Life's Canvas: Turning Pain Into a Masterpiece of Love, Resilience & Service

Pain can either become your prison... or your greatest masterpiece.

In this powerful episode of The Blinded Truth Podcast, Co-hosts Eric Foster dive into an unforgettable conversation with guest Anthony McCauley about overcoming life's darkest moments and transforming them into a legacy of love, resilience, purpose, and service.

We explore what it truly means to heal without hiding, forgive without forgetting, and use every scar as proof that hope still exists. If you've ever questioned your purpose after heartbreak, trauma, loss, addiction, failure, or life's unexpected detours, this episode will remind you that your story isn't over—it's becoming a masterpiece.

You'll discover:

• How pain can become purpose.
• Why resilience is built in the hardest seasons.
• The power of choosing love when life gives you every reason not to.
• How serving others often becomes part of our own healing.
• Practical encouragement for anyone rebuilding their life.

This isn't just another conversation—it's an invitation to see your life through a different lens.

🎙️ The Blinded Truth Podcast exists to uncover real stories, raw conversations, and life-changing truths that inspire healing, hope, and transformation.

💬 We'd love to hear from you!

What chapter of your life became your greatest masterpiece?

Share your story in the comments. Your testimony may be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to the Blind True Podcast, True Shots, where real stories meet real healing. I'm your co-host, Eric Fosser. Today's podcast is titled Life's Canvas Turning Pain into a Masterpiece on Love, Resilience, and Service. We are honored to welcome a very special guest, Anthony McCauley, a three-time Amazon best-selling author with 18 published works, a certified peer support specialist, and the founder of the Males of Distinction Program. In this powerful conversation, we explore how life's greatest challenges can become the very burst strokes that create our most meaningful and purpose. Anthony's journey is a testament to the transformative power of resilience, showing how pain can be redirected into purpose, leadership, and service to others. Pain has a way of leaving marks on our hearts, but it also has the power to shape us, strengthen us, and reveal gifts we never knew we possessed. Today we discuss what it means to transform adversity into impact, heartbreak into hope, and personal struggles into acts of service that uplift individuals, families, and communities. This episode is a reminder that our scars do not diminish our beauty. They add depth, color, and meaning to the masterpiece of what we're becoming. Through stories of resilience, faith, love, perseverance, and service, we'll discover how every experience, both painful and beautiful, contributes to the unique canvas of our lives. This episode is brought to you by Destiny's By Trust Support Services because your journey, your voice, your truth. And today is gonna be a very, very, I think, meaningful episode. Because earlier when we was just chopping it up, we realized that we both share similar stories. And and and I, as me being in recovery, I've heard that if you listen long enough, you'll hear your story. You know, so but before we get started, can you just tell the audience a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah, sure. First of all, let me say thank you to the Blind Truth Podcast for hosting me today. And uh my name is Anthony McCauley. I'm from Thomasville, North Carolina, a home of Thomasville Furniture. And uh we don't have any furniture there anymore. We got some empty shell buildings on a Walmart. But uh anyway, I now reside in Pinehurst, North Carolina, which is the golfing. Uh I don't know if we have all the USGA tournaments there and everything, but I am 60 years old, and um I've lived a life of um my life has been good. There's been the good, bad, and the ugly. And um I'm just grateful to be here today. I am um also a school social worker at two elementary schools previous. Uh I'm now running for board of education in my county, and uh I've done some things in the field of mental health and trauma and uh become a subject matter expert as a lived experienced person. So you know what I mean by that. Yes, sir. And uh so, but I'm just grateful to be a part of of uh what's going on today, and it was it was a pleasure traveling here to sit with you and uh also I'm grateful to meet you, my brother. Thank you so much, yes sir.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Um I'm glad your travels were safe and um you made it. Yes, and hope you get to see the city. It's a beautiful place. Check out the star, you might like that. Okay, some reflection time, yeah. Yeah, and um I have uh a list of questions I may veer off. Yeah, it depends on which what direction this conversation goes. Okay. But the first one I'm gonna start with this take us back to the lowest part in your life.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

There has been, I bumped my head a lot of times, man. But I think the lowest one was the very last time when I decided that I wanted to do something different with my life. And for the audience, I want them to know that my life has stemmed from some addictive behaviors. Um, I did have a particular drug of choice and uh was not a reflection of how I was raised or anything like that. It's just in the early 80s, um, there was an epidemic that hit the streets of all across the United States, especially in black communities, uh, of cocaine, crack cocaine. And um, even though I found myself as an athlete, football, basketball, and I ran track, I found myself getting hurt my senior year in high school. Uh before that, every college wanted me. And I couldn't figure out what happened after I got my leg broke, that it seemed like nobody wanted me. But I did do a um a walk-on at a college, and I got hurt the very first day of practice. So I had to come back home because I wasn't on a scholarship. But this epidemic had hit the streets, and I was wondering why everybody, even some of my best friends, were um coming around, and I found myself trying to be a dealer and uh ended up getting high on my own supply. And um I'm very transparent about my story, so I I hope this is uh it is children. Young men and young ladies need to hear it as well because I'm not, I turn my life around. And uh the lowest point of my life was when I found myself in a jail cell and uh they transferred me to a prison. Didn't do much time. I did some probation violations, but the lowest point was finding myself in a jumpsuit with a bunch of men in the same outfit as me, and they feed me this nasty food, and I found myself, and it was horrendous, and it was nasty. And I said, you know what, this I've got to do something different. And then I did it again. I repeated the same cycle because uh I didn't learn my lesson. But but the lowest point was finding myself behind those walls with no control of my own and somebody telling me what to do all the time, and uh finding myself in an orange jumpsuit.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Okay, because you know, like it said that everybody rocks bottom, it's always a trapdoor at that bottom. So like I always been like, um, I would never do that, but in the end I end up doing it. Right. Like I would never be homeless, but in the end, I was homeless. That's right. You know, so it's just you never know what this disease would take us. Right. But the resilience part is you bouncing back and coming, you know, to your strongest point. Right. We're walking towards. Right, that's right. Bear with me. All right, so um you survive two overdoses. Were there a specific moment that made you realize something hard, something had to change?

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Yes, and um people always say, man, you can't you don't overdose on cocaine. Yes, you do. Uh, especially when you speedballing, especially when you mixing uh cocaine and heroin together, and uh you got uppers and downers, and and if you stay up for one week dehydrated with no food, and you rolling off of nothing but uh drugs in your system, my body folded up. I found myself uh convulsing on in the middle of a street, foaming at the mouth, and uh woke up in the back of an ambulance, pumping my chest the first time. And here's the insanity part of it. They cleaned me up, got me back on track, hydrated me, put put fluids in me, and uh as soon as I walked out of the emergency room, I made a phone call and did it and started right back over again. That's the insanity part of what was going on. But um, yeah, and and that the second time I overdosed, I tried to commit suicide. I was, I in that world of dealing with addictive behaviors, we do some of the craziest things like give a drug dealer a $40,000 car that you're working hard for every day just to just to keep your high going, just to keep your body going, just to keep you going in that moment. And I found myself going, this this is this is too low for me. So I walked from down a dark highway, and I mean it was dark. And I drove this highway plenty of times, but for this particular time, I started cramping up again. And I passed out, and I tried to crawl my way into traffic on I-85 northbound in Greensboro, North Carolina. I never get under a bridge. Someone called the ambulance and they came and got me. I tried to crawl out in front of traffic and didn't have enough strength to do that. So that was some low, that was some low moments in my life. After I got cleaned up that time, I decided something has to give. Something has to give. And for a few years, life was life was life and very well.

unknown 9:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

You know? So I asked that because of, you know, we was talking how our stories are similar, and I OBD'd twice also. And the last time. You remember how we was talking about like you dealing with high school kids and from the uh country club to the to the hood? Yes. Uh, and it's there's one sniff can take him out. This particular day, I'm walking across a parking lot, and a friend of mine asked me to help him do something, and I was like, What you gonna do for me? And they was like, I g I give you something. And they gave me one matchpad hit of fitna. The next thing I know, I was in the back of the ambulance. And they had tubes hooked up to me, working on me. But the insanity part was when I came out, I was ready to go again. Yeah. Like a few hours later, I'm I'm ready to get back to the madness.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

So that that just like it always made me think about other people and their situations, how they felt after the overdose. Yeah. Because I really didn't remember my overdose until months later when I had time in jail to think about what had just appro happened a couple months ago, and I was like, Eric, you almost died. Right. But a uh a person in long-term recovery all told me that every time that I decided to use drugs, I was trying to commit suicide. Right. And I get it now, you know. Um playing Russian roulette, man. Yes, sir, because you never know what you're gonna get when you do it. That's right. And especially now, you couldn't pay me to pick no drugs up. Right. You know, even if I wanted to. That's right. Because I know chances are I will die. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

You gotta play the tape all the way out. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Play the tape all the way out. And you know, and and and the thing about conversations like this, right? I don't think that we take the opportunity to have conversations before things go wrong. Right. It's usually after things go wrong. Like in the hood, when I'm beefing with somebody, they always want to let's go talk it out. Let's y'all should talk it out.

unknown 11:23

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

But when things go right, they don't suggest us just to talk.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

That's right. You know? And we as men don't talk, man. I'm that's one of the things that I do now is I want to be open and honest. Hey, man, look here. And even in the housing area where I go, I see the young men with guns and they're 20 years old. And they they don't mind, they will shoot you and go do the time like it's nothing. So my approach to them is, hey man, look here. I see you got your gun and everything. So it's it's all in your approach. So I believe now I talk, man. I talk it out, man. Look, we got to reason with this thing, man. Because I know for a fact, being in this field now and seeing young men out there on the streets now, there are some underlying issues of trauma that's taking place. Everybody has a story. What I'm finding out is more and more I talk to people, everybody has a story. Yes. I don't care. And that that I've met young men, Eric, who are carrying a gun because they gotta go buy dope for mama, and they seeing things at home and they just surviving. And they're involved in gangs so I see so much going on now that I'm I don't know why this is my testimony, man. Why did why did God choose me to be the one to be able to talk to anybody?

SPEAKER_01 12:52

And then you just said, why, but why not? So that's where I'm at with it. That's exactly what I say. You know, I think that's the hard part. Yes. Like, I didn't ask for that. Right. I didn't ask for this. That's right. Um the accountability part. Right. You know, um, and then holding yourself accountable. Right. You know, like the 2024 version of myself is not the 2026 version. No. You know, I I didn't really understand accountability until now. Right. You know, and I didn't understand like how I affect other people. That's right. You know, like not just the people, my family, not my friends, and talking about people who's on the outside looking in, who's watching me, looking for hope, looking for inspiration, seeing if I'm continuing the path, or am I gonna go back to the rock just to see if they can do it. Some people are afraid to talk to me about it, but a lot of people do choose to. Right. And I gotta be in a position to help carry the um the Olympic um torch. The torch. Yeah. That's what it is. It's like every day you carry that torch. You know? And a lot of people don't, I'm not gonna say don't understand, but I don't think they really realize after a person gets clean and get their life on track, the responsibility that comes with that, man. Yeah. It's like if you're really serious about it, it's a it's a it's it's a lot of weight on your shoulders.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

It really is, man. Plus, we as men, and I always hold it, come back to the manhood part of it, because we're like the engine coming down the track. We're the we're the we're the head. If you get off track and derail, if that train derails, what happens to all the rest of the cars behind it? It gets off track. So when we start cleaning up and everybody immediately, the first when you start seeing recovery, oh my God, he was a drug addict. People are recovering from gambling. People, some people talk too much, some people overeat. So there's all types of traumas taking place right now in people's lives that, but but we're the like this is oh, you're the ultimate sin. You did crack and heroin. No, sin is sin. But you don't know how that that, and I'm not gonna lie. I had fun in the streets, man. Yeah. That thing was painted up pretty, man. Sin was fun, but there's some consequences behind it. Yes, sir. Overdose. Being taking guns from taking guns from bullying. Man, I had to bully, I had to be, I'm not no bully. Man, I'm a gentle giant, man. But out there on the streets, I had to change around to make my mentality is it's dog eat dog.

unknown 15:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

But you got, yeah, you got what I want. At first, I'm like, man, they done took, I done spent all my money, I done, man, I just spent all my money, man. And I got two babies at home and a wife. And I done took $2,000 from a Friday to Monday and ain't even been home and took no bath or nothing. And I got a 19-year-old kid that's running up and down the street in my car. What am I gonna do? I'm getting ready to get my stuff back, man. I'm about to beat him down. Who he thinks he is, man? He's 19 and I'm I'm I'm a old, I'm an old, I'm I'm old enough to be his father. And this little bitty stuff that he got is controlling me? No. I gotta do better, I gotta do something. So next time I see him, I'm gonna snatch him out of my car and I'm gonna take all his dough. And that's what I would do, man. That's not me, man. But then it started, another insanity part of it. Then when I would see him the next time, he throw me a hole, man. Don't come around with that, man. Here you go, man. I don't want it, but but I'll take it. So somewhere the vicious cycle has to be broken, man. That comes with man and up. It comes with man. I'm like, man, I'm like, now I got a great relationship with my daughters, man. They were babies. They had no idea until they read my book. Dad, we didn't know. But they would know. Dad came home after three days, after a week, and they would run to me, and they something's not, Daddy's eyes are not right. I still got residual on me, man. Residue. But they didn't know that. I noticed that, but I got a great relationship with the mother of my children and my girls. So so everything changes around. My skin cleared up, man. I had dark circles under my eyes. Pockets touching, skinny as home, no what, man. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And no food, no none of that, man. Man, I'm not gonna apologize. I'm just go ahead, man. You good.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Okay, so so you so you truly believe that the change you want to see in the world starts with us?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

I truly believe that, man. Somebody's gotta do it, man. And like you said, why not me? And I've taken on, I I have, I don't know, man, but lots of people look up to me, man. And I'm very forthright. Like I said, I'm running for Board of Education right now, man. Okay. And they are giving me a fit. But I'm but here's what they can't do, though. I'm very forthright about my story, and they don't know how to take it. It's because the people I'm dealing with have some traumas, and these are older men who got some associated traumas and women who have not dealt with. I've dealt with mine. I speak all over the world and tell people I take the mask off. I inhale, y'all. Well, I don't know, I don't know what this tell you. I don't know what this tell you. I inhale. The president said he didn't. The president said he didn't. I didn't. And now it's been one of the biggest campaign boosters for me because people are like, man, he's real, man. He real, man. He's gonna tell, he definitely can help our children.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

So let me ask you a question. What made you decide you want to write the books and tell everything about what you had been through?

SPEAKER_00 18:47

Because I had to get it out of me, man. I had to tell it. I had to tell it. And uh, like I said, I used to question, why is this my testimony, man? I wanted to be a doctor, man. A coach, football coach. I wanted to do all these things, man. I'm like, but then I gotta tell people, I came from a great family, man. You know, my mother and father was a great example. But why do I tell everybody that, man, I used to have drug parabonet on me, man? Uh and that when every time I would do that, it would take away the pain until I told you earlier, but I'm not gonna disclose that here. I told you earlier there was a trauma that happened to me that I had to tell it on. Because it kept me hiding behind a pipe, man. Until I told it on it. So now I keep, I feel like, and I've since I've studied this, and I'm so grateful to, I mean, I'm so glad you're going back to school, man.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Go get it, man. It's good, it's it's hard, man. But now what happens is you're gonna be making A's. You're gonna be like, man, I made an A on this test. Me making an A? Yes, I made an A in statistics, man. But but Google, I Googled it. I Googled, hey, how do I do this problem? But anyway, we change, man. We change, man. We are some of the, and I keep telling everybody, it's like, give me that person. Every family man, every family has that one person that, man, he there he go again, man. I'm just that person. He ain't gonna look at him. He back, he back in jail again. I told he on that dope. You know, but man, I don't care. We could be clean for 55,000 years. When I pass away, you know what they're gonna say? The dope finally got it. And I'm gonna be clean. And I'm gonna be clean.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

I can reason I'm laughing because I can I can see that. You know, it's like some people as you do change. Yeah. But then you got those who just can't imagine you being the person to change. Right. So when they see you, they're always saying, You the same person. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Man, I'm not the same person. I'm definitely not the same person. When I see my 82-year-old mother, who at one time looked at me and said, I don't know who you are, but I want my son back. And I started crying. Now, when I talk my my 80, my eight, she's 82. She's I can feel her smile and do we cut up, man.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Man, that is. We cut up, man. That is crazy because my mom is 82 also. Wow. And I just wouldn't have seen her last week. Yeah. And the feeling I get now when I see her versus when I was in my active addiction. Right. It's two different, really two different types of feelings because when I left her presence, I didn't know if I was gonna make it back. That's right, man. That's right. And now I know if if if she She's gonna be there. I can make it right. You know, but she's at an age where she got more time behind her than she does in front of her.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

That's right, man.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

But now I'm in position to deal with anything that comes down the pipeline, you know. See. And it hurt, but I'm in a mind space where I know how to lean on people, I know how to reach out, and I know how to cry for help if I need it, you know. And I didn't learn that until I got clean because I always want to do everything myself and do it my way. And my way always got me in the penitentiary. Right. Always got me uh on drugs, a rehab, in jail, or on a run, or fighting for my life. Right. You know, so now it's like I'm so glad to have this conversation with you and to meet you because now I have another person in my network. That's right, man. You know, that's right. And it's not many of us. Right. You know, it's not many I hate to say it like this, but it's not many strong black men around. It's not, man. It's not. We're falling off for different reasons, you know. Um, and just for to see other strong black men, and there's no shot at no any other race. It's just it's just another thing to see another strong black man just trying to make it and trying to do better than what they did yesterday.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Man, I cannot do this by myself, man. I took, I'm, I used to always, I'm I'm self, no, I'm not a self-made man. I had help, man. My father was the example for me, man. And like back to back to mom, man. My mother held the Bible for me this week, man. And I got sworn in as a guardian at lighter, man. I got cleared through the court system in North Carolina. I got cleared, man. They keep trying to come at me, man, with all this past stuff, but they can't find nothing. My mother stood in front of it with the judge and me, man, in the courtroom and held the Bible where I had my right hand up, my left hand on the Bible, man. My mother stood in front of me, man. Told me how proud she was of me, man. She got to see that, man. So now I get to help foster kids, man. I get to go by and make sure foster kids are safe, man. Me, man. After all I've been through. After all I've been through, man. So I strive for excellence every day, man. It's not an arrogant thing, but I need you in my network, man. Sometimes, now, with you and I, you and I have a similar story. I call you, say, hey, look here, man. I'm feeling some kind of way, man. You know exactly the sound, man. Let me talk to you. I'm feeling some kind of way too. Right. And we could talk transparent and help each other. I don't have many men in my life like that because they don't, they, they are uh some some men are are they don't understand because they don't have that same story. You got me over here trying to fight by these tears, man. Hey, we gotta get in the I told you, I'm not, I'm not gonna, I started to say I'm sorry, but I'm not, man. I'm not gonna make no apologies, man. I just I'm not gonna make no apologies.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

I wasn't ready, man. I wasn't ready. Uh yeah. You got me.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

So yeah, we we definitely gonna have to stay in touch, man. Network, man. So this this is divine. To me, it's not every this setting right now was supposed to happen right now. That's the way I feel.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

You do know, like when you're doing the right thing and going in the right direction, it's always gonna be something or someone to try to stop in and and and make you go to where you're trying to go to. You know, like um adversity is what we're we are known to be able to handle. Right. You know, it's just how we choose to handle it. That's right. Is what we work on now. That's right. And just keep going forward, and you know you can get to the other side. Right. Sometimes the pain that comes along with all the stuff that we go through, like the things that we had to endure just to get to where we're at. After we get here, we don't feel like we should have to go through that much pain no more. Because we done did the worst when that happened. Right. That's just my my take because of all the things I just been through in the last two years. Hell the last six months, you know. Um last week. Yeah, yesterday, you know. So, like with my mom, for instance. Yeah, I get clean, she become paralyzed from the waist down. Wow. You know, having to see her in the hospital and going through the surgeries and all that. But I had to look at the bright side of that is when my sister called me, I was able to get on the road. Like when she had a heart attack in '92, I was in the crackhouse. That's right. So this time I was I'm on the I'm on the couch. I'm at work, I'm somewhere positive doing the right thing, and I was able to move and be there for my mom and my sister and my nephews, nieces, and blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

And like that was the most rewarding feeling, but also I had people with me that was there for me. Right. I wasn't going alone. I had a team, I had an army with me, you know. And I've always fought my battles by myself. And I got to realize now I don't have to do that. You know, I'd sometimes be choosing to, but I don't have to, you know, and I gotta look at my life like it's truly a blessing, you know. And sometimes I feel like I don't deserve what I've got going on. Like I'm not worthy. And the fear of me disappointing people is my worst fear. Yeah. So I'm holding on to a lot of that, you know, it's like I know what I'm capable of doing, but the fear of me succeeding sometimes holds me back. The uh the fear of me not thinking that I am um equipped to do the job holds me back. Right. But the fear of disappointing someone other than myself, that's the biggest enemy I got right now is I don't want to be that person, that guy. You know, like to make promises and break them. You know, I I try to hold on to everything I say, but sometimes life gets in the way and make it that you can't do something about it. I try to stick to it.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

But a lot of times, man, I feel like can I stick to the plan? Yeah, stick to this strip. Yeah. Can I continue to live this life the way I'm living it? Only three years removed from my old life because I know that's still there. Right. You know, and I know that's a a much easier role to step into, but it's a much harder life to live. You know, it's easy not caring. It's easy. Not waking up going to work, uh living off the land, so you say. Yeah. But it's a lot of hard stuff to come with it, man. You know, so like now my life is I get up, I go to work, I help, I I I'm there for my family. Some days it's hard, but it's worth it, you know. And what I'm learning though is when I walk out of the house with my lunch bag and my work clothes, I might be the first real man that a kid sees. Come on, man.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

That's exactly how it happens. And when you talk about that fear, I want you to think about this. You can either uh forget everything and run, or forget everything and rise. So turn take that fear and make it a healthy fear. Life be life, man. And the human nature side of who we are, it messes with you, man. Especially us. Yeah. Look at you. Got a lunch box, you smell it good. Look at he going to work, got the car outside. He going, oh, he, oh, and you get to work somebody. Um, he's here. You light up the room, you everybody waiting for you to get there. You make everybody day. Man, that's a lot to carry, man. I do it every day, man. It was like, Anthony, oh my God, Anthony's here. I'm like, God, man, what's what's the big deal, man?

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Like, what's the big deal? Like, you know. The other morning, you know, where I work at, I gotta be relieved by a person. So the female, she gets there, you can obviously something wrong. She's crying. Yeah. She's been crying, whatever. And I was like, You alright? And she was like, Yeah, I'm all right. I said, okay, you know. So on my way I'm gonna leave, I'm saying, are you really all right? You know, if you want to talk to me, you know, you can I won't tell nobody. Right. She was like, A friend of mine just OD'd um last night. Wow. And I was like, Well, it's gonna get better. Yeah, you can get through it. If you need me, you see me, holler at me. You know, I was able to give her that word because I've been through it. You know, I lost several friends over there. Yeah, man. Yeah. And I know it is hard, but when like going just being that person where when they see you coming, they don't like, oh, here he comes. Right. They ain't in a negative way. You know, like normally been like, oh, here's Joker, man. Here come the drama.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

Tell the lies. But we had what happened to us, we had a heart transplant, man. Our hearts changed, man. We're different, man. We are different, man. I used to, man, I remember on Fridays, I used to I got so good at telling lies, man. On Friday, the boss man be like, all right, okay, here's your check, man. Who died this week? I had so many uncles to die, man. I could make myself, man, a bit high Thursday. I need my check Friday. So I put, okay, it's time to put on the hat. Man, I my uncle died. Here, man, take your check and go, man. So every week I was doing the box medicine. Here go your check, man. I know your uncle probably died, right? So so I had a heart transplant. My heart changed, man. I got a heart now, man.

SPEAKER_01 32:12

So how does it feel being a completely different person?

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Man, it feels I knew I had it in me. I knew it was in me. But that that that right that vice right there, it felt good, man. It takes away the pain.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

It takes away, it takes for a second. And then I got chased it again. And then I'm like, I can't chase it now because I ain't got no money. Well, now what I'm gonna do. Something stupid.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Because you know, like when the highs are high, but when the lows are low. Come on, man. Come on, man. I just I sit back and just be like this reminiscing about the things I had to go through.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Yeah. Yeah. And this, man, a lot of times what we won't realize too is we had brain damage, man. Your brain. Your brain, yeah, you literally literally have brain damage.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

I literally had brain surgery. Wow. Wow. Wow. I know. I had to do that.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

So look, but it takes scientifically, medically, scientifically, and all that stuff. I studied all that, man. It takes five years for us to, as people who dealing with addictive behaviors and learn ingested something inside your body, it takes five years for your brain to even start to begin to heal, man.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Did you know that like I did I did a lot of LSD in high school, right? And anything over two hits, you legally insane.

SPEAKER_00 33:35

Yeah, you gone. You done.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

And for me to be able to have a right mind, I mean, and that was my drug of choice. It was never coke or a heroin, it was LSD. I was always into science, math, trying to figure stuff out, the world, whatever. And I thought that helped me do it. Yeah, he didn't. It didn't. It was creating an insane monster. Yes, man. It was, man. So it's like now I ask myself if I could do anything different, right? Would I? And my answer is no. No. Every time. Because if I change one thing that ultimately changed me. Right. You know, because it's already written what's gonna happen to you. You know, you can either slow to get to your destination or fast to get to it, you can get to it regardless if you if you live long enough. So I figure this was the path I had to go to or go through to get to the point where I can be there to help somebody else that need to get through that that tunnel, that gate, or whatever. That's right. You know how the sky is supposed to open up. You know, like when you get to the other side of something, it's supposed to be beautiful, you know. And it is. Yes. And my my biggest thing was I didn't know how beautiful life could be until I started to taste life. Because I was trapped in a nine-mile radius for 20-something years. And I had transited, take trips, go places. I would not leave the block. Yeah, you know. Um I remember I went to Maryland for three days. Well, I thought I was gonna stay for three days, but I used up all my drugs and too.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

So I had to come back. So you had to come back to your nine miles.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Right. So on the way back, I used a bathroom in myself. You know, um that was a low point, yeah. But I it I was so far gone that I I didn't know what to do, right? But go get some more. Right. You know, and the day is like talking to people that's been through and realizing what I have and realizing that you know um it's okay. You know, that um I don't think I gotta just continue to try. Yeah. And it's gonna get better. You know better and better, man. So I mean I just I just I just I don't know, man. It's like this is like one of the only matter of fact, this is the only conversation that I've had with a a man, a male on the couch, like a one-on-one, other than my pastor, but that was a totally different conversation. You know, it was a great conversation. But I'm talking to a man that's in the word, right, you know, had did some things of the world, but I don't think he did that much because to me he just don't look like the type, you know. And that's it. He got something. He got something. He knows something. Yeah, he knows about it. But the conversation wasn't wasn't geared towards that past, right? Morally geared towards the present, what's going on. Right. And I love him to death, man, with a life. Um good guy, great guy. But this conversation is more of hopefully me seeing an older version of myself.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

You know, of me wanting to uh, I'm not saying fill your shoes, but share the same type of shoes, maybe. Yeah. Like go on that path of helping people that's behind me because eventually you'll retire, do what you got, but you can eat younger people to step behind you to carry a gun torch. That's right. So, what do you say for people that's coming behind you? Give them some words of wisdom.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

We are soldiers, man. You and I. No, there's people, some people can be able to survive what we did, man. We sitting here in front of each other right now. Overdose. And sitting here talking to each other. We're not supposed to be here, man. There's there are forces out there to try to take us out, and it didn't work. So you know, the only thing that I had to change, man, was everything. I've heard that a lot. The only thing I had to change about me was everything. We are soldiers, man. I need for you to come up, but I need somebody. I'm not some guru, man, of uh uh, I'm not this guru of, oh, I got all in. No, no. I learned something new every day. I learned a lot from you sitting here, man. I learned a lot from you. But I wish we're similar. But coming up and doing some of the things I'm doing when I retire, man, somebody's gotta take that torch, man. And you're growing, man. You're right where you need to be. I'm right where I need to be. We are powerful, man. We are masterminds. That's why I said you're about to blow school out of the water, man. It's gonna be different. It's gonna be different.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Man, I ain't gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

It's gonna be different 16 years. Man, I was I told you I just did this 58 years old, man. I'm 60. I was taking little classes, I take the peer support. That's a what, six months, maybe? I did the peer support 40 hours. I did peer support. I got, I got my walls, is is lined with continual education certificates. That's all my little work so far. I got a whole, I can go all the way around this room with continued. I'm always studying something. But I said, you know what? Let me get my four, and they open up so many doors, man. And uh, I don't, I'm I'm good, my master's, man, but I'm good right now, man. I'm trying to set up for my retirement, man. But carry the torch, man. Like right now, I got the males of distinction youth program. I'm trying to find, I'm trying to find somebody. Males is making achievable life-enhancing strides. I tell young men between the ages of eight and eight and eighteen-year-old, you're not a man yet. There's a transition from a male into manhood. I call it males of distinction because I tell the young men, you're a distinct, you set up distinction means set apart, man. You guys are set apart, man. So when I could take a kid from this in the sixth grade, and I've had over over 160 boys come through my group. Wow. From from the time I founded the group. I was mentoring in the schools, and I seen something where I would go into schools and all these boys would flock to me. And the principals say, Oh, you interrupting our school. I'm like, I got them to class. And the young men, hey, Mr. McCaulay, can I talk to you? What's going on, man? Man, I feel like throwing a desk across the room. What's going on? What? Because I can't read. So I said, okay, so I said, I gotta do something, man. So I founded this group. So for males of distinction has helped, I teach them life skills, real-world situations, and I tell them, too, man, get on here and line up, man. Teach them how to get in line, teach them different things on the streets. I let them meet the police officer, man. Y'all come and talk to my boys. Because they're scared of y'all, man. How do they approach you? Different scenarios. So now some of those young men I had in the sixth grade who are now seniors and going on to college, are they so respectful, man? Some of them found out though. I had out of out of all those boys, about five of those boys had to go find out for themselves. I still didn't turn my back on my okay, now I gotta get, now I gotta show you how to work the probation. You gotta get to your probation office. You can't sit at home and tell you to be down there on this date at this time. You gotta go. I'll take you, drop you off your probation office. Let's get this behind you. And it changes. So, yeah, I deal with that, man, in the community. Right now I'm I'm on hold because I'm running for this election, but I do one-on-one cases now. Now I get to deal with the foster children. So um I'm big on telling young men, and the only reason why I don't do the young ladies is because society is different now. I got plenty of young ladies that I help, and they mothers will say, I want nobody but him helping. I can't, because I gotta have a young lady with me to help me do that. Because anything could go wrong. That's right. So I deal, I deal with young men, but I want young men to know, man, you gotta step up. This is not the best for you, man. Go see the world, man. It's a beautiful world out there, man. Go see something. Get up out of here. I got the boys that stay in the housing projects. I make them come out, and we sit across the field in a field and look back at the housing area. I said, inside of that gate, y'all killing each other. Y'all selling dope to your mamas. And y'all, everybody over there doing something. Come out the gate, man. Yeah. And they like, wow, man. I said, you only got they want you to stay in there and kill each other.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 42:31

Come out of there, man.

SPEAKER_01 42:32

So man, that just brought back a memory, man. And 20. 20, 22, 23. Like he was talking about two different worlds, daytime, nighttime. Well, in the daytime, everybody is loving free to go do what they want. But in the projects I hung at at nighttime, the young guys, whatever, patrol the projects with AK-47s, SKs, whatever. Yeah. Just walking the block. Wow. You know, just protect. So they thought. So they thought. I mean, it scared the heck out of me. You know, because just like, what were the were the fences made to keep us out, or were they made to keep us in? Right. You know, and you're not helping us get out if you're standing there with a gun, you know. And it's just that's just a thought that came across my mind.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

Yeah, but that's all they know. That's all they know. Until somebody tells them different. But but I can give you all the tools you need. Just like somebody gave me all the tools I needed. Look, look, man, you can't keep going to the barbershop even get a haircut, man. Yes, sir. So I give you all the tools you need to succeed. It's up to you, man. And yeah, it bothers me when I'm like, man, well, I I told you what to, man, I gave you what to do, but I get it, I get it. My daddy told me don't go down there and turn left. Shoot. I turned left for 35 years until I turn back. Right.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

So did you ever see yourself being in this situation, like what you got going on in life right now?

SPEAKER_00 44:06

I knew I had it. I keep saying this, man. I knew I had it in me, man. And I was a like you said, I was, I mean, I can't mean successful, but I felt success is not money. That's the first thing, oh, you see, he's successful. He's rich. No, it's not success, it's not money. My peace of mind. I got what I need. I'm provided for, man. It gets tough, man. Sometimes, sometimes I get down like, man, I got to make payment arrangements for my power bill, man, because it's tough. You know, but but it always works out. It ain't enough, it ain't that tough what's gonna make me go, you know what? I'm gonna take this $20, go get me a hit, man. No, it ain't worth that. I know that's it ain't worth that. Because I know what's gonna happen. And uh it's spiritual to me, man. And like I said, I deal with a lot of pastors and stuff, but they don't like me to talk real. I'm like, that's I come on, man. I'm a foot soldier, man. I want the nasty person out there, man. I met millionaires on the street, man, that that decided I'm gonna live like this because the people that I know that's real, they ain't hitting on nothing. And I've I've uh dealt with past, I told my testimony in front of 3,000 people one time, and they said, man, you shouldn't have told that in front of the whole church. I said, why not? I just got hired with Deacon such and such last night. We got hired together. I said, Oh, I'm gonna tell it, man. Somebody got to tell it. But some people were going, man, thank you for sharing your story, man. And uh, I've been dealing with this, man, I don't know how to talk about it. But they go to church every Sunday. Church is supposed to be a hospital, man. I don't care, I don't care. My thing is, I I would love to have a building where I don't care if you sat outside in your car and you took a hit and you come in the building. I'm gonna love on you, man. You sick, you need some help? I know you might be jacked up right now. Sit down, let me get you a bottle of water. We're gonna figure if you need some resources, that's what I like to do, man. Give me that person that everybody done said he ain't gonna, man, he ain't gonna make, man, he's gonna die in the streets. He might. But like I said, I'm gonna give you all the tools, resources you need, man. We peer support specialists, man. We got access to resources. We help people, man. But sometimes people, you can give it to them. All right. It's up to you to follow up, man. I had enough audacity to follow up. Stayed in a shelter, man. Uh uh, Oxford House. Yeah. They said, you gotta stay clean. Yes, sir. You gotta do this, you gotta do that, you gotta do chores. They gave me free bus tickets, brand new clothes. They said, you look for a job. No, you gotta get one, and you gotta eventually get one. So uh uh make sure that you find the work, found a job. So I I had enough audacity to to try what the to use the tools, man.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

So I just want to um thank you for coming by, stepping by, stopping by and doing the podcast, man. It was an honor.

SPEAKER_00 47:08

Yes. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank your wife, thank your wife too, man.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

I will. Okay. Um thanks for that too, man. Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Uh I see you got a book. What's the name of this? This book right here is called The Mess Becomes a Miracle. I didn't have copies of my life canvas book, but um, I'll just leave these with you. Yeah, and uh I will sign. I will sign that for you.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

So write mine. I make sure I get your copy. It's coming.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

And like I said, I I publish all my work. I did all these. I did all these from front to front to back. So just thank you for coming by, stopping by, and and it was a pleasure, man.

SPEAKER_01 47:57

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 47:58

It was a pleasure, man.

SPEAKER_01 47:59

Inspiration, hope, everything I probably need at this moment. So this is uh signing off. This is uh the Bine True Podcast, where your Destiny is by choice, not by chance, brought to you by the Destiny's by Choice Peer Support Services. I just want to thank y'all for tuning in. Peace.