Is Going Alone Really Faster? Community, Action and Bringing a Vision to Life

There’s an African proverb that says, "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together".

In this episode, I challenge the first half of that idea.

Because the more I watch human beings create, struggle and rise, the less I believe that doing it alone is always the faster path. Sometimes the very thing slowing us down is not a lack of ability. It is isolation. Too much time in our own heads. Too little perspective. Too much carrying, alone.

This episode is a reflection on community, self-doubt, courage and momentum, and why the right room can help us bring a vision to life, move on a dream, or finally take the next step.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, flat, or disconnected from what you know is possible, this conversation may land deeply.

Sometimes it is not more effort that changes things.
Sometimes it is the room.

Here are the links to the offers I mention: 

Learn more about The Soft Strength Salon
Find The Unshakeable Woman and Success Was The Warm-Up Complimentary Blueprints Here. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Welcome or welcome back to Sky High Coaching Conversations. I'm Janelle Ryan. I am thrilled that you decided to join me today. Before we dive into the episode, I have a celebration and an announcement. We here at Sky High Coaching are celebrating 250 downloads of our brand new little podcast. So that happened this week. Thank you very much for being part of that. And my shout out today is to a beautiful woman called Anna who shared with me recently that she hadn't listened to all of the episodes of Sky High Coaching Conversations because she downloaded them onto their phone onto her phone to listen to them while she was on a long haul flight this week. So big shout out to Anna. Thank you so much for choosing me to keep you company on your flight. I feel very honored, and I hope you enjoyed the episodes that you downloaded. So let's dive into today's episode. And I'm going to kick off with a question for you, which probably won't surprise you if you've been listening for a while. Have you ever been part of a group, a team, or a community that has brought out more in you than you ever could have reached on your own? Not just more output, not just more productivity, but more you. You expanded, you times 10, you squared. Maybe you found more honesty, more courage, more clarity, more life, more momentum, more direction. Maybe together you created something really meaningful. Maybe it was an event, a project, a business, a movement, your next chapter, their next chapter. Or maybe the most important thing was not what you created at all. Maybe the most important thing was who you became in the process. Because that kind of growth does not usually happen in isolation. Now, there's an African proverb that says, if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. And I understand why people love it. It sounds really wise. And part of it is. Part of it is true. Going alone can look faster. There are fewer options, fewer moving parts, fewer personalities, fewer people to worry about, fewer schedules to work around, fewer people to consult. You can make a decision quickly and move on. But here's the thing: the more I watch human beings grow, create, lead, and struggle, the more I want to gently challenge the idea that alone is always the faster path. Because isolation has a cost. When we're alone for too long, we can disappear into our own thinking. I know I can. We overanalyze, we lose perspective, we question ourselves, we can get really flat, we can get discouraged, we can lose contact with the very thing we're wanting to build in the first place. We start circling it instead of moving, instead of bringing it to life. We confuse fear with truth. We begin to believe we're behind, we're incapable, or somehow we're the only one in the whole world finding this difficult. And this is why I care so deeply about community. Not only because it feels nice to belong, it's a basic human need. It does feel nice. But also because the right people can accelerate your growth, they can strengthen your courage, they can steady your nervous system, they can challenge your thinking, they can remind you who you are when you've temporarily forgotten. The right community sharpens you, it warms you, it tells the truth to you, it gives you perspective when you've lost it, momentum when you've stalled, and connection when your own mind has become a really noisy place to live. So, yes, going further, excuse me, so yes, going together can take you further. But I would also argue it can help you move faster. And not in a frantic way, not in a pressured way, not in a performative way, in a clearer way, a stronger way, a more supported way. Taking the right step at the right time in a way that keeps you connected to yourself while you're building whatever it is you wish to create. This is why I care so much about being in the right room myself and creating the right room for others. Because when we're in the right room at the right time with the right people, something shifts. I've experienced it many times, and I've observed it many times. We remember ourselves, we regain, excuse me, perspective, we take the next step. You know, I've had people come to me after years, sometimes years and years, of going in circles about a dream, a change, or something they know they want, but have not been able to act on. I introduce them and bring them into the right room, and things start moving really quickly. Always within days. Always. Sometimes it's within hours. So I want to offer you nine reasons I believe community has this power. Listen along and notice what comes up for you. And if something does, think about what you may do with that insight. The first is this community reflects back what you can't always see. When you're surrounded by people who genuinely see you, something subtle but powerful happens. You begin to rise into that reflection. And I don't mean flattery, I don't mean hype, I don't mean people telling you you're amazing while ignoring your blind spots. I mean something much more powerful than that. I mean people seeing your strength when you're doubting it, people noticing your gifts when you're minimizing them. People hearing wisdom in you that has become so normal to you, you no longer recognize it as wisdom. Sometimes we live so close to ourselves we can't see ourselves clearly. We see and feel our hesitation. They see our courage. We see our mess. They see our progress. We see all the reasons we're not ready yet. They see the evidence that we're already more ready than we think. And over time, being in that kind of environment changes a person. Because eventually you begin to borrow their belief until your own belief catches up. And then, my friend, something really beautiful happens. You start doing it for other people too. You begin to reflect back their strengths, their brilliance, their skills, their becoming. That is one of the quiet miracles of healthy community. Growth becomes reciprocal. The second reason is that community holds you when things wobble. And things do wobble, my friend, don't they? Well, they do for me. No matter how smart you are, how capable you are, how much work you've done on yourself, there will be moments when life catches you off guard. A transition you didn't plan for, a disappointment, a heartbreak, a business challenge, a health concern, a confidence dip, a season where what used to work no longer works. Especially when we're in the creation of a dream, unforeseen obstacles, challenges we didn't expect. And in those moments, community matters. Because sometimes what gets us through isn't expert advice. Sometimes it's being witnessed, being cared for, being reminded that we don't have to carry the whole thing alone. A strong community does not need to have lived your exact experience in order to support you through it. Empathy doesn't require sameness, it requires presence. It requires someone willing to stay, someone willing to listen, someone willing not to rush your process, someone willing to say, I'm here. And I've watched the presence of others become part of what made clarity, courage, and forward movement possible. And to me, that is humanity at its best. The third reason is that community reminds us we're not the only one. This one is huge. One of the most common things people say to me after a group experience that I've hosted is, I thought it was just me. And every time I hear it, it lands. Because so much unnecessary suffering grows in secrecy. We assume our fear is ours alone, our self-doubt is ours alone. Our longing is ours alone. Our confusion is ours alone. We look around at other people and imagine they're coping better, knowing more, feeling less turmoil, handling life with greater ease, don't we? Meanwhile, privately, we're carrying questions and emotions that we have not said out loud. And that assumption can be really and quietly painful. Because when someone believes it's just me, shame has an open door to walk in right behind it. And shame isolates, it silences, and it distorts. Community interrupts that. It lets us hear somebody else say the thing that we've only whispered in our own head. And suddenly the pressure changes. Not because the challenge disappears, but because we're no longer carrying it inside the illusion of being the only one. And that matters more than people realize sometimes. The fourth reason is that community restores your sense of belonging. And belonging is not the same as fitting in, believe me. I used to be so proud of the way I could fit into any situation, any group, any community. Until one day I realized I wasn't necessarily belonging. I was changing myself to fit in. And I have actually written an article about that in the past, which may become a podcast episode now. I think about it. So as I said, because I just, you know, went off on a bit of a tangent. Belonging is not the same as fitting in. Fitting in asks you to edit yourself. Belonging lets you arrive. Fitting in says, How do I need to be in order to be accepted here? Belonging says, I can tell the truth here. It's a very different experience. And hearing someone else say, me too. Oh my gosh, I have hosted so many group experiences and heard so many people say me too. Me too. Or they might say, I get that. Yep, totally. I absolutely hear what you're saying. I feel it. I know it. Or they might say, You don't need to hide that here. This is a safe space. We can all relate. So those moments don't solve everything, but they soften something. The person's body softens, their guard softens. If they've been um portraying or holding a bit of a bit of performance, it disappears. And when a person no longer has to spend so much energy managing how they're being perceived, that energy becomes available for growth, for truth, creativity, self-expression, change. This is one of the reasons the right room can feel so life-giving. You're no longer working so hard to be acceptable or accepted. You get to be real. The fifth reason is that community expands your perspective. When you're deep inside your own life, your own business, your own career, your own emotions, your own story, it can be very hard to see clearly. And sometimes things can start to feel really personal or emotionally charged or a bit too heavy. And you can become convinced that there are only one or two possible interpretations of what's happening. Then someone says one sentence and you realize, oh, oh, there's another way to see this. And that, my friend, is super powerful. Not because other people always know better than you, but because we all have blind spots. We all have habits of thought. We all have emotional filters. We all have places where our fear narrows what we can see. A trusted community gives you an additional lens. Sometimes they validate what you already know, sometimes they challenge what you're assuming, sometimes they ask a question you hadn't even considered. And sometimes that one new perspective is enough to unlock movement again. And that's not a small gift. That can change a decision, a conversation, a relationship, a chapter. The sixth reason is that community teaches us how to live with difference. And I think this matters enormously. These days we have access to people across cultures, industries, identities, generations, and life stages in a way we simply did not have before. And that can be uncomfortable sometimes, but it's also incredibly stretching. Because growth does not only happen when we are affirmed, it also happens when our assumptions are challenged, when we hear how somebody else sees the world, when we're invited to listen more carefully, when we realize our way is not the only way, when we discover that difference doesn't have to mean danger. Healthy community teaches us how to stay open without losing ourselves, how to disagree without attacking, how to learn without collapsing into ourselves, how to evolve without pretending, oh, we've always known that. That's mature growth. And honestly, I think a lot of leadership lives right there. Can you stay present with difference? Can you remain curious? Can you let your worldview become more nuanced? Can you keep your heart open while your thinking expands? That kind of exposure changes people. It makes us wiser, more humble, and more capable. The seventh reason is that community accelerates growth even when it's uncomfortable. I have a mentor who lives by this saying. If you're the smartest person in the room, you're probably in the wrong room. Now, while I don't think life is a constant competition to be the most impressive person anywhere, I do think there's something powerful about being in rooms that stretch you. Rooms where people inspire you, rooms where people challenge you, rooms where you realize your current identity may not be the final version of you. And that, my friend, can bring up a whole lot of discomfort. Of course it can. Comparison can show up, self-doubt can show up, imposter feelings can show up. The voice that says, Who on earth do you think you are? can absolutely show up. But so can expansion, so can a new standard, so can a new level of courage, so can a new capacity you didn't know you had. Sometimes being around people who are doing brave, intelligent, expansive things helps normalize what once felt out of reach. You stop saying those things as for them, and you start considering they may be possible for you too. And that's often the beginning of real movement. Not because you've become someone else, but because something in you has been called forward. The eighth reason is that community is joyful. And I don't think we talk about this enough. Not all growth has to be heavy, not all transformation has to be solemn, not all meaningful work has to feel intense all the time. If you have worked with me in any capacity, private one-to-one, group coaching, a live event, a workshop, one of my digital online courses, you know I love to laugh. And I love to lighten the mood because sometimes growth happens while people are laughing. Sometimes breakthroughs happen between serious moments. Sometimes the medicine is friendship. Sometimes the shift comes because someone feels safe enough to relax. Shared jokes matter, inside jokes matter, lightness matters. Celebration. Oh my gosh, do we celebrate? It also matters more than we think. And we play. I don't call it homework in my programs. I call it home play. Joy is not a distraction from meaningful growth. Very often it's part of it. It reminds us we're alive, it reminds us we're connected. It reminds us that becoming more ourselves is not only deep work, it is allowed to feel good too. Oh my gosh. And I believe this so much because we're not here only to endure. Our lives. We're here to live them. And the right community can bring laughter, aliveness, and warmth back into places that have become far too serious and far too lonely. The ninth and final reason is that community interrupts the spiral of isolation. Now I want to be really clear here. Solitude can be beautiful. Sometimes it's even necessary. There are times we need to step away from noise, to be alone so we can think, we can write, create, pray, meditate, process, research, hear ourselves clearly again. Solitude isn't the enemy. Isolation is different. Isolation is when alone stops being restorative and starts becoming distorting. It's when your own thoughts become an echo chamber. It is when perspective starts shrinking. It's when fear gets louder because nobody wise and grounded is close enough to challenge it. It's when you begin to question your timing, your path, your capacity, and sometimes even the dream itself. Isolation can make a temporary wobble feel like a permanent truth. And that's why the right room matters so much, because the right room interrupts that spiral. It brings you back to reality, back to perspective, back to courage, back to motion. Sometimes community does not only support your growth, sometimes it restores it. Sometimes it reconnects you to something you hadn't lost completely, but had stopped being able to access on your own. And that's no small thing. So if you've been trying to do too much of life alone, let this be your reminder. You were never meant to hold absolutely everything by yourself. We are on this planet with other people for a reason. Yes, solitude has its place. Yes, independence can be valuable. Yes, self-leadership is empowerment. It matters. And so does support. So does truth. So does being seen, being challenged, belonging, feeling joy, being with the right people at the right time. Because the right community doesn't only feel good to be in, it changes what becomes possible for you. It's amazing. If this resonated with you and you're craving a space where you can connect, you can be seen, you can tell the truth, and create what matters most to you, the soft strength salon might be the right place for you. I created it for the woman who knows she's not meant to do all of this alone. The woman who's ready for deeper conversation, real support, powerful self-reflection, a stronger voice, greater self-trust, and the kind of the community that not only feels nourishing, but changes her life.

unknown 26:24

Whew!

SPEAKER_00 26:25

I just love the salon so much. I can't tell you how much I love the salon. Been running it for years. I have women re-enroll over and over and over. They love it too. Such a beautiful space. If you're not ready for that level of depth yet, or you just want a beautiful place to begin, we also have two complementary blueprints available for you. One's called the Unshakable Woman Blueprint, and the other one's called Success was the warm-up. Both have been created to support women in different and often overlapping seasons of leadership and life. We're going to pop all the links in the notes. Take what speaks to you, take the next step that fits. But please don't underestimate the power of the right room. It might be the very thing that helps you remember who you are and to move towards the creation of your next dream, your next desire, your vision, your goal. Thank you for being here today. Oh, it was such a good episode today. I hope you enjoyed it. You have anything to share, please reach out and let me know. Until next time, keep expanding, creating, and leading yourself and others. Enjoy the rest of your day.