The Blinded Truth

Mistakes Don’t Define You… They Reveal You

• Destinnee • Season 1

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Everybody makes mistakes. Some break us. Some humble us. And some reveal the truth about who we really are. In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Blinded Truth, host and co-host Destinnee Vance and Eric Foster dives deep into how pain, failure, regret, addiction, trauma, bad decisions, and setbacks can either destroy you — or become the very thing that transforms you.

This episode is for the people carrying shame. The ones replaying old choices in their minds. The ones trying to heal while battling their past. Your mistakes are not your identity. They are revelations, lessons, warnings, growth, and proof that you survived what was meant to break you.

🔥 If you’ve ever struggled with:

  • Addiction & recovery
  • Trauma & mental health
  • Toxic relationships
  • Self-worth & identity
  • Anxiety, grief, or depression
  • Starting over after failure
  • Breaking generational curses

…this episode will speak directly to your soul.

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SPEAKER_00

Welcome to the Blinded Tooth Podcast, where real stories meet real healing. We are your host, Guest Me Vance and co-host.

SPEAKER_02

Eric.

SPEAKER_00

Today's episode is titled Mistakes Don't Define You, They Reveal You. We've all made mistakes, the kind that keep you up at night and play in your mind, the kind you wish you could undo. And if we're honest, some of us aren't just hearing from them, we're living in them, wearing them like labels and carrying them like weight. That's what it is about the truth. What if your mistakes didn't confirm, come to define you but reveal you? Your rooms, your patterns, and the places that need healing. Mistakes don't mean you're broken, they mean something needing attention. Today we're getting real about regret, shame, and what it looks like to stop identifying with your lowest moments and start growing from them because your story didn't end at your mistakes. This episode is powered by Destiny is by choice support services because your journey, your voice, and your truth matter. Take it away, Foster.

SPEAKER_02

Yo, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

Um I told you. This is this is your this is your thing.

SPEAKER_02

It was last minute though. Um mistakes not defining you. Uh for a long time, my I felt like they held a lot of weight.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Like what?

SPEAKER_02

How I responded to people, how I reacted to situations, and um what I thought I can do about my life.

SPEAKER_00

But I kinda I kind of say like, I don't think it defined you, but like I think a lot of times, or especially like with a person like yourself, your mistakes always remind you, can remind you. Because just seeing like what you went through with you know trying to get employment, it was kind of like, well, dang, you know, you want me to have this experience, but then you don't want me to have the background.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but it's not like I think people try to use your mistakes to define you.

SPEAKER_00

That's different.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, because they keep bringing it up or trying to hold over your head or um make you think that's what you are and that's what you're gonna ever be. Especially toxic people. They're trying to hold you in that box of your past or what you've done and the mistakes you have made. Even if you apologize and be like, I apologize for that mistake.

SPEAKER_03

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02

And eventually they'll bring it back up, like when they get mad at you or whatever. So it's not like people I guess some people do, but like a lot of people I don't think set out to just do stuff for the hell of it. Circumstances cause people to do what they have to do sometimes, what they shouldn't do.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But I guess at a certain point that you gotta come to grips with what you've done and be willing to be accountable for it. And whether or not um it's gonna define you or not, it's just that it is what it is. Yeah, you gotta be either to move on or you can be stuck in whatever you've done, you know, because what you do don't make you who you become unless you stay what you're doing. That's where you become that monster.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, we um I remember teaching in the mom's program at the jail, like the roller coaster of um redemption, I think it was called. And we talked about how it is, you know, when you come home, it's like the the honeymoon period where you know everybody's excited that you're home and the kids are connecting well with you and and you're in a good space and you're feeling hopeful and you want to do all the things, you know. And then there's a period where everything you do, so you start off high and then you come down, everything you do, they're starting to question every little thing that you do. And then your kids, or sometimes, depending on the situation, the kids are not receptive when they come home. And then we talk about that low point, and then you get back up because sometimes you show them better than you could tell them, but then there's a point where they're like, Are you going to get high again? Are you going to go hang with this person again? Are you going to go do this again? And I was like, then you go back down, and a lot of times people stay in that down part.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, almost three years clean, man. My sister questioned me right now if I'm using, you know, because that's what I did. You know, it wasn't not normal for me not to use. It was like I used for so long that they expect me to use. So now it's like, no, and I'm not trying to prove. I'm just trying to prove myself that whatever they got going on ain't got nothing to do with me, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Um but does it make you angry when they say stuff like that? Because I know like for a lot of a lot of people, it's the it's like I feel like that's the part of rebuilding your trust that is hard because trust is something that you just cannot get back a lot of times. And it's so hard to build. So when you've made mistakes, it's kind of like that's the piece that that it's hard for people to build again with that person because it's been broken, and it's it's not been broken like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven million times. So, like, do you get angry or do you feel some type of way or like what?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, at first I be angry, and and and normally it ends with I'll talk to you later, you know, until I process and be like, I can get it, I get it. I understand, you know, like I probably relapsed 50 times, and I guess they're waiting for I don't think they're waiting, but they'll probably wouldn't be surprised if I did it again. But more willingly, it won't happen. And I have built I have built a lot of trust with them. I think they're more with not wanting to be disappointed again, you know. Um and I I don't I don't want to disappoint him, but uh in the same token, I don't have anything to prove to him.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you know, um but that brings up a good point of what you said. It it just hit my mind. I think like trying to redeem yourself puts you in a a pretty slippery slope because with some people, not saying you, with some people because they get in this uh, I think it makes them get into this people-pleasing. So with some people, they get into a pleased a people-pleasing role because they're trying to prove their self. Where you, like you said, I ain't got nothing to prove, so I ain't about to sit here, I'll call you back. But with some people, they do get into this people-pleasing role where it's like, I'll do whatever you want me to do, I'll take the drug test, I'll, you know, say yes when I want to say no, or they'll be on the phone arguing with them instead of saying, I'll call you back.

SPEAKER_02

So I feel like redeeming, redemption. Um, I can't redeem myself when I'm a new person. I'm not that old person, so I don't have anything to redeem. It's like when I stopped, changed my life, I became new. Especially if I'm a uh reborn Christian. The word tells me.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

For real.

SPEAKER_00

But how long did it take you to get to that point where you feel like I don't got nothing to prove to you?

SPEAKER_02

I've always been like that, but it was with anger or with I don't care or effort. It wasn't with confidence in who I am now. Like I don't have anything to prove to you, and then it always came with the middle finger and some bad words, you know. Um keeping it real. It isn't like I don't have anything to prove to you, but I love you, sis. You know what I mean? And then I call her back up, like I'm not mad at you. She was like, excuse me, I don't give a fuck if you're mad at me, you know, and that's her, you know what I mean? I'm gonna do what I do, and I'm like, you are, you know, so and I love her for that though, and on the on the flip side of that, because I think we all need people to hold us accountable, you know, and she's been my second mom my whole life. And I don't want to I don't want her to think her hard work isn't going unnoticed because she was there in the projects looking for me too, you know. So I know she loved me, you know. Um and I know she just want to make sure that I'm gonna be there for her when she needs me. And you know, I believe that I am, you know, and it's not and has nothing to do with redeeming myself, it's just being able to be um, I guess accountable, you know, um someone that she can trust again or she can depend on, or she knows show up, you know. Like my mom in the hospital, I showed up, you know. I wasn't out there using it. So and in '90, in '92, my mom had a heart attack and I didn't know it because I was somewhere getting high, and I seen her, or she was having a heart attack and didn't know it. She got in the car and went to the emergency room, and she had a heart heart attack. And I was using so now to be able to go to the hospital and sit with her and kick it, you know, like I guess that's a little bit of redeeming, but I'm not doing it because of that. I'm doing it because that's my mom. I love her, and I always want to be by her side, you know. And she never let my mistakes define me. She never held them over my head. She's always there. She's my rock, you know. And no matter what happens, she'll get to see me this way before she goes to transition to another place.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So, what do you think is the hardest part for people to deal with their mistakes? Of dealing with their mistakes.

SPEAKER_02

Accepting um the things that they do. You know, because a lot of people coming from where I come from, I was just lucky I didn't have to, but they were subjected to do some crazy stuff to support their habits, you know, and then you get clean and had to realize that you did all that. And now you're on the other side, you're like, you know. But I don't think that you should really beat yourself up with the things you did, you know. Um because we all we all make bad choices, you know. Some of us make worse choices than other people. And if you if you stay stuck in it, that could be what keeps you stuck. Like you'll never be able to grow, you know. Um and it's the most beautiful thing is seeing somebody blossom to something, somebody that they never thought they could be.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, the most miserable thing is seeing somebody stuck at a place where you know that they can be much better.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I do think acceptance is a big one because, like, you know, in today's age, everybody likes to throw into your face what you've done before. But I I don't be caring. I'll be like, if you want to, if you want to post it on Facebook, social media, that says a lot about you. Because I'm pretty sure there's some things you don't want people to know about. But at the same time, I feel like your mistake can be a testimony to somebody else. You know, I can't, I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you like what I went through when I made this mistake or how I felt. Like, I don't when I have people come and ask me about, you know, getting an abortion, I tell them, I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what it was like for me. You know, because and I don't, at first I used to hide that. I used to be like, I don't want nobody to know about that, you know. But now I be like, it is what it is, because I know some people that have done worse things than I done done.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So if that's what you hold accountable, you know, hold against me, then what you need to sweep behind your own door.

SPEAKER_02

But but it's like when people, I believe, like when people do stuff like that, I don't think it has anything to do with you.

SPEAKER_00

No, it has everything to do about them.

SPEAKER_02

And I say that because my family stopped inviting me to functions years ago. But I didn't want to go never. I never went anyway. So how can you stop inviting me too? But I never went, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. My my um, so our family is planning a a family reunion. And me and my cousin was talking about it when she was cutting my hair and she was like, Are you going? I said, Yeah, I ain't going. And I said, the crazy thing is, my mama had brought up, you know, hey, did you realize that, you know, when y'all trying to plan it, that's when school comes back into play. So, you know, they was talking about, she's like, you know, Destiny, and you know, talking about my cousins and stuff, all of us that got kids, they're gonna be trying to get ready for their kids to go back to school. And so one of my family members was like, Well, we really ain't concerned about that. I said, I said she's telling me I'm gonna come anyway. I don't even know why you think about that because y'all like to know you, y'all like to have us show up just to see like what's going on. How you how you doing, just so you can go back and forth. And then it says, I don't want to be around it. I don't I don't want to be in a place where I feel like I have to have my guard up and have to have a guard for my kids because I don't know what y'all gonna see out y'all's mouth.

SPEAKER_02

And you know, like me and my mom and my sister, we were outcast, right? We was in the projects, stayed in the projects, blah blah blah. Everybody else had houses, good jobs, money, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right. But right now, I can say that we got better lives, you know. Um, and it hasn't not have anything to do with material stuff. It's like we love each other, we're there for each other, uh, we spend time with each other. Um part of the family done grown. Um, my mom's got three grandkids, about seven great grandkids, uh new um got a brother-in-law, my nephew's got a girl, he's married, you know. It's like we made our own bubble where I think nobody can even judge us or hold anything that we've been through against us, you know, like out of all that, my sister's doing better than any of them. You know, um, I feel like I'm doing better than them. Yeah, you know, um, um, because and I have a peace of mind, you know. I I don't have to never, never look down on people think, you know, I ain't got time for that, you know, because I know.

SPEAKER_00

Do you feel like with your mistakes you know, since your mistakes are out there in the open, that I'm just saying, I just saying, do you feel like um kind of like ain't nothing they nobody can really call you on because it's already like you already knew that, so why you call me on it? Because like I'm the family member where everybody probably pretty much knows my business.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

And so, but it's kind of like when I step into the room, ain't much you can really say about to me or about me, because I already, you know what I'm saying? Like, it ain't gonna be appalling, like, oh my gosh, you knew that about me, you know? Like, do you feel like ain't nothing you can shame me with?

SPEAKER_01

It ain't really nothing they could regardless, you know, like first off.

SPEAKER_02

They don't know how to take me because they probably think I blew the building up. So I know they wouldn't say nothing in my face, but um, behind my back, I'm pretty sure. Um, but I don't care. Who are they, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And my family, I love them, but their their opinion don't don't mean anything because for one, they've never gave me no money, they never housed me, they never put food on the table or clothes in my back. So when I was homeless, where were they? You know, so they can't say no, but they can say, You was homeless, you was gonna go. Please, I tell the world that. You know, that's part of the story, you know. Maybe you need to sit down and listen. I can tell you, you know, a few things too. Yeah, maybe it can help you become a better person. And this is not a shot at my family. Some stuff that's never been addressed, um of how I felt about how they treated us, you know. Yeah, but I'm cool with it because you know, I don't have to go to the events. Like, I don't have to go to no family units, I don't have to go to birthdays, I don't gotta do none of that. I can do what I want to do with the people that I want to do it with. And just because your blood don't make you family.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I love you, family, if you watch it. I love you. Don't get it twisted. Don't call my mom and my cousin tripping. Because I will show up. That's crazy. Crazy, I know, but hey, it is what it is. Um destiny, it is what it is. I had to throw that in there.

SPEAKER_00

That's crazy. Well, I think so. What is one thing that you had to work through when people try to because I know at some point, like if somebody does something in your face.

SPEAKER_02

Not cussing them out.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, you may not think it, but I've cussed a few people out of my life, like for real. I've only had to put my hands on a couple people. I don't like that. That ain't me. Um, but I will cut you out. Just like that.

SPEAKER_00

You ain't like putting your hands on people. Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_02

No, because man, you hurt somebody, you going to jail. I wanna go for that. I I wanna go with someone that's five years or less. Right just won't be starting at 10 to 20. No, sir. I can't do no 20 years. Pretty as I am.

SPEAKER_00

No, I'm not five of you for that. Yo, that was wild. They starting to see a little bit more of you because. That is crazy.

SPEAKER_01

Yo, you don't want to want it for me to be like.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So I was supposed to be behind the camera today, but things happened, and now I gotta be in front of the camera today. I had a whole outfit picked out, pajamas.

SPEAKER_02

That was dead.

SPEAKER_00

Behind the camera, yes.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but you had to go all the way out there and me showing up in them people placing no pajamas. I know you wouldn't. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

I showed up to the pastor's house in pajamas.

SPEAKER_02

You sure did.

SPEAKER_00

I sure did. I sure did. See, ain't nothing that you can call me on.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, Pastor E, pray for.

SPEAKER_00

Ain't nothing you can show me on. I don't care about that.

SPEAKER_02

So, quick question. What you how you feel about um tomorrow? Easter? Yeah, I know this could be aired later, but just give me a tape.

SPEAKER_00

It's Easter.

SPEAKER_02

I'm saying it because of being judged on your past and things you're doing and Jesus that happened to him.

SPEAKER_00

I I don't have that. I don't I don't let that. I don't let something. Like, I'm not one of those people that go to church because, you know, like I gotta, I gotta.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I'm going because I got a new suit. How about that?

SPEAKER_00

I don't go because it's like it's Easter. Like, I'm gonna I'm gonna go regardless.

SPEAKER_02

Are you gonna judge me for that?

SPEAKER_00

No, I don't judge nobody when when it comes to church. I don't judge nobody at all. So if somebody comes in there literally and be like, and they they look like they literally ran out of bed, I'm gonna treat them the best. We have a guy in our church now, white guy. You can tell, you know, he's going through some things, and he you can tell he he feels probably a little bit out of place. And I speak to him every single time because I want him to feel comfortable when he comes in, you know what I'm saying? And I think like when it comes to holidays, like Mother's Day, um, Mother's Day, Easter, like I went to a Pentecost church that you knew there was people coming up in there. It probably was high, and I probably was one. And they they was coming to support because their mama wanted them and their parents wanted them to come to church. So why are we so worried about what somebody got on when somebody is literally coming to church because they may be on their last, like this might be the last hope.

SPEAKER_02

You remember you asking the other day, um, has I ever went to church high? Yes. And I was like, one time I know uh You probably had to go because your mama said come to church.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, right. You you don't know what people is going through. And that ain't the that I don't I don't like I like the fact that it's Easter. I like the fact that you know Mother's Day coming up, whatever.

SPEAKER_02

But I didn't do it on when I could go because I I don't play with God. I don't play with him. If I want to judge you, I'm just like so um what are you going to resurrect in your life?

SPEAKER_00

I'm still working on releasing control and and not and not being and uh not r oh I'm trying to put it working on trauma responses because I realize like when I'm rushed and I'm last minute, like I've always operated and I can work off of last minute rushness and stuff like that. Um and I'm realizing that that even puts me in a more panic mode. Like if I feel like I gotta rush somewhere, like yesterday I took my niece and nephew and them to skate ring. It's supposed to start at 11. To me, I'm supposed to be there at 11, but I was rushing, and I had to really get in the car and be like, I'll get there when I get there, you know, because I'm realizing when I'm when I'm in that mode, it really is um, it's really keeping me in a survival trauma mode. So, and I I used to hate those pieces about myself. Like I used to hate the part that I'm OCD. If something's out of place and I know it was in a little bit to this way, I I used to hate that because in my mind, if I don't move it now, it's it's gonna keep bothering. I used to hate that. I used to hate those pieces about myself. I used to hate because I was, I I gave my mama so much, you know, people knew me as the trouble kid. You know, they knew my brother and sister as the good kids. You know, I used to hate that people would come up to her and be like, How your daughter doing? The one that gave you so much trouble. And I used to cuss them out, like, what you doing going up to my mom? Literally, I find you on Facebook, tag you in the post. Now we there.

SPEAKER_03

But that's great.

SPEAKER_00

Shouldn't have laughed because now people think I'm crazy. But I used to hate those pieces about myself, and so I was happy when I got married and my last name changed because then they couldn't recognize, oh, that's that's the same.

SPEAKER_02

Do you really think that just because your last name changed and the picture didn't?

SPEAKER_00

No, it did not because I was still the same person until I started working on those things, and so I had to, it wasn't until recently, I would say within the last three years of when I started really accepting, like, and and saying, like, okay, this is who I am, but I can kind of redefine that piece. Like, like, yes, I suffer with anger issues, but that doesn't have to define me too of who I am. Yes, I have OCD, but that doesn't have to define me of who I am. So like it accepting like this is who I am, but it doesn't have to define me. So I I'm always constantly like, but I don't choose uh Easter Sunday or something like that to be like, I'm gonna work on this. I try to choose every day to say, all right, I'm gonna work on this, or I didn't do this today, but I'm gonna do it tomorrow. Because if we allow those minor mistakes and hiccups to, it's just like if you relapse, you know, you you literally define you and you sit in it, what is that doing? It's just causing you to dwell in something that is not better in you, it's it's part of the process.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I'm gonna work on not minimizing the things I do because I feel like it's minor, but to other people it could be major, you know. I I look at it like this is me thinking, well, there's so much other stuff going on in the world, like that is nothing, you know.

SPEAKER_00

But that's because you've been through bigger traumas, bigger things in life that you've had to see where like and I could probably speak like for us, like the bigger stuff is probably like oh okay.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but it doesn't give me the right to just do it, yeah, yeah. Um because you know, it's like I know it's minor, but I don't have to do a lot of the stuff I do. I choose to, and then I'd be like, let's see how this turns out, you know. And it don't never turn out good. I always had to sit in it for a long time and feel bad for a long time. But when I didn't care about people's feelings, I didn't care at all, you know. But now I don't want I don't want to be the person who makes my feel you know crazy. You know what I'm saying? I can help it, I'm gonna work on it, you know, and respect the people's boundaries and their feelings and not allowing my past to make me think that I can do what I want to do, you know, because I've been doing that for so long. And it normally got me in some bad situations.

SPEAKER_00

I think there's this thing, psychology, I think it's Freud is who Sigma Freud.

SPEAKER_02

Sigmund Freud.

SPEAKER_00

I think he's the one that came up with this theory, but it's it talks about um the position of the child in the if I wasn't talking about it, I would know. But it's like it talks about the first, you know, the first child, the middle child, the last child. Usually, depending on when that where that child is born, is how they act, how they respond. So you are the last child, and I'm pretty sure there's a huge gap between you and your sister.

SPEAKER_01

Four years.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Which meant you are the lone wolf because y'all are four years apart, just like my brother and me, we're 12 years apart, and then my sister and him are six years apart. Hold on. So a lot of the things that you've had to experience is alone. So to you, minor is minor because you probably didn't get in trouble for minor stuff, just like my brother. Minor was minor because it was dust underneath the rug. Like, that's okay. I ain't never getting in trouble either.

SPEAKER_02

I never got in trouble.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, now we're in therapy session.

SPEAKER_02

You're trying to show us what your education is paying for. Absolutely. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00

But that's why you respond the way you respond, because a lot of stuff you didn't get in trouble for. But us older kids, probably like your sister, I mean, we got in trouble for everything.

SPEAKER_02

My mom taught me smoking at 13, and that was a wrap. Oh, my trouble days are over. I started drinking and smoking at 13 years old. And back then it was like, if you don't smoke and drink, do it at home because I know where you're at, because I know you're gonna do it anyway. So my house was the party house on the weekends.

SPEAKER_00

So let me ask you this because you minimize a lot of things. Do you feel like they made you minimize your mistakes? And to you, they weren't like big deals, but to other people it was like, has he lost his mind?

SPEAKER_02

I don't think so because most of my mistakes, I had to go get locked up for them. It wasn't like I was making a whole bunch of mistakes on the street. I make a mistake, I'm going to jail, I'm going to prison, I'm going to rehab. That was about it. I ain't hurt people. I hurt myself.

SPEAKER_00

So did you, when you would go to jail, would you be like, all right, I'm gonna do these 30 days, I'm gonna do this year.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. I'm gonna do this four years and see what happens. Or I'ma um, I'ma um get on trustee status, get the work release, knock some of the time off, and get back to doing what I was doing.

SPEAKER_00

So you minimized it because you knew the ins and out. Like you know what?

SPEAKER_02

That is crazy, right? Because one time I had got locked up, right? I was in jail about two days, and from the jail, I had to pass a CBS to get to my where I hung out. I left jail, went in the store, robbed the store, kept on moving. You know, um because I minimized while I was there for so yeah, I will minimize a lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_00

And this is why, this is why, and this is a good example, and thank you for sharing, because a lot of people don't understand why people do the way they the things that they do, and then they wonder why they get back incarceration because they know the ins and outs, and it's not as big to them until something big happens. Like I I used to tell people when I had this one girl, she had her third DUI, and I said, What is it going to take for you to kill somebody? And it did not, it did not.

SPEAKER_02

She was like, I ain't gonna kill nobody, and I was like, Okay, you do know that isn't such a thing as black privilege? Yes, I suffered from that back in the day because of my family last name and where I was at, and my people having a little bit of bread to get me out of trouble and stuff. I was like, I'm above the law, yeah, I am the law until you ain't.

SPEAKER_00

Until money can't buy. I I had an adolescent DUI, second DUI. I was looking at him, I said, okay, so axe, let me ask you this question. What is it gonna take? This is you're you're under the age of 18, and this is your second dui. But then you realize, and his mom could not understand why he kept doing the things he's doing. I'm sorry, he's homeschooled, and you let him hang with you during the day.

SPEAKER_02

But what changed that was when I went to court one time, and the judge looked at me and he was like, uh he said, Good morning, Mr. Foster. I was like, Good morning, sir. He's like, um, your family money can't save you today. I said, Okay. He said, Me again, he was like, You want to say anything? I said, Well, sir, do what you gotta do because I did what I had to do. And he said, Okay, I give you three years in the state penitentiary. And then I had to go to another court, and then I got to that court, and I knew he had told him like, Mr. Foster, I'm gonna give you four years in the penitentiary. So, but that changed my mindset until something happened. So I just my thing was don't do anything that I couldn't do the time for. So a lot of stuff I wouldn't do because I I I couldn't do the time. That's why I wasn't into like carrying guns and hurting people and stuff like that, because one, I don't want to be that guy. I didn't want to hurt nobody, but two, I didn't, I just I knew I couldn't do the time.

SPEAKER_00

Or the thought of having to because now you didn't pull the gun out. My dad used to always tell us, you're gonna pull the gun out and shoot, you better shoot.

SPEAKER_02

And and when I used to have the toe gun, I hated it because I knew eventually I would have to use it.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I didn't want to have to use it. Um and it wasn't because I wanted to, because of survival. And and and God made it so I ain't hurt nobody, I ain't killed nobody, ain't named nobody. Because that'll be a mistake that I don't know if I can live with. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_00

My my youngest brother, the reason why he got locked up was because this girl came to his girlfriend's house and he was messing with both of them. But anyway, she caused some problems. Well, she pulled a gun out on him. Well, what did he do? He got a newborn baby in the house, like literally three days old. He pulled a gun out, he shot. And his girlfriend could not understand why he shoot. I said, because our dad taught us this ain't this ain't something that you're gonna do because you want to show. If you're gonna get pull it out and shoot, you better shoot and then deal with the consequences of what you just did.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, because you don't want nobody coming back and doing you.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So we was taught if you're gonna shoot, shoot.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I guess the thing is be careful what you do because you gotta live with it, and it can't always not be a mistake. A lot of it could be a mistake, and I've been watching the news, man. So many people going to jail and prison for murder. Yeah, that's gonna define you. Imagine having life at 19 or 21, or I can imagine that, you know. For real. Yeah, yeah, it's been really good. Serious is this episode, but you know some things are needed to be and ain't a joking matter.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So some things you're gonna through. I mean, and you done, you ain't proud of, but I mean you ain't trying to hide it.

SPEAKER_02

And I guess it is like me still working through some stuff because I knew the topic, but when I sat back and start talking about it, it kind of changed my mood, you know. Um because I know some of the things I didn't have to do. And I shouldn't have done. But I done need it now and I can't take it back. I gotta live with myself.

SPEAKER_00

What's the um the step where you isn't there a step where you you um come to grips to with the stuff you've done? I thought there was a step. Or maybe it's in um celebrate recovery or smart recovery.

SPEAKER_02

The way you're wording it.

SPEAKER_00

I can't think like it's uh it's not uh oh my god, it's not gonna make amends. I thought that was but I thought it was the one where you have to face like what you had done.

SPEAKER_02

Um that's step four. When you gotta talk about it.

SPEAKER_00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

But that that's a step to always take a lot of people that gotta use it because you gotta come face to face with you.

SPEAKER_00

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

I did that a long time ago. It's a um Rubicon, they had a philosophy. Um, it says uh What's Rubicon? Rubicon was a treatment of enrichment, but it's it's um RBAK now. It was like out of time and space, we arrived here together to share the belief that there are no gains without pain, that to endure through life, you must struggle to meet the challenges, stand tall and straight in the faces of your worst enemy. That would keep you frightened, ignorant, and alone. Yes, yourself. You gotta look in the mirror. And it's nobody to blame but that man in the mirror.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

We try to, I guess, be better and do better. So your mistakes become less and less because you be more conscious of what you're doing and you worry about what the outcome is, and not be like the hell with it, you know. Um because uh a mistake can make a breaking. Yeah. So choose wisely. Especially for the young people choose wisely.

SPEAKER_00

Because they are handing out time like it ain't like it's candy.

SPEAKER_02

And if you're looking at this, use Pooh Sicey as an example.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my gosh. That's another episode. Yeah, how some people they just well, you've just listened to the blinded truth podcast. Mistakes don't define. You, they reveal you. Powered by destiny, it's by choice support services. If today's conversation hits you, sit with it. You are not your worst decision, you are not your lowest moment, and you are not disqualified because you get it wrong. Your mistakes didn't come to label you, they came to show you. They show you where you needed healing, show you where you needed growth, show you who you could become if you choose differently. Because growth starts when excuses end, and healing begins when you stop hiding from what hurts you. So don't run from your mistakes, learn from them, don't let them break you, let them build you. There is purpose in your process, there is power in your accountability, and there is freedom on the other side of facing yourself. Remember, your destiny is by choice, not by chance. And until next time, keep walking in your truth. Bye.