Episode 20: We’re Running Our Mouths 👄

Episode 20: We’re Running Our Mouths

This week, we’re doing what we do best: pulling up a chair, hitting record, and seeing where the conversation takes us.

We kick things off Ashley’s talking about RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) and the surprising insights she’s uncovering about her personality, relationship patterns, and the stories she’s been carrying around longer than she realized. From self-awareness to self-accountability, we get into the messy, funny, and sometimes uncomfortable work of figuring yourself out.

And then… the conversation takes several scenic detours.

We’re talking relationships, personal growth, random observations, life lately, and all the little side quests our brains love to take. By the end, we’ve somehow landed in a discussion about Etsy witches, and honestly, that feels exactly right.

No hot takes. Just real ones.

If you’ve ever started a conversation about healing and ended up discussing something completely unrelated 45 minutes later, more like 2 1/2 hours, this episode is for you.

🎙️ Grab your favorite drink, settle in, and come hang out with us for a classic Two Things Can Be True free-flow conversation. Sometimes the best episodes are the ones with absolutely no map. 💜

| New episodes every Saturday. Follow us on Instagram @twothingscanbetrue.podcast and join the Group Chat.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Hey group chat, before we get started, a quick disclaimer. This episode has no agenda, no lesson plan, and barely a destination. We started talking about therapy, took several unexpected exits, and somehow ended up discussing Etsy Witches. So grab a snack, settle in, and enjoy us just absolutely running our mouths. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Okay, I'm not supposed to be drinking, but I want a cocktail on outside. It looks so nice outside. It does. It feels so good. The breeze is cool, but it's sunny. Listen, no, I'm gonna have this creatine and this water. I'm not gonna have a beautiful margarita right now. I know I gotta be consistent.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

I got creatine shoes. They're like gummies. They taste like vitamin.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Is creatine not really just for like almost like a low-key, like what people take when they do steroids for working out? And it's just what it's for. Yeah, to feed your muscles. Give me a little extra pump. That's what give me a little extra pump.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Okay. This is such a cute little setup. I like this a lot. Look at you.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

I like this a lot, even though it's hot as dick outside. No breeze whatsoever. Alright, so remember how I was telling you um a therapist was supposed to be sending me this class thing or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Oh my gosh, are we really about to do this on this episode? Oh, are you about to do this to me?

SPEAKER_02 1:42

Well, she finally texts me. So here is what she sent me yesterday. So one thing she did give me advice on, because I was telling her about how when he was whining about the cage or whatever, I was like, instead of, you know, like yelling and losing my shit on him. I just was like, you know what? I'm not arguing with you. You can either take the no and stop talking about it, you can do it yourself, or you're grounded. And even the slightest, but that's that's arguing back. And I'm not doing any more like negotiating proposition with him or something because wearing you down, it's manipulation, and you end up like debating with the kid. I'm just not doing that. So what she said, like the next time that like we're in that instance where I have a firm no, I'm not changing my mind, you know, right or whether he likes it or not, and he still wants to argue, or he comes to ask for something, she says to you know, say his name. I realize with that request, or you know, whatever insert the behavior here, whatever it is, that what you're really communicating is you feel invisible right now and you want to bomb with me. So can you please bomb with me right now? She said, one of two things will happen.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

They'll be like, get the fuck away from me now. Like, it'll know.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Or they will want to bomb, but she's like, it will create a learned behavior of when I go ask my mom for something, I'm going to get something, but it's not a toy or a gift or a snack or a juice. It's not the thing that I'm coming to have a tantrum for. I'm gonna get my mom's time and attention. And the learn behavior is my mom will always be available to give you my time and attention. One. Two, instead of, you know, feeding into a tantrum, my that I'm never gonna get the thing that I'm whining for. I'm only gonna get time and attention. And before I go bother my mom, let me ask, do I want to sit and have a personal hour with her? And if I know that I don't, and I know that she's not gonna give me what I want anyway, but make me sit and read a book or whatever, yeah. Before I ask. So she said, um, the statement alone will make him, especially at this age, stop asking for stuff. Just wait for him to ask again for something else at that time, hug him and repeat that statement statement, which should desensitize his behavior, meaning getting him out of being manipulative to curiosity. He's gonna be thrown by your new response and behavior, which should make him curious. And at that point, you're in there. So again, her whole thing is instead of me even responding to things with frustration or anger, the goal is to answer, respond with curiosity, because whether it's why is that person behaving like that, whether it's why is there this person's comment making you feel or respond in this way, or you know, it's always in relationships or communication with people. It's yeah, it's better to like like with us yesterday, to lean in with curiosity as opposed to whatever our immediate emotion is because the immediate emotion is our part. It's it's a hundred percent about us. When if you're in a two relationship dynamic, that person's feelings and thought process just valid as yours. So when you leave it just, oh, well, this is how you made me feel, you completely negated the other person's experience, the person's feelings, and what the ultimate communication is meant for. But if you lean with curiosity, you get to hear that person and you get to learn from that person, and hopefully that person will then from learned behavior in turn bring curiosity to you and they learn from you or they listen to you.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

Um, so she's like at the end of the day, all kids really want us to engage with you and learn something, learn anything, but using manipulative masking and other techniques, they don't have the verbal and the emotional intelligence to say, like, hey, wanting this thing is not what's making me react this way. If I like like just with the bear just now, if it simply was a moment of curiosity, like, oh, well, make you when'd you draw? What'd you make? What'd you do? How'd you draw? I want to draw one. He didn't know how to articulate that.

SPEAKER_05 5:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

You know, well, where was I? Well, what are we already doing? Well, I want to do one that like that's for curiosity, but he can't articulate that. So his natural instinct is to reject it and freak out.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Yeah, to reject it all.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Right. Yeah. So then so she told me, she was like, As for you, start today to change anything. I gotta tell you what she told me about me. I rejected it until I thought about it all last night and this morning. I want to know what you think. Okay. She goes, As for you, start today to change anything, any behavior that does not have value. For instance, tours around the house, activities throughout your day. We will look at doing things differently because the way you were doing them was literally killing you slowly through blood pressure and disease. Wow, we have we have accomplished so much things. I was talking to her about work and everything, how my life was before. Yeah. Um, she says, Oh, only entertain that which has value. So then she sent me a whole thing about breath work. Um, she said, and then starting at nine o'clock to put my phone on grayscale, which I forgot to do. You know, that'll help desensitize me. Um she talked about other self-care things I could do. She said, Um, and then uh after my breath work, I was supposed to record the first andor last most significant times that made me angry. And then we're gonna do 21 um day emotional detox. She was like, anger and resentment from past created shadows that we carry in present without because she wasn't able to refer me to the class, she said, because it was full. Yeah. We talked about sleep hygiene, talked about the phone again, da la. But basically, she wants to do this thing called shadow work. And shadow work is rooted in your behaviors that you have now are all rooted, obviously, in traumas from your past.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

And all your body does is live in a state sometimes when you're still struggling with things that happened to you in the past is a state of resentment. And resentment shows up as fear, as anger, as frustration, as an addiction. Whatever, however, it shows up, it still rests in a foundation of resentment because whatever that first or initial or recurring thing that made you react the way that you reacted and things that have not served you, is all because of that first slight that you got, or those first slights that you got. And so I mentioned how she's like, Well, how did he get the crab if you said don't get anything? I said, Well, my sister didn't care, she did it anyway. And she was like, and that's okay. I was like, you know, she's the tautie, you know, they're gonna do what they want to do. She was like, but you don't get that, like that's like a disrespect to your boundaries. I was like, well, it's serious. I pick and choose my battles, like, that's how she is. She's like, but listen, so she gets to take him, be the hero, buy the crab, then buy this to go with the crab, leave it at your house. Now you're fighting with your. She's like, Do you see that, you know, none of she didn't do any of those things, and you just have to deal with it, and now he's in trouble and you're mad. I was like, Yeah, she's like, but why do you keep like making excuses? And I'm like, I said, because I think I just pick my battles and I feel like you know, I'm naturally a very aggressive person, and so, and I'm very confrontational. So just some things, the way I get worked up, when I feel like the person's not coming from a bad place, I've learned to not go off because the way that I'll get angry about it or get like ruminated my mind about it, it's not worth it. So I just don't pay attention. So she was like, Oh, so you're like a doormat.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Oh shit. Oh, damn.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

I said, Me? I said nothing about me is a doormat. I'm like, I'm the most non-dormat. She's like, Well, listen to what you just said. So then she brought up what I said about my mom when I was like, my mom is not gonna because she said for 30 days, don't buy me anything. And I was like, my mom's gonna do it, but I won't. She's like, so let me get this straight. Your mom, if you say a therapist said don't buy him anything for 30 days, she'd still buy it. You told your sister not to get him this crab, she'll do it anyway. Your son will bludgeon, manipulate, and bully you to death to get you to do what she wants. Your dad was able to work you to death and fire you, and you're she's like, so help me understand. I'm naming the most pivotal people in your life, and this is your experience with all of them. And she's like, and what did you do with them? I'm like, well, I can be a little, she's like, oh well, what is the thing that you did to them? I'm like, well, I can kind of snap. And she's like, well, what you're missing it. She was like, you don't realize that you are a doormat because you let them gaslight you into because you have taken a lot of small, slight things or what you've allowed to deem small, slight things, on a chin. But if it they're really are bothering you, it is creating real. So when you finally do lose your shit over whatever the one thing is in that moment, they've gotten a clean slate over all the little shit that they've done that you've chosen you've chosen to either justify or erase or ignore, but now you're the villain because you went off about this thing. But you've been doormatted this entire month for a hundred things and made excuses for them, but nobody makes excuses for you when you get mad. Nobody makes excuses for you or gives you grace when you get annoyed with something, but you've done it 10 times in this conversation for everybody else. I was like, huh. She's like, you teach people how to treat you. And if you teach people that A, they're allowed to do whatever because you're just being dramatic. If you teach people that they're allowed to be harsh with you because you say harsh things sometimes, if you teach people that what they do is not as bad, which is what you do in response or what you do on your own, that's you basically letting people make you a doormat. Never mind.

SPEAKER_03 11:19

That's crazy because I see that pattern. I understand that pattern in your relationships, but that is not how I would have described it. I would not have characterized it as being our doormat, but damn, because it I because I can even remember Lambs in in college and in that whole whatever her name was, like when you were having that fallen out with um she was like, she was just like your best friend in high school, going into college. And even that whole situation and how the conversations were you were being the dramatic one, like you were you were the one who was not being a good friend or whatever, and it really was she was in all types of boundaries, was not being respectful of your friendship, and the comments, the the advice that you were given at the time was that you just needed to chill out, like it wasn't that serious. You and I think that's the first time I noticed that, but that's crazy. And you think because sometimes people with the strongest personalities would never let anybody else manipulate him, it would be a for real fight. Wow. Yeah. And she ran, okay, shit on him making people uncomfortable in their healing process. It's okay, people.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

I was like, I thought I knew everything there was to know about me already. Wow. Who do? But like you said, when I look back on it, I'm like, yeah, I I totally get. And I and I didn't realize it until the conversation how many times I have to quantify or qualify something. I don't just say it direct. You know, I always say I'm a very direct person. I'm always like, but you know, who the fuck am I to say that? And she's like, Yeah, you do. Oh my oh, Ashley. Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, now I feel very lost. I'm like, I don't know how to correct the behavior. I just found out that I have the like here's here's another example. Remember the TO thing. I'm like, I was the bad guy. She walked away with all my shit, gave away took my shit, and I was just like, okay, whatever. And she said, I was still the bad person in the scenario. Still the bad person in the scenario. Yeah. Or it was my dad. I'm like, he was able to get all that level of work out of me, sleep in my car, work crazy, own 20% on paper. Still, I told you when I called the accountants, there was more money that I was owed on top of the money that I didn't get at all. And I just was like, you know what? I'm not even gonna stress over it. It's just money. I don't care.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

She's like, okay, but that's still being a doormat. You can call it whatever you want.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

That's it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

She's right. So that yeah, it's like, okay, now, okay, I recognize it and I start to make the changes for myself. But it's like, okay, what does that process look like inside the relationships? Okay, now are the next steps where I have to have a conversation with her, like, hey, that hermit crab was not okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Like, then if you're not gonna respect what I'm telling you, then he can't go with you. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

And the thing about if that's okay. And you know what's so crazy? Because, and I think this is a conversation that parents, man and women, parents, period. As a parent, you have to have with your parents and other family members around there because they do if they do justify it as, well, oh, I only get to see him at this time. Oh, but that's you know, that's my baby, and oh, that's something I wanted to do for them. And like we shouldn't want, she constantly, whenever she sends them stuff, she sends these big bags of candy. You know, I'm not feeding my kids that kind of stuff. And and I thought it was like.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

But first of all, the ship candy.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

I mean, the ship candy is stupid. I'm sorry. That's not a meaningful gift. That's lazy and it's cheap. And she has it in the phone.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Like, you have their clothes, she'll have clothes and gifts, and then all of a sudden at the bottom there's trolleos and gummy bears.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Like, yeah, if you want to put like one bag of gummy bears for each kid or like one of their favorite candy, with that's so cute. But like bags and bags is chaotic. I don't care if you're the biggest junk food hoarder in the world. No one's giving a kid bags and bags of candy unless it's Halloween. That's why Halloween's so special. It's the only time I'm gonna hear it happens. Come on. Please. But wow. Okay, for the beginning of your shadow work. Girl. And I guess it's this thing too. I'm gonna send you the videos. It's called um RRT therapy. Have you heard of it? No. So it's rapid resolution therapy. So it was developed by John Colony, and it combines elements of hypnosis, NLP, and other techniques aimed at quickly resolving trauma, anxiety, grief, or phobias in just a few sessions. And that's supposed to, she sent me a video on it. So I was gonna send it to you if you wanted to see it. Okay. Um, but yeah, I think that's like kind of what she's so her thing is like she doesn't believe that you just come to therapy forever or for a year, for five years, and ten years, and just talk about your feelings without actually making pointed changes and having some emotion based. And also, it should be the therapist not just being like, So, how does that make you feel? Like, so then what do you think you should do? Like, girl, why do you think I came here to you?

SPEAKER_00 16:50

So awful.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

So here's what it says R R R T rapid resolution therapy does. So again, they they mix hypnosis, neurolinguistic programming, that's what NLP stands for, guided imagery and storytelling metaphors.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:07

The core idea is that distressing emotions are tied to how the mind has encoded a memory or belief, not necessarily the facts of the event itself, which I think is a hundred percent so valid. So by changing the encoding, often while the person is in a relaxed, suggestible state, the emotional charge can be diffused. And it just goes into details about uh what people say about the method, but that's the point of the RRT. But anybody interesting?

SPEAKER_03 17:37

That's I'm not you know, I've thought about hypnosis, and I'm just like, mmm.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

I don't think I'd be a hypnosis person. I do believe that there is when you talk about emotional regulation, I do think that when you go to just like when you go to the spa, they got the music like low or nice, they've got, you know, no harsh lighting, they got candles. You have to be in a certain mind state to be relaxed.

SPEAKER_04 18:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

I just think therapy is the same way. You you can't be in your house with everybody yelling. You can't be in traffic or like, you know what I mean? You do you can't be in a cold, uncomfortable atmosphere. Like being in a state that calms your body and leaves you open to receiving, especially if you're bringing up sad stuff from the past, it has to feel like a very safe environment for you to be able to relax enough to go there. Now, as far as like hypnotizing me, I'm not about that business. I don't give a fuck if it's real or not.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

You're not gonna hypnotize me right here. I don't know. I just feel like I don't know about that's happening to parts of my brain, and I can't control that you're what you're doing. No. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

I think you have to really trust the person that they're doing. And then two, I don't think it's right for everybody. I think if it's somebody who's really going through like some serious, heavy, heavy, dark stuff, I just feel like if you're like someone who, for example, who's susceptible to addiction, it's so easy if you feel your guard down to allow someone to persuade you or convince you something that's not maybe true.

SPEAKER_03 19:15

That's how my grandfather quit smoking hypnosis.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

Yeah. Right. Whereas if you're somebody who still has a decent discernment and still has some resolute, like you're still able to be like, okay, I'm not gonna if I don't like what I'm hearing or if I feel like this is not appropriate, yeah. I don't think everybody can do that.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

That's yeah, very true. Because if you are someone who is just like, okay, well, the professional is saying this is how it needs to go, I feel a little uncomfortable, but they're the professional. I shouldn't question them, just like being in a regular doctor's office, then Yeah, you should still have some level of like ability to have some self-autonomy to be like, okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

Right, no. So, okay, we were talking last time about you know how like pop culture gets me all crazy and worked up and excited. What's a topic that gets you like where you can't shut up? You feel like a topic that gets me where I can't shut up, where you get Ashley level pop culture about it.

SPEAKER_03 20:13

Um I would say uh, and not because I'm an expert, um I would say certain parenting issues. I let's use oh since I was mentioning him the other day, the Carmelo Anthony whole thing. And while he is a young teenager, he made the choice to respond the way he did. It seems like there are moments where his parents sort of like even, okay, so he said he was getting threats. He's getting all these threats before he goes to the event. He's been getting threats before that event happened. His parents know, but they dropped their young son off by himself at a track meet. Yeah. Knowing that he's been threatened.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

They have not said yes or no, whether they know they were he was carrying a weapon on him. So I don't even think they'll speak to that. But moments like that and even who they hired to represent him, their advocate that they hired. Side note, did you see the Olson Twins ads or Louis Vuitton? No. Oh my god, Google it. Google it, Google it, please. I need to know how you feel. No.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Um I always find it so shocking when people do, and I'm sure somebody's gonna be like, duh, but um, when people do um fashion campaigns and they have like fashion brands that are kind of similar.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Oh yeah, they already have let's see.

SPEAKER_04 21:56

This is AI, I can't Oh my gosh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 22:12

This is AI. I cannot.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

It's so it's so weirdo. No one nobody is going to convince me that these are real. I need to see other pictures. I see now a bunch of crazy pictures.

SPEAKER_02 22:29

Like the way that they're so hidden, there's no way they'd come back and do this. I mean this is I'm it I don't I mean Miley's picture looks insane.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

I don't like the no eyebrow eyebrow thing. The no eyebrows thing is really, really taking off.

SPEAKER_02 22:50

This is absolutely terrifying. I I I get it, they're gonna keep showing it, but in my spirit, I've decided it's not real. Until until it's on you know what's sad, even if it's on major news networks, I can't trust it.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

Okay, so Carmelo Anthony, his advocate, this man is calls himself Minister Dominique Alexander. Um he uh in 2019 was uh arrested in connection with two family violence assault charges. Oh, God. Um he was charged with one felony and one misdemeanor after he was accused of shoving and attempting to strangle his former partner. Um and then a later one, I think it happened the following year in 2000, I think it was it, 20. He was said to he was um said to have tried to strangle um a former girlfriend and shaken her baby so hard that it sent the baby to the hospital. All the people in the world, we were supposed to be crow up. Of all the people in the world, of all the that's who they chose. And that's the kind of stuff I was like, there's little things. Like I am not a perfect parent. I am not I am not trying to like just be straight out, like judgmental, like you guys are horrible, you are gonna have, but it's just like the sequence of things, and these see people don't realize that it's like a sequence of you abandoning your child, you abandoning your responsibility as a parent in a way that sets your child up for for failure. They even, I was watching this one our um one video where they were talking about how the father of Austin Metcalfe wanted to meet with the family and to talk to um Carmelo, and the advocate said no, and he made it a and that's where he like the whole race thing came from, like, oh, it's white boy against black boy, and it's it became like this whole But I did see videos of the dad, white dad being very fucking racist online. Yeah, he started he's a dumpster fire. At first, that wasn't the energy that he was giving off because I even um listened to a recording of a phone call where a white supremacist was trying to use Austin's picture on their website to like push an agenda and all this other stuff, and he was like, You need to take my kid's picture off your fucking website. That's not what I stand for. I'm not here to push your agenda. You're not gonna use my son's death to do all this other stuff. But the dad is a racist. The dad is a racist. Um, can I say something? There's something behind their eyes in the smirk that they hold on their face whenever they're taking pictures that is a little off-putting. Just and you don't want to push too hard or say too much because he did lose his life. I don't know. But like there's something, there's something weird.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Here's here, and you know probably way more about this case than I do because, like, again, I didn't hear about it until he was sentenced. And I'm just so tired of black trauma porn, especially as a mom of a black boy that just was like, I can't, I'm not, I just don't have the emotional capacity. But when I saw the video of the dad, I was like, this is somebody, and he may not be like racism to me is a spectrum, and he may not be a daily card-carrying member of the clan, but the shit that he was talking on that video is the way that he speaks in his home. Uh-huh. And that's the way he speaks in his house around his sons. And his sons probably grew up with him talking about people in that way. And I they always do that little asterisk on their racism where they're like, I don't care. It could be anybody, black or white, anybody. But it's like, but you're not talking about anybody, you're talking about a relation to a black kid, and you're talking about baby mamas and this and that that has nothing to do with anything. And when those kids hear him talk like that, they act like it's not racism or racist because the dad adds those little points in it, like, oh my dad talks shit about everybody. But ultimately, whether your dad talks shit about Mexicans, gays, blacks, or everybody, you were raised around someone who says horrible things about marginalized people, period. Yeah. And you grew up hearing horrible things about marginalized people, and you became desensitized. So while when those boys were taunting that black boy, whatever way he was doing it, there's there's a difference. There's a taunting in a way that kids who are just mean or kids all go through a phase where they're the bulliers and the bullied that are just kids being dicks and mean to each other. But then there's kids who are mean because they feel that they are superior and someone is inferior. And that has a different stink on it that becomes not just a memory of bad childhood things that you went through, you know, to get bullied or whatever. It becomes an experience of racism that makes you feel deeply scared and deeply unsafe, and that you realize if it comes down to it, this person is gonna decide if it's me or them, and it'll never be never already getting taught and he was already getting taunted.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

He was already getting 100%. And you know, I just imagine him. I imagine the scenario under the tent because I watched like um a news clip where they went over the the time frame, and I was like, okay, it starts to rain, he goes under the tent. He goes under and said, that's not his team's tent. Which I don't understand why we do that. Where the I'm like, where is his team where's the ghost? Where are the I'm I'm like no pic no supervision whatsoever at all. All right. So he goes under this tent and they're like, oh no, you can't be under here kind of thing. It's just like, I don't want to be in the rain. I'm gonna wait till the rain stops. I'm not, it's not time for me to kind of think and just.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

But you know dang well the way boys are, even if they were not, even if it was a group of black adults. If you're not on my team, I don't like you, you don't like us. There's no adults to be like, guys, this is a child, it's raining, he's gonna stand here, everybody shut up.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

And then add that framework of who his father is.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Right. But then when you add all that other stuff on top of it, of course they're gonna be like, get the fuck from under here. You're not gonna, even if there was no racism involved. But then you add on all the other layers, it was like a recipe for disaster.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

It was absolute recipe for disaster. Where the fuck are the parents? Where are the those?

SPEAKER_02 29:17

And that's the one thing that I know people are not gonna like, but as a sports parent, granted my son's only 12. That's the one thing that I just can't comprehend. And I've gone to plenty of games where with the older boys, and how old is he? He's like 18.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

He was 17 at the time.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

I totally know that there's tons of boys by this time. They're already driving. They do drive themselves to games, they do track meets are all day. Parents have to work. I'm very privileged that I can go all my stuff and stuff. I totally get it. However, however, I just can't imagine a scenario where A, I'm not there. If I can't be there, some from our family is there. Yeah. And even though I can't imagine it, that there at least that somebody that I know and trust, another parent on the team, is there, please look out for my son. Yeah. I just, I'm not a fan of that type of behavior at all. Even if they didn't know, let's say they didn't know that he was being bullied and threatened or whatever. I and your kids do have to learn how to be able to go out in the world without your constant supervision. But it's just for me, I just yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:25

So his mother's his mother stated that she was not at the game because it started to rain. So she went back home.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Again, there have been plenty of times where, you know, my son, because like my son before Mark Andrew, he wouldn't be allowed to go to practice by himself. After a while, we're out here all night. I would let him go on his own. There was actually an incident where him and a coach got into it. I was super, it was a whole thing. And it never like turned into anything. But for a long time, I didn't want him to be at the park by himself. So I'm not gonna act like it's impossible. I get that you're practicing three days a week, you're out there for three, four hours. It's just not realistic. I can sit here every night and still function, do what I gotta do. I so it God knows even after that incident, what could have happened and what could have transpired. So I'm not gonna cast judgment, like I said, but I don't know. I just feel like with the I don't know, with these scenarios, some people have said it. Go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Some people have said, like, you know, stop letting your kids be in these all-white schools and these all-white teams and these all-white communities with all these white kids. And I and as strange as it may sound, I kind of agree. Because I'm in a position where I can't imagine, you know, I can do that. I can't take Mark Andrew out of his school and put him in an all-black school. There are none near me. And the ones that are are not schools I would want my t my son to attend. There's no the black teams are not anywhere near me. And then it's a it's a long drive, which is a poor excuse, but they don't have all the opportunities and the resources that the park by my house has, but I agree. Same thing with hanging out with, you know, a bunch of white kids. I'm not a fan of it. I agree. He's the only black kid in his class. I let him actually drive with the neighbor's uh family the other day to extra play at the park and let him stay at the park, which again, not typical for me. So I get that, you know, you do want your kids to be able to live in the world and be okay and be fine, and this shouldn't happen. Yeah. He's not a baby, he's 17, you were at the game, it rained. He had to say he wanted to stay, you're not sitting out there. I get it. Hindsight's always 20-20, and we're playing Monday, you know, morning quarterbacks because we've all done it. But yeah, I just it really did make me think after this, like I need to really be a little bit more mindful of even who my son gets to like talk to and play with. Because all the rules change when a white kid is afraid of your kid.

SPEAKER_00 32:56

Yeah. It's just the truth. It's just the truth. It's just the truth.

SPEAKER_03 33:01

And I think um, I don't know. I just I feel like when we were younger, because crazy stuff was still happening when we were kids and things like that, but I just feel like we're just so much more accessible, even just as adults. Like it just feels like people can get us at any time. And you don't want to live like that and live and live out of fear, of course not. But I don't know. It's it's it's hard for me to take the fact that they knew that he was not in a good place mentally and emotionally because of what he was experiencing, the threats that they were getting, and that I I feel like I feel like that baby was abandoned. What were the threats? Tell me more about the threats. Well, they have not released because I was like, I need transcripts. I want to know what people were saying on the stand and things like that. So they will not go into detail of who they were from, how long he had been getting them. Everything is like just a summation of it. Like he was receiving over a period of time, he had been receiving calls, texts, and messages and threats about things happening to him at events. At events, and it said it's put it specifies at events. So why it doesn't have all this other information, it does specify that the threats were like basically I'll see you at an event or you be careful about like things like that were being said and it said events. So it's like wherever your child, whatever event you're taking your child to, why wouldn't you want to make sure or even you know that that it triggers another thought because I remember hearing an old story about where a child attacked another child violently and it was happening over a period of time at school. And I'm just thinking, like, why wasn't it an option for the parents to remove that child from the school? What is it? Why are we making our children be like, oh no, you stand up to them, you don't take anything. If if something happens out which something has already happened, oh, go find a teacher, go find an adult, kind of thing. Like, no, we can't knit this in the butt. Yeah, it's like if we can't knit this in the bud, if we can't be like, okay, hey, this is a problem, we're addressing it. Okay, we we've made changes in the classroom in the school period, so now it's not a problem. If that can't be the solution, then why should I keep bringing my child back to the same rights?

SPEAKER_02 35:24

But then, so then what's the alternative? Because especially in South Florida, they're closing schools left and right. So you just can't pick up your kid and take them somewhere else. It's you shouldn't have to pick up your kid if they're the ones being abused. What kind of negative impacts does it have on you to have to, you know, now move to a whole another school to another city because some little terror, you know, is being coddled and allowed. What does that teach your kid and that kid that this one is the one that's causing the problem? But you know what I mean? Your kid is the one that has to make adjustments and changes. And then I think sometimes too, let's be for real, adults are bad at handling their own life things. They are not more than not, there's always such, it feels like a gray area when there's conflicts in a classroom of who's actually in the wrong, who's actually in the right, who's being disciplined fairly, who's doing the discipline, how is it being, you know, doled out? It becomes very tricky. And it's like if you put policies in place to say, like, hey, we have a zero tolerance for bullying, if your kid is bullied, they're out. Then what happens is you have a disproportionate amount of brown and black kids now being thrown out of school because now you have white people or you know, who themselves are problematic, yeah, being in charge of dishing out that rule, and now it's being used against the people it was supposed to protect. You know what I mean? Yeah. And because to me, I feel like if that's the case where he's getting these texts about things happen to him at events, he should have had that information sent to the school or whoever puts on those events, they find out who it is, and you're banned for sports. You don't get to play. Because it's not funny and it's not a joke. And if you're sending comments saying that when you get to this event, I'm gonna hurt you, your ass isn't gonna participate. So you know that even if it's a joke or whatever, you don't get to even talk like that. I think sometimes, again, you want a zero tolerance policy, but you realize the zero tolerance policy ends up ultimately getting weaponized towards brown and black kids, and white kids still manage to not be held accountable for it. But to me, and that's what annoys me about youth sports, because they have all these rules for kids and stupid, silly shit like not celebrating and what kind of flip-flops they wear, but they act like they have no control when there's behavioral stuff going on on these teams. And it really pisses me off. And I feel like there needs to be more conversation around these teams and these sports because again, they got all these fucking rule boards. There's boards and regulations and 20-page handbooks. But when something bad happens and a kid gets bullied or killed, all of a sudden everybody's so fucking clueless. You're an expert or everything else when it comes to your sports, but you don't realize the influence you got you have over these kids' mental, emotional development, their maturity levels, their behavior, like they have probably an even more stronger hold on these kids growing up than the school does because the school they have to be, they don't like it, and it's it's miserable. Sports, they usually elect to and they love it, and there's a lot less behavioral regulation. There's a code of conduct that in school, perfect or not perfect, there's suspension, there's detention, there's whatever. It seems to be that the only time problematic behavior becomes a thing that is addressed in a sports league is when the parents can't take no more and they leave, somebody gets hurt, or becomes something that goes viral on social media. There has to be an in-between. An in-between, yeah. That we need to start regulating some of these teams where the the people who certify all these coaches, what conversation are you having around bullying, child behavioral development, emotional regulation? If you feel like that's too much that's for you to deal with as a coach or as a team manager, then you should not fucking be in your sports.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Yeah, you can't be. You cannot, you can't be around a bunch of underdeveloped or in the middle of develop whatever. You cannot be in the middle of having smaller children, teenagers, and then not being able to have the skill of helping them to regulate emotionally, to call them, to be able to discipline them in an appropriate manner.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

You're in their face yelling when they miss a catch or a pass. You you expect them to be respectful, you judge their parents that you know they don't come on time and this and that. But when you get to them, you think you're just gonna teach them to play a game and go home. There's team, though, there's so many layers on a let's be real. 99.9% of child athletes do not become professional athletes. So if you're there to be a coaching that you're gonna get the next LeBron, you're fucking delusional. You are a glorified educator, peered in the school. And the same way that I don't respect teachers who don't understand that they're part of the community and the fold for the behavior piece in a classroom. If you're trying to foster the whole child. Yeah, you're the whole child. Your job, A, is not just to teach math, whether you like it or not. And B, your job is to not, like you said, when you say fostering the whole child, only want to foster whole children that are perfect.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

This ain't the only only the well-behaved ones I work with. Those are the ones that I can tolerate. Like the lawyer who only wants to tolerate tolerate one to two people in your class because you're every other year, no less.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Every other year. And I'm not saying teaching isn't hard because I did it. Teaching is hard. Plenty of parents do not respect what you're saying. They do not respect the work that you've put in, the time that you put in. Nobody takes this job to be mean to kids because you don't get paid enough. But I think as time has gone on, for me working in the school, the short time that I did, a lot of these teachers, they have in their mind how they think it's going to go. And when it doesn't go that way, they don't know how to pivot. They don't know how to teach to human being children. And I think the COVID slide and the parents are not accountable. Well, then don't teach, babe, because that's just where we are. That's just where we are. And if you are not willing to say, okay, this is where kids are at in 2026. This is how I need to move to make this classroom as successful for as many kids as possible this year, to make this team as successful for all the kids on my team, just beyond winning and losing a game. I just don't understand why you got into the profession. Why did you volunteer for Ruth Sports? Yeah, that's I don't. If every single person who put together that event should feel accountable for whatever.

SPEAKER_03 41:46

That's always gonna be a head scratcher, having someone teach who doesn't enjoy children, who doesn't enjoy helping children want a certain type of child.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

And unfortunately, that's not there anymore. Because even me, when I go to games now, when I go to stuff now, in my mind, I always say all these kids are just kids. Even the ones who are being full on assholes. I accept that they're being an asshole, but I still accept this as the child. So no matter what, even if you're not my kid, I'm gonna make sure your kid is safe and good and okay. And I can't imagine that these kids were that isolated from adults that they didn't hear an escalation and not be like, what is going on?

SPEAKER_03 42:26

Yeah, why are they arguing? Like who is over here arguing?

SPEAKER_02 42:30

I just can't imagine unless it because if it was a monsoon where there's lightning, we gotta evacuate the field anyway. Yeah, we shouldn't be out here in the first place. I just don't understand. I just haven't, but you know, again, I think that also speaks to where we are as a country about the village and the lack thereof. Because I can't believe all the, God forgive me, bitches that love to post how they make a living room on the on the track court where they got $5,000 worth of AC and equipment to sit out on the field all day, and they love the the the look of being the team mom and the team dad and the sports parent, and they're buying custom flip-flops with each fucking kid's name on it. How are you so present on the field, but you don't see out of the corner of your eye, are you really that unobservant or that unbothered? Because the way I walk out on the field again, I clock and catch everything. I really do. People get too loud. I'm like, what's going over there? Y'all cheering y'all arguing. Okay, okay. What's over? This kid is run out. They by themselves. Okay, this child don't walk past me sometimes with no adult. Like, that's just my natural way. But that's why they tell you whenever your kid is um lost or they can't find you, to go look for a black woman. That's what they tell kids that.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

Because we're hyper-vigilant.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

We're hyper vigilant, and we have a natural I'm not saying every black woman is like that, I'm sure. But na even even the hoodest crackheadedest will be like, hold on, listen, kids, where the babies, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 43:51

Like, these are kids without parents. Where are the parents?

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Where where's your mother? Where's your mother? Were you okay? It's just I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

Is there a way? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I that's one that's another thing I didn't understand. Like beyond that, how did this continue to go? And I understand that it it was a shorter period of time, but within 30 seconds of voices being raised, and physical and physical contact being made, there should be an intervention and there was no intervening. There were no adults intervene until it seemed like after the fact. It's too late. Now the adults show up when, oh, this boy has been stabbed now and he's laying on the ground. You know, he's laying on the bleachers and now he aid. That's when an adult shows up. And if that's not when an adult showed up and there was adults sitting around letting these kids argue, yeah, that's that's another, that's another I'm yeah, it's too much.

SPEAKER_02 44:45

But again, you'll see them go off on these kids for stupid shit all the time. Yeah. You'll see them getting kids' faces for stupid shit all the time. And again, it's very easy to speculate because none of us were there. And again, like I said, I didn't really know much about it, and you're schooling me on you know the details that I did not know. I just know based on my experience, again, at these games and youth sports, it's so many nights where there are a bunch of 17, 18-year-olds running around. I'm like, and they all hop in a car together and pull off. I'm like, where are who is in charge of and again? I get it. They're not babies. At 18, they're legally adults, they've got a car now, they can come and go. But I think also you need to know your child, and you need to know when your kid just physically can't handle that type of freedom, that type of non-monitoring. That is on you. That is on you. I had a friend who I remember when she got her car, her mom's number one rule was you can't have more than like some passengers in the car. And anybody that you drive that drives with you, it has to be somebody who I'm okay with driving in the car with you.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

And we would always do high school because I was in the chorus. Obviously, I didn't have a car because my parents knew I was not responsible enough. I was, but you know, whatever. I might go to the beach. I don't know. But um, but I was one of the friends that, you know, her mom was okay with me going into the car with her. And so we would all get to drive to an off-campus, you know, rehearsal, or we maybe could go to like one of our performances or whatever off campus, and her mom eventually let her um drive. And then sometimes we were able to in between go on lunch break, we got to eat. That girl never, ever let anybody in her car that her mom did not agree with. That we it would be all the seniors are leaving, everybody's piling in, lapping up. They already don't even ask her. Because I was the only one getting in the car, and nobody it would be 10 people to a car because Jillian had a car and nobody else could go. Because her mom did not play that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 46:47

Yeah, my rules were the same way when I was started driving on my own. I remember this one time in particular, and I was so glad after everything had happened that I didn't let her, my friend, drive with me. Because I'm I don't know when it started. It probably started when I was young because I used to boss my dad around. He'd get in the car and he wouldn't put on his seatbelt. And I'd be like, pull on your seatbelt, put on your seatbelt. I'm very much put on your seatbelt individual. I'd be saying people get in the car and they don't put on the seatbelts. I want to know why. Why do you feel so comfortable not putting on your seat? But I will always remember the day, and this is the same girl that I didn't let drive with me, and I'll get to the story. But I told, I was like, girl, put on your seatbelt. We're driving. She was like, Oh, niggas don't wear seatbelts. I said, dead niggas don't either. Put on your seatbelt or get out. So for whatever reason, which I could have waited to the next day, it probably would have avoided getting in a car accident, but I needed to return the shirt to the mall. And I decided I wanted to go at night, and it was already dark. And um, my friend was at the house with me, and she was like, I want to go with you, I want to go with you. And so she got in the car and she would not put on her seatbelt. We're doing this whole thing again. Oh, she used to be so obnoxious. I hope you're okay if you're out there. Um not if she's still wearing a seatbelt. Um but um she would not put on a seatbelt. So I just I and I wouldn't leave. So I just uh we got into an argument. I told her to get out. Like, get out, we're we're good for the night. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm not even doing this with you. Get out. I was only going, I was only around the corner from my house. I was at the first light from when I left leave my apartment and I got T-bone. Not even no, because that's not a T-bone. It was from the front. It looked like the Hulk had smashed up the front of my car because I was making a left-hand turn and a guy was speeding down the road and he hit me from the front so bad that I had to jump out of the passenger seat. I had to jump back in because I was so scared I forgot to put the car in park and it kept rolling. So I had to jump back in, put the car in park. The airbag, I was 18, it was my senior year, and um the airbag hit me, so I thought something on my face was broken. It hit me so hard. Um, and the passenger, if she if I could have let her just put the car, she would have been done. That airbag busted the window on the passenger side. Busted. It looked like something fell from the outside onto the windshield, the way it shattered. You have to be responsible in those ways for you to have certain liberties as a young teenager, even on the brink of being 18, 19 years old, because if you do not understand the consequences of not doing those things, yeah, something bad is bound to happen.

SPEAKER_02 49:24

Something bad is about, and I just think I've come to terms with I'm not even gonna say I don't trust people's parent parenting decisions. I've realized that people all parent very differently. And I truly realize, and this is just the world that we're in right now, and we talked about this a little bit in the summer house thing, having very close relationships with white people right now is just not it's just hard. It's tricky, it's very tricky because we're not in the Obama era of America anymore. Not saying that was some ideal perfect time, but it just was such a different time. And the things that people are allowed to say, yeah, it just is a level of desensitization towards things that lead to very dark paths and the actions that they think they're entitled to. And you don't have to debate or quantify that with other people, the way that you have to do some of some white people, some Latinos. It just becomes with all the things going on in the world, I don't want to fight to convince you that this is racially inappropriate and makes me feel unsafe.

SPEAKER_03 50:33

Especially when it's if I say it's unit makes me feel unsafe. If I say this is inappropriate, if I say that it's makes me uncomfortable, like you as someone who wants to be in this um, yeah, in this inner circle, you it has to be like I get it.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

And I always said this about the N-word. When people be like, well, why do black people get to say it? I'm like, okay, let's just let's just take that argument off of it. Let's just say fine. If black people get to say it, everybody gets to say it. Okay, let's just say that, right? Now, you're a white person, I'm black. And I say, yeah, I get everybody gets to say it, but that word being said by you doesn't make me feel comfortable, right? It bothers me. I don't love it. I really wish you wouldn't say it. If you turn, so let's say me and you are talking, right? Now, take take that you're white, take that you're black out, take the in-word out. Let's say you hate the word chubby. Let's just say you hate the word chubby. Doesn't bother me. I've used it forever, it's funny to me. And then I see your daughter, I'm like, look at this little chubby baby. Is it about the fact that the word is appropriate or not? Or that as a friend, you ask me, hey, I know it's a me thing, I know it's a hang up, I just don't like it. And I not only just said fuck you and did it anyway, but then I'm referring it to your child. Who the fuck would want to be friends with?

SPEAKER_00 51:50

Be friends with, yeah.

unknown 51:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:52

So my thing is if you have a relationship in your life or a friend in your life who you're saying, hey, I get that you probably don't really get it. I get that it's not something that you relate to. It's just, hey, it bothers me. And their response is go cry about it, or you're being so because you're not somebody you want to be friends with. And then, and then I think the problem is so many times with white people right now, they demand that you prove to them why it offends why it's offended.

SPEAKER_03 52:16

Like, why is this so offensive? And it's just like, I there is as a human, I I feel like humans do that across the board, and then white people are just running with it right now. Like, you have to tell me if I cannot do something in your presence to you, if I can yet in your presence or to you, then you really have to prove to me in your body it's a good problem. Why it's a problem for you because if I don't know sources, no grammatical errors, if I'm not convinced, I want you to know that I'm gonna continue this behavior and you're just gonna have to deal with it.

SPEAKER_02 52:44

That's not somebody you want in your the biggest mistake we made as black people, hindsight being 2020, is during COVID and George Floyd, we played with that shit too much. We are so earnest in trying to educate. We spent so many of because we were all on the house board anyway, and we had so many smart people making content, you know, saying it in a way that's like, yeah, perfect. And I think that we thought again in earnest that you know what, if it makes sense to me, it's such a clean, perfect argument, it's all there. If I go and I do the emotional and educational work and labor for these people and lay it out so nicely, they'll they'll get it, they'll finally understand. But the problem with racism, it doesn't make any sense. There is no sensible argument to it, so there's no sensible argument to remove it. So, you know what I mean? It's yeah, it's like you're trying to convince a demon to be good.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

Yeah. And that's what I love when we were talking about black woman femicide, and we use that clip from the therapist who was like, it is not my responsibility. Like, I need to deal with what's going on mentally, physically, the the threats that I'm feeling, the unsafe that I'm feeling, the fact that I'm I feel like I am a target, you know, just waking up and just by getting up this morning, I could be a target of someone's hatred, someone, you know, someone's being uncomfortable. Like, it is not, we make it our responsibility to educate these people. And I feel like there's enough out here. You've seen enough, you've heard enough. It's a choice. You don't want to be educated. There's enough books that we don't want to be educated. Us as individuals, we don't need to and don't have to take on that responsibility of making you a better person, making you a better neighbor, a better politician. Like that is not a republic.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

It becomes because now becomes not that you're a bad person or racist. It becomes, well, you didn't do a good enough job of defending your point. Yeah. Or you didn't clearly, you know, articulate your point. And then you just and then you get frustrated. So now you're just angry. And it's just like we should have never signed up. And and I say that because I did it. I would be like, well, maybe if they understood the history, but again, yeah, these people, especially now, they don't want to understand the history. They want to argue.

SPEAKER_03 55:11

They want to for them, ignorance is bliss. They don't need if they don't know they can, I can still live in this world and this mindset without guilt. Thrive. And they're fine.

SPEAKER_02 55:21

They're they're totally fine. So I think having a friend of even one that kind of means well sometimes, it feels like the moment a microaggression comes up, I don't even get to feel it. Because then I gotta be like, well, let me explain to you why I'm upset. Well, let me, you know what I mean? Like you you get robbed at the moment of even getting to be like, damn, that was fucked up. I don't like that shit. Because then it's like, oh, why? Oh, well, because in 1933, when the Black Hair Project was, it's like, who the fuck wants to do that?

SPEAKER_03 55:49

That's not an enjoyable relationship.

SPEAKER_02 55:51

Truly. And it and I'm not saying that, you know, every day is loaded with racial conversation, but like, okay, I went out um for juice with a mom friend the other day. She's obviously white, really sweet girl, really nice girl. I mean, we 90% of our lives align. We're moms, we're young, you know. I mean, we relocated back to South Florida. There's so many things that are the same, right? But I remember I we were talking about, you know, choosing school for schools for our kid. And she was saying, you know, here's why I want to pick this, and da-da-da, and I don't want. And I said, well, one thing for me that was really important was diversity. And, you know, it's a normal comment, but in my mind, I'm like, in the wrong setting, this is me now making it about race to this person.

SPEAKER_00 56:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

In the wrong setting, it is becomes uncomfortable or awkward sometimes because that's something that I have to think about that she doesn't have to think about.

SPEAKER_05 56:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:43

And to me, it didn't even, it was such a passive thing. It's a natural thing to say. But maybe the issue is mine because immediately I was like, oh, that's probably awkward for her. You know what I mean? Whereas if I was talking to a mom who's also black, it's like, girl, hell yeah, because then we now lost into a conversation about diversity that just feels comfortable and familiar and helpful and healthy. Where for me, I'm like, okay, pivot, pivot, pivot, turn up, because I don't want to not make her uncomfortable now. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 57:07

And it could be a me hang up and that may be a me issue, but then I'm gonna grab those friendships that I don't feel like yeah, where you don't have to make that extra effort to not say something that may make the other person uncomfortable to where they might say something that is like a microaggression. Well, yeah, to where now you guys have to have this conversation and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:26

Or because even if it's not about making her uncomfortable, God forbid her response back is something that, like you said, now makes me uncomfortable. And I get that in white people's mind, they're like, oh, that's living in a victim mindset. That that's just a luxury and a privilege that you just can't comprehend.

SPEAKER_00 57:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:41

That is in a way of survival that if you have had the history that we've had, that's just fucking common sense. If so, if you know that if I keep eating, if I drive drunk, if I keep smoking, these are the natural outcomes of that behavior. That's all black people are doing when they live by survival. Yeah, that's all we have. Yeah, that's what we're doing. Here is what happens when I do these things. So I'm gonna avoid these things so I can be okay. So I can go through my days and my life. It's not about being a victim mindset. It's almost like wearing a seatbelt, doing what I can to protect myself as I open my normal everyday life task. Just a cautionary, good.

SPEAKER_03 58:21

And you have to, because you have to work through, unfortunately, because my mom, she this term she used called creating ugly stories. And it's like sometimes that's what happens when you bring people from outside of the black community into your life. It's like, okay, I I sort of have to prepare my mind for the possibilities of this going wrong. So that one, I don't flip out and and come undone and now be the angry black woman and be seen as aggressive and all this other stuff. And then two, because I just I just don't want to have to be put in the predicament where I'm now having a racial education conversation with someone who is my age. And honestly, you should know if you're living in America right now and you are above the age of 18, you gotta have some kind of context about what's going on in the history of this world. And if you don't, it's got it's gotta be on you. It can't be on me. It cannot be on me. You gotta, you have to educate yourself, you have to figure out how you're gonna show up in this world and in relationships with people outside of your race.

SPEAKER_02 59:26

Let me ask you a question. Do you ever look back on like have you ever gone through friendships that you've had with non-black friends and looked back and been like that bitch really trapped me? Like comments that you were just like, wow, I can't even let that bitch say that shit.

SPEAKER_03 59:51

Like either I willingly ignored it or like didn't clock it at the time, and I'm just like um I don't it wasn't for me, it wasn't something that was said, it was something that was done. And I was probably 12, because it was right before we moved to Florida. And this um girl I was friends with, we had the greatest times, but I stopped being friends with her because one day we were doing something or playing, and you know that whole basketball thing where they're tapping each other on the ass. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:27

She No, wait, wait, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:30

So listen, no, but they you know, basketball, they be tapping each other on the ass or whatever, but that's the energy, the body language behind it, or whatever. And uh the comment that she made, it wasn't, of course, it it's I'm gonna say it as an adult because I can't remember how she said it, but she basically said it, why can't I do it? What's the point? What's wrong with me doing it? I'm your friend and you have all that ass, anyways, kind of thing. Cool, that's giving something else now. But it made me feel like because I felt like she did not treat anyone else in her circle. I was the only black girl that outside of church she hung out with. So I had the question like, is this am I experiencing this because I'm a black girl? Like, is that right? Because my body is the way that it is as a black girl. Is that why she's treating me like that? But that was the only thing for a friend. I was uh in turn bullied and followed by this little white boy in elementary school. Oh my god. I used to have to um walk home from school by myself, and he was bullying um this um girl named Erica. She was like the smallest person in our class, this little Native American girl. And he was bullying her. And she was telling him to stop, and she started crying. So I told him, I was like, hey, you need to leave her alone. Like the whole pick on somebody your own size thing, right? Yeah. And so he decided to pick on somebody his own size that day. And it wasn't you? It was me.

unknown 1:02:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:00

And so he I got off the bus. I was in front of him. And I noticed one day when I was walking that he didn't make the turn that he was supposed to turn. And he kept following me. So the first time I had to like just like rush home. The next day he he did it, and I had like stopped because I wanted to make sure my little, I don't know what I thought I was doing as a child. Like, ma'am, just get home. What are you testing out? This is not law and order. Like, no, ma'am, you don't you you have no technique, no skills. You need to just get your ass home. But I realized that he was following me. And I asked, and I turned around and I said something to him. I can't remember what I said to him to him. And he was like, Well, you told me, you told him to pick on your own size, and I'm following you. Like, he really harassed the shit on me. And finally, I said something, because at first I was just uncomfortable, but it got to a point where I got scared. So then I finally told my mom, and she had her roommate show up to the bus stop with me and tell the little boy that she was gonna put him in prison if he did, if he didn't leave me alone or whatever. Um, and it ended like that. But that was like that was my first interaction with like we want to say white aggression as a child. That child is a proud boy now. Lord have mercy. I I will take him down. You understand? I will take him down. I don't remember his name. I wouldn't even recognize him. Not me thinking that you said his name was Eric. I'm gonna say little Eric. Okay, you do not say his name. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:29

I did not say that. I didn't I literally dubbed him Eric in my mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:33

But yeah, that's because I don't think any of my other, like, the like even in college, like the closest person that I was close to that was white. Like, honestly, she probably ruined me for other white people because she was the most genuine and down-to-earth and not weird. Like just wind up being weird, kind of like kind of um friend being white. But I haven't like, and it's since then I have not connected because I didn't even trust, because that's when I started after college, I started working in retail, and then I started working with white women on a regular basis, and it it was just a very complicated and low-key races because it wasn't in it wasn't in your face. It was definitely backdooring. Yeah, defin and definitely trying to backdoor the black girls. Yeah. So it was I never dealt with that. What about you? Because I you know what, I've never really heard you discuss having like friendships, close friendships with a white girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:37

I had one good friend when I was like in middle school who was a white girl. Um, she was she was just oddly enough, I wanna say she was like from Spain, which is crazy because people saying are racist as hell. But um her uncle in law was um vanilla ice. And it is because of her I hate that motherfucker with everything in me because I knew before it became like a thing in the world that he was abusive, because she would talk about how he would abuse her aunt. Oh my gosh. Yeah, and this was when I was in middle school, so yeah, he's beating shit. Um, but yeah, I cause I was always in white spaces. I had white friends, but ultimately I was always the whitest girl in my group of black friends. Like I was the white, I had enough white girl for all of us, so it was fine. I don't even need to add any more. Um I don't know. I'm not like a super because like think about it, even when I went to SCAD, I'm not like a super all brothers and sisters. Like I did not enjoy my HBCU experience at all. But when I went to SCAD, I found black friends immediately.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:49

But again, I've never had an issue with being friends with my girls as a kid. So I never saw it as an issue, really. And then when I became an adult, I I would just see like some small things that I'm like, okay, I know when it comes down to it, they don't see me as not this, they don't see me as the same or equal or there's an asterisk in the just little like the microaggressions. I I saw them. Observing I saw them before the word microaggressions was a thing. And I remember because I worked at um, like I said, I worked at a school, and that was the first my parent cut me off. So I needed something to do with myself. Yeah. And I would talk about, you know, my family and what we did and how we would travel. This the year that I taught was the year that I went to Paris. And literally they would act like I would be making it up. Like I'm lying. And I remember at one point, one girl was like, Oh yeah, Ashley, I'm sure you mind you, I live in Parkland. I have this house, the whole nine. And I wouldn't be like, oh, I'm so rich. I'll be like, oh yeah, because our house in Parkland, we're getting.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:56

Just talking about your experience.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:57

And normal stuff. And they'd be like, and one girl was like, Oh yeah, Ashley, you're so rich. That's why you're here. I'm like, but you talk about how wealthy you are, and you're here too. So what's the difference? And I remember one time, I forgot what happened. I don't know if I didn't take my car or I was getting my car serviced. I had just got a brand new escalade. And I think I'm getting it serviced or something. And so I had one of the girls, I want I need somebody to drop me home. And the way the girl who dropped me home, I feel like the way she did it, she signed up because she was like, I have to know this bitch lives. But I felt like she really had to be like, I want to see if this is all bullshit. And I shit you not the way she walked up to my house. Low key, I'm seeing her lean down to look at her. I'm like, Yo, this is where I live. And I remember even the little comments about what I did or whatever, when they started to realize that genuinely, I think when I went to Paris, when I was like, I don't need to be here. I'm in the house, I'm bored, and I can't just sit around like I had to do something. I don't need this job to work like that. Let's be fucking for real. I think when they started clocking it, you could tell they were just trying to be like, well, how did you get this? Well, how'd you do that? And then I remember my son, mind you, I'm working at this public school. I drive a random escalade, I live in this big ass house in Parkland, I'm traveling all over the country. My son's in pre-K three. And for pre-K, they have a um at the school, they had like a free VPK program. So why are you gonna bring him here? And I was like, girl, fuck no. You're not coming here. This middle has school, this pre-K. And so they're like, Where's he gonna go? I said, Well, he's probably gonna go to insert private school here.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:35

And they were all like for pre-K? I was like, Yeah, because he has food allergies and gonna be better. They were trying to debate me. So one of the ladies literally said to me, I shit you not. She goes, I just don't see the point of spending money to send your kids to private school unless they're gifted or something.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:53

What?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:54

And I was like, Well, that's your story, that's not mine.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:57

Yeah, seriously.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:59

It just would be like and again, I think the the struggle with it is like, and I'm sure some white women will hear this and be like, oh, you're just making a victim or you're finding things wrong. I agree. But the reality of being a black woman, especially nowadays with like Sierra and Amanda, you wonder, is this person being a bitch to me because they're a bitch, or they're being a bitch to me because I'm black? That that's just really the place that you live.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:20

You have to ask that question. You have to. Because it and it changes the way you react, it changes how you respond.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:27

And so I remember when he was going to the private school, I started noticing little microaggressions at the private school. And I would always say, I don't like the fact that they would treat him like he's a little mascot. Like other kids would be like, oh, they're gonna do their work, and they'd be like, Oh, we helped him, and he sat on my lap, and I helped him color like he's some handicapped little baby. The same way you make everybody else sit here and do their work, why are you cradling him like a new ring?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:51

Those again, those are things that I look at as microaggressions. And so I was saying that I feel like I know my son, if even at 3-4, if he's doing something and he could do it neater, you can be like, okay, come on, let's try this one more time, it could be better, and he's fine with that. But everybody else turns into something and it looks like this, and his looks like that, and you're okay with giving me this. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:13

The girl, and again, I like her. I consider her an acquaintance. We still talk to this day. Her response to me, I swear to God. So if you're a white woman listening disagreeing, you tell me what this means. I was saying, I feel like they treat him like he's a little baby uh bascot, like he doesn't have the same capacity as the other kids, and they just kind of baby him, and I don't like that. And she was like, I'm sure they're so annoying. Like, I bet they're just used to perfect little Jewish kids.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:41

So, what does that mean? Oh, like translate translation, please. I was like, So used to uh spelling and definition, please.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:50

Like, you know, but the way it was said, it was like everybody knows Jewish kids come lock loaded and perfect, and that's just what they're used to. And here comes this little black monkey baby, and he know how to call her, so he needs a little girl, like and it was said with such pure and earnest, because she was like, and he's perfect, like you can you you can tell she immediately, oh my god, oh my god, my god. And I remember saying to her, and God, if she ever listened to it, I know she'll be so hurt, but it's the truth, girl. I said to her one time, I said, Have you ever been friends with a black person that that was as like equal stature to you as like what you was going on? You know, like yeah in college, demographically, yeah. She was like, No, like I had like a black kid live with me. I'm like, who was the kid? It was some disenfranchised, struggling kid who their her parents took in and took care of, which is great. But that is not the same as someone being black on equal footing as you.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:46

To be friends with somebody who's marginalized, who you are then their savior, or you're in a position to help out making you feel great. So you can easily be friends with the poor black child, but can you be friends with Hillary Blanks, who may actually have more than you?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:02

That's when I started to be like Like, do you do you struggle with being friends with a black person who is equal or maybe a little bit more?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:11

And I don't think that she would even see it as a struggle. I'm just I but I just took it as I'm sure if I was a girl who looked exactly like her, the things that I said that I did, the life that I lived, the experience that I had, because fast forward when I did end up leaving the school with no job and still live my best fucking life in Miami every day. After that, I went on to do, you know, my career where everyone saw me as incredibly successful. She was like, oh, I'm so proud of her. Girl. Like it's just, it's just, again, I I totally can agree if someone's listening to this being like, oh my God, you're if you hear what I'm saying, here's what advice I'm gonna give you as a white one if you're listening. If you're hearing what we're saying and you find it exhausting, you think that we're victims, or you're don't be friends with black girls. We're talking to you directly. You are not somebody who's in a place where you can be friends with black girls because I would argue, short of the pick me's who voted for Trump, 90% of black women have felt this way, have this experience. And it's not out of not wanting to or not liking or not wanting a sense of community with women, but I think we've learned now more than ever when we say all skin folk ain't kin folk, all click folk ain't kin folk either. And you realize that white women sometimes will align themselves with problematic men as long as it they feel like it keeps them safe through the proximity.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:35

And some of that comes with them selling your ass down the river too, for their safety. I don't know what kind of convention it was, it seemed like a Christian national nationalist convention. They were saying that they would happily give up their right to vote and their daughter's right to vote and trust their husbands to do it if that meant like things like abortion, other things could like be passed. They'd be okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:05

Wait, what? Wait, they okay. I'm gonna reiterate it so that my brain Yeah, vote. Go ahead and still be wrong. That they were willing to give up their right to vote. So they I don't need to vote, my daughter doesn't need to vote. Right. As long as my husband would make sure and vote that abortion would be available for us. Our woman's our woman's our our body autonomy would belong to us legally.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:36

As long as they that laws that were of God's word were able to be passed, basically. Like if that meant for the betterment of the nation and the country and for you know what God wants, they'd happily give that up.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:51

Um unfortunately, America, we have far surpassed making laws for the betterment.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:03

Like but but here's the thing though, it is slowly happening because now they're making it where like if your name is changed or whatever, you can't so like you have your husband's name now or whatever. Like, it's slowly happening, but I just feel like more than any other group, white and Latina women, let's be for real, are at the spearhead of that kind of energy. So I again, I just don't think it's crazy for as black women, as black mothers, we're like, you know what? We don't need to be best friends, we don't need to be disrespectful, we don't need to get into it, we don't need to fight, we don't need to argue. But it's okay if we have a sense of mistrust here.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:42

Yeah. Did you see or even see the trailer on Hulu? Is it called Soft and Quiet? Oh my goodness. I want to say it's called Soft and Quiet. I may be missing the world. And it's about um a group of, it's like it's uh it's like a core, I think, of like three women, but two other women join them of women who are wives, girlfriends, um of white nationalists. And it starts off the first woman, the main character, she's a teacher. She's a teacher. She's a teacher. And it's about how the night escalated because they're they're having their little meeting. They she it shows the teacher leaving the school, having her interaction, and then she goes to this like cabin area or space um that at the bottom it's a church, and two other wives, and then two women that they invited. One was a clerk at a store, or she works for one of the women, and the other it's it's a like a horror movie. Low, yeah. At the it turns out. It's not a documentary, right? No, it's not.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:48

Oh my god, I absolutely know what you're talking about. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:52

Did you watch it?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:53

Oh, absolutely. I had no idea in this direction it was going. That was the most triggering movie I've ever seen. It is so good at like not letting you think that that's what's happening. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:03

Yes, girl. Yeah. And I think it's important, and it's not, and I'm not adding this to the conversation to be like, see how awful you guys are, how secret, how secretly awful you are. Yeah. But it just shows the escalation of how these soft and quiet thoughts, these soft and quiet conversations are happening behind closed doors and in small groups, and how quickly that poison and that evil escalates into people losing their lives.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:35

And I think that there's gonna be people who make the argument of like, well, this is how racism starts, right? Because the reason why there's this bullshit manufactured fear around black people is people reference all these, you know, moments or behaviors or examples or videos of us acting out being violent. It's like, well, of course I'm afraid of black people. This black person hit my mom when I was a kid, or I saw the riot. And there's, you know, but my thing is, well, y'all have had a much longer, much more storied history of violence, and we've never used that excuse against you guys. You know what I mean? Like we've never pulled that, and no one's ever shined that mirror up to you to say, look at the history though, of like you throwing babies in rivers and letting them get eaten by alligators. By alligators. Look at the history of lynchings, you know what I mean? Like, look at we could it could go both ways. I think never.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:27

Look at the history of you experimenting on us while we were still alive so that you can cure.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:32

I think it's very I think what I've learned is with opinions towards black people, it's individualized. Like black people are bad because of black people's individual things. Where bad things that white people do is like systemized. Where that's not white people, that's a system. So if you make it an an abject, abstract item like the education system or the housing system or the government, it's like, well, that's what the system is like, as opposed to by white people. You know what I mean? So it's like very easy to try to separate them from it. And again, I don't think that this is all white people. I don't think it's even on a day-to-day, well, now who knows what the numbers are, but let's say 60 to 70%. I just think at this point, maybe for a lot of women of color, I don't like to say women of color, of black women, it just feels like no one's willing to do the level of emotional labor and uh emotional trichonomics to it. The juice isn't worth the squeeze sometimes because the history has shown that y'all will betray each other as women. We don't believe and support the same things, we will not be quiet while you placate your men to stand on in a ring in the White House lawn and call Michelle Obama a man and think that shit is funny or just ignore it and write it off. Like there's just I think it it doesn't feel some of the things that are just micro don't feel so micro in today's climate. Yeah, it's part of the problem. Yeah, yeah, it's been happening forever, but I think now it just feels like I'm I'd rather create in every I do truly, truly say like it is on an individual basis. Because that doesn't mean every black girl in the world I'm gonna be best friends with either. Just for me, I really am enjoying building community with women who I share just core values and things with. And I'm sure, and and here's the thing. Right. But if your values align with what's ever happening in the public Republican Party or in Donald Trump's public Republican Party, by all means, that's your truth. That's your truth. I just personally can't like I was saying to my brother-in-law the other day, when when people before an election joined for John McCain or George Bush, that was just politics, right? That was just a difference of opinion. That was just, hey, you know, yeah, everyone's allowed, we can agree to disagree.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:10

That's what it felt, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:12

What's happening now is not agree to disagree.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:14

This is about characters.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:16

Yes, feels very pointed. And it is going to have forever, ever and ever impacts on our life. And to think that because you just voted because your husband said, or it wasn't that big of a deal, or you didn't vote, so when I I just know it's not a debate. Our country will forever be changed for the negative because of it. And I hate talking about him making about politics, but the truth is we live in a world where you can't. And nobody wants to live in a world where we have to pretend and ignore obvious truths just for the sake of a fucking homegirl and a happy hour and a brunch. Girl, fuck that. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:55

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:56

No, you're ruining my brunch because I can't. I can't. I can't. But and but that brings us back to how we got here in that conversation. What a lot of activists who I feel is so different, this Carmelo thing, people are so you know, I expected such so much more performative bullshit takes about this boy. People are like, I'm fucking tired. Y'all tell us what y'all want to do. Y'all want to burn it down, y'all want to blow it up, y'all want to ignore it. Like, people just the response feels so different than I thought it would be. And some of it may be from what the things that you were saying about, you know, how the parents dealt with it and all that. It it make it tracks because people's responses. I think black people, when they get activated, are so good at I mean, look at fucking Target. When black people get activated behind something, they really take the ground. Like, I mean, what's happening now where they're telling us to boycott Asian businesses? I'm like, say less, whatever. I don't never need a motherfucker Chinese who to get in my life. But when we Oh, that story of when we all choose to really get activated, we get activated. But for this situation, it's just everyone's just like, yo, don't even be that's on you for putting your kid in the like you like how you said in the start of it. And I don't think it's coming from a place of insensitivity. Like, who cares about this kid? I think just people are just like, fuck. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. The best defense at this point is a good offense and just protect yourself and just stay away. Because if you don't defend yourself and you run away, you get shot and you're dead. If you defend yourself and you stab the kid, you're going to jail forever. If you do neither, both things can happen. And I can't wait. We're gonna talk about a young lady who is a dear family friend of mine who was in a similar position where she was charged with the death of a young lady and she did not trust the girl. And it's not even a debate. She was made responsible for her death that someone else did because she was there. It is crazy. And I think her story is gonna resonate now more than ever. It's gonna take some time because she's currently incarcerated behind this, but it's like if you don't do nothing, you could still get in trouble. And I just think at this point, the energy of debating and convincing, I think we've come to terms with the fact that that shit's not fucking working.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:12

So it's just like, well, well then what are you gonna do different? You're going to protect yourself. And I am the last person that wants to stoke the vision. I am from Miami, Florida, where there was a time where we had every type of kind of person here. And it blended in a way that was so cool and so seamless and so effortless, where you could go anywhere and feel like you were anywhere in the world, and you got to hear their music, their food, their culture, their vibe, and it was a respectable share and exchange of cultures. It's not like that anymore. Yeah. When I say that, say I grew up loving how diverse of a school that I went to, I loving how diverse everything was around me. It's not like that anymore. So I don't say this to cause division and be like F everybody. I wish we lived in a world that was like what it was before. Even shit, the Obama days, I miss when the most scandalous thing a president did was wear a fucking tan suit. I don't miss Fox News acting like he was a terrorist because of it. But like, think had we nipped that shit in the bud then, we'd be in a different place.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:14

But I think that is what happens when you let the inmates run the asylum, and that's why we're here now.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:19

But I think we're so far gone.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:22

We're so far gone. And it's gonna take immaculate fibers. And I think it's very sweet and peaceful to be like, we're just all we're gonna show them one good move at a time. We could have done that maybe 10 years ago with the first time that man came up. We did it, we brought him back. So I don't think that we're in that place as a country where we're so innocent where we can just all hug it out. Like, as great as the World Cup has been, I don't think it's gonna be enough to notice, notice now. Now notice this people the World Cup is happening. All these people from all over the world are coming to America and they're like, America is way nicer than I thought. Like, people are so kind, all these positive things. And what happens? He he hosts a UFC fight where he has people in the White House salon beating the shit out of each other on the ring and in the stands, and belittles and disrespects a woman who was first lady over 10 years ago. Imagine people are finally being like, America's not so bad, and the people are kind. The people in America in the comments are like, We told you we are kind and everywhere it's not shooting, and we do like each other. And the president is like, Well, let me remind you guys we are at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:29

This is a shithole you thought it was.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:31

It's it is so it's like even when we try to rise above that and remind people that like no outside people are nicer, he is determined to make it not so. And I can't forget the fact that all of these Hispanic people, men, white women this way.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:52

They totally contribute to this um this shit show. And I just want to be in an environment in a space where I feel safe. I feel comfortable to, you know, figure let my hair down, be able to talk about the things that scare me, the things that I'm concerned about, the things that I'm excited about. Because even like you said, to be in a space where you are excited about something, you're doing something different for your children, you're taking a trip, you're doing certain things to have that, to have the the validity of that questioned by someone because of who you are, like that you are. And I've had those conversations, they were with women I work with, they weren't, it wasn't a more of a personal relationship, but the for you to say something that you're excited about, like I remember when I first started dating my husband. I would this was when I was working at Torrid, she had flowers sent to the store, and it was like a card that it was like a just because kind of message on the card, and let me say her name, Jerry. Because I think I feel like there's there's I feel like there's a a a spirit attached to that thing. So we need to call that evil spirit out. That Derek spirit. But um her reaction, everybody else is like, oh, that's so cute. It's so cute, it is so cute. And she comes over there and she started to question, oh, well, is this something that he always does? Is he like this? Like, how long have you been dating him? It was weird. She just gave me weird energy, anyways, because whenever someone talked about something good happening, let alone she had been through a lot of stuff. So I totally get it, could have been what we call trauma responsing. Like she could have felt something about herself, like not having received that kind of affection or attention from the man that she was with. But like you said in the beginning, you start to question it because she two things can be true. Exactly. She did it to another girl that we were working with, and she was talking about like meeting this guy and all this other stuff. And we have and and all of all of our yeah, at that time, all the stuff is the stuff we were all, it was all black girls, and she was a white, you know, the white store manager. Um, and it's just you start to question like, okay, is she acting like this because she's feeling some type of way about her own life? Is this an insecurity? Or is he feeling like who are these black girls to feel so entitled to be loved and and and liked and successful all at the same time, kind of thing? It turned out to be the latter, but it did.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:31

Here's the thing, I feel like, again, two things can be true. Somebody can just genuinely be unkind and miserable and a bit, but the way that they'll respond, their the way their bidyness shows up with the woman who looks like them shows up differently when a woman that looks like me. And that is just that is just a a fact. It doesn't mean that it's universal, but it is a fact.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:56

It is Yes, that's clear. It does not mean that it's universal. I'd like that point. Like that's just yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:02

It is a fact. That person can be responsible that way because they're a bitch, but they're doing it to you. But girl, I'll never forget um this one girl. We we were we we something racial came up and we were talking about Barack Obama. And I think it was during the first election. I don't know if this was when Trump was running or he had won already. And I think he I think it was during the campaign because I think he was talking about like repealing Obamacare.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:34

Like, well, you know, I've said I find it interesting that, you know, we talk about how who the president does is doesn't matter because none of those laws affect you. When I can honestly say that the for the first time in my life that I that I was old enough to understand like what's happening in the world, that I can say that the thing that Barack Obama put into law directly positively impacted my life. And so the girl was like, how so? I said, Well, when I remember when I went to college, I was able to stay on my parents' insurance, whereas before I would have had to either come off or, you know, we would have had to do some other things to make it happen.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:11

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:11

I said, but as you know, as long as you were in college, you were allowed to stay in your parents' insurance. And that's because of Obamacare. And so, you know, they're all like, no, no, but you know, they're all arguing, whatever. I'm just telling you, you guys asked, like, what was so great that he did, and what and I'm telling you, like, that's the first president where I can say a law that he passed that was not there before. Here's how I'm not debating how much premiums are. I'm speaking facts.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:35

I'm letting you know how it affected me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:38

So then the girl goes in, just talking about the Brock mom in a really nasty manner. She was an asshole anyway. She was a nasty girl, a total asshole. It's not likable. White or black, no one probably really likes her like that. Um, so she's going in about how he's this and he's that, and she's voting for Trump, and blah, blah, blah. And this was the first round of Trump before we knew like how truly evil he was. So it wasn't bothering me. I'm just like, whatever, girl, who cares? Because my mind I'm like, you ain't gonna win in anyway, so whatever. But so then this bitch figures her mouth to say when she was in college, she got into a horrible accident, almost like a life-ending accident. Had she not been able to be on her parents' insurance, she would not have gotten the medical care that she needed, and how much of her shit was covered that wouldn't have been covered before. And she had a female black doctor, and it was the female black doctor that was able to find something wrong with her that or whatever it was, coded correctly where she had to pay out the yin-yang, and basically what that black woman discovered when she was doing her care, her meaningful care, really helped her. So I'm like, so you can say that this man did this for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:46

You're not gonna be like, Yeah, why is it so hard for me to admit that this man But but he's a piece of shit and he's the well, I was just like, but again, it's it's I don't know when that's that regurgitating that silly ass rhetoric, and you not you don't even understand what you're saying.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:03

She's not voting for him for no other reason than or she's voting for Donald Trump at this point for no other reason than he is Barack Obama's antithesis, and he is dragging Barack Obama, and for whatever reason is scratching and itching her brain that she likes a little too much.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:24

I just don't want to be confused.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:35

We're not the representation for all black women on earth, but I just I will hope the black women around you are aware of where you're at, and or you take inventory of where you're at.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:44

Let's talk about how there are some black women that I cannot associate with in the world because they are Trumpers or I don't I don't even I can't even say I don't even know if they're full-on Trumpers. I just know that they were giving Trump way too much energy and credit. And as w and as women, um, I just I truly just don't understand the thought process in which you look at this man and say that he is doing anything to help us in any sort of way. He didn't come into this office respecting women, he didn't come into this office making them a priority. He is he barely cares for his wife. You can tell that he's weird with his own daughter. It's it's it's it's weird. And and then there's the sexual assault allegations, there's the actual crime of rape that he was. All the affairs, like girl. Like he's not a respecter of women, and he's very much a user.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:54

So I'm sure someone's gonna say neither is Bill Clinton, but whatever.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:00

I I wasn't I I was never a fan of the city. I wouldn't have voted for that man either. I'm like, we good the one time they let you in was enough. You did what you did, good riddance. Like that's I just I just I'm I I as a woman, it just it's very hard for me to to fathom that you like you don't have Stockholm syndrome. So what's wrong with you? What's what why?

SPEAKER_02 1:35:24

Well listen, well let's talk then, since I mean we dragged white women enough. I think just like there are women who need to de-center men, there are a good measurement of black people who need to decenter white people. There are the black pick me group is a different type of group. There are black people who really want to be accepted and liked by white people in a way that's extreme. And telling that's all you and I can tell you that because I feel like I live in the capital of that of that town. Um I have no so you want to talk about weird things that white people do. Here's weird things that black people like this do. They act like if you are in a setting, right, where it's mostly white people, right? It's it's a let's say it's an expensive, affluent area where there's very rarely black people, they see you and they're almost upset because I thought I was the only black person here.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:19

Like that's the craziest.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:22

They literally, you can feel the palpable, like they make it at their point where they're not going to talk to you or acknowledge you because they don't want to look like they're just trying to talk to like I promise you, it if I hadn't seen it and felt it so much in my life, you'd think I was lying. They literally like here's my rule. Here's my rule, and I think I've said this before if I walk into a room and there's less than six to five black people, we're immediately cousins.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:54

Yeah, we gotta look out for each other. We're immediately related. I see you, we're connected, we locked in. I got you.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:12

Whatever it may be, we're black first. So, hey girl, hey, what's up? I have been in rooms like that where literally A, the black person will avoid me like the plague, and then if they're God forbid, because you know white people are gonna be like, Shantae, me Savannah. Yeah. She does her I was saying I have a friend who does her hair very beautiful, just like you, and this is her. Meanwhile, Shantae has a hard wig that don't blend. We do not do our hair the same. We are just black. But she's like, Shantae, and then Shantae immediately, her like lips are tight, her energy is like weird, and she's talking to me like we speak two different languages because she's trying to make it very clear that she is not that type of black girl. And one thing about me, I've I really am anti-code switching. How do you feel about code switching? I hate it.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:03

I pr I know how, but I never found the need to master it. So I just, to me, I I never truly understood why it was so important. Of course, the way you carry yourself, I feel like as a human being, the way you carry yourself in different settings, that's just a given. So I never was someone who was like, oh, in my mind, I was like, oh, it's time to code switch, or or even felt pressure to cold switch. I think I I think my mom would have never even suggested how off the chain I was. She was like, I'm not, I'm not gonna tell Keila to do nothing. She's gonna act the whole opposite of the way I tell her. Just because.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:43

Just because I I I hate it.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:46

I just I don't think because I feel like you can be who you are authentically and and but learn to be in a professional setting or learn to be like, and it's just those are I feel like those are just fundamentals that you learn as being a human and going into a workplace where no, you shouldn't talk a certain way in a workplace, not because you're black, but because you're at work.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:11

Acclimating to a climate is this no different than putting on a jacket when you're in a cold and wearing a tank top when you're outside. But to completely change the way that you've been, and I get like this one. Right. Don't show up to work as your authentic self. I understand that that's the mindset of like survival as a black person in this kind of environment. But it's like, how long do you think we're gonna survive? And this is why we are where we are now, in a world that the only way we can do well is if we behave like the white people, not even behave the way that they behave, because they don't cold switch. When they go out for their drinks after work, they're disgusting, launching around. That's when all the shit that they get in trouble for happens. They don't cold switch a goddamn. Because they can, because we allow it. You if you think we can survive a world where it's not even us behaving the way they behave, behaving in a way that makes them comfortable, where does that?

SPEAKER_03 1:40:15

And that's what that is. I think that's why that is such a dangerous, like, oh, skill that I'm gonna teach you as a black person. Yeah. Because you're only you're teaching a survival, you're not teaching a life skill of um, I want to say preparing yourself to be in a certain setting. You're teaching you're teaching someone that look here, in your life to succeed, to be noticed, to I don't for your accolades, that you have to make sure that you don't make these white people uncomfortable. And you make sure that you don't press too hard, don't ask too much, don't speak too loud, don't look too flashy, don't stand out too much so that these white people can still feel good about themselves with you in their presence. And to take you, yes, and to take you seriously. They have to feel good about themselves first so that they see you, and then secondly, so that they take you serious and they hear you, they don't feel threatened by you.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:14

Meanwhile, I'm looking at this man with this ridiculous fucking toupee on his head, suspenders with his tiny balls jacked up to his belly button, and because he's in charge of the city. Meanwhile, we have people like Diddy out here terrorizing people. Well, you know, I think that the problem is that like he he is to me is a whole other realm of conversation because he is what it looks like to be a man. Yeah, why I'm not gonna be so easy and quick to like let black men slide with things because the most successful black man just wants to be a white man. The most successful black woman still wants to be a black woman, right? Like, they black men don't want to admit that they do have some of the comfort and privilege of having a penis. Like that allows a rich black man to get like an inward, oh god. Okay. Like an inward, you know, when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, but when they get in positions of power, a lot of the wealthiest black men do, like Bill Cosby, for example, the first thing they do, they come back down and they talk down to us how we need to work harder, how we need to be better, how we're this, we're that, and they're some of the most evil because they just want to be in that power because they they don't want to make anything better. They want to be white men. That's all. That's all.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:35

We're black women that when, okay, so when you went to to SCAD, when you transferred over to SCAD, right, and you dealt with people from Savannah, not necessarily, not necessarily from SCAD, because let me tell you something. When I thought I was coming to an art school or being, I was gonna be in a city with an art school, and I knew that there were other black children, black people there, I was like, oh, I'm gonna, this is gonna be where all the quirkiness that I've been bottled up is gonna be, you know, is gonna be accepted. I'm you know, I'm gonna be amongst other art students, and this is just gonna be a place, and then I'm gonna be in the city. Which I didn't understood because I just came from St. Petersburg, Florida. I don't know what what what you thought this was. Like, I don't know who you thought I was because I went to SCAD. I worked like it was by the skin of my teeth, so it's not like I came here with a red carpet rolled out for me. I don't know what they were assuming about black kids, all black kids that went to SCAD. Uh-huh. What was your experience like the first time you told somebody that was like from Savannah, from the city that you went to SCAD?

SPEAKER_02 1:43:59

Um, you know, honestly, I probably had a very opposite experience than you. Because I mean, I really didn't interact with too many like local Savannah people like that. Um I think they all, like you said, had a natural opinion that we were all, you know, very, very rich kids. Which you already know. That's fine. You know, like that was an issue because that was in in my mind, that was my reality. So it's like, yeah, okay. I was used to always being the, like I said, the Hillary ranked of any group I was in. So that didn't bother me. I had I was called Miss McDonald so many times in my life. And you think you're all that because your dad is this. I had by the time I got to college, I wore it like a badge of honor. It did not even bother me. It was like the like the least insult it used to bother me, but it became the least insulting thing in the world. But ironically, what I did remember dealing with when I went to Savannah, especially with other black girls, I I'll say this forever till I'm looking in the face and people didn't like it in confidence, like it now. I am from Miami, Florida. So, you know, when we go out, especially back in the day, we got on booty shorts, we got titties out, like the way that spot culture dress is now, that's been my legacy, baby. Like Gucci is tanks, you thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:45:16

Like, this is how we always dress.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:19

You know what I mean? And I remember, and then on top of that, I will die on this hill. We embittered, invented modern day American booty music and twerking. We did. I I don't hate me. So when we would go to a party, you know me when I would dance, hands on your knees, and I'm bouncing my ass. Like, that's just what to me. There's nothing inappropriate about it. That's just the culture. Do you remember how many times girls would be like, she's disgusting, she's nasty, she's a big I just remember them being like so raunchy and so I remember like girls literally with an earshot making sure I hear black girls. Because I mean, we didn't really go to white kids' parties like that. We would if we would go to a white club or whatever, they thought it was incredible. They were like impressive, like finding drinks afterwards. But again, that's still a menstrual show. It isn't respectful. But um, but yeah, I remember how many of the times that we would see local girls, they would be very much like um I remember this girl being like, Yeah, I don't know who she is, but somebody was like, Who is she? Like, where's she come from? And the girl was like, I don't know who she is, but she's fucking nasty though, she's disgusting. That literally was like doing like a like a like a cute doodle brown, not even a real tour. That was my experience.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:30

But the the girl oh, the girl experience, and I just uh could be just like you said, that could be just college.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:39

College is a weirder time in girlhood.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:42

I remember my experience dealing with um a native, a savannah native. I'm not gonna say the the nickname I used to give them.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:50

We used to call them chatamite cuts.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:52

You're so annoying. I said I wasn't gonna say it. You're so annoying.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:58

Listen, why clean it up now? Let's just let's be real. We don't think Savannah's a lovely place. I was a hundred thousand percent wrong. I mean, I think they have built the city in a way that has been incredible.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:10

However, chatamite still exists.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:11

Um whoever did your city planning and city preparing, I mean, gentrification is real, and I'm sure people from Savannah feel differently. But when I went back, I was like, wow, this is fucking this is annoying. Sorry. It's not as boring now as I thought it was when I was in college.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:29

But go ahead. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:31

So no, you're fine. So um a college friend and myself were we wanted to go get a snack from the the gas station that was up the street around the corner from the dorm room. So it's nighttime. Um, not the smartest decision for two young girls to be walking by themselves. However, we're we're together. Um, she's a New Yorker, I'm from up north. We're walking at a healthy pace, so we're getting to where we're getting. And we go into the gas station and we're talking to the cashier, and there's this, we decide we're gonna get us some shakes. So we go over by the shake machine, and there's this gentleman in there, and he notices us, so he wants to talk to us. We both are just like, you know, not interested, not wanting to engage in conversation, doing the whole mm-hmm, and then like the kind of you know, thing or whatever, and you know, no thank you, no thank you. And um he starts to get offended. This is a black man, and he's older. Oh yeah, and he's older than us. He's older, he's very he's older than us. Um at that time, not sure if we were even 21 yet. Um, and he's clearly in his 20s, somewhere in there. Um and he starts to get offended. So like he instead of just being like, you know, on to the next because you think you're just this incredible person, he decides that he is gonna, he's gonna he's gonna start fussing at us. Literally, that's what this nigga is. Is he that old? Literally. He not not that old, but like he must be fussing. But that's but for me, that's what that was. Like you are you are fussing at me. Like the way I look at my youngest son when he is not getting what he wants. Like, you are fussing at me. So we were like, that's it's cool. You can move on to the next. We're good. So we pie ourselves, we walk out. He stays outside just to continue to fuss at us, but now it's not fussing, it's aggressive. Because he was like, Y'all scat girls, y'all think y'all better than us, y'all think y'all some different type of black people where it goes into the my ponytail wasn't mine, and he's talking about hair snatching, he's talking about ass whooping, he's and so we literally like and y'all I I my my my daughter will not behave like this because it's very it's dangerous, it's very thick, it's it's very dangerous, and nowadays.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:00

She'll be better at it.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:02

She's gonna be much smarter at it.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:04

No, no, no, no. She'll when I say better, she'll be dressing them down in less time. All the kids do is come back as you, but on a thousand. I've learned, honey. Sorry, get ready.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:15

Because I I should not have ever engaged. It's very dangerous for me to engage, but I engaged, so I commenced cussing his ass out too. And then we and then and we walk and thank God we made it home to our dorm safely. But I had never in my life been disrespected by a black person like that. So then it was a lifetime for me because I had never been disrespected by people the way I had in college in my life. And really to have to have another black person talk to me like that and it be a man. And it'd be a man, a lot of time it was adult women. But just the way that this black man, it didn't fear. I was so mad walking the whole way back to my dorm because I'm like, who does this man think he is? And then to be a black man and be talking to a young black girl like that, like what is called I I did not experience the angry, aggressive, violent nature of a black man towards a young black woman until then. Now nasty and inappropriate. Yeah. Yes. Nasty and inappropriate. Yeah, I experienced that. But like in a way to find like you threatening to put your hands on me because I don't want to engage.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:30

Florida or South Florida, period. Oh, you was all type of ball headed, fuck ass, whole ass, ugly ass. Oh my god, please.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:39

Girl, when he said that, when he said that, it just blew my mind.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:43

Girl, I but I was so because you know what too? Here's what I'll say. Let me be very clear, because you know, people will come for me. I had so many examples of good black men who were in my mind at the eight, now I'm an adult, so I know better now, but at that age, I thought were like saint-like. So I just looked at it as like some people have sense, some people don't. Some people are trans, people are not. So it didn't color black men to me. To me, I was there, there's there's just some men who are bitches. Because I had so many men in my life who were never do that. But oh my God, anytime back in the day, if you walked by a boy and didn't give him your number, you already knew he was finna cuss you out. You already little people be like, so if I'm all that, you just why did you want my number five minutes ago? Like, what in the fuck? Like, so I was used to it and I just like you, I'm gonna cuss you the fuck back out. I'm gonna talk shit. I think because I was always listening when I tell you I was always the white girl of the cousins, my cousins used to tease and bully me to tears. They would because my brother and I are half-brothers, they would call uh me step by step. I was a stepsister and I wouldn't. They would sing step uh step. Remember the show? Step by step? Yes, uh till I cried. They would make fun of the way I talked, they would say my name, they would call me Ashie, like so by then, my whole entire life, I was bullied for being the other kind of black girl that I was like, you know what? I'm gonna fucking embrace it. I am. I'm I I like to wear skepticals.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:15

I think that's by the time you um you met me, I was ready to fight.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:19

Yeah, I think I had, but it's true. It you know, you you do feel the difference when you are in this kind of black community, but you're this kind of black girl. Whereas and I think the same thing works with girls who grew up, you know, without a lot. When they're around upper class and upper middle class people, they treat them weird. I mean, it I think there's no no group has like the exclusivity on being an asshole. Everybody has their own inner micro bullshit that we do, that we create these negativities and these problems. So none of it shocked me because I was on the receiving end of that my entire life. So by the time I got a Savannah, you telling me I'm bougie and stuck, I literally would be like, what's wrong with being bougie? I to this day. If I think that I'm all that and I'm the shit, I would say to people all the time, if I like the way I am and I say that I'm the shit, why is that a pump for you? I'm not saying you're lesser than me because I think I'm the shit. We can all think we're the shit. We all should think we're the shit, to be quite frank. Like, we should all, if nobody thinks you're the shit, it should be you. But if you don't believe it, who else is gonna believe it? But oh I have Is that why we got along?

SPEAKER_03 1:54:31

I think that's why we got along.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:33

Well, because I think you realize, like, I'm not somebody who's gonna be intimidated by you some like by you doing better than me at something. You were better than us at sewing and colors and fashion and drawing, like the things that we were supposed to go to staff for. You were better than all of us at it. Why the fuck would I be jealous of that? Why would that be something that makes me feel insecure? Like, what what about my friend shining and doing well would make me for another person, period. That I just never understood. That I never understood.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:02

And that was and that was so weird amongst the like the friend group and the the just the black community at SCAD, period. Like maybe, or maybe it's just young black students, period. I just didn't, I didn't get that. And we always talk about how people thought it wasn't we weren't supposed to be friends, but me being even coming from where I came from as far as like my demographic financially and stuff like that, going to the church that I went to because it was non-denominational, I grew up going to people's homes who most of the time their their houses were bigger and better than mine, their bedrooms were better than mine, their toys sometimes were better than mine, just their the environment that they lived in was a lot more comfortable financially and stuff like that. And we were friends and we played together, and it wasn't a jealousy thing, and it wasn't my exposure to that, and people didn't understand why I was so comfortable being around this this girl who came from a a wealthy family, and me not being there, me taking the bus, me having asked for rides or whatever, and this person who's coming to college in their eyes is thinking they're independent, you have your own car, you're able to do these things. Like, why is she so comfortable being friends with this person? It's very odd the way they question.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:16

You know, I think part of it is my fault because especially back then I was very obnoxious. But what people need to understand is I'm gonna be obnoxious even if I never left the hood.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:27

That's they didn't realize it was a personality thing. That was a personality flaw.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:32

It had nothing to do with what my parents had. I my obnox to be honest, me thinking that my shit didn't stink and me being obnoxious was because I thought I was the smartest bitch in the room. I thought my intelligence was way more valuable than what I looked like, what I had, and what my parents did. I like those things because I like stuff. But if you know me, you could ask my mother. I used you could not tell there, you couldn't tell me nothing. I was the smartest. And it was like, of course you're not. I'm an adult, but you don't know anything. You don't know anything that you think you know. But I am the queen of being a know it all. I was the queen of being so my obnoxiousness didn't come from I thought I was better than you because I had money. It was because I thought I was the smartest person in the world. I was being honest, I thought I knew it all, I had it all figured out. You couldn't tell me shit. And that I mean, again, it doesn't forgive me being obnoxious, but just know it's not because of money at all. It was because I was an asshole because I thought I was a fucking being. I mean, I was a Kanye West, God sue me. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:35

And then I did that, yeah. And then maybe, maybe it had nothing. Maybe they just didn't understand how two assholes liked each other.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:41

Maybe it had nothing to do with where we don't get but let's but let's let's really bring it back together and put a button on it. I think part of it too was I was a young black girl who had the audacity to think very highly of myself. I think my entire life, people have tried and made it their business to humble me. And I get it. Somebody walking around cocky the way that I was and the way that I kind of still am sometimes. But my thing is the way I behave, I see my the people don't like. I feel like that I see myself the way an average white man sees himself. Sue me. Sue me. I have the confidence of a mediocre white man on a business call.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:26

Period.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:27

Period.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:28

You know, that's funny for us to both feel feel that way because I'm not even it sometimes it wasn't even by like outside, like my mom just feeling like maybe I'm like I was like too much. And then other people probably saying and whispering things in her ear because she we've had that conversation before about like I was too m I was a little too much, I was a little too outspoken. And then when I got around certain people, like when I got to high school and stuff like that, it was like, How are who is who is this fat girl who thinks she's having the time of her life and who is friends with everybody? Like, how are you friends with everybody? kind of thing. And it's just like people assuming that you should like you have to be kept in your place or make yourself exactly make yourself smaller. And then the fact, and it's so sad that we do that to each other in the black community, knowing that the world is already trying to shrink us down.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:18

My first ever op, my first ever like adult op that I really remember were my two, and I'll in uh there's there's a couple of people in this world that I always say, my intention in life is to obviously whatever I ultimately end up doing, it's gonna take off. It's gonna take off on do really well. God willing, I'm ever in a position to give a speech. You don't like to do a thank you speech. You already know my fucking rebellion speech. Let's be so for real. And if I list my biggest ops, there's three. There is the people from that last job I was at. There are there are the people who I went to college with, who I was in classrooms with, another time, and the last set will be the two women that were my first ever dance coaches in high school. Now these two grown, these are black women now, these two grown women we were in the high school dance team, right? It was like an inaugural season, the high school dance team. I made the dance team, so excited, so fun. You have to remember, I my brain has always worked through a a filter of pop culture. So in my mind, high school is like coolest for me. And all the stereotypes of California sitcom high school television is what my experience is gonna be like. So when I'm on the dance team, I'm not just on the dance team. I like dressing in my uniform on gang days, all those stupid things that you do when you have an experience, a type of high school experience. So, you know, of course there's drama, girls fighting, girls crying, you know, the day before a recital or a competition, you know. Normal things that we do, right? And through my adult eyes, I can't tell you what we did as a team that was so bad. But I do remember we had a lot of fun, and I was the unofficial captain, even though somebody else was the captain. In my mind, I was social captain of the dance team. And if I was quiet, everybody else was quiet. If I was talking and laughing and playing, everybody else was talking, laughing and playing. And I I ate that up. That was just me, period. Again, nothing nefarious, nothing dark, just being a silly, stupid teenage girl.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:47

But I remember the coaches at one point were so mad with us that on the day that we were supposed to have practice, instead of us having practice, we all had to have a team meeting in the classroom. Now, mind you, my memory is not that great, but things with bullying or fighting, I remember pretty well. And from what I remember, if anybody was on the Gator Sensations Dan team back in 2005, 2006, please correct me if I'm wrong. I don't believe there was any bullying on us not getting along as a team. You know what I mean? I'm sure there's clicks, but I think for a pretty diverse team, we all got along pretty well from what I can remember. So it wasn't that. I'm I don't know what sparked this, but we had to all sit in a classroom and meet together. And the two coaches wrote all every single girl on the dance team a letter. And in the letter, they were saying if whether if they were or were not proud of their behavior. And so everybody gets in this room, they give everybody the letter, and it was even more inappropriate as adults because it was kind of like we were all reading our letters together. So it's one thing to find out if you made the team, it was like find out how your coaches feel about you.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:01

Feel about you, yeah, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 2:03:03

So every single girl is reading their letter, and all the letters are pretty much positive. Some of them are constructive, but they're all very positive. And the girl who was the captain, hers was glowing, just inspirational. It was amazing. It gets time for me to open up my letter, and baby, those two ladies drug me for filth in this letter. Again, I'm in the 11th grade, 10th, 11th grade at this point. It had to be 11th grade. Drug me for filth, talked about, you know, my attitude and you know, the way that I carry myself as a young lady, and that, you know, I come from this kind of family, and how I present and show up, and that I have a little sister, and the way that I'm gonna influence her with my dream. I mean, it was so shocking to me. I kind of saw the writing on the wall that they weren't really into me like that. But again, remember, I'm me and I have a lot of confidence.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:59

Audacity for you to be you.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:00

So, but you know me, I don't care. So I'm like, whatever. I cried. I I literally cried. And I remember at the end reading it because I I think either we read it in front of everybody or we read it and they had us take a moment and read it and talk about what was said. And I remember crying and looking up at the rest of the team and being like, Am I really that bad, you guys? And I remember all the girls sitting there and they didn't know what to say because you can't be like, you know, we're kids. No, no one's gonna be like, no, Ashley, they're inappropriate, you're a child. Stop you know what I mean. Like you're gonna be adults. So they were all just kind of like, well, um, and then eventually it's like, well, you do talk a lot. Well, you do and I just remember, yeah, because these are kids, but these are kids, of course. But I remember in that moment, two things again. Sorry, I had to kill the spider. Two things. Never let a bitch see me sweat. I don't give a fuck who you are, how old you are. I'm never gonna let someone else's external feelings about whatever they got going on or wherever they are at or not at. I immediately recognize that this is a projection, it has nothing to do with me. Yeah. This is you're a grow. I knew you're a grown woman, and this is wrong for you to do. And two, I was like, all adult women are not necessarily safe.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:34

All adult black women are not necessarily safe, and this is what it looks like when they are unsafe to be around. And this is what it means. And I I was reading this art or this clip that's going around now about how um the bubbly black girl is the enemy of the state. Black girls do whatever it says, or like, you know, like what it, like how, and I was like, that was me. I have deserved to be cute, you know, in my mind, rich, fun, silly, without a care in the world, as privileged as you know one can be. And I walked around like my shit didn't seem and my parents were hard on me, but my parents never allowed me to think less of myself. I thought they made me feel less of myself if I didn't show up and do my best at something. But inherently they they were proud of me. I should be proud of myself, and I was gonna live a life and carry myself reflective of that. And I was like, that's a threat. This is a threat to these women because clearly they have lived lives that does that does not align with that. And to me, to them, me being so unapologetically myself, not caring about how I gotta cold switch or behave or not prioritizing other people's comforts, unapologetically laughing and having fun and enjoying my, you know, spoiled little life was a threat. And they made sure to try to humble and belittle me and make me feel it. And I will never in my life, I've as I always would joke, because I think one or both of them moved to Atlanta, I said if if I ever see one of them hoes at the airport or in public, I hope they know just walk past me.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:14

Because if they don't act like you know me, recognize me, none of that, no.

SPEAKER_02 2:07:18

Because if they speak to me, if I ever see them again, and you know, the way things align, it's either gonna be on their TV screen or in person. I hope they know when I see them. Not only am I gonna drag them for heal for all the things that I couldn't say as an 11th grader, but all the things I now would say as a mother of a child. The way I would drag them. Your legacy is that who you were as an educator, who you were as a woman who had a bunch of girls, because guess who all got nice letters? What color they were?

SPEAKER_04 2:07:58

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:00

Me or constructive letters or what color they were.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:04

See, I don't like why why wouldn't you want to build, first of all, as a woman, all young girls up and have them all feel good and secure about themselves. And if it is something that needs to be changed, recognized, talked about, why not sit down with their parents and help them to understand, like, hey, this doesn't my mother would have given her her ass all taste, the taste out of her mouth.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:28

My mother would have, because again, like my mom said, I don't know what you think because my mom did I did tell my mom and I should have let her and she went off. Um, but you know, it's not like anything was going on that was highly crazy or inappropriate. You know what I mean? It was it was me being a a a a privileged spoiled 11 or 11 years old.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:49

And something would be like, this is not the time for that, Ashley. Quiet down.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:53

Yeah, literally. Like, literally, but here's the thing. Like I said, I believe that, you know, sports and extracurricular activities build self-esteem and it should teach other choice. It is an extension of what you learn in your household. But I do feel like, at the end of the day, though, this is dance class after um after school. This is not I've already been in school all day. Yeah, yeah. This is not church. We can learn a dance routine and laugh and be silly. Now, clearly I was listening enough because I learned every dance and I was in the fucking front. Like clearly, I was listening enough to know what was going on. You know what I mean? It wasn't like I was so disruptive where we could not perform more like, you know what I mean? I was like bullying a bunch of kids. That was my personal, like literally my my um they we all had nicknames. Mine was speakerbox because I talked so much.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:43

See, that's and leave it at that.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:45

Leave it at that.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:46

But when people do stuff like that, when they do like bad letters, it the letter it it was intentional for the people that they wanted to criticize. So they had to write a letter for everyone. A hundred percent. But they only wanted to do that to criticize the girls that they want to criticize, which is I mean, they knew disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:03

You might angel, they come and said it to me like grown women, they would have met their match because I didn't play that. Like even at that age, it wouldn't have worked. We would have got into it. Because no man, you're not gonna talk to me like that. I you you know, I think as young black women, and I don't think this even applies to young black men, young black women, for me, especially what I learned from that scenario, there's never gonna be a young black girl on this earth that's gonna cross task with me, and I'm not gonna big her up. I don't care what it just it's never, it's never gonna happen. But especially the alternative type of black girls, like you said, the ones who are artsy or who like different things or who do different things because I think sometimes that cold switching almost puts people into like very small categories of or it it it reinforces that like this kind of behavior is detectable here, this kind of behavior is detectable there, and this is how you should be because if I'm code switching, what am I switching out of?

SPEAKER_03 2:11:06

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:07

What am I taking away that's not palatable that has to be, and then what am I switching back to that?

SPEAKER_03 2:11:13

And that's not what they're telling you. They're they just tell you, well, act like this, and then they don't want to tell because in the back of their mind, they understand that you're asking someone to not be what makes them special, more be more digestible for who?

SPEAKER_02 2:11:29

Yeah, for who? Because let me be clear you're unique. You want to talk about much for people, they'll never switch for you in your comfort. Nobody will ever switch for your comfort, and I'm telling you, nine times out of the comments.

SPEAKER_03 2:11:42

Sometimes I wish a bitch would switch up for me, please. Please switch up.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:45

Nine times out of ten, that only applies to women, that conversation. And it's being told to them by another woman, and it's usually a black woman telling another black woman because that it happened to me. I remember when I in my last. career. I was told, remember, you can't have on nails. You can't have nails with nails nail designed and someone's gonna take you serious. Literally, my the way I I would dress for meetings. I got my new batons on, I got my cute little suit on. I mean, I look with everyone like, oh, this is the fashionable group. I want to sit with the fa that that's a that's a that's a micro read. That's not a compliment. That is, again, I'm sorry that you dress the way that you dress and that's what you look like. I'm not the fashionable anything. I I I have decent clothes and I'm gonna wear them. They look good on me.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:33

This is my style. This is what I'm wearing.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:34

Every time I walk in the room to be like, oh we were all waiting to turn around and see what you had on. That's not a compliment. That's and I know people like to fashion like it is but we all know in this world that is not trying to be complimentary.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:46

That is No, when anyone's watching that hard it's to criticize you.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:49

Because they because they feel guilty about it. So in your face they have to mention that they were just talking about you. But in reality were like oh God look at her shit.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:57

And I'm backhanded comments.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:58

She already know she got on those heels and I'm like I don't know she walked in it. I've dealt with that my entire longer than probably I should have so for me now I clock it immediately. It does not bother me but I I'm not gonna not call the thing the thing either and I hate that when it comes at the hands of black women it it pisses me off. Black men being black is so exhausting sometimes being a black woman being a black woman it's exhausted. It's exhausting and it's like girl we're all we all have to like each other. I don't care if you are a fairy my mom loves our fairy joke about Mike Pence she can't let it go she can't let it go that he's the evil fairy king she loves it and I'm telling you once you once you see it you can't unsee it unsee it unsee it but yeah I even I don't care what Marca Pence I got the girl listen she knows she's clocked her she's clocked your fairy teeth from a mile away Michael you thought she were slick heela found out but no but yeah I it it honestly that bothers me more than white girl metro addresses because I expect it but with with my own girlies it's like come on like again we're it's not it's not that many of us in certain spaces why can't we all because you know same I think that's why I had a hard time they do it for each other. They now maybe there's some little drama between this group or this group whatever but I think overwhelmingly especially if you're the same kind of Spanish but overwhelmingly they see they I don't know about now all this ice stuff but before it was like they were so good at like banding and working together in situations immediately where where we are like we're gonna make sure we don't all sit together to not look suspicious. I'm like wait wait wait wait please please please sit by me or you know what I mean I want to explain yeah just like they're kicking together in Spanish come on like no no no no they're never never gonna do that oh it's so depressing it it probably it bothers me more probably than the racism.

SPEAKER_03 2:15:08

Yeah I think that's why I had a hard time with friendships in college why it was very up and down up and down because I just didn't understand why we just couldn't ride for each other.

SPEAKER_02 2:15:22

You know I was gonna say that I think it's because there were no black administrators or black educators there to leave we were kids. Yeah I think what I what I am I didn't have a B did we even have a BSA we didn't have no BSA did we have a BSA at the time I don't if we did it was very small and very unknown I don't remember there because I think remember there was a rule that you couldn't have any clubs that didn't let everybody join or something like that. I don't think we did if we did I didn't think about it. But um but I think what I admire about this generation of kids our kids and younger that people don't talk about enough they build communities on their own without the help of adults. Yeah they do like the way even if it's toxic like the like the uh K-pop people they find a way to build communities amongst themselves based on their shared likes in a way that I think is a lot more powerful and impactful. I think the power behind that can also become very toxic but the way that we did it where I feel like if we went to SCAT today we would have enough social common sense to build one and build a really good community where I think then we needed somebody an adult to help us do that. Or it would have helped to have an adult do that.

SPEAKER_03 2:16:39

Yeah it would it would have it would have because I even think when I had a conflict with one of the girls the person that we went to talk to was a white male RA like how is she how is he about to help us and that's how I looked at him I looked at him like first of all one you have a penis so like fuck off. Two like you don't you're not even trying to understand the dynamic here so you can't help us you can't you can't help me so all you need to know is that there's not a problem and mind your business. Because eventually he'll just call the people on y'all and both y'all get put out of school.

SPEAKER_02 2:17:13

Exactly it's not a problem mind your business that's that's what I think disappointed me about a school like Scat it being such a specialized school I just don't remember seeing efforts around building community really community period I don't even know we were yeah and I think again that's one of those spaces where you're a black kid in a quote unquote liberal community and you're supposed to be safe here and everything you know whatever everyone here is an artist so and it can't be further from the truth. I think I don't know about Scat now but I think I hope that there's a space for black kids there because it's very very needed it's very needed. Yeah it is and we would I would have loved it then but for me I was that kind of person because I had gone so long with like again my obnoxiousness making me a pariah for people anyways I just need pariah shut I just needed so strong no no no I just really need like one or two friends. I don't need a I'm not a good friend group person.

SPEAKER_03 2:18:19

Yeah and then I have you know have associates the people that you can experience other things with sometimes maybe on another every six months basis that was the biggest friend group I think I was I've ever been a part of in my life is that you see you see when I came I was the death knell because immediately it went away I ended that real quick I said everybody go to your corner go with your people seven little girls were in the bed one fell off that's what this one fell off one one got ran off by Ashley's mouth and bumped her mess oh my goodness Lord have mercy it's not intentional it was again I'm just not group I'm not good in crowds.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:58

I I think I'm I'm best digested on an individual basis to catch my jerk intimate intimate levels small intimate groups may be a controversial take or a jerk jerk take but you have to be very confident within yourself to be friends with me.

SPEAKER_03 2:19:15

Is that some asshole thing to say um no because first of all an insecure woman is a dangerous dangerous woman first of all and then second of all because no because what happens is and a lot of times what happened in our group friendships when we would like go wild and stuff you wind up having to cater to one person or one or two people whenever you're in a discussion or a conversation and nothing is ever free flowing and really fun because there's always this battle of am what I'm doing upsetting this person. It's for real is this person gonna be okay in this setting are we all okay to do this like can I say I gotta be able to be me. And if I if you need to if I got to self-correct or you need to be like hey um uh let's you know what you said offended me or what if we we gotta have that then okay but I still I need to be able to be myself and not have to worry about coddling you're feeling doing weird shit to make sure that you're okay um like I think that's we can look you can look at it two ways.

SPEAKER_02 2:20:19

I think for me the reason why I didn't consider myself the column or stuck up is because I was never that person in the group. I was never that person that would ruin the vibe for my sake. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 2:20:32

There were definitely other people who were genuinely stuck up genuinely worry about their own dates.

SPEAKER_02 2:20:37

The stuck up person is the person who you disrupt the entire ecosystem because things are not going your way or you don't like this or you gotta be two hours late because you don't like the way your shirt looks now because everyone is wearing this shirt. I feel like that stuck up person you know that wasn't even an intentional read but when I thought about it I was like I know who that is you know I mean I just feel like I always thought I was so go with the flow and I just was gonna rally no matter what to me that's the antithesis of being stuck up I was loud and I was hype or whatever but okay if we're going out if I'm the only one not getting hit on I did not care. I didn't feel like we needed to change scenery so we could find the people that liked me. I didn't feel like that would happen a lot.

SPEAKER_03 2:21:22

First of all we were out to enjoy each other's company and if you happened to catch somebody's eye somebody catch your eye and you wanted to engage that was on your your business one band one sound we came together but for you to feel like this night isn't going well because I'm not getting the attention they're getting or I need to I don't want to be here anymore can we leave?

SPEAKER_02 2:21:44

Now I want to leave.

SPEAKER_03 2:21:45

It's like no girl I thought we were enjoying each other.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:48

Now I want to leave I don't know to me the stuck up person is the girl who's throwing tantrums all night or throwing tantrums every weekend to me with the girl that's just like oh my God okay and I'm sure there's other ways to come across as stuck up that I'm sure if I heard it from people I'd be like okay yeah I kind of get weird but in my mind I think my I think it's easy to color me that way because of you know other the things that we just discussed but I always felt like I was just the goal along girl like everybody can get in my car I can drive everybody I'll cover DFW down for whatever which we I think I was pretty malleable pretty chill pretty tea I don't know I just feel like it was there were stuck people in the group it wasn't me no it wasn't that we have some real brass we have some real brats real brats we have real brass in the group we're going places that I'm driving to that no one's giving me gas that I don't even want to go to this place. I don't even like this kind of place but that's where the group wants to go I'm even minority I'm the minority vote here so whatever I really don't care and I feel sound like that now though you know I mean I'm always like okay you know I just try to just go with I I don't like to complain or cause a plus or take up my sister says the best you're taking up too much space here like there are some people who are so high maintenance that's it too I don't think I'm high maintenance at all the the behind maintaining is done by me. I maintain my for real I'm high maintenance my own maintenance for myself anybody else have to deal with my crap you know what I mean I'll be the one to go get my own stuff some people you don't realize you go on a trip with them or you hang out with them and you're catering to them and their comfort and their fun all night of all time I can't listen I am that's not living I hate that's not living like that I don't and that's a strong word because I don't like that I hate you like that I'm determined to not be that oh my goodness people people is people this whole conversation you know is about people people and whether you're white you're black everyone's the problem and we two are absolutely flawless without an issue where authentic saint everyone's done it to us and we've done nothing to anybody I'm an authentic saint girl listen if I said right now I think Thunder would start rolling and clapping I don't be like me like girl please don't I let you run out on this little podcast don't don't do too much please don't kiss me off please you know I know the day is coming where people listen to this these podcast episodes oh the critiquing comments of course so let me tell y'all now please know I don't care I'm all for conversation and discourse I'm all for moving a conversation forward but don't do too much because people are allowed to yourself yeah please people are allowed no no if you got receipts on my behavior that's contrary to what I'm saying I'm not intimidated by accountability please Ashley wants them I don't I don't care I know what I know what I did and when I did it I am a human being I know I double talk I can be hypocritical sometimes I can you know say things that and then in the next sentence it's something that I'm I yeah I know I'm a human being this is the problem with a lot of podcasts and content creators now everybody is trying so hard to speak to where they don't get people's negative comments back. If you spend enough time in the comment section you'll know there's nothing Jesus if you had an Instagram page you'd be getting drugged. Like there's nothing you can say that somebody's not gonna be upset about.

SPEAKER_03 2:25:38

You know and it's it is okay but it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:42

The difference is I think the people who in the long term are going to do well as influencers are people who are their authentic selves. You don't want to be perfect. You gotta be your authentic self. You're not above reproach you're not above making a mistake but a lot of times when you follow somebody for a long time you're like I don't know what it is about them. I just it's because they don't want to be authentic anymore. They want to be liked they're gonna start posting comments and trying to fashion themselves and somebody that's only going to get positive feedback and that just doesn't that's not sustainable.

SPEAKER_03 2:26:10

It's not so the word of the day is sustainability.

SPEAKER_02 2:26:13

Yeah and I just authenticity is sustainable. And I know I manufacturing not there's gonna be things and takes it's not meant to be salacious that people are just not going to agree with and that's okay but you're not gonna bully your policeman saying anything different so just you know yeah there's a high price for manufacturing what you think people want you to be. Listen never good enough because people are especially the people who come for you like that they're usually inherently unhappy and they can't even live up to the standards that they're trying to hold you to the best I can do is be a decent human being.

SPEAKER_03 2:26:49

Again be accountable for when I fuck fix that or I you know I don't want to say about me I'll change it and and move forward with the best version of the grace that I can in my life but uh I can't wait for the day when people start hearing this and ask and they're like what I thought oh God men please keep it to yourself no one no one really cares really for real women yeah black women a hundred percent everybody other black women other non-black women engage don't get too crazy be mindful be mindful men don't even bother girl don't even bother the only thing that you better say you do it black women we love you we support you that's what okay let me send this to my sister or oh my gosh my wife would love this my daughter should listen to this yeah yeah yeah you tell thank you oh my god oh my gosh speaking of men listening to this podcast my dad is still listening I don't know where he's at I haven't asked him I don't care I'm not engaging we do not talk about it I want him to stop no I want him to stop I want him to stop listening immediately are you serious I'm very serious he's listening to like each episode yeah he's working his way through I don't know the last actually I literally don't know details because I will not ask I need you to though like I I need you to like please for me what do you mean I need to know what he thinks I I need tell him to email me directly I'm uh the next time we're together he's gonna be here in July I will FaceTime and you can ask him what he's listening to you can get all the deets from the horse's mouth because I will not ask oh my gosh I don't think I don't think mine would ever ever listen to an episode. I don't know how he would get it or know about it but I don't I can't imagine um uh be all the bubble master ever I feel I feel like honestly it's his nosy ass DNA and he wants to even even though he already thinks that he knows everything which is insane but it's him he's literally being nosy.

SPEAKER_02 2:29:11

That's all it isn't like to listen to me talk for a long time so I roll episode I really don't think you're all oh gosh oh god Lord have mercy he's gonna go here's what he's gonna say she ain't making no money off of this shit that's what he's gonna say you know that now now when it's her taking a lot of money then oh yeah then he'll listen he'll listen to a couple of episodes it'll be a press release about how he inspired the entire thing and we should be giving him credit he probably will sue me and be like I deserve 20% well then you can sue back for the money that you hello hello let's start this ball rolling I'm going no Keila and if he ever I would go to the first Etsy witch I could find and turn that bitch into Obama tonight tonight I would turn him into a cockroach or a lemur so bad not an Etsy witch oh my God I'd probably take myself to New Orleans to get the big guns. I'd see I'd pull Marie up from the ground logo help me. Alright okay it would become my new favorite pastime Xing him every chance I got every chance I got but you know they're like oh don't do the dark magnet it'll come back on I think that's when the revenge would get so dark I'd be like you know what? Oh my god somebody help me we gotta go get Ashley listen I come out of the back corner with like one eye sobbing dragging my sleep like I'll get them like the oh my gosh like the ghoul in um Vampire Brooklyn yeah yep yep yep yep I'm a I've been turned into a ghoul no ma'am we're not we're not gonna go there that's not gonna happen that's I'm I don't I hope not leave me alone baby it's showing I'm pop oh my gosh I'm not a revenge person I'm not I don't care about revenge but in that case I'm not trying to get a cheek revenge takes a lot of energy no thank you don't care at all I genuinely feel even though there's some people that are saying that that's a weak stance to take I I do believe that what she's put out is get back and it'll come back to you.

SPEAKER_03 2:31:30

I don't need to help it along it's a weak it's a weak stance to take not planning and plotting and spending your time taking down somebody somebody says that's a weak stance the witch that I follow in threads that's what she's okay okay well you know from her perspective I you know I can see I can see how that's how she thinks you choosing to turn the other cheek is we because you say that person should have got your karma but what you was going to do that was their comma if you take their shot that's on you no thank you ma'am don't put that on me I don't want that I don't want that obligation I don't want that responsibility that's a lot of responsibility to tell that I'm I'm responsible for dishing out someone's com that's a lot of responsibility and they've done it to other people and all those people may have had the same you know opportunity and not taking it so if you have the opportunity to take it and you willingly don't take it by hiring her as a witch that's not you um oh she's trying to get some money she better leave us alone listen she beheads the people for people she comes and tells her stories I mean she doesn't she what charges $10. She's not becoming a millionaire from the hexes that she's not for the love of the game she does it for the love of the game she loves like that oh like that woman who's like I will beat a mine call me I will beat her mind she does it for the love of the game so I mean hey hey I just I don't know I'm not bestie right now right now I'm not a client as of late I'm not a client but if you guys get in these comments young man getting talking crazy just know I I follow two Etsy witches on thread right now be mine I don't know is anyone who's ever done me terribly wrong having a good life I can say they are I can say that they are so come over here with that shit if you want to I don't know what's on it but it ain't good for you that's a very valid point I mean most of them I don't know what has happened to them but the ones that I do know where they are I yeah it ain't good it ain't good I mean like tell me wrong not bitchy genuine no yeah no I mean like you saw out to do wrong to me I tell you about my dream after my egg ritual this probably cannot be on here okay so we're gonna say bye first and then you can tell me let's sign up bye guys bye you guys bye group chat it's Akeela and actually from two things can be true here's the truth no one tells you about the women living the lives you admire their lives didn't just happen by accident they designed them that's why we created the Life by Design Guidebook a guided journal designed to help you get intentional about the next chapter of your life through powerful prompts and reflection exercises each chapter helps you reset your mindset redefine your goals and start creating a life that actually aligns with the woman you're becoming because two things can be true you can love the life you have now and still design the life you've been dreaming about.

SPEAKER_02 2:35:15

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SPEAKER_03 2:35:19

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