This Voice is Mine: the Unquiet Podcast

Riding the Tornado: ADHD, Skateboarding, and the Power of Finding Your Thing with Ryan Swain

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Ryan Swain was told from childhood that his energy was too much, his focus was wrong, and his way of being didn't fit. Teachers called him a liability. Nobody asked why.

In this episode, Dr Emma Offord talks with Ryan, founder of the You, Me & ADHD awareness campaign, about growing up undiagnosed in a system that had no language for who he was. Ryan shares the story of finding skateboarding at eleven and how it gave him something school never could: a space where his neurobiology made sense. He also introduces his tornado analogy for ADHD, one of the most grounded and accessible frameworks for understanding why environment is everything.

This is a conversation about survival, self-acceptance, and what becomes possible when you finally find your thing.

Connect with Ryan on Instagram: @officialryanswain ryainswain.co.uk

This Voice Is Mine: The Unquiet Podcast is hosted by Dr Emma Offord, clinical psychologist and founder of Divergent Lives. For every neurodivergent mind that was masked, misread, or missed.

SPEAKER_00

Hi, this is Dr. Emma Offed, host of This Voice Is Mine, The Unquiet Podcast. For every neurodivergent mind that was masked, misread, or missed, where identity is reclaimed and the system gets named. This Voice is Mine is a podcast for those who were told they were too much, too sensitive, too chaotic, too intense or not enough. Hosted by myself, Dr. Emma Offed, a clinical psychologist, neurodivergent woman, and unapologetic system disruptor. This podcast explores what happens when difference is pathologized and what becomes possible when we drop the shame, the script, and the medical model. Through stories, reflections, and conversations with people who were never meant to fit. This Voice is Mind reclaims the truth of neurodivergent minds, bodies and ways of being. This is not about fixing or fitting in. It's about remembering who we are and unlearning everything they got wrong. Today I'm joined by Ryan Swain. Ryan is an award-winning presenter, performer, skateboard coach, and neurodiversity advocate from North Yorkshire. He is the founder of You Me and ADHD Awareness Campaign, where he delivers talks and workshops across schools, colleges, and communities to challenge misconceptions about ADHD and neurodivergence through lived experience. Alongside his advocacy work, Ryan runs Rydale Skate School, using skateboarding as a tool to build confidence, resilience and community among young people. He's also known for his work as a character performer and host of festivals and events across the UK, bringing creativity, storytelling, and humour into everything he does. Through performance, education, and honest conversation, Ryan is helping people see ADHD differently and helping young people feel seen, heard, and supported. Ryan, it is so lovely to have you here.

SPEAKER_02

Thank you very much for having me on. I'm very excited to share my life story with you and uh talk ale things on ADHD.

SPEAKER_00

So Brilliant.

SPEAKER_02

It's gonna be good.

SPEAKER_00

Brilliant. So for my listeners who perhaps they don't know you or don't know of the body of your work, would you I don't know where to start. Like, where would you like to start to talk about yourself?

SPEAKER_02

I know you've got a story from childhood, but oh yeah, I've got plenty of stories. Uh I think it's such a difficult thing because I do so many different things and it's very diverse in what I do. Um, so it's difficult to put it into categories, but basically I'm just a big ball of good energy that likes to do creative things and help other people. Um, so yeah, any any ways means that I can do that through the power of expression and yeah, the way I feel and you know about ADHD in particular. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm always gonna sort of step up and advocate for those that maybe haven't got a voice, and I think that's what this podcast is all about. So it's absolutely yeah, it's raising voices.

SPEAKER_00

And you know, m myself and the guests who've who've joined this podcast, we haven't always had voice.

SPEAKER_02

No, exactly.

SPEAKER_00

You know, so we find ourselves at this time in our life where maybe we have people listening or we feel we are able to share our voice, but that yeah, wasn't always the case. And I know that m maybe that's where we could start was you know, a little bit about your story, your history, um, where perhaps you didn't have quite the voice that you do now.

SPEAKER_02

Um so I was born, like you mentioned, in North Yorkshire. Uh, and not that class matters or anything like that, but I come from a very humble, very working class background. Um, my mum's an incredibly creative person, and she is we all have role models and influences, but she is definitely up there as one of my role models, uh, just because of how creative she is, she can absolutely make anything out of anything, um, and she's very innovative and thinking ahead and ahead of the game in terms of creativity and stuff, and she's taught me everything that I know about that, really. Um, but sticking to the subject, we yeah, we haven't always had a voice. I haven't always had a voice. It's only in the last few years I think people have opened their minds slightly become more educated, and there's more resources and information regarding neurodivergence. People like us that have these conditions. Um before that, it was you're naughty, you're lazy, you're bad, you're disruptive, you're distractive, you're impulsive, all these other derogatory, bad labels thrown at you because nobody really wanted to understand it. It was just easier to write people off than it was to comprehend them. So for me it was an incredibly difficult journey growing up, especially coming from uh a northern town.

SPEAKER_00

Um so those were the narratives that you had out of the city.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, yeah. And and and far worse than that. Um, you know, stupid, idiot, all those kind of things. I'm sure you can use your own imagination. Um this was at school from teachers? Well, this was this was just not just teachers, but pupils, okay, coaches. Uh never really blended in at the family picnic, shall we say, especially you know, after school clubs or followed the crowd, you know, it was it was it was hard for me growing up because I had so much enthusiasm and I wanted to be involved, I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be accepted. I'm sure you could understand that and relate to that. Um, and many listeners can. So I think it's such an ADHD trait to want to do everything, but then the world doesn't want you to be involved either, and you can get pushed aside, and then obviously we talk about RSD and things like that now, you know, rejection and stuff, and none of that was sort of heard of back then, so we didn't understand it. I didn't understand the way I felt or couldn't comprehend the way I felt. Yeah, so I've always felt like I've always been pushed aside instead of embraced for who I am. If people just used my true, unique, authentic energy and the way I am with things, you know. People, people we could we could do a lot of things, but not everybody wants to do that. And like you say, it's a safer bet to go with something more generic and like everything else and everybody else and follow the trends or so.

SPEAKER_00

Your experience growing up was very much of having um an abundance of energy and and like goodwill energy, it sounds like you wanted to put it to good use, you wanted to do things creatively, and that was shut down, or that was judged, or that was criticized, or pushed away, and and you spoke there about rejection sensitivity. Of course, you're going to feel rejected, or I mean, when you are being rejected, essentially, that's what's happening, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. LG was said it's too much.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think I think I've like I when when I do my talks and when I'm doing workshops and things around ADHD, I obviously speak through lived experience, so I try to make people understand it through my perceptions. And the way that I've perceived it, seen it, and lived through it is it doesn't matter how hard you try, people will always expect more from you, or they will expect you to try harder, or you know, even when you even when you're drowning almost, yeah, your feet are stuck in concrete, and the concrete's set, you can't move and you want to do all these things and you can't do them. And people people will still expect you to do them, whether you you know they don't really take ADHD very seriously, and that's something that's an experience that I've had from a young age, is whenever you mention ADHD to people, you get shrugged off, or you get told, oh, that's something that only children have, or you know, it's just an excuse for being naughty or lazy, and it's really not, as you know, it's a neurobiological condition, and you know, we we everybody's different with it, and it affects people differently, obviously. But um, a lot of the symptoms and signs and things, the way it affects people's lives, are the same, I like to think, in some respect.

SPEAKER_00

Um so when you were when you were younger, had you been diagnosed?

SPEAKER_02

That's a great question. So when I was born, I was born with a patent arterial ductus, so it's a heart defect. Basically, it's an open valve in your heart that should close when you're born. Everybody has them. Um, unfortunately, sometimes peoples don't heal and close. Uh, it's usually picked up within the first six months through the pediatrician or whatever through the GP. Uh, for some unknown reason, nobody's to blame, but nobody picked mine up. So I went uh three and a half years without it being picked up. Um, and in then three years I didn't present myself as a sick, poorly child that had a heart defect.

SPEAKER_05

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

Presented myself as a Juracell bunny with rechargeable batteries that could swing from curtain to curtain, like Mowgli at the jungle book. Um, very impulsive, always distracted, couldn't concentrate, couldn't focus, couldn't listen, really struggled following instructions. I know three years old, you know, children are children, but um yeah, my mum knew that um I was slightly different to the other children at nursery and in reception and things. She she was always forward thinking, um, and she'd heard of ADHD, ADD and ADHD at the time in the early 90s. So she started sort of researching it, trying to understand it, looking at the symptoms, the signs of it, how it presents itself in children things. Uh so she started speaking out to people, uh, and she sort of got shunned off by the nursery and uh my reception teacher at primary school, sort of been told she's like a neurotic parent, over-dramatizing, over-reacted, he's just been a kid, all this, yeah. Um, which is not true whatsoever. Um, I really struggled, really did struggle. Couldn't sit still, always talking excessively, had to be the centre of attention, couldn't sleep very well, very restless. Just my my brain was constantly, you know, doing its thing.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Um, even at that age. But inside my body was shutting down, my vital organs were packing in, and I was dying. Wow. Um, and nobody picked up on that. So, this is what I always say: how ADHD can present itself on paper and how it presents itself in somebody's life are two totally different things. Um so yeah, I do think the ADHD was masking the condition that was going on. Obviously, my body wasn't working properly, my anatomy was shutting down, everything was going wrong for me.

SPEAKER_00

Um do you remember that time? Do you remember?

SPEAKER_02

Vaguely, yeah, I do I do remember it, yeah. I remember it very well. I was a very restless child. I was into absolutely everything and anything, anything I could get my hands on, I would do it. And I also understand and comprehend better now as an adult, looking back in hindsight, which is a wonderful thing, um, how I could see that my behaviour was perceived to be destructive. Even though I didn't want it to be destructive, unintentionally, I would pick things up and I would fidget and I would constantly have something in my hand. Obviously, kids these days and even adults have fidget toys and whatnot, but we didn't have any of them things, and we it was pens and pencils and anything we could get our hands on. Blue attack, yeah, plastic seed, rulers, then bendy rulers, they were my favourites. Yeah, um, so yeah, basically, I used to break things all the time. Um, very clumbersome in that respect. But yeah, was it done intentionally? Absolutely not, because I was just, you know, I was hyper-fixated on doing something else, and I didn't realise my body was doing that at the same time.

SPEAKER_00

So I think that's an important point because you know, the the drive, the nervous system drive, then the natural drive for you to do that, even though your body's shutting down, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

So it it of course it's gonna mask that there might be that process happening internally, but it just demonstrates how like how an ADHD cannot stop their drive. Because even when their body is shutting down, that is still happening.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, absolutely. Um, and like I say, my body wasn't working how it should be working, my heart was putting excess pressure on my main and major arteries around my body, and that's what a pain arterial ductus does. Uh, eventually, it just implies that so much pressure on your arteries and your lungs and your kidneys and your vital organs that it just implodes basically, uh and you just die. Um so yeah, it literally got to the point of burnout where I collapsed. That's that's that's how far it came. It didn't present itself because my undiagnosed ADHD from being born was doing other things on the outside. I think that's a really important message, is we always look at the exterior and not the interior, you know, and I think that's a really metaphoric way of looking at everything, isn't it? When we walk past somebody's house, we look at the exterior, oh look at that house, it must be lovely inside. Nobody really knows what it's like inside apart from the person that owns it. Yeah, um, it's exactly the same, you know. ADHD is the same, you know. Um, just because you can't see it, it doesn't mean to say it's not there, and it was there for me, uh, and it was presenting itself, but nobody saw that, and nobody saw the other issue that I had as well, my heart. So, yeah, burnout collapsed, and from there got told, I had weeks to live. So I had to have a major heart operation at the age of four, changed my life. Um played a huge part in change as it's changed, it gave me a zest for life because not everybody gets a second chance, not everybody gets another go at trying to do something, you know. And and for me that that was really important. Um being told that I had weeks to live, I had to have a major heart operation, things got very serious for me very quickly. Um, I vaguely remember it, obviously, but I do remember how much of an impact it had on my family. Um they were in pieces.

SPEAKER_00

That's been terrifying. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

No parent ever wants to face that and shouldn't have to face that. So, from that moment in time, I've always sworn an oath, promised myself that no matter what I do, we'll always try 110% and give it everything that I've got and make the most of it. Because, like you say, not everybody gets allocated that second chance. And for me, it's really, really important, it's giving me a big zest for life, and that's why I'm here today, obviously, doing what I'm doing regarding ADHD, because I think it's such a another misunderstood thing, and like I mentioned there, we don't really know what's going on inside people, what they're thinking and feeling. Yeah, you know, only that person with those conditions know that. And some are even diagnosed, some are undiagnosed, everybody's searching for answers, and it's putting such a strain on themselves and the system, and it's it's a difficult time.

SPEAKER_00

And that's a beautiful thread that you have you have this anchor point of you know, a second chance at living, yeah. And that has that continuity has remained where you have held on to that zest for life and um and are expressing it in so many different ways. But I know, and we will definitely talk about this point in your in your journey, but that must have been hard to hold on to because I know part of your story wasn't smooth sailing after that.

SPEAKER_02

That school wasn't smooth sailing after um no, it wasn't smooth sailing whatsoever. Um it was a hard journey. Uh yeah, so I'd come round from that, healed very quickly, um, and bounced back very quickly. Um again, didn't rest, should have been resting, was restless, wanted to be up, wanted to be playing football, wanted to be playing my game, wanted to be outside in the summer holidays, chasing the ice cream van down the street, all that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm envisioning your mum trying to Yeah, obviously, my mum has been very protective.

SPEAKER_02

Uh, and I think any parent who's gone through trauma like that would be. Um, so I totally understand that. But yeah, I was never one to just be at home lounging around. You know, I would always upbeat and on it, and and just love meeting new people, exploring things. I think it's because the education, because my journey with the education system, which I'm gonna go into in a moment, hasn't been smooth at all. Um just to put it out there for your listeners, I don't hold any resentment towards anybody about it. That was then, this is now. I won't be doing what I'm doing in schools in the education system right now with neurodivergence if I felt that way. Um but it impacted my life hugely because I feel like I've had to teach myself everything because nobody would take the time to understand me. So and I think you get to a point where you just like just do it for yourself. I'm gonna find it for myself, find whatever it is that I need to find to survive, and I'm gonna get it, and that's that's what I did. So yeah, I think I've always been in survival mode for sure, right from the right from the get-go. Um, and then when I bounced back from the operation, I started school and report after report from reception through to year six. So your full infant kind of primary school years um were not good reports, you know.

SPEAKER_00

What did they say?

SPEAKER_02

At first it was, you know, you you kind of I think mum was like, oh, he's just been a you know, he's been a lad, he's just been a boy, you know, he's loud, he's boisterous, he doesn't sit still, he's disruptive, he's distractive. We set him tasks and he never completes them. Um when I'm teaching a lesson, Ryan will sit and look out of the window, daydream, all these things for long periods of time and not pay attention to what he should be doing at the front of the class. Or when we ask a question, Ryan just blurts out the answer instead of putting his hand up like all the rest of the children. So, yeah, all these things that I wasn't even aware of, you know, were put on paper. And it was it wasn't just what a one-off thing, it was a reoccurring thing. All these things were reoccurring year in, year out. You could guarantee they would be put. I've still got the reports actually somewhere else. Yeah, I think I think mum's archived them all, we've got them all. Um and they're they're an interesting read, yeah, very interesting read. Ants in his pants, can't sit still, always walking around, always talking to somebody when he shouldn't be. And not only was it for the teachers that kind of um judge me for that, but I felt other people's parents did as well. Yeah, uh, oh, can't let you sit next to Ryan. You know, Ryan's uh it'll distract you, you're an achiever, you're going places in life. If you sit next to Ryan, you might not, or you know, and and I think that's really wrong, and nobody should be doing that. We should be trying to embrace neurodiversity, understanding people's differences, and nobody wants you to understand why I was doing these things. It's easy to someone's for someone to stand on the sideline and be like telling you you all these negative adjectives and words and narratives, as you put it. Yeah, but why do people do that? Why don't we s why don't we try to understand why people do that rather than just label it? So, yeah, the first few years at primary school, again, it's it's kind of laughable because it's the sort of cliche statistic symptoms of ADHD in a child. Everything was there, tick boxing. One thing that I always try and describe is my passion for proactivity and sport. Very athletic person, always liked sport and competing and things. Now when I was young, I started to play football because everybody in my school played football. It was such a boy thing to do. Let's play football, come on. We'd play football and I would always get put in goal because nobody would want to embrace my energy on the field because I couldn't stay in one position. Yeah, I was like the Tasmanian devil, I was all over the field, which in football is quite a good thing because it's distracting the opposition. So, yeah, if you're if you're if you're a striker and you're pulling out the defence, and that's a great way of getting in, do you know, uh, and scoring a goal. But I never got that opportunity because everybody saw me as a bit of a loose cannon on the field. So to put me in goal, one, because you're in a box, and two, you have to stay on your line and you can't move. I found that incredibly difficult. I still play football now and I still play in goal, uh, but I found it incredibly difficult, and it's taught me some life lessons because the memories I have of primary school playing football in the playground and at after school club uh at soccer school and things, trying to be in sports teams, trying to be in clubs, the memories I have is getting onto the field. Being in goal, getting my gloves on, lacing up my boots, telling myself I'm gonna give it 110%. I'm gonna be a really good goalkeeper today. I'm gonna try my best. We're gonna be a great team. Having these like big blockbuster daydreams going on upstairs, you know. I could see myself lifting the trophy at the end of the game, even though the whistle hadn't blown yet. And yeah, the whistle would blow, and none of that would happen. It would all just sort of crumble and fall to pieces around me. I would get distracted, I wouldn't show much interest in the actual game. So an aeroplane would fly over the top of the pitch, gets my attention. Yeah, I'm staring it out and thinking about going on holiday, and all my family are on the plane as well. I've got tenar even and all inclusive. We're gonna be there for 10 nights, it's gonna be great. You know, not in the present moment. Bam, I'm 1-0 down, yeah, and then I'm 2-0 down, and then I'm 3-0 down. Yeah, and yeah, it was just failure after failure after failure, and nobody embraced it. You know, kids got frustrated, people got frustrated, coaches got frustrated, teachers got frustrated, and they projected that frustration inwards at me. And it was Ryan, why weren't you listening? We were shouting at you, we were communicating with you, you weren't acknowledging us, you weren't listening, you weren't focused, you were daydreaming, you were staring, you were looking at something else, or staring at something else. So, yeah, team sports have rapidly found weren't really for me. And it isn't because I'm not a team player, no, because I am absolutely 110% a team player, and when I work with people, I give them everything that I've got. Um but this condition that was undiagnosed at the time was a deficit, really. It was stopping me from it had other ideas, wouldn't it? Yeah, it had other ideas, and it wouldn't allow me to bring some of the attributes that people want from a player in a team. Do you know what I mean? So yeah, it was tough. It was really tough. So I didn't I felt like I didn't fit in with the sports athletic groups, I didn't feel like I fitted in in the classroom, I didn't fit in anywhere. And I and you know, I kind of went into adolescence and later adulthood feeling exactly the same way. Doesn't matter where I go or what I do, nobody can just accept me for who I am and my true, unique, authentic aurora, you know.

SPEAKER_00

You can see all the effort that you're putting.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, exactly. Everybody always wants something else from me rather than what's natural and comes naturally to me. So yeah, it was a tough, tough journey, tough ride. Uh but it's hard to hear.

SPEAKER_00

Like to hear that no one would it wanted you for your natural, you know, yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_02

And the thing is, yeah, I uh looking back in hindsight, as we've mentioned, I don't think I've ever sat and judged anybody else. I've never told anybody else to be anything else but they true authentic selves. Do you know what I mean? I don't have them kind of expectations over people, but they seem to have them expectations over me, and and that's uh you know, it's uh what society is, I think, and it's really tough to embrace sometimes and sort of live with, but yeah, it has played an impact and it has caused me nothing but problems, ADHD, from right from the get-go.

SPEAKER_00

Um we could say society has caused your ADHD, nothing but problems.

SPEAKER_02

We could, but me being me, I don't like to blame other people. Do you know what I mean? Like I'm very self-aware and I accept myself, you know, and and I've done a lot of self-reflecting over the years, I think, to get to where I am now and be able to feel comfortable enough to one educate people, but two, talk about it as freely as what we're talking about it now. Yeah, but yeah, that's really helped me, I think, through everything that I've done. Um, but yeah, so sports didn't really work out for me, the classroom didn't work out for me, and just to put it out there, there was the pressure towards the end of primary school of SATs and exams and sort of expectations of the education system upon young people going up to secondary school, big moves, big transitions. Um, and I just remember going into that room feeling like an alien because you know you are literally on your own desk, you have to sit still, you can't look at anybody, you can't talk to anybody. There is a giant clock at the front of the room, and you can literally hear it tick, tick, tik, tick, yeah. Not a pin drop in the room, you know, it's just radio silence, and you're staring at that clock, hyper-fixated on it, telling yourself that I've got an hour to do this test paper. Yeah, I am more than capable, psyching yourself up in your ADHD brain. I can do this, I can make this happen. Does it ever present itself like that? No, it never does. Because you sat staring at the clock and you get lost in it.

SPEAKER_00

The conditions are not right, I think.

SPEAKER_02

No, exactly, the environment isn't right. And I was I I remember doing my sats looking at that clock, and I still look at it now whenever I go into schools because it's still the same layout in assembly halls and things, big clock at the front of the room.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that's so true.

SPEAKER_02

And to me, that's scarier than anything that I've ever faced because the clock is my worst enemy. Um, one, because I'm usually late, I'm not very punctual. Um, we have good intentions, I have good intentions. I look at the clock telling myself that I've got to allocate time to make things happen, to get things done during my daily life. Does it ever work out like that? No, it doesn't. It's still like that now into adulthood. But back then I'd used to look at the clock, look at the test paper, look back up at the clock. I've got an hour to do this test paper. GCSE, uh SATS, sorry. Gotta do this SATS paper, and I'm gonna do my best. So the teacher would start the test, and I would spend 15-20 minutes just hyperfixated on something else, or thinking about something else, or not in that present moment, but thinking ahead of time and what I'm gonna be doing later during the day, daydreaming, just everything that I shouldn't be doing, twiddling with my pencil, rocking on my chair, fidgeting, feeling that kind of impulsive need to have to stand up and walk around, even though you're not allowed to do that and you know you shouldn't be doing it, you know, defying whatever has been set for you, even though you don't want to defy it, it finds a way of doing it no matter what. So, um, so yeah, all these issues were there. Uh, Sats went dreadfully for me, you know. Like I said, the test paper, I got lost in it. I felt like I was drowning in information. I knew what I had to do, but I just couldn't put it to paper. Um, and I'd look back up at the clock and there'd be 10 minutes left, I'd be panicking, I'd be like, Oh my days, where has that time gone? What have I done in that time? Can't remember any of it. I've forgotten what I'm doing, it's just a total blackout, burnout, and then you're rushing and scrambling around trying to get everything done in 10 minutes, and it just doesn't come out how you want it to come out, and then the teacher takes the test paper and you get your test results back, and it's not good. So, yeah, it was it's always presented itself like that, it's always reoccurred in my life. But at primary school, it was I won't say it was accepted, but the expectations are as high as it is in secondary school, yeah. So during that time, I don't think anybody ever said to my mum and dad, oh Ryan might have ADHD. It was my mum and dad telling them, I think Ryan's got ADHD, I think he's got special educational leads, and he might need some assistance or some help or some support with that. What can we do to look at that? And and none of that was ever talked about or discussed. Not at all. Not at all. It was kind of pushed aside, brushed aside. Like I said, that made my mum feel like she was making it all up, like she was some sort of neurotic parent.

SPEAKER_00

And that happens to a lot of parents.

SPEAKER_02

I know, and I'm speaking, I'm advocating for them as well and speaking on behalf of them because I know firsthand how difficult it can be. And a lot of children are very good at masking their, like I said, their true selves and who they are, who they are around you and who they are in a different place or two different things. Um, and usually it's when you feel the most comfortable the signs and symptoms are shown the most. And yeah, mine was shown everywhere I went, but certain people chose to see it and others didn't. So yeah, I didn't feel like the primary school I went to really did anything with that. They obviously mentioned a few teachers that mentioned ADHD A D D just from Ryan's ability and how he, you know, gets sort of distracted and distracts other people, can't concentrate, not good at digesting information, uh, not very punctual, forgetful, cumbersome. Yeah, all these kinds of things, yeah, you know, very flippant in how he comes across. You know, I didn't really take anything very seriously, not not because I didn't want to, I just didn't know how to comprehend it. I didn't know how to deal with it, caught with it. Um, so yeah, I kind of got lost in in a minefield really. Um, but I remember transitioning from primary school to secondary school, really, really difficult journey. Just just because in year seven, when I went up to secondary school, I thought whatever was wrong with me before that had gone away. Because I started off very well at secondary school. Okay. Started showing some capabilities, started showing that you know. Um I was being punctual, I had a planner, uh, I was more organized in some respects. But in my social life and home life, things were more chaotic. Okay. Um, again, it's like masking, isn't it? It's I found a way of coping with school for that moment in time, but everything else around me was falling to pieces. So it was like, yeah, hyperfixation, and you know, I was telling myself, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna come to school, I'm gonna do my best. And then I got really distracted because I got involved with a bad crowd of people uh who I thought really liked me and embraced me and liked my energy, and just uh you know, I could make them laugh and things, and they sort of accepted me, and I felt what I thought they accepted me and welcomed me into their friend circle, their group. But really, we're just sort of taking advantage out of my good nature, okay, sort of taking advantage out of me. I was there for a cheap laugh and sort of there to entertain people, really, and that's something that I've always done, which we'll talk more about later. But um, yeah, that transition was tough. I went through puberty. I felt like something had changed chemically, yeah. Obviously, um, started feeling a bit darker about things, a bit deeper about things, uh, more profound in the way I would question everything, and then sort of, you know, I would question myself a lot more.

SPEAKER_00

And it's really important what you say there, Ryan, because this is what I see time and time again. That hormonal transition, that phase, really exacerbates that neurotransmitters. That's a great word.

SPEAKER_02

What wonderful word, yeah, absolutely. It it really emphasized what I was feeling at that time, and it happened very quickly. You know, it wasn't just a s a gradual transition, it happened in a few weeks. Um I started to feel a lot more signs, symptoms, a lot more negatives, shall we say? I I could it's like I said, hindsight's a wonderful thing, but even then I knew that something wasn't quite right. You know, I I my emotional responses weren't as um I didn't I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to handle myself or handle myself in situations, or I would find myself with a nervous disposition of laughter, so I'll be laughing at things that weren't even funny, or do you know what I mean? So I was in a real serious position for getting into trouble. Uh I was it was an easy thing to get into trouble, and and uh and I sort of fell through the cracks. And yeah, secondary school, the first year was okay, like I said, I got off to a good start, but then year eight and nine, things just really fell to pieces, you know. And I felt like these people that I was hanging around with were, you know, obviously kids are kids and people goad each other on, and you know, but I there was never any limits with me, there was no boundaries, yeah. There was I couldn't read a room, couldn't read people's emotions, couldn't read my own emotions, so yeah, I I literally used to just go the extra mile and didn't know when to stop, and and that got me into a lot of trouble. Like I said, it was very flippant. I used to sort of rock on chairs and make inappropriate jokes and shout answers out. It wasn't that I was never capable of not knowing the answers. It was always I I usually always had the right answer, but I just didn't know how to handle myself behaviourally in that situation. So yeah, I kind of got lost in in education and it got to a point where I'd been told all these bad things so much where I started to didn't I didn't want to go, I didn't want to be a part of it. I just felt like what's the point in even trying because I'm trying my best, but nobody can see that. They want something else from me, they want me to be like everybody else, and maybe I just can't do that. You know, I don't like the word can't because I believe we can all try, and that's a really important message. But even when I was trying, that was never picked up on. Not that I want a you know, a badge of honour for it or anything like that, but things like that should be praised uh for for trying even and just want to be seen, yeah. Just seen even. Do you know what I mean? And I just didn't feel like I was being seen at all. And the really defy defining point of this story is when I started showing capabilities uh not ahead but sort of above average for artistic and creative options. You know, I've always been interested in art and music, um, something that's been with me from being a child. Um, and and again, it's self-taught. I just love it, I just love entertaining people, and um none of that was ever picked up on really. It wasn't like, oh wow, you're so good with people, Ryan. You've got a really good rapport, you could you could do this, you could do that. It was you need English, maths, and science. Yeah, academicness, you're not showing any signs of it, and it's that's so wrong. You know, just just just to just to tick box three subjects. What about all the other subjects? What about all the other things that we learn in life? This great lesson of life. Why can't they be looked at? Why can't they be picked up on? So, yeah, none of my productivity, my sort of creativity was picked up on. And when it came to my options of choosing my GCSE subjects, the things that I wanted to go on and pursue as a career in later life, yeah, that was my destiny, my future. And I was telling myself, I'm definitely gonna, you know, be an artist or be a performer. I kind of knew that from a young age. Um, I was denied to do my options, I was denied them lessons, them subjects, because uh basically no teacher would teach me, you know, Ryan's distractive, he doesn't take it seriously enough. He's a liability, that's the word that they used, you know. Um gosh. So yeah, not a great experience with the education system. Um and then the fact do you remember that time?

SPEAKER_00

Like how it was.

SPEAKER_02

I remember that time, yeah. I remember that time very well. Um I felt terrible. I you know, I was because all I've I think it's such an ADHD thing, isn't it? Where people who are kind of new, I don't like using these terms, but neurotypical don't really understand ADHD, they only understand certain things that have been told by the friend down the pub kind of thing, and that's their perception of it. Yes. Um, yeah. Um I feel at that present moment in time, all I wanted to do was just show people what what I was capable of doing, but nobody nobody would give me that chance or that opportunity. And I speak for millions of other people that have gone through this. I know, I know it happens. Um and again, I feel like people like myself that have had these conditions that have haven't been diagnosed, you're just screaming for help, but nobody's listening. You know, it's like the lights are on and nobody's home, or the hamster wheel spinning, but the hamster's passed out on it. Do you know what I mean? It's like please just help me. I was I was crying out for some help.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm also thinking, you know, you you're you come across to me as such an optimistic person. Yeah, very optimistic. And I would imagine that that is you know a personality trait that you have been an optimistic person. Yeah. That even though these knockbacks are happening, you're I'm gonna try harder. I keep hearing you say this self-talk, I'm gonna try hard, I'm gonna, you know, now I want to, I'm gonna choose these options, and you know, putting yourself out there vulnerably, really, because you're telling people what you want and what you need.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00

Each time they're getting shut down, dismissed, and validated.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah, of course. That validation again, yeah, you know, and and I think only now at 35-36, I've really started to understand that validation. If you go searching, yearning for validation, you're just gonna hurt yourself later down the line. You're just lying to yourself, you know, because whatever you want to validate sometimes maybe isn't there. Do you know what I mean? And for me, none of them things were there. You know, I was wanting to be like everybody else, I wanted to be able to focus, I wanted to be able to listen, digest the information, sit still, you know, not constantly having to be chasing from one side of the classroom to the other. But I just couldn't do it, and it's not an excuse, you know. It's not it's such an important message, it's not an excuse. I just found it incredibly difficult to do.

SPEAKER_00

That's your drive, it's it's how we want it.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. But when we're when we've found that thing and we get hyper-fixated on that thing, that one thing, even yeah, it's so important to find that thing, and this is what I tell these young people when I'm doing these workshops and talks you've got to try and find your thing. You know, you try lots of millions, hundreds of different things, but unless we try, we're never gonna find our one thing, and we need to find that one thing. And coming into the next bit of the conversation is my one thing that I found was skateboarding, and skateboarding saved my life. Wow, and that's a fact, you know.

SPEAKER_00

Tell me how did it say save your life? Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_02

Well, there's there's a lot of ways how it saved my life, but firstly, I will just say I never fought my ADHD, I rode my ADHD. Okay. Skateboarding taught me that. Skateboarding has taught me everything that I know, and the reason being is it's taught me how to get knocked down and get back up again. The resilience in life, you know, the hard way, yeah, it's taught me to focus. Um, it's given me a lot of discipline. And how it's taught me to focus is that if I don't look where I'm going, or try to listen, or try to look ahead, or try to concentrate on that objective or whatever it is that I'm doing on a skate park or on a course or wherever, um, not only could I crash, but I could fall and I could hurt somebody else. So it it's taught me a lot of valuable uh sort of life life lessons and skills, but it's also been a passport for me to art and music and culture and meeting new people all around the world. Um, and it's taught me more than any teacher ever has. And it has it's been my classroom of life as skateboarding. Yeah, and it was my shelter and my sanctuary where nobody else would accommodate who I really was at a very difficult time in my life, and that's what I did. I got a skateboard at the age of 11 for Christmas, was rubbish at it for the first year or so, but then became very hyper-fixated on it. Like I said, I liked the fact that it was high speed, it was exhilarating, it was dangerous, and it was a discipline. Like I said, if if you weren't concentrating or you got distracted, you would fall and you would fall hard and you would learn the hard way. I think I've had about 10 different broken bones and dislocations. I've had some serious injuries, you know, mum rolling her eyes, you know, huffing and puffing and shouting at me and that, having to come and collect me from AE or the hospital. But like I say, it's like it taught me some valuable life lessons. And it's also introduced me to like say all different creeds, different races, different cultures, different people. Educated me massively, and it's such such a wonderful thing. And I always say skateboarding is a culture, not a sport, and it really is, and it accommodates people like us, so yeah, it's great.

SPEAKER_00

This is what I see so much of is when there's some there just seems to be a sweet spot where people find like either a career or a sport or a community or something that really nurtures and scaffolds and appeals to so much of their neurobiology rather than them having to fight to be in that or to do that. Yeah, absolutely it lends itself to them naturally and that's where you flourish.

SPEAKER_02

Flourish, I love that word, yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Yeah, I think I think I came alive when I started skateboarding. Really got that zest for life again. Started feeling things. Started feeling my own emotions that had maybe made other people feel around me. You know, the frustration, the anguish, the anger channelled it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Again, really important. I was undiagnosed at that present moment. But I was channeling whatever was going on into skateboarding, into action sports. And the results were dumbfounding, really. I like that word. It's a good word. But there were because I was doing things that I didn't know I was capable of doing and achieving things that I didn't know I was capable of doing.

SPEAKER_00

And finally getting, you know, having that acknowledged scene. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it wasn't seen again, skateboarding again wasn't a very cool thing. Um, I mean it's always been, it's always had a massive following, but it was very underground for a long, long period of time. And then in the sort of last 10 years, things have really changed around it because it's become an Olympic sport and it's kind of been accommodated now, so it's like a household sport where people talk about it and you know, educate themselves on it a little bit more because it's been seen by the mainstream. Um, but many years ago it was very underground, and you know, I think like a neurodivergent sport, yeah, very much so. You know, it's very creative people's skateboards, yeah. Um, and yeah, I always kind of got made to feel by the people who I used to socialise with like it was this weird thing, you know what I mean? It's like, what are you skateboards? I think it's one of those things where everybody wants to do it, but maybe some people lack the confidence to have a go at doing it because they know they're gonna maybe humiliate themselves or fall off or get hurt, yeah. But that never really bothered me, like I said at the beginning of this conversation. I've always never thought about the consequences, and this is something that I talk very profoundly about to young people, especially in schools. Uh, the fact that impulsivity leads to consequences that we don't think about, and especially in the ADHD brain, you're not thinking about the bigger picture always, and you're not thinking about the repercussions of what's going to happen with your actions. Yeah. Um, and like I said, I went through my whole adolescence living like that and really paid the price. So yeah, so it's vital that I I I step in and try to protect and help and support not just the person with the neurodivergent but the families as well around it and the friends and things as well from going through what I went through.

SPEAKER_00

So and that you know, that ADHD wiring, you know, for me it it it can take me to places where there are severe consequences to what I've chosen to do, or not even chosen to do, I've just launched myself into. And then there's other times where you know I could never if I'd stopped to try to do some kind of analysis, I would never have got to that place. And that it, you know, it is the place of creativity for me. It's you know, it is this double-edged sword sometimes.

SPEAKER_02

Double-edged sword, great way of putting it. Yeah, that's the way I've always seen it. Um I think from a young age I've always kind of known it's could be a really special thing, but this is really important that I'm gonna say to you here. This is what I teach, and this is what I preach, and this is what I talk to families and young people about to try and get them to comprehend ADHD better. And I use an analogy, so it's very metaphoric. Uh, and in layman's terms, it's basically saying ADHD is a tornado, and I ask them what does a tornado do, and they'll come back to me and say it causes damage, it causes chaos, it causes death, it's in extreme weather, it sucks you in, but it doesn't just suck you in, it sucks everybody else in around it. That's what ADHD can present itself like. And again, if it's in the wrong environment, it will cause you all those things. However, if it's in the right environment, surplus power that can generate a lot of energy and potentially save lives. So, again, it's positive and negatives, but it has to be dealt with in the right environment. If you're in the wrong environment with a neurodivergent, diagnosed or undiagnosed, it is gonna cause problems. Yeah. And we have to get real about that.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. You know, and I know we don't have that much left, but I would love to just hear a little bit more about that message that you take to schools and you take teach to you know to young people. Yeah, sure. And um like I'm just imagining uh the schools listening to your story and listening to that analogy there of the tornado. And what like what are people's responses to to hearing you?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, I'm always really startled and shocked when I go in and I mean I teach and talk to all kinds of people, all walks of life. But whenever I'm speaking to other neurodivergent people, I think we're made to believe like they're not gonna take it seriously, or they're not gonna listen, or not gonna take anything from the session. Because some of the teachers and things will come in and be like, Oh, yeah, it's gonna be a tough, tough talk. This, the what's it still? But I mean, that's a pre-judgment, and when we do do the talks, I think sometimes how I do it and how I can captivate that audience. Yeah, I've just got away with people, it's a report, it's a gift, and I'm very blessed. But I you know, I I rarely see ADHD people interrupting or moving around, they're engaged in it because they want to learn something new and not just learn something new, but they want to learn about themselves, and when they can see somebody else speaking out about it, it's it's the best way to sort of get that information, I think. Well you're exactly because they don't feel alone, exactly. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So um I just wish that people like myself and yourself had somebody like that when we were younger to sort of you know advocate for us and and just just but that's why it's so important we do what we do now because um going forward for future generations, it's yeah, it's got to implement that, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00

So well, our voice will give them voice. Absolutely, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02

That's that's exactly the message, and and um yeah, I I think we've come to the point 2026, you know, we're moving into a another decade soon. We we don't need all the stigma and all the pre-judgment and all the misinformation carrying into that. It needs to something needs to change, you know, the system needs to change, it's the system that's broken. And I think people vent the frustrations inwards at authority members or teaching assistants or Sen Cos or teachers, but it's not really their fault, you know, it's not really their fault. Um, it's the system that needs changing, and the more people start speaking out and doing what we're doing, I think eventually they'll have to listen.

SPEAKER_00

So, yeah, couldn't agree with you more. And you'll have to come back because you and I are both challenging systems right now, and we'll have to get back for a whole challenging systems conversation.

SPEAKER_02

Absolutely, I would love that, but yeah, I think for me, you know, I will just say this very quickly uh if you are undiagnosed or diagnosed, I think it's really, really important that everybody's looking for answers, and obviously, putting pressure on the system at the moment, the resources are very slim, but you can help yourself, you know. That self-acceptance, that self-awareness can really speak volumes and it can really do a lot more so than what you think. Absolutely talking about it, not everyone's got the confidence to do it, yeah, but try it, you know. Talking therapy is a wonderful way of getting through some of the hardships in life. Um, and I think some of the most powerful healing remedies are right there in front of us. We just don't choose to use them or utilise them or see them. Yeah, um, and for me it's quite sad. Everyone's looking for a pill to take away their problems or looking for a piece of paper. Uh ADHD isn't defined by a piece of paper, you know. No, it's not. You know, it can go as far as you want it to go if if you really want it to. It's not gonna just because it says on paper, got ADHD, it doesn't mean to say you can't achieve things. And the way I see it is I've never seen ADHD as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. I always see it as achieving despite his or her or their diagnosis, and that's the acronym that I live under. Because from a young age I was told that I'd never achieve anything, but here I am in 2026, you know, educating the same system that told me that I was not gonna do anything in life. Yeah, or wasn't gonna achieve anything. So the irony of that is quite funny, really, but at the same time, nobody should be told that. Nobody should be told.

SPEAKER_00

They shouldn't, you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_02

Or judged or used. Nobody should be nobody should have their conditions used against them. No, um, and they should be utilized and celebrated and talked about, and most importantly understood.

SPEAKER_00

Totally, I totally agree. Yeah, Ryan, it's been such a beautiful conversation, and I know there's just so much more to your story. Absolutely. I I know you're headed somewhere, and um, so we'll we'll we'll uh round things up things up now because I've got a couple just a couple more quick slides. Yeah, yeah, sure fire away. But we'd love to have you back where um yeah, or maybe we can finish some of the stories.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um so this was we had a bit of a giggle about this, didn't we? Because um I've asked all my guests to bring in like an object or or something. And so you you forgot.

SPEAKER_02

I forgot, yeah, in true ADHD fashion.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but in very quick and I apologize for that.

SPEAKER_02

You did and it was all fine, but in um also true ADHD fashion, you very quickly thought of something that you could came up with something very quickly, yeah, which goes back into what we talked about previously in the test uh environments at schools and things, which is the watch. Uh I brought my watch with me because I bring it everywhere with me now that I go. Uh, I feel like I have to have a watch, even though you know it doesn't always work out, sticking to times of things. I know it's there and I know I can look at it, and I know it reminds me that I have to do things, so it's a great little hack, a great little tool for me. And in true ADHD fashion, because we know that sometimes life can get on top of us and we can be not very punctual and things. I always set it five minutes ahead so that I'm never ever late for anything. Or yeah, so it's a great little way of you know thinking, oh, I'm looking at the watch, thinking, oh, I'm late. And then I realize I'm not actually late.

SPEAKER_00

Gives you that extra bit of adrenaline as well.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly, yeah. So it gives me a little nudge to be there and be prompt or and be punctual.

SPEAKER_00

So but I set because I had to travel into London this morning, I set my clock for six o'clock, six oh five, six ten, six fifteen. Oh my word. Just to make sure that I got up. So I have a relationship with time as well.

SPEAKER_02

I'm not very good with the you know, when you have to set an alarm and you can sometimes have a 15 minute snooze. I'm not very good with that. Yeah. I try and avoid that. If I know I need to get up, I'll just get up anyway and just just just just do it because yeah, snoozing sometimes can Oh, I don't snooze, it's in case it doesn't go off at any point. It doesn't go off. Yeah, you don't have to do that.

SPEAKER_00

I'm always worried, just I just better set someone. It's not not so much that it doesn't go off, it's did I remember to set it? Because I have set alarms and then I actually haven't. So if I do it four times, then one of those is bound to have actually been set. Absolutely. It's my logic, but of course it doesn't make a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_02

I get it, I get it. And and and you know what, all these little hacks like sis often are overlooked, but sometimes they're more simple, yeah, simplistic hacks are the best, the most effective. Yeah, um but yeah, again, everyone's overcomplicating everything and searching for something that maybe doesn't exist, you know. We need to accept that. So as ADHDers, we need to accept that.

SPEAKER_00

We do, and one final question. Um I ask all my guests uh about this voice is mine, and when you hear that phrase, when you hear those words, what does that mean to you? What does this voice is mine?

SPEAKER_02

That's a great question. Uh to me personally, yeah, I think it's about empowering people through the power of your mouth, you know, and not just your mouth, but the way you feel inside and projecting that and being allowed the opportunity, the time to express that. Yeah. Um, yeah, in a very in a time where we are very under the kosh. Yeah. It's a great free way of being able to be your true, unique, authentic self and let it out vocally and hopefully resonate with other like-minded people. So, yeah, I think that's a really really good thing, and I'm fully behind it.

SPEAKER_00

So thank you, Ryan. Do you know what? It's been an absolute pleasure to have you on the show, and thank you for having me. Yeah, thank you so much for being here, and uh, like I said, we'll have to get you back for the rest of the story.

SPEAKER_02

Definitely, where we can talk more excessively about ADHD stories.

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

Brilliant, lovely, thank you.

SPEAKER_00

Take care.