Broken, Battered, Scarred: Healing Through the Worst Parts

What happens when life breaks you… but you refuse to stay broken?

In this powerful episode of The Blinded Truth Podcast, host Destinnee Vance sits down with special guest Danny Cox, who shares his raw, unfiltered journey through pain, trauma, and the darkest moments of his life. From feeling battered and scarred by life’s hardest hits to finding purpose in the healing process, Danny’s story is one of resilience, accountability, and transformation.

This conversation dives deep into what it really looks like to face the worst parts of yourself and your past, and still choose growth. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your pain, questioned your worth, or wondered if healing is even possible, this episode is for you.

This is more than a story. This is proof that healing is possible, even when you feel completely shattered.

Tap in, lean in, and don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe to join a community committed to truth, healing, and growth.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome, y'all. Welcome. Now y'all gotta give me the same energy y'all gave X. Welcome, welcome. Listen, this is truly an honor to have so many of us in one space that it's a safe space and that we can actually do this and actually bring in our residents from Anderson Associates and other individuals into this space. Like, this is really awesome to have this many people in this space. They have not seen this many people in this space. So I am so happy and honored to have each and every one of you here. My name is Destiny Vance. I am your host for tonight and the host for the Blinded Truth Podcast. I am a registered crisis certified peer recovery specialist, and I am also the grant outreach coordinator for Partnership for Community Wellness. I have here my co-host, and I'm gonna allow him to introduce himself.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Um, good evening, everyone. My name is Eric Foster. I'm a certified peer recovery specialist, an integrated forensic peer recovery specialist, career mentor for TAP pathways, and I'm an adult ambassador for partnership community wellness.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Yeah. So yeah, class. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

And I'm also a person in long-term recovery.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

So when we first talked about doing this podcast and we met with Bear, he said, Who do you have that can really engage with the audience and really, really, really like have a true, raw, authentic story that can relate to your audience? And I looked at each other and we was like, Danny, that that is hands down, no questions asked, Danny, because I have Danny, and what I can say is that, and I won't introduce, I'm gonna let Eric introduce, but he is a true boots to the ground person. Like, I have seen him never forget where he came from. He will help anybody that he can. Um, and he does not give up on anybody. Where there's been situations where I'll be like, I don't know what to tell you. And then he's like, I got this, I can handle this. Um, so Eric, you actually have a different relationship with Danny, and I'm gonna have you go ahead and highlight and introduce him.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

I'm trying, I'm over, I'm over here fighting it. I'm over here fighting it. Um all right. Um I came to Roanoke in 2023 with a suitcase and backpack. Um and I got to the 12th and I didn't I didn't know which way my life was gonna go. I just know I didn't want to go back to prison. Um I finished the pulling back up. Well, a couple days, I believe Danny was off of work, and I kept hearing his name being said. Um and I didn't I didn't know what the face would be about the name. I didn't know how it would match up. But when he came to the door on that Monday, I was I was glad to see who it was um because he didn't he didn't look like what I thought he would look like. Uh I I was judging the book by his cover before I even seen the book. And into my um into my knowledge now, Danny, man, um I I I watched Danny from a distance. Um when I met Danny, um I listened to him, he was very knowledgeable, but he wasn't a person that I can get up close with because what he had, I wanted it, and I couldn't see it if I was close to him. I had to watch him and see how he moved and what he was doing to make his life better. And um when I was at the 12, he asked uh uh the residents there to be a part of his video to become a registered peer, and I was a part of that. And that day is the day I decided I also want to be a peer myself. Um because um he actually made I wouldn't tell you this if we were outside, but she actually made recovery look cool. Um it's pretty cool, it is, it is because um we used to come through with the boots, the t-shirts, the hoodies, and all the doctor the Dr.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Martin boots, y'all. The Dr.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Martin then hit you with a pair of van boots here and there. Um it just it just gave me some uh it just inspired me to um just be the best version of myself. And and you also taught me that um it's always principles over personalities, man. Um because in my journey, I've I've ran across a lot of people that I couldn't see eye to eye with, but I can understand, you know, and I give them the same love and the same treatment because what you did show me was if somebody needs you, you show up and you give it your all. And um you barely take no for an answer. Um, and you, I guess, are living testimony of that because you're sitting here with us. And um, I said it's an honor just to be in um someone that knows you, but it's also an honor being your friend. Um, and this won't be the last time you see me because after this uh podcast, I plan on making a bomb with you um and getting to know you a little better as a person. Um, I think I watched you long enough, and I just want to thank you for everything you've given me. I love that. Thank you, man.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

So this episode we named Broken, Battered, and Scarred, Healing Through Hard Places. And um, Danny, when you sent over your story, I was like, the fact that you have been through being homeless, having a seventh-grade counselor tell you that you would be better off locked up. Um, you were in the circus, circus sole, you fell from a two-hour he was he fell from a two-story house and proceeded to use 10 minutes after the fall. Um you were on your aunt's porch. I mean, you have definitely you are like the perfect for our title. And I'm glad when I sent it over, you was like, oh, that's perfect. I I got this. So my first question to you is you mentioned surviving childhood abuse growing up in a violent, dysfunctional family. How did those early years shape your identity even before addiction entered the picture?

SPEAKER_05 6:50

Such a good question. Um, so I guess for me, probably like at least some of you, I don't really remember now or think that I was a child. It's so far away. Um, but like maladaptive behaviors based on trauma, and then my brain recalibrating to trauma, which created like a broken personality and a faulty belief system, made me who I was. So you have to hold on to who you are, but then figure out how did I get that way. Um I don't know. I guess whatever happens often enough becomes normal, unfortunately. And I think for a lot of us and people that do have childhood trauma, physical trauma, sexual abuse trauma, um, the people that are supposed to take care of me, my safe place, um, was the place that hurt me. Um, and so fantasy became my first escape of choice long before I used the substance.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

I mean, I this deep, I like when you said um it was hard for you to let go of we hold on to who we are. And I think do you think sometimes that's the part that's holding us back in our recovery?

SPEAKER_05 8:05

It's like if your eyes are blue, how do you how do you like the way that you have blue eyes? Yeah, it's almost that it's that fundamental. Um, trauma is that ingrained. It it literally like my my whole DNA pattern grew around my trauma. Um, and if unless I can see it that way, I can't back out of it. Um I just become maladaptive and that becomes normal. Um, how do you how do you let go of something? There's a certain distorted comfort in old familiar pain. Yes, you know, and it seems easier to embrace pain than to let go of it or something unknown. So that I lived that way for decades and decades.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Well, well, let me ask you a question. What is in the back talking about trauma and going to therapy? How did you get to the point where you was like, I'm ready to deal with this trauma? What was the breaking point where you couldn't go on no longer?

SPEAKER_05 9:00

Okay, so I have a like a love-hate relationship with therapy. Um, first of all, first of all, my idea of therapy was a person that I could challenge and and F with them, you know, because obviously they did not have my best intentions at heart. Um, and so if anybody struggles with that idea of that, that's completely normal. Um, and then I didn't know what to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Um in therapy, and honestly, who cares is what I thought.

SPEAKER_05 9:35

Who cares, you know? Um, and so I'm so glad that Celsey's here because I really will cry. Um, so I I I got into recovery uh December 4th, 2019. Um one of the first people I met that that turned out to be a safe person, not because she was a therapist, but because she had a Prince poster on her wall. And I don't know how, yeah, I'm Gen X, I'm from the 80s, I'm down with Prince, and I was like, she's probably cool. Um she did something, and I tried to follow that in what I do. Um I just felt safe with her, and I don't know, I don't know why, but when you have an unhealed child inside of a grown man's body, um the connect that is so difficult. And there was just like a little epiphany that said, just maybe, just maybe somebody won't hurt me. And and let let's keep it, let's keep it 100. Yep, no one, not one person in this room ever, ever on your worst day in life can hurt me the way I hurt me. No, no one, you can't say worse things about me than I've said about myself, but still uh I ostracized people because as long as I was in control or the illusion of control of the harm that came to me was self-induced, I was in control of something. But I don't know if that makes sense. It might make sense in three days, but think about it.

SPEAKER_00 11:11

But at least it'll make sense, and at least you will think about it because you know, for me going to therapy, I was like, I don't trust you. What makes me want to trust you? And what makes me want to tell you what I got going on, what I had going on, so I can heal, you know, what who say you won't turn it around and go back and tell somebody else? And I think that's the part that a lot of us struggle with when you've been hurt and you've dealt with that type of trauma because you like, like you said, how can I trust you?

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Yeah, I also had asked him, like, how do you deal with trauma when you don't know you've been traumatized? Like um every time that I feel helpless, my mom being beaten flashes in front of my eyes, and I was like seven or eight, and I couldn't help her. So it's like I'm up against that every time I feel like I'm helpless, and that just makes it worse. But like going to therapy now, I think that that's allowed me to get farther along my recovery process, but I'm still afraid to deal with some of the trauma because I'm afraid to awaken what's inside of me. Because, like, if I see a man hitting a woman, it terrifies me, you know. But some people, that's what they do, and I'm not saying I'm not going against anything, I'm just saying that incident takes me for who I am. Like, I see my mom get beat, so I don't beat women. It could be a verse power for some men, but it's like I still relive that trauma and trauma. And the crazy thing was the guy who beat my mom, I was in a jail cell, in the holder cell, waiting for him. Not waiting for him, I was in there. They brought him in, and I had asked myself, what would I do to this guy for ever seeing him again as an adult? He walks in, but this is the thing, he came in, he was blind, and uh it's still unaddressed because I couldn't get my revenge, and I and now asked that because it's hard not, um it's hard sometimes not to play the victim. And it's hard like when we go through um a different phase in life where we say we did something, but it wasn't that bad, you know. And then, you know, we try to um, I guess, justify other people's actions towards us because, like you said, you hurt yourself more than anybody can, you know, and it's like trying to pick people to be around that's not gonna hurt us is a hard job for me. I often pick people that will hurt me, and I wait for them to hurt me because I'm used to it, it's normal for me, and that's my comfort zone.

SPEAKER_05 13:43

I know how to act. And I don't know, Allie's my close friend, and she tells me all the time, I have such a hard time accepting compliments and genuine affection and uh just love and concern. Not because I don't believe that she feels that way for me, but even at almost 55 years old with six years in recovery, there's still this little part of me that says, You don't deserve that. Um, unless I could say that out loud and make it real, I would take that. It's like a seed and I'll keep it in me, and it will it will manifest and it has tentacles like an octopus, and they will start to manifest in different areas of my life. Um, and and I become unmanageable. I come restless, irritable, discontent in a short period of time. Now I literally become sick of myself. Um, and those are like warning signs for me when I need to back up and do something different. Um, because I know I know how to have an everything must-go sale. Yeah, quick. Yeah, my stuff, your stuff, your friends, your grandmother, my my dignity, self-respect, self-esteem, self-worth, my fidelity, fortitude, everything. All at the door. Yeah, gotta go and trade it for a moment's relief and long-term hardship.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

So talking on the lines of like childhood trauma, I want to ask you, based on what you went through, what do you think families, schools, and communities can do differently to help prevent the kind of trauma and addiction you experience?

SPEAKER_05 15:15

God, we've had these conversations, don't we? I love my job. I have so many people that challenge my thinking. Um, if you're if you're around people who are not challenging your thinking, just a suggestion, you might want to get around some other people. Um, because if my preconceived thinking is what's carrying me through right now, I don't know how I'm making progress or getting better. Um, so I grew up in the 70s and 80s.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

Don't be so I did too, I did too, I did too, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_05 15:47

Facebook, Instagram, they like what big pharma was. There wasn't no, we wasn't, everybody wasn't doing the treatment. I don't know what a DSM 5 was, and I need to be diagnosed, and there was none of that. Just put some drink some water and lay there.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 16:03

Or get a beat. You need to stop. Just stop what you're doing and get better. Um, I don't know, you know, the what I learned growing up from what I know now, so a lot of times if you know, now I'm talking about me. What I know now, the level of health is a double-edged sword almost for us to continue the pattern of having our autonomy eroded. Um, there has to be self-sufficiency and independence. When people become reliant on diagnosis and um, you know, over prescribed and medical coercion and things like that. See, it gets I don't know the balance for me. Um I think you know, there was no one was considered autistic when I was growing up. They were called another word. They begin with the R. You know what I'm saying? And that and that was a stigma in and of itself. So I don't know, comprehension, communication styles, things are different now. Um I think it's just good for young people to have an outlet and someone to talk to, um, not someone to beat their ass and put them to bed. They're not acting the way that you think they should act. Um, that's that's pretty simple. That's just an old school way I see it.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

And like you said before, having that trusted adult that they can actually trust to confide in and actually tell them.

SPEAKER_05 17:28

Outside of the home. Yeah, you know, um, that like that guidance counselor. Um, you know the funny story because I have stories. The guy the guidance counselor's name was the gay gazelle was his name. The keyboard worries, go find him. Anyway, I was I was probably 14, 15. Remember that conversation? So if you think little things don't have an impact, I forgot a whole lot of my life, but I remember him, and I remember him telling me society be a better place when you're locked up. Not I want to help you, not what's going on at home, not have you been abused, not how can I help you, how can I help you be safe? Let I want you to know that you can talk to me, you're not alone. Um, not none of that. Just you go, you need to go to jail. Fast forward 10, 11, 12 years later, I was at Camp 31 Augusta through Department of Corrections, and his son came in scared. I never did like him anyway, if I'm being honest. You know, I didn't I didn't like him because I didn't like his dad, but I but I didn't feel that way when I saw him. I know what it was like to be scared, going to prison. And uh I didn't even tell him that, but I thought about I thought about his dad and I thought, damn, you're just like me, man. And I wonder if he told me that, I wonder what he told you. And uh, so it just kind of gave me some insight uh to be able to have some compassion for things I don't understand and conversations I wasn't a part of.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

Yeah, okay. Well, um, I'm gonna talk about uh the rock bottle. Um which one? That's right, because they say every rock bottle has a trap door. Yes, sir. I agree. Um, and and as as a as a person in recovery, I used to judge a lot of people because I hadn't fallen as far as they had failed. Um, I wasn't like them, you know. I always um, I guess I never identified in, always compare myself out, you know. Um what was that moment of clarity? When when did it come? Did it come while you was using, or did it came after you got clean? Because see, my moment of clarity came when I was using an active addiction when I'm looking out of a window saying one day it's not gonna be like this, you know. But I just didn't know what to do to stay stopped. I couldn't because my folks they're taken to the to the treatment place. I get out of the car, I see them pull off, I hop on the bus, you know. Um, because I hadn't had enough. But when they said, Eric, this is it, you can't come in my house, you can't do nothing but call me on the phone. We'll bring you some clothes if you need it, you'll bring you some food if you need it, but anything else you're on your own.

SPEAKER_05 20:17

I'll try. I'll try to so I give you like a three or four minute idea of something that happened to me. I don't know if it was the rock bottom, but it was a bottom that also included uh spiritual experience. Um, so so I was homeless in Knoxville. Um, and I a lot of you guys know, and I I make jokes about it sometimes because a lot I think if I could give you a visual, it might not be as rough. And sometimes a visual will allow someone else to identify where they were might never ever say that that was you know. Um, so I was scurrying around the street in Knoxville, like a lizard with no tail. Uh been on one for years in a psychosis, uh dope sick, sores all over my body, 130 pounds. Uh, y'all know about the tooth. I have one tooth, like a saber-tooth tiger, had one tooth. I use it for everything. I use it for a tool, hold my cigarette, could mess with stuff, fix my rig. It had been there since I was a kid. I was attached to that tooth, just like I was attached to any bad behavior I had. It was a safe place. And even though all my other teeth were gone, I had that tooth. I thought about keeping it. I thought about putting it on the chain. But anyway, I'm scurrying around. I ended up at this uh this paper box right outside of Carm, the Knoxville area rescue mission, um, which is about five times the size of the umick rescue mission. Um I got some clothes out of there because the clothes I had just filthy soil, blood, urine, all the stuff, dirt, um and and the so the pants I found. So I know some of y'all know about sizes. So if I tell you I found a size A, they clearly belong to females. But I'm kind of tall, and I was like, oh, these are like you know, capri's. Like they they were over-the-knee shorts. I'm like, I got them, put them on, like skinny over-the-knee shorts, and I was like, I need a backpack. So I found an over-the-shoulder bag pocketbook, but I over-the-shoulder bag. And even in my mind, I was still trying to hold you, you know, when the level of insanity reaches higher than the wall of denial, we cannot pretend we are anything other than what we are in the moment.

SPEAKER_06 23:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 23:03

And it was like it was brutal that I was walking around like that. I went out probably a week or two later, I was living under a porch like a dog, uh, because I was a doormat for these people that sold dope. Um go to the store, you know, go do this, fix this up for me, carry this out to the street. Um and I went in this little neighborhood uh called the Fort was near University of Tennessee. And I went on a mission. I worked for Sherman Williams. I was stealing paintbrushes that day. Oh, y'all laughing. Y'all ain't never bought paintbrushes.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

Sold them. Jeremiah, they're expensive. Tell the truth, man. And they had that little site called Let Go. I'm not trying to put y'all on something if you hadn't been on it.

SPEAKER_05 23:56

I don't know. So everybody, everybody that's been in recovery or using had a straight talk phone with a cracked screen.

SPEAKER_06 24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:02

Y'all, you know, and you had to get Wi-Fi from wherever. That was me. So I walked around all morning, that was in August, collecting, stealing. Did you call collecting? Wait a minute, I need to change my word. I was collecting, stealing paintbrushes until I got enough in my bag. Like a um made me think of like one of them uh uh uh children's stories, where they're walking through the field with the over-the-shoulder bag, putting the flowers or fruit in it, except I was putting paintbrushes in it. And in my mind, the insanity was if I could just get one, I'll be okay. Even though I know all tangible proof says one is not gonna make you okay, none will make you okay, nothing will make this okay. This is never gonna get better, and nothing that you put in you will make it better. But that one little moment of that that you know, the train or that car you're in on a road trip on the highway and it's pouring down rain, and you know, when you hit that like two-second underpass, you know that there it is. That was my safe place, man, just for a minute. And don't you Narcan me? I've been trying to kill myself for 30 years. How dare you put that shit in my body? I've been working on this bus for 19 days. I was talking to Jesus. Now I didn't want to come and Narcan because I wasn't brief. You know, that didn't sand me at light.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

I was in there, I tell I went, sold my little brushes. You know, this little construction business I had. Sold my brush, emptied my bag. It was lighter, scurried over to the spot, went in, sat down on the couch, got uh a point, put it in my change pocket. Now, as soon as I got it, I felt better. Just because I had it.

SPEAKER_05 26:03

Whatever better is. Feeling better is me convincing myself that I didn't have to feel at all. Because I didn't know how to live with my feelings. I didn't know how to live without them. I just didn't know how to live.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Somebody kicked the door in, the guy came in, the dude behind him came in with a gun, pointed the gun at Us three, robbing them, the people that sold the dope. Some of y'all know the story. In that moment, here's coming right here, man. I contemplated all the things I've been through in my entire life led up to me sitting here. And if you think I'm gonna give you that, you got me effed up.

SPEAKER_05 26:53

So I just because I was so thin anyway, I was kind of like a breeze or the wind. I just, I just slid off the couch and started scurrying towards down the hallway. Third shot caught me in my cocks on my lower back, knocked me out the window. So I so I fell, hit the ground. I remember hitting the ground, uh, punctured my lung immediately. It sounded like it letting the air of a balloon. You could hear it bleeding. When I did stand up, I could hear it when I was walking, it's not like I can still hear the trauma, man. It's trauma. I can still hear it when I walk sometimes. I hear water. When I walked, there's blood was in my shoes.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Um, and I I got up and I stood up, and you know what I thought. This is it. I I said, I gotta do that. Dope, man.

SPEAKER_05 27:48

I don't need to go get no help. That's the help. I didn't because nobody's gonna have nobody's gonna do my life. Showed me no one was gonna help me. There was no way out. Um and I did, I did it. I did that, and then everything that happened after that was like a collective dragon in the core of the earth bottom. It was like that's when the like the like epiphanies and the fundamental realizations started to happen where you you contemplate and be like, am I crazy? Am I am I really living this life? Even if I got better, what would better look like? Because I didn't even I've never seen better, I didn't even know like what better was. Um, and then I passed out. These people from my NA meeting put me in a van. I passed out in the literal yard uh uh churchyard right in front of the doors. These two ladies came out, drove me in a van, drove me to UT hospital, and they sent me to my next of kin to die with the drain bag, um, at a port. Um and then that that was on my that was on my aunt's porch. My aunt wouldn't let me in the house told me I could sleep on the porch. Uh and I remember that that week or two sitting on the porch or three. Just if you know, you know, man. I don't want to get better because I'm scared to death. It can't get much worse. I mean, I didn't die. Like, what even's gonna happen? Um I didn't think about I was gonna get clean, man. I just saw there was something in me that said, what if you hadn't even lived your life yet?

SPEAKER_03 29:24

Like it it was just a little time, like it only takes hope is not a measurable commodity.

SPEAKER_05 29:34

You can't measure hope or desire. No one gets to decide how much it takes, you know? Um and a few things happened, man, in a row, and I ended up at the CSU, literally, and met Celsius looking my very best, my my dad, when I got there. I think I was wearing a trash bag, two different shoes. I had a Batman shoe, one of them was a Batman shoe, and one of them was gonna be a Joker shoe, except I didn't get the Joker shoe where I stole them from Mr. Raj. I had a trash bag on. Y'all remember Max Headroom? Y'all remember that. Yes, remember him? All right, listen, I had one of them, everybody had a bomber. Some of y'all done had one. Remember them bombers? They were orange on the inside of the blue. So you know, I'm a big guy anyway. I had like a 5x. My shoulders was like that big in that bomber. My hair was like this. That's how that's how I went in the CSU. I had a wife beer bought up and on the bullet hole because I was afraid if I told them I had that right there, they wouldn't let me come in there. And I nursed that thing the whole time I was in there without telling anybody that I had it. Um, and a few other things. My foot was broke where where I was trying to steal my aunt's uh IV uh while she was in the hospital. I thought I could steal it and then do it myself. I didn't even know if that was a real thing, but apparently it wasn't. But anyway, I blacked out in the hallway of the hospital, and they then when the security pulled pulled me up and got me down to merchant, they showed me the video, and the elevator door was like just closing on my foot. So it broke my foot. So my whole my foot was broke for my whole first year clean. I created a different walk, like trip walk. I think it was my own style, like a pimp limp. It was my own thing. I I did it, I was like, that's me, that's part of who I am. Anyway, I'm trying to like you know how much of a bottom you need, right? But um, I knew I couldn't use, but I knew I couldn't live. And we there's the dilemma. It says in the basic text, we were in the grip of a hopeless dilemma. The solution was spiritual in nature, and unless I believed that if I maintain my self-sufficiency, that I, with my preconceived failures, thoughts, maladaptive behaviors, if I could use that to make a better decision how to live, I was gonna die. And I might not die quickly, I might be slow and I might drag out and go completely out of my mind and just be dragging a body around, which I was already close to it anyway. Um, and it just something happened, man. Even in the second step, it didn't say what, and it's just a short sentence. Something happened, and some people in here it happened to you too, and you don't even have to decide what it is. It happened to you, man. Yes, something happened. Yes, most definitely.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

So so I want to ask you, you know, based on what you went through, um, despite all the chaos in your life, you still found an outlet in dance and even became a professional. What dance what did dance mean to you during those years? Was it an escape or a form of healing, or both?

SPEAKER_03 32:35

So, so you oh, I can I can't tell the truth in here.

SPEAKER_05 32:40

Everything ain't got to be cute, right? We want we about to stand on it, right? So we might identify. So, so I was sexually abused growing up from the ages of probably what I can remember, seven or eight, until I was like 12 or 14. When I started to get almost old enough to be able to really say or know this is not okay, even though it happened for so many years, it seemed like it was okay. Something wasn't right about it. You know, that little icky shame feeling that family you have, and there's nobody to tell, and then you're embarrassed to tell anyone. And so I wanted to start dancing because I had always heard that gay guys danced, and I thought I must be gay. Um, so I started dancing. Turns out, shit, you can dance, man. Dance, man. So I danced uh with uh Ray Hollins Work dance troupe in Martinsville. Uh I joined a group, I got recruited by a group called Believe It Or Not. Um, they did fashion shows and events from all the way from Savannah, uh even up to uh Manhattan. Um and then I auditioned for the Cirque du Soleil. Um, and I became um an alternate performer for the Cirque du Soleil in San Diego in 1989.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

But I like the power, man.

SPEAKER_05 34:08

I like the power, man. You from the air, I wanted to get high. I'm not all these people that were so cool, and I was like, man, this is awesome. Then I was still contemplating shit. I might be gay, I just might be anything. I don't know, but I was trying to find out, and and I started using substances, and it just took over. But I always knew I was like, damn, I can be a professional dancer, I want to be a choreographer. Um, and then that lifestyle just started to make such big bites out of my functionality. Um, it's like watching your dreams fade, and then we'll then we'll pretend we that wasn't a dream anyway. Like I did that later in life. I'm like, I only did that because this was happening to me. And no, but listen, when I start hitting that line dance that Janelle does in my mirror at the house, I got my I'm like, oh no, you're a dancer for real.

SPEAKER_02 35:00

All right, let me ask you a question. Um on Mondays when you should come in to do your groups, you always play the song.

SPEAKER_06 35:08

Always, always still do it.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

So, like um, I'm a music lover, you know, um, and we're close to the same age. I'll be turning 50 in December. Um, how important is music to you and your recovery, but also to you in life?

SPEAKER_05 35:27

That's a what a good question. I don't know what other people's outlets are. So um I listen to music. Uh I watch live music, I use nostalgia as a coping skill. Um, I've I've learned a way to like use nostalgia from the from the 80s and 90s and be able to remember before things got bad and then separate the trauma that was going on from it. So it gives me a safe place. Um, I use music for motivation. Uh, started to explore different genres and different age groups of music. I've had a few, you know, been in a few relationships along the way. How some judging. I can see the judge, I can feel the judgment from y'all with people that were you know a little younger than me. And so how do you how do you how do you identify you you figure out where what they look like, you know, then get a little playlist. Then when you hang out with them, you like just put the playlist on, and they're like, Oh, how do you know that song? And then you're like, Oh, shh, I like that. Yeah, I didn't know. No, no, no, no. Listen, by default, you like it, I like it. If you like me, I'm better, right? And you know, and so I learned how to do that with music and just kept all the music. I use it in groups, I use it to be relatable, I use it to identify. Even the people that can't identify with it get interested that we might play a song that they like. Um, sometimes we'll play one in and play one out. Um, sometimes we'll play podcasts, put a little music in it. So I love music. It's every day, all day. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

So speaking on what you do now, um, can you just tell us and tell our audience like exactly because we talked about the past, but give us, give everybody an audience like what you do now exactly, specifically. Anderson Associates, and then you told me today you started your business. And yep, yep.

SPEAKER_03 37:25

You don't know what we're gonna do with it, right? But we had it.

SPEAKER_05 37:30

I just wanted to put the paper on a uh in a frame on my wallet. Do it. Um so uh so I started out at Anderson treatment uh four years ago when the 12 opened. Um as uh what's the title? Residential service provider. I don't even know what the title is. So is that what it is?

SPEAKER_03 37:55

Um because I thought, you know, I could work in treatment because I was clean and I get it.

SPEAKER_05 38:02

Um it's a whole lot I didn't get at the time, but um, I just I was helped by um people that worked there um over the years. Um Jody Anderson, Allie, and different people um just invested in me and helped me develop myself as a human, as a professional, as a recovering man. Um so I my title is recovery housing coordinator, conflict resolution facilitator. I'm a registered certified peer. I am a um DBHDS Region 3 PRS trainer in the state of Virginia. Um I just get it in, man. Uh I keep coming up with new stuff all the time. I if I have one conversation with a staff member or a new one, I'll come up with a new title for my repertoire. And look, you can live your life and do what you wanted. I didn't have no life, I didn't have no life. So I like to say, so I like to include staff development. I I give tours to the people at um the facility to outside resources. Um, I explain the integration of the embodiment of the peer role. Um, and then including that in the admin clinical, uh, residential service providers and everybody that works there. Um, I'm I'm just a lot. I do, you know, I'm I'm on I'm on basically 24-hour call for the facilities. Wow. Um, if something jumps off, I'll be there. Yeah, they know I'll be there. I'm consistent, reliable, accountable. Um it's a good game.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

And I have to say that, sorry, real quick, can I say something real quick?

SPEAKER_02 39:47

Um, I just want to say to all of uh the 12 and Anderson, um, thank y'all from the bottom of my heart for help save my life. Um, I know if it wasn't for y'all, I might not be here. There's a chance I would, but more than likely not. So today, since so many of y'all are here, I just want to say, I just want to say I love y'all and thanks for everything y'all did for me and not kicking me out the program. And I'm pretty sure I probably could have, you know, but thank you, and I love y'all, and I'll be coming by to see y'all soon.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Love that.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

So I have to say, like, when it comes to conflict resolution, and I'm gonna say this, and then we're gonna do QA from our any audience. I have seen you and Allie in action when it comes to conflict resolution, and I thought that I could handle conflict resolution until I've seen these two in action. I was like, oh, this is a whole nother level. Like the way you approach it, because I'm I'm that we're all three very direct people. Like, we're gonna tell you like it is, you either digest it how you want to and move on with your life, right? But you approach it in a way of this is this is what it is. Okay, now how do you feel about that? Okay, so let me tell you what. Well, I'm gonna tap into what part of where you're coming from. It's a whole different approach, and I think that is something that organizations who want to either work with someone in in recovery or are start wanting to start their own recovery treatment facility, need someone like you in their physician, you know, facility, you and Ali Tech can kind of tell them like this is the type of people that we're dealing with. This is how you're gonna have to approach it because it's a whole different ball game.

SPEAKER_05 41:31

It's yeah, so I mean, listen, I'm and I'm not yeah, I'm biased, but for real, um Anderson treatment has the most badass staff members. Yeah, I'm taking I don't listen. You're only as good anyone as your team is, yeah. Um, and and whether you feel some type of way about whatever, I just know where my support is. Uh, I mean, I had there are so many outlets of support for different things that I get from our team. I just I'm I'm part of the team, I'm a team player. Uh, you know, so but um me and Allie took took the conflict training together, actually. And um, of course, she's just awesome. That what I literally, I'm just saying, if I I could just go sit beside her for 10 minutes somewhere when I leave, I feel more intelligent, more regulated, and whatever. So she's just awesome to come in and um and and put a handle on things and and redirect and um set us up for a different level and a different type of um a broader success. And and I just love it, man. I I just love that I'm a part of it. Um, because you know, I was wearing the size eights, what I'm seeing with the over the shoulder and the paintbrush. So I you know, none of that was on my agenda things to do.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

So we're gonna have this is a setup.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Well, it's two in here. You're getting it. All right. Oh, this is this is actually for me. Um, I'm gonna answer this one last. But um, this question is I'm in a treatment program working hard to change my life. What advice do you have for someone like me who wants to give back to the community in a real way?

SPEAKER_05 43:24

Ooh, that's a good one. That's a good now. No, I can give you my lived experience. Whoever wrote it, you wrote it. You um, but I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you. Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable and learn where to invest. Long term investment in self is the payoff. Um, I had to so so when I wanted to that, so uh my external validation is normal for most of us, whether we know what it is or not. Um I when I started to heal myself, I became better equipped to deal with people. They've seen it happen to me literally in the years I've been working there. Like within the past two years, I turned a corner of so many things. Um slow down, follow directions. Uh, I always tell people all the time if you ask for help, please let the help help without self-directing through our own preconceived bullshit, what help looks like. And I I'm not trying, you know, um, I did it, lots of people do it. Um, instead of asking why, ask how, cooperate, comply, get through the program. Some of the stuff doesn't matter. Some of the rules aren't important unless you're in there. Uh, is my house clean right now? It's clean enough for me. But guess what? It's also in my name, and I pay the bills and I work to get it. If I was in community living, do I need to be on time? Do I need to do this stuff? I'm gonna kick back on this. Why is it this way? I'm gonna write a paper on this person for that and this person for that. So um just look look inward and invest in self. Put no time frame on it and see what happens.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

Here's another one. Um, do you ever miss your old life? Are there aspects you wish you could keep without the consequences? That's a good one. That's a really good one.

SPEAKER_05 45:20

Yeah, I miss it. You know what I miss the most? Not having any responsibilities. You know what I hated the most about it? Not having the safety and security that calm responsibilities. The contradiction was so huge. Um I like being able to get up and go from anywhere, anytime, not having anyone to answer to. What did did I, you know, was I a law-abiding citizen? Is that a thing? Um you know, um, I the payoff, man, it's like if everybody wants to have the meal, can you pay the tab? I said, I can't pay the tab for that life anymore. Um, so I found I found a life that I like equally or as good or better, and I just invested in that. The longer I'm clean, the more I like my life. Every single day I wake up and I know that I'm not gonna put that poison in my body. Start there, I'm not gonna put my hands on anybody. You know, in a few little things I do. Um, like I said, if you get hit by a train, it's not the caboose that kills you, it's the first one. And I keep that in mind that in mind.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

So, this was the question for me. What inspired you to start the podcast? Um I'm going, yeah. Um so uh we were in a partnership conversation with one of our um partners, which is Fed Up Against Gun Violence. And the main thing is they had individuals who wanted to tell their story, but they were either ashamed or um wanted to kind of not tell their stories because of the backlash that they would get from the community. A lot of individuals died from gun violence because, you know, drug activity or gang activity. And so it was put in my heart to kind of create a space where individuals could tell their story without the backlash. So when we were having our conversation about creating the podcast, one thing we wanted to say was if you don't want your identity exposed, but to get your story out, we would not expose your identity. Um, and that that even went along. I lost my brother to an overdose two years ago. And my I can remember my stepmom not wanting to say anything on social media because his picture was in the newspaper from something they said he did. And she said, I just don't want anybody to come and say anything. So it's stories like that where people have these stories, but they're scared to tell because my uncle raped me, and they I still have to go to the cookout with them, and I don't want my family to know. Or, you know, this happened to me or that happened to me. So I wanted to create it where we could tell the raw true stories of what's going on in our community, in our surrounding cities, that we can open up the eyes to other people that might say, is it really happening? Yes, it's happening, and it's happening at the youngest age, middle schoolers. When we go into the school, we have eighth graders that's saying they have tried heroin before. I have a 10 and 11 and 12-year-old. The thought of them doing half the shit that I did when I was younger, my mom is here, it would blow my mind. I'm probably like needing three times a week counseling, and I don't even know how she dealt with me. So I'm kind of like wanting to create this space where somebody can listen and say, I can relate to that, I can relate to that. And to hear that you have gotten through it gives me hope for another day. And uh, we had talked about even if we had someone that was still an active addiction, I want to hear your story.

SPEAKER_04 49:05

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 49:06

Because you can be relating to someone that is listening that's like, I am trying to hold on to another day. I heard this episode on you know, this such and such day, and hearing them say, I am still using to this day, gave me hope that I can still hold on. So that's why I wanted to create the blinded truth to create the healthy healing space for healing, truth, authentic authenticity, um, and just to open up the eyes of what's going on. I love it. So as you all know, we do have Anderson associates here. I specifically wanted them here because we were highlighting Damien and we wanted to also highlight what they are doing. And one thing I loved about going and working for Anderson is that it is owned by someone who is in recovery for over 20 years. And I thought that was awesome because a lot of times you find treatment facilities that is run by people that know facts and data and they don't know the real truth, and everybody there is in recovery. So Eric has a highlight of what Anderson Associate offers. Um, and this I know a lot of you are like, Well, I'm there, but we also will have this where people can listen in and maybe they don't know. So, Eric, can you kind of tell us a little bit of what Anderson Associate offers? All right. If you haven't gotten the paper, it's on the back. He's probably like looking at the paper, like, what's going on? That one.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

This one, yeah. Okay, but before then, um, I just want to say that I became your friend by accident. Um, I said this uh a couple times. I was on the in the Medicaid cab going to treatment, and I said Roanoke Rapids, Virginia, uh, North Carolina. I ended up in Roanoke, Virginia. And I stayed at the Anderson on December 4th, 2023. That was your day you on your anniversary. That's the day I showed up, man. Before we go, I just want to say uh Danny, I I I love you, man. Um, keep doing everything you're doing. Um I guess you're a role model, man.

SPEAKER_05 51:16

Yeah, I love you back, man. Thank you so much. I'm so glad.

SPEAKER_02 51:18

Yeah, and I got through this without crying. I'm on the verge right now, so I'm gonna I'm gonna get back to this. But um, thank you, man. And and and another thing, um I think you're more of a humanitarian than anything because of what you got in your personal life. I just, yes, you gotta get some of your flowers, man, because what you have done a lot of people wouldn't do.

SPEAKER_00 51:41

Nope.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

And I can even say, I don't know if I will be able to do something like that, man. And um I just want to give it to you while you're alive because we often get our flowers when we die, man. And um just keep it up, man. Keep keep motivating me to become better, man. And I know um this is I'm glad you're here, but I feel like you being here is more for me than it was for you. Um, because I know this hour. So um, I'd be able to take something away from this podcast tonight and add it to my life, man. If it's only one word, man, you always got that word to say, and I love you because you're the numbers guy, you know the literature, and you speak facts. You don't give me what you think, you give me what you know. And he lives it. You live it. So thank you, my brother.

SPEAKER_05 52:25

We matter, everybody in this room. We we matter, yeah, we matter, we matter. You never know when somebody's gonna turn the curve.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

So, yeah. So, um, if you um know anyone who needs um treatment, um, would love to go to a a caring, loving place um with some guidelines to follow. They're not too strict, but they're strict. Um, I would I would suggest Anderson treatment um because it helps save my life. They have so much to offer. They have partial uh hospitalization, 20 hours of group therapy a week, adult IOP, intensive out uh patient program, nine hours of group therapy weekly, analysis, IOP ages 12 to 17, six hours of group weekly, the MAP program, MAT, uh clinic, walk-in-side clinic for boxing other addiction treatment medications management services. You have individual therapy, one-on-one counsel provided by a licensed therapist, therapist, and a certified substance abuse counselor. Therapy helps, therapy helps, it does help. Um I'm a testimony to that. Maybe I should tell a little bit more stuff, but that's next year, but we'll get to that. Um, group therapy, MAT support groups, and aftercare programs. I did Iop through the uh 12. I had a great time. Uh, learned a lot about myself. Um man, the 12 is a 60 to 90 day transition of living residential treatment program, core focus on developing long-term sober living skills and emphasis on employment, housing, recovery networks, and activities of data living. 26-bed O facility, M House. That's the house I was at, the best house. Uh 18 bed, they're all great, but you just can't get M. I've I love the house. Uh, 18-bed um all-male facility on Patterson Avenue. I went and shared for the first time there a couple weeks ago. Beautiful house, man. It's a beautiful place. Um, 30-bed queer facility in Lynchburg. I heard some good stuff about it. Um, the Grove on Patterson, I haven't seen it yet, but I've heard a lot about it. You got something to do with that, right? Is that the one you no?

SPEAKER_05 54:30

That's the above that's the above and children's house. Okay. Um, they have a different um actually Leanna's here. She's the program editor. Um, there's a different people from here now. That place is fantastic. Okay. Um, they're doing things that were almost not being done in Virginia. They they serve a population uh that is vulnerable and that absolutely needs our love, affection, attention, and all the support we can give them.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

Uh okay, um, the girl's gonna pass in uh four to six month residency treatment program for pregnant women and their infants, women struggling with addiction and can come into treatment while pregnant. Um deliver and return to the residential setting with their infant and postpone them until they are ready to execute their long-term recovery plans. This is a community partnership with Restoration Housing that are in place at Bethany Hall. Wow, let's get another run. Uh a real a real quick fun fact before the drugs really got me, I was going to school to be a uh social worker and I wanted to deal with pregnant women and women who've been abused and drug addiction. And and that's that's dope, man. Um, thank y'all. And um, above ground, do you want to give us that?

SPEAKER_05 55:48

Yeah, sure. I'd love to. So uh we have two male houses called above ground, above ground one, above ground two. Um, above ground is our version of what would be considered uh an Oxford house.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

But it's better.

SPEAKER_05 56:04

Um we made above ground on the men's house version, which has some uh some things that are different that I think are needed. Juddy believed they were needed, and Allie believed they were needed, they were implemented, and the numbers are through the roof. So it's a single point of accountability. Um, they're connected to services at Anderson. So through Matt, through case management, um, they have to complete IOP. Their only people take it above ground are people who graduated from 12th. Uh, I can tell you this we opened our first house in August, 13 beds. Seven of those people that went in in August are over a year clean. Three of three of them now work for 12, four of them have taken the PRS training. Um, Jimmy's back there. Jimmy's here. We love Jimmy. Hey Jimmy, Jeremiah's here. Derek's right here. Derek works for Anderson. Um, and so and so we have our numbers proven, man. Uh, that model works, people stayed connected. Um, they had support connection from Anderson and so from the community. They didn't slide right off into what I've seen happen in other. We just opened so the old Bethany Hall, uh, which is on Franklin Road. We got that uh property, opened it, I think about three weeks ago. Um, 12 beds there. Um, and so we have some of the guys are in here now from there um as well. I I ride with them. They're listening man, let's check this out. This is my life, man. Uh, I'm I'm not I'm not that guy on paper that I'm not that, I'm that guy. I'm gonna be at the house, I'm gonna be at work, I'm gonna show up at three in the morning, I'm gonna do whatever, you know, and I it's no compromise. This life is better than any life I ever had by far. And so therefore, I'm not losing anything by investing in it. I'm not there is sacrificing everything that we do. You know, I'm raising a family. One other thing I wanted to say, I became a residential support provider almost um two years ago for a 25-year-old autistic male. Um, I'm about to be. I got so many kids. Let me tell y'all about my kids, man. Oh, y'all don't want to got as many kids as I do. Uh and it's crazy, man. I got I got to come back into my son's life at 33 years old. Um, he's one of my best friends. Um he literally, I I'm I am to him what I needed when I was a child, man.

SPEAKER_03 58:43

And I it doesn't matter how I'm that to him, man.

SPEAKER_05 58:46

You know, and uh he knows I'm coming home at night, and he knows the bills are paid, and he knows I might bitch and moan, and I do. Um, but I'm a I'm there, man.

SPEAKER_01 58:57

I'm who and I'm the same thing for Michael too, man. And don't forget what you say, this is all yours in here. You tell him that you tell him that's my house. Yeah, you you that's your room, that's not stuff in your room. What's wrong with you, man?

SPEAKER_05 59:08

Everything in the house belongs to me. My dad used to say, and turn off the bathroom light, yeah, not pay the light bill, then go sit on the porch by myself, mad, smoking a cigarette. He's putting my sons in there going, Why are you like this? Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

SPEAKER_00 59:24

And I think it's funny because when I see you, I'll be like, What Michael? He's like, I need a break. I'll be like, You sound like me, a real true pen.

SPEAKER_05 59:31

We was gonna bring uh Michael, but uh Michael stems when I talk. Uh so he literally Jeremiah would have had to uh Jeremiah and Michael are close friends. He's uh Michael and uh Jeremiah have a special relationship. Um he he would have been raising pure hell up in here. Yeah, y'all the minute part of one or who is that kid? And then and then you know that that uh Papa Bear keeps in, why?

SPEAKER_01 59:59

What are you saying something about my son, man?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:04

Uh I want to just say one more thing. Uh this is just a real quick thing. Um last year, so one year ago, I had my um gun rights restored. I had 53 years old, so I lost when I was 18. So I never had my gun rights my entire life.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:22

Uh when I could get them back, I got them back.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:28

What I thought was emotionally regulated, I had to check that shit at the door when I got my gun rights back. I just want to say I I know a lot of people talk about it and with the culture and this and that. I wanted to have a gun. Um, and and it it dawned on me in a in a split second of not being regulated uh and anything happening, uh, I could make a decision that I will regret forever and never ever come home to Michael or my son. So so I had to step back and think about that. Um, those are those are important things to consider. But I'm just saying this because once we get momentum for momentum, we know how to get stuff back. Like we can do things. We have uh uh fidelity, fortitude, resilience, perseverance, courage, strength. Um, people who suffer from SUD and mental health on the other side of that are literally some of the most shining, bright, intelligent, courageous, strong people I know. But we all we have to harness that sometimes because we still have to be functional and live within this society and not outside the balance of polite society. Um it's it's good to find the balance and please take your time finding the balance. Every decision we make has a consequence, whether it's negative or positive.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

So well, thank you so much. All right, so Danny, so we just got our first podcast, and you were our guest. So, how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:53

Oh, fantastic. I think it went better than I expected. I love this facility, I love what you guys are doing, I love community awareness, and it included all those things. And you guys were so nice to meet all the people we bought. So, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:05

So, you touched on a couple things that we always go out in the community to talk about, which is aces, trauma, and also addiction. So, when it comes to recovery, what does that look like for the next generation?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:16

The understanding I have about recovery is if you want to break it down, return to something's former state, or an active change in ideas, attitudes, behaviors. Um, so I think with the culture of 2025, you include social media and a lot of that isolation that goes on through that. Some things important, remember. So, harm reduction is recovery.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:36

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:36

Um, it's an active change in ideas, attitudes, behavior. I believe in autonomy being restored to the restoration of autonomy is uh essential for recovery. If a person can't gain their independence and do things that are esteemable, they cease to gain the self-esteem that will keep them from the harm-causing maladaptive behaviors that recovery um will change for them. So uh another thing is body sovereignty. Um, I think that's important. Uh, I think individually, recovery is not linear, it's not cookie cutter, it's gonna look different. I think the more options we offer for uh total wellness, holistic wellness, mental, emotional restoration back to wholeness, I think that hits more places. The the old idea of recovery being only abstinence from substances is so archaic in 2025. The stigma attached to that is lethal for people to close their mind to one path. Truth may be one path so many. So explore paths, different paths, offer options and allow people with different communication, different comprehension, different life experiences to grab something to find relief. And that would be what I consider to be recovery for the next generation. I would, first of all, I would suggest to the family to understand what addiction is. So it's a family disease. Uh, they might have one person, but trauma reaches and touches boundaries. Harm is caused through families, through generations. I would always say get the best information possible, reach out for help as soon as possible, initiate different methods of help, but always be proactive and have four momentum. I think when we bog down in isolation and it's a shameful thing, um, that stigma literally kills people.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:15

Yeah. Well, thank you again, Danny, for being our guest on the podcast. And we look forward to having you again. And again, this is Danny Cox, he is one of the conflict resolution um title. I can't even tell it.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:26

The conflict resolution facilitator for the entirety of Anderson Treatment, as well as the recovery housing coordinator and a DBHCS region three PRS trainer for the state of Virginia.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:36

And he is the true definition of boots on the ground.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:39

All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:39

Thank you.