Turning Grief Into Purpose

Grief will either break you… or build something in you.

In this powerful episode of The Blinded Truth Podcast, Destinnee Vance and Eric Foster dive deep into what it really looks like to transform pain into purpose. This is not surface-level healing. This is the raw, unfiltered truth about loss, trauma, and what comes after the breaking point.

From losing loved ones to addiction and suicide… to navigating the weight of trauma and unanswered questions… this episode speaks directly to anyone who has ever had to rebuild themselves from the inside out.

Because here is the truth… grief does not go away.
 But it can evolve.

And when you learn how to carry it differently…
 it can become the very thing that fuels your purpose.

If you are grieving… healing… or trying to find meaning in your pain… this episode is for you.

This episode is powered by Destiny Is By Choice Support Services.

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Send Destinnee Vance a message on PodMatch, here:
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Blinded Truth Podcast where real stories meet real healing. We are your hosts, Destiny Vans and co-host. Today's episode is titled Turning Grief into Purpose. This conversation is for anyone who has lost someone they truly believe will still be here. The people we thought we had more time with, the conversations we thought we would still get to have, the moments we assume were still coming. Grief has a way of showing up uninvited. It changes you, it forces you to face the reality that life can shift in a single moment. But sometimes the same pain that breaks your heart is the pain that wakes up your purpose. Today we're talking about the process of grief, what it means to carry the memory of those we've lost, and how that loss can push us to live, speak, and serve differently. This episode is powered by Destiny is by choice support services because your journey, your voice, and your truth matter. So I am going to be in the hot seat today because you will be interviewing me about this topic. Yes. Please play nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Always.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

No, you don't.

unknown 1:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Okay, first when we get started. Um, how you feeling?

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I'm feeling okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:30

You liking the weather outside? I am like 80 degrees, nice, hot growth summer type stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

And you know it.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Oh lord, heavy, heavy. Well, you know, yeah, we're here. Um we're gonna discuss a very touchy subject. Yeah, it is. Um, because it can go either way with uh a person talking about grief and experiencing grief. Um and I believe it's because it's a thin line between acceptance and denial.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Yes, I do believe that.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

It seems like sometimes they can collide together and it's hard to get to the other part of the re because of that, uh the hell important.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

I think denial comes first.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

Oh yeah, oh yeah, most definitely.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Or it then again now for some people acceptance, but I think it depends on where what the situation is, but denial, I know for me, um denial came first for me in a lot of but and also acceptance, false acceptance can come first.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Because false acceptance. A lot of people have something happen to where they uh lock it out, they're not denying it, they're just uh choosing to accept it. Yeah, well, they do accept it, they're like, I'm alright, I'm good, I'm good, I'm fine. You know how people be the strong person in the family and to do everything to get like a funeral arranged, whatever, and then when all this had to be done, they go somewhere and that's when they break down.

SPEAKER_00 3:27

So I have to say for false acceptance when you put it like that, I experienced that with my dad.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

But when I lost my two brothers, I did denial first. Denial was the very first thing.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

All right, so my to start it off. I wanted to ask you, um, why do you want to really sit down for an hour and talk about the subject? Because you know, it it may bring up some things that you haven't never really talked about that didn't even know existed.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Okay, so I think for one, grief is something that a lot of people um shy away from because it's a touchy subject. And I feel like for me, like to have the conversation, I have healed and grown. So I'm okay. I've gotten past those points. You get what I'm saying? Like, I still have my moments of experiencing like sadness when I think about certain things with losing my brother, like with my dad, a certain song come on that he's listened to or used to listen to. And I think for me, what triggers me the most is my youngest son because he is like a spinning image of him. He walks like him, he talks like him, he moves his hands like him. And he now the way he's dressing is like my mama was like, oh my gosh, spinning image.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Okay, so um what is the hardest part about losing your loved ones?

SPEAKER_00 5:14

Who um I think for me the hardest part was the unexpectedness because with my dad, he hid his illness from his children. So we didn't know exactly what was wrong, we just knew he was sick, but we didn't know exactly what was wrong. Um for my my oldest brother, so suicide was like a thing people talked about, but you kind of it was kind of like not in my family type thing. So having him commit suicide was hard because it was like what and how and why. We those were the questions that went through my mind, and then with my youngest brother, um I had the mindset of as long as he was locked up, he was safe and he was safe from the things out on the street, not thinking. Again, I think we think about not in my family, not thinking. Um, one of the things my grandma said was people think the battle is on the in in the streets, but the battle is actually when you go inside the prison. You have to, you have to, it's a whole different type of battle.

SPEAKER_03 6:35

Yes, it is is mainly a mental battle.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Especially if you're uh not with the right people, yeah. You know, that could be uh a determinant factor of how your time and your life ends up, you know. Either you do the right thing and make it out or do the wrong thing and never make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Yeah. So I I that was that was the hardest part, it was because it was the unexpected.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

So um how do you handle the un at the unanswered questions?

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Like the why that was hard. I don't have an answer for that because that was the hardest part of I would say mostly with my oldest brother Travis and Tayshawn because um I mean it was so for Tayshawn, I can remember saying at his funeral, um I was getting up praying to and talking to God and saying, like, can you please help me give me strength? And then I can remember, I was so angry with God, I I could remember praying, saying, what the fuck? Like literally, because I could not grasp like what was happening right now, to the point I can remember calling my best friend Empress, and uh I was on my floor, like literally crying. My mom was on the way, and I could she was like, I don't understand what you're saying at this point, and I just kept saying why, why, why, why, why, why, why. And I think I never processed the whys um until I started like getting into this field and helping other people, like coming in contact with other people. It was like, I lost a brother, I lost a dad, I lost a sister to overdose, I lost a family member to suicide, and like being able to talk with them and say they would ask the same question, why? And I would be like, Sometimes we really don't know, we really don't understand until later on.

SPEAKER_03 9:18

Do you think you have have did you suffer from survivors remorse?

SPEAKER_00 9:24

When you say survival's remorse, you know how like the they there they're gone.

SPEAKER_03 9:35

Why could it should have been me? Oh bad because you're still here and um I did.

SPEAKER_00 9:45

I wrote I told you though, I already told it.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

And and and for real, don't wipe it to it.

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Um so that day I did. I I remember having that conversation with my mom.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

Um look, you needed that one. Wait, are you are you gonna start out listening with the I don't know?

SPEAKER_00 10:20

I remember having a conversation. My mom had came and she got me called, and so I remember asking why why not me um when my brother had died, but I think people were so focused on keeping me sane because I was pregnant with my older son, and I was high risk of miscarriaging him because of the miscarriages before. So people were kind of like trying to keep me focused that I really didn't have time to um stay focused on why not me. But for my youngest brother, I could remember sitting on the side of the bed, and I said, I said, Mom, why does this keep happening to the people so close to me and not me? And she broke down crying and she said, Um, you don't know how much I've prayed for you. And I didn't want to hear that because I was like, I could think about all I could think about was my stepmom um going like losing my brother. And I knew that at the moment she wasn't strong enough to to deal with it, but I knew my mom, if something would have happened to me, I knew my mom could handle it, you know. Um so I I asked that question so many times, like, because I knew the people around me that was my family, my friends, they could handle it. But I knew the people that it was happening to could not handle it. Um my older brother died. My my young my nephew was one. He was one year old.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

And how old is he now?

SPEAKER_00 12:22

He is so Josiah, or maybe 13, no, 14. He'll be he's 15. Um, he's 15.

SPEAKER_03 12:32

Yeah, you know, like you never know how fast time passes when somebody passed away. But um my father passed away when I was 13 and I just turned 50.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

You know, um, and and the reason I said that because when I went, when he passed away, I didn't cry. Yeah, I held it, I held it together until I went to the funeral, and that's when I broke down. Like it really sunk in that, okay, he's gone, you know. And that day, I believe that day changed me completely because I no longer had somebody, male figure over me. You know, I I thought that I became a man that day because at that point I thought I had to take care of myself. You know, take care of my mom and my sister. I thought that my days of being a child was over. And I believe that had a lot to do with a lot of the decisions I made. But it can't never be the why would never know. And they say you're not supposed to question God, but in a lot of situations, that's the only thing you can do. You know, like to make sense of what's going on, like why, why me, or why that, you know what I'm saying? Because the why will kill you, you know, because always with I think I could have did something.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

And then you you take on some some some blame or some guilt that you have no reason for taking it, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 14:24

And that's true.

SPEAKER_03 14:26

Um first off, you know, remember I told you I was a therapist.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Oh, I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

I'm not. Believe me now.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

So my bad. I apologize. I took on a lot of, so you know, I'm it was my oldest brother, and uh then it was me, and then it was um our we have twin brothers, and then it's it was my youngest brother. So with my oldest brother, I took on a lot of like I I should have did this, I could have did this. Why didn't I pick up on that conversation? Because I thought maybe I could have changed his mind up until you know he did it. And then with my youngest brother, I took on a lot of guilt because I was like, maybe I should have been harder on him. Maybe I should have said, you know, stay out the street, maybe I should have, you know, taken more time or whatever with him. Um, and I know me and his other sisters, you know, we would have conversations about that because we we were the oldest, you know, we felt like the shoulda, coulda, woulda. And that that was um that was hard.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Do you think um being religion kind of messes with you when it comes to people dying to you because of of that, like, you know, how um somebody somebody passes away is always they're in a better place? God called one of the angels and all that, but I think at that moment we're not ready to hear that. We don't even want to hear that, you know. So, with that, how do you think that the death shaped you and um changed your perception of things of the full and did it make you uh afraid to allow people in? Did it make you push people away? Did it make you just shut down completely? Uh, because there's a lot comes with that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

So um with losing Teshawn, it definitely um, it definitely shaped me. It exposed, it it made me open my eyes to a lot of stuff. Um because the way things happen, we had a lot of people in our face that um it kind of takes me back to uh Psalms 23, where it was like, Yeah, do I walk through the valley of the shadow of death? Because we had a lot of people at the um repass where I was trying to grieve, and I could feel the tears coming, but I could hear God saying stay focused. Um, because we had people amongst us that knew had a part in his death, and that was hard. That was very hard. Um but it it I feel like made me rely on God more because I went through a lot from March to April, end of April, um, and then I had to really rely on God where they say I I could have lost my mind, yeah, because I can remember it was Easter, and my friend Jamal came over, and I was at that breaking point, and Jamal could tell, like he kept saying, just take a ride with me. But I knew I was I was I was on the verge of breaking down, and I didn't want to be in a space where somebody couldn't handle me because the day of his funeral, um I'm literally burying my brother, and I'm getting text messages um about how I'm not paying attention to at the time my spouse, and they were going to kill themselves and all this stuff. So the next day I spent nine hours in an ER checking them in, they were gonna kill themselves. And then I was just starting classes, so that that Eastern, Jamal could tell I had totally gone silent on all my friends, and Jamal came, just so happened to come by, and he said, just take a ride with me. I was like, no, that evening, the ambulance is at the house because I was having meant to break down. I I remember calling my pastor that evening once he had left and the ambulance late, she was like, I need you to rest. I called her pastor and I said, Why is this happening to me? I really, I really need to know why. And he was like, You ain't gonna know why. Not not today, not next month, not next year. I think it really, it really like I couldn't stay angry for too long because I needed God more than anything in that moment. I I couldn't rely on nobody else but God in that moment. And so I could understand why somebody gets angry and gets upset and questions why and and push God to decide. I can wholeheartedly understand that. Um but at that moment, I I couldn't do that because I I my life was literally like crumbling in the midst of me, and I still had to try to hold it together because I had kids.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

You know, um what I do know about death is once you're conditioned, you never look at it the same and never make you feel the same. Like it'll take some very like really, really, really close for me to share a tear. Uh by seeing so many people lose their life um over the years, it's like I can't even count no more. You know, but uh uh a friend he just lost his mom. Um and when I said seen that it hurt, you know, I felt it, you know, because uh we grew together in the in uh the projects. Hey, I lived in a suburban, they lived in Dorchester. Miss T was uh a good lady, you know, and I've I only had good memories of her, you know, and I didn't think that it would bother me until really I didn't I'm gonna rephrase that, I didn't realize how much it had affected me until yesterday when I was at the hospital talking to my You know, and I asked her by seeing by her outliving all of her friends, how does it make her feel? And her answer was, you know, like she's accepted it and and and fearful at the same time, you know, um, because I'm starting to outlive some of my friends, and I understand it. We and it's not the same anymore, you know. I it's just hard, you know. And I don't think we're ever fully prepared for it, but I believe that uh if we if we reach out to the people that we know got our back, it can help us through the process. But I but I think most of the time we shut down instead of reaching out.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

I I definitely agree with that. Um, so one of the things my counselor wanted to do was uh call it grief therapy, and I kept every time she would try to bring something up, I would just I would just and so today happened until finally um when I had that breakdown. I I had to tell her. Um and she she said, So are we gonna address it or are we gonna keep pushing it down? And I was like, I'm gonna address it, but it was really because I said I went from burying my brother to spending nine hours in the ER checking in my ex-husband. And when I got home, I didn't have time to be having a mental breakdown. My kids still needed me, you know. Um, it was it was no time, and I was still in school. I had just started school, where if I didn't make a certain grade, I didn't get financial aid. So I was really in a in survival mode.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

I and I also think like coming from our culture, we are forced to heal quickly.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

You know, we can't sit back and be like, poor me, you know, it it happened. Deal with it, let it go, you know.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

And for me, and and I think it's hard too for a lot of people that suffer with depression because you kind of like toggle between not staying in it because you fear that if you do stay in it, it's gonna keep you there. And so for me, it kind of like took me back to how my daddy raised me, like push the shit off your shoulder and keep it moving. You don't show no weakness. So I I had to keep moving, and I felt like I had to grieve in silence because every time I would try to grieve out loud, it was like the person I was with was kind of like wanting to bring the attention back on them. So I didn't have a safe space of grieving but in count. Um to a point that July, my friends, they came down and they was like, oh no, we're gonna, we gonna, we gonna shut this down, we're gonna get this together. And I needed that. I need I needed that. And it I think that families need to stop making people be on their time with things or try to push things underneath the rug when it doesn't fit into their criteria of a family. Um because it really causes people to not get the healing in the in the closure that they need.

SPEAKER_03 26:02

I think I think people think that grief has to look a certain way. But it it it comes in all the shapes, sizes, clubs, colors, whatever. You know, how I grieve isn't how you grieve. Like when I was using drugs, that'd be how I grieved. Like I'd go get hats and I couldn't feel the pain. But you know, once I came down, it was still there. And shutting down and isolating, I don't I I don't know if that's all the way uh an unhealthy thing, because I feel like sometimes you need to get by yourself so you can think and so you can process. But I think if you stay there too long, that's when it really becomes unhealthy. Yeah, you know, and when your friends came, I think that was probably the right time for them to come because it allows you to go through some feelings before they got there so you can deal with the real issue at hand.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:05

Yeah, I'm killing it today.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

And when you say, you know, you was you using drugs is how you would have processed grief. Well, I lost my youngest brother, like alcohol was my thing. Um, and if I'm being honest, I struggled with it as an adolescent. Like that was meeting alcohol, that was my my go-to. But do you not know with his death? Every time I would try to drink alcohol, I could not get a buzz. I could not, I could not get a buzz to the point I remember going out to eat, I was with two of my friends and my mom, and my one friend said, I know what you're trying to do. Stop. And I was like, he was like, it's not working, just stop.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

You know, I struggle with alcohol also as a uh teenager, right? And my father passed away from alcoholism. I mean, he died, and they found him three days later at the kitchen table dead. Like it wasn't like yeah, it was horrible. Um but when I turned 21, I stopped drinking. And and and and now I'm just like that's why he was the reason I stopped drinking. And you know, you never know what uh I don't know how to put this like sometimes somebody's death could be that driving force in your life to do something, you know.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

I totally believe that because I I had an addiction to food. Um but when Tayshan died, I couldn't eat to the point when I did eat. Usually I would have been grazing on food. Like I'm I'm eating, but when I did eat, I would get sick. So the day of his funeral, um my sister, she was like, I said, I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I said I got the old dog on the pass out. And she said, Did you eat? And I said, No. So she was trying to force me to drink a protein shake, and the more I kept drinking it, the more I kept feeling sick. And now anything that's stressful comes in my life, I don't eat. You know that because I started losing weight, and you were like, What is going on too?

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Yeah, I just want that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 29:46

Oh whatever. But I don't eat now. I I I will it's it's something about it. It it just so when you ask, experiencing it's experiencing grief defines you. I feel like people experience grief all the time, right? But I think it takes that one thing, whether it's a death or um closure from a relationship or whatever, that defines you into who you are or who you're becoming. Um, because I just think it takes that one thing to kind of be like, I ain't doing this no more, you know, I ain't doing that no more. I got I have a member who just lost her stepfather, and she said, and she's pregnant, and she said, usually by now I would have been drinking. I don't even want to drink.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

Hmm. Let me make a this disclaimer real quick.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

All right.

SPEAKER_03 30:48

Um I know you hear me laughing and joking, and and I know this is a serious subject. That is just the way that I handle brief. I have to joke through it. Just so I can handle it.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

But if people get really get to know you, that's how you actually process things.

SPEAKER_03 31:10

That's the only thing I know how to do. I don't know how to do another one.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

But when you're serious, serious and you're not playing.

SPEAKER_03 31:16

When I put my foot down or something, uh you get you get the serious down.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

Wow, I got the biggest fall down. That's crazy. Not the biggest.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

I just want to put the big but that's how that's how people that's how if they know you know you then that's how you really are.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

But you know, um that's the way that I handle a lot of stuff. You know, and I think a lot of us do. We just don't have somebody that bring it out at the time we need it. But all any comedian can find comedy in death.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

Any good comedian, you know. So death ain't always a bad thing, you know. To be completely honest, a lot of people that's dead deserve to die. They just ain't, you know, a lot of people didn't deserve to die neither, but a lot of them that really did need it, you know, because they did something to deserve it.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

I think one thing I I appreciate when you made that comment. I saw you, your mom was in the hospital, she had just got surgery, and you went in there joking with her. And I'm looking at you like, this is a serious moment right here.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Yeah, I want to thank you for uh uh uh letting me uh for coming down there and being my support because I I don't have anybody to support me. Thank you for uh being a friend to me. You know, I need a co-host, you know, friend, you you look good, friend. You you um you just sometimes you're just so uh strict.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

And that's when I don't come around for a while and you be like, Well, yeah, I'm making I ain't got time to hear that mess. You know what I mean? I'm keeping it real with you.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Whatever.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

But thank you for that, you know. Um we need good people in our lives to help us with uh tough and serious um things that come up, you know. Yeah, so I'm just I'm just stuck on the fact that you had um some good friends to come in your life and help you do that. Because, you know, I got two people, quote unquote, friends that surround this area that when I'm going through something, I can call it, you know, and at first I didn't have one, you know. Um, and at first I wouldn't be willing to share where I'm at with nobody, you know. Uh I would breathe in silence. That's when I was allowed to grieve. Now I don't know if I grieve or I just um really deeply think about stuff. Because my mom being in the hospital has been really bothering me. And me trying to um navigate everything I got going on in life, I really don't have time to sit down and really process what's going on. Because I'm afraid I'm gonna get stuck in that. You know, uh, because she's 82, you're gonna turn 83, and I know when she does pass, it's really gonna hurt, you know. Um but I know I have some good people that they're not gonna allow me to fail or fall. And if I do fall, they will be there to help pick me back up, you know. I gotta have something that's gonna be there to catch me. You know. And it's just the thing is I don't think you can prepare for it, but I think a person should get as close to preparing for it as possible. Like before it happens, uh, gain some acceptance of the matter. Like I did I've done. Um I talked to my mom. I think she has also, you know. I don't think my sister has. And when her when my sister's dad passed away, I wasn't sad because he passed away. I was sad because my sister was going through the things she was going through. You know, and I know the difference. You know, uh because when you love something or someone and you lose it, you don't know how it's gonna happen. You don't know how it's gonna affect you. You don't know what you're gonna do. Yeah, you can only pray and try to do the best that you can with what you got. So I I and I'm just saying that because um been around you and uh and you know, spending time getting to know you, you know, working with you, uh business and stuff like is you're a strong person. I know that. You know, I know I know that everything that you've been through has helped to uh make you who you are. I know that. I know like, okay, you're about business, you know what I mean. And I know you got a big heart, but I also know that you're careful for I guess who you um share that heart with, you know. Um I know you care for a lot of people because of the stuff you do, the work you do, the internship, you know, it takes a heart to do that type of stuff.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

So my question for you is what is your driving force now to continue doing what you're doing and to be there to have other people get through what you I mean I I know it shouldn't be my my main driving force, and I know I can't not make it not make another person overdose and die or have someone experience suicide in their family, but losing my brothers is my driving force and have raising two young men, you know, and and praying that that they don't have to put me through that or put their or their children's children don't have to put you know put them through that. Um that that's my my job, of course, because there's a lot of people out here doing the work in social work or being peers, but they're doing it for all the wrong reasons. But the flip side to that is, and I just had a conversation a midterm with my my professor where the conversation was, I am so compassionate that the fear of being me becoming compassion fatigue can happen. So I have to try to balance it out because when I hear somebody overdosed and died or has committed suicide, I have to try to not get too involved in it because I know that it could sometimes affect me. I have I have a a youth or teenager in adolescent Iop. He looks a little bit like my brother, he has the same hair as me, and I uh as him, and I just look at him and I'm like, and it's hard for me to not when I'm speaking to him, not come off as you need to do this because out of fear, but out of compassion and love. I want what's best for you. So I have to try to I have to try to balance it out. And it's it's very hard. It's it's very hard, especially when you work in the field that I'm in, because you come across it all the time.

SPEAKER_03 38:50

Okay, so to all the people who's watching this is gonna kind of watch this, um, what do you want to tell them? About grief? Whatever you want to tell them.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

What I want to say is um as we all know, that grief is something that you can't stop or you can't avoid. But coming from, I want to speak to the strong people that no matter how strong you are, you still gotta, oh my gosh. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 39:36

My mama ain't raised no pump.

SPEAKER_00 39:41

Um my daddy was here, he'd be like, what's I can't remember who was saying it, but he'll be like, push that shit out of me. And I was his only girl, too. All right, um, but no matter how strong you think you are, you still it's okay to still be soft, and it's okay to express those feelings and ask for help. Because if you don't, you're gonna find yourself. I was on that day, that one Easter day, having a mental breakdown and not being able to comprehend what was actually going on in that moment. And for some of us, it can end very badly. It can, if you do struggle with addiction, you can turn left very quickly. But if you struggle with mental health issues, it can also have you end up in a place that you don't want to be. Um, so talk to your people, go to counseling, process through it. Um, and it's okay to be vulnerable when you're the strong person and say, I'm suffering right now, I'm having these problems, I'm I'm needing help because if you don't, your process through grief is going to possibly have you end up in a place that you don't want to be mentally, physically, emotionally, all the above. Um, so that's my take on and my takeaway for you for grief.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Okay, I mean, I feel like um grief is a part of life, but how you grieve is a force in life. Um, I don't feel like you should grieve in silence, but you can grieve out loud, you know, and you can't allow nobody to dictate how you grieve.

SPEAKER_01 41:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

As long as it's not um, as long as it's healthy, like you're not doing unhealthy things while you're grieving, grieve. You know, and if you are doing some unhealthy things, process it and get help. That's because it can lead you down a um a dark road, you know, and some of us go down that road and never come back, you know. Um but that's the thing about life. You never know until you gotta go through it, you know. And you never know how it's it affects you until you get on the other side of it.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:11

So I just want to say don't allow um greed to hold you hostage. Um deal with it, process it how best you can, and uh keep it pushing because you know, when you lose, um you still got it all. You know, because when that life is over, your life's still going.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

And sometimes when somebody's life is over, that's when your life begins. That can happen.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

So I just want to say thank you for allowing me to uh interview you. You know, um make me cry.

SPEAKER_00 42:43

Is this payback from when I did your video?

SPEAKER_03 42:46

No, I didn't it's just you know, uh, I make you cry. You you you've your heart, your your compassion, your spirit, you know, the what you think you have uh went uh healed all the way from shows you that we still got some work to do.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

Yeah, because you know I cry about stuff that happened 30 years ago.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

Like that little house on the prayer.

SPEAKER_03 43:12

Yeah, yeah, when me and my mom, my sister's watching the house on the prairie, all three is on the couch crying. I seen a little dog running across the field, and it was a sad day. But I still cry movies. I still cry, you know.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

It's you know, like Jenny said, crying is like your soul to the laundry and watching your grandma smile.

SPEAKER_03 43:37

Well, it is, man. It's it's good for you. You know, crying, let it out, y'all. And and and men, this is for you. Um just because you cry to mean to mean you're weak. And just because you cry, you don't gotta cry in a dog, you don't gotta cry in a child. Hell, you can cry in front of me. I cry with you. I'm gonna cry. I don't care nobody thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

We know. Got a whole video of it.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

Wow. I thought this was a safe space.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

It is. And you just listened to the Blinded Truth podcast, Turning Grief into Purpose, powered by Destiny is by choice, support the surfaces. If you're grieving someone you thought you would still be here, know this grief doesn't mean the story is over. Love doesn't disappear just because someone is gone. Sometimes the most powerful way we honor the people we lost is by how we choose to live after them. By the way, we show up. By the way, we fight for others. By the purpose, we build from the pain. Grief may always live in your heart, but purpose can grow from it too. Remember, your destiny is by choice, not by chance. Until next time, keep walking in your truth. Bye.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

Peace.