Chapter Fifteen

Cass remembers why Billy seems so familiar and something is amiss at Stronghold. 

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Some of this podcast has been recorded on equipment from the Billings Public Library Co+Lab. Thanks to Renee Barratt of The Cover Counts for the cover design. Music by Mikhail Smusev from Pixabay.

Transcript

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Welcome back to the serialized podcast production of The Scarring Underneath. Written and performed by T.S. Dickerson. Chapter 15. Cass stood on the creaky roof of an old outhouse overlooking the lake. The splashing and shouting of swimmers took her back to a less dangerous time in her life. Before the world had ended, before she'd killed anyone, before she'd taken responsibility for anyone but herself and Huckleberry. Back when her biggest concern had been the exposure of her body in a bathing suit, rather than the possibility the swimmers might be attacked as they backstroked. The press of the rifle between her shoulder blades was a welcome comfort. Cass had insisted on taking her turn at guard, despite Cam's assurance that they were now within Stronghold's protected territory. He was sure the flag would deter any rovers from attacking them, and equally certain whoever had been following them had given up the chase long ago. Still, Cass had taken the first watch, determined not to let her guard down when they were so close. Lena and Billy had seen to the horses. But they were done. Billy was approaching the lake, carrying a bundle of bright colored cloth under one arm. His gaze had locked onto her on her perch just as she'd spotted him, and she was having just as much trouble pulling her gaze away as he seemed to be. She needed to either focus or dive into the lake. The cool water might do her good after their last kiss. Billy almost ran into someone, and she laughed under her breath. The laughter stopped abruptly as she realized someone was calling her. She looked down and met Lena's hard gaze. From the irritation in her expression and her proximity to the outhouse, Cass knew the girl must have hailed her more than once. Honest to God, Cass, you're not even trying to hide it anymore, Lena said as Cass leaned down closer. I don't have anything to hide from you, Lena, Cass said. True, Lena put her hands on her hips. I'm well aware of your lust and incompetence, so Cass turned away for a moment and let out her breath in a huff. What did you need, Lena? My father is coming to relieve you, she said. As she spoke, Cass spotted Weyland approaching with Marie. Cass stood and scanned the open spaces on the opposite side of the lake. Then she turned and looked along the tree line behind her. People were lounging in the shade there, and beyond them the camping area was quiet. She slipped out of the rifle strap and handed the weapon down to Lena butt first. Then she turned and moved to swing down from the roof, but her hand scraped against something sharp and she lost her grip. She fell straight down to her knees. Lena snickered as Cass pushed back up to her feet. The girl handed the rifle to her father and strode away. Cass watched her go, rubbing at her bruised knees. She spotted Billy, now at the edge of the lake. He had taken off his belt and was sliding his knife sheath off the end. He laid the weapon down on the bright towel he'd been carrying. Her mouth went dry as it hit her. He would soon be removing clothing. You'll have to forgive her. Cass was startled. She'd almost forgotten Weyland and Marie were there. He gave her a sympathetic look. She really looks up to you. She doesn't know how to behave now that you've taken such a strong interest in a man. Cass's focus drifted back to Billy. He had stripped off his t-shirt and twisted around to look at his side, running his fingers over his ribcage. The bruises had faded to the point where Cass couldn't see them from this distance. Satisfied, he glanced up and found her looking. He turned away almost shyly, but not before she'd seen his small smile. Cass turned her attention back to Weylon, who had gone on talking about his daughter. He was oblivious to the fact she'd tuned out. Was never like normal girls, you know, I mean, not that she's abnormal, but she never went in for boys the way other girls did. Weylon paused and grunted as he helped Marie to unfold a stubborn camping chair. Cass turned back to the lakeside. Billy was now standing with his jeans around his ankles wearing boxers. He stepped out of the jeans and glanced back in her direction. Cass clenched her teeth to keep her jaw from dropping. He'd filled out a bit over the past several weeks, and though still thin, he was well put together. He had a model's body to match the gorgeous face, even considering the scars. There were burn marks on his ribcage that matched the one she'd noticed on his arm. She'd never noticed them before, probably because the bruises had always drawn focus. Still, Cass could tell no one would care about a few scars. A pair of girls had stopped swimming to gawk from the shallow water just offshore. Cass felt a rush of jealousy, and suddenly she wanted to be beside him. Thoughts of swimming with him in the cool lake water took over, slippery skin against skin, and inhibitions eased by the buoyancy of their bodies. Apparently the feeling was mutual because he turned to face her, head cocked to the side and his eyes drifting over her. She turned impatiently back to Weyland. Sister got her a poster of some actor for her birthday one year and she never hung it up. Finally Darcy took it back and hung it in their bathroom, probably still there if the house was still standing. A poster of some actor. Those words brought down a revelation Cass had been seeking. In an instant, the sunny day grayed out, and the joyful sounds around her became hollow echoes. Cass had once been kicked in the gut by a horse, her body flung back into the corner of a shed. She'd crumpled to the ground, all the wind gone out of her. She hadn't even been able to gasp in surprise. It was that moment she was drawn back to, as the realization sucker punched her now. She was vaguely conscious of staring at the boulder behind Weyland's legs, but she was seeing her old room back at her uncle's house. There had been three posters on the wall behind her bed. Three posters she hadn't thought of in years. A photo of paint horses running through a field, a print of the cover of her favorite book, and next to them a full-sized theater poster. The poster had featured the cast of a recently released movie. Three beautiful teen girls and two beautiful teen boys, and one of them had been Billy. Her head whipped back to look at him. He'd changed, of course, but she could see it now so clearly. The cheekbones, the jawline, the hair, and the way he tossed his head to flick it back out of his eyes. She remembered he'd been a musician too. She'd listened to his work on the internet. That song, the song that had been haunting her all this time, was his. Her eyes flashed down to his side, and the peculiar burn mark. It had been a tattoo. Cass staggered back a step and heard Weyland asking if she was okay. Billy's shoulders sunk as she looked. His eyes were sad and dark with understanding. His lips moved in the shape of her name, but she had begun to shake her head. The spiral of embarrassment and shock inside her increased to such a wild pace she thought she'd be ripped apart, and she took off at a run along the tree line.

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Cass, wait.

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She kept running, and Billy spent a second caught in conflict, wondering if it was better to leave her be or to chase her and beg forgiveness. He couldn't shake the panicked feeling he'd never see her again if he didn't go, so he sprinted after her. People who'd been staring at Cass as she flew past turned to stare at him. He ignored them. He called out her name almost without meaning to, his tone desperate. He thought she was heading for the horses, and she did indeed make it to the corral, but she turned sharp right and headed for the trees. Cass, he called again. She only moved faster. His lungs burned, and he found more speed somehow. He hadn't known he could run this fast unless he were running for his life, which he felt he was. Cass leaped onto an overgrown trail, her arm slamming into what was left of the wooden sign identifying it. This slowed her. She clutched her arm and stumbled a step or two, giving him the opportunity to catch up, just as the shade of the woods closed around them. He reached toward her, suddenly not sure how he intended to stop her. It was well established she could put him on the ground, or in it, if need be. But before he could touch her, she whirled around and shoved her index finger into his chest. It brought him to an abrupt halt just a foot from her. He winced more at her anger than the pain. Let me be clear, she said. I do not want to talk. Don't follow me. She spun back around and took off running again. Though he wished it, his feet would not follow. Billy stared after her for a long moment before his gaze fell to his own arm, still extended out before him. It seemed not to be a part of him just then. He couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel much of anything. As he walked, Drew bent to run a hand over Brick's head. The dog's rear end wiggled, and his front paws popped off the ground in his pleasure, eliciting a smile that swiped away Drew's troubles, if only for a moment. Dogs were easy. They shared everything in the way they held their bodies, and often expressed themselves so easily the power of speech would have been redundant. His human best friend shared a lot in her body language as well, though she'd hate to have that pointed out. But without words she was harder to understand. She was impossible right now. Drew knew she and Billy had a fight at the lake. After watching her tearing through the crowd, holding back tears with Billy sprinting after her, screaming her name, everyone knew. But she wouldn't tell what had happened. As Drew came up to the supper table and began to fill a plate, he scanned the crowd looking for Billy. He hoped to get details from the other half of the conflict. He spotted his target sitting on a log, but he wasn't alone. Rylan was sitting next to him, her arm pressed up against his as she laughed open mouthed. Drew hesitated, though it made his heart sink a bit for Cass's sake. He wasn't the type to get in the way of a person moving on. But Billy was perched on the very end of the log like a soft shove would send him toppling. More telling was the fact Rylan's plate was sitting a few feet away from her on the opposite side as if she'd started scooting closer, and Billy had moved away again and again until there was no more log. Drew turned toward them with purposeful steps, and Brick trotted ahead, stopping occasionally to get a pet and a scrap of food from people in the crowd. As Drew watched, Rylan leaned closer and stole a piece of pheasant meat from Billy's plate, grabbing hold of his hand to keep the plate steady. Billy's discomfort was clear. Drew picked up his pace, and Brick, infected by the speed, passed him. To his great amusement, Brick trotted straight up to Ryland's plate, where it waited on the log, and began to help himself to her unfinished food. The woman let out a screech as she stood and chased the dog away. Her plate had fallen to the ground, and she was bending to pick up the mess just as Drew arrived and sat down in the spot she'd left. Billy looked up, and relief flooded his face. Rylan's face was painted in surprise and irritation. Yeah, you'll want to watch your plate around brick, Drew said. He's quick to go after other people's leftovers. Drew took a dramatic pause and raised his brows. You know? Ryland frowned, then made a breathy sound of annoyance and departed. Drew scooted down the log, giving Billy space. Thanks, Billy said. Why don't you just tell her you're taken next time she comes round? Billy turned to Drew with a frown and shook his head. Because I'm not? Yes, you are. Billy cleared his throat and whistled for Brick, setting his plate on the ground. The dog burst out of the bushes behind them and set to work on cleaning without hesitation. Billy ran a hand down the red flecked fur on Brick's back. You don't know the whole story. She won't talk to me, no, I thought you might. Billy crossed his arms over his chest with a sigh. Did she ever tell you the reason she saved me that day on the trailer? Drew's forehead creased. He knew she'd saved Billy because she thought everyone deserved a fair shot at survival, because she was afraid of being alone in the world herself. But more than once in those first few days she'd mentioned Billy had seemed familiar. She was right? Drew asked. She did recognize you? Billy set his jaw and nodded. Drew was filled with questions but didn't want to bombard the other man. He ate his dinner and waited. Brick finished eating and wormed the top half of his body into Billy's lap. As the man held and scratched the dog, his stiff shoulders loosened, and finally, in a rush, he confessed. I was an actor. She knew me from a film. Drew's eyebrows flew up, and his chewing first stopped, then continued at a more thoughtful pace. He studied Billy's face as covertly as he could, and tried to remember movies from before. When he'd swallowed, he set his plate aside. Anything I might remember? Billy shot him an incredulous look. What? That's not the point. The point is she asked, and I knew where she recognized me from, and I lied. Billy sighed and ran both hands harshly through his hair. She has no reason to trust me. Eh, Drew said. She does anyway, whether you've given her reason or not. It's a feeling, an instinct. Cass trusts her gut. Billy was looking at him wide eyed again, and Drew stifled a laugh. Everybody hides at things. I don't know why you'd keep that quiet, though, I'd brag about it. Get special treatment. Billy's expression grew heavy, and Drew regretted his flippant tone. He'd meant to cheer Billy up, make light of it. Apparently not the right move. That's not how it worked for me, Billy said. His words were weighted with dark implications, and Drew remembered the few details Cass had shared about Billy's imprisonment. Billy didn't seem to have any plans to elaborate, so Drew leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. You had reasons, Drew said, and you don't need to share them with me, but you should tell her. She's in love with you. Billy turned to Drew, looking skeptical. She is, I know her. But I don't think she's ever been in love before, not really. And for that to happen in this fucked up life to someone who had a fucked up life before. Drew shook his head. She trusted me and I lied to her all along. Billy leaned forward, miming Drew. If she cared about me before, she doesn't now that she knows. Drew laughed aloud. Right, I forgot. You can just turn love off, just like sexuality. A flick of a switch and suddenly I'll be straight. Billy raised his eyebrows and then cracked a half smile. We all keep secrets to stay safe, Drew said. She'll understand. Billy nodded, and his look of doubt gradually morphed into one of determination. He stood and offered his fist to Drew. They pounded their knuckles together. Thanks, Billy said. Do you know where she is? Drew sat up straight and began to speak when a distant crack, like thunder, sounded. Both men flinched, and Brick gave a sharp bark. Around them people had ducked or dropped plates, and were now looking at the sky and at one another in confusion. Another crack sounded, this one softer, then another and another. Someone shouted and heads began to turn. People stood, leaving their spots and rushing to the lakeside. Drew and Billy exchanged a troubled glance and jogged after them. Across the lake a series of clouds were rising, a glow of orange reflected in them. After several explosions the noise stopped, though the smoke lingered and the glow intensified. People were running toward them, converging on the lake, shouting and questioning. Drew heard Billy speak and turned to see Cam standing beside them. Could that be stronghold? Billy was asking. I mean, that's that direction, right? Cam nodded, his face grave and the bouncing light of lanterns held by various people. Billy's gaze was now fixated on the trees, and Drew followed his gaze. Cass stood there, just at the tree line, hands on her knees as though she was panting. She slowly stood and pressed a hand into her side, staring into the glowing distance with a look of defeat.