Not Every Customer Is Worth Keeping; Lessons from a Daycare Provider

Not every customer is worth keeping—and that’s a lesson most business owners learn the hard way.

In this episode of Unexpected Advice, Esther sits down with Lynn Anderson, a childcare provider with over 30 years of experience, to explore what it really means to protect your business by letting the wrong clients go. While her world revolves around caring for children, the lessons she’s learned about boundaries, trust, and alignment apply to any business, in any industry.

Lynn shares how to recognize when a relationship isn’t the right fit, why trusting your gut matters more than we think, and how holding both yourself and your customers accountable can transform your business. She also opens up about the emotional side of “firing” a client—and how honesty, clarity, and a little grace can make even the hardest conversations worthwhile.

If you’ve ever held onto a difficult customer for too long, struggled to enforce your own policies, or felt the tension of misaligned expectations, this episode will challenge you to rethink what success really looks like.

Because sometimes, the best way to grow… is to let go.

You can learn more about Unexpected Advice by visiting https://insightfullycurious.com/unexpected-advice-podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Unexpected Advice. Today I'm joined by Lynn Anderson. Lynn is a longtime business owner with more than 30 years of experience running an in-home daycare. She's recently stepped into something new with the launch of her own party balloon business. She's based in Anadarco, Oklahoma, where she's from, and is known in the area as a talented performer in her community. Over the years, she's trained singers and developed a powerful voice, both literally and through her story. She's faced and overcome significant physical health challenges, and that resilience really shows up in everything she does. She's also a mom to three incredible daughters, two of whom she and her husband adopted, and her biological daughter, who is now a music teacher in their local area. But if you ask me, what really stands out most about Lynn is who she is to the people around her. She's a mentor, a cheerleader, and a constant voice of joy and hope. And as you know on the show, that is not what we're going to talk about. Today we're going to talk about something a little unexpected. Firing your customers. So, Lynn, welcome to the show. Thank you for joining me.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Yay!

SPEAKER_01 1:20

So we both got a good chuckle out of this, I will say. Yes. Lynn's great. She's wonderful. She'll just encourage you and be your cheerleader. But here's how you fire people.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

She's gonna teach you how to fire people. Get ready for Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Um, this was an interesting topic when you brought it up because it that matters so much to what you do, and even uh maybe a more significant way than a lot of people would think about in running an in-home daycare. As we talked and you introduced the concept, every time we said something and brought something up, it drove it like, but that's exactly what business owners need to think. Well, I've had those experiences where we had to think about that. Um, one of the top things, and I think was about alignment to vision, and I think this is so important for what you do with your business. But let's talk about first of all, like why? Why is this important? Why is having the right people in your business with you, especially for you, running something with it's in the home, why did this even come up? What was important to you about it?

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Well, I just think that it is so important because um for the success, for the success of everybody everyone involved, you know, with parent and provider relationships, you want to be able to go to work and you don't want to have to worry about your babies. But also, while you're at work and you're missing out on that time with your children, you want to make sure that whomever you're trusting with that care and that time is pouring into them good things because they're essentially helping you raise your child. And so I think that it's so important that it's a good fit for the child because they're feeding off of those dynamics. They're always listening. They hear how you're speaking of the provider or how you're speaking of the parent when um you're not when the other's not around. And so they're feeding, you know, off of those dynamics, and it's just very important that there's a mutual respect.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

So I think that that's what makes it so important.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Yeah. And it's interesting because um first of all, it's maybe more important. I think it's more uh dramatic, it's more emphasized with a daycare because you have little, you know, you have kids involved in this. Um, but it matters for business owners no matter what, because you do have a vision. Regardless of your business, you have a vision. And if you start bringing in clients that aren't aligned with that vision, you're just setting yourself up for failure.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

You have division.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yes, you do have division. So, what are some of the things that you've kind of noticed over time? What is some because we're gonna dive into some advice that you would give people. What are some of the advice you would give people when they're thinking about like how do you even tell that something's not working? Because you we I think there's that little it starts maybe with a nag, you know, that little niggle. You know, that little slum slum.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

You're so right, Esther. And you know with parenting, so much of what we do is from the gut. And sometimes you can't put a name on it, you can't put your finger on it, but there's a knowing.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

And so I think that what's important about spotting, identifying that right connection would be those first feelings that you bring to each other. You know, there are times when someone walks in, and quite honestly, within the first two or three minutes, or um, I I know. I know if if you're gonna be a good fit for me, or if I should say everything to make you not want to be here.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

So this is so funny you said that. I remember working with the sales manager at one of my companies, and we literally, every every time we'd get this new client, or that maybe it was a big opportunity coming, it's something like, oh, we're all excited about it. He's like, he's gonna be difficult. Like you knew, you knew right away. And I think that's important because we have to, and I I remember talking uh about this with him because there was a big project, and he's like, I don't think the this prospect is gonna walk through our sales process. I don't think they're gonna be easy to work with. And I said, What will it take for you to be comfortable with this? And he lists off these three things. I said, Do those three things. If they don't agree to that, then we walk away. We walk away. So I for I think business owners, like, trust your guts. That's what I'm hearing from you. Trust your guts because your guts are telling you something. And if they say something's not quite aligned, figure out what it'd take to get a line. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Yes. A lot of times, and this is what happens, I think, across the board in business is most people will say whatever they feel is needed to get what they're wanting. And I think that the important thing is to hold them to that. Because so many times, you know, I have a written formal policy and we go over that or I provide that, them a copy of that. And it's always agreeable, agreeable.

unknown 6:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. Sure. Yes. Oh, it's fine with me that you're never at work and you're always take off. And, you know, and then when you need to take off, what? I mean, you know, I mean, they just they're lying. And so I think that it's so important that you do hold that that person, family, or future employee to their the policy. And many times I have to bring it back up and say, okay, let's look at our sick policy again. And, you know, here says your kid cannot come vomiting with diarrhea and fever. And no, you cannot dope and drop them. You know, you come in and they can't even participate because why? They've had too much Tylenol. I mean, you know, their sleep. I mean, and so, you know, referencing that I think is very good, the rules, the policy, and letting them know, you know, this is what we discuss, or this is what is written, and this is what you agree to. And I think what's so important, Esther, is not only holding them to it, but holding yourself to it. Because it's so tempting to get away from it for various reasons. But you really are doing yourself a disservice.

SPEAKER_01 7:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

When you yourself don't go by your police.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

So, yourlyn, you're really right. I think holding ourselves accountable and holding the customers accountable is kind of that critical element. And it's really easy in any every place to in any company, in any space of the company to make that exception because somebody asks or you want to help someone out. Here's the other thing, I would think as business owners and as people, you you've also got to have two things. You have to have those policies defined, right? So, like, what if you don't have them defined? Like, that's not gonna help anybody out. You've got to create some systems. And secondly, if you have a lot of people asking for this exception, it is okay to review that and say, all right, is this the right policy? Should I review this? Should I rethink it? Because that also gives you the ability to go back and in your case, sometimes say, like, no, of course it's the right policy. What am I thinking?

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Exactly. Exactly. There have been so many times that I've I've I've uh ran into situations and reference my policy and found that it actually wasn't addressed there. For instance, potty training. I remember going through a situation with the family potty training, and I thought, I don't have any policy on this. This is very important. So I was able to go back in and you know address that. And it's been so helpful, and I've had to reference it. And I don't know what I did before amending that policy. I was winging it. Yeah, basically. Yeah. But it was it's just been so helpful though, even for families, because a lot of times you find that it's not that people are trying to be difficult, it's just that there it had their the structure hasn't been established.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 9:09

And so now you've got chaos, yeah. Um, you know, or you know, or someone trying to hijack just because you've not provided adequate structure.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Well, and I'm kind of curious, we're gonna jump into the idea of the actual firing. Like you know, you kind of recognize that there's something wrong, you've looked at the policy, you've held them accountable. Like, why is this is a hard thing because as Minnesota you're gonna lose business, right? It's hard.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

It's so hard, but it's so worth it when you have identified that it's not a good fit and that you know it's time to say goodbye. It's so difficult. I mean, but what I've found is that the best recipe is just to be completely honest. Um, and most of the time people know, most of the time that person is aware that you know it's time. And so what I try to do is not make it about an emotion of I'm angry and do you maybe you've made me mad or disappointed, um, but more so of what I'm offering is not what I'm seeing that you need. I think that people are able to receive that better. There have been times that for the child's sake, I've been able to say that this is not the right setting for your child. They're needing something more than what I can offer here. Yeah. Yeah. Or something different than what I can offer. And so I think that the best way is just to be honest. There are some situations that no matter how you approach it, it's going to be it's gonna be tough. It's going there, it's going to be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 11:14

It is, and we you we can't shy away from that. I think, especially as business owners, as leaders, as people that are running because there's other people counting you. What how are you being unfair to the rest of that client base that you need to retain? That one client that's consuming all of your time, complaining all the time, not paying their bills on time.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Sending the joy and the life out of you.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

For me, that's major. I mean, when I'm spending my day having conversations with you and you're at not present, you're definitely you're taking away from what I should be able to focus on, which is pouring into the children.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

And to me, that's the end of the road. When you're taking away from the purpose, you know, of the program, then, you know, that's gonna have to be dealt with. And so my favorite thing to do is to give a heads up that I need to speak to you. That's always a good entry. And then after that, it is, you know, hey, I feel like we've come to the end of the road here. And I'm willing to help however I can. I can give you some recommendations, I can give you a couple of weeks to prepare, but you know, this is gonna be my last day of service and give the date.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

And I'm telling you, I have had I've had horror stories with this because inevitably what's brought us to that point most usually is a lack of respect. And so once you set that deadline, the person that doesn't respect you is not gonna respect that decision. So, you know, I've given I've given that recommendation before, and I've actually had parent a parent come back anyway.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

What did you do? Well, first of all, I knew that they were coming back because there was such a high level of disrespect. So I knew that when they left for the end of the day and didn't say a final goodbye to me, that they were going to come back. And I opened the door, and the sad part about it is the child was with them.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

That's so tough.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

And I just let them know I wasn't expecting you this morning. Yeah. And they just let me know that they didn't want to go. And I let them know that at that point we needed to revisit the situation and have another conversation, not just you show up for service. And mind you, the child is listening to this conversation, which is what completely broke my heart. And, you know, the parent let me know that they had been unable to get child care and didn't know what they were gonna do, and that she didn't want to leave. And I told her that I would extend the time and give her another. And this is a baby that I'd raised from helped raise from an infant. And um it was very tough. And this was a very challenging situation. And so I did. I gave her I gave another month, but I told her, I said, I'm gonna tell you that this spot will not be available after that time. That I will I'm someone else. I will have someone else ready to come. And so this will be the final month. And that was extra gracious, but I do think that it's okay to extend an extra amount of grace where you can, you know, when you can. And I was able to do that, and I felt real good about it. Because at the end of the day, you have to be able to go to sleep at night and look yours look at yourself in the mirror.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

And feel good about, you know, how you have treated other people. Yeah. And uh and so um, so that did work out. I took care of the child for another month, which was good. I was glad to have the baby for a month.

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

And um, and that parent was ready at the end of that month. I think that they really did just understand that I was sure. And I'd had time to resolve those emotions, and they hadn't. And I think that did just give them, just give them the time that they needed to fully accept that.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

And and some and sometimes I know I've been at companies where you had a client that really treated my staff completely and professionally. It was inappropriate, it was wrong, it wasn't tolerated. Fortunately, we had leadership that didn't tolerate that. And I remember we basically said, We'll no longer be doing business with you. And they would wait. This gentleman would wait, and he would call back in like six months and try, he'd call the front desk and try to get a different customer service rep that didn't know. I mean, he's kind of dumb because I'm like, we do have computer systems. He was flagged as a do not sell. And sure enough, and like flagged up, somebody comes to like, hey, I've got this, you know, I'm like, and you and you basically have to say, like, no, we're not doing business with you. Well, I I really need these parts. And we're like, well, appreciate that, but you are unprofessional. You've treated our people with disrespect, and we don't tolerate that type of behavior in our organization. And it's a hard thing, it's a hard thing to walk away from chunks of business like that. But at the same time, you do like I you have to look at yourself in the mirror. You have to look at yourself, you have to, and especially if you have staff, and you've had staff at different points in time, but you have staff, and if those staff are treated, it's your job as the owner, it's your job as the leader to protect their work environment and to make it a healthy, safe place to work.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Absolutely. It is your responsibility. And I, you know what I found is that when you do have that one, you know, person that's not a good fit, it can completely take the joy away from what you're doing. And there have been times when I felt like the answer to losing that was just to completely pull out the profession. And that was me avoiding, you know, those situations.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Yeah. And the truth is, is that once I have enforced my policy, the joys back, and things are, you know, I'm like um on f on um finding Nemo when they say today's the day, the sun, the tank's sleep. You know, that's kind of how it is. It's like, you know, the the sun is shining. And um, so I think that that's one of the benefits of addressing those things and being upfront about it. And I've been guilty of holding on too long, you know, thinking that I'll take the higher road, I will, you know, that is that's just always a no. Not taking the higher road, but allowing, you know, something to continue that is contrary to your policy, those expectations that you've outlined for the parent or the customer and and what they can expect from you. You have to stick to that. You just have to, and it has to be across the board. You know, people think that, well, because we're friends or because we're family, those are reasons for you to be even better. You should be an even better customer, even better client, even better family to work for because you are family. That's not code for be as lousy as you can possibly be.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

You can get away with it.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Yeah, no, that's yuck. That's yuck. And so I've been so guilty of that, of thinking, well, you know, it's my cousin. And so, you know, I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna allow this because of that biggest mistake ever.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Yeah, yeah. It doesn't do you any favors and you've got and you but you also learn. I mean, sometimes you have to learn the hard way. I think there's also this fear of failure in it, Lynn. We don't want to, you know, when we f have to fire a customer, we feel like as the business owner, as the person who's you feel this pressure to make it work, to make it work. It's your responsibility to make it work. And other people, you have to let other people take responsibility for their actions, their behaviors. Look, if they're not going to pay their bills on time and you have clients that will pay their bills on time, why are you spending energy on the client who won't? Why are you chasing the nap? They're consuming that that opportunity. If they're complaining all the time and you're redoing work for them all the time, focus on the places that actually invest in you, that are good for your business, good for your mental health. And yeah, maybe you don't quite grow as fast, but in the long run, you're going to be resilient because that book of business you've built is yours and they're loyal and they have mutual respect and they align to your vision, they believe in what you're doing, all those things are going to be for the better of the process.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Exactly. And not being afraid.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

You know, because a lot of times, you know, firing someone does mean a reduction. It could mean a reduction in pay, you know. But what I have found is that when when I do fire, you know, those families that aren't a good fit, it simply does just make space for those who are a perfect fit. And there's been so many times the most amazing relationships have been birthed out of that pruning and cutting back away from those, you know, dead, so to speak, leaves.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

Yeah. Read. Wow. This has been such great advice, Lynn. Thank you so much for contributing, for giving us guidance because we need to hear it. It's a hard thing to do, and we need to hear it, and it's not something that a lot of people are willing to talk about. So I really enjoy and appreciate you talking to us about it. Um, in my podcast, I also have a little segment that is expected advice where we would hear something that we would expect to hear from you. So here's my question for you. Parents that are looking, like especially new parents, and you oh my god, I'm gonna have to put my kids into a daycare to put them into a facility at home, facilities, bigger, smaller chains. What's a couple of pieces of or one piece of advice that you would give to new parents when they're thinking about it and evaluating their options? What should they be thinking about? What should they be looking for? What's that piece of advice you would give parents that are listening to this that are all over the place? You know, right? We have a lot of listeners in uh Pennsylvania. So what what advice would you give them?

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Well, I have lots of advice from them. You know, the first thing that I would say is don't feel guilty. I think that parents so um so many times carry guilt. Feeling like you're not there for your child when the truth is by providing reliable loving care for them from a professional who is committed to being there while you go and and work to earn money to take care of them is a very loving and very present decision. And the second thing that I would tell them is don't fall for the my aunt is going to keep the baby situation. I'm telling you, it doesn't work because Auntie is going to bail out on you when her left toe hurt. Yeah. And I think it's also important to make sure you're in a licensed place.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Because there's training, there's accountability, there's um education, and there's also passion that I think is so important. Um, I say go with your gut. If you trust that person, then I think that is where you should begin. Because you can, it's a bad decision to leave your child with someone that you feel like you have to check on.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

Yeah, you don't want to be there.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Another thing that I think is not don't judge by drop off. Drop off is always emotional, it's always hard to say goodbye. Hard for you, hard for the child. And if you think because you saying ABC's on the way to daycare, they don't know that you're a nervous wreck. They do.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

They feel that. And so I think a good rule of thumb is to judge by pickup. If pickup is happy and energetic, or maybe they don't want to leave, yeah. You're going to know that your child has had a good day. And I think that that's, you know, a a good something to watch for with for a parent. If that child has had a bad day, number one, I'm gonna notify you prior to pickup. I don't allow a child to stay all day miserable. I'm gonna call you and say, hey, we're just not having a good day, and I can't seem to get them to settle in. I've only had to do that once in 30 years. So I feel that a a good, skilled, loving provider is able to get a child to settle in and know that they're safe. Well and comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

And that builds trust too. I like to have that conversation. I remember, and you had given me this advice. I remember I was living in Houston and and the kids had to go into care. Well, and we had to switch care providers. And it was great for my daughter, she was an infant at the time because the facility we went to had less infants and more staff workers. But for my son, it was very traumatic. It was not the right space for him. And I remembered that what you said in my what you rang in my head, and he cried for like a week. I last think I lasted a week every single day. It was a cry when we let him off, it was a cry when we picked him up. I called the previous daycare, and there was a reason we we'd lost funding. It was a military thing. We'd lost funding, and I was like, I'm gonna pay out of pocket. I called him up and said, Can you get him back in the program? And they're like, Yeah, sure. And he got he went back to the other program, jumped in his teacher's arms, and said, Bye, mommy. I just love that. I love that so much. That's what you want as a parent.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

That's what you want as a parent. You want you want their eyes to light both ways. You want to see that provider's eyes light up when they see your child, and you want to see that child's eyes light up when they see the provider. And so I think watching those cues is going to be, you know, so important. The the provider-parent relationship is such a beautiful thing.

unknown 26:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Still still have those relationships that I have developed over the years. And they're still very special to me, some of my best and and dearest friends. Because as a child care provider, not only are you taking care of the child, but you are loving and nurturing the entire family. I I try to do my best to be approachable. Um, when I see that there is a little bit of intimidation, perhaps, that a parent may be feeling. Usually my younger parents sometimes will feel a little bit intimidated, you know, like, you know, like they kind of feel like almost like I'm a mother figure to them. And I have to let them know I want you to be able to talk to me. I want you, you know, I want you to be able to even say the hard things. And it's better for you to tell me the truth and let me try to figure out how I can help you and assist you than you to lie to me and try to deceive me because most of the time I know you're lying. And that's, you know, important. It's like after 30 years, I've hurt so I've heard most of it, all of it. I've seen all of it. So it's like, just, you know, don't be honest. Just be honest.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Be honest.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

It is my heart as a provider to uphold and support and assist. It's like if you didn't have time to brush the teeth, put the toothbrush in the toothpaste in the back and we'll get those teeth brushed. You know, don't say, we got our teeth brushed, you know, and the plaque is built up because it's like.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yeah. Just be honest. And be honest, and because it's also that I think you're tugging on something is for parents that are looking for those providers, find someone who will help you with those things and doesn't resent you. Like you're you don't want to feel judged as a parent. Like some days are crazy and you don't have time to do the thing. I want to trust that I have someone who's got my back.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Exactly. And I love that more than anything. I tell my moms and my dads all the time, I got you. And I want you to know that that I'm, hey, when you pick up, I'm I'm gonna have that hair together. We're gonna be together because guess what? I want to be a part of a team that lets you shine and lets your child shine. And it is my honor, you know, to serve in that way. And so I think that you've got to give credit to your provider that, and know that that's the heart of your provider.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

That's awesome. Well, thank you so much, Lynn. Thank you for the advice you gave on everything. And and we appreciate you taking time with me. I really do. Have a great day.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Thank you so much. Bye bye.