Episode 19: Bruce Detore

Today we have the #awesome  and #talented  Bruce Detore! hes a #local  #comic  and #impressionist  #artist. He has a great use of real life humor and impressions that make his comedy really shine! As seen on #killtony  @KillTony and  Many more shows and comedy clubs all over the NW! Laugh and learn as we get a real look at the life and experience of Bruce Detore.

#podcast #behindthelaughter #standupcomedy #safari #funny #comedy #entertainment #reality #cracking #eggs #trump #alpachino #brucewillis #impression #groupchat #hoarder #hoarding #dating #baddates #mcdonalds

@Isaacmazzicomedy @billsleepinking on instagram much more on youtube @crackineggscomedy

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everybody, it's Bruce DeTor, and we're cracking eggs and baking up laughs with our Cracking Eggs podcast. Check, check one, two. She can be checking.

SPEAKER_06 0:35

Cool, cool, cool, cool. All right.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

It's green. It's like I'm giving head to the incredible Hulk.

SPEAKER_09 0:41

Welcome out the Kraken Eggs Podcast. Today, we got we got a new we got our guests in here today. We got Bruce Sator in here. Fucking Super Bruce, chilling in here, dude. We got again, we got DJ Billy back in here ready to make it happen. And we got me kicking it. We got it, we got sound figured out a little bit better today, so hopefully you hear everybody. Keep your mic next to your mouth. To where you're gonna be sitting.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

Keep it next to your mouth and move it around.

SPEAKER_09 1:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

You're like my fucking mic. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_09 1:09

Oh, go move the thing. Move the arm, not your mouth. Not your head, yeah, dude. Yeah. So uh today, today, uh man, I'm gonna get to know this guy a little bit more because we've only I've only really seen him, you know, on mics and uh little passers by, you know, talking and bullshitting out after at the end.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

Yeah, we're gonna break the illusion today.

SPEAKER_09 1:28

Break the illusion, yeah, dude. I I thought this guy was fucking awesome. He's probably, dude, did you even have a house?

unknown 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:35

All right, good. So I should have lied, like, no, I'm hopeless.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

I live. I actually live on I live in uh MLK in Tacoma. This is a spinner block I sit on. It's like, no, I live in West Seattle, I got a house there, and I want to leave very badly.

SPEAKER_09 1:51

West Seattle, that's a good place to live.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

It it it it was like 30 years ago. Now it's just like it's all condominiums. Like I literally never have my the ring around my phone anymore because I get four or five calls a day.

SPEAKER_11 2:02

Condominiums and mini condoms.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

Like condominiums and mini condoms, probably. Bunch of fucking, you know, a bunch of fucking Subaru driving soy boys and like with like beards and Waldo hats.

SPEAKER_09 2:16

It's like it's like the Portland, the Portland dude, like.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

It's like it's like I'm afraid to go to Portland at this point. I don't even know what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_09 2:25

Dude, I miss it, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Oh really? I saw somebody, uh I think it was a comedian out of Portland. I didn't talk to this person the other day, but oh my god, it's like it looked like Waldo moved to Portland, bought a Subaru, and nobody gave a shit where he'd gone. You know what I mean? Like, god damn, like these are the people that are getting booked in the Seattle, Portland area. It's like, no wonder I'm not you know, and the whole set was just about all of his like mental issues. Like, you know, I'm I'm bipolar, this, that, and a bunch of syllables to just say that I can't handle being in public. He was like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_09 2:58

I always feel like Portland, I always tell people Portland's like having a friend in prison. You're not afraid you know, you're not proud of what what they've done with their life and what brought them to there, but you still love them for who they are.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Um, I got a friend like who lives in Newburgh, that's like 40 minutes south of Portland, I guess. She's a cool person. Like, that's how I got my car. She actually got my car. And they're like, hey, we're trying to get rid of this Corolla. Do you want in here? Like, yeah, totally. Like, how much you want for three, four thousand dollars? Like, good luck. And then like a month later, they're like, nobody's coming to buy this, we'll just give it to you. It's like, oh, cool, I'll come down and grab it. They're like, Yeah, so we're like a thousand dollars. I'm like, oh, okay, that's still reasonable. She's like, Yeah, so I was like, you know, like a thousand, fifteen hundred dollars. I'm like, hold on, we're like incrementally going up now really quickly.

SPEAKER_09 3:45

You're saying you're on that, man. My sister, my sister dated this guy a while back, and he used to set buy and sell shit online. Okay, and he was a super super chill dude, right? And he would take he uh he had some mountain bikes that he was selling up here in Seattle, and he's a Portland guy, right? And so he brought the bikes up here, sold them to the guy, and turns out that guy was somebody else sting. Oh, okay. And those bikes were his bikes that were stolen and registered, and he saw his bikes on the Craigslist website being sold, so he bought them and set them up.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

I knew thievery was gonna be involved. For sure.

SPEAKER_07 4:31

And we didn't even and had no clue, dude, in my sister's like fucking like running away, fucking covering her face and shit on video, and this guy went all viral for fucking stinging him for stealing their bikes and shit, dude.

SPEAKER_09 4:46

God damn, dude. Wild, dude.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

I don't I just don't I can't put the effort forward to steal shit. I just I just I don't care enough. Yeah, dude. That's why I'm never gonna murder anybody. I was like, like I haven't planned this out. Like there's cameras everywhere. I don't I'll forget to wear the gloves. Like, it's just not heinous things. And there are people, I'm gonna look to there are people that I want to die really, really bad. And you gotta have no phone. You just gotta have the out of the radar. Yeah, you gotta leave the phone. You gotta you gotta leave you gotta memorize the directions to the burial site before you know there's no GPS.

SPEAKER_09 5:20

Yeah, never wish you wouldn't wish it upon them, but if it happened, you would not be, you know, your your life would be changed in a positive way.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Oh no, I wish it upon some people. I've I like I'm not religious, but I've prayed to God to smite some of these people.

unknown 5:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:34

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

I don't think and but that's the thing. I don't want them to just die. I want them to suffer. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 5:38

Like it's like Yeah, keep going. You want to suffer?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Oh, yeah, like yeah, like think that they shouldn't just like oh they're out. Like they should know, and then you want you want them to know. You like you'd like, hey, just hey, remember me? Hey, this is because of what you did. And like it just like let like for 30 days or something, like just let them like hang there. Like, I don't know. I'm going to jail. Um I'm just saying, you know, there's nothing you can do.

SPEAKER_09 6:02

It's so frustrating. So hell hath no fury like a woman scorn, but what has so how is what's the what's the man version of that then?

SPEAKER_01 6:11

No, I don't know. But like we're all supposed to suppress our feelings anyway.

SPEAKER_09 6:15

So Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 6:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Hell hath no fury like Brewster in an actual purge. I don't know. I would be like, dude, fuck you know here's the thing about a purge too. Like you this would be it would be frustrating, but at the same time, like it would be validating. Like if there was a purge, you're like, okay, I'm going after these people, and you get there, they're already taken out, and you're like, okay, like it's frustrating, but it's validating to know that other people wanted them dead too.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 6:45

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Yeah. Right there.

SPEAKER_09 6:48

Yeah. You're on the far left. The middle of my Xbox stuff. But yeah, dude. Um, see, that that's fucking that's how it goes, man.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Uh started out dark, didn't we?

SPEAKER_09 7:02

Yeah, that we gotta do it. I know no, that's as you know, you never know, dude. Yeah, you people fucking live, dude. Live and die, bro.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

I do comedy to get out and distract myself from all the things that drive me fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_09 7:13

Oh yeah, dude. We all and it's and it and that's what we're that's what this show's all about because honestly, a lot of the shit that we think is just another idea that we got and had. You you get to see it's not just yourself in the room talking to no one and people who don't want to hear what the fuck you're talking about, and they don't want to hear your I like to assume that there are hundreds and hundreds of people watching that are gonna follow me on Instagram, but oh no, in this situation, yeah, dude. We that's why we're doing this.

SPEAKER_01 7:39

Yeah. No, they I don't know, I don't know how they monetize you. All I know is like somebody told me once you need like 10,000 followers.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

And then somebody told me that was bullshit. But like if you need 10,000, I'm I only need like 9,500 more. Like, I'm like so far away.

SPEAKER_09 7:53

It's really easy to get monetized. All you gotta do is you get pregnant and then leave them, and then you're monetized for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

I don't know, I don't know what's giving off fives that I could get pregnant, but you know. Yeah. That Danny DeVito Schwarz Negger flick was a long time ago.

SPEAKER_09 8:13

So what do you do for a living, man?

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Uh I am doing nothing but comedy at the moment. So I live very thinly. I don't want to get too far into my finances.

SPEAKER_09 8:22

You don't know, you don't have to give it a lot.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

I have enough money to buy food at the moment.

SPEAKER_09 8:26

All I need is your your tax statement. Your D what?

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Let's just put it this way. Last year I tried to file my taxes and I went through one of them surfaces, and when I got through it says it literally said you don't need to file taxes.

SPEAKER_06 8:37

Oh fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Yeah, like I I made zero last year.

SPEAKER_06 8:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

It's like, yeah, you don't need to bother. I'm like, and now and then of course, you know, for the next year I get all these things like you never finished you 20. You told me I didn't have to finish it. You didn't finish it.

SPEAKER_04 8:53

Can you can you give us$100 to to do more tax stuff?

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Like, no, no, I can't.

SPEAKER_09 8:57

Well, that's what we're doing, man. We fucking we're out here. So then we fucking busted on busted on mics. I I'm I get jealous because I wish I could be on mics more often and uh and oh it's gonna bite me.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

It's gonna bite me at some point, you know. I'm I'm literally waiting for my parents to die at this point.

SPEAKER_09 9:13

Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Which is a horrible thing. I'm not actually like actively come on, like come on, you know, like I like I like my dad, you know.

SPEAKER_09 9:19

You're not the ones you you wish to die.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

No, no, no, no, no. Okay, no, no.

SPEAKER_09 9:24

She thought I'd put that one out there.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

No, to be clear. No. Um my brother.

SPEAKER_05 9:27

We love mom.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

No, but my dad, my dad's a good man. Um, he worked really hard and for us really well. My mother, God love her, but uh she promised me not to talk about this in my comedy routines, but this isn't a routine. So she's a massive hoarder. Okay. So when the day finally comes, it's gonna be an enormous uh burden. And I like I'm hoping to move away and with the lottery and just get that call from my brother, and so she's like, Yeah, so we need to go through all this stuff. I'm like, yeah, you do it. I don't want to have anything to do with this shit.

SPEAKER_09 9:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah, it's no, I have back problems removing all that shit for my the first three decades of my life.

SPEAKER_09 10:02

So it's just like what's the most like what what not nothing like weird, but what's the most like abstract thing that you've noticed that she likes to collect a lot of the two respect out of respect?

SPEAKER_01 10:16

There used to seem like a rhyme or reason to it. Like when I was a kid, she loved things with pansies. You know, she loved teddy bears. And so, like, oh mom's birthday or Christmas is coming up, pansies or teddy bears was the way to go. And then after a while, it like it just became anything and everything. So I don't know, I don't know what the straw was that broke, or if it was always like that, it just developed over time. But it's yeah, now it's like I there's no rhyme or reason to it. It's like and and I like I don't enjoy holidays anymore because all I ever get from my mother is less closet space. It's just so fucking annoying. And every now and then she'll come up with something that's like, okay, I could I could actually use that, but it's like one in a hundred.

SPEAKER_09 11:00

It's just she grew up being told that she can't have that, and then I don't know what can do.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

I don't know what it was, honestly. But like it's not normal though. It's like it's and that's the thing. Like I'm I've got a touch of it in where I have a lot of stuff in my house that I need to get rid of, but there's a thing in the back of my head that says you've got to get value for this somehow, and so every now and then I just say fuck it, and I just go to the the value village of the goodwill. But it takes way too long. Like like right now I've got uh in my main room downstairs, I've got an 80-gallon aquarium that I haven't used in probably over ten years. And it was like 200 bucks 20 years ago, and so I'm like, I should probably sell that on Craigslist or something. But yeah, but somebody's gonna be like, I'll give you ten dollars for it, and be like, fuck you, and the other part is gonna be like you should have just get rid of it.

SPEAKER_09 11:48

Why is your mom's demeanor? Um she's kind of a chill person.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Depends on the moment.

SPEAKER_09 11:55

Yeah, well, because I was thinking where I was going with that would be because uh maybe it's a way of like um instead of having your mind full of of just a bunch of like wild shit. Like maybe just I'm just trying to delve into like the the idea and the psyche of or like the the the the the the psychology of uh uh the the ignorant psychology that I could come up with of why people could hoard and maybe it's yeah, I'm not sure to be honest with you what it is.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Not in their mind that they're I don't I don't uh the sad part is I don't talk to her very much anymore um because there's she is involved with what she's involved in. She owns uh an antique mall, as it were, but it's really just a front for the hoarding. And so I hate I hate it, man. It is, it is, it's it's sort of um and I I can't stand the place. I don't want to have anything to do with it, and so like front for the hoarding. But it you know, like anybody, like anybody who's ever had like a parent that does antiques and and is got a touch of the problem, like they know exactly what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_04 13:00

Oh, I wouldn't doubt it. And so it's just it's how my grandma would I don't want to be around any of it.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

It it's it's a tr it triggers me. Um so uh I I I don't talk to her too much, and she doesn't like to be involved in anybody who doesn't support her in that respect. So she knows she knows she knows she's gonna be.

SPEAKER_09 13:17

My mom's always been birds.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Okay, like like actual live birds or just bird stuff.

SPEAKER_09 13:22

Yeah, that too. She uh but she's always been on birds, animals, and like she's downgraded as as time went on, but she's still bird. She used to have like any most given time, any given time that could be like the 30, 40 birds in the house. Yeah, yeah. I saw I saw she's got it like in cages, and then she created a business out of it, and she like babysat them, and then birds just became her life, and she's not the crazy bird lady, she's the smart bird lady.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

I mean, if you love birds, good for you, but I know like for me that's like that's like a red flag thing on the dating sites, which don't work by the way. And it's like like I saw I ran across uh my dad flew away. She seemed like a cool chick. And I ran and I was like, and like she had a little video prompt, like, oh I'm gonna so you turn the you turn the sound on and she's saying whatever shit she's saying. It's like she seems like a cool chick, and all of a sudden you're like, ah you know, I'm like, yeah. I was like, Do you have a bird? So I'm not like I I hit the thing, I was like, Do you have a bird? Yeah, like why not? Because she was cool. Let's but at the same time, it's like I don't really want to date somebody with a bird.

SPEAKER_09 14:23

Bird women.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

That shit's gonna live another 50 years.

SPEAKER_09 14:27

Yeah. Bird and bird women, they get pooped on. They're okay with being pooped on. She just keeps they keep it on the shoulder and walk around like a pirate and let it poop on their spot back all day long.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

But here's the best part of it. This chick she matched with me. Just so she could tell me she wouldn't go out with me. It was just like it's like, yeah. Like I think she's like, match with me, and she's like, hey, yeah, but just to let you know, yeah, it isn't. No, she says something like first of all, first of all, uh, I just want to let you know that I'm not interested in anybody who isn't uh expressly conservative in their profile. And so blah blah blah, something, something, something. And yes, I do have a bird, it's named something. Your dog looks really cool. And like I and I like I and I was like, all right, well, I gotta respond to this. I was like, that's fucking hilarious, etc. etc. And and then I was like, all right, well, good luck to you. And then she had to like put the stamp on it, like, well, yeah, I'm not gonna go back on my feelings and blah blah blah. I was like, okay, I wasn't asking you to. I didn't know, like, I didn't need to be rejected twice. You know, good luck. Like, I hope I hope you find and I like you know, like I'm I'm I lean to the right, but like, you know, apparently I didn't put it on my profile, you know, and so that was a problem. But at the same time, it's like I'm used to having liberal women talk shit and like I would never date you because of this, I wouldn't date you because of that. And I'm like, bitch, I didn't ask. But like, this is the first time like an expressly conservative woman did it. So all I know is like it doesn't matter what your political beliefs are, you're all fucking nuts. That's all I know. You're all like, I better tell this person I wouldn't go out with him just in case.

SPEAKER_11 16:08

What more do you gotta do?

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Dude, I don't have enough hydro money. That's it. Like I I I swear to God that like you you mentioned uh Kill Tony episode 707, uh uh two hours and one minute in with James McCann, who never said anything by the way, which is really annoying. I he during the interview process, he actually like he brought like an like the marriage thing up. And I always joke that the closest I've ever been to marriage was I asked I asked my girl who said that a girl I was dating to sit down and said, I need to ask you a question. And her response was dear God, please don't ask ask me to marry you. And that's the closest I've ever been to marriage was having somebody think I was gonna ask her to marry me. The question I was gonna ask her was, has she been cheating on her? And she said yes. So, like, you know, yeah, that was it. That's as closest to marriage as I've been.

SPEAKER_06 16:58

Billy, hit it. Hit it, hit it. Don't play that shit.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Uh don't don't no, don't play that.

SPEAKER_06 17:05

No, okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

If y'all want to watch it, you can go watch it yourself. I was gonna No, I'm glad I'm glad I did it. It was cool. I just I'm not happy with my performance, and I, you know, the inter I fucked up the interview. Uh I think if I were to go back, I'd have I'd do a much better time now. Um I you know. I I'm never I'm never happy with a performance. Never. Doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_09 17:24

No, it makes sense. Which is which is why I'm complacency is the complacency is the drug of fools.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Yeah, well, one thing I've known I've only been doing comedy for three and a half years. Is it been three and a half years now? I think it next month it'll be three and a half years, I think. But anyway, but you know, there's a lot of different peop types of people out there, but as far as comedians go, you know, there's the comedians that think they're the fucking shit. They're like, I never bomb, I'm the best. Fucking every time I go out there, I fucking crush. They're never that good. You know, and the people who are like questioning themselves, like some of my favorite comedians, at least local comedians, are the ones that they're always driving, they're never a hundred percent happy. Oh my god, you've gotten so much better than the last time I saw you, they'll be like, really? What what do you think? Like, like what do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_09 18:08

How much of those people that crush do you see doing reps between those big crushing sets?

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Um boy, you know, honestly, I not not necessarily a ton.

SPEAKER_06 18:23

It's an interesting perspective, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:25

I mean, there's a few people that I see out there all the time, and you can see their growth. Um I was trying to get out as much as possible last year, so I could say I hit a certain milestone, and then this year I'm trying not trying to I'm trying to not get out as much this year. Um, and at the same time, I don't want to be as desperate to go to every open mic possible. Uh because I think there's a certain, you know, you know there's levels, there's there's you hit one level and then you're like, okay, then you realize immediately what your next level you gotta get to it the next one. That's never enough. But like when you're when you start hitting the road or something like that, you start getting a show here and there where they're paying you what to me seems decent right now, or they get you a hotel room, which seems pretty cool. Um, and then you go do a good show and and people come up to you as like, why didn't you headline? You should have been headlining, or you do headline a show and like it goes well and people want to buy your shit. I feel it's it's cool. And then you come back and you do open mics and it's like getting back to reality. But there's also, I think, a thing about it, like if you're always at the open mics, and this is just a thought in my head right now, because I'm maybe because I'm frustrated, but it feels like a lot of the up and comers that don't they they see you on their level and so they don't treat you with the same respect that they treat some other people with. And I don't I don't know that might just be a me thing, but I know some people that I've worked with have done some things that are unprofessional that I've called them out on, and they're like, oh, I just thought we were friends and stuff like that. I was like, Yeah, but you're at a professional show now, you don't act like that. It's like, but I also feel like if they were to be working with Lynette Manny, Sam Miller, you know, name name your favorite uh flavor of headliner, that they wouldn't do some of the shit that they've done to me. And it's like it kind of starts to it's like, is it because I'm at every mic with them? And so, or is it like I don't know what it is? You know, like I'm a little upset, like uh don't I don't feel like I get any respect around here, you know what I'm saying? Like, uh I go to these mics and the people like, oh, you're so funny, but what I gotta book you because we're scared of something I don't know what the fucking problem is.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

So that is different.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

I think there might be some of that, it's just and it's also like it's been my life. Because I when I first started out, I wasn't saying shit about a lot of different demographics, and I found out real quick that you can't do that in the Seattle Tacoma area if you're a straight white male. Uh well like ugly straight white male, okay? And so I started turning everything back inside on myself, and so that was much more successful. And now, oddly enough, a lot I I I hear rumors that comedians get mad at me for my material. It's like, oh God, he's always complaining about how he can't get laid or something like that. It's like, yeah, well, you know what? I'm complaining too, because it's fucking worse for me. But at the same time, it's like, why are you mad because people laugh at shit?

SPEAKER_09 21:24

Exactly. And that's how we that's how we fucking work on our shit, dude.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

So tonight's not helping me get laid. Fuck you. I don't give a shit. No, I don't want to just get laid. I could get laid. It's I want to get laid with pretty people, and I can help them until I'm successful. That Al Pacino money.

SPEAKER_09 21:41

Dude, we need to get that out. Dude, he's he's popping out babies at fucking 80 years old.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

85, and I've got a great bit on it. You come to a show, you'll probably hear me do it.

SPEAKER_09 21:50

Oh, yeah, dude. Go see Bruce DeTore, man. He's fucking great. Good watch, dude.

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yeah, anybody in the Snowhomas County area, I'll be doing Chuckles on the Pilchuck on March 17th, the seventh anniversary. The day I was supposed to die.

SPEAKER_09 22:01

Hey, nice.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Yeah, St. Patrick's Day was not fun in 202 uh 19.

SPEAKER_06 22:06

Yeah. You won't want to do that again?

SPEAKER_01 22:09

I prefer not to, yeah. No, I I had a tumor. We just talked. That's all we do here. I had a tumor between my stomach and my colon in the connective tissue. I didn't know about it. And when I turned in the middle of the night, the way it where however it was positioned, it caused my stomach to tear open.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

Or perforate is the clinical term. And so I had to go through all that stuff and get a bunch of stuff removed. Oh God. Yeah. So I don't talk about it a lot in my comedy just because eh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_09 22:36

Dude, I fucking we're good. We're older now, man. And shit happens to people now. They didn't fucking. I got I I turned 40 and for my 40th birthday, I got an ulcer and six thousand dollars in medical bills.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

There you go.

SPEAKER_09 22:48

Yeah. Yeah. That's fucking that was a good that was a the welcome to 40, bud. I felt like my guts were turning out.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

I was uh I would have been 42.

SPEAKER_09 22:57

Yeah. I felt dude, I was like fucking I felt like shit, dude. It was one of the worst feelings, and it's still fucking kind of there because it never really goes away. So I have to like choose what I eat and shit. Now I gotta eat differently, and like I'll be fucking grown-up now. I can't eat fucking spicy ass foods and shit.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

I'm just a name, like eating spicy foods doesn't come out well the other hand. It's just like I'll get a little spice once in a while, but it's just like add the spice to the food.

SPEAKER_09 23:24

Don't make the food spicy. They don't get it. Billy, are you the are you the pour the hot sauce in the bowl of soup kind of guy, or are you the to put this hot sauce on the bite?

SPEAKER_11 23:34

Um I'm putting on it.

SPEAKER_09 23:37

You put it on it or do you like to put it in the bowl?

SPEAKER_11 23:39

Put it, I put it on it.

SPEAKER_09 23:42

You don't like you get a bowl of fucking fucking pho or something. Thank you for saying it first. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

What was the problem there? Like the only the Asian guy can say pho? Like it's like we don't want to get too racial here. You know, that you know that dish that everybody loves that you can pronounce? Like, what is that they sound like?

SPEAKER_09 24:00

No, I just didn't want to just come out and be like instead of like hey, you you know, when you're eating a bowl of chicken noodle soup, but you're like, I wanted to say pho, dude.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

Yeah, but yeah, I mean pho can be chicken noodle, if you know, or beef noodles. Yeah, yeah. I mean it's all chicken noodle soup. It's all noodles.

SPEAKER_09 24:13

Yeah, it's all noodles. So do you pour the fucking in the bowl while you see I can't do that. I gotta put it on the bite.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Oh, like that's too much that's too much work for me.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Every time? Nah. You pour it all over? Yeah, I dude. Yeah, just that mix it in there so I don't have to think more than more than once.

SPEAKER_09 24:31

That's too much. That's too much effort. It's too much work for me, dude. Or it's too much too much too much heat, dude.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

You want to control everybody.

SPEAKER_09 24:39

I really do. Maybe it's I have a control issue.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

That's that male patriarchy thing.

SPEAKER_09 24:43

Yeah, I just grew up getting told I couldn't have hot thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

Fucking white men and their need for control.

SPEAKER_09 24:48

Yeah, that's what I'm the whiteest guy here. Yeah, because I'm only half white.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Oh, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_09 24:54

The other half is whoever, whatever I'm with. There you go. That's a good way to put it. Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes I'm I'm uh you know, sometimes I'm Asian at work, or you know, I I'm Mexican sometimes, or I'm gay if I'm hanging out with gay people, so it's great.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Never been gay.

SPEAKER_09 25:10

Oh no, never. That's only half gay.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

So I never only half gay.

SPEAKER_09 25:14

Yeah. But only when I'm hanging out with gay people.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

I wish I was gay. In Seattle, I feel like, you know, they're like anybody who is gay or any like sympathizer would be like, that's fucked up. You have no idea. You're right, I don't. I'm just saying, like, in Seattle, it seems like that would be easier. You know, you put the flag on the back of your car, and you know, everywhere you go, people are like, hey, you want to move on? Like that.

SPEAKER_09 25:34

I was thinking about that. Like, uh, dude, dude had a joke. We were at the mic tonight, and this dude had a joke, and he was talking about it, it was kind of weird the way he was going with it. He was talking about, no, no, it was a you know, I actually was doing really good. I forget who it was, but it reminded me of a thought about gays and like when they're when they live together, and like like I'm all for gay marriage, but it kind of confuses me when dude dudes are married because I'm trying to figure out which one holds the other one accountable for shit.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

I think you know what? Jim Jeffrey does Jim Jeffreys does a pretty good bit on it. I was like, you know uh lesbians, they are all they all I'm I have to get my Australian voice, which is still wrong. There's people in New Zealand that have been like, that's not right. Um the divorce percentage of lesbians is 70% because they are two women involved. The second highest divorce rate, uh regular couples, uh they're about 50%, and there's still one woman involved. Gay men, lowest divorce rate because there are no women involved. Like so, but they're like you gotta do it, like you get along with the dudes. Like, yeah, you want to go uh watch the fucking game? Fuck yeah, dude, look cool. So beers, fuck yeah, dude, cool. You want to make out? Why the fuck not? That's a great relationship right there. Like I'm jealous of gay, like I'm jealous of gay men. They fucking they have style, they like and here's the other thing. You always hear like they're like they're all they all have such a fucking hard life, but at the same time, like they get laid whenever they want to. Like there's never any it's never like I I've never heard of gay guys like I haven't had sex in like seven years.

SPEAKER_11 27:15

Which one says not tonight? Which one has the headache?

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Dude, like it's just like because you have because because gay men are still men, like they just want to fuck anything they can fuck. But just gay men are able to do that. Like there's no perversion. I could never first of all, I could never be gay unless I knew my dick was the big one. You know what I mean? Like I'd have to have the bigger bigger relationship. But at the same time, I don't want to see another eh, you know, like I got in the locker rooms, it's enough for me.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_09 27:52

Too much, dude. No, but that's just like that's the only thing that confuses me about it. You guys can do whatever you want. It's just I'm just trying to figure out the actual dynamic because there are there is I don't know, dude. Who decides you doesn't know who to where to go to eat?

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Oh, that's true. Yeah, there's always there's got to be one that's indecisive about where to go.

SPEAKER_09 28:10

Yeah, but what if they're both decisive, dude?

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Oh, maybe that's just maybe that's the ones that last. There might be some of that too. I've seen I've seen some you know, I've seen some some gay couples where you can you can see the Who brings the other one a sandwich?

SPEAKER_07 28:25

That's all I want to know.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

I bet I bet it gets mixed up sometimes. Like I I I think of a gay couple I knew, like uh there's kind of an older, much more effeminate dude, yeah, and then there was a younger, full-on sports dude. You're gay.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Like, what the shit is. Thanks, the receiving and and the thing.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

But at the same time, like and you would think the older, more effining dude would have been bringing the sandwiches. But you know, every now and then that guy just fucking made a steak. I'm like, here you go, honey.

SPEAKER_11 28:55

It's the receiver. It's the receiver. Hey, bam, I made you a burger. Thanks, babe. Yeah, I'm gonna bring some new one. Someone's gonna be someone's gonna be Sam Darnold over here.

SPEAKER_09 29:05

So to like who gets mad, like someone gotta be so one of one constantly, dude.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

I'm so zoned. I didn't even know that I didn't even know I didn't even know the Seahawks were doing well until they fucking hit that last 49ers game. I'm like, wait, what the fuck? We're all we're having a Super Bowl. Like, here's the are you kidding me? Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 29:22

Dude, Sam Darnold, dude, like I said today, he's the only ginger in the world with a happy father. That was my opening joke tonight.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

I was saying, like, if it's a ginger, if any Bill Burr has anything to say about it, the father's still not happy. Put you through that wall.

SPEAKER_09 29:42

It's the only ginger that actually lived out his dad's fucking dream, dude. Oh, is that what it was?

SPEAKER_05 29:48

His dad was like, and they said that.

SPEAKER_09 29:50

Isn't that the typical dad, the typical dad dream? Is there a son to go up and win the Super Bowl? But like all the ginger sons have not done like like Sam Darnold got for Trent Dilfer won the Super Bowl.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

I'm uh I and Laoshan. Oh, okay, never mind. Like, because if you were like Japanese or Chinese, like, no, they want him to be a doctor or a fucking lawyer, you know.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

No, he's Polynesian too, so they wanted to be.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

What would your by the way? Oh, dude, I had a crush on the Laoshan girl like in in middle school, and she absolutely did not want to have anything to do with me. And then later, in the later years, like when I was like much younger than I am now, like we ended up at a Rick's in Lake City. It's a strip club, and I don't remember why we were there. I think maybe it was somebody's birthday or some shit like that. But she was one of the dancers. I was like, Anna, Anna. Like, I don't know what the fuck name she went by because I missed her set or whatever. Like, and she's like, How you been? It's Bruce from middle school. And she's like, she shook my hand and was all awkward about it. It's like only if I would have known the fact if I would have been a comedian back then, I was like, holy shit, I had such a crush on you, and now I get to see you naked. This is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

But I didn't think about it that way.

SPEAKER_04 31:05

She should have.

SPEAKER_00 31:05

She was a fucking fucking bitch. She told people she thought I was ugly, so fuck her. I was like, why don't you go out with Bruce? Because he's ugly.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Just because she was right doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

SPEAKER_09 31:14

I got shut down in in middle school. The girl that I was just, dude, I was fucking I was enamored by her, dude. I was I loved this girl. And I finally got up the nerve to ask her out, and she told me that she had a headache. But I was like, no, but I'm not sure. How about on a different day? Next week she said, yeah, no, I still and yeah, then too.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

And I was like, women live in a different world. Like so much. Like if you think of just the amount of dick getting thrown at women every day, like especially on the dating side. Like, like you, like, I don't know about you or you, but like can I get a compliment? I might get I might get a rights swipe once every three to four months. Whereas women are just getting like 10,000 fucking inboxes from every fucking guy you can think of. You know what it is?

SPEAKER_09 31:59

You are a menu. You're basically you're basically a you are a burger at Red Robin swiping on all these hungry fat motherfuckers, waiting for a fat motherfucker to eat you.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Yeah, but they all no that's exactly what they're doing. But they all think they they all think they deserve fucking lobster and steak and nice Chardonnay.

SPEAKER_07 32:19

Yeah, and they don't got no fucking money. And when they order you, they're gonna fucking call back, God fucking call back on Red Robin and want their money back.

SPEAKER_11 32:27

Yeah, they don't want your food free, bro. Yeah, but your fucking barbecue onion ring burber.

SPEAKER_09 32:32

They're gonna complain you have poor skin.

SPEAKER_11 32:37

I was vegan, bro.

SPEAKER_09 32:38

I did not know there was gonna be too much extra skin on the steak.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Extra skin. Whose fucking butcher are you going to?

SPEAKER_07 32:46

Poor skin? Oh, poor okay.

SPEAKER_09 32:50

She's like, I ordered dick. It's Uber Dick is what I call it. I call, I call, I call DoorDash. I mean uh I call uh all of them. Plenty of fat, I mean plenty of fish and Tinder. Tinder Yeah Tinder.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Scam, bro.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Dude, the hardest part for me is this this is this is how it can get canceled in the comedy community. The hardest part for me was uh I was on Bumble for a while because like, oh, the one that's got to make the first move, which is annoying because you always run across the profiles of the women, like, I will not make the first move. Okay, then you're on the wrong fucking site, by the way. That's why you're single. And two, like they're like the amount, I'm sorry, I'm gonna go here.

SPEAKER_09 33:23

The amount of I'm not calling the people on Tinder and the women that are swiping on the men fat people waiting to eat you. I'm just saying that the fat people are the ones ordering on DoorDash. Just got to reiterate that.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

You know this too, because you deliver. Um, like there's a certain type of woman that I'm just not attracted to, and that's a woman who started out with a penis. And it's just not my thing. I'm not interested.

SPEAKER_06 33:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

But the amount of of that particular demographic that I was running into on Bumble, it's almost like Bumble was like, listen, this is not working out for you. Have you tried, have you tried this? Like, would you be willing to try this?

SPEAKER_09 34:05

Well, on Bumble, only women can reach out to you, so that's like a man finding a hack, dude.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

I guess it's free, dude. If you're if you put your gender, it's it's female. Yeah, and you're a male, you can't.

SPEAKER_04 34:17

You gotta pay 99 cents, dude, to go five more swipes, bro. I mean, see what I'm saying? Yeah. Like if you're a female, it's free. Yeah, yeah. I've never paid for any of that. Yeah, I'm like, fuck that.

SPEAKER_09 34:28

Yeah, it's like I said, you it's like a burger having to pay to get paid to get paid to get eaten.

SPEAKER_11 34:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 34:33

Dude, you're not gonna eat it.

SPEAKER_11 34:35

It's like going to a club, you know, you can't get free.

SPEAKER_09 34:38

She's just like, what do I want? Do I want Thai? Do I want Thai food? Do I want no soul food? Looks big. Do I want do I want barbecue?

SPEAKER_01 34:51

That's the other part. Like, yeah, like fucking women, women always like, uh no, it's not important, it's not a thing, but every fucking woman you've ever gone out with will find a way to slip it in to conversation that they've been routed out by somebody bigger than you at some point. Like they would be like, oh my god, like my last boyfriend has such a fucking bigger dick than you, but they'll always be like, it's like, oh, you don't understand, man. Big dicks hurt.

SPEAKER_05 35:16

Like, what?

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Like, why did you bring that up? How did you fucking say that? They're like, Yeah, let's go fucking. No, like I I dated a guy with a huge dick once. It was not fun. Like, you nobody asked you these questions.

SPEAKER_11 35:29

I just consoling you.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

We know. We know you've all been routed out at some point. We just don't need to hear about it. Unless we're some weird fucking, unless we're a cuck. Like, I don't want to sit in the corner while somebody bigger than me fucks you. That's not like any man that does that, you're not a man.

SPEAKER_11 35:46

No. You're joining in. You're getting in the game and you're fighting for first place.

SPEAKER_01 35:53

You're doing it because you love your girl and you want her to be happy. Not in that way, no. Like, if that's how she wants, I want her to be miserable.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

Fuck that. Come sit down in the real world with the rest of us.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

First thing I asked my biggest girlfriend when she fucking admitted it. I was like, yeah, I did. Cool. How did his dick taste? What was it like? Was it good? I don't understand why you're so upset.

unknown 36:21

And you never will.

SPEAKER_09 36:24

Man, I remember I remember um I remember a long time ago, my my so when you when you meet someone on Tinder, my one of my favorite jokes was when when I first started comedy, I would say, uh, meeting a woman on Tinder is fun. My favorite part is learning all the names of the other guys that she's saying.

SPEAKER_03 36:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 36:46

And then so and and then it's a and then I say that we're we're engaged now. She's told them that it's getting serious. So, you know.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

So then she's gonna quit fucking them all three, six months after the marriage.

SPEAKER_09 37:00

Yeah, no, but so she didn't, you know, she stopped. But the problem is we're all single, right? And we get hit up by people afterwards, but women get hit up by old flames more than men get hit up by old flames. And it's not the women's fault, because they you know, they live they're living their life.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

But it's the But it is their decision how they handle it.

SPEAKER_09 37:27

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

And it shows you how they respect you.

SPEAKER_09 37:30

Exactly. And that's why I'm that's why I'm happy where I'm at, you know. I've seen this, but there's but the the thing is, is you two are able to laugh about it, and that's funny. There was one time um and a particular woman that I was with. We were sitting, we were sitting, uh we were we were we were hanging out, and she got a text message, and she's like, oh my god. And it was a big giant black dick laying on top, laying on a laying on a leopard skin something, leopard printed something. And the image was so vivid that I can't get it out of my mind. You know what I mean? I couldn't. It was it was like what the fuck burned burned in my burned in my vintage forever. And she said, remember this. But you know, you it's it's it's it's it's not the where they've been, it's which which road they're gonna take, what road they're taking now, right? Shit happens.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

I guess, you know. Fucking work then, King goes, if not, I'm gonna fist you.

SPEAKER_09 38:41

Like it's my dad told me a story about his brother getting home. His brother came home from prison one time. His brother was home from prison and hadn't had sex for a long fucking time. And my dad walked in on his brother, and he's like, I walked in on Joe, and he was just like, just fucking put it in.

SPEAKER_11 39:02

What the fuck? What the fuck? I was like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_00 39:08

Fucking crazy pinky people out there.

SPEAKER_09 39:09

He's like, get the fuck out of here. Oh my god, this is wild shit, man. Oh man, I could talk for days. I got a crazy fucking family, dude. Like a bunch of Italians, so I don't have to say much. They've done wild shit. They've robbed zoos, they fucking have been in jail, they've done everything.

SPEAKER_01 39:28

I like how we just robbed, we just glossed over the robbed zoos part. Like how do you do that? Well, there's this there's this marsupial that he was really into, and he thought, I'm gonna I'm gonna come back, I'm gonna get the fucking school.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

You know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_09 39:42

I've told the story a little bit uh before, but they uh the best that's they they they um they went into the zoo and they they they coerced a bug baby monkey to come to the fence, and the baby monkey climbed and they went over the fence and grabbed the monkey and took the monkey in the car and drove the monkey home and kept it as a pet for some time before it started getting wild and out of control and attacked his mom, and my grandpa had to beat it up and subdue it because it was a full-grown baboon. He was beating the baboon.

SPEAKER_04 40:20

That was a baboon. That's yeah, that's not a monkey.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

What the fuck?

unknown 40:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_09 40:26

And so he ended up, they ended up having to take the monkey away, and the monkey got out and broke out, and they ended up having to shoot the monkey. Yeah, it was it was shoot it.

SPEAKER_04 40:40

That's a real thing.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

He got meat beat. We had a lot of dogs and cats growing up.

SPEAKER_09 40:45

They said that he used to jack off and throw his tongue at the light bulbs, and the light bulbs would explode.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

That's fucking fuck. That's brilliant.

SPEAKER_09 40:53

Yeah, his name was Benji.

SPEAKER_01 40:54

Benji the monkey. Benji the baboon. He shot it. They shot the baboon.

SPEAKER_09 40:59

That's shot. They shot it or just they shot it. They had to put it down because he was wild and he was state like a state animal control?

SPEAKER_01 41:07

Or like okay, you're I thought maybe he was just gonna This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. He was like hitting a fucking desert eagle.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

They took the dive away, the the animal control that and the dabuid ended up getting out and escaping somehow.

SPEAKER_09 41:25

And they had to like put an APD on him and shoot Menji as he was running away.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

Yeah, it's like uh sad, right? This is like a really bad YouTube channel.

SPEAKER_09 41:40

But he got to swing around in evergreen trees in the woods with a bunch of rednecks. Sure, yeah, that uh that sounds like where that would happen. He would pounce on people as they were running out of the house. As they were like going towards the bus stop, he would like be swinging in the trees and then jump on them. And he hung out with the dogs. He hung out with dogs that ate uh dog food.

SPEAKER_04 42:01

Yeah, that happened.

SPEAKER_09 42:03

They fed it dog food.

SPEAKER_11 42:04

What the fuck was this? A bunch of rednecks. What is that? Portland? Fucking Oregon in the fucking woods, dude. What the fuck? In the fucking 60s, in the 70s. You robbed Portland Zoo. Not me, he's in the 70s. Oh my god. Can't even do that now.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

James a baboon in the 70s outside of Portland. Okay, that's that's what you Google search people.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

It probably isn't a Google. You're like, missing baboon.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Dude, it's like right next to 1976. Right right next to an article about D. Cooper.

SPEAKER_00 42:37

Debbie Cooper stole a bunch of money, but first, then she's a baboon escaped again.

SPEAKER_11 42:42

The Green River Killer's at it again.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

Fucking good old Gary. Gary Ridgway was married three times, by the way. I found this out about a year or two ago when I was doing a joke joke about Gary Ridgway being able to get married, and I can't get fucking late. That was really, you know.

SPEAKER_09 43:00

Yeah. So okay, this is the perfect, perfect time to pause for the cause. Hey everybody, thanks for watching. It's your boy Chef Matth. I just want to let you know, hey, like and subscribe, share this with your friends. We get subscribers, we can start doing prize drawings. That sounds kind of dope, right? And if we can get more comments, hey, comment us. Let us know some topics. Let us know what you guys want us to compare. Let us know what you guys want us to talk about. Give us some things. We'll shout you out. We'll shout out what you got going. Hit us up, man. Thanks for watching. Cracking eggs. Let's keep it going. See ya. Two, three, action. All right. That was the pause for the cause. Hey, Billy. Oh shit, bro. Hit the hit the hit the um Hello? No. Um when I when I say reset, I forgot to accidentally unplug Bruce. That would be fuck. Hopefully you didn't.

SPEAKER_08 43:54

See that's why I'm glad I have that up at all. Unplugged me.

SPEAKER_09 43:56

What yeah, I unplugged the extension down there.

SPEAKER_04 43:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_09 44:02

Oh gotcha. That is basically would be like the interface that's in front of you. But it's a good thing. So what's up, everybody? That was a pause for the cause. We're back. We're back in it. And uh yeah, so tonight we had a fucking mic mic fate mic event. That was dope, dude. Um I felt like there was a good amount of people I mean, for the amount of people there and uh how often I get out, I feel like it it did I did all right, you know. I wish I was able to do it.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

No, you know, you did all yeah, I like I said, I went out to my car for some when I came back, you were like about halfway through your set, and people were laughing when I came back in. I was like, oh shit, is that Isaac? Is he up there now? Oh fuck, there he is. And uh yeah, I don't remember what I don't I don't remember what jokes you were on, but you were doing you were doing something. You made him react. It's been uh That was a tough room that started out really tough.

SPEAKER_09 44:53

Yeah it was uh it was good to see Yeah I'm not gonna lie Um it was around the time that uh about the time he went up and it started to seem like you got a little you started getting people laughing a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Yeah, I felt like I had to wake him up a little bit, you know. It's it's you know, for anybody watching, if you're you are in or you're not in comedy, it's it's such such a god, open mics, you get you can have anything from we had a dude on his very first time tonight and all the way up to people that have been doing it 10, 20 years, so you never know what you're gonna get. And sometimes it can it can be slow. The other thing is like open mic um patrons or like the open mic crowd is usually people like they're not invested, they didn't spend any money, it's a free show. Yeah, so they're like man, I don't care. Like, which also makes you wonder like if that you know when you see somebody who's on a date, you're like, you brought them to a free fucking show, you fucking loser. You know, it's like just go for a walk in a park with a dog. That's what I did on my last date, and it didn't work. So no.

SPEAKER_09 45:55

That's funny. So here we uh so uh the show's crack and eggs, right? And so we've always cracking eggs. Uh I like the name, we we rolled with it, and I came up with we I came up with the the theme for the theme for the main segment of the show towards the end, we call crack and eggs, and it's evolved in so many different ways. We go from ranking different things or we go from cracking and cracking into topics. Sometimes we do it and uh I've always have a way of doing it. So today my woman she got me I say my woman because she's my fiance, but when I say my fiance, people sometimes assume it's a dude. Yeah. So I want to just say my woman first.

SPEAKER_00 46:40

Who's the lucky man?

SPEAKER_09 46:41

No, um, so what she did, Sasha, Sasha went and grabbed me some cool ass golden eggs, and what we do is we got some ideas inside.

SPEAKER_08 46:50

And so I'm gonna have my buddy here. Oh, hey, look at that. He's gonna grab one and open it up, man. Open it up? Yeah, and then I will I will just I will tell you.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

Then I will just I like how like I can open this with one hand, but if I try to do that on the stove, it'll go all over the place. Like, I don't have that skill. All right, here we go.

SPEAKER_10 47:09

Hey, happy Easter.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

So exciting. So exciting. Here's the topic. What happened to entertainment? It's a good question.

SPEAKER_09 47:18

What happened to entertainment? Okay, so basically, what I'm talking about, what happened to entertainment.

SPEAKER_03 47:24

Actually, we're gonna take it.

SPEAKER_09 47:28

It just stopped being entertaining to a lot of people in some ways. It seems very repetitive. It seems like it's being taken over being kind of lazy. I feel like a lot of AI that is definitely true. A lot of AI is coming into it. I feel like people aren't putting enough of the meat and potatoes, there's no tryhards, or maybe there's just no more hero. It's it's no more ideas.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

So yeah. I think I think there's more to it than that, because I mean there's an old I I think there's no I don't I don't know, saying or old topic that there's only like six or seven different story ideas when you really boil it down. But I think what started happening the last decade or so, maybe a little bit more, maybe a little bit less, but they abandoned story as the driving force between a from for a lot of entertainment. You know, I like I'm also an actor, which means I'm a failed actor, but you can have you can have uh the greatest actors in the fucking world, but if the story is shit, the movie's gonna be shit. You know, and so and and there's only so much you can do, but if you have a great story, you can have mediocre actors and the story will pull them through. And I think that's what kind of happened. Like wherever that the transition was from worrying about the writing and the story and making a good movie, uh, it became more about what boxes do we need to check off to make sure we cover all the bases. And I'm not saying that you know representation isn't important, you know, you want to be represented, that's great. But at the same time, if if when I see a story or when I see it, whether it's a TV show or it's a movie where you can tell that they did something more to represent a demographic than they did to tell a story, then it just ruins it for me. I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit who you know, like I've seen stories where like like there's uh the like the main character happened to be gay and they happen to be in a relationship and all that, but if the writing is good, they don't need to emphasize that. And then you see a lot of stuff where it's like they need they're they're obviously making sure to bring these topics up that have nothing to do with what's going on, just so they can say that we had the perfect amount of representation or something like that. And I think that's where where it really got bad. And then, you know, if we want to go a little bit further back, you know, when it, you know, obviously it's about making money. And I think a lot you talk about the no new ideas, a lot of people are like trying to piggyback on old stuff to make money off of it. So it's like whenever you whenever you see some come like, oh man, they're gonna make a new blah blah de blah. That was my favorite, and then like then it just ends up being the most god-awful fucking movie. I'll say Transformers, man. Transformers was like my favorite toy growing up as a kid, you know? And like when when the original like the first Transformers, what, 2009 or 7 or whatever it was came out, I was like, dude, this is gonna be fucking amazing. Like I remember I saw the first preview where uh the helicopter came in and made the noise. Like I called up, I was like, dude, they fucking used the noise. You know, and then you go see it, and you're like, oh yeah. And then like the second one sucked, was terrible because Michael Bay decided he was gonna do the writing and like he shouldn't have been doing the directing, you know, like it was just terrible. And then like it just got worse and worse from there. And like it took me a long time to go back and it's like, yeah, the first Transformers sucked too. But it's because the story was bad. Yeah, like like you think about it, like they go right into it.

SPEAKER_00 50:49

They could well, I mean, they just they had the resource material.

SPEAKER_01 50:53

It's the same thing for Star Trek now, like or or or Star Wars or any of those franchises. They have the resource material and they're like, you know what, we're gonna do we're gonna do it from how I'd like to see it done. Because the fans don't own this. They kind of do though. You have a responsibility. If if you're gonna like Star Wars did it really, really bad, where they're like, we're just gonna say fuck you to this maze base that's been sticking with this since 1979, six, or whatever. And like, we're gonna do it the way we wanna do it.

SPEAKER_10 51:25

Yeah, and then they they hear it all DC boasted, and that's why Game of Thrones got ruined.

SPEAKER_01 51:30

Yeah, well, yeah. Well, Game of Thrones got here's what ruined Game of Thrones is Game of Thrones uh got ruined when it became big enough to where all the female actresses uh they could demand more stuff in their contract so they stopped getting naked. Like that's that's where Game of Thrones failed. That makes sense. Remember, remember, I'm sorry. I think it was Amelia Clark, is that is that Khaleesi? Was that her name? Like she was, let's be honest, she's hot. She's a good-looking girl, right? And then they're like, oh, she's famous and she's blah, blah, blah. And then she wrote it in her country. I was like, I'm not getting naked anymore. Like, what? God damn it. Like, well, same thing happened with Shameless, that fucking gorgeous brunette with the amazing body, and all of a sudden she's like, I'm special. I want to get paid as much as the guy who's been acting for 40 years. Yeah. And uh, and I'm not taking my shirt off anymore. Like, God damn it. Like, this is the only reason I watched these shows.

SPEAKER_09 52:21

That's a good point. Because uh the the way the way that that made is that why, like I fucking love Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones was I didn't see it.

SPEAKER_01 52:32

Game of Thrones was was a good show. There was also the fact that they got they got to the end, to a certain point, they got to the end of the books, and then they just started kind of kind of free-flowing because they had to get the next season out.

SPEAKER_09 52:44

I'm sorry, but why the motherfucker are you gonna have a little girl kill the Night King? She's he's literally fighting Jon Snow. They're literally having the fight we've been wanting to see for the entire show. You know what I'll say.

SPEAKER_01 53:04

I don't think that was here's the problem with that scene. It wasn't because it was a twin. Like you didn't see her coming out, like, holy shit, she fucked. There's that one, like, holy shit, she got him. The part that was stupid is when she's jumping out of the tree, she's like, ah, like, don't she telegraphed the move. Like, if she would have kept her damn mouth shut, I think she would have just stabbed him right in the back, like, uh, we're done. But no, they had to do that stupid thing. She's like, uh, she's learned how to do all this stuff like a ninja, but she's gonna scream out when she's dropping out of the tree so the Night King knows she's coming. Fuck you, bitch. And then she just happened to be dumb dropping, like, eh, I got you with a dagger. Yeah, that yeah, that doesn't matter. That's the problem, but that's the thing, is like that was stupid. It's like that's that's the kind of thing that pulls you out of movies is when stupid shit happens. Uh, like if you've ever like, I've done extra work, which is not a brag. But one thing I can't stand, like when I'm watching extras in a movie, because I'll I'll pay attention to what they're doing. Like, they'll be in the background and an explosion goes off, and they're just like blah blah blah blah blah blah gigantic explosion. Uh-huh. Really? No, that's amazing. Like they never, like they don't react. Hey, we're having this is what this is our big moment to be acting in a movie, and then all of a sudden, somebody just got shot seven feet away from me. I'm not gonna turn to look at it because my job is not to be involved.

SPEAKER_11 54:18

Like, it's just like can't stand that.

SPEAKER_01 54:24

Like Doc Ock just threw a car through the window of a fucking bakery, and you're not gonna move. That's like, come on. Like, like maybe duck. You know, like can we can I duck? Like, I've been I did this really shitty move, like I shouldn't say, I did this movie that it's on Amazon Prime. It it it didn't come out in the theater as far as I know. It had a cool name and then they changed it. Anyway, um it was called Polito, and then they changed it to Do Justice, which made no sense because they actually talk about the character being called his nickname ended up being Polito, which is some sort of white guy thing. Um but anyway, I had like I like I had like four or five different dress changes because I'm the only one that brought that many shirts. So like I'm all over this. Like you all you see the back of my head, or like like this much of my head. Like anything where I would have been in camera, they had to reshoot because uh the main care the main the main bad guy had COVID, so they recast him and reached out to see him like fuck man.

SPEAKER_10 55:20

So you came as an expert prepared with other multiple multiple changes of clothes.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

Well, in case they needed you. They'll usually do no, they'll that wasn't my purpose. They usually be like, okay, bring bring clothes that look like this, bring a couple different options. Okay, I'll bring a couple options. And then they they like, oh, we need people over here, but we don't want you wearing the same thing you were wearing over here. And then at one point they're like, Do you have any more? I had like six shirts. They're like, Do you have any more shirts? It's like I didn't realize I was bringing, I didn't realize I was gonna have six fucking costume changes to be an extra. You know? They're like, oh well this one kind of looks like this one, so we can't use it. I'm like, all right.

SPEAKER_09 55:54

I don't I think it would be cool, but I don't really but not think in general acting would be cool, but I mean I don't think I'd be in anything because I think my I my my look is guy who tried and it failed and is now trying something else. That's like where that don't they don't they're not looking for that.

SPEAKER_01 56:14

No, they may not they may not cast you as a main in a main role, but you Oh no, I'm ginger, I would never get a main role. I don't know. You you I feel like you could be the informant on like a cop show. Yeah, you know, there you go. Totally could. Like you might die towards the like I'm watching the blacklist right now, you would definitely like get shot at some point, by the way. Yeah, like Red Reddington would Ray Raymond Reddington would shoot you. And like, and and you didn't it turns out you didn't betray him or anything. Like, no, I was loyal to you. Well, I can't take that chance. Boom. You know, like ah, damn it, Raymond, you did it again.

SPEAKER_00 56:47

Um I think that uh story writing is just falling apart.

SPEAKER_01 56:52

No, it really is look at because look at it, let's be honest. And they're also the people that are making movies, they're not making it for the masses anymore, they're making it for whatever marginalized demographic they want to cater to. Well, that doesn't make money, and that's why that's why so many different franchises are losing so much fucking money. But then you all of a sudden like Top Gun comes out and does Top Gun Maverick and it fucking murders. Why? Because like like I remember watching it, goes like, holy shit, they're not killing him? I thought they would have killed him off. Like I'd like I totally thought they were gonna kill off Maverick Maverick, and they never did. They rescued him, like the the white male actually was still the hero. Like, oh, they like he didn't end up like making out with Goose's cousin at some point, you know. Like it just It's like I'm Goose's gay cousin from you know from Poughkeepsie, and it really hurt what you did. Uh let now let's kiss. Like none of that ever happened. Yeah, like they just it was just a fucking man movie with fucking planes and missiles and shit. And it fucking made a shit ton of money.

SPEAKER_05 58:00

Yeah. You know? Yeah, we need a that's what we need to do. We need a save in private riot, man.

SPEAKER_01 58:05

That's the thing, is like they they don't want like they're starting to try to do a little bit more story stuff here and there, like every now and then. Like I'll watch like if you've never watched The Critical Drinker, no, like he t he he outlines it all like he's probably in the world.

SPEAKER_09 58:16

I would go more along the lines of do we need to bring back the no no I want to know now.

SPEAKER_00 58:22

You can't you can't do that.

SPEAKER_09 58:23

I thought they would have been on the I thought do we need to bring back the island or something? Like we need a new kind of island, like no.

SPEAKER_01 58:30

Oh, I thought you were talking about a different island.

SPEAKER_05 58:33

No, that's the island I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing. Let's be clear. Uh there's still there's there's still plenty of people in Hollywood fucking kids. This dude, it's like children of the corner. I swear to God.

SPEAKER_07 58:43

I think why is entertainment so bad if they're still doing it.

SPEAKER_01 58:45

Uh because they're they're trying to cater to to anyway. Let's go back to kidfucking. Anyway. No, like they do it every like decade or so. They they'll they'll ring they'll bring somebody out like Weinstein or Cosby and they'll sacrifice them to the to the the gods of the populace, you know, so it looks like they give a shit. But they don't. There's still kids getting all over Hollywood, you know, and some of the stuff that's coming out in the Epstein files are just like, I don't I think the reason why they get away with it is because people don't want to believe that all these people they watch are actually doing that shit. And it's like they are. Like, I don't think I I saw some like like I don't this is just allegedly allegedly, like Leonardo DiCaprio eats was eating baby meat and shit on the island or something like that because he thought it like made him young, or like I don't allegedly. This is all fucking rumor and speculation. I didn't read the file, I just heard some shit. But at the same time, it's like you know, turns out Pizzagate kinda is actually real. Like they're like, oh, let's get some pizza and grape soda, which was like that was like a way to order a tur certain type of like prostitution.

SPEAKER_05 59:58

Did you see them asking uh Hillary Clinton about Pizzagate?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:02

Yeah. That was oh no, I didn't see that. I don't think I saw that part. Of course she got mad. She's being held. Yeah, she stormed out. And it's not because it's not just because it's Hillary Clinton, it's because women don't like to be held accountable for anything. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:18

Oh my god, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:21

No, it it really like no. First of all, if there's anybody out there that doesn't believe Hillary Killing is one of the most evil people in our country, they are so fucking beyond help. Bill Clinton Bill Clinton allegedly has been accused by so many people, like you know, like Juanita Broderick, like it's never changed her story. Uh she she's one of the ones who says like he ripped her and like like and like the Secret Service like held court outside and stuff like that. Yeah, Secret Service members was like, oh no, he would he would like go around, he would like just grow up random women and shit like that. Like he was just a bad he's a bad person, and he's never gonna get held account.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:57

Ever. I didn't I honestly don't think he had anything to do with the kid in the pool. I think the kid just wouldn't get out of the pool.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:06

I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:06

You literally got to abduct him.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:09

He may not have done something in the pool, but he was like, let later later on I'm gonna have sex with that kid.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:14

I think just like I didn't need to do this joke tonight, but uh because I forgot it, but I'm gonna do it now. I think they just take all these weird sick motherfuckers and put them out on an island somewhere and then with no children and deny that they were ever there. All right, let's go.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

Okay. CEO burgers.

SPEAKER_11 1:01:33

Oh, yeah, the CEOs agree. The big art burgers?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:37

Yeah, everybody like like, oh, the CEO of McDonald's didn't take a big enough bite.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:41

You know, and so they like had all the other guys taking bur taking bites of their own burgers.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:46

I think the CEO of McDonald's just has a small mouth, and that's why he's that's why he got the job.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:51

Well, he might he he does he also what if he knew he just ate the part that wasn't people meat?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:56

I well, I think they say that I just had McDonald's. I think they said that like in in every McDonald's patties, there's like like a million separate strands of DNA. Uh uh fuck that. I was gonna say human DNA, but you know, like because they can they study like like in in like McDonald's burgers, like if you go to the get like if you if you go get burgers from like a regular farm, it's like one strand of DNA. You go to like some other places like 16, you go like to the grocery store, it's like 70, 80. And then you go to McDonald's, it's like a million separate strands, because they just put like a million cows in a grinder and like grind them all up together. Yeah, so it's like yeah, so it's just so the CEO there's a million different DNA strands of human meat. That's probably Taco Bell.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:43

That's where Taco Bell, I believe Taco Bell more than anything because I've eaten my McDonald's and I didn't completely shit my pants and feel like I needed I was gonna die the next day after eating fucking a Big Mac.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:54

They put something in McDonald's.

SPEAKER_09 1:02:56

I eat a fucking chalupa in a goddamn in a goddamn fucking flat because I'm there's I don't know where they're at right now. Um I left them at Crunch Wrap and that was it. Crunch wrap was where I left, dude. I was like, I I don't I haven't eaten Taco Bell since I don't know the last time I had Taco Bell.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:11

It's probably been a couple years, but I had McDonald's when I was in Newport, Oregon, uh what, last month? February? Yeah, beginning of February. And it honestly was good. I think I think if you have it once in a while, it's not too bad. Like it's probably bad for you, but it's probably not too bad. But if you're having it all the time, it's getting a bad rat. I'm just saying, like, if it first of all, if you if you eat at Taco Bell or McDonald's and you don't realize that you're doing something unhealthy for yourself, you shouldn't be allowed to vote. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_10 1:03:42

Like it just like that is that's like You already know you're not you're not making bad good choices.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:47

No, it's it I swear to God, it's like it's like oh I but I eat healthy, like I went to McDonald's and I uh I got a diet coke.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:55

Like that's that's coke is actually worse.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:58

Yeah, it's like that that was that's that's your barometer for for whether or not you're crushing it on the health scale. No, I don't think you're okay. We all know we all, if we don't know, we should know. Uh uh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, whole grains. Now, uh that doesn't account for the boxes of cheese it's I have in my pantry, you know, but like I'm just saying, uh like I know when I I know when I eat something bad, what I know I'm doing it. Yeah, and I've just kind of accepted that no one's ever gonna love me anyway, so who gives a shit what I look like? But at the same time, it's like you know, I I know how to eat healthy. It's just it's one, it it actually doesn't take that much more effort, but we think it does. And then two, like when I get home, I want to throw something in the air fryer. And ever since I got the air fryer, I buy a bunch of shit at Costco that I can throw in the air fryer.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:48

So hey, shout out to David's chicken katsu.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:51

I put that shit in the air free. Oh, David, David's chicken katsu. Chicken katsu came out good yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:57

With that panko breading.

SPEAKER_09 1:04:59

Dude, he made some chicken katsu at work yesterday and she was fired. Jen came back, she's like, oh my god, this is so good. It was like, shut up, bro. I ate that shit in the air fryer every day.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:08

But anyway, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:09

But no, there's just another the the CEO burger, that's just another stupid. We we get fixated on a on a on a burger. Uh uh as a society, we get fixated on he didn't take a big enough bite. That that that means he won't eat his own food because yeah, the CEO of McDonald's knows it's bad for you. I'm back on his own. Oh, even if you I'd still bite the shit out. I don't care.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:30

Like, but I'm officially back on Team McDonald's. I'm not gonna eat it, but I'm back on Team McDonald's. And your fries, I'm sorry, but I mean you got the baby's best fries for 10 seconds.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:40

Oh, yeah, but it like this, listen, if it I'm cheap. Like I like I grew up in an era where like you get a com when they first the combo meals first came out, like I remember that. And it was like$4.93, man. And and like now it's like 20 some odd bucks if you want to get a burger and fries. Nah, I'm good. I'll I'll cook my shit. At home. I feel like it's cheaper too. Although I will say on the way here, we stopped at 7-Eleven. I got two uh two hot dogs for$3.50 or whatever, or$3.59 or whatever. And I feel really dirty because I ate them. They didn't have the big bites. They had the Dr. Pepper sausage. I'm like, okay, this looks like a normal hot dog. Maybe not work. It did not work. It was not the best decision I've made this evening. Because you can taste Dr. Pepper in it, and it's like you know you just did something wrong. I didn't like I had no idea what I was getting. It's like there's no way this is gonna taste. It tastes like it's a very it's like hot dogs themselves are unnatural. This is like another tier of unnatural. Like, but the the big bites were sold.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:46

This tastes good.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:47

I'm just gonna eat it. But the big bites, like the regular like big bites, they were so old, they'd been on the log roller for so long that they looked like the woman in like there's something about Mary. You know, you remember the like you remember the old chick with like the cigarette skin? Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. It's like ah, dude, I I probably it would have just been like hot dog jerky at that point. I probably should have just gotten one of those. I'd have felt better about myself.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:10

Yeah. Wow, this so that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:12

It's like if you ever, if you ever want to understand why Americans are so fat, go to 7-Eleven and get yourself a Dr. Pepper hot dog. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I didn't believe, like, there's no way. And there is. And it's it's just so like I don't know what I'm gonna eat when I get home, but I will not feel as bad about what I eat when I get home as I'm going to feel about the Dr. Pepper sausage that I ate tonight.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:40

What's that gonna do? Is that what it's gonna do to you?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:44

Dude, just what the doctor didn't order. What the your lava lamp has seen better days, my friend? Oh, it's just not hot enough, yeah. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, oh that lava lamp can't be. That's how I feel about the last girl I spoke to from a dating site. Just not hot enough. I actually I sent a rejection text tonight. I didn't talk to this person for like three, four days, and I was feeling like there's I can't just ghost this person. And like, I was like, I was like, I'm sorry. Like, there's just no spark. Like, you're a really nice person.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:11

And three days, yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:13

And then and then and then she wrote me back. It's like I really appreciate that. I didn't feel a spark either, which is just her way of like kind of putting three. You never have a woman do that. It's like, uh, you know, they bring something up, blah, blah, blah. It's like, oh, you know, like I'm just not in there, I just don't see you that way. And then they have to make sure to tell you that they don't see you that way either. It's like, oh no, yeah, no, like I would never go out with you. It's like, that's fine, we've already established this. Like, I don't know. Like, there's a girl in Pioneer Square that would always do that. Like, Bruce, what would you like? Oh, well, I personally wouldn't go out with you, but at the same time. Like a job offer. It's like, no, like they like they probably wouldn't anyway, but the fact that you finally say something, then they have to reiterate it. Oh, like, oh no, I totally get that, because I'd never go out with you either. It's like, yeah, didn't ask. Like, I beat you to it. Sorry.

SPEAKER_10 1:08:53

Like, all right. It's just so they don't want to they can't be held accountable for being broke up with.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:59

No, they like they want to they want to feel like like I I dated a girl, I broke up with her, and then like a week later she broke up with me, and I'm like, yeah, let's just go with that, fine. You know, like okay. You know, which by the way was probably the biggest mistake I've ever made. She was the only girl that probably ever would have loved me, and like I just wasn't feeling it, you know. And I like it was just terrible. Uh crash outs. What what is that referring to? Crash outs.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:26

Uh that was what I wanted to change. Crash outs, that was a dice. I see we see it's a crazy thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:30

Let's change it because I'll talk about anything, apparently. Sorry if like any of those girls ever see this podcast. Whoa, hey, careful, buddy.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:37

Oh, the the girls that the girls are not gonna see this podcast.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:40

The girls with the Wendy's uh crashing out. Yeah, we already know.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:43

Oh, is that what that was? That was Wendy's crashing out girls? Yeah. Oh we Trump, is that operations?

SPEAKER_09 1:09:50

Oh, this one I wanted to do. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:56

Trump. We're doing some operations. It's gonna be the greatest operations you've ever seen. It'd be so good.

SPEAKER_09 1:10:02

He has so many operations, man. He's got like how the fuck so okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:07

We're gonna have more operations than Joan Rivers. It's gonna be so many. How did you come up with Epic Fury? Epic Fury? Oh, you like how I named So here's what I do. I come up with a great name. I always have a great name. The people they don't know, they they want a good name, so I come up with a great name. So have you heard that you wouldn't believe this? Let me tell you. I knew we were gonna bomb the shit. I said we're gonna bomb the shit out of them, and that's what we're doing. And I knew it was gonna be epic, and we were gonna do it with a fire and fury like nobody's ever seen before. They'd say, I can't believe it. I've never seen that before, and that's what we were gonna do. So I put them together. I said, Epic fury, that's what we're gonna do. Boom! By the way, that's the thing about Trump. Like, like five finding a way to make it make it funny when I gotta do something is another thing, but like, dude, that guy, that if you asked him to do your outgoing message on voicemail, like he would reach the mark before you ever got to the point. It's like, hey, could you think, uh, this is the president, the greatest president of all time. I'm so good. Some people wouldn't say I was gonna be good, but they didn't know any better. Those are stupid people. Okay, so what I'm trying to tell you is there's so many greatness, so much greatness going on. A lot of people wouldn't believe it. Can you believe it? Frankly, it's the most greatness. You beep, you'd be like, fuck it, goddamn it.

SPEAKER_10 1:11:21

What the fuck is that? That's true.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:27

Did you hear what he said when they blew up the they when they blew up the they blew up the the building or blew up that the boat? The boat? They blew up the ship, and they're like, we should keep the ship.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:37

And he was like, Oh yeah, that's right. He's like, uh, we probably should have kept it. I why don't we just keep these ships? But no, we like we like blowing them up, it's more fun. So now it's at the bottom of the gulf, that's where it's at. It's just like like fucking idea. Listen, I think first of all, uh like I don't want to get too far into what what the other side thinks, but at the same time, it's like, dude, this guy, like I I think one of the reasons people hate him so much is he's not presidential in the way he talks. Like, like Obama never, like, uh, so uh if Iran doesn't uh uh do what we tell him, we're gonna bomb the shit out of him. It's like he would never, he would never have said that. You know?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:21

It's not VR, it's not a personal relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:23

The clo the closest the and the closest Biden ever would have gotten to saying we're gonna bomb the shit out is like he would have just been like, I just shit my pants. Like that's as close, you know. Poor Secret Service in that fucking administration.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:35

Jesus Christ. I said, um we have so many CDs.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:38

Uh I just made chocolate chip ice cream in my pants. Oh my god. That's why I can't watch the view.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:48

Like oh, he was so good. No, he you're such a fuck.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:54

Four years of people in Seattle telling me it's like, no, he's the fucking greatest president of all time. You're a fucking moron.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:00

Did you hear anyone? I heard some a rumor of him renaming ice to the national.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:06

Well, so have you heard have you heard have you heard the the the bit? Have you have you birth heard the bit from Adam Carolla?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:14

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:14

So Adam Carolla did a bit about that a couple months ago.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:17

Really?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:18

And so there's a like like did he see that bit? Yeah, Adam Carolla. I can't do Adam Corolla, maybe I can. I don't know. But he's like, yeah, so what we're gonna do, we're gonna call him the national, and now we'll make them nice. He's like he's got it in one of his comedy routines.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:36

Yeah, so it's like so like like like I don't know if Trump saw that. He's like, uh, this guy, a great comedian, smart guy. He came up with his idea, we're gonna call him nice, that's what we're gonna do. Or if he was just like because I think about it, eventually somebody's gonna come up with that.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:53

Do you think he would say it was it was his idea?

SPEAKER_11 1:13:56

He's his eyes and ears.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:57

Adam Carolla? No, do you think Trump would say they both had the same idea?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:02

Well I ran into him and I told him this is what you should do. You call him nice, you do a comedy, do uh one of your comedy things about it, it'd be so fun, it'd be so great. It'll be the greatest joke you ever told. It'd be a perfect joke. Guess what I'm telling you? So many people, and you don't have to you don't have to tell them I came up with it, even though I did. That's right, I came up with it. But you say that ice is nice and that people will love you. Just like they love me. They love me, they love me so much. I don't think I sound like him at all. It's so fucking weird.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:35

It's great, dude. It's because you're really good at putting emphasis on the part that makes people laugh.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:40

I feel like somewhere right now, like uh Shane Gillis's balls are aching. You know what I mean? Just like just like, why are my balls hurting? You know? Well, anybody anybody that would have said something's dead now, so you know.

SPEAKER_09 1:14:53

I said they said Trump wasn't there. Maybe they just didn't want Trump there, and that was their way of letting him down easy.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:02

Can I go to the island? They said I couldn't go. I don't know what's wrong with these stupid people.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:08

So Trump's like now he's fighting him. I thought that was pretty funny. Yeah, yeah, there was a kid in the pool, but the bitch wouldn't get out. You know, okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:18

Well, you're the thing, like no matter what happens, like the populace is never gonna be happy with whatever.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:24

I can't wait to see who they get mad at next.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:26

Yeah, it's like they'll never be happy.

SPEAKER_09 1:15:28

Two years he's gonna be gone, and he's gonna be out, and no one's gonna really talk about him again, and then everyone's gonna be like, oh, what are we gonna do about now?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:35

Does this say Tim Curry? No. Jim Carey. Jim Carrey, oh, Jim Carey. Tim Curry. I don't like spices. Uh no, I do. That's a rabbit hole. This is a Jim Carey. I think Jim Carrey just got Botox or something fucking. Yeah, he got a no a facelift. He like he got stung in the face by a jellyfish or something like that. They're like, oh no, it's not him anymore. It's like, they all do it. They're like, they're all like, I'm gonna I'm gonna age gracefully, and then they get then they hit the wall and they're like, okay, I need to have some shit done.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:02

Well, he was looking pretty gangly there for a little bit. He was looking pretty like he.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:07

He's always been gangly though.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:09

He is getting old though.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:10

Yeah, and like he's getting old, probably getting a bit of a pot belly and like filling out a little bit. You know? I mean, dude, the worst one is Madonna. Have you seen pictures of Madonna in the last year or so? Dude, she looks she I don't even know what to say she looks like.

SPEAKER_09 1:16:28

Madonna now?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:30

Dude, it's just like it's like like who thinks that is like anybody fucking her is doing it for the money, I guarantee you at this point. She looks like she looks like a retarded sorry, a special needs blowfish. Yeah, because you know, over time when you get old's uh cosmetics and makeup or plastic surges. But that's the thing, like they try all that stuff and they ended up looking like some sort of kooky fish, and it's just dude, you can't cheat nature. Yeah, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:00

You know, you have to get renewed every every every month or something to get it filled.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:04

Is that about this Madonna?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:06

Yeah, dude, that is just creepy.

unknown 1:17:08

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:09

Yeah. That's Madonna now. It's like she's like I'll put it I'll put it on the screen. Yeah, you Google it yourself.

SPEAKER_09 1:17:17

Google it, Google it. You can see there's a hundred of them.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:20

But then there's like this. Is that like a newer one? That's an angle in a lot of makeup. That's what that is.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:28

Yeah, there's an angle going down. It's like yeah, that's the one thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:31

For any of the ladies that ever end up watching this, stop wearing so much fucking makeup. Like men, men don't care. Like, men will fuck anything, by the way. So just shave your pits and fucking like yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:46

It's okay. You're still fuckable. Dude, I don't need like I it's the it's the perfect angle of girls. You know, you gotta be like, you can't show the.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:54

Oh, by the way, also, also, also, also for the dating sites. If you're taking a picture from this angle, we know you're fat. Yeah. We all we know. That is the fat girl hiding angle. If all if all your pictures are from here up, you're fat. We know you're fat.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:14

That's what you're saying. All pictures of most pictures of guys where all their pictures have a hat on. Dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:20

Yeah, like I I just do this now because it's raining outside.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:24

Do you ever use shampoo just to remember what it smelled like?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:26

Uh do it on my back. Yeah, it keeps it keeps everything nice and smooth. No, I haven't bought shampoo in like 30 years.

SPEAKER_09 1:18:31

You know, I noticed I remember I was trying to tell this as a joke, and I don't know how to tell it, but like I because I was just riding up the road and I found myself actually listening to the words of the hair loss commercial. Oh shit. I was like really listening to it. I was like, am I 40 now? Like, what? Because you don't see it's gonna thin out, it's gotta go. You don't see ginger redheads in their 50s with hair.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:53

Okay. I never thought of it that way, but I also don't check out. Body drop? Hair drop. Hair drought. Okay. I wish I would have made it that far. Um that's the thing, too. That's like that that's the one that I that is the demographic that you're always gonna be able to make fun of. Body acceptance. You gotta accept people for who they are. Don't make fun. That's body shaming. Look at that fucking bald guy over there. What a loser! Like, this isn't your dad's fucking baldness. Shut the fuck up, bitch. Yeah. It's like, how dare you? Like the the one I hate the most is when I first started doing comedy, like people would talk shit about me all the time, and then they'd get angry. Like, like, like if you ever made a fat girl comment, oh my God, Jesus Christ. That's one of the things I've always been opposite. Like, I want to be with somebody, I want to get better when I'm with somebody. I want to feel like I'm motivated to make myself a better person when I'm with somebody I care about. No, that's great. And I've been in relationships where I wasn't because I wasn't into the relationship and I didn't care. And then I've been with people that I was fucking so into that like when I worked out, like it was my inspiration to work harder and to try harder and like make more of myself. Whereas like women, they're like, I got him. Fuck it. I'm gonna stop sucking dick. You know, just like like they get that ring, like, I don't want to do that. I really don't feel like doing that. It's like, cool, did you do it with the guy you were seeing last weekend behind my back? Well, that's different. Women women will justify anything for themselves, man. They they really do. I'm sorry, like I'm like the whatever podcast right now, but like it's because I'm jaded and lonely and angry. But my one of the exes I talk about in some of my acts, like the the one I talk about on the Kill Tony episode, as a matter of fact. When I went to go see her when I found out she'd been cheating, and I said this. I said, I've been beaten off like a madman thinking about you because I've missed you so much. Her response was, that always made me feel really inadequate. I'm like, that made you what do you mean that made you feel inadequate? She's like, Yeah, I don't understand why you have to do that. It's like, yeah, but I'm thinking of you, and it's just every guy does it, it's not a big deal. It's like, well, it just made me feel really inadequate about myself. Okay. Not even ten minutes later, this is what she was saying. I don't understand why you're so angry. We just had sex. That's fucking woman mentality. Like, I can't beat off because it makes you feel bad, but I'm not supposed to be upset when you're fucking other guys. I fucking hate that shit. That's like it it and that's it's it's everything I want. She cried to me one night telling us, like, I'm afraid you're gonna cheat on me. I'll never cheat on you. That's not who I am. I'm never gonna do that. A couple months later, it's like, he's just my friend. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's that's a joke I don't tell very often. It's like, if you're interested in a woman, if you're friends with a woman and she tells you that she only thinks of you as a friend, she'll never fuck you. But if you're dating a woman and she tells you some other guy is just a friend, she's fucking that guy every time. That's fucking facts. It's fucking true. That's so true, dude. That gets big laughter at the urban clubs, okay? Like they're like, they fucking know.

SPEAKER_10 1:22:03

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:04

Yeah.

unknown 1:22:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:05

No, they'll justify anything they then she then she then they'll tell you later, they're like, he wasn't as good as you. I'm never gonna find another guy like you. I'm like, no, you're right. There's no other guy like me. I'm I'm the most me there is. Apparently that wasn't working out. So and I was not that cool about it at the time. I was a wreck. So she had big tits. You can't you can't keep a girl with big tits. Dude, just they got dick thrown at them like being in a fucking hot dog factory during an earthquake. It's a fucking mess. I'm not sure if you're laughing at the hot dog factory joke. Like, I feel like that was a delayed reaction. Like that one took a little long.

SPEAKER_11 1:22:50

That was the that was the moment where we were just like, what the fuck did we know?

SPEAKER_01 1:22:57

Like, oh, oh, is there is there history that we okay? So I had this Dr. Pepper's on the side.

SPEAKER_11 1:23:13

Oh man.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:15

My woman is that oh, okay. Dude, I thought the bigger the titties, the bigger the the it's it's it's prime real estate, man.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:22

You got a big fucking pair of knots. I even told that I even told her.

SPEAKER_09 1:23:24

The bigger the burden, dude. Bigger the titties, the bigger the burden, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:28

That's that's that's honestly like if you ever like whenever you it it's so rare. Like you ever you ever see a woman who's like like hot and great shape and she's got big natural fucking tits, and then you talk to her and she's smart, you're like, what the fuck just happened here? That's why when you meet a woman who looks good in makeup and knows how to change attire, you're just like, fucking hey, that's hot. Low maintenance and you can fucking bring in your own groceries, that's amazing. I'll still do it for you, but like that's what like you don't have to do that for me. Yeah, if you always held accountable, that's the like I was I was in a here's a weird story. I was in uh I'm really proud of this part. I was in a Walmart in uh fucking what, North Bremerton or wherever the fuck that area is. I was on my way back to the ferry, I had to get something, so I just stopped at the Walmart to grab like in fact I was getting a uh a bag for my trip to uh Austin when I was on Kiltonen. And I'm walking through, I'm walking through the Walmart. So proud to say that now. And there's this little, she's probably five, two, like little petite-ish, you know, probably college age, maybe a little bit older. I can't tell anymore. I can't tell if you bitches are 13 or 30 anymore, but I'm 49, so I can't have any of you. Anyway, I'm walking, she's getting this gigantic fucking box. It was some sort of furniture that you had to put together, and she's trying to like get it out, and like I walked by and I saw it, and the Bruce and me I backed up. I said, listen, I don't want to offend you, but can I help you with that? And she just lit up, like, oh my god, thank you so much. Like I assumed, living in Seattle, that this chick was gonna be like, I don't need your fucking help. I'm gonna fucking, you know, like that kind of shit. Like if you've ever opened a door for a woman and she's like, I don't need your fucking help, I'm like, fine, bitch, open it yourself. Like, you know. But every now and then you meet a woman like that and you forget what it's like, and there's that like oh, oh my god, you're not gonna get mad at me for doing my male responsibility that's been instilled in me over the last hundred thousand years. I know what you're doing. Oh, like when you meet when you meet a not even a traditional trad, whatever the fuck the the the new trad is, not even just a woman who is okay with being a woman. And that doesn't mean anything terrible. Like if you mean like you know the it's hard for me because like when you meet somebody that still wants to have kids, you're like, sorry, roads closed. But at the same time, when you meet somebody who's like likes it when you open a door for them, or doesn't like like I can't they're appreciative too. I dated I dated uh I call her the Coast Guard girl, she'll never see this, but uh God, she was sh the la one of the last things she said to me was awful, but she was a such a cool fucking girl, man. She she brought back my belief that that not only was there love, but I could love somebody. And uh she would like grab the check and shit when I wasn't looking sometimes or stuff like that. Like we got to fight over stuff like that. She never she didn't wear makeup, she was a pretty girl, you know, not not super amazingly like fucking model supermodel. Um this is only gonna last a month before you're fucking 20 other people hot. She was just a good looking girl, nice, she was fit, she was in shape, you know, all that kind of stuff. So but like that kind of shit, just having somebody that was I I call it low maintenance, man. Like she never got angry about wanting to fuck her. Like, we all know that as a guy, you know. Like, holy I used to have like whenever I'd be dating somebody, if we're sitting on the couch doing the Netflix thing or whatever fucking random or VHS in my day. Yeah, dude. But like I every now and then be like, hey, you want to go to the bedroom and fuck? Every time. That's oh my god, it's all you want to do, that's all you care about. The only reason you're with me is because you just like fucking me. And like, yeah, because if I wasn't fucking you, you'd just be an expensive friend, you know? But that's a great joke. Thank you. That's a great fucking joke, and I know all the all the man haters are mad at me now. But so the Coast Guard girl sitting on the couch one day, blah blah blah. Hey, wanna go to the bedroom and fuck? She goes, Yeah, let's go. Like, oh no, no, I was just kidding, because like every time, like it's a joke because like she just looks like, does this mean you don't want to fuck me? I'm like, oh shit, let's go. There was never any of that fucking bullshit. Like she was happy to go, and she wasn't crazy. There wasn't any like weird shit involved, like there, you know, but it was just like She was cool and and you know eventually the Coast Guard moved her away and I think she was happy to happy to leave, you know, but at the same time, like there was there was no bullshit. You want to get up, you want to go somewhere? I was like, Yeah, let's go, cool. You don't have to you don't need like 45 minutes to fucking do your eyebrows. No, let's go. Great, let's go. Men don't want that. Real men don't want that shit. Stop reading women's magazines trying to figure out what men want. We want to eat, we want to fuck, we want you to at least make us feel like we're we matter to you, and and and don't drive a fucking Subaru. That's kind of what I'm going. Like just God damn it.

SPEAKER_09 1:28:38

Well, Sasha drives a Subaru. Does she?

SPEAKER_01 1:28:44

That's the other part. I will say, dude, yeah, dude. If you if y'all we don't care if you make your own money. We don't mean did Sasha hurt your feelings one time. Who's Sasha? Who is Sasha? What are you talking about? That's my my my fiance. Oh, like why are you asking me if Sasha hurt my feet? Oh, okay. I'm like, oh, the super thing. Probably. I probably got stuck behind her in traffic at some point. Like, you know?

SPEAKER_09 1:29:06

Alright. Well, on that note, last one, last egg. Voting for stupid shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:12

Oh, God. Yeah.

SPEAKER_09 1:29:13

That's what we were talking about. We're talking about fucking taxes, dude.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:17

Seattle Seattle, Tacoma, like, I call it the I-5 Corridor, man. The I-5 Corridor through Washington will vote for anything, anybody with a D behind their name, and anything, anything, anything, any tax, because they sell it's like, oh no, it'll help children. Our children are getting dumb not mine. Children are getting dumber and fucking dumber the more we spend on them in this goddamn state. Because the money never actually goes to that. Oh, we pack we're gonna pass this tax and we're gonna fix the roads. Where'd the money go? Well, we had to, you know, we had to send it to like a bunch of scammers during COVID, or we had to do the, we're gonna, we're we we had to go through the rainy day fund and spend everything.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:58

Do daycare funds. Everything's on sucker.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:00

Yeah, daycare, yeah. Somali learing centers, you know. And supposedly we got just as much, although our legislators are like made it illegal to like look into it somehow, or like you can't you can't investigate, or else you'll be uh you're a racist. Yeah, there's something I can't remember what it was, but recently like the new socialist mayor of Seattle came out and was like, yeah, we're not gonna do that, and we'll fight again. They just put signs up all over a bunch of parks saying that that ICE can't do their job in these parks. It's like how much money did that cost? How much taxpayer money did it cost to put those signs up? Yeah, by the way, they they they they they don't the it's a federal agency. They don't fucking they don't have to obey any state laws that contradict their laws. That's the thing. It's it's it's a song and dance, and they're doing everybody everybody before the election's like Ferguson, he's not he said he's not gonna do this, he's not gonna do this, and then he did all the things he backtracked on. He I'm not gonna do this, did it. I'm not gonna did it. I'm not gonna sign it, did it. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna raise rate the highest tax increase in like 50 years. And then they found out that it wasn't enough to cover their fucking spending budget, and so they did it. Oh, well, we're gonna have to make more taxes. Gonna do it again next year, guarantee it. Every time he says this, because they they they love they're like like democratic government is like a teenage girl with her dad's credit card. They have no fucking control. And every time the fucking stupid voter, they come up with this, they come up with some fucking justification for it. I spent like my my property taxes uh are now over ten thousand dollars a year. Um I'm spending just under a thousand dollars a month uh on property tax on something I'm supposed to own. And everyone's like, well, you have a hand, yeah, I fucking do. But that doesn't mean that that's not excessive. It went up twelve hundred dollars this year, it went up a thousand dollars last year, and at this rate, I'm gonna be I like I have to figure something out in the next two years or so, and I'm gonna be out. Yeah. I mean, or they can pay for it, they take your house. Yeah, you know, like you can't afford your apartment, they they can't even kick you out half the time in Washington anymore, and then the property owners get fucked. Now we have now we've got the income tax, they pass the income tax at 9.9% on anybody making over a million dollars a year, and everybody's like, oh, that's just gonna be that doesn't affect me because I don't make a million dollars. The fuck it doesn't, and here's why. Because the people who make that money are now that that run the businesses are gonna up the cost of everything to make up for the money that they're not fucking getting. And so it is gonna cost you more. That twenty dollar mick that twenty dollar McChicken meal is now gonna cost you thirty dollars. And people don't fucking understand that shit. And then when it comes like, oh, that's just the cost of living in a place like no, it's because you made stupid decisions.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:50

You voted for this shit. You know, Starbucks CEO. Yeah, he's moving, he's done, he's out, yeah. Because it's the high cost of living here. Dude, the millionaire.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:00

And and the more they leave, the less of that tax they're gonna get. And so they're gonna and any provision to make it, any provision to stop it to going to lower tax brackets, they they did not, they eliminated. They vetoed it, they got rid of it. So that that income tax is gonna be is it's gonna eventually it's gonna be, okay, if you make over$750 a year, if you make over$500,000, then it's gonna be for everybody.

SPEAKER_09 1:33:23

And the cost of living has gone crazy. Rent's insane, dude. Like it's like rent, is rent is almost equal to house payments. So people are like, why would I want to buy a house when I spend less money?

SPEAKER_01 1:33:34

But they spend money on all these pet problems. Listen, uh, if you're a genuinely homeless person that had a bad stroke of luck and all that, I that's terrible. I feel for you. But if you're just some fucking drug addict that wants to live in the woods and doesn't and wants to have shit paid for, fuck them. In Seattle, the last time I heard in Seattle we spend like$110,000 a year for every homeless person in Seattle. Yeah, but that's never gonna be used on that. Like, dude, give me$55,000. I got a house. Can you like give me some of that money? And here's the thing the problem is not so much the homeless people like the the it's a big enough problem as it is. The problem is it it all that money that's going, it's become an industry. It the people that are making the money off of it, they don't want to solve it, they want to facilitate it. You know? That's the only thing that makes sense. It doesn't make sense to spend that kind of fucking money on you. The bike lanes are another pet project that drive you fucking nuts, man. Dude, listen, the laws, the laws are the way the laws have been written forever. Like you're supposed to ride to the right of traffic with traffic. You're not supposed to be in traffic, you're not supposed to be going against traffic, you're supposed to be with on the right. But now, well, okay, we'll make a lane, we'll we'll spend a bunch of money painting shit. Okay, that's not enough. We're gonna get rid of parking and turn those curb lanes into actual dedicated lanes with their own curbs and their own signals that fuck people up who are trying to turn left so they don't know what's going on. And it's just millions upon millions upon millions of dollars. And then when that doesn't work, they put a bunch of those fucking three-foot-high plastic things all over the place that look like it's ridiculous. That old sign, sign, sign everywhere, sign, holy shit, that guy has no fucking clue. I want to bring him from the 70s, put him in Seattle, and see how fucking his mind blows up.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:15

I went a wrong direction in Seattle all the time. Dude, it's you're Asian.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:19

That's just different. There's yeah. I'm just saying, like, we spent so much fucking money. We did it in my, I don't know if you have it in this neighborhood out here. In my neighborhood, they redid all the fucking corners at on every block throughout Seattle because they weren't ADA compliant. It's like I've never seen somebody with a wheelchair in my neighborhood. I've lived there 30 years. And we had we had to spend God knows how many millions and billions of dollars redoing ramps, you know? And that's the other thing. That the this whole victim like, uh, do it for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:52

What did I see?

SPEAKER_09 1:35:53

Bro, the money that goes gotta go in to do one intersection or one corner because you gotta you gotta get a team out there, you gotta get people to start fetching off the road.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:02

You got 15 people standing around with their thumb up their ass while one dude's working a backhoe.

SPEAKER_09 1:36:07

Yeah, yeah. All they're doing is making sure people aren't coming around. I did traffic control.

SPEAKER_01 1:36:15

I was gonna do traffic control because I used to know a buddy that made, and this was like 20 years, 20, 30 years ago. He made like 20 some odd bucks an hour, and so I went and took the course. I'm like, I'm gonna become a fucking flagger. And it might like as soon as I got it, they changed it to where like you made like minimum wage. Yeah, unless you were grandfathered in. Like I couldn't get that money. Like my my buddy Lance was making a shit ton of money just standing around like fuck, all right, I'll make. You know? And now, and now what's the minimum wage is like 25 bucks an hour? Well, now yeah, now I imagine. Yeah. When I was younger, I'd have been the fine. Now it's like my back. If I do like an hour-long set, when I go to get off stage, my body's like, what the fuck are you moving for? We settled. Like all my my knees are like, I we thought this was the way it was gonna be for a while. I hate fucking bulk messages, by the way. That's fucking my one of my tortures. It's gonna be like my torture when I die and go to hell is gonna be sitting in traffic on i5 behind four Suburas, a Tesla, and a goddamn Prius. And I'm just gonna have with three fucking uh polyamorous autistic people complaining about their problems, and it's just my phone is just gonna be going off with bulk messages from people I asked not to put me on group chats. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:37:32

You know?

SPEAKER_01 1:37:33

This is what you fucking do on this.

SPEAKER_10 1:37:35

A little bit of a group chat.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:36

Oh, I can't stand it. Bring, bring, bring. And it's and whoever decided that you have to get an extra message when somebody emojis the goddamn message needs to be fucking shot by a firing squad with their blindfolds off.

SPEAKER_09 1:37:50

Well, when you have Billy, when you have a billy text, but I call this a billy text. A billy text, a billy text is a billy text.

SPEAKER_11 1:37:59

Yeah, you know, but you guys get like a I get a hundred messages.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:04

Dude, it drives me nuts, man. I think I'm on the spectrum too, because every time I see that thing, like I need to clear the little red dot. It drives me nuts.

SPEAKER_11 1:38:09

The billy text, dude.

SPEAKER_09 1:38:14

He rattles his thoughts off instead of ready, and then he just cut it up. I don't do the bundles.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:19

The reason why is just I'm not gonna read the whole fucking paragraph. Fucking and half the time I'm driving too. It's like, like, why? Like, how come you're not responding? Uh, because I maybe want to get to I want to get to my destination without destroying this car, probably. That's what I'm going for. You know, I've never had an airbag deploy in my face. I'd like to keep it that way.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:38

There you go. There you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:39

Where the fuck did we start this conversation?

SPEAKER_09 1:38:42

And then that's a good time. I think it's about a good time to wrap it up.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:46

Wrap it up.

SPEAKER_09 1:38:47

It's been fucking cool. Is there anything else you want to plug for the rest of the week?

SPEAKER_01 1:38:51

Man, I'll tell you what. Uh I'm gonna be doing uh like whenever I I'm old enough now when I move, I make uh trump noise.

SPEAKER_09 1:38:58

Ah you should do your um do your uh Bruce Willis impression.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:02

Uh my Bruce Willis impression, real quick. Just uh there you go. Um because he can't talk anymore. It's god damn. Fuck it. Your girl needs a lozenge.

SPEAKER_05 1:39:18

Like you're saying fat dad, bro.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:23

Good for her.

SPEAKER_06 1:39:28

Good job, baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:39:30

I sound like my grandfather in his 70s. I'm starting to sound like that. Here's a big one. April 7th at Tacoma Comedy Club 6th and Proctor location. It's Ha ha Tuesday. Uh Bo Blast puts on a fucking amazing show. If you've never been there on a Tuesday, you should go on a Tuesday. He puts a Saturday night show on on a Tuesday night. It's fucking amazing. And he puts so much energy into his performance, man. The guy is such a hard-working comic. Dude, he's gonna blow up, and if he doesn't, it's just a goddamn shame. But uh he's asked me to feature that day. It's gonna be the first feature set I've done at Tacoma Comedy Club, which is bullshit because I should be fucking working that goddamn club by now.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:10

I don't know why you're laughing so hard at that, but um I went to Holly Tuesday on accident once because I thought it was an open mic night, and I just walked in and sat down in the back and was just watching. And you know how everybody's just in the front on Hollow Tuesday? Yeah, I was one of the only people sitting in the back, and Bo was on the stage doing warming up the crowd. Yeah, he kept looking at me, he kept looking at me in the back, and I didn't pay. I just came in and sat down and I didn't know what was going on, and then I realized that it wasn't an open mic night, and I was like, oh shit, and I got up and I left.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:42

I want to pack that guy. Once again, April 7th, this coming April 7th, Tuesday, April 7th, at Tacoma Comedy Club, 6th the proxy location. I want to pack that fucking room out. It was a good game, good show, good game.

SPEAKER_09 1:40:54

Good show. You guys take it easy. Thanks for watching. Kraken Eggs. Um, we'll be on again. Uh who knows what's gonna happen next or who will be on. I've got some I've got some uh I've got some bullets in the chamber. I got some pretty good I got some killers in the in the in the wings, so let's get it rolling. Uh finally shout out to the t-shirt mafia. T-shirt mafia, go to go go get go get some uh addiction.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:25

It really is true.

SPEAKER_09 1:41:26

Like it just three porn addiction.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:30

No, you don't. There's free shit all over the web. Just make sure you have a good like browser protection. You're good.

SPEAKER_09 1:41:34

Oh yeah, don't worry. Nothing in this room ever touches porn, so we're good. Alright. Easy guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:42

Targeting and I'll record it.