately after the fight started.
SPEAKER_03Let's see if Fazer can do better with her shots on the Piranha. The AC20 is at medium range, but with all the jinking that little mech has been doing, oh misses.
SPEAKER_02One hit from that big gun almost anywhere on the Piranha would be game over for Bullet Hose.
SPEAKER_03The large pulse laser is better odds by far. And also misses. Oh, lastly, the three medium lasers hit nothing but air. And the piranha remains untouched.
SPEAKER_02Looks like things are going more or less according to plan for the Predators, and the Blues are struggling to catch up to their tempo. Some minor heat buildup on the Piranha and Enforcer, and enough heat on Faser's Axeman to slow her down slightly.
SPEAKER_03Phaser.
SPEAKER_02Ah, yes, sorry. Faser in the Axeman has no visible targets. The Cyclops is still too far away, and the Piranha is behind hills, and she just can't see it.
SPEAKER_03The Enforcer is torso twisting to get the AC10 aligned to hit the Piranha. But even at short range, he's gonna struggle to hit. Doesn't even come close. That piranha might be bulletproof.
SPEAKER_02Landlord opens fire with the Zeloram Gamon Fazer. Good range and tone hits. Eight missiles connect, five to the right leg, and three more to the right arm. Chip damage, but it'll all add up.
SPEAKER_03The piranha is opening up on the enforcer. Both ER medium lasers are struggling to adapt to her speed and position. And fly wide, just barely missing their target. The machine guns are at long range, almost no chance of solid connection. Despite the roaring report of the weapons firing, nothing finds Purchase.
SPEAKER_02A lucky break there for Grazer.
SPEAKER_03Blazer?
SPEAKER_02Damn it, yes, Blazer. Anyways, the Enforcer could have been in a lot of trouble there, so lucky break for the Blues.
SPEAKER_03The Axeman, Enforcer, and Cyclops have all managed to dump their heat, but it looks like Bullet Hose is intent on riding the red line on her mech. It's risen enough that she's slowing down a little bit. For for a fragile mech like that, speed is everything.
SPEAKER_02The blues take the initiative, bolstered by the continued and somewhat unexpected survival of that enforcer.
SPEAKER_03Which is piloted by Blazer? That's correct.
SPEAKER_02Okay, well, Landlord's walking up now and is officially in the middle of the map. Laser's moving her axeman. God damn it. Fasor is moving her axemen directly towards Landlord and that Cyclops. She's taking more damage than Landlord, but if she can bring that massive melee weapon into play, things could get ugly for the predators very quickly. Bullet hose moves down the west side of the arena, all the way down to the southwest corner, getting into position to rush behind the Axeman.
SPEAKER_03The Enforcer is walking towards the piranha, trying to get close enough for his weapons to lock onto that fast mover.
SPEAKER_02Landlord is opening fire on the Axeman. The AC20 has a good line, but flies wide. Here comes the LRMs at optimal range, and they also fail to find purchase. The two medium lasers are at longer range. Wow. More shots off into the wild blue yonder. Looks like Landlord is a little shaken up.
SPEAKER_03He's firing his miss RM4 last. Hey, he actually managed to hit with three of those missiles. I'm pleasantly surprised.
SPEAKER_02Those are hits to the right leg, left arm, and one to the center of the torso.
SPEAKER_03Let's see if bullet hose can make up for her previous mistakes. She's also firing on the Axeman. The ER medium lasers have bad angles, and oh, both miss. And the ER small laser has even worse odds and also flies wide.
SPEAKER_02A disappointing volley of fire from the predators. Let's see how the blues react. Laser. Blazer and the enforcer opens fire in the piranha in light woods, but less than 200 meters away. The AC tens are at medium range. Nope. And the large laser with the same targeting odds, no as well.
SPEAKER_03I'm going to propose to Candice Hill that she officially changed her call sign from bullet hose to bullet proof.
SPEAKER_02The Axeman is 150 meters away from the landlord and his cyclops and is returning fire. The AC20 is at bad range. Not even close. That shot went straight into the dirt. The large ball laser needs your lineup, but also flies wide. That just leaves the three medium lasers. Nope. Nope.
SPEAKER_03What an awful round of shooting from both teams. A total of three SRMs hitting anything. The enforcer at least manages not to overheat. But Blazer in the Axeman is slowing down. Landlord in the Cyclops is showing both speed and targeting errors, and Bullet Hose is moderately slower and showing targeting issues. She keeps this up, and one of her ammo bins is definitely going to take her out before the blues manage to get a B on her.
SPEAKER_02Landlord moves further south, heading into some light woods for cover from Mazer. Faser curses.
SPEAKER_03Faser sees an opportunity and jumps her axeman directly behind Landlord. That's a massive misplay by the Predators.
SPEAKER_02Bullet Hose is heading back towards the Enforcer on the west side of the map, and Blazer stands still to try and maintain his odds of hitting that little mech. You got it right. Hey, first time for everything.
SPEAKER_03The Cyclops is opening fire on the Enforcer, starting with the AC20 at medium range, and he hits! Landlord has finally managed to bring that weapon against one of his targets. That hits dead center on the enforcer.
SPEAKER_02I'm not sure if that's a lucky break for Blazer or not. Sure, he didn't just lose a leg or an arm, but that enforcer is suddenly much closer to being taken off the field. The armor took the hit, but it can't take another.
SPEAKER_03Based on their firing, I wouldn't worry about it. The LRM is firing now, and that's another six missiles impacting the right arm and left leg. But he even manages to hit with one of those medium lasers. That's a deep gouge in the left leg. That armor is still holding, though.
SPEAKER_02Say what you will about Steiner Engineering, but they make sturdy mechs. It took a little bit of luck, but Blazer is still in this fight.
SPEAKER_03Bullet hose is trying to finish off the enforcer. She didn't manage to get quite to point blank range, but almost. Those ER medium lasers are at great range. First shot is a hit. It goes right into the right arm. Second shot is also a hit. This time to the left torso.
SPEAKER_02She's firing the ER small as well, also at ideal range. Another hit. That's a thin line on the left leg, and that enforcer is having a very bad day.
SPEAKER_03Here comes the pain. 12 machine guns at good range against the stationary target. Miss. Hit it. Three misses. Nine hits total. Three hits to the right arm. And that's broken past the last of the armor and gone internal. Ah, but no critical damage. The other shots hit the right torso three times. A single hit on the left arm, left leg, and right torso.
SPEAKER_02But looks like bullet hose is trying to make up for lost time with that barrage. Blazer?
SPEAKER_03Yes, it is Blazer.
SPEAKER_02How good? Blazer looks shaky on his feet, but manages to compensate and stay standing. Now it's time for the blues to see if they can get some damage on the predators. Blazer opens fire on the piranha. The AC 10 is steady and at great range and hits. That hit center of mass, blast past the armor and put some damage internal, but nothing critical seems to have been hit.
SPEAKER_03The large laser also has an easy shot and manages to connect on the right leg. That's also melted past the armor. Oh, there goes the lower leg actuator.
SPEAKER_02You know what? I'm just gonna call them Acer. And the editor can add the correct prefix in post. Fuh Acer fires the Axeman's AC20, lands it! That's a massive blow to the left leg, which goes internal, but doesn't hit anything important. Large pulse lasers lined up perfectly and hits. That's a deep burn on the left arm. So here it comes. That's the Axeman's melee weapon coming down like a hammer. That's got internal on the rear left torso.
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's where the cyclops stores its LRMs. But at least the case will protect that mech.
SPEAKER_02If this was a clan design, you'd be right.
SPEAKER_03Oh no!
SPEAKER_02Oh yes. That is the sound of almost a full ton of LRMs ripping through the torso and the Cyclops. Goodbye, Landlord.
SPEAKER_03Looks like the just-in-time ejection system has managed to save the pilot. But that is it for the Predators this match. The blues pull off an unexpected victory.
SPEAKER_02All it took was Landlord oversetting himself slightly too far a set, letting ph Azer get behind him. I thought it would be the EC20 that would end the Cyclops, but whether by accident or intention, it was the iconic Axe Man melee weapon that actually ended this match.
SPEAKER_03Lots of ammunition sent into the clouds or the dirt. So it's a good thing FaZer thought to bring an axe to a gunfight. Otherwise, we might have been here for hours.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's just about wraps it up for us here on Solera 7. I want to give a big thank you to Joel Morelli for the music, Aaron Hatterholf, the logo and art assets, and a reminder to anyone who has questions, requests, or comments, you can reach me at marx.battletech at gmail.com. I'd also like everyone to know that no AI was used in the creation of any part of this transmission or any transmission on the Battletech Legends and Mechs podcast channel. We believe the only good robot is a big stompy one that is piloted by humans. I'd also like to thank my co-host, Ty Kang Zhao. Thanks for joining us today, Ty Kang.
SPEAKER_03It was my honor, and I hope we get to do this again. Just a reminder that the Capellan Confederation is doing our quarterly enlistment tribe. Apply to be a citizen at House Liao, and you will get a free iPod shuffle. The generosity of the Chancellor knows no bounds.
SPEAKER_02The generosity of the Chancellor knows some bounds. Regardless, next week we have the Aces facing off against the Predators in our possibly last exhibition match of the season. Until then, have a great couple of weeks, and we'll see you on the battle.
SPEAKER_03Professionals. One take.
SPEAKER_02First try. First try.