Chapter Fourteen

The group arrives at their destination.

Tune in for a new chapter each week. Can't wait? Buy the book.

Visit tsdickerson.com for more about the author and her work. 

Follow T.S. Dickerson on Facebook, Instagram, or BlueSky. 

Some of this podcast has been recorded on equipment from the Billings Public Library Co+Lab. Thanks to Renee Barratt of The Cover Counts for the cover design. Music by Mikhail Smusev from Pixabay.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome back to the serialized podcast production of The Scarring Underneath, written and performed by T. S. Dickerson. Chapter 14 By midday, Billy was exhausted from the effort of starting to apologize, or say anything, and shutting himself up. He had put his foot in it already and he didn't want to make things worse. Granted, Cass had been acting as if nothing were wrong. She talked to him as usual, and was riding beside him now, occasionally commenting. Things weren't right, though. There was a stiffness in the way she spoke, the way she moved, she was avoiding eye contact. Through every phase of getting to know her, there had been a sense of opening, a sense that he was moving from room to room, heading for the center of a building. A new door had been opened when they'd awakened in each other's arms this morning, and he'd gotten it slammed in his face. He deserved it. He knew that he should tell her why she recognized him, come clean about his true identity from before. He'd tried, but every time he was close to fessing up he got scared of her reaction. He worried she would be hurt and angry that he lied, just as she'd been hurt when Cam had kept Trista's pregnancy from her. But he wasn't family, and she could choose to push him away for good. But he felt like Billy. This man Cass was learning to trust, this person she was teaching and working beside was the new him. This was what came out on the other side of an apocalypse, three years of imprisonment and a handful of near death experiences. He was Billy now, and he was hers. William Butler Weisson had died when all hope of going home to find his family had been lost. He'd panicked this morning because he didn't want her to see anyone but Billy when she looked at him. It had been a reflex to deflect her attention, but he hadn't intended to demand information about her past. It wasn't fair to ask her to tell her darkest secrets when he wasn't even willing to give her his true name. He jerked back to attention as hoofbeats approached. Drew observed the two of them with poorly hidden curiosity as he rode up. Cassidy, my Cassidy, Drew said. Thy brother beckons thee. Drew's faux British accent was horrendous, though Billy reminded himself he shouldn't say so. Cass nudged Cowboy into a trot and headed out. Drew maneuvered his mount into the space she'd vacated and pulled the horse closer to Billy. Billy glanced over at the man and for a moment tried to ignore his expectantly raised eyebrows and the knowing glint in his eye. Deciding it wasn't worth it, he sighed. What is it? Cass didn't come back to the tent last night, Drew said, his voice quiet but eager. Billy felt a flush creeping onto his cheekbones. Huh? He said. Are you sure? Maybe you were sleeping and didn't hear her. Drew gave an exaggerated shrug. I suppose it could happen. But it didn't. Billy just frowned. Know how I know? Drew asked. Billy gave his head a shake. Might as well get this over with. He was apprehensive to know what might have been seen last night, considering the mercurial opinions about a relationship between him and Cass. I woke up worried about her, so I went looking for her, Drew continued. You were adorable, you know, snuggled up together in the pasture. Drew's lighthearted tone had taken on a sharper edge toward the end, and a hardness in Drew's features belied the playful way he'd broached the topic. Nothing happened, Billy said. Drew scoffed. Yes it did. She spent the night with you. Again. We just slept, Billy said, worried he was about to get knocked off his horse by an impressively muscled and perhaps justified friend. Exactly, Drew said, lowering his voice further. I wouldn't be here if she was just having sex with you. She trusts you enough to sleep next to you, and I'm getting the impression you still don't understand what that means. Billy signaled Smoke to stop, and Drew halted beside him. The wagon pulled ahead, and soon they had created a kind of privacy through space. She sleeps with you, Billy said, hearing a note of unintended jealousy in his voice. She feels safe with me, Drew said. Look, I'm sure you've figured out she didn't have the best childhood. For a long time after the end, she hardly slept at all because she had to sleep out in the open with strangers. Cam used to rack his brain looking for ways to make her feel secure at night because she had two nervous breakdowns. Billy felt like he'd been slapped. God he was so dumb. She'd been so vulnerable and he'd asked her about her childhood abuser. When she saved me, that wasn't the first time we'd met. We knew each other before. Since she rarely slept anyway, she sat up with me. In exchange, I told her everything about myself. We bonded, and she ended up falling asleep in a chair beside me every night. So when I was better, we shared a room or a tent or whatever we had, and I'm the only person she's slept with since until you. She didn't tell me, Billy said. She used to sneak off to be with Trace and sneak back in an hour later, Drew said. But I knew you weren't like Trace from day one. You mean a lot to her. Billy rocked back into the saddle, slouching. Smoke shifted her weight beneath him. He ran a hand over his eyes. I fucked up, he said, a bit of accent riding along with a desperation on his words. I didn't know how important it was to her. Drew's eyes flared for a moment and then calmed. He looked up and stiffened. Billy followed the other man's gaze to see Cass coming back. Drew sat up straight and asked without looking. Do you love her? Billy sucked in a breath. Yes. Then fix it, Drew said, kicking his horse forward. Cass frowned up at the sun. The caravan had come to a stop, and it wasn't even noon. Her brother had told her that it might be a short travel day, that they might even reach their destination. There was a campsite just within the border of Strongholds territory, where they were to camp and wait for an envoy to come and escort them into the city. Surely they weren't there already. She ran a hand along Cowboy's rump and patted him, risking a glance at Billy. Billy was scratching at a mosquito bite on the back of his hand. Cass had several like it from their night outdoors. Billy caught her watching him. I'll go and find out what the holdup is. She cleared her throat as she directed Cowboy away. The three leaders were up ahead of the caravan at the precipice of a hill, looking down. When she rode up, she found Derek and Hank holding out a map between the necks of their horses, heads bent in study. Cam looked on with a smile that widened when she pulled up beside him. Why are we stopped? she asked. Because we're there. Cass felt an unexpected smile cross her face. A soft tingle of expectation and hope spread through her, and she turned to look down the hill. They were coming up to a wooded area, and sure enough, not more than a mile further, a dirt drive led away from the road to an overgrown campground. A flag bearing stronghold symbol flew above the lean twos and corrals. From this distance the structures seemed in good repair. Beyond the campsite, Cass could see the blue water of a lake. It was exactly as the recruiters had described. She looked up to see Hank folding the map and nodding to Derrick. This is it, Derek said, his body language more relaxed than she'd ever seen it, and his voice honestly pleased. At that moment she felt a strong kinship with the man. She giggled, shocked that such a sound had left her lips. She laughed harder. The three men started laughing as well. Adam rode up with a quizzical expression and peered at each of them in turn. What's going on? he asked. He rode forward and took the map from Hank's hand. He spread it, his horse sidestepping beneath him, and looked down the hill. His bruised jaw dropped, and his still puffy eyes widened. His expression made Cass laugh harder still. She glanced back at the group to find several people watching them as though they'd lost their minds. Tell them, Cam said to the now suddenly composed Derrick. I know you want to. Derek nodded and rode back toward the head of the group, lifting his hand to gather everyone's attention. Cass wiped moisture from the corners of her eyes. We've made it, Derek called out. This is the place. A slow whoop lifted up from the crowd, followed by others as the news traveled back through the group to the people who hadn't heard. Let's go already, Hank shouted, and he kicked his horse forward and disappeared down the hill, causing something of a controlled stampede to follow. Cass pulled Cowboy out of the path of the frenzy. It seemed anyone on horseback or biking was rushing past. Cam was on foot, stopping the wagon Trista rode in so she could climb down and leap into his arms. Cam kissed her and held her against him, then bent to kiss her growing belly. Before the wagon could pull forward again, a shout caused Darcy to pull the reins once more. Weylon rode up, his stirrup and booted foot scraping the side of the wagon as he reached for Marie, who rode inside. She grabbed and kissed him, nearly pulling him from the horse's back. A few people passing by let out whistles at the display of affection. Cass turned at the sound of hooves bearing down on her. It was Drew and Billy, riding up fast. What are you doing, dummy? Drew called out. Let's go. She grinned and turned cowboy sharply, sending him forward and down the hill. She held him back a bit on the slope, but when she hit flat ground, she urged him forward as she lifted herself in the saddle. She heard hoofbeats behind her and glanced over her shoulder, surprised to see Billy had overtaken Drew. He was riding well, with an excited grin on his face which grew as he saw her looking. She slowed as she turned up the drive. People were jumping up and down, someone was kissing the ground, riderless and confused horses were milling about. Normally she would have hated the chaos, but today she could only laugh. She pulled Cowboy off to the side of the commotion and dismounted. Billy dismounted, and on impulse, she grabbed his hand and pulled him after her into the trees. The woods weren't dense here, but within a few yards she found a sizable old tree and ducked behind it. She moved to wrap her arms around him, but his expression turned from thrill to apprehension. Forceful was more her style, but she swallowed back her eagerness. She tugged him forward by the hands until his body pressed against hers. Then she waited. His eyes were shadowed with hesitation. She leaned her head toward him, feeling his breath against her face. Billy, she said, just kiss me already. Her plea seemed to erase the doubt clouding his eyes, and he met her lips. They stood there, hands linked, bodies pressed close as the kiss slowly heated up. Cass let herself get lost in the movement of his lips, the thudding of his heart, and the warmth of his form. The wagons rolled up on the road, breaking the spell. Billy pulled away, and she released his hands, taking a gasping breath and wiping her lips. She looked at him and cleared the passion from her throat before speaking. We made it. Learn more about me and my work on my Facebook, Instagram, and Blue Sky Pages. Links are in the podcast.