Healing is like an onion (has layers and will make you cry)

Healing doesn’t happen all at once – and it doesn’t move in a straight line.
 In this episode of The Daydreamer Podcast, I explore why healing is like peeling an onion: layer by layer, sometimes emotional, sometimes uncomfortable, and often revealing more than we expected.

I talk about why old patterns can resurface even after years of inner work, why healing feels like moving backwards when it’s actually a spiral of growth, and how chasing “perfect healing” can keep us stuck. We explore the idea of healing to 80%, gaining awareness of the remaining 20% so it no longer unconsciously controls our choices.

This episode also dives into shadow work beyond anger and jealousy – including hidden shame around vulnerability, softness, and emotional expression. I reflect on how relationships act as mirrors, how triggers can offer insight without self-blame, and why discernment is essential on any healing journey.

If you’ve ever thought “I’ve already healed this – why is it back?”, this episode is for you.

Topics covered:
– Healing as a process, not a destination
– The onion & spiral metaphors in emotional growth
– Shadow work and emotional awareness
– Relationships as mirrors
– Letting go of healing perfectionism

Kasia Golda-Phillips

Transcript

Speaker: 0:01

Hello hello hello everyone welcome again to the daydreamer podcast. This is your host Kasha speaking. We are discussing here everything spirituality good things bad things um difficult subjects. I also add some psychology behind it all. and we focus also on relationships whatever spirituality psychology maybe you have some subjects that you would like me to discuss then comment or send a message on the on the podcast thing you have a um possibility to send a text on YouTube you can comment so let me know are there any subjects that you are specifically interested in that you would like me to discuss spirituality psychology ology mixed of two. There is no taboo here. We discuss everything. All right. So, how are you? Today is 20th of January. I had to have a quick look just to make sure I remember what the day it is today. Um, so January is coming to an end slowly. We are just a reminder. I say it practically on every episode. We are still in the year of the snake. The horse is coming end of February. But like I said before, it does not mean that everything is still fully energy of the snake. It's blended energy. So you can see still things falling off from your life that are not good for you. And you can still and you can start seeing some new beginnings. So I must say I was talking about wintering last time and for me the wintering is still going on and I kind of feel like when like when will I find energy to finally be like I was uh in in autumn even like I would love to go back to running. I just can't. I started um doing a exercise challenge where I exercise um practically every day and what happened. I got cold. I mean my husband brought cold um home and now I have it. So my um I have to put on pause um the exercise plans I have which is not great because I'm trying to lose weight like I also said beforeh which is also it's just not happening. I I'm starting to think, will it happen when the spring is close? It just feels so much nicer to wake up when when there's sun outside. And you know, just I used to get up 700 a.m. every day. Now I get up 8. I mean, to be honest, I'm awake before 8, but I just cannot get myself to start the day because I just feel like it's still cold. Even though today there's it's a beautiful really beautiful sunny warm day in Kent in the UK. So I don't know where you are in the world because I know that people from all around the world are listening. Um yeah, so we have a beautiful day and this is one of the days I could go for a run but I can't because I'm not well and I decided that um I would just do some treadmill walking. You know, it's it's good to let your body rest. It's good to have some insight into is it me being lazy or is it really my body needing some rest? Once you figure this out, then you really, you know, you will be able to to manage. Should you go uh or and push yourself or should you just stay and rest. I even, you know, I miss this kind of um, you know, information, this kind of message from time to time. I may think I'm too um, too lazy to go and then I push myself and then I feel horrible and I'm like, okay, that was not me being lazy. That was still a message from my body that I'm not feeling 100% and I should take it easy. So yeah, wintering, wintering. We're still wintering. I cannot wait to start springing, I must say. But it is how it is. This is also a time we don't want our life to pass too fast. So we need to enjoy whatever time we have um in the year. But I must say that um what I'm manifesting is January to be somewhere else than the UK. Uh can be Canary Islands, can be um I don't know, Cyprus, maybe maybe south of Italy, maybe some Greek islands that are more warm, just somewhere where it's less, it's just less depressing. January. I think it's the most depressing month of the year. There was also yesterday um that was a blue Monday. So, did it affect you? I to be honest, other than feeling unwell, I was fine. I I'm still manifesting some things to happen, but I enjoy my life. So, I didn't have this, you know, blue moon energy. If I had to go back to my corporate work, I would because I would hate my life that I'm doing something that I just hate. But I'm not, which makes me a much happier person. All right. So, what I wanted to discuss today is healing is like an onion. I don't know where you are on your healing journey. Have you just started or are you somewhere in the middle? Are you have you been doing it for years? You may see that you just strip one layer after another. You may think that you're practically there and there are some new things coming or the same things coming to bother you in some different way. So healing probably does not finish ever ever. It it's like a constant process. Um it's good to to change um of the course of your life. It's good to become better and better versions of yourself but without obsession. Right? I I I want to I say it from time to time. I just don't want people to get obsessed about being perfect. I will talk about it in a bit. It's also very important to not put any specific timelines and pressures or getting frustrated with yourself. Just let the process flow. It's you just need to uncover it. episode after episode or sorry the episode maybe sounds a bit weird uh one face after another face and what also makes me think that um the healing is like an onion because it may make you cry. Yes. So you may already know that that healing can be challenging can be very challenging can be like making you face things you do not want to face, right? Things that may you might have buried so deep inside because they just hurtful. And unfortunately to move forward in your healing, you have to dig it up. So I I just want to say that today I want to discuss about healing different layers of healing. what is in these layers. H but it's not the episodes like how to heal yourself. No, no, it's more about the process of healing. And of course, you know, from the how do you heal yourself? Um is you know just you can be more and more insightful, intuitive every day with yourself. Observe yourself. It does require a lot though of um awareness of your own emotions to do this on your own. You can mix it up. You can go to the psychotherapists, hypnotherapists, counselors, energy healing healers, um whatever modality works for you. This is the Yeah, it will it will help you, right? Whatever resonates with you. And like as always, I do invite people who would like to have the healing journey with me. Uh you can find links to to my website, to the booking page, and I would be more than happy to help you. But you don't have to. You have to choose something and someone that works for you. Resonate this part when people resonate with you. Your your healer. Healer. I'm saying healer. I don't know if psychotherapist would like to be called a healer or counselor but you know it is some type of a healer. Um yeah it's so important you don't even know how relationship is important in the healing in the healing relationship right in the between you and your some kind of therapist. Sometimes it's one of the most important things what's going on. Um it's like a it's supposed to be a safe space where you can open your heart and you're not judged. You feel safe to say everything that bothers you. You don't have to worry about offending this other person. You shouldn't you shouldn't worry. It's also for for for therapists um it can be even a valuable message what's going on with you and the world um when they feel in some way that they reacting to you. That's something for it's not probably for this podcast how the psychotherapy works but yeah it's it's good to know that the the therapists and it's like I talk about psychotherapy here because I do combine modalities um I'm still psychotherapist in training I did um hypnotherapy diploma I have um um I've done it quite a while ago I need to And uh one more thing to them to just get it you know in in get get the paper right but they finished the school um last year somewhere I don't know the time flies however I do yeah so I do mix um modalities like talking and hypnotherapy and energy healing. So for me this conversations, relationships, whatever is going on between us in the session, it's also very important. All right. So you will have healers that work differently. I work in these type of modalities. So that that's what's important to me. So yeah, so another important thing is about steps forward, step backwards or sometimes your perceived steps backward. So healing is like an onion but it's also like a spiral. You might have seen it in the spirituality this like spiral going to the top and then the top is like a perfection right ascension. No, no, no. Doesn't matter, right? You not need to get there. But sometimes you think you got, you know, you went backwards, but in reality, you are higher, right? It might be the same situation, but maybe you're reacting different. Maybe it's challenging different parts of yourself. Okay? It's a different conversation if you actually haven't worked something through and it continues to show up. So you finally act on it, right? That's a different conversation because that will actually mean that you have to um sort it out because it will be recurring. Okay, it can be relationship issue. You continuously attract the same men. um you uh you attract the same um men, women, partner like um whoever you want to attract or friendships um you keep on having you know fake friends, backstabbing friends um people disappointing you. I would say the relationship with your parents is a much more complicated one. Um it's like if it's you can change friends, it's difficult to change parents. You can't change your parents. Um and sometimes they don't change like in internally they just don't because maybe there's a generation that's just doesn't work on themselves to not go deeper just live on the on the surface. And that's a tough one, right? It's of course you can go drastically and just remove yourself from that family um if they are really toxic, right? Or you have to accept that they want to change and maybe love them more from the distance and limit how much time you spend with them, how much time you talk with them or work your or work through the things that they're triggering you in them to the level where you just don't react. You just you just almost like you know this is how they are. you know, this is what they say and it comes in one ear and just leaves another the other and you just this is what you do. Of course, some people may say this is this is not good because you need to voice if they're hurting you in some way. Yeah, but that's the thing they may never change. So, so that's a more complicated relationship. What do you want with it? I personally unless there's something really extreme like extreme abuse I am not for leaving your family behind your parents um it can be your sibling um any other you know person that you are close in a in a in a family because you know there's some uncles aunts um grandparents that are just further out and they're super toxic kid that's easier to cut out, but what about the closest ones? So, I'm not for it. Uh, it's it's but this is subjective for me. I know that because I'm close with my family even though they're not perfect. Um, and there are things I cannot change about them. I have to accept they will annoy me from time to time or I'm mentally before meeting them, I'm just mentally prepared for certain things to happen. But for me the benefit of having them is much bigger than not having them. So that's a personal thing that everybody have to just assess for themselves. Yeah. So that's that's um um that's part going back to the spiral. Yes. So sometimes you think you're going back but you're actually higher and you like you like I said you may observe reacting differently um to the same situation like different parts opening you may actually be repeating something because you haven't yet healed it you haven't worked on it so it will be like a like almost like bunking on the door like, "Can you hear me? I'm here for the fifth time." Right? And will you ever address me? Like if that's the case, so what's going on? You're not addressing it because you don't know how or you actually know what's going on, but addressing is too difficult. And that are the points the moment and you probably need I mean to be honest both of these even either with something is too difficult or when you don't know why is it happening it's worth getting in touch with some healer so you can get objective perspective on that right because sometimes not even sometimes it's very difficult for us to always know 100% even for people that have incredible insight or been years through some different healing modalities. Sometimes you get confused. What parts of me are screaming now? What parts of me wanting some attention? Is it me or is it outside world? It it's I do I'm one of these weird people that I do like therapy and I to be honest um I just like to have conversation with someone who would just objective help me put my thoughts in objectivity. It's it's really really healthy. Of course, not everybody can afford having someone for the rest of their lives every week, but maybe worth even from time to time have some uh consultation, but you know, after um some healing journey that you've done. I also do, it's not that I do only therapy um like a talking therapy for myself. I do also um energy healing. I do it mostly on myself, but I also go to some healers. It's always so nice to feel like someone finally is taking care of you. You're not taking care of everybody else. All right, so that's that's the spiral. So we have an onion, we have a spiral, but now something I mentioned with the spiral. So let's talk about perfection. I am perfectionist in healing. I let go of a lot of that already. There is layer after for me there's a lot of layers to this onion. Uh it's a quite a big chunky onion and you know it starts in having two ambitious emotionally unavailable parents for example right that's my story. Everybody has their own, but you would be surprised how many of us have actually similar stories. They may sound different, but when you think about it, they may actually be similar. Um, so yeah, so let go of perfection. Your you shouldn't have a target of wanting to heal everything. Like I said, I prefer to continue getting better and better. It it's something I enjoy just healing part of myself which might sound crazy to some people because you have to face things that you may not want to face but I I do my fascination with psychology and spirituality makes me that my mind fascinates me also not only minds of other people I'm fascinated with all the minds um so that that's that's for me but in reality your healing can end when you feel happy right about your life. And then what is a very important thing, you need to just be aware of the things that are not worked through because when you're aware of them, you can somehow manage them uncontrolled. And that's that's enough. You don't if you don't want to, you don't have to spend years and years and years between different healers. Get to the point when your life is the life you want is a happy life. But also to fellow perfectionists, overly ambitious, maybe it's worth re-evaluating what will make you happy, right? because um sometimes ambition or the big positions you're going for or like enormous amount of money or whatever you hope hoping for might be like a fool's gold, right? It's just a never ending pursuit of this that makes you constantly miserable. So if that's the case, that needs to be re-evaluated. Also, you may actually find that once you finally let go of obsessing over something, it will come to you. But that's that's the manifestation part. So, yeah. So, I don't I just I said it like when I uh when I made notes for what I want to talk about in the podcast, I put this 80% healing, 20% not healed, but you know, being aware of it. It it's just a madeup number, but that should maybe show you a bit what I mean. Don't need to get fully 200%. You don't need to be to this oh my gosh ascension living in heaven while being on earth. It's not I wouldn't even say it's healthy because we are here on the most material of the plains earth because we wanted to live a material life. So it's amazing all this waking up of the souls or the spirituality that we're trying to introduce to this material plane. But this is earth. It will never stop being material. So it will never stop giving you reality checks if you start floating too much to the sky. So yeah, just remember that. Okay. So another thing is shadow work. What is our shadow? Shadow is this neglected part of ourselves that stays in the shadow that controls us unless we confront it. So you might have heard about the shadow many times. Maybe this is the first time if you think about it. Maybe you heard about it many times. So I think the big misconception here. You may think that your shadow is your anger, your ah what else can it be? Your anger, your um jealousy, things that are quite obvious. It it might be it might be for sure if you have anger issues, jealousy issues, fine. It's something to work on. But your actual shadow might be something completely different. It might be being afraid to be vulnerable, being afraid to be hurt, being ashamed of crying. It's much easier to say, "Oh, you know, I need to work on getting angry." Unless you're very extremely angry and you are uh, you know, bully, harassing, physically abusing, that's a different thing that you want, then you will not want to say that. You will not, you will be pretending you're amazing person. But for many of us actually this sensitivity this being it like think it's okay to be vulnerable. So many of us think it's a weakness and that might be actually something for you to look at and work on. That might be one of the most powerful things to look at in your life cuz we we do have these tendencies especially like you know people interested in spirituality there's so much sensitivity in us there is so much empathy there is so much emotional you know intensiv intensity that it it's one of those things you just want to hide. You just want to hide everything like in um in a shield like in the turtle's shell, you just don't want anybody to see that. But that's one thing, but if on top of that you're actually ashamed of that, that's something to really look at. And something else I wanted to discuss for you, it's relationships as mirrors. All right. So, it's a very good and I started saying it in the beginning about how therapist will be assessing the relationship they have with you to see how the world might be reacting to you. I'm giving you a bit of the um background what was going on at the therapy when you think that your therapist is just sitting there and not doing anything. Get get paid, right? Um so you can use it also but slightly different. Look at your relationships in your life and really observe them and really examine them. That might be give you a lot of information about yourself. What triggers you negatively? Whom do you idolize? This this will be very important information. It's things that triggering other people may end up being something that you don't like about yourself. I got the example of being embarrassed um of being vulnerable. You may be really annoyed when someone cries for no reason. No apparent reason in your opinion, right? Because they're emotional. Maybe something you're not accepting in yourself. If you're idolizing something, maybe something you crave. But idolizing can have also look at it also in deeper because it's never good to put anybody on the podium on the to idealize that nobody's perfect right we're all human even if some of us are not and that's only very spiritual I will know what I'm talking about also what do you judge right judgement can be also another type of negative trigger that you something that you may not accept for yourself or you might see someone doing like I don't know um girl showing off her body as an example you would hate on that but maybe internally you would love to have this confidence to do that or maybe you um jealous of how she looks like. There's really really a lot that you can read through um through these thoughts, through these relationships around your friends, your family, also how you see the world around you. But just um another comment about not obsessing about it. So don't create don't go crazy about it. Not everything will be a message. how Freud was saying cigar is sometimes only a cigar and just the the important here is actually to go through some kind of healing journey so you can be aware of your of your sensitive points of your weak points. It will give you so much more ease to be insightful because if you do not know what's going on underneath your behaviors, underneath your emotions and your subconscious, then it's all leading your life. You're making decisions. You're making choices that you think are your own decision and choices, but they might be very much coming from completely different place. And if you know if the choices you're making because you were raised in amazing home and you were taught so many amazing things that you just automatically choose the most amazing person for yourself, that's fine. The problem shows when you were raised in a very difficult home and you keep on choosing very difficult partners or you end up with a heartache all the time, cheated on, betrayed or even worse things, right? That's the part when it would be good to examine everything to go through a healing journey. And just remember it goes layer after layer. Sometimes you need to go through a lot of layers to get to the bottom of some stuff. Some things need to be healed before the others. Also remember we are in a spiral. So not everything is going backwards. At the same time, if there is something that keeps on popping up, you don't address it. It will be banging and banging louder on the door until universe may decide to do something more extreme about it. And you don't want that. And it will sort your problem, but it can be in a dramatic way. So that's it. That's it for today. I hope you enjoyed that and I hope it was helpful for you. And if you if you do uh enjoy my podcast, please comment, review, um subscribe, like, wherever you either if you're watching or listening. Thank you so much and talk to you soon.