How to Build Resilience When You’re Creating Something New

What does it really take to keep going when you are creating something bigger for your life, work, family, leadership, relationships or next chapter?

In this episode of Sky High Coaching Conversations, Janelle Ryan explores resilience, not as pushing through, pretending everything is fine or doing it all alone, but as the capacity to stay connected to your vision when the path becomes uncomfortable, uncertain or bigger than you expected.

If you have a big dream, a quiet desire, a new direction or a goal that matters deeply to you, this conversation will help you think differently about setbacks, support, cheerleaders, decision-making, adaptability, optimism and the small practices that help you keep moving.

This is an episode for anyone who is creating something more and wants to build the resilience to stay with it.

Your Complimentary Gifts

The Unshakeable Woman Blueprint is for the high-performing woman who is ready to stop over-preparing, over-proving and questioning whether she belongs in the room.

Success Was The Warm-Up is for the accomplished woman who has built so much already and is now asking, “What’s next for me?”

The Soft Strength Salon

If this episode speaks to the season you are in, The Soft Strength Salon is my six-month immersion for intelligent women who are creating something more for themselves, their family, their work, their relationships, their leadership or their next chapter.

Inside the Salon, you are supported to build the resilience, clarity and courage to keep moving, especially when the path feels uncertain, uncomfortable or bigger than you expected.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, welcome back, or welcome to Sky High Coaching Conversations. I'm Janelle Ryan. I am so happy you decided to join me today. As always, I invite you to listen along, note down anything that comes up for you, and then when the episode is over, you can decide what you may wish to do with those thoughts, those ideas, those insights. Today we're going to open a conversation about resilience. In 2017, I was invited to submit a chapter on resilience for a book that was being published in the UK called The Book of Success: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Success. And the subtitle is The Secrets to a Successful and Fulfilling Life. Now, why would they have wanted? Why would they have wanted a chapter on resilience for a book about success? Well, that's what we're going to dive into today. My beautiful friend, if you have a big dream, a vision, a goal, a change you want to make, or something you're quietly or maybe not so quietly working towards, you're going to need resilience. Maybe you're already on the way. You might have already turned the dream into a clear vision. You might have taken the first step, had the conversation, booked the course, started the business, applied for the role, begun the training, opened your heart to love again, or finally admitted to yourself that the life you're living is no longer the full expression of who you are. If this is you and the situation you're in, oh my gosh, congratulations. I deeply acknowledge you truly because stepping onto your own path is one of the most amazing, frightening, exciting, exhilarating, and sometimes deeply uncomfortable things you'll ever do. You may already know it can feel energizing one moment and completely overwhelming the next. One day you're 100% convinced it's all happening. And the next day you're wondering who on earth you thought you were to even try. This is why resilience matters. Now, when I talk about resilience, I'm not talking about pretending everything is fine. I'm not talking about pushing through at any cost, ignoring your body, overriding your emotions, or plastering a motivational quote over a very real disappointment. I define resilience as the capacity to bounce back, work through challenges, move through setbacks, and keep going with your heart still open and your eyes still on the bigger vision, the dream. And the bigger the dream, my beautiful friend, the more resilience you're going to need. Because there will be setbacks, there will be failures, there will be obstacles you didn't see coming. You will procrastinate. You will have days when it all feels too hard. You will have moments where your comfort zone starts looking very attractive, even if it's not where you actually want to live. Now the good news. The good news is that we are all born with a certain amount of resilience. Woohoo! We have all made it through things we once thought we couldn't. You know this to be true. And the even better news is that resilience is something we can nurture, practice, and strengthen. So today I want to share some of the ways we can do that. So let's go. One of the first is positivity. And I want to be really clear here because positivity can sometimes get a little bit of a terrible reputation and for good reason. I'm not talking about toxic posity. I'm not talking about ignoring what is difficult or pretending a situation is wonderful when it is clearly not. I am talking about the ability to acknowledge what has happened and still look for what is available. Life loves throwing us little unexpected surprises. Technology fails, clients leave, you leave clients. Weather interferes with interferes with an event or training. You get stuck in traffic at the worst possible time, you apply for a promotion, you're unsuccessful, the printer jams, right, when you need it most, because apparently printers can smell pressure, right? When something goes wrong, acknowledge the frustration. But also train yourself to ask, what else is true here? Yes, the system crashed, but the membership database remains intact. Yes, that client has moved on, but now there's room for someone more aligned. Yes, the event did not go exactly to plan, but something valuable may still come from it. Yes, I was unsuccessful applying when I applied for this role. And yes, a role that is better for me may be waiting for me in the future. In fact, it probably is. That's why I kind of tripped over my words there. Because I don't think it's May, I think it is. Now, this is not about sugar coating, it's about widening the lens. Okay? Widening the lens. Another way we build resilience is by becoming someone who lives to learn. There is a saying I absolutely love. Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn. It sounds simple, but it is incredibly powerful when you actually live it. When something doesn't go the way you hoped, you have a choice. You can obsess over the problem or you can get curious about what the situation is teaching you. What needs to change? What did you miss? What would you do differently next time? What skill is this asking you to build? What conversation have you been avoiding? Which part of you is ready to grow? That kind of curiosity keeps you moving, it turns failure into feedback, and it stops a setback becoming a full stop. Something I do with my clients, and if you've worked with me before, you will know this. I encourage them to fail big, fail fast so we can learn from it and get it behind us. Another beautiful resilience practice is opening your heart. When we practice kindness, generosity, and compassion, it does something inside us. It reminds us we're connected. It reminds us that we're not here simply to achieve, produce, strive, and tick things off the list. We're here to live, relate, contribute, and care. Acts of kindness don't need to be grand. Send the message, offer the encouragement, let someone merge in front of you in traffic. Check in on the person who's gone quiet. Give the compliment that you're thinking. Don't let it stay in your head. When we do things for others, it lifts our own sense of well-being too. And when we feel more connected and well within ourselves, we're far less likely to feel flattened by every challenge that comes our way. Then there's gratitude. Gratitude is one of those things we all know is good for us, right? But it's very easy to forget when we're busy, stretched, or focused on what is not yet working or disappointed. But when you're working towards a big vision, gratitude helps you remember that your life is not sitting in a waiting room until the dream arrives. There are things to appreciate right here, right now. What are you grateful for in your personal life? What are you grateful for in your professional life? What are you grateful for in your body, your home, your relationships, your work, your opportunities, your courage? You might want to jot them down in a journal. You might want to create a vision board. You might send a daily gratitude message to a friend. Something my husband and I used to do with the kids at dinner every single night was we would pause and name three things that went well. And you can just do this yourself at the end of the day when you're climbing into bed. What are three things that went well today? Or what are three things I'm grateful or appreciative for? Now the thing is, the method actually matters far less than the practice. Do it any way that suits you. Gratitude brings your attention back to what is already supporting you. And that's going to help with your resilience. And of course, we need to talk about physical and emotional health. This one is so important, especially when you're spending energy bringing a vision into reality. The last thing you want is to run yourself into the ground while trying to create a bigger, bolder, richer, more meaningful life. A resilient body and mind needs the basics: sleep, nourishing food, movement, stillness, space to process. Time when you are not producing, performing, solving, or responding. And believe me, I know doing nothing can feel very uncomfortable for high performing people. It can feel lazy, it can feel inefficient, it can feel like something you will get to after everything else is done, which of course sometimes means never. But when we're doing nothing, here's the thing. When we're doing nothing, the brain is not doing nothing. It's processing, filing, sorting, cleaning up, connecting dots, making sense of what's happened. You may want to practice that stillness in meditation, sitting in the garden, walking without headphones, staring at the ocean, or maybe having a cup of tea without turning it into a product of productivity. I always trip over that word, productivity meeting with yourself. I know someone, I have a fellow coach who's a friend, and she told me that she had one of her best ideas drinking a cup of tea while looking out the window. Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what allows you to keep going. Bit of a paradox, really, isn't it? Humor is another one, and I love this because laughing in the face of adversity can be deeply healing. Now, not always immediately, of course, because sometimes something happens and it is simply not funny yet. But when we can find even a tiny thread of humor, it can loosen the grip of stress. So when you feel able to, maybe you can say something like, Well, this is not ideal, but it will make an excellent story one day. That little bit of humor can give you a breath of space. It reminds you that this moment is not the whole of your life. If you're a traveler like my husband and I, you probably already know that those things that go wrong on your travels are usually the best stories when you get back home. Flexibility and adaptability are also essential because when you start moving towards something new, and I want you to hear this, you don't know what you don't know. Get it? You know this to be true. You will have experienced this your entire life. When you start moving towards something new, you do not know what you do not know. Businesses change as they grow. Athletes suffer injuries they didn't anticipate. People looking for love find themselves on both sides of heartbreak. You land the role you thought you wanted and realized, oh, it wasn't the right move after all. The plan you created at the beginning may not be the plan that gets you to the end. This isn't a sign you're failing, it's part of the process. Resilience asks us to roll with the changes without abandoning the vision. It asks us to adjust, reassess, learn, grow, and keep listening. Sometimes the dream stays the same, but the path changes. Sometimes the path teaches you that the dream itself has evolved. Optimism matters too. The most successful people I know are not necessarily the people who never struggle. They're the people who believe the future still holds possibility. They keep going because somewhere within them they trust that things can work out. They understand that setbacks are temporary even when they're painful. They see obstacles as part of the terrain, not proof they should turn around. Now, optimism doesn't mean you never have a bad day. It means you don't let a bad day make permanent decisions on behalf of your future. Then there is decisiveness. As human beings, human becomings, human evolvings, feeling stuck makes us feel very uncomfortable, doesn't it? And that's because we're designed to move, grow, create. And often the thing that restores our energy is not necessarily having the perfect answer or knowing, you know, the perfect direction to go in, but making a clear decision. You know, when you're stuck in indecision and it feels terrible and you get to the point where you think, I'm just making a decision, I don't care if it's right or not. I just need to move. And you feel better, you feel relief. That's because we are made to move. It's the indecision that creates the discomfort. Decisions create movement, they give you something to work with, they return a sense of agency. And guess what? You're not always going to make the right decision. None of us do. If and when that happens, learn from it and change course. That's it. And that is very different from sitting in indecision for months or years waiting for a certainty to arrive before you take the next step. Knowing your values is another powerful way to strengthen resilience. We all have an internal compass, and that compass is made up of our values. Your values tell you what matters most to you right now, not what should matter, not what used to matter, not what someone else told you should matter, what actually matters to you in this season of your life. So sit down and ask yourself, what are my top five values as at today? And a little bit of a spoiler alert, I'm going to give you the first one. The first one is you or me. Right? You are your number one top value. Then what's next? Is it freedom, integrity, family, adventure, health, creativity, security, growth, love, contribution or something else? When you know your values and begin to live in alignment with them, it becomes much harder for life's circumstances to knock you completely off course. You may still be challenged, absolutely, but you're less likely to abandon yourself in the middle of the challenge. And please breathe. I know that sounds simple, but it's one of the most useful things you can do when things start piling up. Imagine this. Your train is delayed, so you're 15 minutes late to work. You realize the report you've been procrastinating on is due in 30 minutes. If you don't hand it in on time, your boss is not going to be happy, and you are worried it could affect your upcoming opportunity. So you put your head down and you bang out the work. It's mediocre at best, but it's done. You send it to print because your boss insists on having everything by hard copy, and you race to the machine. From a meter away, you can see the red light blinking. Someone has jammed the machine and walked away, and you see red. And suddenly, this is no longer about a printer. This is about your entire life. This is about every decision you've ever made. This is about humanity. This is about the person, no, no, all the people who jam the printer and leave the scene of the crime like criminals. Right? Emotions are high, intelligent thinking is not. When small glitches happen in rapid succession, it can feel like the whole day is landing on top of you. You can yell, you can stamp your feet, you can mentally write a very strongly worded email to the entire office about printer etiquette. Or you can move away from the situation, even five steps, and breathe. Take a few slow deep breaths in and out. Let your body register that you're not in actual physical danger. Let your mind come back online. Any yogi will tell you that the power of breathing is wildly underestimated. And you may be amazed by how much more able you feel after even two minutes. Less. Communication skills also affect resilience more than most people realize. No matter what you're pursuing, 99.99999% of the time, you are going to need to communicate with other people. You may need to ask for help. You may need to create boundaries. You may need to explain your needs or have difficult conversations or negotiate or give feedback or receive feedback. Maybe you're selling your work, sharing your ideas, or maybe you're required to tell the truth when it would be much easier to stay quiet. Your relationships can either support your resilience or drain it. That's why it's worth developing your written, verbal, and nonverbal communication skills. Not so you can control every conversation, no one wants that, but so you can express yourself clearly while still honoring the relationship. And then call on your support system. Working towards a personal or professional goal, and I want you to hear this because it's so true, can be incredibly lonely. Even when people love you, then you may not fully understand what you are building or who you're becoming. And when things are tough, it's very easy to feel isolated, defeated, or like you should be able to handle this all by yourself. Please don't try to do it alone. Choose your cheerleaders and spend regular time with them. These are the people who believe in you, sometimes even more than you believe in yourself. They're excited for you. They remind you who you are when you forget. They don't need you to shrink, so they feel more comfortable. They're willing to cheer you on, celebrate your progress, and sit beside you when things feel hard. When it comes to professional goals, seek support from mentors, coaches, advisors, peers, partners, and people who can help you see what you cannot yet see about yourself, about the situation. And please choose carefully. The right people will not take the dream away from you. They will help you rise into it. Another piece is mindful media. Be aware of what you're viewing, reading, and listening to, especially when your resilience feels low. What you consume affects how you feel. It affects what you believe is possible. It affects how you see yourself and your future. So again, choose wisely. Read the book that's uplifting. Listen to the podcast that expands your thinking. Watch the film about someone. Overcoming adversity. Play the music you love, the music that brings you back to yourself. Fill your mind with things that support where you're going, not things that quietly convince you to give up. And please celebrate your successes. As you move towards your vision, there will be wins along the way. Some will be obvious and some will be very quiet. Some will look tiny from the outside, but feel enormous to you because you know what it took to get there. Acknowledge them. Let yourself enjoy them. Do not rush past the moment because there's more to do. There'll always be more to do. Every success, small or large, is evidence. Evidence that you're moving, evidence that something is changing, evidence that you can do this. And we want to celebrate that and we want to anchor it into our body so our body remembers what that felt like, that success, and goes looking for it again. And finally, determination. Never give up. Or perhaps more accurately, never give up on yourself. Now the form of the dream may change. The timeline may change. The path may change. You may need to rest. You may need support. You may need to adjust the plan. But please do not mistake a hard day, a hard season, or a hard lesson for a sign that you're not meant for the thing you desire. If it has come from you, it is for you. Resilience is not about becoming hard, it's about staying connected to yourself, your values, your vision, and your capacity to keep choosing the next aligned step. So, my beautiful friend, let me ask you this. What can you do to build your resilience today? Not next month, not when life gets less busy, not when everything is perfect and calm and rainbows and puppies and sunshine and beautifully organized. Today could you breathe before reacting? Could you make one decision you've been avoiding? Could you ask for help? Could you move your body? Could you rest your body? Could you write down what you're grateful for? Could you find the lesson in something that didn't go to plan? Could you celebrate a success instead of diminishing it? Because your dream does not only need your excitement, it needs your resilience. It needs the version of you who can keep returning, keep learning, keep adjusting, and keep going. Now, my beautiful friend, if this conversation has stirred something in you, I would love to invite you into the next step. If you're a high-performing woman who's ready to feel more confident, speak up sooner, stop over-preparing, stop over proving, and lead yourself with more quiet, unshakable strength. The unshakable woman blueprint is for you. And if you're an accomplished woman who's built so much already and now finds yourself wondering, oh my gosh, what's next for me? Then success was the warm-up is for you. That blueprint will help you begin exploring the next chapter with more clarity, honesty, and possibility. Now, both these blueprints are complimentary. They are gifts from me, and you will find the links in the show notes. Now, if you're ready to be in a room with women who are also expanding into more of who they are, then I invite you to explore the soft strength salon. The salon is my six-month immersion for intelligent women who are creating something more for themselves, their work, their relationships, their family, their leadership. Their next chapter. It's a room for the woman with a vision, a desire, a dream, or a quiet knowing that life is asking more of her now. I'll help you create that vision if you're not sure what it is. Inside the salon, you're supported to build the resilience, clarity, and courage to keep moving, especially when the path feels uncertain, uncomfortable, or bigger than you expected. This is not about doing it all alone or trying to prove you're strong enough. It's about being surrounded by women who will cheer you on, call you forward, celebrate your wins, sit with you through the messy middle, and remind you that what you're creating reminds you of what you're creating when you temporarily forget. Because resilience is powerful. And you don't have to build it alone. You'll find the invitation to the salon in the show notes too. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I hope this episode reminded you that you're not behind, you're not failing, you're not required to have the whole path mapped out before you begin. You simply need to keep taking the next step. Until we meet again, keep expanding, creating, and leading, and enjoy the rest of your day. Bye.