Are Your Words Working Against You? How Language Shapes Confidence, Relationships, Leadership and What’s Possible.

The words you say to yourself and others are not neutral.

They shape your confidence, your leadership, your relationships, your decisions and the way you meet the moments that matter the most to you.

In this episode of Sky High Coaching Conversations, Janelle Ryan draws on more than a decade of coaching leaders, business owners and high-performing professionals to explore how language influences the way we show up, speak up, hold back, over-explain, avoid, don our armour and lead.

This is not about being positive for the sake of it. It is about becoming more aware of the language that is quietly running the show, and learning what to do instead.

If you are ready to hear yourself more clearly, lead yourself more powerfully and stop letting old phrases shape your next chapter, this conversation is for you.

Choose Your Next Step

Join me for Unlocked, my free online masterclass, and bring the thing you want that still feels out of reach.

Download your complimentary blueprints - Unshakeable Woman and Success Was the Warmup, and explore The Soft Strength Salon for deeper coaching on the dreams and desires you want to bring to life.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Hello, welcome to or welcome back to Sky High Coaching Conversations. I'm Janelle Ryan. I'm so happy you decided to join me today. As always, listen along, note down any insight, any thought that comes up for you. And then after this episode is over, you can decide what you might like to do with those insights. Today we're talking about the power of language. If you have been a client of mine currently or in the past in any capacity, you may be rolling your eyes right now because you have a very good understanding of the importance I place on language. And uh you've hit play to this episode knowing what it's about. So you're obviously ready for more. Today I'm going to start with a question for you. Do any of these phrases feel familiar? It's so hard. I'm fighting against the fear. This is a crisis. I just know this conversation is going to be confrontational. I keep hitting a barrier. There will be good days and there will be bad days. I'm just not confident enough to do that. Now, these are only words, right? Maybe, maybe not. So, as I said, today we're going to talk about language. Not in a perfectionistic, let's police every word you say kind of way. Not in a, you're not allowed to say anything negative kind of way, and definitely not in a way that turns your words into one more thing you need to get right in this life. Because that's exhausting, and we're not doing that. This is not about pretending everything is easy, wonderful, champagne, puppies, and rainbows, or high vibes, when sometimes it clearly isn't. Life is going to continue to offer moments that stretch you, moments that ask more of you, moments that invite you to meet yourself in a completely new way. So our practice isn't to deny those moments. They're going to happen. The practice is to notice whether the language you're using is helping you meet them with more clarity, more choice, and more calm. Because here's the thing, my beautiful friend: your words give instructions. They give instructions to your attention, they give instructions to your body, they give instructions to the part of you that decides whether you're available, resourced, open, ready, or whether you need to brace, defend, fight, and protect. And this is why language is not only a mindset practice. This is self-leadership. It's body awareness, it's a window into the relationship you're having with your own power. When you say this is going to be hard, your mind starts gathering evidence to make you right, to make it so. And as it finds that evidence, your body begins to tense. And now your energy is being directed towards endurance. This is something I have to endure, rather than creativity. When you say something like, I'm fighting against fear, your nervous system hears battle language. It prepares for conflict. It starts, you start donning your armor, maybe even grabbing a sword. Now, in that moment, you may think you're being brave, and I promise you, in many ways you are. But a lot of your energy is now being used for protection rather than presence. When you call something a crisis, you may unintentionally place yourself inside a story where you're overwhelmed, powerless, or already behind. And maybe it isn't a crisis. Maybe it's an event, a situation, a moment, maybe it's a decision, a conversation, or a season that you're learning how to navigate. When you decide a conversation will be confrontational, you may walk into that room already wearing armor. Your tone changes. Your ability to actively listen changes. Your face changes. I know I remember being in a job years ago, and my boss, we came out of a meeting that was not going in a way I wanted it to go, and my boss was in the meeting too. And afterwards, he sat me down and said, You have to watch your face. All your expressions come out on your face. Everyone in that meeting knew how displeased you were. Your face, something I've actively worked on. Your face changes, and the other person feels that, even if you're saying all the right words. And suddenly the conversation you feared begins to become the conversation you predicted, and guess what? You helped to create. Not obsession, not judgment, attention. Because your words shape how you meet the moment before the moment has even arrived. And this is especially important in business, leadership, relationships, and life transitions, because so many of the moments that ask more of us already create tension inside us. Right? Asking for the fee, asking for the pay rise, naming the boundary, asking someone out on a date, sharing the idea, giving the feedback, saying no, saying yes, admitting you want something different, letting yourself be seen wanting more. If the language around those moments is full of force, fear, resistance, or apology, you may walk into them already feeling tense, defensive, or unsure or uncertain. You may shrink, you might over-explain. Oh my gosh, you may people please. You may delay, over-prepare. You might try to control the outcome. Or you might over-correct. Or your tone may become sharper than you intended it or wanted it to. Because somewhere inside you, you decided you needed to protect yourself. But guess what? The beautiful news, the great news, the good news. If we're using language, let's use it all. There's another way. Yay! You can begin to use language that helps you meet the moment with more clarity, choice, and a quiet strength. Language that helps you show up the way you actually want to show up. And I'm not talking about fake language or fluffy language. I'm not talking about language that denies what is real. I'm talking about language that gives you access to choice, breath, clarity, and quiet strength. So this is so hard might become, this is important, and I can take the next step. I'm fighting against fear, might become fear is here. And you know what? I can meet it with curiosity. This is a crisis that might become, you know what, this is a moment, this is a situation that requires my attention. This conversation will be confrontational, may become, this conversation may be honest, clear, useful, and real. I keep hitting a barrier, might become, okay, let me find another way through. There will be good days and bad days, might become, there will be days with more energy and days with less, and you know what? I can honor both. And I'm not confident enough, might become confidence will grow as I move. Did you hear and notice the difference? The second version doesn't deny the stretch, it doesn't pretend you're suddenly fearless, certain, or endlessly calm. It simply stops handing all your power to the problem. And I think this is the real invitation, not to be endlessly positive. Phew, that's exhausting. To be precise. Because positive thinking can be can become another performance, can't it? Another way to silence what's actually true and real, another way to tell yourself that you should be above the very human experience of fear, discomfort, disappointment, uncertainty, or desire. And I know I've thought that way before. Precise language is different. Precise language asks, what is actually happening here? Is it really a crisis or is it a decision? Is it really confrontation or is it an important conversation? Is it really a barrier or is it a place where your usual strategy has reached its limit? The thinking that got you here may not be the thinking that gets you there. And are you truly not confident enough? Or are you waiting to feel certain before you let yourself begin? And that's such a big one, isn't it? Because so often we tell ourselves, I'm not confident enough. But sometimes what we really mean is, I don't want to feel exposed, or I don't want to get it wrong, or I don't want to be judged, or I don't want to find out what happens if I actually back myself. And those are very different sentences. The words you choose can either close the opportunity or open it. They can make you feel trapped, or they can remind you that there are options. They can keep you in the old identity, or they can help you inhabit the next one. And this is where the practice becomes powerful. I invite you to begin listening to the phrases you use often. Not so you can judge yourself, but so you can understand those words are revealing. Where are you making something heavier than it needs to be? Where are you calling something a battle when it might be a conversation? Where are you describing yourself as powerless when you are actually in a moment of choice? Where you're saying, I can't, when the more honest sentence might be, I haven't learned how yet, or I haven't decided if I'm ready, or I'm afraid of what might change if I do. And that last one is often the doorway. Because sometimes the language we use keeps us close to a version of ourselves we've outgrown. It lets us stay busy with the problem instead of telling the truth about the actual desire. Your desire to lead with more influence. Your desire to stop editing yourself in rooms where your voice is needed, your desire to ask for more money, your desire to create a new chapter, your desire to feel more like yourself in your own life, your desire to find and experience love. Your desire to stop waiting until you feel perfectly ready. And now, of course, here's the thing: changing your language will not magically change everything overnight. It doesn't mean that you're never going to feel fear, pressure, grief, or irritation or uncertainty ever again. You're human. Welcome to the human race. All of that gets to come with you. Oh, the joy. But changing your language can change the way you meet those moments. It can help you soften, breathe, and see it more clearly. It can remind you that you have choices. And it can help you stop giving your power away to words that were never neutral. So the question I want to leave you with is this Is your language supporting who you're becoming? And if your answer is, not always, beautiful. That's not a problem. That is awareness. And awareness is where the next choice begins. And I invite you to begin gently. Listen for the words that tighten your body. Listen for the phrases that make a situation feel smaller, heavier, or more frightening than it needs to be. Then ask yourself what is a truer, cleaner, more powerful way to say this? Not prettier, but truer. Because the words you use are part of how you lead yourself. And the way you lead yourself is part of how you create what comes next. And please enjoy playing with this. Life is meant to be fun. This doesn't have to become another serious self-improvement project where you walk around monitoring every sentence that comes out of your mouth. Let it be light. Let it be curious. Let it become something you notice with a smile. And I see that in my clients. They start to tell me something, and then this little smile appears on their face, and they pause and they change their language. So I invite you to do this too. Oh, there I go, calling it a crisis again. Oh, there I go, preparing for a battle before I've even had the conversation. Oh, there I go again, telling myself I'm not confident enough, where maybe I'm simply being invited to start, to begin, to step in. That's the work. Not getting it perfect, not getting it right, simply noticing, choosing, and leading yourself with a little more honesty and a little more care. Have fun with it. Now, my beautiful friend, if this conversation resonated with you and you're beginning to notice how the words you say to yourself and others may be shaping your confidence, decisions, and sense of what's possible, I've got two complementary blueprints that may serve you beautifully. The unshakable woman blueprint is for the intelligent, high-performing woman who's ready to stop over-preparing, over-explaining, and quietly questioning whether she belongs in the room. Now, this blueprint is going to help you notice the inner language that keeps you second-guessing yourself. And you can begin leading yourself with more clarity, presence, and quiet unshakable strength. And it's my gift to you. Now, success was the warm-up is for the accomplished woman who has built the life that once upon a time she imagined, and now she's realizing another chapter is calling. So this blueprint is going to help you listen more closely to the words, desires, and quiet truths rising within you now so that you can begin to create what's important in this next season of your life. And it's also my gift to you. You'll find the links in the show notes. And now, they're flee, uh, flee, they're flea. They're, I'll say complimentary. They are complimentary blueprints you download, you work through on your own. If you're ready to go deeper, if you're ready to be in a room with me, if you want it to be with other people also, the soft strength salon is where we work with this in real time. Not as a theory, but in the conversations, decisions, and dynamics where your language, power, body, desire, and self-trust meet. Because your words are not simply words, they're part of the way you come home to yourself, hold your ground and create what comes next. Or if this feels like something you prefer to explore privately, you're also welcome to inquire about private one-to-one coaching. We'll pop both those links in the show notes as well. Thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so much for listening. I hope this gives you something useful, something practical, and maybe even something a little playful to take into your day. Until next time, keep expanding, creating, and leading, and I'll catch you again on the airwaves. Enjoy the rest of your day. Bye.