You Might be an Introvert...

In this week's episode, Marie and Sarah discuss all things introvert! 

What about you? Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Do you embrace it? Love it? Hate it? Let's talk about it!

Learn more about Sarah here: www.knotanotherhat.com

Learn more about Marie here: www.oliveknits.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to We Tried to Tell You, a podcast full of unsolicited opinions about life, fiber, and everything in between.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

I am Sarah Keller.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

And I am Marie Green. And this week we're going to talk about something that we've sort of danced around a little bit here on the pod for the last, I was going to say few months, but a few episodes and a few months. And I think that we could take a deeper dive. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to talk about being introverts.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Oh bring it.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Right. It's kind of perfect because Sarah and I are both introverts. And also nobody believes either one of us.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Nobody ever believes us.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Which is why I think we need to do this episode. Because I think that the mindset about what an introvert is doesn't match the reality, at least for us. And I know everyone is different, but you know, being an introvert doesn't mean being shy. It's just a different way of, you know, building up your energy and how you exist when you're around other people.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

So what does being an introvert mean to you? Like what would your definition of being an introvert be?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I think if I'm going to give like the briefest definition, I say, or I think that an introvert gets their energy from alone time and an extrovert gets their energy from being around other people.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

I agree. That that would be the I think that's the quintessential.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

That's really what it boils down to, right? And then then of course there's lots of ways those things manifest.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Absolutely. Absolutely. And it doesn't mean we can't be around people, it doesn't mean we don't like people. It just means being around people takes a lot of energy. Yes, it does. Yes, it depletes. And then we have to go be alone to renew, restore, refill. Yes. And then we can go people again. Whereas I think that extroverts, when they're around people, that is energizing for them. Yes. Instead of taxing. So when did you first realize that you were an introvert?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Okay. This is kind of tough because I don't I realize I had there was different things about me than my most of my friends, but I don't know that I really knew there was a label for it or even an explanation for it. I think there's a lot of time, like especially in my um college years and 20s, where I just thought there was something wrong with me. So I would say it was probably not till my 30s that I fully started to understand there was this spectrum of introvert, extrovert, and that I clearly landed way over on the introvert side of things. And it just every time I would read something about being an introvert, I would be like, oh my God, I feel so sane. Um so it took a long time. There was a lot of struggle. How about you?

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Me too. I don't think that language was around when I was younger.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Maybe that's it. That's part of it is we talk about it more as a society.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

I don't think it occurred to me until I was in my maybe early 40s. I started to realize, I mean, I knew like you, I always thought something was wrong with me because I remember when my kids were smaller, I had these friends that had multiple small children. I had multiple small children, and they would be like, let's go to the museum with 15 children and four moms. And I would get so frazzled by that that I just almost had, I was like snippy because I was so overwhelmed with the situation because I didn't realize I didn't even have enough energy to like be there and do that. And I couldn't figure out, I was like, why am I being this way? Why am I not fun? That is what I always thought. Like, why am I not fun?

SPEAKER_00 4:17

Absolutely. That is a hundred percent like what I thought as well. And then college, that that would um basically mean that any night that it was like the night we all go out and do stuff, I would drink because it was the only way for me to get there mentally to be like, okay, this is how I can tolerate you know, being out with this huge crowd of people where there's just like people everywhere you turn. I always like the small get-togethers, the small like close friend gatherings, movie night, or game night, those things always appealed to me so much more than the big uh party scene or the club scene. And so yeah, then I would just drink to get myself there.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Yeah, yeah. That was exactly it for me as well. I was I like one-on-one with a friend, you know, lunch, small group things. I prefer that any day over big, chaotic, loud, all the things. And like you, it was like, okay, well, maybe if I drink enough, I won't have to, I won't be completely overwhelmed by this experience. Yes, absolutely. And I spent years just kicking myself because I wanted to be more fun. I was like, show up, Marie. Like, why are you being a party pooper? I feel like that was sort of my middle name was that I thought I was aver. Oh me, and it was so depressing because I was like, I think I'm fun. Why do I feel like this? And it was only, I think, in my early 40s, and you're a little bit younger than me. So maybe we kind of it was the same time period, yeah. Maybe that we started having more of those conversations in like podcasts and media and books, and like it just started to be kind of more in the social consciousness, I think that there was a difference. And being able to consider that possibility, like, oh, maybe this is just how I'm wired, maybe I'm just an introvert. It was liberating. I oh my gosh, like, oh my gosh, maybe something's not wrong with me. Yes, maybe this is just how I operate and that it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

It's okay. So, yes, that's like learning to give myself permission to turn down the event that I know is gonna drain me and I don't want to go to. And I I think there is I especially I think for younger introverts, um, FOMO is a real thing. Like that fear you're gonna miss out on something really exciting. But then if you go and do it, you're gonna be miserable. So where's the trade-off? Right? Maybe that's just something you gain as you mature, is that you realize the FOMO isn't real and everything's gonna be fine. Um so yeah, giving yourself that permission to be alone, that's a hard lesson to learn, I think, especially as women in today's uh, you know, in our society.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Exactly. It's like doing something for yourself, you know. Yes, putting your higher on your priority list because, and that's something I struggled with for most of my life, still struggle with, because I'm so worried about taking care of everybody else that I often don't take care of myself. And it's it's an amazing thing when you're allowed to say, okay, what do I need? All right, my social battery is really low right now. I don't have the energy for this experience, so I'm not gonna do it. Instead, if what I used to do, which was force myself. Like you're gonna do this and just shut up and endure, just get out there and do it.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yep. And watch your watch your watch because you're gonna try to, you know, count down the hours and the minutes until you can conceivably like excuse yourself.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah. My mindset, I have this mantra. This is horrible. Um, but this is the mantra that I say to myself almost every single day of my life. Pretty soon this will be over. Yeah. Pretty soon this will be over. Are you serious?

SPEAKER_00 8:10

I am absolutely serious. What I what I say is pretty soon this I will be alone again. Pretty soon these people will be gone, or pretty soon I'll be back home. And it's not people I don't like. It's the thing is I love these people, fill in the blank of whoever people. But that is what I am constantly telling myself as a reassurance.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yeah, pretty soon. This will yeah, and it's it's just how I get through because I know it's not gonna last forever. Of course, this does make me think about every time I come stay at your house, and you're like, pretty soon, Marie will be gone. Pretty soon. But I think because we are so similar, I don't feel that way around you. It's not as overstimulating.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Same.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

It's still peopling, but it's not quite the same as like having to put your work face on and you know, do all of that. And what people don't realize is as we're recording this, we're looking at each other on Zoom. And inevitably, I mean, I almost showed up today in pajamas because that's the week I've had.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

And I just like a half a step above pajamas right now.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

I'm like, Sarah and I can be in pajamas, like bedhead if we need to for our podcast, which is good. Yes, yes, which is really good. Uh, so I think what's funny about introverts though is that it's it seems, tell me if I'm wrong, it seems like less popular to be an introvert than to be an introvert. Like the world seems like it's designed for extroverts. Do you agree?

SPEAKER_00 9:40

I uh I a hundred percent believe that. I don't know that you could convince me otherwise. I wonder why that is. Like, yeah. Well, I mean, rewards, like if you think about achievement in a work setting or even in a social group setting, the person who's going to engage and instigate and um speak out, they're they're gonna have more rewards, whether that's like getting a job or a task assignment at work, you know, or just being perceived as the leader of a social group. So I I just think that our world, the way we live in this, you know, this democracy here. I don't know if it's the same in every culture, but like here in the United States, it feels like that it is very Western culture, like it's very much geared towards extroverts.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

That might be why we get such a bad rap, right? Yeah, because it's not the high reward personality style.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

But I actually really enjoy being an introvert now that I understand it. Now that I'm not beating myself up for not wanting to be the social, you know, butterfly of every situation. And maybe it's just an acceptance thing, just starting to think, okay, I can accept this, I understand. I read a book about, oh gosh, I should have done my research this morning. I think it might be called Quiet. And uh I'll I'll research and get back to you on that. But it was sort of like being an introvert in the world of extroverts. Not that we are quiet. I would say no one who knows us would think of us as quiet, probably not the label they would have for us. So again, I think a misconception that introvert means shy, and that's not that's not what it is. But I'm starting to see the value of having people like us in the world who see things differently, maybe observe things in a different way. And I don't know, what do you think? Do you think there are benefits to being an introvert?

SPEAKER_00 11:38

So this this is a really tough one for me because I I I mean, I love being an introvert. It do are there benefits? I don't really know, actually. Um, I mean, I love that I get to have my alone time because but I love it because that's what I need. I don't know that it's a benefit. Maybe I accomplish more things. I don't really know, actually.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I here's what I think. I think that extroverts, and this is coming from a non-extrovert, so I could be really way off on this. But the extroverts I know think that everyone should be an extrovert. Like they believe it's the better way to be. Everyone should be one, and not being one is like you're hu you're missing out.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Whereas I don't necessarily think that everyone needs to be an extrovert. I love being one. I think there's value for me, but I don't necessarily think everyone needs to be one. I think it's nice that we have this balance, and maybe that's just the mindset of an introvert versus the mindset of an extrovert.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Maybe true. But if you could choose and you could flip a switch and become an extrovert, would you do that?

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I don't, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

It's weird, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Well, it is weird. It's so intrinsically part of me to enjoy being alone. So I can't, I can't. My brain doesn't want to separate from that to try to perceive not wanting that.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

I don't think I would flip the switch. I think I would stay an introvert because I enjoy the time I have to myself. And I like what I do with that time. I like being satisfied and uh because I think they're I don't know that this is introvert versus extrovert, but I know some people struggle with being alone or having things be too quiet. I don't know if that really is related to this.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Well, like the pandemic, take that as an example, right? Like I thrived in that first year, and it's not something that we wanted to go around telling anybody because everybody else was miserable. Like extroverts were miserable. And I was like, oh, bring it. Like, give me all the alone time and work from home time, and like yeah, and it's terrible to say when everyone else was struggling so much, but that is such a fundamental difference, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:05

That's such a great example. I'm so glad you brought that up because you're right. That was our heyday, right? We were like, oh my gosh, we've got this, we're so good at this. This is where we shine, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:16

Introverts that had had to work in an office who were suddenly like, I get to work at my computer at home.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Right. It was such a wonderful, I it was a horrible time, but it was wonderful to realize what life could be like when it wasn't designed specifically for extrovert personalities. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

It was like we were seen for the it was our our glimpse of what the world could be if it was an introvert's world.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Right. It was really a a nice um all the extroverted opportunities right now are screaming. I know they're dying right now. They are like unsubscribing from this podcast ASAP.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

I too have experienced that feeling from extroverts. And I guess this also could just be a totally misconstrued perception on my part, but that they they would not they would rather we were all extroverts. Uh it would be easier if we weren't sometimes not wanting to go out and do the thing.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

I know. I wonder why that is, because wouldn't it just be fun to hang out with other extroverts? Like they have so many of them.

unknown 15:20

I think.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

I would love to know what the um if there is any studies that kind of break down what percentage of the population leans one way or the other.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

I'm gonna Google this. You're gonna Google it? Okay. Well, are you ready for this? I google. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Okay, what is it?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

50-50. Shut up. I can't believe it.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

Okay, there are a lot of introverts who are on the DL.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

That's right. They don't either they don't know, or they don't want to say anything because the world, I think, rewards being an extrovert.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Or do you think it's just because extroverts I know. Do you think it's just because they're so much more present and loud and seen that we just we perceive them to be 90% of the population?

SPEAKER_01 16:06

I was like, there's gonna be 90% extroverts. I am very surprised by this 50-50 split. I did not see that coming.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Huh.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

So I wonder how many people are going around through life forcing themselves to try and be an extrovert and inwardly miserable, but they don't realize it's because, hey, yeah, maybe you need a little bit of alone time to rebrand.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Fascinating. Fascinating.

SPEAKER_01 16:32

Right? I notice that when I which I have really cut back on now that I know more about myself, but when I go do big events, like if I'm teaching at Vogue knitting for three straight days and it's, you know, hours and hours of classes, and then people come in before class starts and start talking to me, and then I teach for three hours, and then they come in on my lunch break and start talking to me, and then I teach another three-hour class, and then people come in and talk to me after, and then there's a dinner, and everybody wants to sit and chat at the dinner, and I am like so drained. By the end of that three days, I feel like I never want to step out my door again. I want to like stay in my room in my house with tea and a book and knitting and like never speak to anyone ever again because I'm so depleted. It took me a long time to figure out why that was because that was just draining my battery and I didn't have a chance to recharge. And I totally get it. If you're there and they're paying for you to make that trip, they need to have you teaching and present as much as possible. No shade to vogue, like love teaching for them. No shade, no shade. But it's not designed for people who need a little bit of downtime, you know, one three-hour class a day and then half a day to kind of regroup. I could be a more fun and exciting teacher the next day.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

More fun. I had that.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

More fun and exciting.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

How old were we when we went to put up a booth at Vogue knitting in Seattle?

SPEAKER_01 18:04

What year was that? Long ago was that.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Was that 2?

SPEAKER_01 18:08

It was pre-pandemic, right?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yeah, it was. So I think I think it was like around I was in my early 40s.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

So like 10 years ago?

SPEAKER_00 18:17

Almost. Yeah, I think it was nine years ago.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Wow. Yeah. That was nine years ago. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

That's when we had our big revelation about each other. That was great. Because we went and we did the whole day of setup, unloading the booth, getting the booth set up. It was a lot. It was a first for us.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

It really was.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

And when we were getting ready to leave for the evening, um everyone's like, I'm going here. I'm going here. Where are you guys going to eat? Where are you guys going to eat? And you and I looked at each other. And it was just like, uh, yeah, I'm good to just eat something and sit in our room. Yeah, me too. Okay, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Yeah. We ordered room service.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

And we 100% were on the same page. And it was like, oh.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

And we were sharing a room, but but what was great is we sat on our respective beds. We ordered these, I think, little pizzas from room service. I don't know if we got it was something. I think something like that. And we both sat quietly on our beds with our little, you know, delivery food and didn't speak until we both went to bed early. And then both woke up the next morning at like four.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

In the morning.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

Yes. This I was like, this is living.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Really? Because at the end of an event like that, and the the market hadn't even opened yet, but it was this all-day thing. All of the vendors were there setting up. It was just so much. And we both needed that quiet. And if we'd been with anybody else, they would have been like, Yeah, everyone's going to eat at the blah blah blah. Come on, let's go. And I would have felt pressured to go. And uh oh god, I was just like breathing a sigh of relief.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Oh my gosh, no kidding. And that's how we learned that we can travel together and both survive and be happy. It's great. I taught for gosh, I just can't believe how much time has passed. I can't believe that was nine years ago. So before that, I had taught somewhere in the Midwest for I don't know, what some event, one of them. And I was there with kind of a group. I was like doing a thing for their booth, some dyers, and there were some other designers. And so after the full day of people, being at a booth, you know, chatting everybody up, which is lovely. Then we all went out to dinner together. And then I was like, I really need to go back to my room. Ever because I was thinking, I need to go to bed because I have to do this again tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Everybody followed me to my room, and there were like five people sitting together on my bed talking and talking and talking and drinking wine until 1 a.m.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Shoot me dead.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

The whole time I was dead inside. I was like, I love all of you people so much, but can you please get out? I was, but I didn't want to say because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I mean, I love those people. Yes, you know, I still love those people. Yes. But I just didn't have the energy for it. And that's honestly partly why I don't do those types of events anymore because I cannot survive it. I have to have breaks. And I don't want to seem like Marie Party Pooper Green, who has to leave a day of teaching and go quietly to her room.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

It's it's rough. It's rough.

SPEAKER_01 21:38

It doesn't feel fun.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I'm not gonna lie. One of the things I think that people, in terms of misconceptions, is I really like speaking in front of groups. Me too. I have no problem going live on Facebook. And I love to speak in front of a group. I was a theater major. And everyone is just like, well, you can't be an introvert. You love to just, you know, get up and do that. And I that is like, that is safe. No one's coming to talk to me. I'm speaking to them. It's a one-way street. So that is safe and easy. Put me in the room with all the people who, instead of being the one talking to them, but I have to small talk or network with them.

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Oh my gosh, kill me right now.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Like every time I've gone to a business event and then they're like, turn to the partner next to you and share for five minutes about blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, please don't make me.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Please. Please don't do it. I was thinking of the exact same type of scenario. One is if I am in charge of an event, if I am the speaker, I have more control over the situation. I have a role. I have a task, like a specific thing that I can focus on. I love public speaking. I've done it all my life. So I don't know. It's it's weird because that feels completely fine. I'm hoping as people are listening that they are maybe recognizing at least some some introverts in the world, 50%. There's a lot of you who may not know you're introverts or you're you haven't come out yet. I'm hoping that they maybe see themselves reflected in some of this and feel less alone.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

Yeah. That is what we have been trying to achieve or get to as we've aged and become more self-aware and more mature, is understanding what what our innate tendencies are and being okay with that and and loving those parts of ourselves instead of feeling like it was something detrimental.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

And don't you feel like it was really a relief to meet each other and find another introvert who was in the same kind of industry, doing the same kind of things, also someone who no one would believe was an introvert. It was just really nice to be seen and to feel like I'm not alone.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

Yeah, it was like a huge relief, like a huge weight off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

So hopefully, you introverts out there, just know that we see you and we love you, and you're not alone. And there's apparently a lot of you.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Yeah, more than we knew.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

A lot of us, not just us, a lot of us. There are a lot of us. Oh gosh. Well, this has been really nice. And hopefully, our introvert friends and our extrovert friends, we also love you. We love you too. We need the extroverts. We absolutely do. Just because we aren't one doesn't mean we don't appreciate their contribution. We need the extroverts to be out there moving and shaking in the the very big social situation so that we don't have to.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Exactly. Absolutely, exactly. So if you've been listening to this and a lot of it sounds like you and you didn't realize that you might be an introvert, just remember we tried to tell you.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.