Are You Burning Out as a Leader? Five Causes and One Fix for Each.

What if the exhaustion you are feeling has nothing to do with how hard you are working - and everything to do with five very specific, very fixable things?

Leadership burnout is one of the most common, and least talked about, experiences in the lives of high-achieving women. It shows up as chronic fatigue, anxiety, irritability, and that hollow feeling that used to come only on Sunday nights but now arrives on Tuesday mornings too.

In this episode, Janelle Ryan gets honest about the real reasons leaders burn out. Not the surface stuff. The deeper patterns that keep smart, capable, dedicated professionals running on empty - often without even realising how depleted they have become.

If you have ever sat in your car after a meeting and wondered what on earth you are doing... if you have performed confidence while privately questioning everything... if you feel lonely at the top in a way you would never admit out loud... this episode is for you.

Some of what Janelle covers will surprise you. One cause has nothing to do with your workload. Another is something almost every leader experiences but almost nobody admits to. And the one that tends to hit hardest? It has a name, but most leaders never say it out loud.

Each of the five comes with one practical thing you can try today. Not someday. Today.

Plus, Janelle shares details of Own The Room, a free live immersion for women who want to walk into any room with more confidence, presence and ease. CLICK HERE for details. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Welcome to or welcome back to Sky High Coaching Conversations. I'm Janelle Orion, and today I want to go somewhere a little raw with you. If you're a leader, a high achiever, or someone who holds a lot in their life, this episode might just stop you in your tracks. Now I'm going to begin with a few sentences and I invite you to just listen. And I invite you to notice, honestly notice, whether any of them feel uncomfortably familiar. No matter how many hours I put in, I'll never get through my to-do list. I would love to quit my job and move to a remote island away from everyone and everything. It's also pointless. I mean who really cares? I don't eat well and I don't sleep well. My friends gave up on me years ago. They grew tired of my work always coming first.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

I'm just so tired all the time. I wish I could sleep for a week. There are just too many changes. I don't think I can do this. So let me ask you this.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Have you ever heard yourself say any of those things? Maybe not out loud, maybe just quietly in the back of your mind, at the end of another long day when no one's watching. Now there's no judgment here, absolutely none, because almost every leader I have ever worked with has whispered at least one of those things to themselves at some point, and then they've told me. Let me ask you this, or let me invite you to think about this. If it takes you an entire weekend to recover from your working week, if you return from holidays already counting down to the next one, if you're spending less and less time with the people who matter most to you, if you've honestly forgotten what you used to do for fun, you may be on the road to leadership burnout, physical and mental exhaustion. And today I want to talk about five reasons that happens. Because once you name them, you can change them. And if this resonates, stay with me because I'm going to address each one and then I'm going to give you one practical thing you can try today. Not someday, today. Reason one self-doubt and imposter syndrome. The first reason leaders burn out is self-doubt, imposture syndrome, fraud complex, whatever you like to call it. And I want to take a moment with this one because I don't think we talk honestly enough about what it actually feels like. You worked for the role, you earned it through years of effort, sacrifice, and showing up. And then the day comes, you're in the seat you wanted to be in, and something shifts inside you. Because now everything feels more visible. Every decision you make is scrutinized, including by you. You find yourself rehearsing conversations before they happen and then replaying them after. You watch other people in the room and you assume they have it more together than you do. You act like you're confident while privately questioning whether you actually have any confidence. You're so scared you're gonna get fine found out you're a fraud, and someone's going to realize it. And for some leaders, it goes a little further than that. There's a quiet, nagging voice that says, I fluked that interview. I somehow pulled the wool over their eyes. And sooner or later, someone is going to figure that out. That is imposter syndrome at its most corrosive because it takes all of your experience and skill and work and says, none of that was real, you just got lucky. And living inside that story while trying to lead, to perform, to hold everything together is absolutely exhausting. And here's the part that makes it so exhausting: you can't let anyone see it. You hide it, you carry it alone. You smile in the meeting, and then you sit in your car afterwards and wonder what on earth you're doing. That internal performance, that constant gap between how you appear and how you feel is one of the most draining things a leader can experience. And it is far more common than anyone admits. So here's one thing you can try today. Trust in the people who trust in you. You were appointed into that role, most likely by a panel of people you deeply respect. They're smart. They weren't fooled and they weren't filling a seat. They chose you because they saw something in you that's real. Your job isn't to prove them right. Your job is to bring forward the strengths and gifts they already know you have. Confidence is not a prerequisite for stepping into your role fully, it's a byproduct of doing it. Reason two, limited communication skills. The second reason is one I'm deeply passionate about because it sits at the very heart of so much of my coaching and what I see quietly destroying leaders from the inside out. When communication breaks down between a leader and their team, the weight of that falls almost entirely, unfortunately, on the leader. Misunderstandings accumulate and trust erodes. So the leader compensates. Doing more, clarifying more, worrying more, all of which accelerates burnout. And here's where it gets particularly damaging. When a leader feels like communication is failing, the instinct is often to take back control, to step in, to oversee, to check, to follow up again and again and again. That, my friend, is micromanagement. And while it almost always comes from a genuine place, from care, from pressure, from wanting things to go well, it erodes the very thing the leader needs most: the trust and autonomy of their team. Nobody does their best work when someone's breathing down their neck. And the leader, they end up carrying everything because they've stopped trusting anyone else to carry any of it. But here's what I want you to hear. Most leaders who fall into this pattern aren't bad communicators. Sometimes they're just not asking the right questions and they're not creating enough space to truly deeply listen. You know, and I know, we all know, there's a difference between waiting for someone to finish speaking so you can respond and actually listening. And most of us, if we're honest, do far more of the former than the latter. When we actually listen, and I mean really listen, without an agenda, without formulating our response, without trying to fix or direct anything, something remarkable happens. Our team members feel seen, they feel trusted, they start to bring us their best thinking instead of just the answers they think we want to hear. Problems surface earlier before they come a crisis. And we as leaders get to put down the weight of feeling like we have to know and control everything because we start to realize we don't have to. We have a team. Here's one thing to try. Before your next one-to-one, design two or three open-ended questions. Questions that can't be answered with a yes or a no. Ask the question and then hold your tongue. Stick it to the roof of your mouth. Old coaching trick. And then don't feel the silence. May feel a little bit uncomfortable. Don't rescue them from the pause. Just listen. A mentor shared with me once that his grandmother taught him that listen and silent contain exactly the same letters. Listen, silent the same letters. We didn't think that was a coincidence. Maybe you agree. Write that down if you need to, because that one shift from performing listening to actively listening can change the entire dynamic between you and your team. Now, I want to stay on this theme of communication for a moment for those of you this is really resonating with. So many of the women I work with tell me something that goes beyond their teams. They tell me about the rooms they walk into. The meetings, the pictures, the negotiations, the networking events, the boardrooms. They tell me they know what they want to say, they know they're capable, but somewhere between the door and the table, something inside them shifts. They become more careful, more self-conscious, more aware of every move they make and every word they choose. And they watch others in the room with no more talent or experience than them carry themselves with this quiet ease. And they wonder, what do they have that I don't? The answer isn't confidence in the way we usually think about it. It's presence. And presence isn't something you either have or you don't, it's something that you can learn. Which is why I want to tell you about something I'm running. It's called the own, it's called, excuse me, own the room. And it's a free live 90-minute immersion on Zoom, so you can be anywhere in the world and in your PJs on Wednesday, the 29th of April at 7 p.m. Australian Eastern Standard Time. And we're going to work on the three things that shape how you're read the moment you walk into any room. First impressions, body language, and voice. Not theory, not tips you can Google, real practical shifts live so you can feel the presence in your own body during the session. Because here's the thing: when you stop spending energy managing how you're perceived and start simply being present, that's when leadership stops exhausting you. We'll pop the link in the show notes. It's completely free. I'd love to see you there. If the date has passed when you are listening to this or you can't make it, let us know. We'll send you the recording. Reason three, ineffective time management, or is it? The third reason leaders burn out is what looks like time management. Missing deadlines, feeling perpetually behind, the sense that no matter how fast you run, you're always chasing. So of course, the natural response is: I need a time management course. I need a better system. I need to get more organized. Let me offer you something else. Because most of the time it's not a time problem, it's a focus problem. Because focus isn't just about sitting at your desk. Focus is about where your mind actually is while you're sitting there. Worrying about whether you're doing something perfectly isn't focus. Worrying about getting it wrong or messing it up, or whether it's as good as what your predecessor would have done isn't focus. Replaying a difficult conversation from two days ago while you're supposed to be writing a report, definitely not focus. And if you're not focused, you can't be doing your best work efficiently. It doesn't matter how good your calendar system is. So try this. When you notice your mind's wandered, and it will, we're all human, it's supposed to. Bring yourself back into the present moment using one or two of your senses. Drink a glass of water slowly and notice the temperature. Squeeze a stress ball. Feel the weight of your feet on the floor. Notice the sensation of your fingers on your keyboard. It sounds almost too simple. I know. But the research on this is clear, and my clients will tell you, and I will tell you, because I do it too, it works. Give it a try. You can't think your way back into focus. You have to feel your way back. Reason four, unrealistic self-expectation. I wrote an article a while ago called The Judgment You Fear Is Real. And at the center of it was a truth that I come back to again and again in my coaching work. The expectations we place on ourselves are tougher than anything anyone else could possibly place on us. Think about that for a moment. The harshest critic in your life is not your board. It's not your manager. It's not the person who sent you that difficult email last Tuesday. It's you. And when you step into a new leadership role, a role that's bigger, bolder, brighter, more exposed than anything you've ever held before, that inner critic gets loud. You feel like you should already know everything. You feel like everyone else has it more together. You feel like you should be more confident, more decisive, more polished right now, immediately, without any settling in period. And when you inevitably fall short of that impossible standard, because you will, everyone does. You don't just feel disappointed. You feel like there's evidence that you were never the right person for the job. That cycle is brutal, and it's one of the fastest roads to burnout, I know. So here's your reframe. Confidence is not a prerequisite for action, it is a result of it. We just talked about the confidence paradox a few moments ago. You don't wait until you feel ready and then act. You act imperfectly, bravely, one step at a time, and confidence builds in the doing. Give yourself permission to be in the becoming. High-five yourself for every small step forward. Not just the big wins, the small ones. Because your confidence and your knowledge are growing every single day, even on the days, especially on the days when it doesn't feel that way. Reason five. Oh, loneliness. Now we come to the one I want to spend a little extra time on because I think it's the most overlooked driver of leadership burnout. And the one that leaders are less likely. I should say least, least likely. That sounds better. The one that leaders are least likely to name out loud. Loneliness. The higher we move up the tree, the fewer peers we have. There are fewer people that we can be truly, unguardedly honest with. Because the further up you go, the more people are looking to you for answers. And there's a version of leadership that says, you must always have the answers. You must project certainty at all times. You must hold the vision, even when you privately can't see it yourself. And so you do. You show up, you lead, you hold it together in every meeting, every conversation, every decision. And then you go home and you sit alone in your office, or at the end of the day, and there's no one to put it down with. No one who truly understands the specific weight of what you carry. And that, my friend, is profoundly isolating. And it wears on you in ways that are really hard to articulate, even to yourself. I've worked with leaders who are surrounded by people all day long and are achingly lonely. I've worked with leaders who would never use the word lonely to describe themselves. Because somewhere along the way they decided that needing people was a vulnerability they couldn't afford. And ignoring it doesn't make you stronger. It makes you quieter about something that is slowly hollowing you out. Oh my gosh, I have felt this so deeply myself. I felt all of this deeply myself. Here's what I would love to suggest to you. Build yourself what I call a personal advisory board. A small intentional circle of people, mentors, coaches, fellow executives at other organizations that you can confide in. People you can bring real challenges to. People who will give you a fresh perspective, call you on your blind spots, and remind you that you are not the only one navigating this. These don't have to be formal arrangements. They can be a coffee catch-up once a month, a phone call when things get hard, or a standing relationship with a coach or a mentor who truly understands the landscape you're operating in. What matters is that they're real, they're honest with you, and they're in your corner. Because the most resilient leaders I know are not the ones who need the most resource. Excuse me. Because the most resilient leaders I know are not the ones who need the least support. They're the ones who've built the best support structures around them. And they're brave enough to use them. So let me bring this together for you. Leadership burnout isn't a weakness. It's not a sign you're in the wrong role or that you don't have what it takes. It's a signal, a signal that something needs attention. And the five things we've talked about today: self-doubt, communication, focus, self-expectation, and loneliness are not character flaws. They are patterns, human patterns, patterns that nearly every leader I have ever worked with has encountered in some form. And here's what I know with certainty: patterns can be shifted. Not overnight, not perfectly, but one small intentional step at a time. Before I go, I want to come back to own the room because I've been thinking about this episode and how connected it all is. So much of leadership burnout is compounded by one thing the sheer exhausting effort of managing how. You're perceived in rooms where you don't feel fully at home. Picture this. You're about to walk into a boardroom or a pitch or a room full of people you don't know. And before you've said a single word, before anyone has ever looked up, you feel yourself become smaller, more careful, more aware of your hands, your face, your voice, where to stand, what to do with yourself. And in that moment, all of your energy, the energy you need for your ideas, your presence, your leadership is being quietly consumed by self-consciousness. Own the room is my answer to that. It's free, it's live, it's a 90-minute immersion. And we're going to work on exactly what happens in those moments. First impressions, body language, voice, the way you carry yourself before you've even spoken, the subtle signals your body is sending that you may not even know you're sending. It's not theory, it's not a most motivational talk. You're going to be guided through real practical shifts live so you can feel the difference during the session yourself. Because when you own the room, not by being the loudest, not by performing confidence, but by being genuinely, quietly settled in yourself, leadership stops draining you. It starts energizing you. And that is the version of leadership I want for you. Until next time, keep expanding, creating, and leading. Take care of yourself. You matter. The people you lead need you well. And so do you. Enjoy the rest of your day. Bye bye.